Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 400. Keep The Same Energy

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

😮 Get a shoutout on this show at holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. It's the 400th episode of Congratulations and guess what? Nothing special is happening because that's what Chris wanted to do. But we are gonna check in on Michael Caine, talk about catching frogs, and watch some videos. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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how much more rewarding your hustle can be. Get up to $1,800 in value when you apply for the CIBC Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash Aventura Business. Terms and conditions apply. RUNK. Hey, what's up episode 400 episode 400 of Congratulations welcome everybody never thought we'd be here alas we are here so welcome to episode 400 of congratulations Dude Dude, shout out to the music, huh? To the music, the OG music that we just had by Mr. Green. The OG music, that's how it started at the episode 400.

It started early, early on in the episode number one, actually, which leads me to, this is great, because I feel like I wanted to do something special for you guys at the 400th episode. There will be, we are releasing something on the Patreon. We are going to release, there is a lost episode of Congratulations. It is the first episode of congratulations that has ever existed.

Well, it didn't exist. It does now it does exist. It just was never released. And it is. It was before the first episode. It was the first episode that I did. I did it alone with nobody in here. There was no producer, no nothing.

We set up the mic and he left and he was like, all right, maybe we'll record something this week. And I just sneakily came in and pressed record and did like a quote unquote show, a podcast for, um, uh, 40 minutes or so, 40, 50 minutes. And, um, I, I, I never released it. I was like, ah, that'll be the practice one. Let's just do a real one. And I'm gonna put on the Patreon for the Patreon babies,

we'll put them out there, so go to patreon.com slash Kristalia to get that one. It's the first one ever, it's so weird to hear. I heard the first few seconds of it and it's, sweared. And just weird to think about me back then in this room. Well, there was, yeah, it was just super odd. Anyway, um, uh, so there's that.

And that is the, I guess, I don't know, whenever anyone wants to do something like special for something, they say, Hey, here's a treat, you know? And I'm not going to do that. But if I was the person to do that, it's a treat. And sometimes people bring me on stage as the guest, the special guest, and they say, you guys are in for a treat, you know? And I don't like that because I'm not Halloween candy.

And they do that with people who are not on the lineup and then are announced at the show, right? Like, you know, if you have TV credits, they'll be like, you guys are in for a treat, I tell ya. So you come up and then often, if you're a comedian, because we are insecure, we go up and we think that, oh, these people are not, they didn't like this treat. Why is you're going up there?

No, they didn't clap enough. They don't like this treat. They don't even know what this treat is. It's like being in a foreign country and getting a, a, a, a candy bar that doesn't exist in America. You're like, I never even knew about this one. Um, so, uh, it is the 400th episode. So, it is the 400th episode. I was thinking about, you know, doing something crazy,

and I didn't wanna. You know what, dude? Didn't wanna. I was thinking about it. And I go like this, what would the Congratulations fans want? And then I thought, something special. And then I go like this, dude, what would they want even more than that and then I thought about this they'd want me to respect them so much that I did what I wanted to I'm comfortable enough to do the 400th episode the way I want to and you know what I wanted to do what I wanted to do and that was nothing special so what I wanted so here's what I wanted to do. And that was nothing special. It's what I wanted. So

here's what it is. It's the 400th episode. And it may as well be the 320th episode. Because it's not special. It's what I wanted. And that is my gift to you is being so respect... being so... being so respectful with what I want. You're welcome. Anyway, this episode 400, well, I said 400 so much so far in this episode. I guess I would probably say there's never been a day where I said the word 400 more than today. And I'm 44 44 which is crazy. I got dates coming up in McAllen Texas

September 5th, Mebomont Texas, Peterborough Ontario, London Ontario, Duluth Minnesota, Thunder Bay Ontario, where is it? Lexington, Kentucky for some reason, Birmingham, a bunch of different places in Alabama for some reason, Sudbury Ontario made it up, Toronto, Ontario, finally love it. Bismarck, North Dakota. Why? Go to crystallia.com to get tickets. Um, who lives in Bismarck and well, we'll find out, won't we?

Uh, had a little AI, uh, what do you call it? Uh, I hired a guy to do an AI, to do AI art, okay? Let me emphasize this. Hired, okay? Employed someone, okay? Right? Employed someone to do work, okay? So, okay, so fattened his pockets, okay? So put a little weight on it. So needed, okay, so needed to tighten the belt, alright? Had somebody... just legitimately had to hike his pants up, okay? This is a real thing that I put some green in his pocket, alright? I put something the color of duck shit in his front pocket, okay?

You understand? So employing someone, all right? And guess what that guy is? An artist, okay? So to make my straight out of the multiverse tour, go to chrisley.com and get tickets. All the cities are up. There's gonna be even more.

