Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 398. Glizzy Overdrive

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

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Hey, what's up? Wait, actually let me start with doing my dates. Let me just see what's up here. Oxnard, California. I'll be there this weekend. Uh, Oxnard, California. Uh, I got dates there and, uh, then I will be off to Alabama. Um, and McAllen, Texas, Beaumont, Texas, Peterborough, Ontario, London, Ontario, Alabama, Duluth,

Minnesota, Thunder Bay. Alabama isn't even until October. I didn't realize. And then Lexington, Kentucky. So go to chrislea.com get those tickets now and welcome to the next episode of Congratulations. Come off it, mate. Come off it. Yeah. You ever think about how for real different accents are weird, dude? Like, and I know obviously, but like, that's so weird. If you think about it, if it is like a high thought starting off with a high, a high thought, but like, I don't, I don't know, man. I'm always watching this show from South Africa.

I'm cultured. And, uh, I was just like, they really just, they talk like that, huh? And we just talk like this? And then even here we talk different, like East Coast to West Coast? And then I'm like, all right, dude, there's something different about me right now. And it is that I have color to me.

I am a little bit, you know, I got a little bit of a tan. Why? Because I was in the pool for two days in a row. Why? Because I moved to my new for two days in a row. Why? Because I moved to my new house and I'm using the new pool and awesome. And I love it. And, uh, you're going to have to deal with me a little bit leveled up now in the looks department, you're going to have to deal with me a little bit bronzed out in the looks department.

Okay. Because this is a new year, new me. And I say that every August. So, uh, I, uh, I feel good in my new me, and I say that every August. So I I feel good in my politic shirt. I'm having a good day. A lot of driving back and forth to where I live and where I go Here's what happens, okay? When you're trying to sell a house first of all

Realtors are a good realtor is Great. I have a good realtor is great. I have a good realtor, okay? Which makes her great. Because I didn't really understand what a realtor does until I got this one. And I've dealt with her for a few houses and properties, whatever.

Before her, no disrespect to the other people I used as realtors, but I'd like to pose the question, what were you ever doing? I would just send you links and you'd be like, cool, let's go. Like, hey, you're not my realtor. I'm, you're, you're just a buddy that I don't want. You're just a buddy that I wouldn't hang out with. And I have to, and we've got to go. So I think, you know, I know realtors are under attack right now because they're trying to like make a lot of people, at least in California, a lot of realtors in California trying to roll them out of business.

Cause why do you need a realtor really? Unless you've got a good one, why do you need a realtor really unless you got a good one why do you need one? Right? You don't they just usually just scoop up the extra paper you go you sell you sell your house you say helps maybe you make some money selling your house but who gets the extra paper the realtor gets extra paper they take a 5% right but if you got a good realtor they know stuff you know they're like on the inside like they say stuff like well if you've got a good realtor, they know stuff, you know? They're like on the inside. Like they say stuff like, well, if you know, you know, uh, there's actually

a house coming on the market. Like they sense it. Like they don't even, there's actually a house coming on the market. Uh, it's on the West side. I'm not sure if you're, uh, interested in living there, but it has all of the things you want and actually a few extra bells and whistles. I'll see what I can do. And then before you know it, you're living on the west side dude

and but they're good and they know stuff and they got secrets man well you know you know realtors like I think of a realtor as like, like agents are like pretty much just bad people, you know, and Hollywood agents in Hollywood. Realtors, I feel like get that rap, but are, but the good ones are, are, I'm just, I'm just, you know, the bad realtors, dude. Like imagine being a, oh wow, a bad realtor that has to sell like shitty shitty houses in Peoria. Yeah, so this is it. And then that's the backyard. If you go there,

and then upstairs, I'll be in the car. How many bathrooms does this have? I don't know. It looks like three or no, I guess that's not a bathroom. Two, that is not a bathroom. Why is there a toilet in it then? Why is there a toilet in it then? So yeah, anyway, I'm in there in the new house.

I was thinking about, you know, cause my kids are four and 16 months. And I was thinking about, and by the way, I do the 16 month thing, which sounds like a thing I wouldn't do, like just say one and a half, but they're so much different from month to month. It's like they're Transformers. It's like you're seeing Optimus Prime in April, you're seeing Optimus Prime. As a big rig.

And then in May, you're seeing him roll out and he's this big red and blue alien robot monster. They just look completely different. Like Billy is a big boy now. Okay. And, um, anyway, I was thinking about moving, uh, as a kid, because I moved as a kid once when I was, I don't even know how old I was, I must've been, I was pretty young, six. And when you're a parent, you start thinking about things again, right?

