Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 381. The Wuss Scale

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

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Chattanooga and West Virginia. I will be there this weekend. Go to chrislea.com and Australia and Des Moines. And I got a bunch of different dates coming up. Go to chrislea.com to get those tickets. And without further ado, here is the next episode of congratulations. congratulations and I also have Irvine I forget where I'm going I forget

that I booked clubs too I'm going to be at Irvine and Oxnard coming up and then a bunch of I said Australia but anyway dude I've had this thing

like just need to keep, like, doing that. And it's so annoying. You ever get that? It's just insane. I think it's a yearly thing. I think it's a seasonal thing. You know, like, every year during this time, maybe the beginning of summer or something. I don't know.

I'll have to check, right? I'll have to check. I'll have to check. But I'll have to check next right? I'll have to check. I'll have to check. But I'll have to check next year. I'll have to see. I'll have to clock it. But yeah, anyway. Speaking of Australia, going to Australia,

got the passports. I mean, I have a passport, and my wife has a passport, but my sons don't, and my sons are four and one, and they have to get their passports, and it's so funny, their little pictures on it, especially Billy's.

It's like he's got no business getting a passport, you know? Like, hey, it's him. Hey, this is him, dude. You don't need a passport. This is just the baby. So let's just bring him in. We're going to bring him in the country. It's going to be fine. He's's just gonna do pretty much kind of he he's gonna just pretty

much eat and poop and sleep and cry just like just like kind of like his dad honestly uh but his dad does need a passport because he's 44 and billy's one so he doesn't need a passport so just let me bring this baby in huh um but he's gonna have one and his picture looks dope too uh so i don't mean to brag but my son's my son's passport pictures look pretty dope um we're here and it is uh time to get on and popping uh and i just feel like everything is, everything's all gravy. Everything's pretty gravy. And the thing about Diddy is crazy how you saw a video of him beating the crap out of Cassie, is it? Yeah.

And he was, it's just Yeah. And and he was. It's just sad. I don't know. It's like to. Yeah, maybe it's not the best way to start off a podcast, but man, I just was like, oh, shoot. When there's video of you doing that, I don't know how you I don't know how you keep going. Like, all right, let's make some more music. you know. It's a weird thing to think about. And it's also that was 10 years ago, over 10 years ago. Also, why wasn't he staying in a nice hotel? And I thought he was a billionaire. But, yeah, it was weird.

And apparently he paid for the footage from the hotel and also the hotel just gave it to him for 50 G's and it's like hey but hotel you're a hotel you can't do that you're a hotel dude you can't just receive 50 G's for the security table hotel as is in someone's house hey hotel you got people staying in you right so it's weird okay also who got the money legal illegal um but um i don't know you know i don't really know anything about that i don't know where it was or whatever so maybe it's different in that state i have no idea um there was a kid named james when i was a kid i was in new jersey in elementary school and i would say uh and and and one time he was doing uh swings

on the swing set and apparently he saw so i talked about this before apparently he saw some movie the night before because he was like hey chris ask me if i have any ideals and he would just he said hey chris ask me if i have any ideals and i did you have any ideals and he says nope all fresh out ideals and then jumped off the swing that's what he would do and then uh he made me do it five times and his name was james and i remember he had a jacket that was blue it was too big dude who who is that kid now you know who do people grow up to be you know god that's crazy who are these people out there they're out there somewhere not many of them died some of them did a lot of them did because of the sheer volume but the percentage of them are just alive and just around you know like i saw a guy the other day that um

commented on like a post that justin bieber and um uh um jayden smith was on where they kiss each other you know where they did that little kind of like it was like a very fluid kiss that they did and it was like oh is it people you know people from nebraska was like where they kiss each other, you know, where they did that little kind of like, it was like a very fluid kiss that they did. And it was like, oh, is it people, you know, people from Nebraska was like, oh, they're homosexual. And, uh, you know, I guess it was, it was kind of, it's when you get to a certain level of fame, it's not gay or straight. You just kind of kiss, you know, you just kind of kiss and you don't even think about if it's a man or woman, you just go, Hey, what's up? And they stroke sometimes. They don't care.

They don't care. They're just 30 and so famous and just kiss, dude. They just kiss. And they're like, oh, yeah, he was a guy. I forgot. I wasn't thinking about it. Who cares? Stroke, squirt. god i know i wasn't thinking about it who cares stroke squirt uh and um and so they were doing that and then i and then i looked and i and i looked down in the comments

and it wasn't even like far down and there were like 20 000 comments on it you know it was like a big post and some dude i went to high school with was just like i'm convinced everyone in hollywood are butt pirates and i'm just like oh well there there's there's there's bill there's bill dude there's what i wonder what he been up to he used to be a big bully and now he's just 44 commenting on a jayden smith justin bieber kiss video you? And he's just around still. I had no idea. I had, you know. I didn't really know about him too much, you know,

but he was a bully. And I remember he had a girlfriend and then she broke up with him and then we started dating and he got real mad at me and I thought he was going to beat me up and whatever, dude. He never did, though.