Just go check it out. I was half a blast on my website. And went to... where am I here? This has been happening lately actually. I think it's because I'm 44. My brain will just go, nah, never mind. No. And then this is what happens. I'll almost forget what I'm gonna say, and then I'll go, oh well, I didn't forget. Wow, this is so true. This is exactly what I do when I forget something.

I almost forget what I'm gonna say, but I don't forget. I still have it. You know how you can kind of be like, oh, I got some on the tail of my tongue? And then I go like this every time. It'd be a shame if my brain goes like this ah fucking lose that and as I'm doing that my brain goes nah push it back further and then I can't ever have it again remembered it yes got out of

that one so I remember it now so AI art um hired a guy to do it, okay? Made the whole poster, made the whole thing. It's got the, you know, me as a superhero on it. You've seen it. It's got the Hulk, it's got the transgender Batman. I can't remember what it is, but anyway, it has the purple-ish Spider-Man and all that stuff. Anyway, the metrics that were coming back,

Anyway, the metrics that were coming back, the data that was coming back, that's what you would say, I guess, was not like how it used to be before it. And I was like, what's going on? People aren't seeing this ad. And I was like, why is that happening? People aren't seeing this ad and I was like, why is that happening? It was happening specifically with Facebook meta. And they just released a thing where they were like, we are, what do you call it?

Sub, what do you call it? What's the word I'm looking for? Suppressing. Suppressing. AI art ads and AI that you try to boost the ads and all that stuff and I was like... But dude I put something the color of duck shit in a guy's pocket. You know I'm saying? What the fuck? It's like oh yeah AI jobs are taken and hey hey Meta

what how dare you how do you do that when you're AI I mean you can't even walk into Facebook without everybody in Facebook now knowing you're there. The average person walking around gets captured on surveillance camera two dozen times a day. And that might be true. Okay, the only reason why I say that might be true is because I did hear it once from a documentary about the making of forensic files. So it's probably true, but I don't know what year that came out. And if it came out five years ago, it might be way more than two dozen.

That documentary is. I don't like it. I don't want to know how they make the fucking how they make the sauce, you know, just show me the murder. I saw the documentary and the forensic fines forensic fines forensic files thing and it was like It's so weird because they go through it's so successful and the guy and the guy who made it It's been like 25 years has been on like longer than like Saturday live and shit, you know, and it's just like I Mean it hasn't but they were just like oh it

I mean, it hasn't, but they were just like, oh, it is, I can't get back to the AR art story, but this is how it goes here. 400th episode, nothing different. The forensic files documentary, they were like saying like, well, my favorite episode to make was, this guy murdered these three women on a boat and we were out you know and the way that they're talking about it I'm like oh yeah dude

but a guy still murdered three women on a boat though so it wasn't your best episode so my favorite episode was so here's what happened this father came home strangled his whole family all right and it was a blast because we all got to go to Martha's Vineyard, get the fake blood, and reenact everything. Right, yeah, no, dude, that was the worst episode. Okay? Okay?

You're demonic, okay? Can we agree you're demonic? And can we agree you're sociopath? Nice to meet you, okay? Now, back to the AI art. I changed it. I changed it now.

I changed it to a photo of me, dude. And all of a sudden, I'm Johnny sells tickets. And that's the truth, dude. It, it skyrocketed. So dude, I'm like, oh my God. And then I'm like, that sucks. We're beholden to the social media. We're, we're beholden to the algorithm, dude. It's too bad, man.

But Johnny sells his tickets. As long as it's not AI, but it's just like so much. Treason out. There's so much treason out there. there's so much jealousy and there's so much, you know, there's just so much treason. Speaking of websites, I thought, well, didn't want to do anything special, but I wanted to update you guys on But I wanted to update you guys on the Michael Caine's website.

Okay. Hasn't changed a lick. Okay. Michael Caine. Remember that Michael Caine website episode? That was like one of the big, big ones, website. And he had two pictures on the gallery, you know, and I was like, oh, well, it's obviously under construction. And he was, dude, the way he's pointing on stage.

Dude, he points like that in every movie, dude. There's a wide shot of him doing that. And a medium shot. And here's the gallery, there's a gallery. of him doing that and a medium shot. And, uh, here's the gallery. There's a gallery, two picks, dude, they're still there, dude. And one of the picks I'm pretty sure is of Donald Sutherland, not him. So that's great. That's just fantastic.

And the other picture has three pictures of him in it. So that's unbelievable. So shout out to Michael Caine for keeping it real, dude. Did he retire yet? He retired, right? What's that? Apparently right. Yeah. But he'll be fucking, he'll still come out. I'll do it. We did 31 episodes of this show before we started doing video. The first video was the episode with the Morris McAvoy one video.

So that was the first time that was that was probably why the show got so big, why it popped off, you know, just because of them. Thank you. So thank you. What's his name? Nelson Kane, Michael Kane. Good. So, yeah, it feels good though, dude.