Like you're like, oh, first, oh, you do your first day of school as a kid, and then you leave for life after that, and you don't ever think about it again until you have a kid and then it's their first day of school and you go oh shit that's right one time I was at school I was my first day of school I was like dad please please I don't want to do this I was crying and he was like dude you got to

you have to I gotta go to work and I said dad please just can you just please wait outside of the door and he was like yeah yeah okay and no I can't wait on noise it I can't wait outside the door I gotta go to work and I said dad please just can you just please wait outside of the door? And he was like, yeah. Yeah, okay. I know I can't wait. No, I said I can't wait outside the door I gotta go to work. I said, please. Can you please wait outside the door? You want me wait outside the door all day and I was like, yes, please and he said okay And I said, okay that made me feel so good and then I went Into the class we had like a five ten minute thing going on and then first chance I could I ducked out and just looked Outside of the door and my dad was gone.

And he was gone and that traumatized me. Yahoo! And he didn't do anything wrong. He had to go to work. I was being a bitch. But what do you do in that situation? What does he do in that situation? I think the thing that you gotta do is tell him, no,

I can't, here's the thing. It's just traumatizing. Dropping your kid off to school is just traumatizing. That's it for them. And you, by the way. I've been different. Calvin went to his first day of school four days ago. I've been different since.

Watching him through the window like this. And I'm just like, oh, oh, oh, god. It's like, oh, it's weird that the, and I'm thinking like, this is how it was for me and my dad, I'm gonna stay. My dad said he wouldn't stay, I'm gonna stay. I was talking to Kristen and she was like, you would stay the whole day, huh?

And I said, if you're even asking me that question, you don't get it. If you're even asking me if I would stay the whole day outside of the window, looking like a creep in the you know I mean in the preschool I if you're I will stay as far enough away as to where it's not creepy how about that to where the teachers aren't like okay you know it's weird I will be outside the gate I don't care I will do that dude I would never leave my son stranded like that, hanging, crying. So, he looked okay. By the time I left, I left, you know, five minutes after.

I was like, all right, it's gonna be okay. Anyway, but I thought about, like, I was driving to the new house, okay? And we're still also living in the old house, by the way. So, you know, we're still also living in the old house, by the way. So, you know, we have to sell it, but we haven't, it's gone on the market like yesterday or something, whatever, just too much information.

But, so I'm driving, I'm driving to the house. I can't remember, for some reason I had Calvin and Kristen had, he's already there with Billy. But I had Calvin and I was like, all right buddy, we gotta go to the new house. And on the way there, he was like, he was like, awesome, cool, we'll go to the cool house. He's got like a trampoline and shit.

He was excited. And he was like, halfway there, I can't remember how it came up, but I was like, yeah, because we're going to the new house and we're going to stay there tonight. And he was like, we're going to stay there? And I was like, yeah. And then I didn't hear anything. And then I look behind me in the rear view mirror and he's like this. And I'm like, what are you upset about? He says I don't want to stay there

and I was like why? And he says because I want to stay at the second house which is the second house he's lived in which is the house that we that I record this podcast in he calls it the second house. And he's, cause he lived in, first house he lived in was, you know, we moved when he was like four months. So he doesn't remember it, but he knows it is the second house. So he's like, I want to stay in the second house. I don't want to stay.

And then I was like, well, it's okay. We're just going to stay there tonight. And then we're going to, you know, he's like, are we ever going to be back to the second house? And I was like, well, we can go back at some point but we have to we're gonna sell it and he was like we're gonna sell it and I was like yeah and and I was like and and he said and we're just we're gonna sleep there again and I said well no we're probably just gonna sleep at the new house." And he said, forever. And I was like, well,

yeah, we're going to sleep in a new house for like a lot. It's going to be great. He was like, I would like the second house. And I'm like feeling so bad, but I know once we get moved in, he's going to love it. Like it's, it's nicer. It's got more area, it's you know got a you know a cool trampoline that the people before us left and you know he's like so scared and then I'm like dude I'm driving and I'm like I didn't even try to do anything I didn't even all I'm trying to

do is make dude half to have to reason no 90% of the reason why I moved is because of I have a family now and I want I want I want their lives to be better than living in You know living on fucking mattress burning burning mattress Avenue over in fucking because I live in West Hollywood now living on fucking crack whore Street and so over in fucking, cause I live in West Hollywood now, living on fucking, uh, crack horse street. And so, um, or weird guy who walks by my house with basketball at 5 30 PM every day. And, um,

just fucking holding a basketball too, with shorts that are like too big. It just pisses me off. I always was, he's 50, you know, like guy give it up. But anyway, I'm like how, and I'm trying to make the life better, but I'm like, this is traumatizing moving as a four year old. It's just like you're in a house, you got your routine,

