Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 355. Walk With the Metal

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

😮 Get 10-word ads at holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY NEW SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Tekashi's gonna be broke, Julia Roberts is a great dancer, and of course Mario Lopez voted for Trump. Plus some deserve it scale videos! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

runk Sacramento I'll be there January 13th added show we just added another show in Sacramento because the first one sold out then I'll be in California Phoenix Arizona El Paso Texas Albuquerque New Mexico Kelowna BC

and we just also added another show in Vancouver get your tickets chrislee.com the first one sold out and we just also added another show in Vancouver. Get your tickets, chrislea.com. The first one sold out. Check out Grow or Die, my new special, my fifth comedy special, chrislea.com. I'm very proud of it.

Would appreciate it if you go and check it out. Go get it at chrislea.com. And other than that, dude, let's get into the episode. This is Congratulations. My gosh, man. It was one of those days where... Let me tell you something, man. One of those days where i woke up uh i don't even

understand what that what happened honestly the day i don't really get how it got away from me it just kind of like i woke up at when did i wake up like this is the thing I don't even understand. We have kids. All right. The kids woke up. I genuinely have no memory of waking up this morning. That's how out of it I was. I must have got up with the kids. Kristen must have got up too.

No, I got up with Billy. Oh, that's what happened. I remember. Yay. I got up, got Billy out of the crib, put him in a little jumper. You know, one of those things where he's jumping, he's going crazy with these things now, you know, just like he's like jumping up and down, fell asleep on the couch. Billy didn't make a peep. You know, he was just playing in the jumper. Calvin was up playing with stuff. And then all of a sudden it was 1 30 i guess i fell asleep on the couch for

so long because kristen was up and dude i don't know what happened man and then i just went back into bed a little look i did shows this weekend in oxnard california and they were really fun i did a lot of new stuff i even did new stuff on the new stuff. Like I have a new hour that I'm doing and I didn't do some of it because I wanted to do other new stuff. Anyway, I am now I'm 43. I'm exhausted after I do my, my shows the next Sunday. I'm exhausted, dude. I woke up then at six and it's, and now it's eight. And I'm like, I went to go. I took Calvin to go get hot chocolate. I got regular coffee. And I'm like, so out of it, dude.

And I guess I'm like, okay, well, the day's over. So just go to bed after this. So I lost today? Or did I win? are those days awesome or do you because i don't feel you know i go to the the john lennon quote where it's like every day where you don't i don't know the quote really but it's something about how if you're have if you're if you're having a good time then it's not time wasted and and i guess i was having a bonkers good time sleeping and you know so i but i also feel guilty but then it's like okay i did

the shows what should i feel i feel like that i i i i i i don't know man um i do want to talk about this um the uh the the movie the the leave the world alone what is it called the Leave the World Alone. What is it called? The world, the one that you're typing right now? Leave the World Behind. Everyone's roasting Julie Roberts about her dancing in it.

Dude, I don't, here's the deal, okay? I was watching Leave the World Behind. First of all, I don't like the movie, okay? I said it. The acting is phenomenal. of all, I don't like the movie, okay? I said it. The acting is phenomenal.

I said it. Don't like the movie. And I'm not even a guy who doesn't like a movie because of how the ending is. But, dude, saw the movie. The ending was – I didn't like the movie. Everyone's talking about this movie. It's number one on Netflix, number two on Netflix. Julia Roberts,

she is so awesome at acting. She is the creme de la creme of actors, okay? There is a movie, there is a scene where she dances with a guy, Mahershala, what is it? Mahershala Ali. I mean, that's, you know, there's an extra Allah in there that I don't, you know. Mahershalala. Mahershala la la la la la la la la. Tis the... And dude, she's dancing, and she is so weirdly dancing,

and everyone's roasting her online for it. You put the video here? But let me tell you something about this. I didn't know that people were roasting her online for it you put the video here but let me tell you something about this i didn't know that people were roasting her and i saw the movie right when it came out so they probably weren't roasting her yet so i saw this movie okay we can't so first of all she's dancing to that fucking baby you're not drowning you get so excited oh how i like I like it. I try, but I can't fight it. Oh, you're dancing real slow. But I get you real low.

You're making it hard for me. Wow. I guess I know that whole song. I had no idea. Wow. Oh, baby, got the time to fight. Wait, how does it go? You're excited.

Oh, you're dancing real slow. And I get derailed. And making it hard for me. Baby, you're just like we're sexting. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, that song by Next, is it?