I'm in my new house. We still don't have all the furniture in. So that's just how it's gonna be. High stress time. You know, it's one thing about moving and being with a partner, a wife, husband, whatever it is, whatever floats your boat. It's really great when you move, you don't argue a lot.

So isn't that great? So if you're having trouble in your relationship, and I'm not saying I am, but I'm not, but you could say, hey, why don't we move? Because that will just add a whole bunch of stress and then we'll focus on only that and we won't argue more because the stress is high, okay? I was, oh, actually, you know what?

You know what, dude? I'm in this house now, this is the old house, okay? We still have all this stuff here. Sold it, okay? Or selling it, sorry. put it on the market. Dude, and I wanna talk about this, this bitch ass article comes out, I put it on Instagram, and it says, hold on, this is so, so, look at this.

Let me get this up here, because this is crazy. I put this on Instagram, I'm the man. Where is it? Here we go, here we go, here we go. Here. Look at the headline, dude. Look at how stupid. Disgraced U-Star Chris D'Alia puts L.A. Home on the market for 3.75 million, four years after misconduct says misconduct scandal

dude hey you know what first of all not a star from you I was on three episodes and I got thrown down a stair okay second of all I'm just moving okay has no has nothing to do with four years ago third of all dude okay a lot of stuff has happened since four years ago so why don't you just say hey Crystal Leah puts LA Home on the market three months after he went to the grocery store and tried fucking something for the first time with his family. Why? Because he clicked bad assholes! And dude, it's so crazy, because here's even further, it's a realtor, celebrity real estate. Wait, what is this? Realtor.com, dude. They want clicks. So go for it, go click it.

But realtor.com crazy. So if this is, they're doing it because it's realtor news, then why don't they, why don't they report on how I bought a house two weeks before this twice as much? Why don't they do that? Oh, because it's not about? Oh Because it's not about Realtor it's not about how so it's about clicks. So y'all are motherfucking bitch asses

Your bitch asses. Did you know that? Your bitch asses that's bitch play a hatin shit dude That's that is bitch ass shit. And because of that... That's the end of the sentence. That is so silly, dude. How do you expect people to just buy your shit when you lie like that? I mean, you know, you did it with enough verbiage

to make it okay yeah and also dude you star. They should have said monk star. So anyway that's so silly and then then I looked at and then I and then I don't ever see this stuff, but then I looked up the person who wrote it and she wrote something, I can't remember what, now I can't even remember. It was like, she used to write like soft porn or something. I can't remember, it was something stupid like that. And I'm just like, and people just see the headline

and be like, oh, he's down. Nah. I mean, you know, some days I get down. I don't know him. Me. Uh, but the new house I'm in is so funny. We were at, uh, I put, I actually put it on Instagram. Um, and, uh, what did I put actually put it on Instagram. And what did I put it here? Hold on a second.

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making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships and skill development, plus resources for artists and athletes. Learn more at rbc.com support youth. Oh, oh Calvin, um, there was a there was a dude there's like did I talk about how there's frogs at my house? Did I? I think so. Yeah. All right. So let me get more into it.

There's frogs at my house. It's, it's, there's like, like, it's like, it's like, it's like a, honestly, a, um, a rave for frogs in my grass. That's what it's like past. Sundown. It's, it's, it's not like there's some frogs in my grass. It's like, Oh dude, this is a rave. Is this what, where frogs come to get high and fuck each other?

Like there's just so many. It's like, uh, wood, woodstock like just because they're all muddy. You know what I mean? And they're just naked and, um, just, they're, cause they're all muddy, you know what I mean? And they're just naked. And, um, you can get warts if you rub on them. Like it's just straight up woodstock for frogs. And so, uh, they're big ones, little ones. And I'm like, dude, I'm a city boy.

I'm not really, but you know, I kinda, I'm close enough to, I don't go outdoor, I'm not outdoor, I'm indoorsy. You know what I mean? I'm indoorsy, not outdoorsy. And I walk outside on the, on the, on the, on the, in the front, and I all of a sudden see, you know, it looks like my front lawn is snap, crackle and popping.

And I look closer and it's because there are frogs dancing. Okay. I'm like, okay. Now I really, I leaned in closely and I did hear very, very faintly, how am I doing, how am I right now? And so there were frogs. And so I say, so Dadmo took over. And I say, hey, Calvin, get out here.

Look at this. Now I'm not, I'm indoorsy. And I don't want it, any kind of animal, I don't want them really on me. Honestly, dude, if I'm gonna be honest, even a dog. Like, I'll touch you, dog. But if I'm on doing my shit, and no, I can't say that, some dogs are so cute.