you finally learn enough about life to where you're walking around talking, asking for what you want want asking for what you need Cracking some jokes here and there getting your bearings, you know being a little bit, uh, uh confident You know pushing pushing it a little bit, you know Ate some goldfish, but hey, you know what? Hey dad could I have a cliff bar? You know the answer is no You just ate some fucking goldfish, but it's like But you know, he's starting to he's starting to get there. Can I wear my Minecraft socks? You know what I mean? Like this stuff. He's becoming a person. And then

all of a sudden you're like, guess what bud? We're sleeping somewhere else forever. Dad! You go, it's crazy how quickly a little kid can turn into a little kid. You know, like my son will fucking use the word actually. And then when I say, Oh, by the way, we're sleeping in a different place. He goes, it's like, we went off to war. It's like, it's like, it's like we're off to war. off to war. It's like, it's like, it's like we're off to war. You know? And so it's really like hard because I saw someone say that life is, you know, life is great, you know, life rips, you know how I always say it. You get the merch at chrisley.com but but I was saying Life rips and somebody that I heard somebody on a video somewhere saying that life was

A challenge no matter who you are and I was like, I can't really disagree with that, huh? But it rips in the challenge, but also still I really can't disagree with that because life has a challenge You're either gonna get live, You know, you're gonna have... You're gonna be... I would like to think that everyone has the same... I don't know if I agree with this, and I normally agree with myself, but I'm just positive in the theory

that everyone in the world gets a certain... gets the exact amount that they can either... Like, the same amount of hardship in a certain way, whether it's mentally, physically, uh, uh, uh, um, uh, financially, whatever it is that you, that they each get the same amount of, and it's what you, how you deal with it. And I would say everyone gets the same amount or everyone gets as much as they can take which obviously isn't true because people commit slewer side but um

isn't that amazing? So anyway it's you know it was a little negative note it ended on but but I will say though it was uh it was uh it was why it's wild but we've been in the pool and it's been great and Calvin won't take his fucking floaties off so I gotta learn how to swim though you know it's like um uh yeah Westlake Village it's a cool place it's got 8 000 people000 people in it. Not even. And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. The population of Westlake Village is, there's 8,000 people, 2,100 of them are hot and then the then maybe a thousand more of them are like moms and then then the rest then there's like sick you know I will say there's probably 800 dads even though that doesn't work out with the math,

with the moms, because some of them are single, I guess, maybe the moms. And then there's about 25 just guys. You know what I mean? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Like not dads, just guy you see somewhere. There's 25 of them. And then the rest are cyclists and dogs.

And that is on the census. That is the census. The amount of cyclists in my new neighborhood is like, hey, what, was there a fucking, I get mad, dude. I gotta, you know what? I have got to really, really, really got to recalibrate now that I've mad, dude. I've got to really, really, really got to recalibrate now that I'm living in a peaceful, non-Wee-Ho place.

Non-Hollywood place. I'm living in a peaceful place. Dude, it has 8,000 people in it. You talk about shit like, whoa, where'd you get that attachment for your motorized thing you take your kids to school in or whatever. Oh, I ordered it online. It was like, you know, you can get it yellow or teal. Those are the questions you ask. And it's beautiful. But I'm like, Micromudging ass. I'm like, damn dude, I can't, what am I, how can I just drive by, by, you know, sit cyclists and just be like these motherfuckers, they're happy. And I get it.

Here's the thing about cyclists that I just know. Hey cyclists get less dorky uniform. Don't why, how come when you're cycling, you're on a team period. It doesn't matter if you're on a team or not. You, you, nobody cycles in like sweats and, uh, like a throwaway shirt. They all wear. If you're, if you're, if you're a cyclist, you've got all the shit you've got. You've got, uh, like, you know, spider-man jumpsuit that like looks like it was

it looks like it's uh what's the stuff that venom uses uh the the syndicate the symbiote uh yeah it's alien symbiote and and then you got like the the the the the the bike helmets with the shlong in the back you know know, to help you go faster. Yeah, you're really going faster, man. You're really going faster. You manage fucking hedge funds. You're going faster, huh, buddy? And just Oakley glasses, just trying to go faster.

Arnett, those glasses, you know? And then the 100% worst part, the shoes, dude. The shoes that you absolutely need to take off immediately as soon as you get off of the bicycle. Because if you don't, all of a sudden you're Gregory Hines. Dude, everywhere you walk... ... Dude, it's so annoying.

