Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 384. Frank Jansen

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

😮 Get a shoutout on this show at holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week we've got Caitlin v Angel, a convicted Trump, Fauci hearings, Godzilla, and Chris turns into a guy named Frank. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys and welcome to another episode of congratulations wow man i mean just what i did on the computer is just insane i'm trying to was trying to pull something up and what I wrote was just completely wrong. And it's all good. Australia's on sale. Go to chrisleya.com. I'm going to be in Des Moines next, or soon, Green Bay, like in two days. So go get your tickets.

And Oxnard, August 30th, Oxnard, California. Dude, I was just in Irvine and that was so fun. And I went, I was in Irvine. They asked me to do the date recently and I was like, I wasn't sure if it was

going to sell out because of that. I was like, somebody canceled and they just asked me and they were like, no, we just never booked it. And I was and i was like oh wow so we sold it out yay dude we did it quickly yay irvine's awesome dude i love irvine part of me wants to live there but i won't i won't ever live there you ever think about how it is like knowing about something like that like knowing something in your life that you'll never do. And that's just going to be your life.

There's not enough time in the world to live everywhere in the world, you know, as they say. And I can't live everywhere in the world and that's fine. And like, for instance, Singapore, am I ever going to go there? I don't know. Is it going to exist the whole time for me and I never go? I don't know. maybe who knows or maybe i'll go to singapore maybe i'll do a there's a club out there apparently somebody was that's why it's on my mind somebody was asking me if i wanted to do it and i was like this club in singapore i didn't know there was a market out there but there's a market out there um i am 44 i saw a wrinkle on my neck that looks absolutely like, makes me look like I'm 54.

Dude, it's so great. So it looks like I have two mouths. So, and it's when I sit a certain way. So I don't see myself sitting a certain way. So usually, so that's fine. But I was doing it and I opened up my phone and I was going to take a picture or something and it was front facing and I saw two mouths.

So there we go. And that's fine, but I was doing it, and I opened up my phone, and I was going to take a picture or something, and it was front-facing, and I saw two mouths. So there we go, and it's fine, but I realized, and actually right after that, I saw a guy doing calisthenics that was 72 and felt super depressed. So calisthenics, yeah, he was 72 and doing a bunch of calisthenics. And I'm like, man, am I going to be like that? I wanted to do – I think calisthenics are so cool. I want to do them, but it's so hard. Also, I have like a bunch of different – my shoulder is the thing that hurts so bad. I can't even believe right now my shoulder.

And it's just because I reached behind the passenger seat in my car. And I needed to grab something because Calvinvin was screaming and i was like all right no not screaming i shouldn't say that he wasn't screaming but he was like i want that i want that that can you get that and i went to go get it boom shoulder dunzo now gonna live with it for the rest of my life all good and now it hurts so bad and and it's fine when i'm just chilling but the other day no last night dude sometimes i default and I say the other day and I mean to say last night or yesterday or two days ago. I guess two days ago is the other day, but this was last night. I was going to bed.

We started watching that show. Oh, by the way, I found out the key to going to bed if you're binge watching something. And I knew about this the whole time. I just it finally took form in my head this week if you're watching a show and it's so dope and you don't want to go to bed and then they keep showing the next one oh no oh no oh no stop the show in the middle of an episode and go to bed. Ah, he's deep in the beans.

But it's true, though. That's all you got to do. And do it in the boring part. Yes, dude. Do it in a scene where two women are talking. Yes. Yes, dude. So anyway, I went to go.

We were watching that show, Eric. It's's good and i'm in the middle of it and we're it's like a six episode limited series on netflix and uh we went to bed it was the fourth episode and she was like i'm gonna go to bed next step i'm gonna go to bed and i was like oh come on fourth to go to bed next episode. I'm going to go to bed. And I was like, oh, come on. Fourth episode, cliffhanger. Dude, she rolled it into the fifth one. Did I win? I win. So now I'm winning. I'm sitting with my bride watching the fifth one.

I get tired. I'm like, yo, it's the middle of that episode. Let's just stop it and go to bed. We'll watch it in bed. We go upstairs to turn on the show in the middle of the episode. And I fucking slipped so hard, dude. I turned it on, and the volume was so loud that I thought we were under attack.

And then I went to rush to get the remote control, slipped, tried to brace myself, shoulder gave out. Yes, dude. And let me tell you something right now. The way it hurt i would have rather had somebody you know what honestly i would have rather had somebody ram a rod up my butt the whole like very fast like just just once that's how much you hurt? Couldn't believe it. I let out, and I'm not, you know, I would say I'm, you know, 100% or 99% heterosexual. So like, and I know it hurt, a rod ramming up there.

But I mean, dude, I tried to brace myself. Dude, it hurt so bad. I let out the, I go, like that, right? And then, you know, Kristen came over and she's like, are you okay? And dude, you know, we got in an argument once, not really an argument, but kind of like a tiff, where she said once, wait, was it her? Or was it my brother? No, it was her.

