Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 352. Loyal To Da Game

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

MY NEW SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😮 Get 10-word ads at holler.baby/chrisdelia 😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this week's podcast Chris can't believe how terrible People Magazine has become. He's also watching too much Supernatural and Face Off. Plus AI models, Andrew Tate, Young Thug on trial, and just for our Patreon subscribers we watch the Grand Theft Auto 6 trailer. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer is like a cocktail. It has to be mixed just right. Start with a handful of great friends. Now, add your favorite music. And then, finally, add Bacardi Rum. And there you have it. The perfect summer mix. Bacardi. Do what moves you. Live passionately. Drink responsibly. Copyright 2024.

Bacardi. It's trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Runk. Oxnard, California. Be there in a few weeks. Get your tickets now. They're getting scooped up. Sacramento, California.

Brea, California. Got a lot of California days here. Phoenix, Arizona. I'm coming back, baby. I love Phoenix, Arizona. El Paso, Texas, Albuquerque, New Mexico, and some other dates that are about to pop off live here soon. And you can get this special if you haven't seen it yet, Grow or Die at chrysalia.com. It's been great and if you haven't seen it what are you doing? go on over to chrisalea.com and get that special and check it out don't be the only one left out and

there's also actually the new merch is cool from Grow or Die this is it Grow or Die there you go that shirt, nice little color of stone or something grow or die. There you go. That shirt, nice little,

looks like the color of stone or something, you know? Nice if you've got blue eyes, it really pops with it. I don't, but you know, I'm still secure. So anyway, chrislea.com and a lot of other cool merch. But without further ado, this is the next episode of congratulations. Here we go. There we go. Um, we, you know, if you are what you say, you are, you're a superstar. I don't know, dude, you, um, how do you get a song stuck in your head if you didn't hear it?

I didn't hear it. And that was just what popped in my head and I didn't hear it. So go figure. Oh man, here we are, dude. Here we are. Well, I'll tell you, it's already too hot in this room. I don't know how, when they made this room in in this house they didn't put the air thing on it but it's all good it is what it is um i got back from um philadelphia and redding which was uh Pennsylvania. Loving it. I don't know the Philadelphia is, they had this like, it was, first of all,

it was raining the whole time. Philadelphia is cool. It's one of those places that's just too focused on the sports. Although during Christmas time, you know what it is? Dude, they're too focused on whatever is going on. christmas time was bonkers there they were just it was there was santa out right outside i was staying at my hotel right outside there was like this square

where you could go it was actually really really cool they built these like huts out there and you could like go buy candles and everything that like wives and moms like and you can go get food like croissants and shit and you can go get like you can go probably santa was there there was a carousel it was just crazy and it was so packed and i was about oh in an ice skating rink and then i went to uh and then there was the grinch there i thought it was a statue one of those guys that does this. And then if you give him a dollar, he'll go, oh, hi. And I was like, oh, that's not a statue. That's a guy.

And I put money in his thing, like a loan guy. It was just me. And I was like, I got to get a video for Calvin. And I put the tip in, and he goes, oh, hey. And then I was holding the video, and he thought I was taking a picture, so he was trying to stay still. I'm like, no, dude, I put the thing in there so you could move, and now you're staying still because you think it's a picture, it's a video.

It was a debacle, honestly, but it was fine. It was also, the makeup was amazing, bro. I've been watching this show on Netflix called Face Off, and here's the deal, dude. I don't know why they put only some seasons on on on streaming services i guess it's just to like pimp out the show a little bit to see if we like it and then we go find the show where it is originally like it's on peacock it's called face off and it's a bunch of hollywood makeup artists well it's a bunch of makeup artists that want to get into hollywood

um and they'll do things like, you know, anywhere from like Ms. Doubtfire makeup to like Braveheart, where he just paints a little blue on them, and it's like they vie for the winner, to be the winner, and it's, I didn't even know that, how has this show been on for nine seasons, or like how many seasons is Face Off? How many seasons is Face Off? 13. 13 seasons.

Seasons. Yeah. Oh, sorry, 11. No, 13. How has something been on 13 seasons? I don't know what the fuck it is until now. Do you understand? 13 years, and it's on the sci-fi channel but okay but still it's also on peacock so anyway i watched it on on um uh on netflix and i and it was like trending number four or whatever and i was like all right all right i'll check out. I'm not really into, you know, but we'll see.

Maybe someone could do something cool with like a devil or a Grinch. We'll check it out, bro. That shit sucked me in. And it's like a hypnotizing show, dude. It's like a mindless show that you can, those are the best shows, aren't they? Where you don't really have to pay attention. You can just turn them on at 3.30 PM and it's on and you kind of know what's going on.

And you're just like, oh, like I don't like reality TV and I don't really like competition shows, but boy, is this that? And boy, am I sucked in. I'm a housewife. Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, but you can turn a fucking comedian male into a housewife apparently because I just watched that show, dude. And they only had two seasons on Netflix.

