Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 386. Unadulterated Excalibur Rage

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

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Hey guys, I got a date coming up here in Torrance, California. I don't even know where that is, but it's on June 30th. And then I got Australia. But check out all these new dates, dude. Wichita, Dallas, Memphis, St. Louis, New Zealand, we know about. Oxnard, California. McAllen, Texas. Beaumont, Texas.

Hopefully that link finally works. Peterborough, Ontario. London, Ontario. Duluth, Minnesota for some reason. Thunder Bay, Ontario for some reason. Lexington, Kentucky. Birmingham, Alabama. Montgomery, Alabama, October 11th.

Mobile, Alabama. And Sioux Falls, South Dakota for some reason. Get your tickets at chrisaleah.com. And this is the new episode of Congratulations. Am I actually playing that many in Alabama? That's weird. I guess, hey, well, let's see if there's a market for it. I got to admit the South is not necessarily my market. Birmingham, Montgomery, and Mobile.

Yeah, wow. Okay, three of them. But, you know, you never know i got um uh i guess i'm looking forward to going there is it gonna be hot what what what time of year is it mobile no no september or yeah um october no not hot so anyway um yeah i i i i i don't know i'm in i'm in it go to my website chrisley.com but anyway uh this is what's up and i'm having a good time i guess i've been letting my beard grow out a little bit more um and that's really important right to discuss because uh i don't know i want My hair is finally getting a little gray.

My hair hair, not my beard hair. Finally getting a little gray. And we like that. I got a little bit of grays over on this side. No, on this side. A little bit of grays over on this side. And I'm waiting for him to come in, dude, because I want my hair to match my face hair.

I don't like when the face hair doesn't match the hair hair. I don't like that. And we know that. We know that I don't like that the face hair doesn't match the hair hair. I don't like that. And we know that. We know that I don't like that. But there's a lot I can do about it. I'm not going to dye my hair. I've never dyed my hair once. I'm going to dye it all gray. I am straight up hooked. Well, I'm done

being hooked on it because I finished it. I binged it. And I watched that King of Collectibles season 2 on Netflix. And dude,

I watched season 1 and I liked it. I liked season 1. And then I turned on season 2 and I really liked that. Okay. I liked season one. And then I turned on season two and I really liked that. Dude, season two was so great. And then King Collectibles. So look, it's this thing.

It's a golden collectibles. It's the, he, he, he, man, the, the market for these, I don't understand the market at all, honestly, but I'll tell you, I'll tell you what, dude, people want things that other people had. And that's crazy. Like if you think about it, right. To pay a million dollars for Jackie Robinson's bat. Okay. I get it has historical significance, or if it's, you know, you're, you're paying for documents that, uh, uh, uh, uh, Einstein hand wrote on the theory of relativity. Okay. I get that. Right. Um, and then there's just like stuff, you know, that, that I feel like is on the fringe of it where it's like, who fricking cares? Like they, you know, they'll have like Cleopatra's hand

mummified and it's like, so much money but then it's like the drum set in the Flintstones with John Goodman who's buying it who is what sad sack is buying it now I then it's like okay so it's a business so if you can get it for the certain amount of money okay to sell it for a certain amount of money, okay. To sell it for a certain amount of money, okay. But then it's like you're doing that with people's things, and then that feels bad to me. Like if you're doing it to Babe Ruth's jersey,

and you're being this guy who buys Babe Ruth's jersey to sell Babe Ruth's jersey and if you don't love oh here there's two things about this if then you're making a buck off of Babe Ruth then it's like you're a little bit like a paparazzi kind of guy okay but then if you're just like think about a guy who wants to own Babe Ruth's jersey and gets Babe Ruth's jersey jersey and then he's like a doctor somewhere and that's fine but say he like you know writes prescriptions to people when he doesn't like necessarily need to and he's like yeah we'll give you this and that and it's like all right so there you go you take some Percocets there you go you have that take two of these it

doesn't matter take two of these call me in the morning you'll be a higher higher than a motherfucker and and and do that and then it's all good and and then you that's the guy that has babe ruth's jersey and it's like yeah i don't know if babe ruth was a great guy but what if babe ruth was a great guy and then you could just get this jerky doctor in 2024 just like i got babe ruth's jersey it seems like all fucked up so i don't want any part in it. But I did take my old comic books out. Hey, what are you going to do? I love that show, dude. I love that show because those guys are all passionate about what they do, and you got to be if the Pokemon shit's crazy.