Why do I know it? Why do I know this, dude? I don't know, but that song gave me eargasms when I was younger. I never liked that song, honestly. But anyway, it's dope that they put that in this movie, in an end-of-the-world movie. You know what I'm saying? Like the producer or the director was like, yo, I know the perfect song. Ooh, we're dancing real slow.

And you're making it hard for me. That means penis, by the way. He's not talking about difficult. I mean, he is talking about difficult, but it's an innuendo. He, by the way. He's not talking about difficult. I mean, he is talking about difficult, but it's an innuendo. He's talking about hard. He's talking about his penis. You know, is that the one that feels a little poke coming through on you? So, frigging to the point.

So, anyway, I'm watching this movie and i and now julia roberts is dancing now look if you think of a great white actress dancing you probably think bad you know just like has so much money what is her life like she doesn't dance you know like you know how like gangsters don't dance they boogie how mac 10 said that and then it's like well dude nobody doesn't dance more they boogie. How Mack 10 said that. And then it's like, well, dude, nobody doesn't dance more than a gangster. Okay. But then it's like a really, really, really, really rich white woman. And I don't mean a housewife when the, when the, when the husband leaves and she's got the kitchen to herself in her two bedroom house. I'm talking about someone with houses that has people do shit for them day and night. They don't dance, dude. They get people to dance for them. They're

kings and queens. They're just, you know, they'll put on necks and they'll be like, I feel like dancing. I need someone to fulfill that. Dance for me. And then someone comes out, ooh, they're dancing real slow. you're making it hard for me and they don't move shit so julia roberts is an actress though and this scene calls upon her to dance so we get to see either how this character julia roberts is playing is dancing and how she decides this character is dancing or how the real julia robert dances we don't know we don't know so roasting her is pretty much silly because it's the character okay and there's this thing on tiktok where it's like and the acting award goes to

maher shalala for keeping a straight face while watching julia roberts trying to dance now we don't like that kind of roasting here on Congratulations because this is the character. Dude, if I'm in a movie and it calls for me to dance, unless I play a dancer, I'm doing it silly. Okay? Why? Because it adds to the movie. You see me dancing on TV?

I'm having a silly time. Now, if I'm in Magic Mike, and I gotta do, pan it, pan it, pan it, pan it, and I gotta be real sexy, I gotta take dance classes, okay, I gotta actually try, but this here, she's dancing a little poke coming through on you so she's doing it like the character either way i was watching this movie and i was in by the way the first half of this movie and the dancing happens in the first half of the movie or like maybe into the it's into the movie now ma, Mahershala Ali, Mahershala Ali, of course, is good at dancing.

He's better at dancing than he is at smiling. When Mahershala smiles, he knows that that gets the panties wet, and I just go, it gets the panties wet. It kind of even gets my panties wet. And I'm not in a gay way. I'm just like, I'll give it to him. I'll piss a little bit. But you know what? I'll let it out a little bit. When a guy's really good looking as a man, if you're really comfortable with your heterosexuality, you got to get wet too and piss a little bit. Just give it to him. You know what I'm talking about? Right? So Julia Roberts

starts dancing and dude, I'm, first of all, I'm in the, I'm in it. I'm in the movie. Okay, fine. That's cool. Julia Roberts starts dancing and she dances very weird. Actually, no, even worse than that she dances kind of weird and it's very subtle and kind of weird and i'm going to just go ahead and say she did it as a character because she is just top notch acting but when i saw her dancing in that here i'll play it a little bit i'm not going to do the music because we'll get demonetized but god she's a great actress dude i mean she's dancing like she's you know in like west side story the blind version but she's just got no and and and next to a black guy who's obviously good at dancing because he's black but man he she is just like god she's so good dude when i saw this scene, I was like, Julia Roberts.

I actually texted the group chat. When I saw this dancing, I texted my friends. I go, man, Julia Roberts is on another level of acting. And she really is, dude. I love Julia Roberts. And I always have. And she is doing it like Elaine from Seinfeld a little bit. But, you know, it's okay.

But that movie, boy, I wasn't in it, you know. But she was also like playing, you know, kind of like a Karen role. So that's how they dance. She killed it, dude. Hats off to Julie Roberts. I think she should win an Oscar just for that dancing. Best dance with Marsha La La La Ali. Yeah.