Let me check my anger levels. It was her. And so, can't really remember what happened, but let me check my anger levels it was her and so um can't really remember what happened but let me check my anger levels her so um let me feel how i felt back then her so um yeah was it my brother was it was it her or someone else well let's see i had to do something else let me check my anger levels her so anyway um so wow i i actually don't even know what i was going to talk about right now at this point wow dude because i did a stupid dumb fucking thing with my finger and now i can't remember what the hell it was about hold on i remember i'll remember i'll remember i'll remember

hold on one second hold on hold on uh we got a tiff about... Oh, got it. Yes, got it back, dude. That's that magic mind working. So I got... And he forgets it again. And it escaped him once again. Amazing, dude. And he got it back thanks to Magic Mind. So here we go.

Took a Magic Mind last night and today. Got it back. He's going to forget it again, so let's do it now. Wait, did he forget it again? Did he forget it again? Did he forget it again? It's going. It's going.

I got it. Yes, I got it again. All right, dude. This is what it is. All right, so this is what it is. Pain, pain. It has to do with pain. It has to do with getting hurt. Okay, so when somebody bonks their head or something, you know,

don't come up to me immediately and ask me if I'm okay. I finally said it, so now I'm not going to forget it, okay? So don't come up to me and ask me if I'm okay. I finally said it. So now I'm not going to forget it. Okay. So don't come up to me and ask me if I'm okay. Immediately. It makes me angry. All right. I don't want to have to answer you if I'm writhing in pain, chill, wait till I make a movement or two then be like, how bad is it? Is everything okay? Do you need anything? Perfect. Dude dude i implement that with other people now that's one of those things there's a whole reason why i don't like the golden rule because they say do unto others as you want done to yourself how do you know what i want how do you know how i want to be respected how do you know you know like i don't care if someone talks about my if someone asks me my pronouns maybe you do so if you come up to me and ask me hey

what pronouns should i use for you i'm gonna go like this i'm gonna i'm honestly i'm gonna go like this i don't want that dude don't come up to me and ask me my pronouns to me i'm a dude another day another victory for the og another day another victory for the og literally literally don't don't know how that got on my soundboard meant to hit brother anyway um so i implement that in my life because i thought the golden rule was a thing but whatever it's not um it shouldn't there's something called like the platinum rule do that one ask people how they want to be treated and then treat them that way I guess but um Kirsten like fell or something I don't remember uh and I didn't say anything but I just sat there with her

and I like gave her space and I was just chilling and then she was like later on she was like why didn't you even ask me if I was okay and I was like oh I thought it was just I thought that would have been annoying it would have been annoying if it happened to me and she's like no don't you care and I was like yeah obviously

dude and so that so I slipped last night and hurt my shoulder and she kept she asked me four times if i was okay while i was writhing in pain and i i let it i it was okay because the pain was so hard that i was like whatever doesn't matter she doesn't understand what she's doing at this point i told her about this but it's okay because this is very shocking and the noise that I made is very shocking and I'm not a pussy but I made that noise and then it hurt so bad and then I got in bed and I was like you know what dude

I'm in the middle of the episode of Eric maybe I actually don't have to watch it because it's not a cliffhanger and we did in the middle of episode and that's how i freaking learned that and i'm badass for that and i and i'm badass for that dude and if it takes in a shoulder injury to learn how to not get caught up with binging tv that you're gonna forget about by the way in four in two months anyway like dude how about these shows that come out? And then you're just like, oh, yeah. Remember? Remember that was a life suck for three nights? Oh, what the where? I don't think about it's a time waste, but whatever.

Anytime that you is spent enjoying yourself, you should not worry about it. Whatever that John Lennon's quote um time well spent is not wasted time well you know whatever it is but anyway um I I um I got a new bit I'm happy about yes dude when I got a lot of clips I was doing I did this

I got some clips that I'm going to post on my Instagram hey hey how about that dude my uh wait what the frick podcast my um my I do this thing with Calvin where if he says something silly or does something silly I go like this I go okay like I look to the side And I go like this And I'm sure I look really ugly when I do I haven't looked at myself But um He thinks it's so funny alright

He thinks it's so funny when he does something Sometimes he does something so I'll just go like this Okay Whatever it's a dad thing it's It's a stupid thing I get it Sometimes I'm liberal with it. You know what I mean?