I just, you know, I got out my old comic books, and I look at it, and I'm like, yo, there's got to be something in here. My wife got them out. Right. And I was like, I call my mom because I said to my wife, I was like, dude, hey, babe, this is not all of them. Guess what? Hey, we're in luck. It's not all of them. It's not all of them guess what hey we're in luck it's not all of them it's not all of them and she says really i said yeah she said these are the only ones we have i said i'm calling my mommy called my mommy she said i gave him to a guy named evan who's evan i don't know i don't i think she's maybe making it up she said it was a cousin dude making it up so I said can you check the closet and she said yeah sure it's been four days didn't

check the closet oh good my dad fell twice in two days same time said the same thing during the in the same fucking room a little bit alarming he's 76 so anyway um fell adults will just senior citizens will just start falling dude they just start falling you know my mom fell plenty of times my dad's starting to fall that's that's you know it's sad i guess it's sad but it's like you know what adults need they don't even need uh walkers they because, but it's like, you know what? Adults, they don't even need walkers. Because that's like a little bit, what do you call it? You know, emasculating for men. And, you know, I get it.

You're insecure with the walker and a cane. Cane, you can kind of be a badass and be like an evil villain. So you just get like a crystallized eyeball on the top of it and you're fine. Or like a Raven's Claw. But like if you just have a walker, it's like you're just an old person, you know. They could really figure out something a lot better, you know.

Like a huge fucking inner tube or like a michelin man style outfit because you could just rock it and just be like hey if i fall i'm all good remember that idiotic thing that people had when when the um when the uh when the pandemic started and they just made the the big ass like six foot um gate around them like just so it like they people would stay far away remember that i saw that somewhere and that's just so so stupid but um yeah i think that i think that um i don't know it's kind of weird getting older i get like look i'm 44 and my shoulder hurts. And I'm like, okay, I guess I got an MRI. And I'm just like, oh, I just won't use my right arm until maybe I guess I get surgery if I have to.

Or is it something that I have to do where I do physical therapy or both? You get surgery and I looked up. What if I tore my rotator cuff? I look at my rotator cuff. I say, oh, what's the surgery? What's the percentage that it fixes it? And they said 95%. And I go, okay, that's good.

Because it was, I think it was 90% when I got my nose fixed. It didn't work. But my shoulder, blinding pain sometimes. So it's all good. Blinding pain, but it's all good. Blinding pain, dude. Came up the street the other day, hit the gas a little bit.

One of my son's matchbox cars came forward off the dash. Didn't know it was on the dash. It was on the dash. Came flying forward, went to go catch it. Dude, blinding pain. Blinding pain on my shoulder. Pulled over. He's a puss pulled over my son was in the back seat didn't want him to be alarmed felt like shit now he knows his father's a puss and so i pulled over

and i'd go and it was one of those throbbing pains it goes and then goes away a little bit and then comes back and it and it happens like nine or ten times and it is a 10 pain okay it is a well as soon as it happens i think saw my head off saw my head off saw my head off dude i can't take it every time it happens so i head off and then it and then it goes away a little bit i go never mind don't saw my head off but here it comes again dude it hurts so bad and so and so i just think this is it dude maybe i got 10 years left and but my son's there in the back and uh and he says what's wrong dad what's wrong's wrong? And I'm like, it's okay, buddy. Just, no, I'm all good.

Just sit tight. He says, what's wrong? And I can't shut up because he's four. And it's just making it worse. And I'm just like, yeah, buddy, hold on. What's wrong? And then he says, I just hurt my shoulder, buddy. It'll be all right.

And he says, just take two deep breaths. And I was was like that's the shit i say to make you feel better it doesn't really work oh god just take two deep breaths so i had to because my bullshit was now put on me so i'm like and he says feel better and i to be honest i did feel a little bit better but it still hurt like hell but i felt a little bit better like the so i was pissed off that i felt better because that works and like where was i what was i doing for 44 years not doing the breathing in and breathing out shit breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out dude that song rips right who is it perf screams out bush producer goes bush perf um breathing breathe out

um so anyway i was watching king of collectibles and I'm like dude I'm going to get into it I'm such a lunatic dude I took out all the comic books Then looked up 46 videos on YouTube About comic books Got one amazing Spider-Man That is if it's a 10 it's $15,000 If it's a 9.9 it's $300

No I'm kidding I don't know what it is But it's always like a huge drop off The whole grading thing is the comic book the baseball cards comic books the the grading thing really fucked everything right because now everybody wants a 10 but there's no 10s out there and and you know you have to pay to get them graded. And it's just all messed up. So I watched the show, and it's all good. I posted a thing on my Instagram.