There's something I don't get about Marsha La La La Ali. I guess they're doing Blade, the movie with him. And because everything is so woke, his part is getting smaller and smaller. And they're just getting more and more like transgender and women people in it. That's what I heard. That's word on the streets, dude. But I vibing you know what i mean word on the street is i'm you know i'm just saying i'm trying to become a conspiracy theorist because i just think that those kinds of at least i would have shit to do all the time you know i'm saying like if you're gonna you're if you're a conspiracy theorist think about how never how you're never bored

ever ever ever ever bored you just go like this you start think about how never, how you're never bored. Ever, ever, ever, ever bored. You just go like this. You start to get bored, you know, like you get home and you're like, oh, my next thing isn't until 430. And then you go, man, but the government's corrupt. And why? Well, there was no plane that hit the Pentagon. I mean, show me the proof. And then you just start going into a rabbit hole. You don't even need the internet. You could just do it in your own head. If you've seen loose change, if you've seen zeitgeist you're good you know i'm saying like that's the kind of stuff that i'm trying to get to and i can't do it i can't i'm just too logical now i don't mean that the government isn't lying to us like my mom said to me today she was like you know because calvin

had a fever uh two three days ago but it was for like eight hours. It was like one of those kids fevers where they get a fever, but then they're like, psych. And he fell asleep and he was having fever dreams. And I heard him crying and I ran up and he was having a hard time. He was like standing up at bed. I didn't know if he was awake or not. And he kept going like this. He kept going, and I'm like, buddy, are you sleeping or not? And he kept going. And I was like, oh my gosh, days he kept going oh and i'm like buddy are you sleeping or not he kept going oh and i was like oh my gosh buddy are you okay and then he was trying to explain to me what happened anyway the dream was later on he explained it to me when he woke up he was like i had a dream that i was eating paint and became paint and i was like oh wow that's actually terrifying for a three and a half year old but so we were supposed to have family dinner today i obviously slept through today but

my mom and dad were texting Hey are you guys coming over Because we have family time Sundays And we were like you know Calvin's been sick Really sick And my mom said Oh if Calvin was sick did you guys get your flu shots And I just texted back

The government lies to us You know nice mother son kind of texting And my mom writes, let me look here. Did you get your flu shots? He's okay. I say, mom says, true. Did you get the flu shot? Did you all get a flu shot? I said, no, the government lies to us. So it should be okay. And my mom writes, yeah, it does, but it's good not to get the flu. And then my brother writes, the government, in quotes. Anyway, dude, I want to be that guy, you know?

And I'm not saying, because my point is, dude, I know the government lies to us, dude. I live that lifestyle. So don't come to me and like, oh, Chris D'Elia is acting like like it on the podcast and he's not really bad about it but dude he is he is he walks with the metal when he's fucking texting like he's real he's real you know i'm saying don't act like i don't walk with the metal i walk with the metal so it's like tread lightly when you're talking to me about conspiracy theory stuff. All right. And that's okay.

But I know about this stuff and I don't believe in all of that. I believe in very, very few conspiracy theories, but I'm working on it. I'm trying to get there. I would love to believe Joe Biden is a lizard or Donald Trump is a hologram. Are you kidding me, dude? I would love it. I'd never get bored. You can make up conspiracy theories. You can make them up. If you don't even, if they're not enough, make more up and have more people follow them. Fuck QAnon, Xeanon. I want to have a new one on. Anyway, LBGTQAnon, right? Have that.

lbgtq anon right have that well that'd be a great title if they didn't but that would for sure flag it i said flag it by the way um how about how about takashi69 actually his name is truly takashi6699 really is what his name is oh that's interesting because six six is already on the way to six and nine nine is already on the way you can use the last part of nine to trail into the next nine anyway i'm a linguist um um bro i don't here's the thing all right i don't know how much money takashi 69 has i i don't i don't i know how much money comedians make i you know i i'm assuming brands probably don't Takashi69 because of how he's a poison. But I guess two years ago, he was sued because he was swinging a bottle around.

Somebody called him a rat, which by the way, you are. You know what I'm saying? Like, how could you be mad it's like chris your shoulders going for days uh i'm not mad i know right chris you're size 13 can't imagine what you got in the downstairs area what am i gonna do get mad at that now i get it dude it's facts you know chris your hairline only went back a little bit and i'll probably stay there for the area. What am I going to do? Get mad at that? No, I get it, dude. It's facts. You know, Chris, your hairline only went back a little bit and it'll probably stay there for the rest of your life. You're all good. So don't worry about it, dude. I'm not going to get, I'm not going to die. I know that, you know, Hey Chris, it's a little, it's a little tough for you to lose the, the,

the, you know, the body fat in your, in the, behind your back above your ass, you know, technically love handles, dude, I'm not going to go swinging a bottle around, right? Yeah, but I start thinking about, focus on my chest then. Okay, well, I got my chest peeking out though, right? Maybe I've worked on my chest harder. The skin will gravitate towards my chest. It'll pull the skin back from the, you know what I mean? I don't know.