I was at this coffee shop, though I found one, by the way. Seven cyclists walked in. I thought I was at a quinceañera, dude. It was so fucking... I'm just like, dude, come on guys, put on a different fucking shoe. No, sorry, we're cyclists with their big schlong hats. Sorry we're cyclists with our big schlong hats. And it's alien symbiote with the R-neck glasses or the glasses that come over their head like this.

You know, you ever see those glasses? And it's just super annoying. Why does it make, they don't have to make that noise. It's not like golf cleats, dude, golfers coming into the clubhouse, you know? Oh, I'll have a grilled chicken. Just, yeah, have Nancy set me up with a grilled chicken. I like the way she makes it.

Just fat, you know? How come you can be fat and play a sport? That should be like something that just God figured out a little better, you know? Like for real, you can be fat and play baseball. That's crazy. You can be fat. Well, football can make sense

because you're trying to get as big as you can. And if you're a lineman, you get as big as you can. So that's okay. But like basketball is a sport. You cannot get fat. And I actually don't know why basketball players aren't all completely 100% ripped like that guy from Tekken or like they should all look like, uh, the attack on Titan, uh, big, whatever you call them, the Titans. How are they not all ripped?

Like LeBron looks ripped, some guys look ripped, but some guys are just like guys. Like how was Shaq, Shaq was never ripped. I mean, he was leaner than he is now, of course. He's seven one, you know? If you're seven one and 50 50 you're gonna be fat you cannot be fat but yeah they're running all the time like soccer players are all ripped

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Um, my shoulder's feeling a lot better. I've been doing PT with my buddy, Anthony. He's, he's killing it there. I can, I can do a lot of get past my ears. So that's a real old man. Uh, back, you could be young and pull your back. I can do a lot of get past my ear. So that's a real old man. Back, you could be young and pull your back. You fuck your shoulder up, dude. You're old, you age.

I never felt old until I hurt my shoulder. Cause you can't reach for shit. And you're like, and you gotta bend, you, you gotta bend down for stuff. You gotta go all the way down and dude, I never, but he's working on my shit. That, what do they ever call them? Myofascial release or whatever the hell it is. I don't know. It feels good.

What do they call that? Ah, whatever. Shout out to politics for the shirt. They send me a bunch of stuff. I like their stuff. Um, So yeah. So I moved. My second son is saying, dah! It's awesome. This is him the other day. It's so cute. So funny. Where is it here? This is really cute. Look what he did.

Where is it here? This is really cute. Look what he did. What? How come? Hi, Billy. I love you. I got to go do the podcast. Just so disrespectful.

Just screaming out that. And it's so cute. And when he sees a car, he goes, because that's the noise, that's the noise the car makes. Um, uh, yeah. But had couples therapy today. And it was fun. It's crazy how much I got to work on my tone, you know?

It's just like, I gotta work on it. I guess, I guess I gotta work on my tone. I just want, you know what I want? I saw a couple the other day online and they were like, they were older and they were like, they were older and they were like, they were like going to the airport, which is stressful. When you're going to the airport, there are times where you should be able to be just dicks and you know having a worker a guy fixing the dishwasher because you know you can't get your dishes and so like you know

your wife or your husband is like hey you know when's that guy coming you're like I told you he's coming you know or like you know if someone's parent is dying and you're like, okay, this is stressful, he's obviously going to snap, she's going to snap, or if you're moving houses, you get it. But it's just like, I saw a couple, they were going to airport, airport comes to mind, that's like the number one traffic is another one, you know? Uh, and I saw this couple and they were older they were like you know 50s 60s maybe I think it's 60s and the woman had a was in front of the man and the man

had a suitcase and he was dragging it and it was like clumping like clunking along and she was like pick it up you got to pick it up you're not doing it right and he was like I'm trying to fucking pick it up But it's do it This is how it has to be because of the and I was just like man That kind of that kind of energy that kind of level is just so dope to me and it's just all I want Like just talk shit to me like that, baby But I can't you know seven and a half years, you can't really do that anymore. Cause it's like, the other day I was like, is this,

I said, we were in the house and the door was open from in the back. And I was like, why is this door open? And she was like, oh, I left it open by mistake. And I was like, oh, okay, I'll close it. I just want to see if you need to have it open or whatever. And then later on, we were like tired and cranky and shit. And she was like, and then, and then like the other,

you like asked me like the way you asked me, like why is the door open? Like, no, no, no, I said, this is what I said. I said, does this door need to be open or something? I don't know. And she's like, why didn't you just ask me? Why did you just say, hey I would would you like to would you need this door open or should I close it for you and I'm just like oh dude

cut off my balls. Oh, you mean be a different person? I go, why is this door open? Here's why I did it. I'm like, I'm helping. I'm a help. If she doesn't need it open, I'm gonna close. If she needs it open, I'm gonna leave it open. Either way, it's helpful.