I get there and he's not necessarily doing something crazy. And then I'll just go, because I want to see him laugh. And he'll laugh and then he'll start doing something silly. So this face that I do, this one, is a lot in my life now because of my son is four and a few months. And I like making him laugh. son is four, four and a few months. And I like making him laugh. So the other day he's brushing his teeth and he's doing it like outside of his teeth, not touching his teeth. And I said, brush your teeth. And he's, then he's brushing his chin and I'm like, buddy. And then, and then he's doing it. And I go, and I go, I do the thing. I go, and he laughed so hard. Okay. He laughed so hard. And

I keep doing it. He laughed so hard. And then he stops laughing a little bit because it's over, right? You're laughing and then you're done laughing. But he's still smiling hard. So it's like he's still in that laugh mode but not laughing. If I did it again, he would fall out again, right? So he says, who is that guy? And I said, who's what guy? And he said, who is that guy when you make your face? Who is that guy? And I was like, the guy that I'm doing? Who's the guy? And he said, yeah.

And I said, well, I don't know. It's just a face I make. But if you want to name the guy, you can name the guy who does that. You want to be a guy and he said yeah I said okay you can pick any name you want what's his name and he looked at me and he said Frank Jansen dude first and last name just rolled off the tongue Frank Jansen. And I have written, I have, I have written, how many screenplays have I written with how many characters in it? I don't know. You know, I've written a few screenplays. A lot of characters are in them. You know, I don't really write screenplays anymore. I don't, but yeah, I sold some, nothing was gotten, it got me. I've never thought of a better name for a character than Frank Jansen. I don't know how he did it.

He killed it. And I laughed so hard when he said Frank Jansen that he started laughing so hard because I was laughing hard. Okay? And I was like, Frank Jansen. And he says, what? And I said, that's hilarious. He says, why? Who is that?

And I said, I don't know. You made him up. And we were laughing so hard. It was so great, dude. So now my son comes. Will you be Frank Jansen? Like, so insane, you know? Just so.

Dude, kids are hilarious. They're so funny, man. And they're all like that. they're all like that they're all crazy and silly um i was watching uh on on the um uh uh the one of the i think it was netflix it was like the tiktok cult where they just start dancing and then some guys like hey i'll be your manager and then it became like some sort of culty kind of thing at least that's what they're saying i don't know but then the people in it are right now still they got like millions of followers and they do those stupid dances on tiktok and it's like they're just still in it, and they give them 10% or something,

and then also it's a religion, or he's a pastor or something. So also you give, what is it, tithing, is that what they call it, with money for the religion? And they're like, you should give like 30%. So these people are taking home like 10% of their profit, which is just stupid moves business-wise for them. And it's like, why does everyone want to label something a cult? Now, I don't know what the inner workings of this thing is. And I don't know what they're doing.

what they're doing but the guy at the um that's the that's the head of the thing is first of all when you look at like a cult leader they're supposed to be uh charismatic you want to follow them this guy looks like a guy that is like that honestly works at Kinko's still. All right. I don't know that out of business. Right. But he's still like, he just looks like the most regular dude. I think he's maybe Asian and white or something. I don't know.

But he's like, Hey, I'm starting a management company. I'm going to take 10% do these dance videos. And these are the videos you should do. And they're like, okay, we'll do it. And then make some money on Tik TOK and they get brand deals. And then he makes 10% of it. And then they're like, yeah, well, and they make some money on tiktok and they get brand deals and then he makes 10 of it and then they're like yeah well you know we don't like his practices and then way way later on in the episode they're like oh yeah he also like uh sexually like was

weird with me and then they're like oh really how and nobody says how and then they're like okay hey start it with that though you know say that, say that from jump. Don't be like, hey, yeah, he was my manager. This is a cult, yada, yada. And then episode five dropped the whole, oh, yeah, I think you looked at me weird thing. Okay, don't do that. All right. Now, I don't know what happened in that thing at all. It could have been crazy.

It could have not been crazy. But there's still people in the cult. And, dude, it is so crazy because if it is a cult, the people in it are like, oh, here's the thing that's actually fucked up. Now I remember. This is the thing that made it a cult, I feel like. They won't, they won't, one of the hallmarks of a cult is that they won't let the people in it talk to the outside world, which is which is crazy, dude.

It's crazy to not want somebody to talk to the outside world, and then it's but then you go like this, but hey, person that they're saying that to talk to the outside world though. Say no.

Open the door. Walk out. You can't, right? I don't know. People act like, yeah, it's weird, bro. I don't know. People act like, like, yeah, it's weird, bro. I don't know.

I don't know. I think I, sometimes they do these fucking things and they try to sensationalize stuff. I have no idea, but that, I mean, I'm watching the thing and I'm like,

all right, fucking this is just like another one because they're so successful. Those, those, those, those mini series is things. And it's like, all right, how many times are they making it? And then it's like, if they're so successful, those miniseries things. And it's like, all right, how many times are they making it? And then it's like, if they're that successful, then they're trying to make them.

And then pretty soon there's going to be like the cult of Crate and Barrel. And it's like, yeah, okay, but what happened? I quit and they yelled at me. All right. They yelled at me. All right. But it was so funny because the video, the show would be like, you know, he wouldn't let us talk to our family.

