Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 376. The Breakthrough

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

😮 Get a shoutout on this show at holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris has a breakthrough 375 episodes in the making. Plus OJ's death, Barry Bonds, UFC knockouts and eating your 1 year old's birthday cake before they've ever seen it Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

runk all right wait let me just announce before we even get into it is australia we've got tickets australia go to chrislea.com they are live they're selling out uh i will be there in july so do that and without uh hesitation after that i mean i, I hesitated in saying the intro because I definitely said the thing about Australia. But without hesitation after that, this is the new episode of Congratulations. That's it. That's it. Also, episode 376. The 375 was a Patreon episode,

and it was the first time we ever had Brian Callen on this podcast. Congratulations. So go on over to the Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia, and get that one. It's just us doing our thing, which people seem to like. He's so fun to be doing that shit with, it's just so crazy how long we've been doing that, and he is awesome, my goal is to, I want to get, it sounds a little kind of shitty, but I want to get him big enough

to where we can tour together, and I don't have to carry the weight, anyway, you know You know what I mean. No, he's great. I watched... I actually was with him and Brendan and Jason, Mayhem Miller, who was with... We were watching the fight. Dude, that fight, the Holloway fight,

Holloway and Gaethje, I, that fight, that fight, the Holloway fight, Holloway and Gaethje, right, was the craziest thing. I mean, it was like, you know, I used to have this card. I used to have this, I used to have the Batman cards, the trading cards, the Batman cards, the Michael Keaton Batman. They had cards for them. And one of them was a close-up of Batman, Michael Keaton, with a bloody face. And he said, bruised but not beaten. And the title was bruised but not beaten. Each card had like a saying under it.

And it said bruised but not beaten. And I kept thinking about that with Gaethje. Like he kept getting kicked and punched and knocked around. And I kept thinking bruised but not beaten. And then with two seconds left, beaten. But that's crazy to to for Holloway to be like here over here in the middle come on let's do this and then we was already winning and then smashed him in the face fell down lights out that was crazy that's like

on some my producer was saying earlier he was like that's like calling your shot in baseball it is dude that's like some uh Babe Ruth shit one time I was watching uh i was at the dodgers game and they were playing san francisco 49ers no fucking services are giants i i definitely know that the giants are baseball um and 49ers are football but that was probably the last one i said so it was still locked in my memory um so they were playing san francisco giants and barry bonds it was like his year after he got 4 000 home runs in one year you know and he comes onto the on deck circle and he's next and i say and and i was close to the on deck circle like i had good seats and he was doing his thing by the way the, the on-deck circle is bullshit.

You don't need that. That's weird. That's some weird old-timey thing that like, wait in the batter's box and when it's your turn, run up to the plate. Why is there a place to wait to go to? It's like the waiting room in a doctor's office only it's for at-bats.

So don't have that number one baseball number two barry bonds was there and and uh and he was doing his thing with the you know the donut on the on the on the bat so it would be heavier so that when you get up the bat seems lighter which is like the whole thing is kind of stupid, honestly. On deck circle, I'm realizing how much I don't like the on deck circle. And Barry Bonds is taking his cuts, and I say, hey, Barry. And I remember, and I've never said this, I've never said this before, and since I said Barry you go you're gonna go yard and I don't know if you know the slang but what that means is um are you gonna hit it a home run right going yard as a uh when you're at bat means you you hit a home run i said are you gonna go yard and he's doing his at-bat cuts looks back at me and just goes like this like cool as shit with his big ass and legs you know just crazy baseball player big ass and legs, you know? Just crazy baseball player, big ass and legs.

Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds, they shouldn't have necessarily even had the home run race. They should have had the big ass and legs race because their fucking trunks were awesome, dude. They were so awesome. I want trunks like that, dude. I just want pistons like that. And no matter how many single leg,

you know, rear foot elevated split squats I do, I'll never have Mark McGuire ass. There's a quote for you. But, so I said, you're going to go yard? And he looks back at me barely by the way and makes eye contact with me and just goes like yeah i'm gonna hit a home run gets at bat and he hits a home run it was the coolest thing i've ever seen uh definitely when it comes to baseball and live and that was what the max halloway thing reminded me of it because it was like calling

your shot dude that was crazy also like i try to tell that barry bond story as much as possible because he deserves credit for that like nobody saw that this was before social media like that sucks that nobody knows about that whatever he was on steroids so it's all good but oh by the way do steroids uh players it will be way more fun to watch and and i get it it's still hard work you still got to practice all the time but also do steroids because here's the thing they all do them anyway so i don't like the fact that mark mcguire got nicked and barry bonds got nicked they were all doing them are you kidding me they all were doing them and they are doing them abu pujos did them oh wow we're gonna do another one we're gonna do another 90s baseball thing no but did him andres carla rocket did him he didn't look big but uh i'm just saying they they were

all doing them so for somebody to get nicked like that is bullshit doesn't matter they have millions of dollars it's all good and they're in the hall of fame right i don't know did they get taken out of the hall of fame i don't know that i don't know i know pete rose did because of gambling which is i guess not you can't you do sports, but I don't know. I kind of think. I think not only should they add steroids, but they should add, like, Komodo Dragons and, like, just straight-up elephants in the field. That would be a—man, I know there would be a lot of activists up in arms,

but could you imagine the game if they just added Komodo Dragons and one elephant in the field at all times? Long fly ball deep to center. Oh, shit. The Komodo dragon just ate. All right. The Komodo dragons on his. All right.