Hey, why is this door open? Oh, I just need, and then later on when we're cranky, it's like the time when you opened, when you let the doors open, why didn't you just ask about it? It's not to ask about it, it's not about it. Oh, I'm sorry. Saw my gonads off.

Dude, and we're talking about it in therapy and I'm just like, Dude, and we're talking about it in therapy and I'm just like, I don't have any ill will when I'm saying something like that. Dude, it's so funny man. And it's like, how do you get out of it? Because once you're in it, you're in it you're in it the second that happens once dude it's like quicksand you can't you know the next day you're in whose sandwich is this Wow oh fuck I just want to know if I could eat it and then you're you're extra mad because of the thing that happened earlier and you can't be you because your testicles were yanked so it's like but look growing and changing is good and

obviously as a couple you need to grow and change and I don't know how people stay together for 50 years that's insane but it's like, because you're not even the same person as you were. I'm not the same person I was Tuesday, dude. Sometimes I'm like, I fucking love love blank. And then on Friday I'll be like, dude, that fucking stuff sucks. Ew. That fucking stuff sucks. Eww. So I don't know how people do it, but my parents are still together and they're killing it, so that's cool. We love him for it.

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Wanted to take a bathroom break and take my magic mind. Nice. Dude, I loved this, dude. This made me laugh hard. Here we go. Wait, so. Hold on, hold on.

I know gun free zones. Wait, so. Hold on. No gun free zones. More guns. Yep. Can't fight fire with water. Gotta fight fire with fire. You can't fight fire with water? Oh my god. Depends on what's in the fire. I know what that means! It's like fire with water. Yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, get the hell out of there so badly because you go, oh, I fucked up. Nope, see you, okay. Just own it immediately. Immediately, the only way to do it, it's like when you fall down, laugh the hardest. Be the one who laughs the hardest. It's funny, isn't it?

Just because it's you doesn't mean it's not funny. I mean, maybe it hurts too, but like, dude, I mean, I can't, this is the most insecure thing I have seen in the 2000s. It's just unbelievable, dude. Why are both these guys Brent Morin? Here, look, let's... I know gun free zones. First of all, both absolutely Brent Morin.

Can't even believe it. And then, I mean, wow, everything adds to it too. This microphone is so bitch. And then, I mean, wow, everything adds to it too. This microphone is so bitch. And then the guy, he's already insecure. He doesn't even want to be on camera. And, and, and he fucks up so bad. More guns. Yep.

Yeah. Can't fire water. You got to fire fire with fire. Dude. The, oh God. If you are married to that guy and you saw him do that, you have to divorce him right then, right? Like you got to go, so what have you heard his wife in the background after

you said, it's over. Dude. I can't. Can't fight fire with water. Got to fight. Fire a fire. fire with water gotta fight fire a fire what he was in the middle you can't fight fire with water? Nah. Dude!

A gecko vomiting, you know? Nah. Dude! Nah. The most fucking doodical whoops ever. Nah. Depends on what's in the fire. AHHHH!

Double down! made it worse. Made it even more, made it even more bitch, dude. Depends what's in the fire. No. It doesn't. If fire's in it, water helps. You only fight fire with water.

Dude, the worst general. They specifically do fight fire with water. Yeah. Dude, I can't believe this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I give up. Oh my, oh my. This video, dude, is out of control.

Bad and good. It is out. It is out of control. I wish there was more of a caption than fucking. Why is every other thing about the Tesla Cybertruck, dude? It says the Tesla Cybertruck is an all-electric battery-powered light duty truck of a Tesla incorporated Why do Instagram accounts have that? We're gonna watch it again. No gun free zones Dude I I know I know I shouldn't be stopping and playing it so much.

Oh, fuck. The only hope you have with your woman after that is if you be super vulnerable with her afterwards and be like, I don't know what I was thinking, I was trying and I just got really insecure. That's the only way to keep her. If you are like, fuck that guy, that was stupid. You're divorced in six months, dude, because you dried it up, because you were super bitch right there.

You dried it up because you were super bitch in front of your woman, and that's not her fault that she can't get, she's the Sahara right now. The only, only way to get this nail trowel back is to say, is to be fully vulnerable and open up and be like, look, I know it was stupid, and I don't know I just couldn't I've been going through a lot lately you know use that thing I've been going a lot lately and then when she

says okay I won't divorce you just go like this yeah more guns yep can't fight fire with water you gotta fight fire with fire Jesus Christ fight fire with fire. Jesus Christ. You fight fire with water? Depends on what's in the fire. They specifically do fight fire with water. Yeah. AHHHHH! Blind. Completely blind by the end. Blind. Got so insecure his vision went.