And if we did, he'd yell at us. And it was like this really somber music. And then it would be like, and then we're cut to them doing one of those jerky TikTok dances. And it'd be like, cause that's all they did. Dude, I don't, the TikTok dancing is so, I mean, it's so stupid. Like, let's just be real. It's so tremendously stupid and it's so cringy.

And now it's just ubiquitous and now it's not even cringy anymore i find myself sometimes seeing it and being like oh yeah this is a cool song and i'm like oh wait i have to remember this sucks but who am i to say i don't know who am I to say? I don't know. Who am I to fucking say? I better ask Frank Jansen. I, I was driving back from my parents' house with my kids and wife

and, yeah. and i was i was in on the freeway and i just turned to the right like i was in the passenger seat she was driving i ain't no bitch but that's what was happening i turned to the right there's this is a little bitchy to be sitting in the passenger seat, huh? Like no matter what, it's a little bitchy. You can't really. Some of you are in it right now listening to this. It's bitchy, right? I mean, it's fine. Maybe I believe in the patriarch, you know. But I'm like, it's fine because if a man's driving

and a woman is in the passenger seat, that's fine, okay? woman is in the passenger seat, that's fine. Okay. If a woman is in the passenger seat and a woman is in the driver's seat, that's fine. Okay. Let's break them down. Let's break down the levels. The next one that everyone would say is, I don't know which one's worse. I think I know the worst one. Okay. The next one that's bad is a woman's driving and then the man is in the passenger seat. I can see how some people think it's bitch. This is the biggest bitch one. A man is driving and a man is in the passenger seat. Dude, there's a pecking order there.

And you know if one of the guys enters the other guy, it's going to be the guy driving is going to enter the guy in the passenger seat. So that's all I'm saying, okay? And that's fine, but that's how it's looked at. And I don't even know if I'm part of the patriarchy, but I'm saying that's how it's looked like. So I was in the passenger seat. My wife was driving. The kids were in the back.

It's her car, you know, even though they're all mine. And I turned to the right, you know, even though they're all mine. And I turned to the right and I am sitting sideways, sideways all in the days. And my back is to my wife. Okay. And I don't know why I do this, but I'm doing this and I'm looking out the window and I say to my wife, yo, have you ever sat like this? This is fucking dope. You're like looking out the window and it's whizzing by you, but like, it's pretty chill. You can find a good way to, like I was sitting Indian style. I was like, the only thing is I I've never sat like this in my life. And she said, really? I said, yeah, because it's rude, you know, because it's real rude because I'm looking out the

window, which is not the rude part. The rude part is my back is to you you so it's a real fuck you to the driver and as i'm doing this i'm like it's so funny i say i bet i look funny as i'm driving and other people and this dude passes me and he looks over at me dude and i'm so close to him you know i mean i'm like two feet away from him because we're in the just a different lane and he's driving and he looks like this and he goes oh my gosh because i'm facing him straight up like squared off to him and he starts laughing okay and then the wife in the car because he's no bitch right he's driving and the wife is driving and i'm the bitch because my wife is driving but the wife looks at me and she's like oh my gosh and she's pointing and they're laughing at and and I'm like, oh fuck man. I felt kind of embarrassed.

But then I'm like, dude, they probably fucking are like, hey, it's that guy from that thing. Why is he sitting sideways in an Audi RS Q8 and his wife is driving? So I'm just like, dude, if you're that guy and you're listening, sorry. if you're that guy and you're listening sorry but sit sideways and do that because it's pretty cool it is nice to see the the the the the the streets go by yeah the the uh trees and stuff go by sitting sideways all in the days sitting sideways all in the days sitting sideways all in the days dude so bad and so i mean the songs dope but i do it bad but oh so i watch godzilla or as japanese people would call it in japanese movies that are godzilla godzilla and i watched godzilla minus one yes and i'll tell you what man I've been wanting to watch that

so bad and dude, I've been wanting to watch it so bad. Why? Because Asians make top notch movies. He said it. He said it. Asians make top-notch movies. The only culture that gives them a run for their money making movies or whatever culture it is that are so white with blonde hair, it could be Sweden or Denmark or like Germans. Dude, and I don't – I watched Godzilla minus one and dude, I'm watching it. I started it and for the first time ever, Godzilla is, for the first time, Godzilla's finally scary,

for the first time. He walks over hunched and all that, and it's a hero's journey. This dude, this kamikaze pilot, fails, didn't do the kamikaze thing, instead landed. And they were like, what are you doing? He's like, yeah, my plane didn't really work right. And he was like, well, it really looks fine.