So it's off. It's off his leg. Okay. He's got to go to the hospital because if the bites, if the bite goes untreated, they don't have poison in them, but it will get decrepit and it will start decaying. And they will at least have to amputate the leg or there could be death. So let's wish him well. Anyway, swing and a miss.

Elephants are crazy dangerous Because they're so big dude I bet if they were small They wouldn't be that You know that's the thing That you get trampled on Or just sit down Behind

You ever see that I have this weird nightmare Not nightmare Daymare Really Sometimes I think about an elephant And it's like What if you were behind an elephant

And they just sat down And you went In their anus That would be absolutely That's probably like on some movie Anyway Shout out to elephants What is the

Is this the It's cool how much No matter what I can't get this up. It's been in my chest. Yes, probably going to get bronchitis. Hey, yes, dude. OJ died, which I know we touched on it on the Patreon episode, patreon.com slash Chris Lea when I was talking with Brian, but not a lot.

We didn't talk about a lot, but I always wondered what it, this is a weird thing to say, but I always kind of wondered what it would be like when OJ died. And I don't even necessarily know what I mean by that. Right. I don't really know what I mean by that is he got off of the what do you call it uh he beat the case because they straight up everyone knew he did it right like black people are like yeah let him free let him free don't you know we don't have him go to jail. He's innocent, but they knew, you know? There it is. They're like, they knew. They go, yeah, did he do it?

No way. Free him. Free OJ. And then they were like, but seriously, do you think he did it? And they're like, oh, yeah, no, he did it, you know? But because Rodney King and also a little bit for reparations, because, man, there'd be so many people, they're constantly, no, they're really beating the shit out of black people, so, like, okay, so, it's, like, this is our chance to be, like, nah, fuck the man,

and I get that, all right, still, people were murdered, should have went to jail, and I don't know, you know, by the way, I don't know, I didn't watch the whole trial. I watched a lot of it because that was like one of the last cases where you could have cameras in the courtroom. So I did watch a lot of it. However, was 12. So I don't really know, you know. Like I'm literally looking at Johnny Carpenter and I'm like, I mean, the glove doesn't really fit that well. But also was 12. Okay.

And could you finagle the hand in there? Probably. And could you, you know, could you make it fit? Did the, did the blood that dried on the glove make the glove smaller? Eh, probably, but also didn't know was 12. So I just go, okay, I don't know. And I don't know. I still don't know. I'm a 44-year-old man. I don't know. And, you know, there's been this kind of like understanding that OJ did it, but he got off and beat the case because of other things, right? And back then, it was this big thing in this in in america and it was all anybody talked about but also was 12 would have liked to been 40 when it happens happened because

i would have liked to understand it better while it was happening do you ever have that go on like you're like oh man that happened when i was like, you know, when I was, you know, whatever it was, 11. But I wish that I was 40 and I experienced that so I could really take it in, right? You know? Like the first, you know, the first time I get a handjob or something. But I guess, you know, it's like, it's pretty bonkers when you're young, when you get your first H.J., right? Pretty bonkers.

What? Dude, I remember thinking, no. Are you serious? I remember that's what all the guys, when they first H.J. And I'm talking H.J. I don't even mean B.J. You know, I remember who it was. I remember what couch I was on, whose house I was at. And I, and I go, Oh no. Huh? It's you know what it was like?

It was like, it was like, it was like when you're in the middle of a dateline and you're just watching and you just go, huh, you know what it was like? It was the same thing that goes through your head when, it's almost the same type of thing when the dateline episode is, it's wrapping up too quickly and there's an hour hour it's an hour dateline but but 15 minutes in they're like trying to say it's this guy and you're like wait a minute there's still 40 minutes left maybe it's not him like it's that's the huh oh are you serious that's a if someone says, well, it's only been 15 minutes,

there's 45 minutes left. Oh, are you serious? That was the first, that's the first feeling of the first H-J you get. What was I talking about, O-J? O-J and H-J. But, so I always wanted to know

what it was going to be like as an adult when he died because now there's still this understanding that he did it also now even black people are like we know he did it but we did it because we we were all cheering that he was innocent because of other stuff and now it's okay to say it you know so everyone thinks he did it right which by the way i don't know he was acquitted and the glove looked a little tight but uh he he uh he died and i wanted to know what it would be like when he died on social media. And I wanted to know what the world and how they would react.

Because that was a big thing when I was 12. And it's weird to live in a world with no OJ. It is weird, right? Just straight up naked gun movies alone. And I know he was great at football. I didn't give a fuck about football. But I didn't really go on social media when he died. I just heard he died and I just let it go.

And I was just like, wow. And I saw some jokes online. You know, people racing on Twitter to do, you know, or Instagram or whatever to get the best joke out there the quickest. It's just so stupid when comedians do that shit. And some are funny and, you and you know some and it's weird the whole thing just makes me so sad that i just but he had he had cancer i guess huh of course he did right how do you not have cancer if you by the way if you kill some what is it like half of people get cancer or something if you kill somebody and whether or not you kill somebody, if everybody thinks you killed somebody for 30 years, you get cans because of the stress, right?

You don't not get cans. You might off yourself, right? You might, as they say, unaliveive yourself and you have to say that now so the censors don't get you saying it means the same thing very very very very stupid very silly you have to say that but you know what i mean wink anyway there's no oj dude and that's crazy i haven't felt this weird since paul walk, and that's a whole different reason. I didn't expect there to be... I don't know. It just keeps going, though.

Like, my son is four. He doesn't know who OJ is. That's crazy when I think about it. He doesn't know. And by the way, I barely knew who he was. I only knew who he was because of Naked Gun. I was too young to... And not into football,

but I was too young for the football thing. But it's weird to think that my son is going to be like, who's Brad Pitt? You know? He's going to be like, who's Ryan Gosling? He's going to be like, you know? There's people that aren't even famous yet. He's going to be like, who's that? So.

Anyway. Hi, Black, I'm OJ, remember that song, I ain't black, I'm OJ, Jay-Z did it, it was so, the song was okay, and I didn't like, when Neil Brennan came up to me once and said, Like when Neil Brennan came up to me once and said, the new Jay-Z album is so good. I heard an advanced copy of it, and it's so good. And he goes, it starts off like this. I ain't black, I'm OJ. And it's just, you know what?

Just listen to it, he said. I said, okay, and I did, and it was fine. I didn't think it was all that. But, you know, shout out to Jay-Z. Yeah. Remember this shit? We've talked about this on a pod, I know, shout out to Jay-Z. Yeah. Remember this shit? We've talked about this on a pod, I think, before. But, see, OJ had to be trolling.

At a certain point, he just had to be trolling. Just did you do it? No, I didn't. Nope. Didn't I do it? After we finished filming, OJ said to me that he had a surprise for me and i genuinely was surprised i think it was his idea of a joke and this is it that's so out there mean, that is so that is so bonkers. You know, that's a bonkers thing to do.

But I would have been way crazier. I don't understand how he's not that crazy. That's crazy. That's wild, dude. People still believe him? I guess people do still believe him. Look at this reaction to the... The reaction to the verdict.

What a weird time in America, huh? It's still the same. Yeah, nothing changed. Anyway. No, no, no, but it was weird, but nothing changed. Dude, do you ever watch old... All right, ladies and gentlemen.

Do you ever watch old TV clips and you were just like, how did I see that? The images are so blurry and bad. Do you know what I'm saying? Dude, they're so bad. You watch, I swear to God, if you watch something from 1994, just with Jeff Daniels in it, watch it now. No, movies aren't really good.

TV, old TV, the way they broadcast it. Dude, everyone looks like a fucking apparition or a coffee stain. I can't believe how blurry everything is. It's unbelievable. And we used to just sit and watch that and be like, dude, you got to see Hunter. You ever see Hunter? That character? The answer is no. He's just an apparition.

He's a legit. The gun is like it looks like a Pez dispenser. You can't see shit. The jury, I'm going to ask that you carefully listen to the verdicts as they are being read. Oh, dude, this part will just be shitting yourself so much, you know? Oh, this is real? They watched it in Times Square? Wow, dude.

They watch it in Times Square? The whole country. They'd just be on their phones watching that. Let's go to it. Here we go. Oh, shit. Oh, man. Black will go crazy right now. Oh shit.

Wow. It's so weird how this meant something different to them. Now where the whites at? Where my whites at, Brian? Oh, wow. She's pissed. Oh, wow. Whoa, dude.

This is crazy. I've never seen this before. I mean, dude, there's black people and white people together and black people are thrilled and white people are like Do this is I Think I see Unbelievable dude unbelievable dude unbelievable dude unbelievable wow he said not shown in this video um but the craziest thing i have seen from the verdict was robert kardashian's reaction he was one of his defense attorneys on the trial his face drops

to the floor when the verdict is read he is in disbelief that oj was found not guilty oh come on you can't really tell the way people react to stuff i don't know well that's wild shout out shout out to the trial and all everyone in the everyone that got cancer that had to do with it all right and then i'm from the oj shit i mean he died and it's all you know it's it is what it is but um um oh wait did you just send me the zookeeper thing the zookeeper does get stuck in just his head. Now, the whole body would, you'd die. If you got sat on by an elephant,

you would, and your head just went in, you'd try to pull your head out. If my whole body was in, I'd try to get out through the mouth. Oh, dude, it's like when you go through hell, just keep going, like that's what it is. Taking care of elephants can be dangerous. That's Stacy Keach, if I ever heard of him.

There are many ways to get injured by an elephant, getting stepped on or crushed. Sometimes they can swat at you with their trunks. But there's certain precautions we take as professionals. But not everyone is a professional. Stacy Keach, dude. At a zoo in Mexico, a daydreaming worker sweeps out the elephant pen. By the way, a zoo in Mexico, a daydreaming worker sweeps out the elephant pen. A zoo in Mexico is crazy. You know what I mean?

Like, imagine a zoo in Mexico. You know what it is? It's kind of just Mexico. But not everyone is a professional. You know what I'm saying? I know that sounds racist, but it's not, dude. It's not. It's not racist.

There's nice parts of Mexico, but Tijuana, dude? Never been. At a zoo in Mexico, a daydreaming worker sweeps out the elephant pen look at this he ignores the first rule what's the first one elephant care watch your back you know what dude it's not even watch your back it's always know where the elephant's anus is that's the rule and that's what my father always taught me and and we'd never even seen an elephant. Or at least watch the elephant's back. Are you... Dude. Are you...

Now he's packed into a packadour. Are you... Eventually, the elephant squeezes him out. Yeah, he's throwing up. Hell yeah, bro. Thanks to this butthead's stupid behavior, it's a day he'll never forget. Hell yeah, bro. Thanks to this butthead's stupid behavior, it's a day he'll never forget. I mean, dude, why are they acting like this is funny?

This is so horrific. Thanks to this stupid butthead. Dude, Stacy Keats, you know? How the fucking... It's so funny that he went from that to the voice of american greed that fucking when you come back to american greed we like he used to do videos of guys getting their head stuck in their butt elephant's butt that's crazy dude

oh my god that is so harrowing. And then you're that guy. You know? What's worse? What's worse? Being that guy, now in your community, the guy who had his head up of a fucking elephant's anus or everyone thought you murdered Nicole Brown Simpson I mean that's worse because it's worldwide but if you're in a small community elephant

my head in an elephant's ass is probably the same amount of bad if you're in a small community which I'm sure he was you know but that, even that footage looked like it was from... It's so grainy. How do you see that shit? How did TV used to look like that? That's amazing. Our boy over here in Instagram, Davis Clark,

we got it. You know, I know we've talked about him before. He did a marathon, ran the Boston Marathon in under three minutes? Hours, yeah? That's crazy. Dude. He shit.

What is this world, you know? Like, I hear people shit themselves in marathons, right? Like, that happens? Does that happen? Okay, so that's fine. Hey, hide it. Do you know what I'm saying? Or, you know what?

If I, you know, i i understand that it happens it's still one of those things hide it and here's the thing here's here's here's the thing if i ever run a marathon which i don't know if i will i don't know if i will i'll wear a diaper that's one of those things you hear what people do what when you run a marathon oh give me a diaper like how is how are you not i guess you think you think you don't want to have rash on your thing. You don't want to be, one time I was in Vegas and my buddy forgot his underwear and he couldn't wear underwear while he was in Vegas. And he got a rash. He got a big red rash, like right on the tip of his penis.

And it was so funny. He was like, man, now even if I do hook up with chicks, they're going to think I have herpes or something. Wow, that's funny. Maybe he was lying and he had herpes and he just didn't want to let me know. But no, he didn't have underwear. That was hilarious. Everything I have for the people, 256, I shit my pants like crazy. Everything I have for the people, 256, I shit my pants like crazy.

There's no shitting your pants not like crazy. There's no shitting your pants not like crazy. I think that is probably he's a really hard worker. You know? That's crazy. To work so hard that you shit your pants. Like, I didn't do that on stage. One time I was on stage, I had to go so bad,

and I got the person who was featuring for me to come back up on stage, tell some jokes while I emptied out, you know? So in a way, he's a lot better than I am, this guy. That's incredible. Just running down his pants, liquidy and just a mess on his sock. That's the thing. Shit your pants is one thing, but shit in your socks it's another hide it we're a diaper right i agree on that um but anyway he was locked in huh super locked in oh shout out to my buddy mike lenochi his special is out he used to open for me a lot uh when i was

uh when i was uh on the follow the leader tour and um and all that he's great go check it out on youtube michael lenochi uh you know he's he's great and his specials out. So go support him. You should go check it out and leave a, uh, leave a, uh, a comment for him, you know, um, Logan Paul's having a baby, which is, I knew that was coming, bro. I'm, you know, I'm a little psychic. No, I'm not psychic. I don't know. I don't think I'm psychic cause I'm not a chick, but, uh, good for him. You know, that guy just perseveres huh that guy just gets through it good for him it's like the whole thing where he was well first of all he was people were mad at him because he did the thing in the uh forest of the in japan and then and then every now and then it's like he's in some kind of it's like you know he's very very big star now so it's like

hot water doesn't matter but you know that even that dylan dennis thing then it's like he's in some kind of, you know, he's a very big star now. So it's like hot water doesn't matter. But, you know, even that Dylan Danis thing, right? That's that guy's name where he was like talking shit about his fiance. The guy just perseveres. Logan Paul just goes, fuck it. And then he just, you know, having a baby. That's cool. Wow, I can't wait to see that fucking baby.

That's cool. I'm like a chick. I'm happy for people who have babies, man. I'm happy for people who have babies, man. I'm happy for people who have babies. I think there's too many babies, but I'm happy for people to have them. I think it's really sweet. If you see a baby and you don't... How about when you have...

I've had... Well, I guess William's kind of still a baby. He's one. So technically, I guess not you know, William's kind of still a baby. He's one. So technically, I guess not, right? He's a toddler. But, you know, when Calvin was under one, you bring him around, even now, actually, at one or two or three or even four, when I bring my son around and people, like, look in his eyes and don't smile, that's crazy.

That is absolutely crazy to me. Babies are so cute. You walk by, you go like, oh, how do you not do that? But then I think about like, we just don't ever really know what people are going through. Like someone came up to me today and she was like, Hey, I just want to say I'm a big fan. I've been a big fan for you for a long time. Uh, and I think you're great. And this and that. And I was like, ah, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. That's very sweet of you. And then she walked away and I was like, I wonder, I'm so different when I, when I,

on this podcast and when I am in like out in the world with people. Obviously when I'm in joke mode or podcast mode or whatever you know I'm spouting up my opinions about shit. Yeah I get it but I'm a nice person. People think I don't know probably people think I'm not because I'm like a dick on this podcast but like I was she walked away I was like I wonder

if people think that's weird when I'm nice to them. I don't know I'm just thinking about it too much but I spiral. Yay! I spiral. I spiral. I spiral. I really do spiral. I I'm going to stagecoach I'm going to stagecoach what do you want from me I have an announcement I'm going to stagecoach what do you want from me

I have to I have to. I have to. I have to go to stagecoach. All the stars aligned. I'm forced. You know what it was? My wife and her friends were over.

And they were drinking. And, you know, when they're drinking, I go, I go, uh-oh, right? Because when women get drunk, it's so silly and fun until it's not. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like that last, oh, oh, when you see that last, oh, that's the one. Ah, that's the one that's going to ruin my night, right? Hers, of course, but she's in control of it. I'm not. She's, oh, oh, shit. Okay.

Well, I'm fucked. All right. Well, so tomorrow's going to suck. The next day will be a little bit better. And you know what I mean? Like, I'm fucked, all right, well, so tomorrow's gonna suck, the next day will be a little bit better, and then, you know what I mean, like, I'm not gonna get much sleep, she'll be, I'll have to help her, she doesn't need the aspirin, and she's gonna probably live better, I gotta do it together, all right, so this is gonna suck fucking monkey balls, all right, okay, you know, oh, that last tilt up, oh, oh, okay, all right, all right, well,

oh, she did shots, oh, I thought she was just going to be doing. Okay. All right. She did shots. All right. Well, tomorrow's going to be. All right. Tomorrow's going to be. Tomorrow's going to suck donkey balls.

Okay. All right. Cool. So. So. Her and her friends are over. I love her friends. You know, my wife has great friends, which is crazy because I lucked out.

Now, she's a good person. And I know that usually good people know good people, but not always. There are good people and the radar is just fucked. You know, they've got like like like they've got that thing on it from the russians that blocked it in the hunt for red october where they can't they can't figure out where it is they i don't know i they seem like a good person but really they got the missiles fucking locked on them and so they're drinking and they're at the point where it's still fun and one of the friends says you think chris can hook it up and get us into stagecoach and i go oh

i liked you. You're on my shit list now. But whatever. I'm like, they're tipsy. They're not going to remember. It's okay. All right? Kristen immediately, at the end of this other girl's sentence, goes, oh, Chris, ask your friends.

Ask them. Because, you know, look, I don't want to toot my own horn. I am fucking hella country. I am in the country circle, okay? I know a lot of country artists. I've had dinner with country artists. I've hung out with country artists, right? That's about it.

Not really into the country circle. But I go, well, look, babe, I think stagecoach is probably really hard to get into. I'm not going to stagecoach if I got to be in the – like I saw Adam Ray post a clip about a No Doubt concert in Coachella. Now, simply blow my brains out, right? Simply. And No Doubt Music, I like No Doubt Music, right? And I'm not even talking about like, you know,

I can't even think of it. The only thing I can think of is Banana's song. That's it. Anyway, Adam was having a good time with his friends and that's cool, but I'm just like, I don't know, man. So I'm'm like I can't be doing that right and I'm not above paying for tickets I'll pay for tickets but then I'm like it would be the shit if I could ask my friends who are country dudes, great artists, you know,

what the deal was. And I don't want to ask for tickets, right? Because I feel like that's shitty. And so I'm like, well, afterwards, the next day, I'm like, maybe they'll forget about the stagecoach thing because it's just gonna be too hard logistically to do. And I'm also like, how am I gonna work out when I'm there for the

three days you know what am I gonna eat I'll probably eat like a fucking corn dog I'm gonna be like a fat piece of shit you know what I'm saying and like and end listening to you know what I'm saying Travis Tritt so I'm like alright well maybe she'll forget the next day she goes

man that would be so cool you should check out that stagecoach thing and I was like, babe. I would sniff it out. But your friend said, could Chris hook it up? And honestly, I don't know if I can. Because I don't know how many friends would you want to go., I don't know if I can because I don't know how many friends would you want to go and I don't know if I got it like that, right? Look, I'm in the country circle,

but I don't got it like that. Like I have, you know, I've had dinner with country artists. I know country artists. I'm in the country circle, but I don't know if I have it like that. So I can reach out, but I don't know if I can get them tickets too and she she says well uh it's okay just see if you could get tickets for me and you and they can fend for And I'm just like, whoa, bro.