And cats. Yeah, dogs and cats. Anything else, though, bunny. No, bunnies can be fucking mean and have red eyes and shit. Anything else. I'll tell you what, anything scaly or slimy, don't ever touch me and I will never touch. I don tell you what, anything scaly or slimy, don't ever

touch me and I will never touch. I don't want it near me, okay? And but but but Dad Mode took over and I was like, Calvin come out here. I want to show him. I want him to experience frogs. I'm like excited and he comes out and he says, oh my gosh! He sees the frogs and immediately goes and tries to grab them and I'm like, oh whoa okay, wow. And then Kristen comes out, she grabs him because she came up in the backwoods. And so he's grabbing them, the frogs, and I'm like, oh, wow, that's amazing.

Okay, good, oh, good. She's grabbing the frogs, he's like, I'm gonna grab the frog. I can just act like maybe I've grabbed, oh wow, that's amazing. Okay, good, oh good. She's grabbing the frogs. She's like, I'm gonna grab the frog. I can just act like maybe I've grabbed frogs one day, but I can just be like, yeah, get the frog. Okay, cool. So anyway, I'm like, oh, well that's crazy. But then we walk in and I'm like,

oh, it's kind of weird. Like, I don't want to have amphibians out, like five feet away, not even, from where I'm like watching TV. I don't want amphibians five feet away from my cereal. You know what I'm saying? Like it's just, no. And so, amphibians should never be near a digital clock.

That's period. And so, I'm like, all right, well, you know, Um... So... I'm like, alright, well, you know... Maybe every now and then a frog will come in. But guess what, dude? I got Kristen. She can run from the maglins.

She can get the frogs. Okay? So that's... I guess it was always home. Kristen. Why? Because she fucking ain't going anywhere. So I'm like, alright. Got it made. Okay. Um, so now Kristen is like, I have to go do school, you know, she's trying to be a therapist. So she has the zoom on her computer and I go, great. She goes upstairs. She goes upstairs. Calvin literally opens the back door and goes,

Oh no, oh dad, look a frog came in. And I go, oh fuck, I got two hours now that I got to live with this frog. Because I'm, hey, oh dude, I'm not getting it out. So if a frog jumps in my house and I live there alone, I live with the frog now. That's just what happens. I try not to bother him. I certainly don't. I don't bug him.

We watch what I want to watch unless, you know, it gets really crazy and I can tell he wants something else. And if he really wants to watch something else like the animal planet, then I will turn that on because I like it too and I don't want him bugging me if he's like on me. So I don't like animals in my house. Dogs and cats are fine.

So dogs are fine, cats smell like piss. And so I'm like, I'm gonna, I live with it. So now I have, so now I live with a frog for two hours because I'm going to wait until Kristen is done to get this frog out. The frog hops around a few times, Calchase is a little bit laughing, hops around, goes into the corner.

Great, it's in the corner for a while. Okay, cool. I'm like, okay, keep an eye on it. So now I'm watching TV, also keep an eye on the frog while I'm watching TV. I'm watching TV. I'm watching that fucking documentary bleached and soaked in bleach about Kurt Cobain and how Courtney love may have may have killed Kurt Cobain. And I still also got all eyes on the frog.

All eyes on frog. And so. And so I'm like eyeing it and then like 40 minutes in I'm like man that frog ain't ain't that frogs like deseret dude cuz it ain't moving right and I'm like okay so this frog is not moving moving. I didn't know frogs will just chill for like, they hop a lot, you know what I mean? But they'll also just chill for like nine years. And so, like a spider, you know how you'll have like a long, daddy long legs or something? And you'll be, you know how you like fall asleep? You know how you see a spider and you fall asleep and then you wake up and the spider will still be there? And then like you'll go to school or you'll go to work

and you'll come back and then the spider will still be there and you're like, yo, you're so boring, spider. Frogs do that. I didn't know that because why would a frog do that when they could hop around and shit? So I'm like, all right, well, that frog's doing that. And that's cool. Frogs are like spiders.

So I'm like, okay, I got two hours, frog's got two hours, Chris will come down, get the frog, she came from the backwoods, she'll get it and throw it out into the backwoods. But 45 minutes later, I'm like, wait a minute, Calvin wanted to grab the frogs outside. So I'm like, he's probably gonna be bad at trying to catch a frog

because he's never done it before, but I bet that he'll go for it. And I can act like I'm teaching him to catch frogs, even though I'm scared shitless of frogs, right? Do you understand what I'm saying? I can act like, hey, time to become a man and get this frog. I'm not going to lie to him and be like, I've caught many frogs in my day. I'm just going to have the air that, oh, hey, a frog's in the house.

This stuff happens. Try and grab it yourself. Or we're going to leave it in here, hey, and it'll be a lesson. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Shit, just coming out of my... And so... This died, by the way. So... Now I'm like, okay, get... Oh, no, okay, now it's charging. Now I'm like, okay... Hey, Cal. He's like, yeah? I was like, the frog's charging. Now I'm like, okay, what, hey Cal, he's like, yeah.