This is phenomenal, actually. on my Instagram. This is phenomenal, actually. I don't like when you see cars with track numbers on them, okay? Hey, dude, hey. Hey, if I'm on the freeway and you're driving by with a seven on,

take it off, all right? All right, look, hey, dude. Oh, are you go? Hey dude, are you not going to the track? Take it off. Are you going to the track? Take it off. Put it on when you get there. Hey dude, you're not number seven on the one Oh one. Okay. Hey dude, Okay? Hey, dude. You're not racing other Camrys and Audis and some jalopies and nice cars on the way to the track. Take it off! What are you, number 11?

Nah, dude. You're in the middle lane. Okay? Now, I don't give a fuck if you have a Miata. Okay? Now, I don't give a fuck if you have a Miata. Okay? I don't care how surprisingly agile and surprisingly, you know, how the handling is in the Miata. Yeah, but, you know, it just makes me laugh. Okay, yeah, sure, you got a great motor under yours. But, you know, it makes me laugh.

You know, you go around a few turns. The Miata's king. Oh, yeah? You're dark. All right? Take the eight off. How about that? Take the eight off. I don't care. Put it on when you get there. Yeah, but it's annoying. Yeah, but it's... You know what? Or don't take it off. Don't take it off. Because I'll tell you what,

if I was in a racing and I had to put a nine on my car, okay? If I was into racing and had to do that, I might leave it on just because i don't want to have to keep put it back on and back off but guess what i realized while i'm driving down the 405 doing it my dork okay especially in my fucking bitch ass miata you what is it electric blue bitch ass what is it maroon bitch ass dude

first of all if you have a convertible shake my hand hey I'm Chris nice to meet you bitch ass hey hey hey hey, hey. Miata. You might as well call your car the Jumanji.

It's dorky, okay? It's dorky. Don't care how it handles. Okay? Don't care how it handles. My cock handles it. My cock handles real nice. I'm not leaving it out on the 101. Okay?

Done it to piss in a bottle. But not doing it. You know what I mean? So it's just like, it's so, so I posted this thing. All right? It had a guy with a Miata on, Miata in the right lane. Dude, I'm going to read some of the comments It was unbelievable

I put it on reels on Instagram Shit went belly up But that's when I'm in my zone, dude Don't make me Don't let me into my zone Don't let me into my zone Don't let me into my zone Went his belly up though

So I put the Miata thing on there Drove by, and I just, I mean, dude, just for shits and giggles, too. Just for shits and giggles. He drove by, and I said, as he drove by, I said, not fooling anyone. Like, whatever it means. You know? Okay, hey, you got Miata, you go put Miatas on racetracks? Okay.

You're on the 101. I think it's dorky you have an 18 on the side of your car. When you're exiting Glendale Boulevard. You know what I mean? Where are you going? Islands? Islands? So anyway, so I put this.

You would have thought I said, fuck Keanu Reeves. You would have thought? you would have thought you would have thought i said uh uh you know who's the other guy that that everyone likes and shit i don't care it was it's unbelievable the the the the so so anyway the the the um So anyway, the guy writes on the comments. So wait. So let me go to the comments, actually, because this is just great. This is what I wrote.

I'm not fooling anyone. When you roll by, who cares, right? Dude. You've become someone who is just totally out of touch. Here's another one. Quite clearly the track toy. you miss with this one my favorite is my favorite is

ah you thought you ate huh hey dude I don't know man I just put up dude real question is why the fuck are you going so slow in the left lane?

Ah, this car is there. Look at this. Some people, hey, make sure you don't hit the camera, yeah? Yeah, that's all good. It's just my livelihood. Some people have to drive their cars, their track cars to the actual track. It's okay to let people enjoy things.

Punching down and out of your element ain't it, dude? Dude, punching down. I didn't call him a riri. This one was funny. Probably on his way to a Chris Alia show. That was funny. Look at this. Look at this.