And you realize that this guy's a P-O-S-S-Y, okay? And so the whole journey is now he's shamed. People are like, that's the guy. We lost the war. He's part of the reason. And he's got to get back up on his feet and prove he's worth something oh man and let me tell you when i cried and let me tell you this though dude okay i'm watching the movie and guess what the first scene happens godzilla is in it it's amazing and then it gets immediately boring for about 30 minutes and i get it they're trying to develop the characters and okay but i go hmm do i like Godzilla is in it. It's amazing. And then it gets immediately boring for about 30 minutes. And I

get it. They're trying to develop the characters. And okay. But I go, hmm, do I like this movie? Or is this going to be one of those movies that I think I'm pretty pissed off about how boring it is? Now, I like boring movies. I love boring movies. Boring movies are some of my favorite movies, but not if it's going to be Godzilla. If it's going to be Godzilla, put Godzilla in it all the time. Okay. So I'm like, if you made a boring movie and it's about Godzilla, I get pissed. So right now, halfway through the movie, I'm like, is this called Godzilla minus one because it's minus one action scene and there should be more? Okay? And I'm upset.

And I go, come on, dude. Then they really ramp it up. And Godzilla's in it so much. Right? And he just keeps on being in it. And it's so good. And it's a hero's journey. And the kamikaze pilot finally gets the courage to do what he needs to do. And I go, oh my God, by the end of

the movie, I'm crying. Kristen looks over and I'm no bitch. But now that I think about it, it was the same day that she drove me in the car. And dude, she laughed at me a little bit and I don't care. I own it, dude. I cried. And it was a good, good movie. And I watched it finally. And I paid for it. I paid for it because I was trying to watch the movie. Uh, and I couldn't, and it wasn't, I even have this app called just watch and you go on it and you could see where you can watch it. And it gives you all sorts of like, you don't absolutely know about it. You're like, like oh they have this on tinder you can watch the whole movie and it'll tell you where to watch it and um and i and i and i looked it up and it wasn't on anything so i thought the movie was just gonna be in japanese theaters and then some american theaters and that's it forever and then it came up on the itunes or whatever they call it

now the movies of an apple i bought it fifty dollars i go like this oh they want me to rent it for 4.99 or buy it for $50? Buy it for $50, buy it for $50. And the next day, it came out on the Netflix. Waste of money, but I'm fine with it. But it's a hero's journey, but you should watch it, dude. It's crazy. I love it.

I loved it. Japanese people really kill it. Asian people kill it with the movies. I love that Japanese people really kill it Asian people kill it with the movies It's crazy how much acting Japanese Is Acting in Japanese is so I mean dude

Never mind It's like alright Chris You know They just Yeah The words don't match up with the emotion that they're doing It's like, all right, Chris, you know. They just, they always, yeah. The words don't match up with the emotion that they're doing because they're always like,

and it's just like, I'll have cake. Alas, it is what it is. Thinking about the ugly neck wrinkle I got. That's good. You know? Yeah, man. Trump's convicted, and guess what? Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter at all, right? What's that mean? Oh, I don't know. Do your day. All good. Just do your day. Yeah, you're going to go to the mall tomorrow hey hey he's convicted hey what are you gonna do oh okay oh yeah yeah yeah yeah go to the park still all right hey go to grocery store

still gotta get turkey okay it's not gonna matter he's not gonna go to jail and it's i don't you know i don't know man it's like what what is he and do he raise 53 million dollars in like 48 hours just cause what you know the second you uh villainize somebody that's when it's just the other side it just goes nope and they give you 53 million dollars crazy everyone's crazy it's not one side it It's everyone. Everyone's crazy. Dude, I love the Fauci trial thing. It's so funny. It's so funny because, dude, Dr. Fauci just seems like some guy, you know? He just seems like a guy, right? That you'd see at a Barnes and and noble right at the starbucks and barnes and noble you'd be like oh yeah i forgot they have starbucks and barnes noble and the old guys in front of me

before and he just gets it and he gets regular coffee and he's just looking at books and you see him a little bit later and you're like oh yeah okay that's who dr farty looks like okay and he's just they're like grilling him they're grilling him on the stand because they think there's there's an accusation that he made $710 million. There's an accusation that he made $710 million from COVID from the vaccines. And he didn't you know and look dude i am all for taking these uh liberals taking a stand against these liberals and just crashing them into the ground but dude dr fauci didn't get 710 million dollars and i am i and he's just on on the stand and he's like

i didn't get it and they're like well where did it go and he's just like the stand and he's like, I didn't get it. And they're like, well, where did it go? And he's just like, I don't know where it went. If, if, you know, they're like, well, should scientists get kicked back and money like that? If you, if, if, uh, if, if they're part of the science and helping and seeing if, if the vaccine works, should they get kicked back? And he's like, I'm not the people who says they should get kickbacks or not. And they're like, well, Fauci got a lot of explaining to do.

And he's just like, I'm just a guy that will be at the Starbucks and Barnes and Noble. Dude, it's so funny because he just couldn't seem more like some guy. Like, look, I'm not saying, I have no idea about what's happening in that world. I don't.