And that's a conspiracy theory that I'm thinking of that I could actually spend time on. But anyway, let's go back to that Tekashi6699 thing. You're a rat. All good. You do what rats do, right? Probably got a little cheese in your pocket. You go tell on people so you get a reduced, you know, he didn't go to jail. Surratt, all good.

So now you're at a strip club, which is, by the way, derelict city. You're not going to meet savory individuals there, right? I'm not saying there's not savory individuals there, but there are also non-savory individuals there, right? You ever been to the strip club in the daytime? are also non-savory individuals there, right? You ever been to the strip club in the daytime? I have. You know who's there? Alone guys. You know what they are? Probably not savory. You know how I know? I went alone once, okay? I wasn't in the strip club. Somebody calls him a rat and he starts swinging a bottle by the way. Don't swing the bottle because you go like this. Well, that's what I, you know what I mean? It's like cake doesn't get mad. It's cake swings. A bottle hits a stripper.

Hits a stripper. Big mistake, all right? Now, she won $9.825 million on. By the way, this is crazy that she won that much. You know, you should never be able to sue someone more money than they would have taken for sure if the thing happened beforehand. You know what I mean? Like, if beforehand you're asked hey would you take a bottle to the noggin for 9.8 million dollars and if somebody would go are you fucking kidding me yes that's too much you know i'm saying you she should have got like

a million because then or i don't know she probably would have taken fucking what 20 grand to take a bottle to the noggin but nine nine to eight, 10 million? That's crazy, dude, you know? Because then you get hit and then you got to be like, wait, that's to take care of my medical bills. But then also the trauma and it's like, all right, dude, you know, it sucks he hit you in the noggin. But how much would you get? You know what I mean? What would I get for somebody to smash me in the head with a bottle of Cristal?

Well, you know what, if it changed her life, if she can't walk right or something, or she's dumber, not that she's a fucking doctor or she's a dancer, but then, yeah, then you know what? She does deserve 10 million, so fuck it, actually.

But whatever. We don't know the ins and outs of it. She got her money. He didn't pay for two years, and now the judge is like, now the people, whoever, is like now they can the the people whoever the powers that be can come in take what they need to and sell it off to give to get the money so this guy's going to be out 10 million dollars um damn

they can break locks necessary to gain access to any real property wow that's crazy dude that's good look at the oh look at the gash actually that's rough man this god bless god bless look at this uh her attorney told us he tried hitting someone else for calling him a rat, but he missed and clocked Alexis instead. Is that her real name or a stripper name? So here it says, the injuries resulted in a trip to the ER

and she got several staples to close the wound. Well, if that's it, I mean, that's bad. Oh, there's actually footage of the fight? Well, let's get involved. Let's get into it. It's a different thing? It's not it? Oh.

Oh, she was arrested. His girlfriend? On a felony charge? Assaulting him? Oh, man. These people are good people. What's she hitting him with? What is that? Is that a fucking wacky way to...

That's not a 2x4, dude. Bro, this is crazy. Oh, I like how he stepped into it. Look at his cars, you know? His green-ass car with the pink. Wow, she got arrested? Wild. Anyway, they recalled 2 million Teslas.

So what is it like to be Elon Musk, dude? I mean, how many Teslas are there, by the way, in the world? And this guy had to recall 2 million oh i would i tell you what if i was a a car guy not a car guy uh uh an owner of a car i know he does more than that but dude i say i'm say you're the head of uh mitsubishi or uh mercedes whatever the hell right alpha romeo you go they go hey i, I'm Mr. Romeo. Okay. That's me. Hello. Hello. President Romeo. Yeah. That's me. President of Alfa Romeo. Hey, so we have to recall 2 million, um, of cars. Oh yeah. Uh, I give up. Dude, I, I, I, I'm done. I lost. Like I, that's it. That's it. I take the money I got from being Mr. Romeo, and then I go from being the alpha Romeo, and then I fucking leave, dude. I'm done.

Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know how you... It was like the guy from the Alaska Airlines. Was it Alaska Airlines where the plane crashed and he resigned he's like I'm the president of Alaska Airlines I I go I okay it crashed I'm done I failed I'm gone dude I leave that's it that's it if I'm doing stand-up and all of a sudden you know people are just zero laughing and then start shooting each other oh I I'm oh that's it that was my last show that's it yo hey everyone that was my last show thanks thanks everyone sorry you didn't enjoy it and sorry you started murdering each other but i you know go see tom segura he's here next month i i don't understand elon musk i'm dude you recall two million teslas i'm done bro also the kill switch in the car that they're going to implement in 2026.

Yo, they're going to fuck. Oh, man. You know, they're just going to abuse that. Hey, dude, I'm a conspiracy theorist. That's one. I got it. I'm never bored. Never bored.

Are you kidding me? There's Doritos liquor? Why is everybody getting into the hard liquor game? What the fuck? Hey, Doritos. You're disgusting. Doritos. You're fucking absolutely disgusting, dude.

The last time I ate Doritos was, oh my God, decades ago. Hey, Doritos, to release nacho cheese flavored alcoholic drink that tastes like crisps. Hey, disgusting. Hey, you'll lose. Resign. Oh my God, it's called empirical that's the company they're using okay look at it's got a it's got a in the ad it's got a a drink on the rocks with a dorito chip over it like it's a lime like on the thing it's disgusting dude doritos are you ever eat a Dorito and you're just like do you ever eat a Dorito and not

think oh this is killing me right now? I don't. I don't eat Doritos but and that's not to say I don't I did eat a brownie last night and ice cream and fries and maybe that's why my love handles aren't going away but No I ate those a few nights ago sweetie you're not

part of this when i have you on as a guest be a guest but don't be chiming in saying i ate six reese's peanut butter cups when that was three nights before this not last night she says and the reese's she made them dude so she made reese's peanut butter cups which is they were really good she dude she put dark chocolate on them which i was like and nah but then i ate another one and i was like yeah actually okay dude milk chocolate fucks dark chocolate in the asshole milk when someone looks at me and they say i like dark chocolate better i go okay communist milk chocolate is the shit and that's it it was milk chocolate tastes like dark chocolate that's why it was good the second time anyway dude doritos liquor why is everybody gonna have

a liquor thing why does why like i'm just gonna throw names out there i guarantee they have liquor companies mario lopez there's fucking no way in hell that he doesn't have a liquor company or, you know what I mean? There's fucking no way in hell. I bet Gary Oldman, I bet he has a fucking liquor and it's sold in like France and, and, and, you know, Mario Lopez and Oscar de la Hoya have a tequila together. There you go. There you go. I knew, I knew without knowing because obviously they do why does how much fucking drinking needs to happen i don't even mean drinking alcohol how many things do people need to drink i'm fucking satiated dude i drink water and coffee that's all i drink i love how mario lopez came out with trump and they were trying to drag him

mario lopez came out with Trump on the UFC with Trump and, uh, uh, what do you call it? Um, uh, uh, Dana White.

And it's like, Oh, people trying to drag Mario Lopez. Fuck that. I love Mario Lopez, dude. How about this, man?

Of course, Mario Lopez voted for Trump. He's Mario Lopez. If you got money, you vote for Trump. He's Mario Lopez. If you got money, you vote for Trump. If you got money, you're voting for Trump. Period.

Unless, you know, you feel really guilty for some reason, right? Like a lot of white women are like, well, we still got to do the right thing. That's what they think

the right thing is. I just want Darth Vader to be president how about the movie that came out Maestro Maestro with Bradley Bradley Cooper and he has a big jewish nose on it and

that's um bro look at this bradley cooper caught some flack for revealing that he doesn't allow chairs on his movie sets but it turns out he ain't alone whether it's rules for sitting or other bands you might have heard about this did an interview with somebody did an interview with spike lee uh not a big chair guy um who else oh dude okay so this is, come to find out, he's far from the only filmmaker who enforces stringent guidelines on set, and even for the chair issue,

he's in good company with Christopher Nolan and Zack Snyder. That's not true. I worked with Zack Snyder. He had chairs. I sat down. Wrong. There you go.

Whistleblower. Hell yeah, I'm a whistleblower, dude. I'm a chair whistleblower. I'm a director's, I'm a chair onower, dude. I'm a chair whistleblower. I'm a director's, I'm a chair on set whistleblower. That's awesome. Look at this. Anne Hathaway and RDJ,

Robert Downey Jr. and Clemo, Chris Nolan doesn't do chairs and Snyder himself says there are no chairs allowed on his sets. Hey, whistleblower. Yes, he does. I sat on his set a lot. I was in the movie until I got cut out.

And dude, I sat. A lot, actually. A lot of downtime. And it was 150 degrees in Albuquerque. I'll be in Albuquerque soon. Come see me, chrisley.com. By the way, whistleblower I love. That's just snitch ass bitch.

Why do people call it whistleblower? Like it's some noble thing. Dude, you snitched. What is this? Not safe for our content. Let's absolutely click it. Oh, boy. Let me just tell you something right now.