Look at this. Look at this look at this dude Chris would be in last place and lapped in spec Miata racing at least this guy's tracking his car yeah yeah man yeah I'd be last place look look look and then the other person says to him that celebrity's for you stuck up they own ass so far dude hey you guys don't know each other yo dude

there's somebody at least no shit he's a comedian not a racer yeah dude look look a a lot of celebrities comedians race b he has no room to talk bro what's wrong with everyone it's so sad remember when the internet was like i remember sarah silverman tweeted something tweeted black people huh back in like you know 2011 and everyone was just like haha and black people probably were just like haha now if you tweet that hey you're a nazi okay and there's no convincing you are there's no convincing people you aren't all right it. It's unreal. I put, I put, guy has an 18 on his Miata.

And, and, and, and, and dude, the comments were lighting me up, dude. It was,

it was anyway. And then I write like, whoa, this is crazy. And someone says, whoa, buddy, you're really ruffled your feathers,

huh? Like, Hey guy, I'm chilling. I'm literally in my pool when I'm doing this, too. Whatever. I don't know. It's just how it is.

That's how it is. So it's all good. People got super mad, though. I saw the movie Hitman on Netflix because it had a rave review, rave reviews. So, hey, scone on. Saw it. Hey, scone on. Okay. Saw it. Hey, dude, scenes. scenes longer than my dude hey scone on i saw who did it led better fucking link letter what's his name all good dude i get gays and confused that sure glenn powell oh my god i saw this fucking thing man i turned it off dude scone on Hollywood. I watched that other movie. I saw the TV glow. Dude, I saw the glow of the TV. What the fuck? I saw the TV glow, whatever it is. Man, I'll tell you what. Hats off.

Hats clucking off to the director. Now, I don't know if I'm going to get into trouble for this. I think it's a trans female, the director. I don't know what the thing is. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to say it, and I don't care. I don't care. To me, I look at the person, and I just think, I don't know. What are they wearing? Whatever it is, it's fine. I don't care. But someone's mad at me somewhere just for looking at it.

You know? It. The outfit is what I mean. Not it. I don't know what to call him. Okay? So her. Him, her.

I think it's a female. I think that's a trans female. Not sure. All right? I just googled it that's all I did saw the director and I go oh I'm in trouble so but let me tell you something saw the movie it's and I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to like it because two right wings, dude. Right. And I look at everyone casting. It is a hundred percent, of course, probably non-binary. So I go with the two right wings, start flying around in a circle.

And I'm like, like okay all these people in this movie are probably 100% maybe non-binary but also for some reason Fred Durst is in it and I go oh yeah I remember Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit oh yeah I remember I used to know Fred Durst oh yeah I remember I did a show at the laugh factory with Fred Durst. For some reason, he was dressed as an old man in a costume doing a character. And oh yeah, we used to text each other. And oh yeah, Fred Durst invited me to his house once and started showing why is that part of my life but it's true maybe i did it all for the nookie but i did do that and then i go that's a part of my life i completely fucking forgot about i used to be friends with fred durst okay so he's in the movie

okay so he's in the movie anyway that's kind of a side thing there but i'm watching the movie, dude, and dude, hey, hats. Dude, let me pull it up. Let me pull up the movie. I saw the TV glow. I saw the TV glow. I saw the TV glow. Now, I am, come on, saw the, come on. I am a, I love movies. And why won't it, oh, here it is. It is really fantastic, man. This movie's fantastic.

And it is about... Dude, it's fantastic. Jane Schoenbrunn directed it. And, I mean, she's so trans that you are in trouble just looking at her, right? You know what I'm saying? But, dude, she is so talented. This movie was so good it was about like the courage to be the real you that you that you want that that that that you're afraid to be you know it's all about and it's all about you know it's a it's all about the trans issue but it's's not though. And I go, oh, dude, in the middle of the thing, I'm like, this is about this motherfucker.

It's about this. And God be God damn it. It's good, dude. And I got two right wings swinging around in a circle and I'm watching it in my living room. And I go, I got to just fucking perch right now. And I got to watch it because it was really great. And it really was, dude. Hats fucking off.

And, you know, people are like like a lot of people think that trans you know women are real women a lot of people think that trans women are mentally ill or or trans men are mentally ill or whatever you know what dude maybe no clue but whatever that mentally ill or actual woman did? Thank you. I watched it and it was great. So fucking eat my dick. I don't really give a shit, dude.

Okay? How about that? I don't know, man. I don't know what it's like. You watch Jack Black, watch the thing about Biden and everyone's like up in arms about why is he voting for Biden. I don't even give a fuck, dude.