Yeah. Just walking. Anybody got a cane? Ah, dude! Are you blind? That is un... Yeah, just walking. Anybody got a cane? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I love it dude look at this Working hard dude working hard working hard increasing grip by 7% whew thank you for over 160 glizzies and drink glizzy over time dude lululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululululul this

Why is this okay? Dude, hey, hey ban him. He's not eating the hot dog. Huh? He's sucking crank. Hey ban him. Huh? Hey tiktok the worst loophole Dude You can't do this on youtube, right on t On TikTok you can just eat glizzies all day long. 7% tighter grip. Like it's an infomercial with new 7% tighter grip. In pure Michigan, a fresh outlook is found among the trees as a canopy of color paints a vivid portrait.

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Ice cream. Ice cream. So good. Thank you for the ice cream. Thank so good thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank Dude, this guy works hard. The sunglasses, dude. Somebody just said. Imagine you're a. Imagine you're a parent doing this. Like you have kids in a room. Like your kids, holy shit, dude. In a room like your kids. Holy shit, dude Dude he's not even a comedian like dude. This is so fucked up, dude. You can't knock the hustle You really can't This guy writes, what's his fucking at bro?

100 glizzies overdrive, and he made $70, you know, oh Dude glizzy overdrive Glizzy overdrive. Oh man. As a comedian you can do this stuff though. That's why I love being a comedian. It's hilarious, dude. Guys killing it. That's funny.

Oh man. That made me laugh, dude. This is so, this one's good too. This one's good too. I've seen it. I Come down! Come down! I can't! I can't! The machine's not moving!

Who says- When you're in peril, who says- says ah ah actually says ah I'm begging ya dude hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha

like you're staring at the riddler dude who says I'm begging ya ya dude wow this is fantastic staring at the Riddler. Dude, who says, I'm begging ya? Yeah, dude. Wow, this is fantastic. Two things I love about this, can't tell if the guy is 90 or 25. And this caption is true, what it says.

He sounds like he is, and he's anime, dude. Like it would be close to bottom, and he would just be like, uh, ah, ah, ah, ah, please, I'm begging you. Also, look, the calmness of everyone else is just fantastic. What's here? We go. Oh, I know this one. Getting it out of here. go, oh I know this one. Get in an elevator.

No, dude bro. The guy tried to cough over his fart and his timing was terrible, dude. He goes, oh! What the fuck dude? And then the guy responded with the only... Dude, how about if you blasted a fart in an elevator like that It's like if they took a family feud survey of

What the things people would say after what do you say after someone comes into the elevator and farts loudly? What the fuck dude? Bing! Number one! 90 people said that. Like it would be it would be overwhelmingly there's no way that what the fuck isn't the number one thing people say to that. And and then number two is a huge drop-off. Like it's 90% and then 5% say, Ew. And then like the rest of them are 1%. But I mean, this guy just came No, seriously, get out of here. Well, so the fact that he tried to, was trying to click the, you know, you try to click it nine times to make it go faster.

You know what would be real baller? If you walked in blue ass like that and then just hit the button once. That would be real baller. You know, rather than, uh, I love it. So what's I, I, what do you think is more gross fart farting or burping? I think, um, burping is way worse. I'd rather someone. Yeah, I know. Nobody ever agrees with me, but it's disgusting, dude. I don't want it. I don't want to like smell. Ew. I can't even think about it. What you just, what you just ate, like on the way down. Yuck.

Finish it and then I'll smell it. You know, let your body do all the work. It's so disrespectful to just eat a little bit and then be like, hey, by the way, you're like, nah, bro, let it do its thing. I'll take a fart. Yeah, it's disrespectful to burp. It's not really that disrespectful to fart because it was going to be poop anyway soon. And that's really what I think. Dude, look how mean this is dude. Hayley Welch, the Hawk Tour girl wrote meme of the day y'all and she just got, she's her, it's her getting out of a cyber truck and

there's an explosion in the background and somebody just quote tweeted it and wrote does this stupid bitch even understand what a meme is dude that's free speech but like that's so not a meme though, you know, but like hey, hey dude lay off, huh? Like just like she's just having fun. Oh Fuck like yeah, this will be fun. Hey, I'll just put it on the internet Oh meme of the day y'all just not even thinking about it some dude at home. Ah, stupid. Yeah, what a bitch I mean, this is so shitty and then people in the comments like seriously. Oh Man the internet is just too much And then people in the comments like, seriously. Oh, man. The internet is just too much, dude.