And there's still time, I guess. But also, he did break into my car later that week and threw all the stuff around it in my Suburban. And I was like, I don't really care. It's my mom's car, you know. Everyone's like, oh, dude, Billy broke in your car and threw all this shit. And then he used my gas card or my mom's, my dad's gas card, I guess, in like, you know, Simi Valley to fill up his tank. And like we just canceled it. And everyone's like, oh, no.

And I was like, I don't really care. I don't really care with this chick. I don't really care, man. Doing that hurts. I got a shoulder pain, so that's cool. I did cupping, is it called? Cupping? Yeah.

My buddy Anthony came over. He works with the Lakers. And since I'm an athlete too, he came over and did some cupping on my shoulder. And it looks crazy. My son looked at it, and he was like, what is that? And he's just not over it. He's just like, what is that, blood coming to the surface? And then he can't stop talking about it, so that's cool.

like what is that blood coming to the surface and then he can't stop talking about so that's cool but um but uh yeah i got the cupping and he really got in there dude i you know what i realized i don't like massages at all i don't i don't like massages but oh god i'll tell you i'd be remiss if i didn't include a sports massage with that i I love sports massages, dude. And it's because I'm a sport. I'm an, I'm an, I must be an dude when I go get, if I, if I, and I, and I haven't in a long time, but I've done it in my life. If I go to Burke Williams or something, some, some, some quack place like that. If I really go to a place where they've got like trickling water and, uh, you know, bamboo around and calm music like go like get out of here with the i don't like calm music i'll be as calm as i want to be you don't need music to make me you know but um if i go to one of those places and they come out and then they just start you know

massage i'm like what it's nothing it But, dude, you get a sports massage? You get Anthony in here? Just digging in your, you know, right there on my shoulder? And, boy, it hurt, but a good pain, you know? He was like, what does it feel like? What's the worst pain it's been out of 10 over the past week? And I was like, oh, I don't know, seven? He was like, okay, so eight's ER. Eight, you would go to the ER.

And I'm like, oh, what is it? You have to explain that part first. Okay, four, you know? I don't understand, like, because I just, maybe I'm just a wuss, right? I don't know when people say, like, what, pain, one through ten? When a doctor says,

so what is it, one through ten, pain-wise? I'm like, I don't know, but I operate on the Wuss scale, dude. I operate on the Wuss scale. Nine? You know? And the doctor's like, that's a hangnail. Yeah, I don't know, 10?

But yeah, I just think that it's basically any pain is a 10. Otherwise, why even think about it, right? Who cares what a three is? You got a three pain, you keep moving. You got a three pain, you definitely still go to the gym. You got a five pain, you still go to the gym. If you got pain and you don't go to the gym, it's an eight pain. I don't know, man.

Started watching the season two of the jinx you know which i wasn't involved dude i no let me take that back the first jinx i saw and it was awesome the first season all right that was like 10 years ago i didn't really know so long ago, but it was. Nine, maybe. And okay, right? But I remember when that intro music would start. Boom, boom, da, da. Boom, boom, da, da. Boom, boom, da. You know, whatever it was. I would be like, oh, yeah.

Hey, dude. Time to settle in you know i was like oh hell yeah time to settle in you know how they do stuff for tv shows like they'll make music for the intro don't do that there's so many dope songs out there already pick one of those i pay for you cheapskate you're gonna have to pay for someone to make it anyway pay for it i found out that that boom boom it was already a song so i'm like oh just this is how it should always be there's songs out there choose from the catalog pick that song you know if it's a night if it's a song that would be on the you know

wb like gilmore girls has already picked up closing time one last call for alcohol in the night i know whatever that one is you know or or if it's a cool ass song, that one, right? That would be cool. But you make score, you know? I'm not into that. I'm not into the score. So I found out that they use a real song on the jinx and I go, oh,

well that's it, dude. Use that. Use real music. So anyway, so I'm, I watched this episode. It was,

dude, the jinx was crazy, right? The guy's just so bonkers. He just couldn't shut up and now he's in jail. And, uh, and he couldn't,

and, and, and, and it's all because of this documentary that they made on HBO. And, uh, okay. So I'm like, oh, wow. And then they made a part two, nine years later. Now, you know how I feel about part twos. If you're gonna make a part two, make it for at max five years late at, and I'm talking max five years later. All right. Now max five years later, all right?

Now, I get documentaries are really hard to make. You got to let stuff happen before you make it. Okay, fine, I get it. I get it. For the jinx, okay, that's fine. Nine years, okay, whatever. Dude, when somebody makes a sequel, like they make sequels 20 years later, you know? Like The Matrix.

There's so many examples. I can't think of them. They're eluding me now, but it's not worth it, dude. You waited decades. You waited decades. It's done, dude. You already did. You did tell the all good i get a cash grab but hey dude you don't need to make a it it's for the you know what especially in this culture spotted a coach um what uh especially because of this culture

Culture. Especially because of this culture. You. This is what I'm trying to say. Hold on. This is what I'm trying to say. Let me get my thoughts together here. This is what I'm trying to say.

The binge culture. Hell yeah. Got it. The binge culture. Right. I don't. Now they're trying to go back to, oh, well, we'll release the first two or three and then every week we'll release another.