I don't care about any of it. I don't care if care about any of it I don't care if you vote for Trump I don't care if you vote for Biden I don't care I don't care make good art build good buildings make good meals walk around say hi how you doing and that's it talk about the weather have a good time i i oh yeah oh who'd you vote for no can you make a fucking turkey dinner can you build a building can you can you paint a sign in the lines can you make a nice piece of film can you who'd you vote for are you nice to me are you nice to my mom can we sit down and talk and just talk about the weather i don't care i don't care if you come in american flag overalls i don't care i don't care if you're a nine binary or binary because i'm binary as shit i'm a dude so much i have a cock and balls and hair all over it and then also i do only things guys do like oh fuck i don't want to talk about my feelings. I had to do couples therapy today, and I fucking didn't want to.

And I did it, and I felt, and I'm pissed I felt better afterwards. And I was raging in the first 15 minutes. Raging. Just raging, dude. Just raging. And I was just talking that's the end of the sentence it wasn't even he's it started off hey chris why don't you tell me i go okay hey doc hey i say okay in my head, hey, doc, you got time? And then just fucking started rattling.

Started rambling, dude. Hey, hey, yeah, yeah, hey, hey, hey. I didn't say much in couples therapy. Not the cap. I did. Okay? Okay? Started raging.

Talked through it. Then, my wife started talking. Did you know there's a next level of rage? You can feel? And it's not necessarily when your wife's talking. It's when you have to be quiet. You're goddamn right I let out a few.

Oh, hey, I didn't let out any. I didn't let out any of those didn't let out any of those. Stop the cow. I did. So the rage went from pure rage to unadulterated, unadulterated, Excalibur rage.

Excalibur rage. It was unadulterated. Excalibur fucking lion-o holding the sword, looking at the two eyes on the side of the blade. Thunder, thunder thunder thunder rage like but i gotta be quiet but but i had to let out a few like i got Tourette's like i'm eating a sandwich. And then something happened 25 minutes in,

30 minutes in, it started feeling better. God damn it. It started feeling better. And I didn't want it to, because I want it to be right. Dude, I'm a lunatic.

Anyway, I did that. I kind of got off on a tangent there. I don't even know what I was talking about. I think I was talking about the movie Hitman. So that's my Hitman review. That's my Hitman review. I talked a little about my Hitman

and I reviewed another movie and then talked about a couple of therapy and how mad I got. Dude, that should be movie reviews. I wish. Are you kidding me, dude? Critics, they suck, you know? Oh, what'd you do? You watched a fucking bunch of movies and now you talk about them? Yo, if they did it like that, I would be 100% in.

I, um... What happened here? I'd like to share a very important message with you all. You know how much I love cycling and triathlons and Ironman, etc. This is Gordon Ramsay. I had a really bad accident and it really shook me. And honestly, I'm lucky to be here. Now, from those incredible trauma surgeons, doctors, nurses,

and people who looked after me this week. They were amazing. But honestly, you've got to wear a helmet. Wow. I don't care how short the journey is. I don't care the fact that these helmets cost money, but they're crucial. Even with the kids, a short journey, they've got to wear a helmet. Now, I'm lucky to be standing here.

I'm in pain. It's been a brutal week, and I'm sort of getting through it. But... Oh, he's purple. I cannot tell you the importance of wearing... He's a manatee. This weekend is massive. It's Father's Day for new fathers,

old fathers, middle-aged fathers. He straight up has a Magneto shirt on. Hi guys, it's cool. Before. Let's go to after. Oh, he... Oh, he. Oh, he had a helmet on. Wow, dude.

Oh my God, dude. That is crazy. Dude, imagine you're just in a car and you smash into a cyclist and you go oh no and you run out and it's fucking gordon ramsay and you just go oh god oh fuck oh my god this is a travesty basically reacting to him like every meal he ever has on tv oh my god look at this how did I manage this

um that's an insane bruise there you have it. Dude, my eyes are doing this really cool thing where every now and then they just get blurry for no reason, so that's cool. Oh, dude, what about... Oh, wait, let's talk about this, actually. This is pretty crazy.

When did this even happen? I'm going to look this up because i want to get this right first of all the anthony edwards um which i did i thought it was the guy from er but it's a basketball player is he a big basketball player do you guys know no okay uh he's a minnesota timber world star he's big he's a star it says okay uh and he was like trying to convince uh a woman that he splurged it in i guess god it's so nba to just a what oh i'm sorry a what? I'm sorry, a what? That's what NBA players do when a chick says,

you should wear a condom. They say, a what? And their face is like this. Like genuinely try to figure it out. And most of them are unsure of what a condom is, but some of them know what it is, but still are like, I'm an NBA player. What the fuck would I wear that for?