I couldn't know less. So don't come at me with the, oh, Chris, dude, do your research. You got to see. I don't know. And guess what, dude? I don't really care. Okay? I don't know.

And if he's got $710 million, do I think it's wrong? Guess what? I don't really care okay i don't know and if he's got 700 10 million dollars do i think it's wrong guess what i don't know because if it's not him it's someone else it's like corruption is corruption there's going to be a certain level of corruption around the government no matter what dude no matter what no matter who's in it it doesn't matter it's gonna be corrupt in some sort of way biden lied people died or you know i don't know so it's like so it's like god i could just feel the people just turning off the podcast i don't care dude and we're already limited here we're there's no way we're gonna we're gonna have to sign in to get in yay we're gonna have another low episode number but my point is how i imagine someone innocent acts is

dude fauci is doing it to a t and it's so funny to me because he's just like i i don't know i i can't speak to that was science involved involved? Was science involved in being sick? I love this six foot rule too. It's like, you got to be six feet away. And he was probably just like, you know, the CDC said it. And then he was like, you got to be six feet away for the COVID. And then he read it from the CDC and he was like, yeah, you got to be six feet away. I guess that would probably help because of the virus wouldn't get to you to you if you're six feet away it's better than one feet away and

she's like so yeah so cool and then they're like did you say it was six feet away and he was like well yeah that's what the CDC said and they're like was that based in science and he's like I mean it's not based in science and where they were doing clinical trials on it but six feet is six feet dude hey like it's so it's so funny the way they're doing it so it's not science if someone's sick around me go away is that science and look i want to smash these liberals into oblivion but if someone's sick go away is that science i don't know go away hey now i want to smash liberals just like the next one but what the and i don't mean all liberals i mean the the way, way, way, way, way left. Yeah, sure. But do I want to smash the way, way, way, way, way right?

You got to be in the middle. All right? If you're not in the middle, you're a lunatic, bro. Hey. Hey. I'm in the Illuminati. Okay. Um.

Ah. Bro, I do want to talk about this, actually. That silly thing about the Raiders owner, when they were saying that he got this 25-year-old pregnant and he didn't. The chick's like, it's not his. And also, no. He looks like he gets his haircut, put a bowl on his fucking head and gets it trimmed. Dude. Mark Davis, the Raiders.

Let me tell you something. If that dude, what is he worth, like $2 billion? If that dude was smashing that chick, like, I'm just, how do you, he's 68, okay? The haircut is, there's people who are unfortunate looking, and that's fine. and then there's people that are, they're not good looking or bad looking. They're just kind of a person, right? And they don't do themselves any favors. And that's just what he's doing. The haircut is

un-fucking-believable. You got to Google this guy if you don't know who I'm talking about. Mark Davis, the owner of the Raiders. Like, I want to say he's ugly, but he's not. It's really just the hair. Do yourself a favor.

Shave it. I bet if he had different hair he'd just be a guy the hair is crazy dude and so i'm like i see this that he's like you know they're trying to say they're trying to say that like he got this 25 year old woman pregnant here right here they said reynolds over Mark Davis' child. And it's just not true, but people still said it happened, and so did Newsweek and all this. This is so stupid, and then everyone believed it, and everyone's like, whoa.

Yeah, 26 years old. And Davis is a 69. She's a Cirque du Soleil dancer. Wow. Bro, money is crazy, you know? Good for you if it's true. If it's not, who cares, you know? But good, good, good.

I just like the haircut. It's like, what? You have no friends. Or, you, what? You have no friends. Or, you know what? Here's the thing. If you have that haircut, I want to always hear about that haircut. In press conferences. Is there any footage of Mark Davis talking about his hair?

That's crazy. That's pretty funny, though. Maybe he's trolling. If he's trolling, it's funny. But he's not trolling, you know? I don't know. This guy. This guy. Come on.

It's Friday. We've made it. It's the end of the week. We've drafted out. And, of course of the week. We've drafted hard. And of course, I'm starting my Friday the right way in the best cap in East London, Dino's cap. And look what I've got today. I mean, bro, did Guy Ritchie shoot this?

This is unbelievable. This guy is so British. And look what we've got today. Now, my lovely wife, Sinead. Sinead is his wife my lovely wife Sinead making this for breakfast and it's my favourite an earlier thing those cats said to me

Tom bro how is this a real way of talking this is kind of awesome though I'm going to put it on the menu you love it so much I'm going to make it better than your wife's and here it is my first day with the taters with the chorizo I mean so gravelly I'm not a flex I'm not a flex

and I'll never look when I pour the Tabasco sauce on my mail cause I'm the absolute governor. Just has no idea how the political system works. Now, guys, today is Friday. Bro, that's hilarious. It is the weekend tomorrow. Hold on.