And I go, oh man, I thought it was seasons one and two. It's not, it's like seasons five and seven. And I go, oh dude, where's the, I'm buying the, go take me to iTunes. Then found out it was on Peacock. I'll guess he's got a Peacock prescription. Me, I got his Peacock subscription. got a peacock prescription me i got a peacock subscription peacock prescription like i'm a vet peacock subscription and so now i'd be watching it so much dude and it's mindless and me and my wife we watch that dude oh god what's in my mouth plastic Plastic. And so I watched that. And anyway, that's, you know, it is what it is. I got sucked in and now I watch it on Peacock. And that's my life, dude.

Okay? And my friend was like, are you going to download it when you go on the plane? And I was like, no, dude, I'm on my Supernatural shit because I'm watching Supernatural. And Supernatural continues to be the absolute worst show i've ever seen and i watch it and it's mindless and it's terrible and it's always green everything every shade is green why do they do that dude why do they make movies like like minority report is blue only blue even tom cruise is like a little bit of a shade of blue it's all blue why do they do that i didn't realize they do it so much that movie whiplash is all yellow and it's all yellow it's about fucking that song is about the movie whiplash and then whiplash is gonna come out

in a few years and it's all yellow the worst rendition of that song bro when i first heard that song yellow i go like this oh life's different now because i love it and i and i i thought dude my friend said it was a masterpiece after you heard it the first time i laughed so hard i started crying i was laughing so hard but it is i'll be damn it is a masterpiece After I heard it the first time, I laughed so hard I started crying, I was laughing so hard But it is, I'll be damned, it is a good show A movie, a song, wow What am I, Foghorn Leghorn? Anyway, I watch Face Off I watch Supernatural on the plane

Dude God, it's so fucking ridiculous That show, talk about a show that's been on That's been on for like 19 seasons And they'll just be like uh uh you know what sam will just be like well dad dad didn't respect me and then dean will just be like well he checked up on you you just didn't know about it and sam was like why don't you tell me and then dean would just be like it's a two-way street buddy why don't you call him you know and

i'm just like okay that's actually kind of you know a two-way street, buddy. Why don't you call him? You know? And I'm just like, okay. That's actually kind of, you know, I don't like, that's the thing I don't like about the show though. It's like, just fight the vampires, find the motherfuckers. First of all, it says it's, it says it's, it says, what's his name? Jeffrey Dean Stanton. What's the guy? He's a, he's a regular on the show.

Dude, he's been only on one scene in the beginning. The guy's getting paid out the fucking anus dude he's just getting paid out the anus just just chilling god that's the job man remember when network tv you just get i don't know if it's like that anymore but my god you just get paid like 50 g's just to be oh god they'd be like we don't need you today you're just getting 50 just getting fucking five racks sitting in a trailer You're just getting 50, just getting fucking five racks. Sitting in a trailer.

I don't know. This is just the beginning of the podcast. I'm bumbling around, but it's just like. Michael B. Jordan crashed his fucking Ferrari. He crashed his blue Ferrari into a blue Kia or something and just got out. That's a beautiful car. He crashed his Ferrari and just got out, and the cops were like, what happened?

And he's like, I'm not saying shit. And that is awesome, dude. That's what I want to do if i ever like because my friend was like oh i can't believe he didn't say anything to the cops he didn't even offer an explanation i was like dude that happens mom's the word for me if that happens to me all of a sudden oh i must be fucking i'm i'm i'm kind of reeves with his mouth when his mouth gets all covered in the matrix you ain't hearing shit dude i'm i see all those fucking bullshit confessions that they coerce and they make you do it that would that would work on me straight up if i was drunk driving and because you're drunk already

and then you crash and you're like hey what's going on here and you're you're trying to play it off just don't say shit but you want to because you're drunk you'll just be like yeah everything is fine you know we just came we're playing we're coming from uh the hills it's all good and you're like all right turn around spread them what for if you don't say shit refuse to breath the visor fuck yeah let that blood alcohol content lower as you're driving off to the station? How do I know, man? The Frank do I know? I need to, you know, it's like,

I'm so happy I'm home. I'm home for a while. And I came home and Calvin gave me a big hug. That feels so good, dude. Part of me just doesn't, now that I'm a dad of two, I miss my family so much on the road. You know, FaceTiming and shit. But bro, if you think for a second,

for one second, that I didn't eat three fucking, that I didn't eat a club sandwich every single night at the Ritz-Carlton at 1 a.m. because they had room service 24 hours a day. If you think I didn't eat that with the fucking, dude, they had guacamole salsa on it.