I'll splurt in you and have a child and then I'll just give you like a million dollars and we'll sign something and it'll be all good. I'll never see the child. And like you're telling me Dan Marley doesn't have like fucking, you know what I mean? He's not, oh, you're telling me Dan Marley doesn't have, like, fucking, you know what I mean? He's not. Oh, you're telling me Dan Marley in 2000 wasn't splurting in pieces and just having kids all over the place?

Get out of here, dude. Come on. You're telling me Reggie Miller wasn't splurting in pieces? You're telling me Sam Cassell wasn't splurting in pieces in 1996, dude? Okay, so picture this. It's 1996. Gary Payton has a great game in the Supersonics and doesn't go back to the W Hotel in Orlando

after he played Scott Stiles and doesn't splurting a piece? And nine months later, doesn't... You know what I'm saying come on dude you're telling me larry was it larry walker was that the guy in the hornets larry walker who larry fuck is his name? I don't remember.

Yeah, Larry Walker was a baseball player. Larry Johnson? Larry Johnson? You're telling me Larry Johnson didn't splurt some pieces and throw caution to the wind and go like this? Who knows what's happening in nine months? You're telling me Larry Johnson didn't splurt? Come on, dude. Get with it, all right?

A what? What the fuck is that? Come on, dude. Get with it, right? A what? What the fuck is that? Like the scene from Coneheads when they think it's gum. Oh, this is tasty gum. That's an NBA player when they show them a condom. What is this gum? The fucking tastes disgusting.

Bend over. Splurt. Nine months later, never meet it. And so, never meet it. Ka-ching. Here's Millie's.

What's that? Tastes awful. Turn over. Nine months later, never meet it. Spend in Millie's. Dude, are you kidding me, man? Dude, are you kidding me? Oh, dude, what's that? I got a kid. That ain't no problem. I'll splurt and spend Millie's and never meet it. Anyway. I'll splurt and spend millies and never meet it.

Anyway, so he had, he splurted. Anthony Edwards did the whole oopsie-daisy raw in a piece, okay? And, but he did, you know, like, God bless him, honestly. What is he, 24? You know, superstar on the Timberwolves? Just did it. He committed the oopsie-daisy. He fucking whoopsie-daisied in a piece.

You know what I mean? He threw caution to the wind and whatever. That's what it is. And so he was like, yo, you got to have an abortion. And the girl was like, I don't want to. I did that already, and it fucked my an abortion. And the girl was like, I don't want to. I did that already. And it fucked my life up. And I feel bad doing that.

And he goes, I'll just give you 100K. And she's like, I don't want to do it. And he says, come on. And she says, okay. And she does it. And they're all dragging him. and they're all dragging him because uh he's like there's they use the words words like they they act like these men have mind control you know like it's so annoying when they're like he He coerced me into, dude, you made a fucking bag. Oh, he's such a piece of shit.

Hey, dude, say no. You know what I'm saying? Say no. Say fucking no. You're a piece of shit too. You killed this. You know what? You're worse.

You walked into the place and did it it's so the everything is the media and it's so fuck men heavy it's unbelievable dude this woman went to go get he's only a piece of shit if she doesn't do it and he keeps and he tries to make her life a living hell because of it he was just like i can't have a kid i don't want a kid i'll just give you a hundred thousand dollars and she's no i don't want to i i had an abortion and it made my life bad nah but here's a hundred thousand dollars k and then everyone's dragging anthony edwards dude huh anthony and then he walks back to heat of the moment abortion uh remark god i want somebody to just be like yo didn't want a kid sorry and then put on sunglasses and moonwalk out

uh walking back comments made to a woman to appear to urge her to get an abortion. Dude, so many guys do this. Ah, shit, man. You got to get an abortion, huh? I don't want one. Ah, nah, come on. Also, how about this fucking asshole that just put her text, the secret texts, their private texts out?

I made comments in the heat of a moment is what he said that are not me and that are not aligned with what i believe in and who i want to be as a man darby it's such a lie you know all women should be supported and empowered this is so oh god should be supported and empowered to make their own decisions about their bodies and what is best for them. I am handling my personal. Dude, hey, man. Yeah, okay.

She could have had. She took the money. He's 22. Also, he's 22 years old, dude. Although he did right. Hell no. Can't do dis. You know what I mean? Hey, at least spell it like fully out.