It's just too much. It's not allowed. You know what I mean? It's just not allowed, but it's here. You know what I'm saying? It's just like not allowed. No, absolutely not. Like when my son wants to eat two Clif Bars, no.

It's not allowed, but he's doing it, you know? Unbelievable. Here's an old dating video in 1980s. Watching this tape, smoking your cigarette. Well, hit the fast-forward button, because I don't smoke and I don't like people who do smoke. Dude. I guess having... It surprises me that people in the 80s had such boundaries, you know?

I don't like people who do smoke. Hi, I'm Maurice. I'm who? Worry-us? Oh, Maurice? Dude, um... These are all fantastic, dude. Let's start it from the beginning here. Hold on. And I don't like people who do smoke. If you're sitting there watching this tape smoking your cigarette, well,

hit the fast-forward button because I don't smoke and I don't like people who do smoke. God, hit the fast-forward button is amazing. Hit the fast-forward... I to start using that for real. Hi, I'm Maurice. I'm an executive by day and a wild man by night. If I don't say so myself, I'm a wild man by night. Like dude, imagine this guy being an executive in the day. And then at night just tie around the forehead, just holding three Coronas and some shots, dick out of his cargo pants, just like being like, oh, that's awesome, call Phil.

Early to rise makes a woman healthy, wealthy, and wise. Ah, dude, why are they talking like, each guy that happens is more like the last guy and This guy is dressed To him this guy has a dope outfit on for real What was he fucking saying a Pitcher in the 80s. That's why you're wiser than me. It's Steven. Hi, my name is Phil Most my friends call me Big Phil

I'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo if you're not afraid to let the wind mess your hair up a little bit when I Take the top down. I Mean and then all that's that that'll be the that'll be the moment that I slice you in the neck I'll slice you in the neck if you take your hair down and it gets out of place Cuz I'd get here to be in place and psych I didn't even want to take my Gets take my tuxedo to the beach. so I'll cut you I'll cut you like a fucking I'll cut you like a stuck Irish pig you know um

The sponge ball I was pulling him out of a little girl's ear looking for the goddess are you the goddess oh that no there's no way that guy didn't die die of cancer at 38 there's no fucking way he got so skinny, you know? Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman. Has no idea. Has no idea. Has no idea. Is all women. Has no idea what he's got. How'd I know it? How'd I know it, dude?

Had no idea what... Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman. The goddess is the woman. The goddess is any woman. The goddess is all women. Dude, just fucking diarrhea mouth. You know, just a figure that is sexy, slim, tight, excellent legs, excellent legs, dude, that's that, that is the most 80s part about this. They need excellent legs, dude. 80s part about this.

They need excellent legs, dude. If somebody in 2024 said, one of the things I like on my women is they have to have excellent legs. You'd be like, Oh dude, this guy fucking sucks. You know, like, are you what? Like where do you, where would you say it out at night at a sandwich shop? Like walking with someone? She needs to have excellent legs. That is just crazy 80s.

It's fucking Patrick Bateman in the... Life is a playground and I want somebody to play with. I'm interested in most phases of data processing. Andrew Santino. I'm really... Oh, well that guy, that'll get him wet. Looking for somebody I can feel special about and I don't encounter people like that very often,

and I'm hoping you're one of them. Remember when there was like, ah, there's someone for everyone, you know? Remember when you were growing up, you'd be like, ah, there's someone for everyone, even the fucking weirdo Terry, you know, from in social studies. We have social studies together, and it'll be even someone for him. And then you grow up and you're like, no, no, no, no, no. There are people that are for everyone and those are cool people. And then those people fuck all the cool people.

And then those people fuck all the cool people and then Terry is alone Because there's no one for Terry because Brad already fucked everyone You know and Then you see a thing like this and you're like wow these guys forge Hi, my name is Mike and if you're sitting there watching this tape smoking your cigarette well hit the fast-forward

button because I don't smoke and I don't like people who do smoke I think I literally looks like a potato with stuff on it hi I'm Maurice more executive by day and a wild man by night early to rise makes robot a woman healthy robot and wise oh that's why you're wiser than me it's Stephen hi my name is Stephen most my friends call me

big Phil I'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo if you're not afraid to let the wind mess your hair up a little bit when I take the top down has the straightest face when he just stabs over and over again up into the jugular and make sure he gets under the jaw, too Get your you got sand on my tuxedo Your hair's out of place Newscaster this guy like a sponge ball. I was pulling him out of a little girl's ear. I'm looking for the goddess This one's the best. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess?