You know me. I'll never look when I pour my Tabasco sauce because I'm the absolute governor. Now, guys, today is Friday. It is the weekend tomorrow. My twins are turning one tomorrow and I can't believe a year's gone past so fast. Hey, man, eat the eggs, dude. Talking about his twins now.

Dude, didn't even need it You know? Abash at the end Abash Abash Who's the guy that goes Yes! Is he on TikTok? Or is it Instagram?

The guy who's the chef You gotta have a thing, I guess, you know? So people can who's the chef and he you gotta have a thing I guess you know so people can like coin the phrases and shit but this guy is a chef and just makes stuff and at that last

possible second of his videos he just goes yes and then it cuts so quick and it's like so off putting you have it what you laugh at the guy Like, so off-putting.

You have it? What, you're laughing at the guy? Oh, you're laughing at someone else. Okay, but the worst producer of all time. Are you looking it up? He's looking at his computer laughing at something else. You know? You're trying to find it.

It got side-railed so hard. Oh, shit. It's hilarious. Look at this horse. You know? Ben Jinji? You're putting it on the thing right now? Okay.

I'm ready to have it. Here it is. Ben Jinji, you know? Sounds so Japanese, but he's not. Here we go. This guy, bro. Just anyone? Should I pick anyone?

Do they all do it? Okay. This is a thing. Okay, it's a good test. Just picking one. Let's make public paneer with garlic, man. Power, yeast, salt, sugar, yogurt, oil, water. Let it rise. This is crazy. I mean mean how many cuts you know

six thousand cuts in one minute biggest block of paneer cut it into cubes who's that guy the one with the other guy in it the kid in it you like the technique it takes so long you know yeah wow he did it with him and i'll tell you too uh uh cooking i i it it takes too long dude you know and people do it like my dad does it my my my my wife does it you know i don't know if she loves it but like she likes i'm just like dude it just takes too long man here's another one this is the one with this what is this cotton what is this uh fudge no i can't have this in it because of the thing. Of course, if you don't cook to this song, you ain't shit. Ew.

Ew, brother. Ew. What is this, bread? Patting it. Patting the bread. You know, cutting all. Who's that?

Wow. This guy. It's so... It takes so long. Watch the end. Last split second. Don't blink. Looks pretty good.

I mean, just... Did he just say come? Looks pretty good. Come. Yes! I mean, just... Did he just say come? Come. Yes! That's funny, dude. Why are there... Food free, kosher for Passover, chocolate...

I don't know. There's too many... I don't like it when it's more than just him. I like it when it's just him. Okay, that looks so fucking good, but that's just cereal. All right, I'm done with this guy. He goes yes at the end, and it's funny. Come on. oh come on wants to know if you'll follow him back i'll block hey some guy texted you he wants to know

if you'll follow him back i'll block him if you want you don't need to block him love i trust you he's a new guy at work i know but what i do need you to know. Oh, dude, this guy watches the bear so much. Is that I'm infatuated. Oh. I'm obsessed. I'm captivated by you. Oh. I want every ounce of your soul to blend with mine.

Dude. I don't even... Like's reading this book, these books that it's a court of what is it? You know, these fucking books that all these women are reading now, the court of, and it's like, it's, they're not sex books, but like, there's one scene in it where like they, they, they find their lover and they're like, oh my God. And then he ate, you know, he was at my entrance and he ate me. And you're just like, oh my God, what the fuck? And, and it's like, uh, and, and, and she, and she and i'm like dude could you imagine if i said that to you and she was like oh my god it would be hilarious and i'm like yeah so you don't like the book you know and she said no i love the book and i you love that scene she's like yeah

i'm like if anyone did that to you in real life you you would laugh and she said no it depends on the person's vibe and what our vibe was and I go insecure okay that's weird though that if some guy said I'll eat your entrance to you you know that maybe hey let me play around with your baboon rudder like in a real like

nice sexual sweet way you know hello darling let me play around with your baboon rudder. You know what I mean? And you're just... You like it? Yo, okay, all right. This is the Caitlyn Clark thing.

So I guess... This woman... This college girl, or I guess this is college, or is this WNBA? WNBA, okay. Angel Reese and Kaitlyn Clark have a thing. They've got a

saga. And they're rookies. They're rookies in WNBA which doesn't matter at all. But they're rookies. It's their first year and it doesn't matter. Just like it won't matter in their fifth year, and it's fine, and it doesn't matter because it's women's basketball, and it's fine.

But, you know, I'm just saying as long as it's the NBA, and WNBA doesn't matter. And so it's like, okay, it's great. No, it's good. I want there to be a WNBA because then I want the women to be able to play basketball because I love equality, but don't televise it. And it's fine, but it's just like, so, I mean, you could televise it, but it's like, you know, who's going to watch it? And it's fine, whatever.