So now it's going back to appointment television, which I guess is not, I guess it's not like exactly appointment television because it's not 7 p.m. a on a wednesday is that it comes out i understand it's just they'll say like yeah well we drop it on wednesday now there's new show dark matter i saw the first two episodes of dark matter and then i'm like oh now i'm hooked and i can't watch the third one the third one comes out wednesday just wednesday you can watch it so okay so but it is kind of appointment television in a way because it comes out midnight on wednesday

so i'm not going to sit up and wait for it so I can watch it anytime on Wednesday. So I guess technically it's not actual appointment television. But I'm just like, I waited then until the next Wednesday. And I saw it the next Wednesday. And I already forgot everything. Okay? It's been a week. And your boy forgot the whole first two episodes. Oh, and they think they're going to be cute with that recap?

They think they're going to be cute with the recap. Here's what you missed. Oh, dude. Hey. Start it over. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. From jump, all of it. Hey, hey, hey, dude, so much shit has happened for the past week.

You're going to create binge television and then take it away from us and make appointment TV? How about this, dude? Netflix is opening up movie theaters hey so what then the last 10 years was just bullshit you were just trying to get into the theater game right you started saying like hey let's just do DVDs we'll just send them over to you and then hey we'll just stream it hey we'll stream it that's the best part about it is that you don't even have to go to the theater and now they're like

well, actually we want to be up for Academy Awards so we got to release some of the shows some of the movies in theaters, and that's okay we'll release some of the movies in theaters and for like a week this way we get the credit for the thing, we get an Oscar Idris Elba could get an Oscar nomination you know

we'll make sure everyone gets an Oscarcar we make sure that that chick from the crown goes nomination but and then and then and then and then and then what and then what well oh the martin scorsese wants to do a netflix movie all right well we'll release kills the far moon into the and now i gotta sit at home and wait for the thing and then i got netflix then I got Netflix. Then I got movies that are out there that like you on Netflix and you can't even see them yet. And you have Netflix. You fucked us, you know. You really did.

And this is the stuff that I complain about. And you know what? I don't, I'm not negative. It's positive. I'm an advocate for change. You know? But it's pretty silly, man. Netflix has movie theaters.

And they tried to make Jinx two nine years later. And so I watch it. So now I'm watching it. And I didn't want to watch it. And my wife was like, no, David's an op David came over he's an op and he was like you guys know that second season of Jinx hey man and my wife goes oh and I and I in my head I I go oh okay I don't like this because the way she reacted leaves me no choice but to acquiesce, right? Otherwise, ha ha. My wife's so excited about this show. What am I supposed to do? But I want to watch Good Boy, you know that movie where the guy dresses up as a dog, the horror movie?

I want to watch Good Boy. You know that movie where the guy dresses up as a dog, the horror movie? What was his one? Good Boy? I want to watch Good Boy. The Good Boy. Let me, let me. I'm Googling it.

Good Boy Horror. I'm not Garer. Horror. That's the right movie? Yeah. Okay, so this movie is called Good Boy. And it came out in out in 2002 22 and this is what it's about okay sigrid who which already i'm i'm fucking in dude a guy's name the guys the woman a man or woman i don't know i don't even know. The name is Sigrid, okay? I'm in because it's a foreign movie, all right?

I never met somebody named Sigrid, which means they're on other land somewhere, which means I like the idea that the movie is not American because most of the time, American movies are bad most of the time. Now, most of the time, all movies are bad, okay? Not just American. But if I get to see an extra little special sliver of how the world is somewhere in Sweden, name your character Sigrid, dude, I'm in. So Sigrid hits it off with Christian, a millionaire heir.

She meets on a dating app, so Sigrid's a woman, but learns that he lives with a man who acts like his pet dog okay in if i wasn't in before in now but then trying to be open-minded she continues her relationship but soon notices an insidious undertone to him in in a movie that sounds like it should be a comedy that is a horror movie involved in dude a movie that is sound when you're describing it you go oh that sounds funny and the person says no but it's a horror movie get the fucking popcorn where where'd they shoot it what's the lead character's name sigrid get the fucking jujubes get the large club soda no i don't want butter on fucking popcorn uh so i'm like that's what i want to watch and i've already got it locked in my head i got it locked in my brain that that's the movie I'm going to suggest,

and David the op comes over and says, hey, you going to watch, see if you see that? See Jinx? The Jinx guy, and Kristen goes, oh, I love that, and then I realized I didn't even know Kristen when she watched the drink, the drink, the Jinx. So now I'm like, oh, I don't even know how much she liked it. It turns out she really liked it, the way she was reacting.

She's like, please, let's watch it. Please watch it. And Dave was like, sounds like we got to watch one episode at least, you know? And just if we like it, if you like it, if you're in, then we'll watch more. He said, okay, but I'm not. We don't. Okay, so we watch one episode. And guess what?

I'm not into it. I'm not into it. Why? Because it's nine years later, dude. It's nine years later. They have a new intro song. It's not even the old dope song. It's another dope one.