The goddess is the woman, is a woman, is any woman, is all women. Oh, oh, oh, that is sexy, slim, tight, excellent legs. Crazy. Oh, excellent legs. Hmm. Then this guy looks like Casey Kasem. There's a playground and I want somebody to play with. Wow. Interested in most phases of data processing. I'm interested in most phases of data processing, you know? Hey guy, skip that part. Hey guy, talk about a long walk on the beach or anything else. Hey guy, dude, what woman would give a rat's ass about a guy being like,

I'm really into data processing. I'll go one further. Who knows what data processing it is? Besides just the obvious, oh, you just kind of look at shit and then figure it out. The internet is just not allowed. They're just not allowed. Look at these baby boomer.

I just now I'm just clicking baby boomers names that are on the brink of extinction. You can't have a name be extinct, but here we go. Chuck. That's a good name. Chuck. Bernie. Well, that'll die with Bernie Sanders maybe. Um, Al.

Al's Al will come back. Hal. Okay. Just a lot of that just added an H to the, people don't like that. Al sound Timmy really yeah, you don't meet many Timmy's anymore. Do you? Young Kimmy's Dom Dom will come back. I feel like so far. I think Al and Dom super tiny ones. They'll come back Bob that's not true. So many people are going to be named Bob forever. Vern, dude.

That's one that is, if your name is Vern, I'm going to name it. My third kid, I'm going to name him Vern. Fuck it. That Vern is dope. Vern. Hey Vern. Vernon. Right?

Yeah. Mitch. That's not a bad name. Woody. That's a cool name. Carrie. Yeah, that's a cool name. Stan. Well, you can't even get Stan anymore.

Nikki, that's a cool name. Vinnie, well, it's my uncle. Kurt, that's a bad one. Wally is kind of bad. All right, this is, who cares, huh? Lorne, that's a terrible fucking name. Lorne. That's a terrible fucking name. Lorne. What is this? What is this, mate?

Central Sea freestyling. Oh hell yeah. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Hey, yo, let's get it. Bring it back. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Hey, yo, let's get it. Bring it back. I said that my bitch was gay. Got a billion streams on my mainstream rapper.

He shot coke and sold whole house. My bro, the mainstream trapper. They come around and get dead and be fucked for free. We don't pay these baddies. Don't get confused. It's 90% grand and 10% talent. I want to get paid and stay out the way. So what's with all of the chatting?

If I'm feeling sad, then how did the ox go, bro? I can only imagine. I'm some- Dude, British rap is awesome. I don't even know what they're saying. I don't even know what they're saying. I don't even know what they're saying. I don't even know what they're saying. I don't even know what they're saying. I don't's with all of the chatting if I'm feeling sad then how did I also bro? I can only imagine. I'm sorry.

Dude, British rap is awesome. I don't even know what they're saying and it's English I'm still not used to the lifestyle, but slowly adapting. I'm planning to exit route I'm trying to be 30 years old and repping. Call me a cheat, but I own up to it. So you can't call me a liar I never did drugs. What I did was sell them. So you can't call me a fire If I die before I get rich you could call me broke But at least I tried I'm not the type to hide my emotion even though I'm a G I cried his frozen concert and left our lips. I may never find a companion. This is like not Yeah, he's good. You know, I'm not saying it's bad but like

He's and and dude, let me just say the guy's handsome. I don't really know a thing about this guy. Handsome dude, chick's obviously gonna love him, or do love him, I don't know how big he is. I've heard his name before, so he's pretty big. But this is like, honestly, if you gave him four more tattoos, he's an island boy. And, you know, no disrespect a bitch from the Hamptons. Remember the times when the line weren't ringing, I never had nobody calling. Like eight in the morning,

Poli storming and not gonna give you a warning. I'm missing the times I'd walked down Shoreditch without fans recording. First time that I stepped in a band though, bro, I was only a school kid. Growing up quick in the pocket. I don't know, I straight up am old. I don't know what he's saying.

And I can tell it's good, but I don't know. I don't have a clue. And a bone in a bone in a bone that's something only known in. And that's one talking, talking, walking, walking, walking, walking. When I can't do, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find,

find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find,

find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, I got a backpack, back in the fucking. Stacking the box and I'm stacking. I don't know, dude dude I'm a British rapper and that's it we did it fellas thank you very much I'll see you Oxnard I'll see you soon in Oxnard and I'll see you in McAllen, Texas and Beaumont, Texas and Kentucky? Am I going there? Lexington, yeah. I appreciate y'all.

Go to chrisaleah.com to get tickets. And that's it for the episode on YouTube. And if you want to watch the rest of the episode, the uncut, the longer episode, you go to the Thank you very much. You also become a producer of this show and also you are... If you're on a Patreon, you're the only reason why this show exists. So thank you very much. I appreciate you. Bye-bye. Okay.