So that's all good. And so these women hate each other because all women hate each other secretly. And so you're looking here on the, yeah, nobody wants to bring anyone down. Nobody wants to bring a woman down like another woman. So it's fine, and it's here, and you got this here so you got the angel reese and caitlin clark which they both you know they both absolutely hate each other because that's a core of their women and so it's fine it's because they both have baboon rudders and it's all good but because anyone with a brother hates another person with a baboon secretly no matter what

or not even secretly but even if they pretend like they're going like this, hi, and they think, bitch. And so it's all good, but that's how it is. And the reason why the WNBA isn't crazy successful, like the NBA, is a bunch of different reasons, but one of them is because women always want to hang out with women. So it's fine. On Saturday, June 1st, the Chicago Sky-Indiana Fever faced off in their first game of the season,

marking Reese and Clark's first match in the WNBA. But the tension was thick. They noticed in the third quarter. Here we go. This is what she's saying. I played before bumping in with Kaitlin. It seemed like she turned to you a little bit after the fever score. I didn't say no, Kaitlin.

Clark questions. Did she say anything to you? I don't know what she said. What'd you say to her? I didn't say anything. That's enough. Aidser. Aidser.

So there's that. And then there's this, though. There's this one. It all started from the national championship game, and I've been dealing with this for two years now. Okay, hold on. So it says Angel Reese says she's been dealing with this for two years now. What is she talking about dealing with two years?

About how Kaitlyn Clark's good okay whatever let's watch the rest of it started from the national championship game and i've been dealing with this for two years now and understanding like yeah negative things have probably been said about me but honestly oh we can tell where this is going. I have not seen this. This is a blind watch. She is loaded. But did you just say honestly? What was that? I could just tell that. Things have probably been said about me.

Here we go. Honestly. Yeah, dude, here we go. I'll take that because look where women's basketball is. People are talking about women's basketball. You never would think that we'd be talking about women's basketball. I guess. People are pulling up to games.

We got celebrities coming to games, sold out arenas, like just because of one single game. And just looking at that, like I'll take that role. I'll take the bad guy role, and I'll continue to take that on and be that for my teammates. And if I want to be that, and I know I'll go down in history, I'll look back in 20 years and be like, yeah, the reason why we're watching women's basketball is not just because of one

person. It's because of me, too, and I want y'all to realize that. Dude, love it. Love it. It's because of me too. David Brent. Love it. Is this The Office?

That's awesome, dude. Hell yeah, I believe it. And now I'm going to watch because of her. So take that, Rick Owen or whatever, Caitlin Clark. She really looked, they did the thing where he was walking in the, Rick Owens and Caitlin Clark,

where they, he was dressed like the same way as her. And then they did a side by side. And it's crazy. It's funny, but whatever. That's just the internet for you. There you go.

Rick Owens. wait a minute what the fuck it's weird that it's weird like once you realize somebody looks especially opposite sex once you realize somebody looks like somebody else opposite sex it's crazy different um oh what are you kidding me with this anus stickers oh hell yeah what a oh i wish i thought of this what a great idea whoa you can't tell if they're men or women I guess it's women's because they're not hairy. But, whoa. Dude, you can get anus stickers? For sure it's not American.

Oh, yeah, it's German. Okay, there we go. Yep. There we go. Of course it's German. Whoa. Ew. Oh, my God.

Some of these anuses are blown out. Brother, ew. Oh, my God. Some of these anuses are blown out. Brother, ew. Oh, my God, dude. These are just... You know what I realized? I don't know what mine looks like because it's back there. What the heck? What?

And then there's nipple... Dude, this is a company that sells anus stickers, stickers of anuses, stickers of a hole, and then you can get a 250 nipple and anus sticker best of five pack. You know? This is what these guys do with their lives. I hope they make a lot of money. 250 nipple and anus sticker, sunny. This is the brown version.

They have brown, and then they have white and brown. Oh, my. Oh, they have brown, and then they have white and brown, oh my, oh my, oh my, 100 ain't a sticker, very hairy, oh my, and then, and then there's 250, you can get, oh my god, 100 white and beauty, ah, I was saying the hairy ones are ugly, not true, White and beauty. Ah, I was saying the hairy ones are ugly. Not true. Not true. I mean, true, but white and beauty. So Nazi-ish to say it.

And, oh, groovy and doofy is the one with like silly holes. Ew. These are real, by the way. We can't show them, obviously, but. Dude, these are the. Ew, dude! These are what they're called. Wicked and Hairy Pack.

Brother, ew! Wicked and Hairy. White and black. You can get white and black. That's fine. I think that's good because equality is amazing, especially when it comes to anuses. Wow, that's weird.

They're not a sponsor to this show, but I'd love it if they were. Wow. All right. Well, there you have it, folks. Congratulations. And I'll be in Australia soon, Des Moines, Green Bay, and Oxnard. And that's it for the rest of the, that's it for this episode on YouTube.

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