Other is so disrespectful. And then wrote, get an abortion, LOL. Hey guy, decorum. Hey guy, give the phone to your friend let him do it crazy but yeah dude that woman who did it she was bought so basically're hooking. All good, but relax. It's so annoying that we live in like this fake world where we can't actually mean what we say. I mean, I can because, you know, it doesn't matter. But like it's just so annoying that people have to be like,

yeah, no, we have to, you know, oh, it's too bad he paid her $100,000. In the meantime, she's out, you know, she's oh she's sad okay yeah because you know what they should have used a condom he he should have used one she should have had him use one you know but he's an nba player and he goes like this oh what i'll just splurt and throw caution to the wind not meet him in nine months and fucking ka-ching it out because I'm not. I don't know. Do I even know anymore? Here's the thing about the.

This was crazy. This was crazy. About the lady who did the... Look at this. So she was fired because she said the N-word. One of the craziest things about the N-word is that... And I hate... Look said there was a little conservative on the last post let me i'm not trying to this is just how i feel i'm not trying to like i'm not i don't like when people i'm just telling you how i feel i don't care no disclaimer

uh the fact that people still say the n-word almost like it's so bonkers it's it's so unless you're you know when i get it here's when i get it if you're truly racist okay that's the only time i get it and I don't I don't agree with it obviously but at least you mean it right but when somebody says I can't believe that white people still say it as a throwaway when you just know a world of hurtin's coming like just why do you want to say it that bad if you want to say that bad and you're racist do it and mean it but you got these like you know dudes in vegas and hoes at pool parties just like, what's up? You know? Dude, hey, hey, that's bonkers.

And then they'll, so here's the thing. So this is what you do. I think it's bleeped out. So if not, we'll have to bleep it out. What the heck? Why can't I play it? Oh, here. Here we go.

Everybody I know who's married right now, they're married to broke-ass s***. Okay. And they don't care. We don't give a f*** about your money. I couldn't care less about your f*** money, okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Hey, lady, hey, lady, hey, lady, hey, lady, hey, lady, hey, lady, hey, lady. World of hurting.

And you know it, okay? Dude, hey, baitin' us. Hey, hey, dude. and i'm not look it's just a word people say who cares say it you know white people white people who cares say it who why why do you have to say it? Say it when you know you're going to lose your job. Okay? Now here's the deal. I feel like more people are saying it like this now, brazenly, because of this whole thing where people are like,

we can't say anything anymore like the whole me i put i post the thing about the miyadith and people are just like oh fuck you bro let the guy live have a good time dude i'm just poking fun you trying to get me to say the n-word you're trying to take my speech from me i'll say the n-word you're trying to say speech isn't free you know i mean like and i i don't do this but like that's what these people are thinking they go oh okay they took the word re-read from me all right here we go buckle up honey let's go live you know oh i can't say i can't call so i can't call someone a pansy anymore, even though it's a pretty flower. Oh, honey, we're going live.

Hey, honey, give me the phone. Hit the TikTok button. We're saying the N word. But this is what makes, So everyone needs to chill. Everyone. Everyone needs to chill. It's okay to say RiRi, but don't say that. Because here's the deal.

Why do you want to say the N-word so badly when it's just going to make a bunch of people feel bad? Now, I agree. People are mostly P-U-S-S-Ys. When it's just going to make a bunch of people feel bad. Now, I agree. People are mostly P-U-S-S-Ys. But let's just not do the N-word one. You know? It's so weird.

It's so weird to me dude and then she doubled she doubled down dude and she goes great now i said it thought look let's look at the actual thing is there the apology not the apology thing oh no i just got fired mob she said look somebody said married to who and he she said you heard me wow this is great here's here's the hold on so all those nerds in high school like the weird theater kids and the anime people and you know who I'm talking about the people we didn't hang out with so they've grown up now and they're the ones making the laws they're the mark zuckerbergs they're the fauci's of the world of fucking nerds she's right but still dude uh the vitriol you know it's true, but still. Dude, when she said the Fauci, the fucking nerds.

Vitriol. Ow, but true. We're all nerds in high school. Good. You know? But like. Fucking dorks that never got laid in high school. That didn't matter.

