Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 348. An Enemy To Myself

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

MY NEW SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😮 Get 10-word ads at holler.baby/chrisdelia 😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week the studio got revamped! Plus we've got more Kodak Black, dime heists, Soulja Boy and Chris revisits that classic Charlie Sheen interview and all of a sudden everyone is winning! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

runk you know uh if you haven't watched this special watch a special crystalia.com it's called grow or die um love you for watching it love you for downloading it uh go stream at a crystalia.com uh i will be in oxnard coming up and i will be in Oxnard coming up, and I will be in Philadelphia. I will be in Reading. I will be in Baltimore this weekend, and I will be in Richmond, Virginia this weekend, and Trenton, New Jersey. And, oh, actually, tickets are live now for Sacramento, California,

Phoenix, El Paso, Texas, and Albuquerque. With the promo code DONTPUSHME. And then Friday is available for everyone. So go get those good tickets now. And right now we will have the next episode of congratulations um just got off of the plane uh fresh out of Florida. Extra paper scooped that up. Was in Florida. Florida is absolutely bonkers, huh?

Florida is bonkers. Florida is bonkers. I will tell you this. Just landed from Fort Myers. I was in Fort Myers. There's no direct flight from Fort Myers to LAX. Natch. Natch. Why? Because what is Fort Myers, or I was in Fort Myers, there's no direct flight from Fort Myers to LAX. Natch. Natch.

Why? Because what is Fort Myers? What is it? Besides the guy that killed Gabby Petito, the home of that guy, and then also the home of where that little girl who was actually 45 years old and tormented the parents was adopted.

You know, it's on Netflix, that documentary documentary is the little girl that was adopted but she was actually 40 or something and they still don't know if she's 40 or 12 whatever that thing is anyway that's where i was this past weekend and so i went to um my eyes are dry. Yes, dude. Went to too much traveling. Yes, dude. So was that, maybe I'll just angle this a little differently, the air. But I was in Florida. Whenever I'm in Florida, I will tell you this, 35 to 40% EDC will be happening.

Doesn't matter what city I'm in in Florida I'm kind of I'm there when when I whenever I go to Florida there's some festival that's happening I've gone now it's been EDC four times ultra once and then one time it was like a pirate festival festival festival sorry I was beinganish for a little bit i was being mexican a little bit festival um no but there was a pirate one in tampa which is the worst one gasparella right and uh maria maria you ever get a song stuck in your head for no reason, dude? I haven't heard that song since 2001. You remind me of a West Side Story Growing up in Spanish Harlem Living life just like a movie star By the way, I had no idea I knew the words to that.

Pretty sure those are the words, but I do, dude. Maria, Maria Dude, you ever start singing a song Pretty sure those are the words, but I do, dude. Maria, Maria. Dude, you ever start singing a song and you're like, well, I'll just go for as long as until I know the words. And then you realize you know the whole song. And you're just like for three and a half minutes singing by yourself and you finish and a tear comes down your cheek and you're like, whoa, hold on a second. I'm a singer.

You're just like, I'll just stop when I don't know it. Leave me all in. Leave me all in. Leave me all in. Babylon. Oh, I know the whole thing, dude. You're like, and I will walk 500. And you're like, I certainly don't know miles.

Miles and I will walk 500. What? More, more. And you're like, I certainly don't know miles. Miles, and I will walk 500, what, more, more. And you're like, but to, and you're like, that's all I know. But then you're like, but to be the man who walks 500 miles to fall down at your door. And you're like, that's all I know for sure. I don't know the syllables that they do. And then you're just like. But you just know it. When I wake up, I know I'm going to be, I'm going to be the man who wakes up next to you. How do I know that shit? I heard this song four times when I was like 11.

Why do I even know it's the pretenders? But you do it. And whenever I go to Florida, it's a festival. 40 to 50% guaranteed a festival. Dude, I was there, and it was EDC. And I put on a shirt that was ripped a little bit. And I thought, hmm, you're pushing it, Chris. You're pushing it. Then I realized it was EDC in Orlando. And I thought, well, if anyone makes fun of my outfit,

it'll probably be somebody with underoos on and butterfly wings. So with like under eye purple neon shits. So I could just be like, oh yeah? Well, why do you have that on? I had a slam built in. I had the built in slam. So I was in Orlando. So I was in Orlando, did a show in Orlando, and stayed an extra day in Orlando.

My tour manager was like, let's go to – here's what happened, dude. I was going to do Orlando and then Tampa and then Fort Myers for some reason. Tampa, for some reason, we didn't get the date because this other comic got it first, and so my tour manager fucked me. He really fucked me, man, and he fucked the people of Tampa, except for your fans of the other comedians. That's good for them. So he was like, well, let's just go to Fort Myers after Orlando.