Anybody with that voice, you know what I mean? Where it's like the voice forgot to wake up for the day. That's a dude that is not to be trifled with. You know what I'm saying? Nobody with that voice is timid. No way. Nobody with that voice is fucking timid.

Come on, dude. I already accepted that it's okay to watch this. Here we go. Bring the camera. Bring the camera. Like, he's so confident. Bring the camera. Bring the camera. Bring the cameras. Like he's so confident. Oh, bring the camera.

Bring the camera. All the young girls who want to make life with pussy. Your pussy will perish with you in hell. Oh my God. Doing. May your pussy perish with you. May your smooth pussy. Oh,

likes it though. You know what I mean? In your pussy and tight you. May your smooth pussy. Uh-oh, likes it though. You know what I mean? In your pussy and tight pussy. Perish! Oh my God. Why is he describing it like he likes it? Pussy. In your pussy and tight pussy.

Perish! Dude, the worst WWF speech promo that he cut. Dude, when he goes, your will perish. Dude, that was awesome. This guy is my favorite WWE guy.

Oh, dude, somebody, yeah, where are the rappers, dude? Let's go. Let's get this sampled. Oh, dude, I love how he takes the... I need the camera. Bring the camera here. Dude, this guy controls... Wow. He controls. That's amazing.

Alright. I went potty. Here we go. I actually had a thing i wanted to talk about you know the year's coming to an end and it's gonna be christmas i put together five shows that i thought were gangster all right i wrote it down Where the hell are they? Here we go. These are the shows when it comes to watchability, dude. The five shows I liked in 2023. When it comes to watchability. Now, look, you know me, dude. I won't sit there and watch certain types of shows.

So comedy is out the window. You know I'm not going to sit and watch. The comedy is out the window. You know, I'm not going to sit and watch, you know, I don't know how the latest episode of, uh, I don't even know what a comedy, what show, what a comedy show is. Uh, what's the one with the modern family? I don't know. Is that on even still? No clue.

Okay. Well, I don't know what these shows are like. So I take those out of the list. All right. Uh, I like thrillersers i like mind benders i like you know sultry sexual shows i like shows where action shows i got the five shows that i think you should watch when it comes to watchability, not necessarily fantastic art. Okay? These are the shows.

Number one, The Watcher. That show was good. It was goofy, but good. Watchability. Who'd done it the whole time, didn't understand, couldn't figure it out, wanted to know what was happening. Couldn't. Thank you for that show. Number two, silo.

What the, these are no particular order. Ah, that chick is a great actress. And also what they're going up and down and shit in that thing. Why is the silo out there, dude? And now what? At the end, there's more silos. They're not the only one. Oh, what the fuck?

That's a little bit of a spoiler alert, but not really, dude. Um, but it's like, you know, they're all in only one oh what the fuck that's a little bit of a spoiler alert but not really dude um but it's like so you know they're all in this like compound like everything is brown in it there's no color on the show um and what's going on dude there you watch that show you're like yeah what's going on there you go that's the number one thing about shows that i need to i need to watch i if i watch it and i'm going, what's going on here? That's it, dude. Okay? Another show I loved watching hijack. An action.

How are they going to get off this plane? What the fuck? How's he going to do this? Right? I'm in. In a confined space? What the fuck? All right, I'll watch it. Okay? Every show can't be Severance, I'll watch it, Severance was fantastic, but that was 2022,

another show, that was Apple TV, that was Idris Elba, Idris Elba is the shit, of course, we all know that, Mahershala Ali is fucking gunning for Idris Elba. Right? The next one that I liked watching, Gen V. So silly, so good with the superhero thing, a take on superhero thing. Absolutely loved watching it. Fuck, Patrick Schwarzenegger's a good actor. Who knew? The son of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Patrick Schwarzenegger, better actor than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not that Arnold Schwarzenegger deserves an Oscar for anything, but killing it. And it was funny too, Gen V. That was the offshoot of The Boys. The Boys is a good show. Great show.

Gen V, great show. Number five, this show called Obsession. Okay, okay. Dude, so sexual, this show. What was going on? So wild. A lot of sultry stuff going on. Good acting.

Bro, I'm a fucking TV reviewer. These are the five watchable shows. Watched them straight through. Loved them. Now, other shows I watched straight through, didn't like them. I'll watch a whole show and not like it. The Tudors. Six seasons.

Zipped right through it this year. Didn't necessarily like it. Okay? Watch the whole thing. The Consultant with that dude that's the actor. Such a great actor. Show was not good. Watched the whole thing.

That Apple TV show with Jennifer Garner. The last thing he told me. Bad show. Watched the whole thing. Monarch. Watching it on episode five. Got bad. Gonna watch the whole thing.

Committing. It's fine. Love that Ders got his, Anders Holm got his shit. That that's awesome he's good in it there's some fine stuff in it shows not for me dude and i love monsters you can't wait to see godzilla minus one dude can't wait to see godzilla minus one that's a movie though it is christmas so let's go through with this this is jonathan i'm delivering your order from brand's pizza palace i just got caught by a roadblock or something there's just a bunch of

cars on the road they're shooting all right this is a light show that this guy put up for christmas of like a green cartoon type thing and he synced it with this audio right so this is what the christmas light display is saying let me get down underneath my seat and get my gun you pulled up on the wrong got an automatic down here Is this South Park? This can't be a real actual call, but is this guy's Christmas decoration?

Okay. He's like a Will Ferrell thing. This is like a Jerky Boys album thing. That's hilarious that that's the fucking Christmas decor. Why can't Kristen decorate stuff like that, dude? I mean, so annoying for the neighbors. Just constantly just have PTSD. What is this?

Is that? What is that? I'm trying to look in the comments. Well, whatever. what is that? I'm trying to look in the comments. Well, whatever. That's probably illegal, right? There's no way they can have that going. There's no way they can have that going in the neighborhood.

Wow, that's amazing that they did that good job. Let's look at some of the deserved scales. These I love. These I love. These I love. All right, here we go. Running through. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, he died, right?

I mean, that's... Yo, how about weird big rooms like this with nothing in it and this guy just ran head-on into something you thought was open that is so obviously not open and this guy's so drunk though swinging his towel around this looks like a rehab center oh my god dude he died he's out dude that that hurt too much for it to be a 10 that can't be a deserve it scale 10 that is so bad oh my god the outfit all gray takes issue that is rough bro that is a six that's too too much pain for a Deservet. Okay.

Let's see this other one. This is from Girls Got a Gram. She's trying to crawl up on the beam. Let me guess. She falls. She Deservet. Well. That's her L1 is gone, dude.

Just, how did she fall that bad? Oh, you found some violent ones, dude. This is just, that's a four. If that's your mom, you go, mom's dead. Yeah, she did do it to herself. Yeah. Yeah, she did do it to herself. That. Yeah, she did do it to herself. That is more of a deserve it than the last one is what you're saying because the guy just made a mistake.

This one did it for herself. She definitely did it to herself. But this probably isn't as hurtful as the one that the guy did too unless it looked like her neck could have snapped in which case. She doesn't deserve that, but the deserve it scale. I'd say this is a six. The last one is a four. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye a four. Aye, aye, aye.

Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. All right. Let's see what this one is. This girl's got a gram. One is good. The coffee ruined my day, she says. Now that is a 10.

That is such a quick 10, dude. This coffee ruined my day. Coffee went out with one. She threw, dude. She threw a coffee out of the window. She was going to litter. And the window was closed. And it went all over her car.

And that, my friends, is a 10. Deserve it, scale. You are going to litter. You know what? If I did that, which I would throw, I would probably litter or something like that if I was in the right mood. And if that happened to me, I'd go like this. Yeah. You know what?

Charge it to the game. 100% charge it to the game. Thanks, Jesus Christ. Now I believe in you because I got what I deserved immediately. That is a 10. A 10. I would go like that. I would go like this.

You know what? I don't want this coffee. I'm going to throw it out. Boom. I go, that's a 10. 10 on the deserved scale. I wish it was filmed on my podcast. That is a 10. A 10. I would go like that. I would go like this. You know what? I don't want this coffee. I'm going to throw it out. Boom. I go, that's a 10. 10 on the deserved scale. I wish it was filmed on my podcast. That is great.

Let's see another deserved scale here. Oh, this girl is just trying to do cross sit. Bro. She's just trying to do crossfit man she's trying to do do better and get a good get her you know her tendons all strong oh fuck she was trying to do one of those pull-ups that were like why do they do those those jerky ones i don't know crossfit is so violent bro the cameraman just couldn't help himself I don't know. CrossFit is so violent, bro. The cameraman. Just couldn't help himself.

I hope she's okay. I guess I would say... Someone said, so, zero? She did zero. That's the pull-ups she's trying to do. What are they called again? I don't know. The swinging pull-ups.

Bro, that's a four. You know what? Just do regular pull-ups. I would say that's a six because just do regular pull-ups, and you won't smash your back like that, okay? Wow, dude. Let's do one more. Oh, I can already tell him I love this one.