And they got a major chip on their shoulder against the normies. That's why you see all these fat ass fucks making laws. Oh, you can be obese and anorexic. There you go. See, there you go. There you go. She's, dude, that's the thing. Because we're acting like super fat people are healthy,

Because we're acting like super fat people are healthy, these kinds of people feel like they now are liberated and should say the N-word more. Dude. Dude. Pack it up. Pack it up. It made too much sense. Dude, I tell you what, man.

It's true. As if you need to pack up because someone made too much sense. Nah, dude. Oh, shit, dude. He actually made... You know what, dude? You figured it out. We got to pack up.

Come on. Pack it up. Hey, dude. He's in the beans. Pack it up, man. He's below the seven layers. Shit, man. He's in the actual beans fuck man god damn it the ones inventing clown world they're the ones in media they're the actors you wonder why actors

are so politically leftist? Oh, right. It's because they're loser theater kids. They're the theater kids who grew up, and now they're telling me and you what to think. They're telling me and you what to do, and they're making the laws in this country. Well, it's time to stand the fuck up and stop being scared. Why are we scared of these people? They were massive losers in high school, and they're massive losers today. It's time to put the motherfucking nerds back in their place. Stand the fuck up.

And speak. If it was about... If it wasn't about what she... Yeah, she... You know what I mean? Goddamn, sis, you know? This was the best one, though. In a follow-up video, she said she couldn't find a care.

That's a great way to put it, you know. I looked all day. You know what? I thought long and hard about what I did when I said the N-word, when I said broke ass, when I said they were broke ass N-words. Dude.

I really took your thoughts into account, your tweets and your comments. And I looked. So I started looking. I started looking all day. I started, I looked under the carpet. I looked under every carpet in my house. I went in my car. I looked in the trunk. I looked under every carpet in my house. I went in my car.

I looked in the trunk. I drove around town. I opened the windows. I asked people if they could help me find. I went to my basement. I went back up to my attic. I even went to my parents. I called my parents and I said, hey, mom.

parents and i said hey mom and i came back and i just i looked all day and i couldn't find a care dude if she said that look and then she wrote see this is the thing dude stop saying fat people are healthy is the basic is the moral of this story because then now you get people like this trying to say the n-word thanks that she says thanks it's also not just the black community a lot of white people get mad but she says thanks black community she i mean this woman obviously she actually seems very racist but uh thanks black community for helping to launch my new career in conservative media she wrote on x all you played a role well like the puppets you are. Dude, hey, are you Lex Luthor? Dude, this woman, wow.

I got to follow this woman. Like, is she on Twitter? I tried to look for her the other day and she wasn't even, didn't even come up. Anyway, she's fired. People are just batshit. remember when the internet was fun Let's look at this Ric Flair video. Fire me. I'm already fired. Fire me.

I'm already fired. I am... Throw his shoe out in the morning. Dude. Dude. Ric Flair's hair. Is that

like, how are you, how do you, because I bet it's not even dye. How are you that, how are you that color haired and not

seven? I mean, dude, this video. I mean, dude, this video. I mean. Nice. I will take your mother home and make a woman out of her, kid. So. Talking to you, kid. I'm going to make your mother go woo, woo, woo.

So, bitch. When I'm out here talking to y'all, shut up. So, bitch. so bitch so bitch I'm gonna take your mother home and make her go woo woo woo so bitch I mean dude has such a mother kink you know kids don't talk about taking mothers home he gets through making Hillary go woo kids are talking about taking mothers home

wow Wow That's amazing Dude wrestling is crazy right Wrestling is just nuts Um That's what it is post malone tattoos penis bro steve-o doesn't give a fuck huh Steve-O doesn't give a fuck, huh? Like,

he doesn't give a fuck. Steve-O just got a dick tattooed on his fucking forehead. Oh my God. That's crazy. That is just crazy. You know what that is?

Rock and roll, dude. That's so punk rock and rock and roll and a bunch of other genres but just so Wow Oh son of a bitch what if I got a penis tattooed on my head, babe? What would you do? Cut it off. Cut off the penis or my head? Cut off my head, she said.

Well, you'd have a headless Crystalia in the house. No, I would ask for you to... If I could cut my head off, but let me please stay. Anyway, that's it. That's the end of the episode. That's the end of the episode on YouTube. If you want to watch the rest of it, go to my Patreon, patreon.com.

You can catch the rest of it. You can catch all the other episodes. You can catch the episode that... The Patreon-only episode of Brian Callen when he came and joined us. The ones of 36 40 Patreon

episodes now you can get if you sign it up just six bucks you get them all now thanks a lot guys appreciate you bye bye bye bye

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