We'll stay there for an extra day. I go like this, right there hold your horses that's the place where Gaby Petito's boyfriend is from and he killed her and that's also the place where that little old woman who was adopted that was pretending she was

a little girl to her parents that adopted her let's stay in Orlando an extra day and he goes I don't know man and I say pull the's like, let's stay in Orlando an extra day. And he goes, I don't know, man. And I, I say, pull the trigger. We're going to stay in Orlando an extra day. And we did it.

I'm, guess what I'm doing now? Guess what I'm starting to do? I'm starting to make decisions. I'm starting to make decisions, dude. I'm a very, I'm, I'm the kind of guy who, look, I know what I want. I'm the kind of guy who, look, I know what I want. You know, I have a clear vision, right? But sometimes, are you like me, when you have a clear vision,

you're like, God, I want fucking, you know, I want a jean jacket. I want a light green jacket. I want a light jean jacket, right? Like maybe you saw somebody wearing it. You're like, I want to get a jean jacket. That's light and kind of boxy. And you're like, I got a plan. So where do you go? You go to a place that you think might have a jean jacket. You go by, you say, yeah, it's fall. You know, I could wear it well into winter. I could couple it up with a flannel. Might like look at one of those guys in supernatural. You know, maybe I look like Jensen Ackles

who the fuck knows or the other guy right maybe I'm going to be looking like I'm going to be hunting a wind dingo maybe I'm going to be looking like that maybe I'm looking for a lady in the water right I don't know but I might look that dope when I'm going to wear a boxy light

denim jacket. Picture me in Pittsburgh, at the outskirts of Pittsburgh. Picture me, right? Under the moonlight, looking for a Wendango, right? Or a lady in the water, you know what I mean? So you go in with a plan you go to a place that you think might have a nice wendingo hunting jean jacket and you get there and the sales guy she approaches you and he says hey how can i help you say i want a light denim jacket that's boxy. And he says, Ooh, and right there, you know,

your plans are getting upended, dude, right there. You know, you're walking out of that place with a different jacket or maybe just pants. Ooh, you know, we actually, we had those last, you know, those are out. Those were in all the supernatural guys were wearing them. And now let me show you what we have. And you're walking out of there with some trench coat mafia style shit. You know what I mean? You don't even, the plan, it gets shook, right? You go in with a plan. You think it's clear and you leave with pants, right? Okay. So that's been happening to me a lot in my life.

I go in with a plan. Now I'm not talking about, you know, when it comes to food, I know what I, if I want pretzels, I'll be goddamn if I'm not eating pretzels, right? If I want a burger, I'll be goddamn if someone's fucking that up for me. If I want burgers, how about sushi? I say, you know what? You get sushi. I'm not eating pretzels, right? If I want a burger, I'll be God damn if someone's fucking that up for me. If I want burgers, how about sushi? I say, you know what? You get sushi. I'm getting a burger. I'm clear with my food. But when it comes to anything else,

I could be going to hunt a Wendango and come back with like a new car, right? Plans get uprooted and shook. But I stopped that this month. You know how hard it is to listen to yourself? To just go like this? Wait, hold on a second, me. What did I want again? Yes, that's what I wanted. And then you look at someone's eyes and you say, no, I'm not going to Fort Myers a day early. say, no, I'm not going to Fort Myers a day early.

That's hard. We all used to be like that when we were kids, you know? And we lose that shit. We lose it. When we were kids, we wanted chocolate. That was all that was on our minds. We wanted some cool magnets we saw in a store. That was all on our minds, you know?

And we didn't stop thinking about those magnets, so we got those fucking magnets. Our parents just were like, no. But man, when you become an adult, people could just sway you, dude. Hold on to that shit. Hold on to that shit, dude. Hold on to that shit. Picture me under the moonlight,

outskirts of Pittsburgh, just hunting wendigos in a light jean jacket. With fucking a nice flannel under it, or even so, a flannel tied across my waist, like a really, really, like a fashion move, but also like, oh, maybe the flannel was too hot and the jean jacket is less hot, so he had to tie it around his waist and just put the jean jacket on. That's the right temp when he's walking around looking for a wind dango. But yeah, I started

watching Supernatural. Let me tell you something, man. I was talking to my tour manager. I knew it too. I was talking to Lulu who I take on the road with me, fantastic comedian, and my tour manager, Enrique. And I know, here's something I know. I started watching Supernatural just because

it was on Netflix. I'm like, you know what? I like that guy. I like the Jensen dude, right? So I start watching it. Okay. I'm'm watching this show now like let me just tell you it's got nine seasons of it on netflix all right so i look at it i'm like holy shit this show was on for nine seasons and then i google it it's been on 15 seasons i don't know why these streaming services will do this but it'll be like hey do you love this show, Pawn Stars? Great. Here's three seasons of it. One, nine, and 11. And you're like, huh? You know?

Oh, yeah, you love, you know, Hulu will be like, oh, you love Family Guy? Here's season two through four and then 20. And you're like, what about the middle shit? And they're like, nah, I don't know why. They obviously have a deal with the shit, if you have a deal with it, just at least consecutively have the, you know, it's like on a plane when you're like, oh, what do they have, you ever click on TV shows when you're in a plane, and you go to click TV shows,

and you look in the catalog, and it's like, oh, they got the C word with Laura Linney. What was it, on Showtime or some shit? Oh, let's start watching that. I think that was actually critically acclaimed. And it's like season two, episode four, and season two, episode five, season two, episode six. That's what they have on the plane. Like you're some asshole that's just going to in the middle. on the plane like you're some asshole that's just gonna in the mid you're like you're just gonna be sitting upright eating peanuts never having watched the c-word before just picking

oh yeah okay i'll watch the c-word i'll watch the l l did they make a show called the l word too what the fuck man just say the whole word in the thing the c word and the l word just call the show cancer call the show lesbians that's so we know what it is but yeah i'm on the plane dude right and i'm gonna watch fucking uh uh what's the show with the fucking who cares you know what i'm saying airplanes have odd episodes of tv shows if you go into the catalog of stuff they never have starting with the pilot no i know supernatural i know i started i started watching supernatural but i started watching on netflix and i'm like dude this show is a perfect show to watch

on the plane why because it's bad but I like it that's the best plane watching shows bad but you like it like you don't fucking turn on

you know Killers of the Flower Moon on a plane you want to watch it at but you like it. Like you don't fucking turn on, you know, uh, killers of the flower moon on a plane. You want to watch it at IMAX, the biggest screen. Although I'm not one of those guys. That's like, nah,

you got to go see it in the theater, right? You got to see it on a big, the bigger the screen, the better. Like there are guys like that. Try to, you know,

go to the one in fucking, there's one inllywood where you can go and there's it's 70 000 feet up and 150 million feet across it's a it's called chode cinema it's so wide and it doesn't go up that high it's the chode multiplex over in burbank dude yeah it's fucking awesome dude the screen yeah you know i get that name right why ah because the screen looks like a chode you know what a chode is yeah it's a penis that's wider than it is tall. It's like a can of tuna. Anyway. So go to Chode Multiplex to go see Killers of the Flower.

Yeah, dude. Oh, man. I was with Dan last night. We went to go see Killers of the Flower and Mood at the Chode Multiplex, man. Oh, fuck. It was awesome, dude. That screen was so wide.

Anyway. I thought about making a movie, actually. I'm going to get to Supernatural. But I thought about making a movie where someone's I'm going to get to Supernatural. But I thought about making a movie where someone's possessed and there's like an exorcism. But like it's like real. It's not like the fucking... I think a good movie would be if you didn't know

if the person actually had a demon in them or if they were a crazy person and and he gets an exorcism and he thinks he's better he either thinks he's better or he's better and you don't know the whole time even at the end of the movie you're like like it sparks debate you're like were they do you think that there was a demon in him was it a horror movie or was it a movie about mental issues i don't make that movie dude and they get an exorcist and the exorcist is like pretty lack lack of days of golden shit anyway i'm getting off topic but my uh supernatural it's a bad show and here's the thing i i didn't want to tell enrique or lulu that i was going to watch it

because they were going to make me mad the way that they were going to say that it was a good show. And I know that about my friends. I know my friends. Do you know why I know my friends? Because I know my enemies and your friends are your enemies. Okay. Your friends shouldn't be that close. Like Mike Tyson said, a man who is a friend to everyone is an enemy to himself. A man who is a friend to everyone is an enemy to himself. Right? I don't know if I believe that, but that sounds fucking dope. So I wasn't going to tell them that I was watching Supernatural because I didn't want Lulu to be like, oh, that's one of my top five favorite shows.

And I didn't want Enrique to be like, oh, it's badass. Because it's a bad show and I wanted to keep that to my chest. I wanted to keep that in here. You understand? I wanted to keep it right here. I wanted to be close to the chest. I wanted to be. I wanted to watch Supernatural, know it was bad, and like it on my dolo, dude. It was not a sharing show.

What did he do, though? What did he do, though? First fucking chance he got, he says, you know what I'm watching. Fuck, dude, he betrays himself. A man that is friendly to everyone is an enemy to himself. That's what I did right there. I was being way too friendly to my friends, and I was an enemy to myself. And now I can't roll on my dolo and keep it close to the chest

about how I like to watch Supernatural because it's bad and I like it. Does any of this make fucking sense, dude? Yes. If you don't get it, then I don't want you a part of this cult. Jared Leto out there climbing the Empire State Building, dude. Chill, bro. I'll get to that later. Dude, he didn't even start at the bottom and go all the way at the top.

He did 18 floors in the middle. You fucking what? I'll get to it. But my point is, I told him and I betrayed myself. I told him I was watching Superman national and sure enough. And he goes, Oh, it's bad-ass.

And I said, no, but you know, it's a bad show. Right. And he says, no way. It's fucking awesome,

dude. There's 15 seasons. Obviously it's awesome. And I was like, you can like it, but it's bad. He's like, how about Sam though?

I'm like, dude, Sam's the worst character. You like Dean? He said, I said, I guess I don't be, he's like how about sam though i'm like dude sam's the worst character you like dean he said i said i guess i don't be knowing the names of characters in tv shows also by the way until it's like season four and then lulu came along and i enrique said yo he watches supernatural she goes that's one of my top five favorite shows of all time. And I said, to watch because you like it, but you know it's bad, right?

And she says, get the fuck out of here. Dude, how am I supposed to sit with motherfuckers that are going to like think that it's a whatever, dude. It doesn't matter. The show's bad. like watching it it's you know there's not enough colors in it it's dark and shit and green and brown but anyway picture me like that so i digress i'm watching it on the plane i download it on my phone i'm having a good time. The thing about Jared Leto is,

and I know you're with me, everyone's going to be like, wow, right? We have to remember something, dude. Just because something looks wow doesn't mean it is wow. There's no such thing as magic, right? There's trickery. That's all there is. There's trickery. Also, climbing the Empire State Building is illegal, period, unless you ask beforehand and pay people and you're famous that's some rich guy shit i am not down with that shit i am not down he climbed 18 floors in the middle of the fucking now look i'm not saying it's not hard okay i'm not saying it's not hard. It is hard. But just because something is hard doesn't mean it's good or cool.

Okay? Or worth doing. Case in point, break dancing. That's hard. You think I could do this shit? Oot, oot, oot, oot. Oot, oot, oot, oot. Oot, oot, oot, oot. Oot, oot, oot, oot.

Oot, oot, oot, oot. I can't do it. Dunk, sugar dunk. Sugar dunk, dunk. I can feel ya. Hey. I can't. You know what I'm talking about?

Whatever that song is. I'm letting you know, baby. Whoa. whatever that song is. I'm letting you know, baby. Here, hold my jacket. It's disrespectful. It's not cool to do breakdancing. I don't care, right? I don't care how baggy your clothes are or how many fucking Kobe Bryant jerseys you have.

You know what I'm talking about? You look stupid. It looks cool to some people, but to me, you're just somebody who's dressed in way too comfortable clothes and a backwards hat, and I can't tell if you're a man or a woman. Right? So, yeah.

What the fuck was I saying about Jared Letoo so the dude we don't say his name though here at this podcast we actually don't so i'm saying it right i'm say i said it but i don't i don't say his name but you know i'm talking about the guy who climbed the empire state but we don't say his name right so he climbed up 18 floors of the empire state building everyone was like whoa look what he's doing. Dude, first of all, he was strapped in. And I'm not saying it's still not impressive or fucking whatever. It's still hard.

Don't do that. You're a rich guy, and you don't just climb 18 stories. You've got to climb the whole thing. Otherwise, that ain't shit. I don't give a fuck. All right? Period. And honestly, if I'm being completely honest,

I'm not going to talk about it anymore. But I will say, oh, dude, you know what did happen? I got sidetracked because this is what I really wanted to talk about. On the way to Orlando, Florida, which is the home of Disney World, which is the home of Epcot Center. What is Epcot Center? Now, I don't know.

I don't have a fucking clue. All I remember is a commercial when I was younger where that big ball was right there, and the helicopter flew by, and Mickey was on the top of it waving. I said, hey, Ma, how did Mickey get up there? I don't remember the end of that story, but I did ask her that. Epcot Center, Orlando, Florida. I'm on the way to Orlando on the plane. The plane starts to take off. Dude, this is real. I had a full-blown panic attack. panic attack.

Like a level... I would say a level 9 panic attack, dude. Yes, dude! Dude, a level nine panic attack took off couldn't get signed on to the wi-fi so i go like this all of a sudden the stress of the world the stress of the mind gets to me and i couldn't sit up straight dude i was going like this i couldn't sit up straight and i was like oh dude have you ever had a panic attack where you pass out i've had one before that and this i didn't know if i passed out or not dude i i go like this bro you're like trying to it's like when when in ace ventura the second one when

he gets shot with the fucking darts he's just like four darts too many like dude or whatever it is i was like the guy next to me must have thought i was like transforming into an elephant because i was just like i couldn't you ever faint sitting down, dude? Like standing up is one thing you'd be like, oh yeah. Cause like it was, it's, it's, it's work to stand up. It's not work to sit down. I'm not even uncomfortable. I'm in first class and I'm just, I get all the stress for everything, for my family to work, everything all of a sudden couldn't get online i couldn't get online and i just oh my heart goes oh oh oh oh oh and i just start going i grabbed the dude i this is so i come to so i don't know it's not like i knew i passed out but i come to so it was like one of those things. I didn't know if I passed out or not, but I come to

pants soaking wet. And I'm like, great. TT'd myself. Like straight, like absolutely soaked. Okay? Like not to where you're like, oh, that's a lot, but it'll dry. I'm going to Orlando like, oh, I'm wet guy now. Like I'm wet pants man you know on the plane this is who i am if you don't know i'm comedian chris talia i'm hey the guy with the wet pants over there that's who i that's my identity in this cylindrical tube right now and i go pants soaked and i fucking i'm like did i just piss my pants and then i look and there's an empty cup glass and i was like oh yeah i asked for water

i think i must have spilled this water on my penis. And it's not piss. In the meantime, there's a guy next to me. And I'm just like, what is he thinking? Just all the, imagine, in my head, I'm like, please don't know who I am. You know? Because I just sit down. All right, we'll be in Orlando in four hours. All right. All of a sudden, I'm sit down. I go, boosh. All right, we'll be in Orlando in four hours. Boosh. Boosh.

All right, it's a cat that's being, all of a sudden I'm just like, da-da-da-da. Oh, oh. And just pouring fucking water all over my balls. And I go, ugh. And I couldn't, I couldn't sit up straight. If somebody were telling me this, I would think

they were exaggerating. And I wasn't even, you know, this was the best part. This is how you know it was a true level 9 panic attack. I wasn't even scared. This is the best, dude. I wasn't even scared of anything

at all. Because all I was focused on was trying to sit up. Like if it were a level eight, I would be like, am I dying? But I couldn't even get to that because I was dealing with the most granular purest you know what i mean functional thought hey hey me sit up do you understand i was over wet cock from the waist to knees. Just I dude, I finally sat up and I go, I hit the thing.

The gay flight attendant came up cause they're always gay. And he's like, Hey, how can I help you? And I say, Hey, can I, um,

can I have water? And I, I didn't know if I was going to pass out again so i said i'm having a panic attack you just need to keep bringing water he says okay did you take your meds and i look down and i'm holding four medicine bottles ah I don't remember taking them out. Don't remember going in and trying to handle my Prozac. Don't remember going in and trying to handle my Oprazolam. Don't remember going in and trying to handle my Citalopram. Don't remember trying to go in and handle my Finasteride. Don't know if I need it, but it's preventative.

It's for your hair. So I look and I say, oh yeah, I'm taking it. I grab the Alprazolam, dunkaroo, and in 10 minutes I feel fine. In 30 more minutes, heart starts palpitating again. Grab another one. Dunkaroo! And I'm fine. But I'm tired.

Get to Orlando. Go to sleep. Wake up. Much better, dude. Remember Dunkaroos never in my life had one dunkaroo it's date the shit out of some fucking oatmeal cream pies though didn't i didn't i Didn't I? Oh, man. Back when I didn't know that cream pie meant splurting in women. I didn't know that. I didn't know it meant that.

It does, though. I don't know if you know that. Cream pie means they don't pull out and they just go for it. Or they don't pull out and they just go for it where they don't pull out they just you know they shoot in oh made you look um anyway that was wild bro that was wild i can't believe that was the second hardest panic attack I ever got. The first one was the one when I got my nose, my sinuses done. When I said I got a nose job. But yeah. What's this? Oh, wait.

Player from BYU. Shut the F up. Oh, I think I go, hey, hey, hey, hey. Like that's crossing the line, dude. Hey, you don't want to go to hell dude byo player response try to talk from a opposing fence dude f shut the f up hey say fuck god knows you meant it just because it didn't form from your brain to your thing. Also, that guy looked crazy. That guy looked like a Ren and Stimpy character.

Shut the F up! Anyway, it was EDC again, dude. At least I'm doing all new stuff on the road. Fuck yeah, dude. Completely different than the Don't Push Me Tour. Oh, fuck. I mean, I fuck yeah dude completely different than the don't push me toward oh fuck or i mean i'm sorry completely different than grow or die fuck yeah dude he couldn't help it oh he couldn't help it he thought he'd do half and half but he couldn't

help it did he oh he couldn't help it oh he tried to do fucking half and half but then his mom went and broke it broke her hip and he did some fucking material on that. Now he's got a whole full hour. Oh, fuck. I don't know, man. I just have a good time on stage. And I love you motherfuckers that come out, man. I love you motherfuckers that come out. And I love when you motherfuckers listen to this podcast.

And I love it, dude. I do all new stuff on the road. And I went to Fort Myers, dude. I do all new stuff on the road. And I went to Fort Myers, dude. And that place is the Truman Show. I'll tell you that much. They had a restaurant called Capone's. Dude, and it said on the thing, I love it, man. Dude, I had to eat there.

I had to eat there because it said pizza so good it should be illegal. Not how it works. Not how the law works. What'd you get? Freeze. What's on that? What's on that mushrooms and sausage freeze? Get him. Did you get the pizza you better hope he

says fucking calzone he's looking at them the fucking the the people in the the plain clothes officers are just like all right we're watching you got him yeah he's got the menu. See what he's got. See what he's going to get. He ordered a Diet Coke. Okay. It's okay. I got a visual. You got him? Yeah.

Frank got a visual. Here comes the waiter. She's asking him. She's asking him some. She's asking him something. All right. We got it. Still got that shot, Frank. Got him in my eye.

Out. What'd he get? Can't tell what he ordered. The plane closed. Move. We saw him. We got the table across, but there was a bus that went by. Caught noise.

Couldn't make out what he said. Freak. Got out. I'll have to see what she comes up with. Here's you. She's bringing a pizza. She's bringing a pizza. Take him out.

Freeze. Get down. Get him down. Success. Oh, we fucking, we actually killed him. Oh, shit. Ah, fuck him. Fuck his corpse um where's cops necrophiliac uh teretic cops um so anyway dude uh I love shit like that, dude. I love dumb shit, dude. Did he say pepperoni?

We thought he said pepperoni. We can't tell. We need a visual. We need a visual on the meats. Fall back. It's a calzone fall back it's a chicken parmesan fall back it's fall back it's piccata

abort it's millenia abort mission abort mission it's mozzarella sticks and a diet coke abort mission head on over to pizza hut frank i got him in a visual got a pizza shoot him shoot him and fuck the corpse i'm on top of the kinkos i'm on top of the kinkos Frank, I got him in a visual. I got a pizza. Shoot him. Shoot him and fuck the corpse.

I'm on top of the Kinkos. I'm on top of the Kinkos and I got a visual. Frank, you got a visual? I got a visual, yeah. Here comes the pizza. It's a deep dish. Shoot him and fuck the corpse. Get him.

Put it in. Fuck him. Cream pie. There we go. All right, we're out. Great deal today, guys. Great deal. Got him with the gunshot and the cream pie. Got him them, cream pie, there we go, all right, we're out, great deal today, guys, great deal, got them with the gunshot and the cream pie, got them with the cream pie, dude, and it said, pizza's so good, it could be, it should be illegal, dude, and anyway,

nothing is more Italian, nothing is more Italian than being from Florida, dude. I, I swear to God, people think the most Italian motherfuckers are from Italy. No. Then they think they're from New York. No. New Jersey. No. Florida, dude. Florida. The most Italiano shit. Italiano shit. Dude, in the fucking place, Capone's, the handles, the door handles were fucking Tommy guns. Dude, they were Tommy guns. Like kids go to this place, you know? You have to open them like this. It was like spiky and shit with the scope. Anyway, went there. Got a fucking italian sandwich dude nothing is like fucking i was by myself dude

and i ate a fucking italian hot pressed panini sandwich let me tell you something dude it wasn't that good but when i walked by and i saw a guy eating it i was like i'm getting that i'm going to fucking there i'm getting that shit because why because i make decisions dude like i told you in the beginning of the podcast that's how i do this all right so anyway dude i did that and then did the show and it was fun man and then one of the nights dude man i went to bed went to bed, I fell asleep, you know how sometimes you fall asleep before you fall asleep, like, I fell asleep at, like, I don't know what it was, 12 30, and then woke up at, like, 6 a.m., it was, like, a weird time to fall asleep, but I was, like, jet lagged, you know, and, um,

It was like a weird time to fall asleep, but I was like jet lagged, you know? And nine, no, okay, no. Oh, I talked to Kristen at 1 a.m., fell asleep, woke up at 6 a.m., nine missed calls from Kristen. Oops. Now, palpitations. Scared as shit. Oops. Now, palpitations. Oh. Scared as shit. Oops.

Tried to call her back. What the fuck? Of course what happened? Did she pick up? Wait a minute. No, my wife's a woman. She didn't. Ah. minute no my wife's a woman she didn't the thing is she went to sleep with a ringer off but she called me nine times but why did she do that because my wife's a woman

so i call at 6 a.m. She doesn't pick up. Great. Do I go back to sleep? Kinda. Until when? 11.30, but I don't fall asleep. I'm just laying there. Finally, I call at 11.30.

She picks up. Hey, sorry, baby. Hello? Hey, babe, what's up? Hey, what's up? I said, you called me nine times. Is everything okay? Is the house on fire?

Oh, no, no, no. I went to a house party. What? Come again? I talked to you at one. Dude, she went to a house party with her friend, and like, got super faded, or something, I don't know if she got faded or not, saw, she was like, yeah, the chain smokers were there, I was like, what's going on,

anyway, she's alive, it's all good, scared the shit out of me though huh I said babe what the fuck you were at a party she said yeah I said did you cheat on me we had a laugh um bro this this uh movie trailer bro

bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh what's this before I even go to that movie trailer what's this uh yeah

oh the reveal the last lady dude uh the last lady just what is it you know um it's russian everything about that's so russian can't even believe it you can't even get that what that kid's wearing can't even get it anywhere else if you have that you're in russia you walk out of russia it immediately gets sucked back into russia the outfit um how about how the marvels made the worst had the worst mcu opening weekend of all time but we knew that was going to happen dude nobody wants to go see this movie because nobody

really cares about the brie larson superhero whatever that one is i'm not saying brie larson is bad i don't think she's bad but this character nobody cares about and then there's two other women in the movie that nobody knows the once mighty studio just took a major l after the marvels made an anemic 47 million at the domestic box office oh god dude it cost 200 million to make this It cost $200 million to make this. Wow. I guess they thought Captain Marvel. There's just too many of them.

Too many of them. And I love how people are going to be like, well, it was because we couldn't promote because of the strike. Dude, eat my ass. Nobody wants to go see Marvel. What's it called? Marvel's? because of the strike. Dude, eat my ass. Nobody wants to go see Marvel. What's it called? Marvels?

Like the Black Adam one and the other one, the Shazam 2, it was even worse than them. An anemic 47 million though. That's pretty crazy. So much money. Go to holler.baby

slash Chris D'Elia if you want to purchase a 10 word ad on the podcast. Forgot to say that a little earlier. How about what this fucking thing is? Screeing. I guess it was in the 80s. It looks like it at least. or looks like it at least.

Skiing on dirt with no skis and just poles and going to break your fucking ankles. So dangerous. Dude. I mean, flipping around. This is so irresponsible, you know? A scree report here would read, some loose dirt with occasional moguls on a granite base of 8,000 miles.

The group is raising money by selling limited partnerships to build a scree lift, a scree lodge, and a scree shop. Didn't come to fruition. Once they sell all the partnerships, they'll cash out, buy a condo in Maui, and take up board sailing. I mean, dude, the way they're jumping and putting... Every time they jump, they have to put their fucking... Click their heels up like they're in a Toyota commercial. That's so stupid, dude.

Wow, that bit where I was pretending I was undercover cops really made me tired. Holy fucking shit, dude. I mean, I just got fucking all the jet lagged when I fucking did that, when I did them fucking the corpse and shit. Tesla will sue you for $50,000 if you try to resell your Cybertruck in the first year. Man, just bananas, huh? The world's just bananas, you know? The world is just fucking bananas

how are they going to do that tesla's cyber truck will make its debut to consumers who pre-order the vehicle on november 30th tesla has released the sale terms for its long wait so you you paid for this why can't you sell it oh because they don't want you to make money. Owners of the EV pickup truck are banned from reselling their vehicles during the first year. Wow. Customer set to receive the first Tesla Cybertrucks this November. Can't resell their vehicles during the first year according to Tesla's terms and conditions. Tesla added a section titled for Cybertruck only to its motor vehicle.

So that's part of it then. You agree that you will not sell or otherwise attempt to sell the vehicle within the first year following your vehicle's delivery date. What the fuck? This is crazy. This Cybertruck? let's look at it you know what it looks like bad cgi hey guys i need this lane clear honestly it looks okay from the outside but the inside's gonna look so bad dude the inside of fucking teslas are dog shit i don't care that they have a whole computer screen on it they're dog shit i'd rather bring my whole computer in my fucking cool car

you we all have iphones that's the will be like, yeah, but the thing about the Tesla is it's really fast and also it has a computer screen in the thing. I'll just, I have an iPhone and I don't need to go that fast. There's potholes everywhere. I don't like Teslas, dude. Make them better.

They're the new Priuses. Remember, remember Prius? They still make them probably, but like they were dog shit. They were dog shit. They looked dog shit. They were good for the environment. Okay, cool.

I would love to help the environment, but I'm not going to look like I'm rolling around in dog shit. Make them cooler. Put a fin on it or some shit. Put the shark on the side like the old planes it's gonna take 18 months for this truck to become in the positive I guess and I don't fucking care at all period about any of that but I talked

about it but I talked about it. But I talked about it. Screeing. Come on, dude. The seatbelt signs off. The seatbelt signs off. I'll sit down. The seatbelt signs off. The seatbelt signs off. It's not a disturbance. It's right here, babe. I am.

Have a seat. Okay, so watch me bless him. So I used to sing on planes a long time ago. I just found out I'm up for two Grammys. My very first time, you guys. My name is Bobby Storm. And I'm up for two Grammys. I sing for the Lord.

And my song is out on all platforms. It's called We Can't Forget Him. Michael McDonald cleared it. Dude. Are you shitting me? Dude, hey. Imagine imagine imagine us there i'm up for two grand hey uh no you're not you know what i'm saying warren g is on the original record as well look at the asian lady in the background regulators i want to share this with you guys i wanted to do it when i first got on the original record as well. Look at the Asian lady in the background. I want to share this with you guys.

I wanted to do it when I first got on the plane, but I was like, you know, I haven't done this in a while. I've gotten to the next status. So are you going to be quiet? But they're enjoying it. So why? Oh, you need to be quiet. Oh, we're sitting be quiet. Oh. We're sitting here.

Can I please? I'm not enjoying it. So I'm asking you, can you be quiet? Okay. Well, I find that a... That's a yes or no answer, please. Am I going to go to jail if I don't? Can you please answer my question?

Are you willing and able to be quiet right now? I'm doing what the Lord is telling me to do. I'm asking... What if he was like bitch me too your question yes or no i'm your flight leader i need you to follow my instruction my instruction for you to answer my question are you able to be quiet what do you guys think oh what dude a democracy a fucking mutiny dude mutiny this is like crimson tide the movie i'm asking you man what

do you guys think dude everyone just go like this i think you guys what do you guys okay oh you best believe if i was there would say, let her sing. From the back, dude, me. Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord. You know what? Fuck this. I actually got it.

And I will walk 500 miles and I will walk. Dude, I would have took it over. If you're not able to follow my instruction, you will not be taking this flight. Are you able to be quiet? If that's the case, then that's fine. If you are the person in charge of it all. I'm your flight leader, yes. If you're the person in charge of it all, then that's fine.

All right. Thank you. So I'll sing it on alone for y'all in the back. If that's okay. All right. So the song is called We Can't Forget Him. All right. And you can download it.

Dude. Stop. Stop. This is a travesty. All right, so I'll sing it on the low for you guys now that he's gone. Nobody wants to. I don't know the issue. No one else has ever had an issue, but it's... Father, I thank you for each day of my life. I don't know no I need you By my side

Shining a light I follow Oh Lord I try to pretend I can do without you But I'll be out of my mind Doing things my way Losing faith

Just living life I don't want this life no more Dude, the hum in the background. I can't even believe this. Hey, this... Are we... Nobody's looking at her. My mind is yours. I keep forgetting. Do an intercom.

Talk. This is your captain speaking. So we're going to be flying into Nashville. So just so you know, if you're on this flight, you have been. Thank you so much. You got to clap on the low. I know. Thank you so much.

So look up Maverick City. Maverick City has an album out now. Do it right now. They are a contemporary gospel group, and I have been blessed to be a part of that album. That's called We Can't Forget Them. Yep, We Can't Forget Them. And it's available everywhere. It's on the billboards.

So, you know, people like that, you know, they spirit so little. They can't forget them and it's available everywhere it's on the billboards so you know people like that you know they spirit so little they can't accept it but i'm here to spread what god needs me to spread i'm here to spread that because that's what's gotten dude i can't believe this is still going dude this is still going me where i am i quit my job in october of last year going. Who cares, dude? Wow. I really wonder what I would do if I was there. Nobody is talking to her. Right now, V-O-B-B-I, storm like the weather. Thank you guys, for sure. Thank you guys. And Bobby, you're what now?

A two-time Grammy nom? Yes, just as of today. Two-time Grammy nominated with Maverick City. The Maverick way. Thank you. Thank you. the Maverick way. Thank you. Thank you. Dude, that's the number one cringiest thing I think I've ever seen in my life.

She's also not nominated. Dude, she's not nominated. She appears on the Maverick City music EP that's nominated for best gospel album, but she's not nominated. Dude, that was, I've never, I've never, one time when I was at Mel's Diner, I saw a really young woman walk up to Busta Rhymes

who was there also at Mel's Diner and she started singing to him and it was so bad she wasn't good and he didn't even look up and it was so hard to watch and this was much longer than that I wish I was there dude dude i want to so i'm gonna watch it again i'm not gonna watch again on the podcast because i know people probably don't want me to hear it again but my god i cannot fucking believe holy shit dude what the bobby storm dude she's my favorite artist from now on she's my favorite. She's my favorite singer. She's my favorite singer. But it's this.

No. Dude, that's breathtaking, that experience. Thank you, Bobby Storm. Thank you so much for that breathtaking experience. How does this guy do the levitation man all right you know the fucking music you know bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang if i can levitate huh i would have been killed if it was the 1600s um all right i guess that's it. Dude, you guys, thank you very much for listening.

Oh my god, I gotta watch that thing again. I appreciate you guys. If you want to watch the rest of the video, that's it for YouTube. If you want to watch the rest of it, go to patreon.com slash chrisdalia. Thank you very much. And remember to go watch my special chrisdalia.com. It's called Grow or Die. And check it all out.

The new Grow or Die merch is up there too, go get it thanks a lot guys out out out out