Dude, this is the absolute, oh, you know what? How I've never seen more of, from the first clip, from the first frame here, the makings of a 10 Deserve It scale. The guy is on a single trampoline, one of those little indoor trampolines, and he's in front of – he's on his TV room, right? Bouncing. He's overweight, okay? That's high on already the deserved scale.

He's got big basketball shorts on, high on the deserved scale. You know what I mean? And then a fucking oversized tank top, and he's over 50, and he has a dragon tattoo on his shoulder. So this guy is absolutely asking for it. So let's see what's up. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And he's acting silly on it. He's not actually doing it. If this isn't a 10, then this guy has to die for it to not be a 10.

He deserves so much. Oh, dude, I paused it so funny. He's falling already. Okay, here we go. Oh. That's a 10. That is an absolute 10 the thump and oh it's so good look at him what a piece of shit doing like that like he's too good for it oh the dragon tattoo dude the fucking dragon tattoo dunce with a dragon tattoo oh that's a good one like what is he doing dude who is he towley that groan is top notch dude

oh fuck That groan is top notch, dude. Oh, fuck. This is funny. This is so good. This is a 10. I got to send it to all my friends. This is just fantastic. This is fantastic. Sending it to some friends right now.

Disrespectful. Don't give a shit. Sending to some friends right now. Disrespectful. Don't give a shit. There we go oh yeah and he wasn't even that hurt all good man 100 of 10 on the deserved scale love it jesus let's look at some tinders here we haven't seen some tinders okay thanks but i'm not just wait hold on what is this thanks but i'm not just got some drama

with my stepbrother that started friday and it has me feeling stuck on what to do and like i want to talk to my mom about it but i'm nervous and embarrassed so there's no other person well that's so fun family drama always sucks if you'd like any advice from a guy who you just met on a dating app with no judgments, feel free. Haha, no guarantees what I'll say will be helpful, though. So then the person says, well, it's a little personal, but it's because Friday night I had plans with my stepbrother as we were meeting for a modeling interview. And the thing is that during the interview we had sex. Well, like it's been bothering me lately

oh my is that it is there is oh my god dude yeah that that'd bother me lately although it's not blood right so that can't be real though that that that can't be real you know what he's trying to do scam there you go figured it out i know stuff dude look at this here we go here's another one uh totally what about you you can't be just a boring traitor this chicken or bra is saying on tinder part of me likes partying live live music, stand-up comedy. Another part just wants to read a book on a rainy day and falsely watch no movies.

Wow, I hate this guy. Who says shit like that? Like it's 2001. Oh my God, this person says, liking stand-up comedy is a pretty big red flag. Are you aware of that? Oh my God. This guy says, first I hear that.

How is that a red flag she says stand-up comedy is 90 racist and sexist jokes oh my god i agree i agree dude that's what a fan that this dude that's the best thing about tinder and shit and this online stuff you weed it out before you even meet up i mean do remember when you had to go on dates with people and you'd find out that like you know one time i was on a date with it with someone and she was like yeah i had really bad postpartum i tried to kill my son and i was like check please and i don't even by the way postpartum is real my My mom had that shit. But, like, dude, hey, if you want the choice for a killer to be in your life or not, I choose no. Went out with her a second time, honestly.

I did. Smashed it. It was fun, dude. But it was like, dude, I didn't take her to dinner again. Wow. So many problems in the world, huh, I keep trying to do fucking meetings,

and shit on zoom, I do meetings on zoom, I did one yesterday, I did one the day before, to do my recovery work, and it's just like man, I did 14 in a row, in a day,

and then I didn't on the 15th day, I felt like shit dude, I want to do 90 days, you're supposed to do 90 in 90 days, I't gotten to 90 yet i keep trying and that's what we do dude i'll tell you what man today you know what today is a wash i woke up at 6 p.m like i'm in high school and it was homecoming last night Like dude You know I have kids But I had a good show I had good shows man I sure did fucking

I sure did fucking I think that's it for the episode You know what you guys I had a great time Thanks for chilling with me Merry Christmas I'll see you next week I think we're going to do a Christmas episode

There's a chance we may just skip the week But may not. I don't know. We'll see. Appreciate you. And I will be in Albuquerque and El Paso and Phoenix and Brea. Go get tickets at chrisley.com. And then also go watch my special Grow or Die at chrisley.com.

Appreciate you. That's it for the YouTube episode. If you want to see the rest of the episode, the raw, the uncut, the episode where you get to see everything and no ads, go to patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. And you can see all the other episodes. Actually, the last episode of

the Patreon episode. Probably the best Patreon episode we ever did. So there you go. Go sign up. It's a great gift, too. You can give it to someone for Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.