I was like, the frog's still over there, not funny. Like dude, look, such a bitch, you know, 44. And he was like, what? And I was like, it's still over there in the corner. And he was like, what? I said, yeah, he's a whale. I said, right over there. Now, let me tell you what should be, honestly,

an Olympic event. No, it shouldn't be an Olympic event. It should be how you get... you know what it should have been in Indiana Jones? You know how at the end of Indiana Jones, I forget which one it was, maybe the Holy Grail, he was looking for something. It might have even been the Holy Grail. And they were like, you have to take a leap of faith and jump and walk out onto this abyss. And the guy's like, what? And he does it and then you realize that, oh, the abyss, there's a plank on the abyss and it looks like the abyss

and it's just painted to look like it and he lived. And even as a kid I was like, Dad, why didn't you just try to feel it with his hand? And my dad said, well then there's no movie. And I was like, okay, but whatever. But that's none, that has nothing to do with this. So that was difficult for Indiana Jones, right? And then he had to at the end guess which was the real Holy Grail. And the one guy drank from the wrong one because it was a beautiful chalice. And then he was like, is that the right word? And then he was like, I mean, Jean was like, nah, it would be this one,

which is the old looking one, because that's the Holy one and why would it be new looking? And he was right. Anyway, he had to figure it all out. The thing that he should have had to do that would have been the hardest thing to do is try and point at something for a toddler to go get it because you, you, if you go like this, Hey, look, you, there could be an open room if you have a four-year-old in there and you

say hey dude if there's an open room with a sock in the in the in if you have a bowling alley okay and it's just straight and the sock is in the middle of the bowling alley and you say hey Calvin grab that sock for me. Uh, it's like... You know what it's like for them? Trying to look in one of those fucking 3D abstract things that when you pull away slowly, it becomes dolphins jumping out of water. Like, they can't...

I... Dude, my son, I'm like, right there. Right there. There it is. Right there. The sock is right there. Where? There. Where? You turn around to the left. They can't say left. So walk a little bit forward. He walks forward. Now turn around and then he does like a spin and I'm like not all the way Half the way and I'm like, you don't know what half is. All right Take a few steps in the direction you are right now and then he he does it. And then he does it in a curvy way.

And I'm like, okay, no. So, all right, so turn your head this way. And then he does it the other way because he's looking at you and he's doing the mirror image and you're like, for fuck's sake, dude. So, and not to mention, that's a sock. This frog is moving, dude.

It wasn't, but it could. So I'm like, and it's under a thing in a corner. So I'm like right there, you see? And I'm trying to do it could so I'm like and it's under a thing in a corner So I'm like right there you see and I'm trying to do like and I'm like and in the beginning. I'm like I'm lazy I'm not gonna get up and then halfway through it becomes I'm become like alright, dude. I'm not getting up because This should work out Like I'm being like well fuck this dude. We're gonna get this Like I'm being like, well fuck this dude, we're gonna get this. So he finally gets to where the frog is.

I'm like, thank God. I'm like, you see it? And dude, he's right here like, he's right here like this. And I'm like, so it's in front of you. He's like, well. And I'm just like, oh my God, dude. It, it, if it, the only, it could only be closer if it was in your mouth. You know? And I'm like, under it, you see under it? And he goes, oh yeah, finally, right? And I said, yeah, you can try to get it if you want.

We should put them outside. And he goes, oh right. And he goes to grab it. The frog just goes, just, you know, all over. I'm like, oh, the frog lives here now, right? Hopping all around, I put a picture, a video up on Instagram, you go look at it. But he eventually got it, dude.

And he threw it outside gently, and he did it. And I'm like, whoa, dude, I got away with pretending like I was the man, super in charge, dad shit, and not scared when,... well I basically just tricked him, you know? And now I feel shitty. Hmm. Whatever though.

I guess it's okay, you know, I didn't lie, so that's good. I didn't lie. I was like, hey you got him man. I'm so proud of you. All right, buddy. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So anyway, I went to the... Dude, how about this hot dog eating contest? What, why are they like, why are they, why are they still, well, I guess people watch it, right? But that's just so utterly disgusting that they do a hot dog eating contest. And they did it live for Netflix. It's a perfect thing to do live for Netflix, by the way, hot dog eating context, contact contest. Netflix, by the way, hot dog eating contests, contest, contest.