If you think for one second, dude, they had white cheddar cheese on it. If you think for one second Chris missed that opportunity, well, dude. They had white cheddar cheese on it. If you think for one second Chris missed that opportunity, well, dude, check me out eating fucking a turkey club 1 a.m. at the fucking Ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia, dude. I don't know, man.

I got all new material and I'm happy with it. I talk about rehab in there and one of the guys from rehab came to my show in redding with his wife and i was like talking about him on stage obviously i didn't use his name i was just like oh for fuck's sake this is this is crazy dicey i was sweating. But then afterwards, he was like, bro, that was so funny. I was like, thank God. Thank God. What's going on in the world?

Right here. Not now. right here not now oh dude somebody threw something to Florence Pugh's face ooh god I hate that is her name Florence Pugh that's like if it smells bad um God, I hate that shit. Is her name Florence Pugh? That's like if it smells bad.

Where's your favorite place in Italy, Florence? Florence Pugh. Dude, it's a... I've been thrown something on stage once, twice. I've been thrown a flyer to another comedy show. It's disrespectful. Disrespectful. And a pencil. The pencil hit me in the shoulder.

The flyer cut my nose. It was Gambit. It must have been Gambit, dude. They just go, and it goes, and I go, what the fuck? Who the fuck are these derelicts, dude? You know what it is? You know what it is? It's in the crowd.

They know they can't be seen. This is basically a motherfucker online. Just anonymously throwing a... Oh, right in her fucking eye. God, dude. Everyone hates Hollywood anyway. I was on the I was on the I was on the plane

and wait a minute Young Thug is is on trial oh Young Thug I was thinking of who's that other dude yeah yeah

you know what I fucking was thinking about this the other day yeah I know he's on trial Robbie Young Thug's racketeering trials began with Georgia Parkers accusing him of being a gang. I love how rappers will get

in law trouble and everyone will just be like, free him! No, free him! You can be able to kill nine people. Free him! Free Bobby Shmurda, man. Free Bobby Shmurda. Didn't he kill someone?'re like yeah free tory

lanes he shot someone's foot free him why because they rap that's crazy dude if a comedian gets merely a whiff of an accusation people are like oh dude kill him stab him laser beam him to death um and the atlanta rapper was accused of co-founding a violent street gang in his co-founding a violent street gang in his hometown prosecutors are using the critically acclaimed performers own lyrics as evidence against him that's crazy to me dude it's art that's crazy although rappers be brazen as shit, though. He's been in jail since May 2022. Wow. Fuck.

That is crazy. We didn't chase any of the lyrics to solve any murders he's the law enforcement in full kind of chased some murders and found the lyrics i mean i guess but every rapper talks about killing motherfuckers that's what rap is what's that whole thing i murdered everything moving jay-z said lock him up i ain't even have to use my AK. Today was a good day. Okay, today you're free. All the other days, lock them up, Ice Cube. What about fucking lock up Ice-T, dude?

Lock them all up. Lock up Xzibit for fucking making Pimp My Ride. Lock up Eminem for killing his, right? Didn't he have a fucking, not every other song is about kidnapping his fiance. Lock him up. Or, well, you know, although there was that one song by R. Kelly when he was like, I did it, I made it, or whatever. It was like, don't, you know, bro, you're really pushing it, you know? Because these rap, also, what, what, also, also, what is a young thug lyric?

Can, I can't understand. I'm a 43-year-old dude, but I don't know what he's saying. Fuck, I'm so old. He sounds underwater. Look, your prosecution, your honor, I'd actually like to put this song. You know what? Honestly, here. Young Thug Thug Songs.

Wow, the names of the songs. I'd like to exhibit a the song Oh You Went it's a basic here we go well let's play it play it yep there we go

and lock them up I don't know I'm an old guy now i really am rappers all sound the same to me i'm an old guy um about this fucking shit. You cried. I'm not a coward and I'm not a liar. You cried. There were tears that ran down my face, but I did not cry.

I mean, that's crying. I'm not a coward and I'm not a liar. You cried. There were tears that ran down my face, but I did not cry. I mean, that's crying. That's the most manly shit, dude. That is the most... I'm a coward and I'm a liar. You cried.

There were tears running down my face, but I did not cry. That's crying. Nope. You painted the house. There was paint in the bucket. I used the brush. I put the brush in the bucket

and then I spread it all over the house. But I did not in the bucket. I used the brush. I put the brush in the bucket, and then I spread it all over the house. But I did not paint the house. You know? You dance at the party. Well, I was at the house with many people there. There was music playing, and I did move to the beat, but I was not dancing.

You danced. There were tears that ran down my. Dude, the fact that Andrew Tate just is so ready to just talk so loud and bite someone's face off. Oh, wow. People are sad. This was...

Look at the... He also claims he's not bald. And then someone says, I'm not bald. There's skin running up my scalp, but I'm not bald. But that... You know what, dude?

Honestly, those are the times we live in. Those are the times we live in. Like, because he... You can just straight be like, I'm not crying. I remember there's a joke that, uh, what was his name? Um, Frank Caliendo had about, uh, uh, Bill Clinton. And he was just like, Bill Clinton lies so much, you know, all politicians lie, but he was like, Bill Clinton will lie so much. He'll just be like, I am not here.

And dude, you, that was funny back then. Now you could do that. Trump could be like, I'm not here. And Trumpers will be like, I don't fucking see him. Prove it. You can just do that. I think that that's so wild. I mean, dude, we don't know what's real and what's not anymore have you seen the ai model itana or whatever it sounds like a fucking i mean how much is this the

people who made her like love mortal kombat itana weeds here it is Aitana Woman is Spain's hottest model But she's not real So Spanish to like do The reason they did it is so Spanish And this is the best So she's got pink first of all Yeah of course she's slamming she's fake But let me tell you this dude

Alright look with tousled pink hair Feline eyes and a prominent decolletage I don't know what that is Aitana Lopez 25 is the kind of model who could sell anything all right yada yada she is about 200 000 followers and she was invented okay now my my buddy sent me this picture of her and he's like look at how hot this chick is and i looked at her and the first thing i thought was she's fake it's still not good enough yeah Yeah, it does look good. But like, if you're the kind of guy that like,

and also she's still fake. Everyone knows she's fake and she's still selling stuff. Like she's still promoting. She makes a tooth out. She, whoever these fucking, you know, Spaniards are that made her makes two grand, like a shout out or whatever. And she's not even real. Anita Lopez. Here's the thing the reason why they did it the quote was we did it we so we could this was my favorite we did it so that

we could make a better living and not be dependent on other people who have egos who have manias or who just want to make a lot of money by posing dude that is so awesome these instagram hisos are about to have a rude awakening with no one straight up no one is you know who's going to replace you you know how you say oh dude you're gonna get replaced oh don't have a bad attitude they'll drop you in a second to hire someone else oh yeah dude now they'll just drop you in a second and replace you with no one anita lopez itana lopez she's not real, dude. I love that. Oh, dude, people who have attitudes, the fuck out. I can't deal with attitude peoples.

I can't deal it. Also, you know how easy it is to be a fucking model nowadays? Get them, you used to have to go through like agencies and shit like that. Now you can just build your own following. It's almost as easy as being a fucking passable comedian nowadays.

Oh my God. There's so many trash comedians. I can't even fucking believe it. If I see another person who's done standup for three years, it's like my specials coming out in two weeks. I'm going to fucking become, I'm going to drive for UPS, dude. Did you know how many times I I'm like, I don't know if that joke's good enough. I don't know if I should do that.

Should I put that out? And you got people out there that say, hey, where are you from? Oh, yeah? Oh, you're a teacher? Oh, yeah? Whoa. He's all like, I'm a teacher. I just do this whole wave of stand.

I don't even know if I'll do. Honestly, let me be honest with you. I put out my special. I made a fucking lot of money on my special doing it my way. That's great. And it's great that I made money on it. I have money. Dude, I may not even do another special.

Because it's so quick. And the turnaround is so. It's like i see other comedians put stuff out and it's like oh they're talking about the thing that just happened a month ago it's like by a year from now i do this bit and i've been working on it for a year like that like i did this joke about the um the spider-man meme where i was like my my it's in grow or die i was talking about how my these people are i say these three people are looking at each other it's like that spider-man meme dude i've been doing that since like that meme came out and now i heard it's out on my grow or

die and i've been doing it for two years but like there's people who are doing that joke now and it's like i don't think they stole it or i don't you know i don't know if they saw me do it and then fucking did it themselves but it's like it's kind of not the hardest thing to think of you know obviously they probably aren't doing it the same way i'm doing it but it's like oh you gotta fucking let this shit be out it's like you're trying to beat everyone to the punch and that's what that's what i don't like about uh i don't know man i feel like these jokes need you need time to like do it but i guess that's not the fucking thing anymore i'm the old guy talking now because like that's why i used to get annoyed with twitter when i would tweet it's like people are just like they wait

for somebody to die just to make a joke about it on twitter and it's like all right dude you got your fucking nine followers from it it was was sad that the person died, though. How about and how about just chill? And this is a first draft joke. It just happened. But then people became millionaires off the shit. So it's like, OK, you got people sitting in seats because of this. I don't know, man.

But anyway, it's easy to become a fucking model. Models really took it into their own hands, though, didn't they? We realized how everyone like how we realized how the real people like curvy women and shit, you know, like remember when models used to be all like remember when Jen Aniston was like it. Dude, if Instagram was around back then, Jen Aniston would have been treated like Taylor Swift By people who were like Oh dude she has no butt She's fucking this and that She's mid All the friends cats would be Latino You know

It'd be like fucking It wouldn't be Jennifer It would be like Yennefer What's the fucking Monica It would be Monique You know Chandler would be Monique. You know? Chandler would be Chorizo.