But it's like he's already in jail he's in jail he already admitted to it when he was taking a piss on his you know love mike what do i care now he's already in jail it already happened and my wife is so into it we watched the end of the first episode and she says we have to watch a second episode and I go I wonder when I'm gonna watch good boy being married you know you think about it as like I look at my kids and I look at my you know my beautiful wife and I'm just like this is just the happiest you know and I am I'm so happy you know and then I don't get to watch Good Boy and I'm like, the reactions are not right sized. My, and I don't mean my, look, there's a difference between your outward reaction and your inward reaction. And you know, your inward reaction kind of doesn't really matter. It's the reaction you're hiding from everyone,

right? It's when somebody says, hey, you're fired. And then the other person says, oh, good. Well, this is the best thing that ever happened to me, right? Your outward reaction is not matching your inward reaction. Your inward reaction is, oh, I'm shitting. How am I going to pay off my mortgage? But you make, you know, the bravado, you cover it. Great. Best thing that ever happened to me. You know, when one door closes, another one opens, you know, that kind of thing. But my reactions are never right size, inward or outward. Okay. And my inward ones, you know, look, inward reactions don't really matter because they tend to not affect people as much because they're all for you.

But they affect you. They affect your mood. You go like this. Great. I get to watch Good Boy. Okay, well, fuck. I don't get to watch Good Boy. I'm not even going to fucking mention it then.

How about that? Right? And outward, I go like this. Well, I want to be a team player. I want to be like a... I tell you what, if everybody wants to watch the first episode of the second season of the jinx and i'm the only one who doesn't want to then that's okay and they go let's give it a try and i go fuck myself out of that one didn't i but i do it inward right and the outward is like yeah it's all good and the inward is like i i know i'm happy but like

see this is the crazy part of me i just go if i was single dude i'd be watching good boy i'd be in the middle of good boy right now i'd be in the middle of the movie like you know people are like man if i was single you know how much pussy i'd get dude hey if i was single do you know how many movies i want to watch I would watch? And I already watch whatever I want to watch. You know, I kind of like try to bully whoever's around me into watching what I want to watch. But I'm trying to, you know, trying to get it, trying to be a little bit more, you know. So we watched the first episode of The Jinx and I wasn't into it.

Yes, it was well done. And the subject is nice, but I wasn't into it. it was well done and the subject is is nice but I wasn't into it so afterwards I go did you like it and I say no and they go oh come on and so I watched three fucking episodes of the jinx dude I'm watching three episodes of a sequel that came out nine years too late about a guy that is already in jail and you already saw why and good boy's still unwatched about a guy that is already in jail, and you already saw why. And Good Boy's still unwatched. That movie's got to be... What country? What country?

Norwegian. Norwegians make some fucking crazy movies, dude. Norwegians and Asians make the craziest movies, dude. Oh, so they're saying it's a comedy horror. No. Girl meets boy comedy horror. That rabidly bizarre premise. There is a streak of boundary pushing and wantonness to this Norwegian comedy horror.

That I said twice. Didn't need to say it twice. That bodes well for the... All right, what was it, Norwegian? Anyway, it's probably bad, but sometimes these movies with super white people are so crazy. Movies with super white people,

like German or Norwegian orian or swedish denmark dude they're they don't give a fuck about what they put on camera they'll show all the things and you're like oh dude this is for off screen you we're supposed to react to the the wife reacting to this not the fucking guy getting eaten by a tiger. You know what I mean? They'll just show it. Oh, look. He's getting eaten. He's getting

eaten and shitted out. And we show it the whole time. We show the digestion. They'll do that. We'll wait four hours. Fuck it. We wait four hours. We make the movie eight hours long. We'll do that. We'll wait four hours. Fuck it. We'll wait four hours. We'll make the movie eight hours long. We don't care. Have the tiger eat him

and then we just leave the camera rolling on the tiger. And then we wait. Have him turn around and open his asshole and show the X from it. That's the guy. That's the guy. Ha. that's the guy. That's the guy. That's the man that was eaten. You didn't cut.

We didn't cut. This is like in loving memory of Han something, you know? And you find out it was a documentary and you're like, why is nobody in jail because of this like that fucking uh who's the guy who did the bear movie where he grizzly right grizzly bear movie where he got killed who was that guy yeah was that him was one of hers i got killed by the bear okay well who's the no okay they're not him There was some guy that did a documentary. Oh, Grizzly Man. That's what it's called.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh. Oh, he didn't die. The guy died, right? Yeah. Dude, dig his body out of the ground, lock him up.

Get that guy in jail. You don't hang out with a fucking bear. Okay? You go to jail. That's a... I don't care what country... Dude. It's like, you know who else goes to jail that's a i don't care what country you do it's like uh you know who else goes to jail um who's the the magicians sycophant roy right don't they hang out with a white tiger put him in jail dude

and not for animal cruelty idiocy Warner Herzog always has the best narration voice though right right here Grizzly Man that's not him you know? Well, I'm here with one of my favorite bears. It's Mr. Charles. Dude,

how do you not know already that this guy's just in so much trouble? One of my favorite bears right here. He's dressed like a guy with chapped lips, you know? So, this is one of my favorite bears right here. He's dressed like a guy with chapped lips, you know. So that's one of my favorite bears. Hey, dude, here's a vocabulary that you should never have.