Whoa. All right. I like that. Because she wasn't betraying him, but she's like, I get it. I get it. But see if you can just get it for just us. And I'm just like. Wow.

I didn't know you had that streak in you. So I was like, how about I text, and I'm not going to ask for tickets, but I'm just going to text my musical culture artist friend. Are you going to be at Coachella? Because I don't know. I don't know because I'm joking about how I'm in the country circle i have no idea who's a stage coach so i hit up the dude and i say hey are you gonna be a stage coach and he says yeah you know what i'm not sure what about immediately right back i'm not sure about uh what the whole thing is with vip passes and all that but let me see if i can get you some tickets for you and your wife would you want to come and i go thanks hardy

and and and uh and so he pulled through dude and me and my wife we're gonna go we're gonna go to stagecoach dude and thanks to hardy and uh that's rad and i'm like now i gotta go because he made it so easy and it's going to be awesome, I think. Here's the thing, dude. I don't like anything. And that's so sad. I started thinking about what if there's something deep. I take that back.

I like things, obviously. I'm joking. I like a few things. I like my family and I like things. Obviously, I'm joking. I like a few things. I like my family, and I like being on stage, and I think I've tricked myself into liking working out. Oh, and I really like watching movies at night and eating ice cream or something. like, you know, ice cream or something.

But it's hard for me. You know, if I took a Vovance, I'd be off and rocking, dude. But I'm not going to. I don't do that shit, you know. But I went on a boat. I took Vovance. I went on a boat. Probably one of the best times of my life.

And I don't even like it. It was prescribed, okay? It wasn't recreational. It my life. And I don't even like it. It was prescribed, okay? It wasn't recreational. It was prescribed. And I go, I mean, there was a whole episode about it. But I had a great time and Kristen was like, whoa. And I was like, that's pretty much Adderall. And I'm like, so what is base level for a human, right?

Because we don't know. We're only us. Right? Do you ever have a bad mood all day? Yeah, you do, right? Because we don't know. We're only us, right? Do you ever have a bad mood all day? Yeah, you do, right? Hey, some people are listening to this right now and they're like, nah. You know what I'm talking about? Like my friend David Sullivan, that dude just fucking kind of keeps trucking. Good things happen, bad things happen, doesn't matter. Dude, he'll fucking, the guy, he was at a five-year-old's birthday party the other day but it's like like he didn't have a five-year-old kid he was at a

five-year-old birthday party because his friend had a five-year-old that was and then i'm like well yeah of course he was he's always over with it wasn't fucking see calvin like of course and uh so i'm like the guy just keeps you know he's positive right so i'm like, the guy just keeps, you know, he's positive, right? So I'm like, he would want to go to stagecoach so bad. And a guy like that would want to go so bad. And I'm going to try and feel the excitement for it. Because it's a shame that I don't have that. It's a shame. It sucks.

I wish I had more things. There it is. There it is. there it is it's been 376 episodes and there's the breakthrough dude there it is i wish i had more things to be excited about fuck but I don't. I have four things and I do them all the time. I do stand up. I joke around. I love my family and I watch TV late at night. That's what I do, dude. And I eat bad food when I do that, you know? And yeah, I stay lean and how the fuck did he stay so lean? But yeah, I do because I work out hard

and I, you know, I don't eat the first meal sometimes. And maybe that's good. I don't know. You'll hear all this shit about intermittent fasting. I think I'm basically doing that and I don't even mean to. So I, we were on the couch and I go, and I was with David Sullivan and Sam.

My son calls him Sam the guy because we have a dog named Sam and Sam comes over and my son still calls him Sam the guy. He's very cute and Sam. My son calls him Sam the guy because we have a dog named Sam and Sam comes over and my son still calls him Sam the guy. He's very cute and hilarious. We didn't know what he was saying for a little bit. Sam the guy? He was like, yeah, Sam the guy. I'm like, oh my God, that's hilarious. So anyway, David and Sam the guy were over.

And dude, I put on this... You know what I do sometimes when I'm scrolling? And this is a great thing to do. I remember there's Shudder. I go, oh yeah. There's a whole streaming service dedicated to horror movies.

I go, oh yeah, Shudder. I go oh yeah Shudder Turn on Shudder And immediately I'm hit with a Fucking Thumbnail Whatever you call it With a kind of creepy

Lower face And a burlap sack on the front On the top of the head The title of the movie, Baghead. Okay, I go in my head, I get to bag head the second syllable. In the second syllable, I'm already clicking on it because there's nothing that I'd rather see than a movie that's a horror movie at that called bag head

hey try harder right but then i'm like ah maybe it's supposed to be like that because it's, I mean, how do you get that title? You know what it's about? A fucking lady with a bag on her head. Yeah, there's no extra thinking to it. It was a lady with a bag on her head. No race. All right. And she's dead.

She comes out of the basement and you get to she turns into you put the bag over her head and she has a bag on her head you pull it off and she could be you could talk to dead people if you want to but you got two minutes why don't know after two minutes she like owns you right so i go i don't even need to know any of this stuff to watch the movie i'm already in because it's called baghead but how did they fucking stop at back baghead was one of the things where the writer wrote it and he was like oh it's called baghead for now and then it just became a thing and they're like fuck it it's like snakes on a plane try harder right at the meeting they're just like should we change the name though baghead

what else i don't you know i don't know baghead seems to be kind of honestly the thing it is really she is a bag this new baghead okay so they did it watch the movie 30 minutes and i go now what kind of guy are you i'm asking this to the audience because i know what kind of guy i am because it happened last night and I already knew I was this kind of guy. This is the thing. This goes back to, say I get Coachella tickets, right? I was going to say station,

doesn't matter. Coachella tickets in January when they go on sale. I don't know when they go on sale. And the week of Coachella comes and I think, I don't want to go, but I already spent thousands of dollars

on the room, on the Coachella tickets, right? I think more than, I think, you know, 80 to 90% of people would, maybe even more than that, would still go. Because they think like, I paid for the thing. Bro.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I don't do that. I do what I want, when I want. It didn't matter if I got tickets for it. Dude. Dude, okay? If I don't want to go, I don't want to go. But we already paid for the, okay, so do something I don't want and pay for it.

Right? So I'm of the camp, do what you want when you want to. Even if you already paid for tickets and something that you don't feel like doing, all right? And I really think that that's really, really peace. I think that's peace. So I'm watching the movie Baghead, and I go, you know, I get to that moment where,

you know, kind of like you're getting your first first hj and you're huh 30 minutes into the movie and i look over to david and sam the guy and i say hey guys this movie's very bad uh can we change it? And they say, we're already 30 minutes in. And I say, but is it bad? And they said, yeah, but you know, I'm kind of,

I want to see what happens. And I go, come on guys. You know it's bad. And here's the thing about Baghead is it's not bad enough to be good. It's not, it's not good and it's not bad enough to be good. It's not good, and it's not bad enough to be good. So it's in the middle. It's just a movie that where things,

it's like a movie where you put into AI, make a movie about a lady with a bag on her head, and then she could become dead people. This is the movie that they would come out with. This is the first AI movie. I guarantee it. And they didn't. They made me watch the whole fucking movie.

I watched the whole movie. It got worse. And then it ended worse. Okay? So I go, this sucks. Guys, that movie sucked. And they're like, you picked it. And I was like, I wanted to stop it 30 minutes in.

And they're like, well, I was already hooked. So Baghead goes away. And then the next thumbnail, a movie called Birth Rebirth. Now it is 1 a.m. But that movie was bad. And they're still over. And I go, can't end on that movie. Got to clear it with another good one.

And I heard this one's good. I look it up on Rotten Tomatoes, even though that means absolutely nothing 96 rotten tomatoes even though that means absolutely nothing i go hey to the guys sam the guy and dave look 90 96 percent i play it 10 minutes in they go we gotta go they leave bro leave. Bro, do you know me? Picture me turning it off and going to bed. Hey, hey, no, I didn't. I didn't. I stayed and I watched it because I wanted to clear the baghead movie. And I'll tell what that movie birth rebirth was a 7 out of 10 cleared it cleared it fucking cleared it went to bed at 4 woke up at 10 30 feel like absolute utter shit but i cleared it feel terrible but i cleared it I feel terrible, but I cleared it.

And you know what I ate? You know what I ate when I watched it? This is so gangster. I ate... Cake. That's not it. I ate two pieces. That's not it.

It was my son's one-year-old birthday cake. That's not it. My son, my one-year-old son, didn't even see the cake at all. He went to bed, and we were going to have family over, but dude, part of my family was sick, and we're like, let's just skip it and your boy sat and watched

baghead and birth-rebirth cuddled up like a roly-poly on the couch eating his son's one-year-old birthday cake that his one-year-old didn't even get to enjoy and stayed up till 4 a.m. Yo! That's not 44 what is! You should strive to get to that point in your life, honestly. Really. You really should. God, it was fucking

exactly what I wanted to do. And now I feel like utter shit. But it's okay. Oh yeah, Shudder. Am I... okay oh yeah shutter am i the cake bro that cake from uh suzy cakes hey is it moist oh is it it's it probably you can practically drink it You can practically drink it. Yeah, but Chris, is it really moist?

Hey, why don't you try it for yourself, buddy? Is it moist? Did you just get done washing the car with it? I'm just saying, you can't tell the difference. Um. um was at the gym today there were two bro there i'll get to that later but there were two pregnant ladies at the gym just making everyone else feel like an utter piece of dog right because they were they were killing it you know doing legs you know just with their fat bellies and they they looked great they were very pretty but that's beside the point they looked great like healthy and and just i'm like oh why are there two pregnant women in

my gym right now just killing it here Here I am doing chest, you know. Dude, this guy, there's a new follow I have on Instagram. It is Sads Jewelers, S-A-A-D-S Jewelers. It's just incredible. Now, I'm not saying that nobody in this video is smart, okay, but I am saying Don't you want to seem smart Or don't you want to seem not dumb right look let's just play the video This is a jewelers and the guy makes grills and everything else, but I just I get every second of this video

grills and everything else but i just i get every second of this video not funny not i i don't dude one thing that i can't stand so much are fake like those fake laughs to fill the space it drives me nuts it drives me nuts you know who does that the most? DJs on the radio. Dude, all right, we're coming back. Okay, all right, back from a break. Okay, you know, we stick around. We got some more J. Cole for you. All right. Dude, what are you fucking laughing at?

Play this song. Play Crooked Smile. You know? All right, We're back. Oh, man. Oh, man. Rihanna's in a lot of hot water with her Fenty thing, right? Anyway, here's Umbrella.

What are you fucking laughing at? So here. This is what you got. Mr. Moorbuck is back. That's right. Because he loves you guys. I is what you got. Mr. Moorbach is back. That's right. Because he loves you guys. I love all you haters. I'm obsessed with people who say they have haters that are no one.

I love when somebody thinks they have haters. When it's like seven people know you. How many haters do you have? One? Two? Who's your hater? The guy at the fucking, you know, your waiter that you didn't tip?

Like, who is your hater? Think. Think you, listening right now. Who's your hater? Who is your hater? If you're, right now, if you haven't thought of it yet, you don't have any. Okay? Rappers got to have haters, though.

So, yeah, so. And you know you're in love with him. That's the Jeweler talking. And rapper Simon Trey. Let me see Simon Trey. Let me see what you got, man. He's rapping it. Let me see the grills, man.

Dude, are these guys all underwater? Let me see the grill, man. Let me see the grill, man. And then also have a script, guys. You know, start with an idea. They're just standing next to him with grill. Here we go. Man, what's up, man?

Cincy! Man, what's up napoleon designamite dude unbelievable i ain't gonna talk my because i don't need to you feel me so polite the way he did it he bowed that's right everyone's underwater. Oh, dude. Guys. A bird. Yo, I saw this video and the guy goes,

I gotta get a grill. I gotta get grills. I gotta get grills. So I can go, Oh, God. How cringe is that, I gotta get grills. I gotta get grills. So I can go, SKY! Oh, God. How cringe is that, dude?

I can't even do it without feeling bad. Even as a joke. SKY! Dude. Wow, that's fucking... That is so stupid. I really feel it. And the guy's doing it.

Like it's cool. What a mess. And then the other guy does it. Oh, this is actually my favorite part. The guy turns the camera away and then shows the jewelry in the case. This is my favorite part. I forgot about this part. I got a lot of these pennants in right there. What is this guy working with in his face?

I got a lot of pennants right there. Is he fucking, who's the guy from Robin Hood with the fox? Who's the friar? Whatever the fuck. The fat friar John, whatever the fat one is. A lot of the last suppers. A lot of the last suppers. Dude, just such garbage, you know?

A lot of the last suppers. you know a lot of last suppers like dude how many people want a last supper pendant that there are a lot left gauge it better money tree right here money monetary right here. What's a fucking friar, John? Friar Tuck. Is that what it is? Yeah. Trap house.

Trap house? Dude. And people will go there and be like, yo, that one. I mean, I like the trap house, but y'all gotall got oh y'all do have last suppers left yo let me see that what's that i'll get that one okay whatever you guys want we got everything in stock come on in you guys this is trailing off everything in stock nobody said anything yet you know it's incredible

i'm back that's right just absolute just garbage i love. Screw it. Just absolute, just garbage. I love it. Love it. Love it. I would be friends with these guys. I don't give a fuck. Okay? Let's look at some more of these guys.

Here we go. Big Dog and Tino G. Hey, guys. Big Dog saying I love you guys. This is G and Brandy. They're living the life. They love the king of Texas. Screaming, dude.

Doing it. Right, right, dude. Doing it. Cincy! Dude, you can't not be insecure afterwards because you don't know when that guy's going to stop talking. It's his big dog, Tino and G with Brandy shopping

for their son with the king of Texas. Got something for the little boy. Actually, I ain't going to show y'all yet. It's a little surprise, you know what I'm saying? I mean, dude, figure it out before the video. Got something for the little boy. Actually, not even going to show you yet. Just fucking backed out so hard.

Big Dottino, y'all come through. I'll put everybody on. Oh, it. Big Dottino. Y'all come through. I put everybody on. Oh, it ends there. Unreal, bro. Hey, guys, this is G and Brandy. I had no idea. They love the King of Texas. They're doing it.

Right, right, right. That's something for a little boy. Actually, I ain't going gonna show y'all yet it's a little surprise you know what I'm saying Big Dottino y'all come through I put everybody on

dude that's great man oh that's great dude alright guys thank you very much going over to the that's it for YouTube going over right, guys. Thank you very much. That's it for YouTube. Go on over to Patreon and watch the rest of the episode. Patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. And go on over to Patreon also to watch the Brian Callen episode of Congratulations.

Sign up right now. And Australia, I'm coming. And a bunch of different places, I'm coming. I'll see you there. I'm out.