Hey, what's up? I'm back. Joey comes in. Whoa, dog. Jose. It would be fucking, and everyone would be thick as shit although what's her name was hot um monica courtney cox uh yeah she was and you know i'm not taking anything away from jenna aniston and and and and lisa kudrow was good looking. It's just, yeah.

We really got exposed by liking them thick, you know, because Instagram is like, you just got. Oh, dude, I always think about this, Disneyland and how expensive it is? This is crazy, dude. Here's what I don't get about PR. Like, Nick Cannon says, this is the headline, Nick Cannon says he probably spends $200 thousand dollars a year taking his 12 kids to disneyland first of all it's too many kids okay but second of all if you have 12 kids you

go to disneyland we know because disneyland it costs 25 for a coca-cola um so but what i here's what i don't get because this is in people magazine i know nick cannon is a star and has been a star for a long time so, but what I, here's what I don't get, because this is in People Magazine, I know Nick Cannon is a star, and he's been a star for a long time, but honestly, why is this in the fucking, any news, that's what I don't get, like, I don't understand why, so he, look, he appeared at the Breakfast Club show. This is how it happened. Told the host that he goes to Disneyland at least once a month to celebrate special occasions and kids' lives, birthday holidays.

You know how much money I spend at Disneyland a year? A lot. He conferred by saying, to move around Disney, like, I'm probably spending $200,000 a year at Disneyland. Okay. So, first of all, he said probably, which means he doesn't know. Second of all, this said probably, which means he doesn't know. Second of all, this is in People Magazine. Do people,

I mean, I'm clicking on this because it's ridiculous. Are people, like, is a PR person being like, hey, we got to get this in the news because like crazy shit happens to stars

that nobody reports on. And why is this in it you know i'm saying he has 12 kids dude that's so awesome i i would do that if i had never-ending money um i would have so many kids and all my haters would be like oh no i'd be like yo we don't i'd be like baby's kids we don't die we multiply i don't understand that people like nikki hill like here's another one nikki hilton admits motherhood definitely changed her bond with sister paris hilton

dude first of all like i guess that's PR right because who the fuck and I don't mean this is a disrespect like they're great those women I don't know them at all they they do good shit maybe I don't know I don't fucking know I don't know I'm talking to my ass no knock on them but who the fuck even cares about what Paris Hilton is doing right now and she was the famous one I don't even I don't even remember there's a Nikki Hilton oh okay oh yeah there's any count so that changed motherhood and definitely changed her bond with sister Paris who gives a fuck I I don't understand this here's another one Mindy Kaling visits nyc with kids for thanksgiving who gives a fuck

who's clicking on that look at this here's another one jessica simpson feels like she's it's all people that fucking used to be famous look at this one Gregory Peck look at this one Julius Caesar went shopping at Lowe's look at this unbelievable holy shit Jessica Simpson feels like she

already had Christmas after her kids put up a holiday tree early dude so what do something about Ryan Reynolds at least or Taylor Swift put up a holiday tree early. Dude, I saw what? Do something about Ryan Reynolds at least. Or Taylor Swift. Here's another one. Macaulay Culkin steps out with both sons for first time at a Hollywood walk-in.

Okay, he got to Hollywood walk-in. Okay, fine. And it's Christmas. Okay, because they're home alone. Okay. But Macaulay Culkin, everyone here used to be famous. Does people report on anybody that fucking... This is crazy, bro.

Look at that. Oh, bro, I'm losing my mind. Paris Hilton. Here's another one. This is all on people. Paris Hilton spends $700 at Party City hours before his son Phoenix's birth to decorate delivery suite.

I got some fuck. Who's this? Look at this, another one. Gwyneth Paltrow shares her most recent picture she's not fucking famous anymore who gives a fuck what the fuck is people doing dude is this issue in 2001 this is now oh my god dude another one about Jessica Simpson dude Jessica Simpson husband says her Jessica Simpson says her husband and kids miss her as she splits time between their lives.

I know shit. What's this? No shit weekly? Bro, what? This is, oh my, oh my God. Another one, dude. Kat Von D's renovation. Who the fuck thinks about these people anymore?

Wow, bro. fucking thinks about these people anymore wow bro what what what I got it wait a minute dude I got to be like that in fucking three years people will probably be like oh Chris Lee used to be famous I can't wait to get people shit Chris Chris D'Elia walked around a fucking Ralph's grocery

store with cargo shorts on. Oh, I can't wait for that. Yo, Grand Theft Auto. Trust. Trust. Hold on. So, all right. Grand Theft Auto coming out

we'll probably get flagged for this huh yeah I can't play it Grand Theft Auto trailer came out Grand Theft Auto is oh yeah because there's a song on it by Tom Petty came out bro

this trailer came out five hours ago. It has 33 million views. Oh my, they don't even make the game anymore. They make the ad revenue off that. They just made fucking 20 mil off of this YouTube video. Oh my God, dude.

Look at this. Somebody that commented, we've waited 10 years for this moment and it's finally here. Dude, it's not come out to 2025. That is crazy. What? Here, look, I'm going through it. It looks cool, but these are all cut scenes, right?

No, they're not? They show gameplay? This is? Oh, I'll turn it low then so I can watch it. Oh. All right, I'll turn it low then so I can watch it. Oh. All right, we can do. All right, we'll do this on the Patreon then, yeah.

Fuck it. It looks so badass. I'll go, I'll get it, and I'll play it for a day, dude. It is crazy how many views this shit gets. God, is it in Miami? Is that what it is? Miami's different huh is it in miami i don't know but like let's just talk about miami miami's just different huh you could go into miami and like you could go to miami and get hiv and you know what i mean like the most miami shit would be like going to miami getting hiv and either having it turn into full-blown AIDS and dying within a year or just live with HIV for decades in Miami.

You know what I mean? Both of those things are the most Miami shit. And you could do that. You could do that in Miami. You know what I'm talking about? And just have the time of your life like, dude, the guy got shot. What was the Versace? Was that the guy who got shot outside in Miami, you know what I'm talking about, and just have the time of your life, like, dude, the guy got shot, what was the, Versace, was that the guy who got shot outside in Miami, he just went outside to get the paper, and he just, pap, pap, somebody, pap, right, that gay dude just, pap, pap,

to Versace, and he just fucking died, and Versace was just like, bro, that's Miami, that was probably his last, last word was probably like, that's Miami,. And by the way, also everyone's gay in Miami. They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. You're gay in Miami and that's fine. But like you go to Miami, Miami is like prison. You go there for too long. You just start fucking dudes.

You just start letting it happen because who gives a fuck? Miami is so crazy. And the dudes there are short and wide as fuck because there is always a festival in Miami and it's Miami. Why do you even need a festival in Miami? Like how many times a year does somebody say, dude, meet me at Art Basel. I don't know when the fuck Art Basel is, but it's every fucking two weeks or they have ultra. Miami is just fucking crazy different and it's so hot and it'll rain so hard for 19 minutes and then stop. Like it changed its mind.

The weather just goes, you know what? No, fuck it. You don't have my consent to keep raining. That's what Miami does. And then the weather goes, oh, I'm so sorry. And then they say, well, let's just have another festival. Miami's crazy, dude. Miami's crazy, dude.

We all need to live in Miami. And I need to start snorting crazy fentanyl. Just distilled. And the sun sets. God damn it. You know what I need to get? Super fucking tan. I am so sick of being so translucent. I'll tell you what, man. I'm going to get tan. You know what I need to get? Super fucking tan. I am so sick of being so translucent.

I'll tell you what, man. I'm going to get tan. You know what? Mark my fucking words. I'm going to get tan. It's December. I'm going to get tan. And I'm going to get tan.

And I'm going to have a fucking great time being tan, dude. i don't know man i don't know if i could it's hot as fuck in here um i was at arrow one the other day and it was just like, I was with the family. It was really nice. You know, we got some chicken for $57 and Erewhon is just like, Erewhon has a, now has a, uh,

uh, they did a collaboration with Balenciaga and it's like, all right, dude, you know, Erewhon Balenciaga hat that just says Erewhon Balenciaga. And it's like $207,000. And then they have a shirt that just says Erewhon Balenciaga.

And it's $650. And it's just like, dude. And people, I see this shit on Instagram. People comment under it. Holy shit, that's lit. I'm like, all right, man. Kuda. But anyway, I'm there and we're chilling.

Bro, there's like nine Russians that hang out of the Erewhon that just sit and smoke and have like Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on no matter what the weather. And like they have the tight shirts where their fucking bellies are coming out what is it with armenian and russian motherfuckers where they just will put on a shirt and then gain the weight it's like that's what it's like it's like they're just like and no i don't change my shirt dog not not not till it rips and it's like a fucking um fendi shirt you know or uh or uh or uh and and and it just like will smoke outside of a fucking patio and they're not they don't say shit to each other and they got crazy jewelry on, but there was one of the dudes that just was there by himself.

There are usually like nine of them there, and he was by himself. I'm with my family, and he's there, and he's next to us. Just pick. You know what he's doing? Pick in a ringtone.

Hey, guy, do that in the car, or put fucking beats in the shit was like and my even my son was like what's that guy doing and i'm like bro you're annoying a three-year-old? How do you do that? You can't annoy a three-year-old. They just laugh. You don't get annoyed until you're like fucking 17, 18. This dude in the fucking tight Fendi shirt was just... No, not that one.