Um, Joey chest, not right. One over, uh, what was his name? Hideo Nomo Kobayashi and, uh, absolutely racist what I just did, but it's okay. And, um, nobody could get hurt. And so, um, Kobayashi lost in 10 minutes. It's a, it was, it's a 10 minute thing by the way. How many hot dogs you can eat in 10 minutes? I said it to my producer and my producer goes like this, oh wait, I thought he retired. And I'm like, yeah, they probably co they probably coaxed him out of retirement. You know what I mean? Which is hilarious to think of,

like, oh, hey, I'm done with the hot dog eating. And it's like, yeah, but we want you to come back. Yeah, but I'm retired. Nah, but what about if we pay you? No, I don't want to. Yeah, but everybody's got a price. You know what I mean? Like, and this is the guy's like, nah, I don't want to yeah, but everybody's got a price. You know what I mean? Like and this is the guys like nice set of retired. I was like yeah, but we'll pay you this much

Okay, I really I just got to eat a bunch of fucking hot dogs So it's like it's not like you really ever retired you can't retire from a job that isn't really actually a job You still kind of do that no matter what you know You still kind of do that, no matter what, you know? As a matter of fact, I ate four hot dogs once when I was like, you know, I remember at this birthday party, I kind of, one of my jobs is a hot dog eating contest. Because, contestant, because that's too many. Four is too many. So, I will tell you though, 88 is way too many. And that's, so you ate something like that, Joey Chestnut ate that many,

uh, or some 80 something. And, and beat, I do, I just love thinking of him being like, nah, Kobayashi retired though. Yeah, but we need to do this live event. Nah, well we're gonna throw a bunch of money at him, a bunch of people watching. Nah, Kobayashi, will you do it? Nah, please. I said no. And then later on something happens that, you know, like a bunch of people watching. Nah, could we actually, will you do it? Nah, please, I said no.

And then later on something happens that, you know like in one of those corny movies, something happens where he like looks at it and then reflects and then he calls the fucking Netflix and he's like, hello, Netflix, I'm in. Ba-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum Um...... Just... Or even... You know?

Just throwing... Just hot dogs up and just... And I, um... And then I'm like, Joey Chestnut 1x20. And then I'm just like Chestnut won by 20 and then I'm just like hey Joey Chestnut stop after you won by two. You know? Hey it's like well we should really get a good lead hey dude two's enough that's a whole meal hey gross guy cool it 18 cool it 18. Cool it 18. Hey, you won by 20 hot dogs. It's so funny to be like, yeah, I won by a landslide.

Dude, you won by eight families meals. That's disgusting. You're gonna die. Also, why have you not died yet? Right? I think you die if you eat a hundred hot dogs, period, in your life. And these guys just straight up chomp 90 in 10 minutes. How? Dude, also also chestnut. The gayest name. There is not a name gayer than chestnut and I will tell you this. Me just saying that guy like your name is taint mouth. That is like, that is the gayest.

I just also chestnut is a gay thing. I mean chestnut? Is that is it food or what it is? So that's weird to have your last name be chestnut and you just kill it eating hot dog. Well, you know, a lot of times I don't agree that we're living in a matrix or like we're living in the matrix or like we're like, you know Plugged in but you know, then you see shit like that and you're like maybe Maybe That and the fact that we're just supposed to believe that you can call somebody on the cell phone fuck out of here Huh?

No wires Get out of here. Like even the most basic shit, like you can make a hammer the fuck out of here. This is not the matrix. Sometimes I get in one of those. I'm just like, get out of here. Paper comes from trees? What am I, a fucking asshole?

Unplugged in. I knew it, dude. I knew it. How'd you know? Me, as soon as I unplug. Hey, how'd you know? I knew it, how'd you know about me when I unplug as soon as I unplug? Hey, how'd you know? I knew it. How'd you know? Paper from trees? Fuck out of here. Yeah, no, I know It is really actually that's fucking weird right that they would believe that Not even to mention the Joey chestnut thing the hot dog and it was like why would you put two things in there?

The food the chestnut and then the hot dogs and then also Cellphones like we're supposed to believe and satellites the fuck out of here. Um, you're right. Morpheus. Yes. Yes, you're right. It's not even Morpheus. It's just fucking this guy. And so, why when I talk during this podcast,

my eyes get blurry? It really happens all the time. Says the most watched congratulations episode, just because it's the 400th episode, is human, obviously, because that's the one I came back from my break. And then Crap-Ola with my brother in 2019. And then it was... Oh, the one right before I took my break, of course.

And then the next one with my brother. Huh. Interesting. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers' internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. Wow, look at that.

That's cool. Let's look at some Deservets, just for good old time. You know what I mean? Grinding on a dock rail. What's going on here? Okay. ["Sugar Don't Taste That Bad To Me"] Wow, that's great. That is so great.

Off the dock and it went in the ocean. I don't know if there's anything more deserved than that honestly because that's exactly what you deserve dude. Hey you're grinding on a dock rail with a scooter by the way not even a skateboard so you're worse than a skateboarder you know? You're dorkier than a skateboarder and you're you and the scooter goes in. If you say, what does this guy deserve? You don't deserve to die. You don't deserve to break your shins.