One of my favorite bears, okay? There should only be one bear that you like, and that's Winnie the Pooh. That's not a real bear, okay? Second, one of your favorite bears is a real bear? Among real bears? Lock him up. But Warner Herzog, dude. bears is a real bear among real bears lock them up but warner hersog duke so for those of you who have not seen grizzly man um i'm afraid to tell you he gets killed by the bear and you do this amazing scene where you're intercutting all of this great footage that

you found with interviews that The attack was already on. His girlfriend apparently switched on the camera, but it was so violent that she dropped the camera and the lens cap was still on. I just, it's like, it's Austrian or what? I mean, he's Arnold Schwarzenegger basically, but like sexier.

He's sexy Arnold Schwarzenegger is what he is. But the lens cap was still on and the tripod, what happened was he was a man who hang out with a bear and his bear was one of his favorite bears. Ate him, of course. We should lock him up. So now what we're trying to pass is the law.

If somebody talks about a bear too much, we lock him up. Even Chicago bears. if somebody talks about a bear too much we lock him up even Chicago Bears we put so by mistake we lock up the Chicago Bears and the fans but I'll have a documentary about locking up the Chicago Bears. And the tape runs for the next six and a half minutes until the tape ends.

And you hear Timothy Treadwell screaming at some distance. No emotion. No emotion. And you hear Timothy Treadwell screaming at some distance he is getting disemboweled the bear the bear is eating and chomping and chomping and chomping and fucking and putting his in in his anus and fucking and chomping um and eating and chomping and stealing his girl and and and just robbing him robbing him of every experience of life that is now the bear's experience. The bear is moving into his apartment.

The bear is making the bed. The bear is eating his food and redecorating his walls with the wallpaper that he likes, and making friends with the neighbors, inviting them over for dinner, not eating them, but making fish for them, and basically adapting to Tristan Treadwell's life. And I have no emotions about that. I don't care.

I made a documentary and just left the film running. I left it running at his house, at the bear's house now. So the bear lives there. The bear lives there now. And she apparently grabbed a frying pan. You hear her beating the bear over the head with a frying pan. Not going to work. You know?

Jesus Christ, how terrifying would that be? I used to watch that shit. Like Faces of Death. Remember Faces of Death, dude? You'd just watch it at your friend Morgan Doizaki's house. And their mom didn't know any better because when she picked up the phone

she'd just be like, and you're like, is Morgan home? I don't even know where I'm calling. Is Morgan home? Oh, okay. Tell him to call me when he gets back. Okay.

Morgan never called back, you know. But then you go to Morgan's house and you'd watch Faces of Death, right? And it was like the craziest shit, dude, because somebody would just be like beating the head in of a monkey and then eating it. Or, dude, why did they have these things at the VHS store? For the people that don't know about VHS, like the people that are young listening to this podcast, you used to go to a store to get VHS tapes. You'd have to like go to get like, you a jean-claude van damme movie or like you've got mail you just go to the vhs store and blockbuster right you'd rent it but then if you

like didn't go to blockbuster if you went to like a different one called like odyssey video you could go and they had like this section where it was like you could like rated i don't even look at x or what was it back then it was like rated v for violent or whatever the heck it was like it was just rated no you know you can't watch it if you're under 60 years old you know because it'll change your life they'll only be before and after that moment if you're 55 you can't watch it you're too young it'll fuck your brain up right but his face is a death but you're always there was always't watch it. You're too young. It'll fuck your brain up, right? But it's Faces of Death. But there was always a 12-year-old.

You were 12, but the older brother could get it. Oh, what the fuck? Really? He got Faces of Death? And then there was the ripoff Traces of Death. And it's like, come on, dude. Just name it something completely different. But it would be like a guy blowing his brains out another guy like getting beheaded by a bear

and i'm not even bullshitting these were actual things that happened i saw a guy get smacked his head got smacked off by a bear the bear was just like oh and just smacked his head off he's like come here bear come here and just smack the fucking and i'm it's not grizzly Man, you know? And it's just like you're watching that at, you know, 13. And I'm like, Morgan, let's turn this off. And he's like, but it's crazy. And I'm like, yeah, I know it's crazy. I don't want to see it. But watched it all.

You know, saw people eating monkey brains for real. There was a monkey getting trapped and somebody was beating the fuck. They go somewhere in like, you know, who knows, some Asian country for sure. And they just like put a lock a monkey up, a little bit, a little monkey, like the one that Ross had from friends. And they just lock him up and then they give him like utensils and they just go beat, beat, beat the monkey, beat him. And you beat him. You beat the shit out of the monkey until the monkey just until the monkey just stops going you know and it's just like give them a bigger thing you know or a knife but they're just like these tourists are just like just like tapping

the monkey till he dies and the monkey's just like and then it finally just lets out one little and then and then they go okay and then they eat the monkey's brains and it's like it's 1995 don't have video of that at all i saw some crazy shit on faces and traces of death um and and now by the way now can you even get that if you're not on the dark web do you know i'm talking about the like you got to download a whole separate browser like tor you know i'm talking about you can't even why is billy right there he's crying because i'm talking about? You can't even... Why is Billy right there?

He's crying because I'm talking about Faces of Death. But like... Yeah, you downloaded a whole separate browser. You got to go... If you go on... Look, if I go to... Here, if I go to Faces of Death. Man, remember Faces of Death, dude?

Faces of Death death there it is there's the guy oh oh it's on youtube okay well that's a problem this is one of those things that i watch now and it wouldn't even be that bad you know i'd be like oh this is i've seen worse stuff on roku uh Jesus, Faces of Death is a 1978 American mondo horror film directed by John Allen Schwartz, created under pseudonyms Conan LeCillier. It was banned. Why is it banned? It was really banned to be released on November. Wait, it was really planned to be released on November 1st,st 95 but it was withheld from purchase due to concerns of the content and

protests from a number of animal rights groups and which of course it was the national animal rights groups because nobody cares when humans die you know it's like yeah but we don't want them to tap the monkey's head till it dies i love how it got 25 on rotten tomatoes hey dude give it a hundred hey give it zero or a hundred who's who's who's like i mean it was good but it honestly i can't rate it full tomatoes i i gotta go because go because here's why. In the middle, when it showed the guy taking the rock and smashing his balls over and over again against the bigger boulder, it really took a dip, honestly, because I didn't think it was a sexual thing until then. And it just kind of threw it in our faces. I liked it better when they were tapping the monkey until it died.

Look, it made $35 million in the box office, and the budget was $450,000. There's Faces of Death 2. So hold on. Here we go, Faces of Death 2. Let's look at this on IMDb. Documentary horror. This movie continues in the same as FOD1

with short scenes of death-related material, mortuaries, accidents, police work, film, TV crews, all stuff you can see on Roku right now, literally right now, in between Kleenex commercials and Verizon shit. I love Roku. No, not no uh not roku is roku the one what's the one

that i watch tubi tubi is the one where you can watch and i love it because you get to take breaks and you can be watching the most violent shit and then it's just like can you hear me now the verizon guy comes in and you're like oh oh yeah, they have commercials. Some of the material are more likely fake. Some not as likely. Yeah, I remember that too. But still, it was wild though. Faces of Death 3. Oh, let's look up Traces of Death.

Traces of Death. Hell yeah, there it is. Ripped it off. And then Traces of Death 2. And then Traces of Death. Hell yeah, there it is. Ripped it off. And then Traces of Death 2. And then Traces of Death 3. And then Traces of Death 4. Oh, come on, dude. Why?

So it was the same thing? Traces of Death is a collection of archived film and borrowed stock footage. Notorious for its pointless, explorative content. In its opening, you see the death of a woman named Maritza Martin, who was gunned down by her ex-husband on Spanish-language television. Okay. That's horrible, you know?

We then witness British SAS troopers storming the Iranian embassy in 1980. This is followed by a police chase of a criminal in a pickup truck in the deadly finale. It goes to the footage of animal experiments with a grizzly. Scene of a live pig being burned alive with a torch.

Okay, don't need to experiment with that. You know? Hey, it burned. Okay, so we got the stuff. We got the data. What happened? It burned. It was horrific.

But we put it on a turkey sandwich, and honestly, it tastes really fucking good. We are then shown a very graphic presentation on a male-to-female sex change operation. Dude, I remember that. I saw that. Oh, man. This is crazy.

The film opens with a disclaimer saying the producers considered putting a tone before and after each gruesome scene, warning the audience. However, to the entire film being gruesome, the idea was dropped. Okay, you know, put, you know. Hmm. Hmm. Oh, God, slewerside stuff. Oh, come on, dude. Oh, God.

I don't even want to say these things. The film ends with an advertisement to send in $5 to receive a 125-page catalog to buy T-shirts, buttons, and real human bones and skulls. You know, they didn't bury the lead there, did they? So here's the, you know, you had to send away for it. There was no internet. So if you send in $5, we'll send you the catalog. And it's great, dude, because you get the merch.

You know, you get the t-shirts, get the buttons. And there's a lot of great things on there. You know, we got Trace of the Dead hats and all that stuff anyway. And you can also get, you can add it to cart at the end of the Cuban bones and skulls. But anyway. Let's look it up. YouTube.com. It's a great website for videos.

Faces of Death. Look, dude, there's a movie coming out called Never Let Go with Halle Berry. How did I not know that? I should have known that already. I should have deduced everything that happened in life already up until this point in my history, what I've seen and known

that soon there will be a movie called never let go with Halle Berry why not of course sometimes I feel like you can guess what the next person you're going to meet looks like too because of all the data you have in your head here we go faces of death

oh I mean it's just it's just on YouTube dude how is this how the fuck is this okay but we get fucking flagged for saying you know and they got faces of death they got i can't even say sluicide and they got people shooting themselves with a bow and arrow. There's a continual balance that must be maintained. I mean, you know, dude. So old. Not native.

There's a continual balance that must be maintained. In the jungle, the death of one creature ensures the existence of another. Deep within the Amazon basin exists an Indian tribe known as the Jibaras. Fully content with their domain, these soldiers their diseases and are isolated from modern civilization. Now, they will tap a monkey's head until it dies. It takes about 35 taps for each of them. There's six of them.

So that's six times 35 until the monkey stops screaming. And that is when, then, they eat the monkey stops screaming. And that is when. Then. They eat the monkey's brains. That is the Jabarro. Cheering the monkey brains. And now they're eating it. Washing it down.

With the monkey's blood. Jabarro. One of the funniest things ever was fucking dennis miller came out once it was show that show that old show on hbl and the first thing he said was he comes out for this monologue and the first thing he says everyone claps ladies and gentlemen welcome dennis uh uh miller and Welcome, Dennis Miller. And he comes out and he goes, Jumanji. And everyone just starts laughing and he goes, Dude, I thought that shit was so funny, dude. Let's see if we can find it. Jumanji. Dude, that was so funny to me.

Because fuck that stupid name um uh Dennis Miller TV show 1992 Jumanji oh god it's not gonna happen

is it no no no wow the Dennis Miller show Tom Hanks was on it dude how about how Chet Hanks

I hit him up because it was too funny he wrote He wrote on Instagram that his dad texted him, Tom Hanks. And he texted him, Big Mane, can you explain the Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud to me? Tom Hanks sent that to his son, which is hilarious. And then Chet Hanks wrote, yeah, so Drake and his other dude, Jay Colby, I'm saying, you know, paragraphs,

wrote to Tom, to his dad, and he was like, yeah, and so Kendrick basically won. And then Tom Hanks wrote, holy cow, those are fighting words. These are fighting words. People taking sides? Who's winning?

And then he's like, did you just read what I just said? And I wrote him, and I was like, dude, this is not true. Come on. And he said, what do you just read what I just said? And I wrote him, and I was like, dude, this is not true. Come on. And he said, what do you mean? You think Drake won? And I said, no, man.

I mean, did your dad really text you this? And he wrote, what do you say? Oh, come on. What did he say? Yes, bro, on God. And I go, wow, that's hilarious. How old is Tom Hanks? Because my dad's 76. i don't even know if he

didn't even if my dad knows who who kendrick lamar is there's no way my dad knows who kendrick lamar is okay well yeah well he's 10 years younger than my dad okay um good actor huh i don't know man I'm a good actor, huh? I don't know, man. I gotta look at this here. Oh, Terrence Howard did Joe Rogan. And that's wild because...

Terrence Howard is just wild. He's either a genius or... Is just immune to bullshit. What? Play. Play. Play. Play.

I'm pissed. Dude. Play. Come on, man. These studios. These studios, really, really. We gotta update these studios, dude. Which means I need to buy a new computer is all I need. It's just immune to bullshit.

When bullshit hits me, I go, oh I know what this is. You'll see hydrogen sitting all the way over there by itself, but they don't show that hydrogen has the same tone as carbon. What do you mean by tone? Same tone, same key of E. e same key of e 40.5 the next one would be like um 81 hertz you go to silicone it will double up and would be 162 hertz you'll go to to to cobalt and it'll be 324 hertz it's you know in that base if you were to dude i heard a guy saying this honestly today in a tent outside of third and crescent heights like this is something a homeless guy

says and nobody listens to and but terrence harrod is saying it and he's got an Oscar. You know what I mean? Or like an Oscar nomination. Take the angles of incidence or the tones that they create. You know, their color. Like you can turn color back into sound. Dude, if I was on the other side of the thing, just doing that and rewinding them. It's the same wavelength. It's just twice as long or much longer.

So all you have to do is keep dividing light oh by two you keep dividing light by two and you'll ultimately get back to the audible sound of it because ah dude hey oh but no yeah see dude i don't know what it takes to be like joe rogan uber successful like for interviewing people i could never do it like theo vaughn killing it i don't care how you eat because you either have to sit across from somebody like this or you have to sit across with somebody who's telling you something that actually makes sense and then you're like but i'm i just want to think of what is going on in my head. You know? It's so... There was a relationship between light and color,

sound and tone, matter and shape. Like you can turn color back and of it. Matter and shape. Then he says, one of the most interesting conversations I've ever had with the great and powerful Terrence Howard. It's a wild one, and I'm sure there's going to be a lot of mixed reviews.

But as crazy as some of the things this man is saying are, he's clearly brilliant and he was right. Wow, okay, so wow. And if he's right, it's going to change the world. So he thinks he's brilliant? Jesus Christ. Well, fucking I'm an idiot. I mean, Rogan's smart.

For sure. My personality that is just immune to bullshit, bullshit hits me i'm go oh i know what this is you'll see that's a fucking hard cut dude um i don't know you know i you get so big where maybe you have to just like be like yeah this was great i mean i'm sure look it was definitely interesting but wow that's unbelievable. Divide light. You know what you divide? Two.

The Iranian president died in a helicopter crash. I don't know, man. Is that good or bad? It's bad. Dying is always bad, but it's like, does it help America? I don't know. I don't want to interview anyone about it. That's what I think about.

It's like, I don't know. I guess I'm a bit of a nihilist, but it's like, dude, I see Theo Vaughn interviewing like a guy and I don't, I mean, his podcast is so successful. And then I'm just like, I don't want, I don't want to interview that guy. And I don't want to, um, how do you have a conversation with somebody for fucking two hours about that is the thing I would ask Rogan about, like, how do you, a conversation with somebody for fucking two hours about that is the thing. I would ask Rogan about like, how do you, I was like, if you had all the money in the world, would you still do the podcast? And he said, I think I would still do it, but I would just wouldn't do it as much. And I was like,

really? He's like, yeah, because I love having conversations with people. Really? He's like, yeah, because I love having conversations with people. And I'm like, I guess that's where we're different. I mean, I like to have conversations with people, but not about big issues. I want to talk to them about why they like the pants they're wearing. And that stuff does, you know, I'm a niche audience, you know? That stuff does, you know, I'm a niche audience, you know? Like there's no, nobody's going to, I'm never going to make, you know,

$200 million on Spotify because I want to talk about, you know, how much bacon you eat. And it's just like, that's fine, I guess. What is Borg drinking and why is it a dangerous trend borg blah uh excuse me blackout rage gallon refers to a concoction often prepared in a gallon-sized plastic jug jug it typically contains vodka or well we know ice dangerous or other distilled alcohol water a flavor enhancer an electrolyte powder or drink okay well we know ice dangerous because all that stuff right dude so unappetizing a borg if you haven't been to a party lately and if you've been to a party and hadn't seen someone

drinking a borg you're likely not partying with college students uh and if you have no idea what that sentence even means, you're probably not a member of Generation Z. Hmm. The acronym B.O.R.G. stands for Blackout Rage Gallon. Dude! Who are the B.O.R.G.s? Gimme! According to the National Capital Poison Center, the term refers to a concoction often prepared in a gallon-sized plastic jug that typically contains vodka or other yeah i already

read that part okay okay um outside day party oh come on a flavor enhancer and electrolyte powder electrolyte powder or drink borgs are often drunk at outside day parties, otherwise known as darties. Dude, day party is fine. You know? Darties. God. The new version of Jungle Juice. I don't know what jungle juice is that sounds racist

though they can't call it that now they gotta go on board there's so much alcohol in a borg that drinking one can lead to potentially life-threatening consumption and alcohol poisoning shit um the large batch drink is the new version of jungle juice according to sabrina grimaldi the creator of it well you know grimaldi's racist because that's what she yeah yeah you say jungle juice you're so so racist you're so racist if your last name was grimaldi you know that's because of them that's how they are um oh god the look at this fucking sentence. The creator and editor-in-chief of online lifestyle magazine,

The Zillennial Zine. The publication targets the micro-generation between millennials and Gen Z. Hey, buy. Burn it. Hey. That's me throwing it away on my laptop. That's me throwing it away on my laptop. That's me throwing it away, making sure it's thrown away on my laptop. The Zillennial Zine.

Instead of making a party-sized mixed drink in a huge five-gallon drink dispenser, a giant storage tub, or even the grossest trend, which was making jungle juice in a sink or bathtub. Ew, dude. You know people wash their assholes in it? That's, which was making jungle juice in a sink or bathtub. Ew, dude. You know, people wash their assholes in it. That's why it's called jungle juice. Everyone has their own personal drink. At least that's a lot cleaner. It's intended to get you extremely drunk.

Man, I guess I got to go to more Darties. Dude, I got to have my wife. My wife and I are going to have a Darty at the house. Yo, what are you doing? My wife and I, we're having a Darty. Send out an Evite. Send out a Devite. What's a Darty?

A day party, you fucking loser. Send out a Devite. what's up with this uh king charles portrait that was red as shit sup hey why is this so red aren't we trying to combat the uh idea that he's evil? It's rad. But it's not that bad. You know what? Honestly, who cares, right? It is weird. Looks like it was made from tomato sauce, right?

And I got to be honest, it's a fucking awesome portrait. It really is really. If someone did that to me, I'd be like, oh, man, dude. Okay, I'm a villain. I'll be a villain then. Is bathed in symbolism. No shit, you know? The New York Times says, is bathed in symbolism. You know shit, it's all red.

He's a devil. Happy birthday, Wyatt. May 25th. Rip from Jack. R.I.P.? May 25th. R.p may 25 rip what's that oh may 25th happy birthday wyatt may 25 rip from jack go to holler dot baby slash crystalia if you want to purchase a shout out you know um write that a little bit more clearer Jack

and you know and us maybe oh guys if you don't see Lifeline my other podcast you got to go look at it it's really fun and really good and also we got the Lifeline live that we did which was awesome I'm going to be in Chattanooga I'm going to be in Charleston West Virginia Irvine'm going to be in Charleston, West Virginia, Irvine, California, Des Moines, Green Bay, and then Australia, my Australian run, and then Oxnard, California, chriscalea.com. That's it for the episode.

If you want to check out the rest of the episode, go to patreon.com slash chriscalea. And you can also go to the, if you sign up for the Patreon, you can get the extra episode that we do every month. There's like 40 of them now on there or something. So go check them out. It's just six bucks and you can watch all 40 fantastic hours that you cannot access unless you're on the Patreon. So thanks very much, guys. you