No, not that one. Calypso? No, not that one. No, not that one. Billy's crying a lot over there. I hear him out there. He's crying. Billy's seven months. He's crawling.

Barely. He's almost crawling. He's like moving. He's doing that army walk like somebody shot his friend um and he's trying to go get him ducking um sorry guys i had to go to the bathroom um anyway yeah let's see what's up with this stuff god that's so cute man kids just keep he just keeps getting cute when does he as a father you're just like, he just keeps getting cute. When does he, as a father, you're just like, you're just like, oh, you have your first kid and then you're like, oh, this is as good as it's ever going to get. And then like three weeks later, you're like, no, actually, whoa, hold on.

He just looked in my eyes. This is as good as it's ever going to get. And then he starts crying. You're like, oh, this is the best it's ever going to get. And then it starts walking like this is the best it's ever going to get. And then he starts crawling. You're like, oh, this is the best I've ever got. And then he starts walking like this is the best I've ever got. And then he starts wanting to go see a movie. You're like, oh, this is going to be the best I've ever got. And then you're like, oh, it's just every day

is better and better. Dude, I am blessed and it's awesome. And now Billy is starting to crawl and it's just the sweetest, sweetest thing. Dude, I know this is a comedy podcast. I don't always want to do comedy, bro. You know? But yeah, I'm blessed, man. I'm very is a comedy podcast. I don't always want to do comedy, bro. You know? But, yeah, I'm blessed, man.

I'm very thankful for my life. But let's go into... Yeah, so let me ask you a question about this George Santos shit. I know he's expelled from Congress. Everybody does all of the bad things when you're at that level so sup they fucking pick and choose willy-nilly shit it's unbelievable like trump had the documents at his house every other president always took documents and shit that's just if you're the president and you're not taking documents home, you're not really being the president, dude.

I want a president that takes to work home with him. Documents and all. I want secret dossiers. I want all sorts of shit. I want my president to take documents home, dude, because I want him to have homework because he's the president. I want him to have the documents on him when he's playing golf every president plays fucking golf i want to except for joe biden because he would fall the fuck down but uh did you see about the thing when he was saying to uh joe biden when joe biden was with the the little girl and he was like how old are you and and she was like, how old do you think?

He was like, 17. She's like, and the mom was like, she's six. You saw that? Okay. Not the president anymore. Dude, you make a mistake like that? Not the president anymore. A six-year-old looks like only a six-year-old.

But yeah, I don't, it's so weird how like this shit happens with political figures because hey they all do it they all do it it's hard even to believe in a democracy and i don't mean to fucking turn into right chris but it's hard even to believe in a democracy when you know there's behind the scenes we don't know stuff that the government's doing and i'm not even saying that we should i don't even give a fuck we're never gonna know all this shit so the whole do your own research shit i'm just like i have no idea what what is it you can do confirmation bias if i really wanted to look into joe biden being a lizard i could probably find some shit where I'd be like,

oh man, maybe he does go into the ocean and shed his skin. It's out there. Let's do some of this here. Hello, Gretchen Dugan, truest baby, sending you elder pin now. Ty G plays golf like the cops are after him. To Liz from Will in Portland. Happy 10th wedding anniversary.

Go to my holler dot. What is it? Get your shout out or ads, whatever, at holler dot baby slash Crystalia. And there you go. Is Billie Eilish gay? Billie Eilish came out as gay god you know what i i i it's i i the fact that it's new news to come out and be like sexuality should straight up just be nobody's business period or or everyone's business

if we didn't give a fuck but people do give a fuck obviously so um also we know she's gay you know she's too successful and poppy to not be gay at this point everyone's got to be gay you can't not be gay if you're a pop singer. What'd she say, though? We're like, no, we love her. How did that reception feel? Has your mind changed a little bit? I'm still scared of him, but I think he's really bold.

He's double-struck. What the fuck is this? Why did an espresso ad pop up in the middle of it? George Clooney and his fucking espresso ads. It's like, come off it, guy's got eight trillion dollars um so billy eilish confirmed that she recently came out we know you know you can't not be like they're all gay wait she revealed she didn't intend to make a grand gesture of coming out no i didn't eilish said but i kind of thought wasn't it obvious i didn't realize people didn't know i just

don't really believe in it i'm just like why can't we just exist agree i've been doing this for a long time and i just didn't talk about it whoops agree dude billy eilish you got a new fan fuck yeah she's my favorite artist dude because not because she does leslie shit but because she doesn't give a fuck i you know yeah you know how much I wish I was gay so I could just be like, oh, yeah Oh, dude, you know how much I wish I was gay for real and i'm so so on my deathbed Like I would probably well I would wait till my kids were like super old so I can't traumatize them But I would be like right as the deathbed was about to happen. I would go like this by the way I smoke poles by the way dude oh i smoke poles

that would be the best way to come out oh just so y'all didn't know i know obviously obviously we know that i was into chicks, but guess what? Also smoke balls. Just die. That's cool, man. But we knew, though, you know? Like, who are the big pop artists? Like, you're telling me Taylor Swift never did some gay shit? She may be a little too old, but like, the Billie Eilish, what is she like 21?

Like you don't grow up now and not do gay shit. At least, you know what, dude? I'm too LA because I guarantee in Texas, they don't stay still until they, not even Texas, but like Oklahoma or like Louisiana. Not around here, boy. All you don't know around here, boy. What are you wearing? Pink?

They do that. I wear pink. You go to the South to be like, what what are you wearing pink they do that i wear pink you go to the south to be like the fuck you wearing that you're securing your mess you're securing your masculinity heterosexuality it's crazy to be remember what rappers were the first gays you know because they would like wear the pimp shit like the rings the diamond rings the fucking all the all the pink stuff you know they'd like buy bags that's gay as shit cameron you know they say diddy's gay i didn't know shit about diddy up until this year i knew nothing about diddy up until this year my black friends were like ohdy up until this year. My black friends were like,

oh, you ain't know. And I was like, what? They say, oh, Diddy's been on that gay shit. He has dildos. And I'm like, really? And he was a bad dude. I was like, I didn't know about this. They said it was like R. Kelly had no idea, had no idea about that, you know, but I guess in a black community, Diddy was known to be a motherfucker, but whatever, dude, finally Tupac's getting his fucking comeuppance, dude, I liked Tupac so much, this is such a funny story, I like Tupac so much that when he died, that's when I really started getting into his music, you know, 1996.

And then they started, then Biggie died. And then Puff Daddy, who was, Diddy was Puff Daddy back then. He made a song called I'll Be Missing You. It's about Biggie. And I always was like a Tupac fan. So I felt like, fuck Biggie. You know, dude, as a 16-year-old kid,

white kid in La Cunada, I was like, yeah, I don't listen to Biggie. I wouldn't listen to Biggie because I was a Tupac fan. And I was like, loyalty. I'm loyal to the gang. You know what I mean? Like, that's how it would be. I'm just fucking sorry, man.

Hey, dude, I'm loyal to the game. Like, yeah, I might be 16 and I might live in a fucking nice house in La Cunada and my dad's a producer director. But, dude, I'm still loyal to the game. You know what I'm talking about? And so Biggie got killed. And then Diddy was on an award show.

And he was rapping the I'll Be Missing You about Biggie. Remember that song? I'll be missing you. Wow, that's actually so bad if I think about it and um and and uh Diddy was at odds with Tupac back then too but Puff Daddy said rest in peace to everybody and he was going through the people who died and he said Tupac Shukur rest in peace even and I started fucking bawling bro I'm not loyal to the game. So say what you want about Chris Lea. You can't say he's not loyal to the game. So I started crying and my brother said,

what? Why are you crying? It's just right before he got finished. I said, get the fuck out. And he got out, dude. I was so loyal to the game. My brother thought he was going to punk me because I was crying about some shit that did. Hedy was saying because he was talking about a song that was, you know, he loved his best friend who had beef with Tupac Shakur. But then at the end, he flipped the script and said, recipes Tupac Shakur. I go like this. Tears come streaming down. My brother thought I wasn't loyal to the game. He said, why the fuck are you doing that? I go like this. Get the fuck out of my bedroom. He got out of my bedroom and i remain lord of the game and i still kind of i didn't get to have that moment my brother kind of ruined it but i love my brother

even more than any of that so i'm loyal to the game in that respect so i i'm loyal to the game loyal to the game let's see here I love that fucking Wow this guy what is this oh this guy is on a wheel bike. Oh, falls for so long, dude. Falls for so long. That's pretty ill that he made all that, but he deserved that at the end. What's up? Just have a regular bike, you know? the greatest part about this no sound came from him fell with no sound when people fall with no sound and they don't die that is the most amazing shit ever um i don't know that's it i think right yeah uh subscribe like and subscribe uh on the channel We love you. And that's it for YouTube. If you want the rest of the episode, go to patreon.com, uh, slash Chris D'Elia on this episode, the Patreon.

We talked about the Grand Theft Auto and the new, uh, trailer, but, uh, yeah, go over there for just six bucks. And there's a lot of backlogged episodes. You can check them all out immediately once you get access to it. Appreciate you. Go get tickets to Oxnard. That's my next date and Phoenix in Sacramento and Brea, uh, California. Uh, and I appreciate you guys. Thank you. Go get tickets to Oxnard. That's my next date. And Phoenix and Sacramento and Brea, California. And I appreciate you

guys. Thank you very much. And also right now, stream my special Grow or Die at ChrisLee.com. Thank you. I'm gonna fuck your child, I'm gonna fuck your mother.