You deserve to lose the scooter and have it at least get wet and go to, it goes in there, you can't get it. You gotta dive in and get it. That's great. 10, 10 on the deserved scale. That's good we have a 10, 10 on deserved scale on the 400th episode

I'll say I'll say How to not make a fool of yourself I Chilled So hard after that how do you good? He got knocked out so hard he became cooler like he that he they thought that wall fucked him up into someone else became cooler. Like he, that wall fucked him up into someone else. The people who meet him later that know him and they're like, what? Dude, have you seen what happened to Jake? What? I don't think it was when he was at the fucking, um, Emirate Open or whatever the fuck they call it.

Dude, how did he, you know what it looked like it glitched? That's another reason we're plugged in, you can tell. He just stopped, motioned, into that fucking wall. And then became... Dude, became... Oh, dude! Became, honestly, so polite. That guy fucked himself up.

It's amazing. Just fucking, he's like Wolverine basically. He healed immediately. That's how Wolverine trips. But also, se bitch. Here's another se bitch maybe. Is that a bitch or is that she died? And when someone does a full on the back of your heel touches the back of your head and they don't die, I'm actually, that's another reason we're not plugged in or that we are

plugged in. I'm just like mystified because if that happened to me, I would just think, oh, I hope I die now. I hope that was it. My life's gonna be different after this and I liked my life so I hope this is it. I'm not a scorpion. This, first time on the slide.

I mean, not... also, how about this? Not a slide. Just jumping onto your chest. Trying to hear a... Oh my god. Oh my god. Just fucking goodbye discs. At a young age too, you know? I don't need these.

That's not a slide, that's a life shortener. That's like the Porsche I just got that called it, they called it the, I looked it up, uh, and they call it the, the, the widow maker. And I'm just like, okay, that makes me feel bad. I'm married. Yes, I'll drive that. Wasn't that a Harrison Ford movie? That was one of those Harrison Ford movies when he started making, when he started making

movies where it was like, what the fuck is Harrison Ford doing? Now he's making good movies again. He's Red Hulk, right? He's Red Hulk. Dude, there's Red Hulk. Hey dude, that's dorky. But you know what else is dorky? Green Hulk.

So there's nothing more dorky about Red Hulk now that I think about it. There's also other colored hulks from different, who cares? Oh yeah, what I'm saying doesn't matter at all. Just makes me laugh, you know, it's just like, road rage. Got some road rage right here. You guys are all fucking spinning and disturbing. Just because it's 4th of July doesn't mean

you can give a fucking dick. Didn't we see that? You're drunk as fuck. Fuck you, dog. You're the one swerving, I was just following you. We saw this, didn't we? Well, I've seen this, I don't know if I saw it. Did I see this on the show?

Yeah, it was actually... Oh, there she goes, and okay. Did I see this on the show? Yeah, it was actually... Oh, there she go. Okay. Did I see this on the show? Oh man. She... That's another one of those. I hope I die here.

Just caught in the door in another car. Just so drunk. She's so drunk. Hold on. Spinning and Stirving. Just so drunk, she's so drunk. Hold on. Spinning and stirving. Dude, that's it right there. Well, you're all fucking spinning and stirving. I would do that when I was arguing with my wife. And then she would laugh like hell and I would get

lightning bolt mad. Lightning round. Madness. Lightning round! And so... Just because it's Fourth of July doesn't mean you can gangbang fucking dicks! Just because you're Fourth of July doesn't mean you can gangbang fucking dicks! Doesn't mean you can gangbang fucking dicks! You're drunk as fuck. Fuck you dog, dude.

Nate dog. Lil Twist. Selly Cell. Corrupt. You're the one- Eric Sermon. The one swerving, I was just following- You're the one sterving!

Speaking of sterving, you're the one doing it. I said, sterve. And then she gets out, dude, doesn't put the car in park, which by the way, done it four times in my life, immediately get back in. It's always fine because I'm not drunk, but she is drunk because she said sterving instead of swerving and the cargo she realizes it I'm the one fucking swerving now dude the the the the swerving now that that part where she trails off because she knows she has to get the car man and then when she gets

car man and then when she gets flattened dude like after that she got out and went like the the old cartoons with the bro and just you know she went you know you know she went she became ice cube in there. What song was playing in her car, which is the best, just something from the wall flowers or the one that goes, whatever the, whoever sings that one that goes, I'm falling even more in love with you. Taken by a moment. That one. Life House, right? Is that what it is? Yes! Thought of it. More love whether you Raisin by a moment. I'm with you Fucking life house dude The guy's so calm cuz he knows he won imagine knowing you won that hard in an argument Wow Wow she got crunched dude

She died. Dude, she got crunched to high heaven. Alright, he says. That guy was great. Great, great, great video. It's kind of bitch how everyone videotapes everything now. Like, you know, that's your line of defense. It's never the go- Oh wait, I've seen this one, right?

Hold on. Hey, I'm from the hood, boy. So when you say shit like that, you get me rowdy. No, no, you said keep the same energy. Oh wait, no, I haven't seen that. Hey, no, no, you said keep the same energy. I warned you. Hey, don't change up.

Hey, don't change up. You said keep the same energy. Your boy reported that he hurt you. He's trying to go buy over you. He's trying to go buy over you. You getting corny? He's trying to go corny? Hey, come on, bro, come on, bro. Just chill, just chill, dog. Oh

What Oh, he's coming back what? Wow Wow Oh no. Wow! Wow! This is insane! You can't be serious, dude. Dude, that guy was so concerned with the people keeping the same energy. I can't even believe it, dude.

That guy was so concerned with the people keeping the same energy. I can't even believe it dude. That guy was so concerned with the other people's energy in that car that I mean it's like are you a are you a conductor dude? How honestly did dude that guy what did enter did energy kill his mom or something? This is unbelievable Do that's like a Chris Farley character today just saw I know I already did this but I'm coming back man I just wanted you to know this is the sequel. Hey, uh, I need you to keep the same energy Even though it's been a long time and everyone's energy always changes I need you constantly to always be in the same energy.

No matter what I'm going to come by later. I'm going to find out where you live and I'm just going to be yelling outside your house and make sure you have the same energy. Later on in life. At the, seeing the guy at a lunch place later on at like Togo's. Hey dude. I see you eating that number eight. I just want you to be making trouble.

Make sure you're keeping the same energy, dude. Yeah. You got mayonnaise. Okay. We're Jersey Mike's and he got a Mike's way. Just want to make sure you got him. You're keeping the same energy because I'm from the hood, man. I think I actually said during the argument something I would say, which is I'm the man.

Dude, that is incredible. I'm from the hood he said like he's young cheesy dude hey dude just want to make sure you keep it just nine years later oh dude remember me hey dude yeah I didn't realize you work at this Wells Fargo well I have a checking account here I here. I just wanna make, well, I wanna do two things. I wanna deposit this check and I want you to do it with the same energy. Dude, can't even believe it. Just later on, just become friends with the guy later on,

just like it's fucking, just on the park bench, feeding birds just with canes, dying. We're not always going to be here. You know, it's just like, you know, with my emphysema and stuff, it's really hard, but I just want you to know that I keep this even, even though I'm sick, you know, and I'm 91 with my emphysema. And I know I'm in a wheelchair I still dude I'd have to say I keep the same energy so you better be keeping the same energy man you better be keeping the same

energy because I'm from the hood you know because you gotta keep the same energy because because I'm a I'm the man. Just fucking clear. Hey, dude, where's the guy? Oh no. Where's the guy? I'm right here. Motherfucker just so mad for decades. Dude, I kept this in. I'm exhausted, man. I have to sleep sometimes, right?

But I don't do it. I love coined terms like that. Like that just becomes something in the zeitgeist and then people fucking do it when they get extra like mad. Anyway, whatever. That's, that's it's it I'm done 400 episode yes yes dude thank you to everyone to keep the show going and for the patreon people dude I've got that special hidden episode the first episode the pre-episode the on what do, what do we call it? The what, the episode?

Lost episode, the lost episode. Congratulations. Congratulations. Like that, like lost. Previously on Lost. Like this. ["Lost"] ["Lost"] Previously on Lost. like this. Previously. Why is that funny? That's not funny. That's just straight up

not funny, but it's funny. Holy shit. Previously on Lost... wait hold on let's do it like this Previously on Everybody Loves Raymond Um... uh... uh... uh... uh... you know? Where is it? Ray? Um... so, uh... Dude Previously on Everybody Loves Raymond Uh... it's cold outside...

Oh, no, short snaker Oh, no, short snaker playing Ray Romano, dude Outside! Arnold Schwarzenegger Arnold Schwarzenegger playing Ray Romano, dude Previously on... Everybody loves Ray Raymond with Special Star Fucking, it was so bad, dude Arnold Schwarzenegger Where's my brother? Where Oh, where's my brother? Oh? Where's my keys and my brother? Oh?

This episode is about me well fighting my keys um so anyway um Thank you for listening if you look like it sign up for the patreon patreon.com such Chris Alia 400 episode That's it for YouTube if you like the rat rest, if you want to listen to the rest, it was a doozy. It was a great episode. You want to go, go to the Patreon, Patreon.com slash Chris Alia and you get all the other dude for years. We've been doing this. You get the extra episodes, go sign up.

It also helps us. Thank you very much. You're a fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking