Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 403. G.T.O.A.T. (Greatest Tree Of All Time) (403) | Congratulations Podcast with Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

😮 Holler price drop! Get a shoutout on Congratulations for $25 for the next week: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week we've got the worst Wheel Of Fortune streak ever, Diddy, the Menendez prothers and Ryan Murphy, and an Eminem impression to rival Chris's own. Plus a pretty based tree. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Leah.com Toronto. Going to be fun. Can't wait. Love Toronto. November 9th, playing a meridian hole and It is episode 403 of Yeah, dude, I

Am just Yeah, dude, uh, I am just I'll tell you what I tell you what we actually found the We found somebody you guys remember my M&M impression, right? Of course the more torrent right that one I found a guy who does them and them better than me. So no more they won't sherry I'm shot liver So if you wanna sherry this, well I'll give ya A little bit of weemix or some hot liquor Some vodka that's gonna stop my heart quicker than a shower when I got out The hospital I'm a doctor I will not cooperate

When I rock into the table when he operating Yeah! You waiting this long to stop pitting I'm a pack and then the rag is off you waiting I know that you got a job, Miss Sainy But your husband hot prop him complicated So the FCC will let me piece I mean, he obviously doesn't know English and only learned it syllable by syllable. Or he's deaf. But if he's deaf, how to hear it? This is...

This is bad. Oh, okay. You know. He looks blind as shit, but uh... I'll tell you this. I'm allergic to something. And I don't know what it is. And... It might be that time for me to go figure it out because it's driving me nuts. I don't know what it is. I try to single it out. I can't. I think it's just, you know what I'm allergic to? Eating. Every time I eat my phlegm kicks up. Yes dude! Every time I eat my phlegm kicks up. Yes, dude, every time I eat, my phlegm kicks up.

It sucks, man. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to fix it. Sometimes it happens when I eat, sometimes it happens just when I drink coffee, you know? Maybe it was coffee. I think we just figured it out. What am I gonna do though?

I'm not gonna not drink coffee. Imagine my life if I didn't drink coffee. I think we just figured it out. What am I going to do though? I'm not going to not drink coffee. Imagine my life if I didn't drink coffee. I'd be like one of those Mormon, what is the Mormon, Secret Lies of Mormons show now on, not on Bravo, on Hulu. I say not on Bravo because Bravo turned it down and Hulu's got it and apparently it's like kicking butt. And my wife watches it, of course. I can't believe reality TV. And it's so bad, right? It's just so bad.

And yet, and the dudes who watch it, there's a show on it, it's called Secret Life of Mormons, and these people, I guess these four, five, six moms started a TikTok trend called Mom Talk, and they just basically dance to that Tony Richmond song and do moves to that, if that's that guy's name, Tiny Richmond. And...

I ain't fuckin' in the same band, bad songs. Does anyone know what it is? I ain't fuckin' with the same sex, feisty. I ain't fuckin' with the same sex. You do gotta, that's anti trans material right there that he does. So be on the lookout for him on the canceled list. But I, uh, it's a wiggle up and get ready.

Get this shit about you. He just said, Oh, my God. So fuck you. That is so bad. And so, um, so, um, I figure, I figure they do these dances and then they got and then they got real big and then it came out that one of the people on the mom talk hashtag and I have to say it because that's what I'm talking about. You know, I don't like that.

Twitter used to be like that. They changed the name finally. But when people started saying Twitter, and I'm like, what? All right, well, what am I gonna call it? But then everybody was calling it that. What are you gonna call it? You gotta call it the thing.

You can't be cooler than that. You can't be cooler. You gotta be part of society. Now it's X. And now I still call it Twitter. So that's great. But MomTalk thing, and so it came out that one of the MomTalk ladies was talking about how the other ones were swinging.

And so they were all, you know, swinging, kissing each other's husbands and stuff. Now look, they're Mormon, so I don't, kissing each other's husbands and stuff. I don't know, look, they're Mormon, so I don't really know what swinging is to Mormons. It could just be drinking a Diet Coke with each other. But excuse me, did you drink a sun kissed with my wife? Hey, hey buddy, I gotta talk to you for a second. Did you drink a sun kiss with my wife?

Ha ha ha ha. Just the secret life of Mormons. Hey, come here So they do Did you drink a Mountain Dew with me? Hey buddy, come here. I gotta talk to you for a second. Mm-hmm What's this? This is empty can of squirt of Welch's. So on the floor? Really? Where we drink Welch? So then they were swinging and then they got big and then they got a show for it and now now it's on Hulu. And I don't watch it, but my, my, the way it's hilarious. The way Kristen sets up, sets me up for this stuff. Cause she's like, there's a new show.

Do you want to watch it with me or do you want me to watch it by myself? Which is such a weird way of saying, do you want to watch a show together? But that's what she does. Cause she knows me and she knows that that's how I'm going to respond to it. Because then I go, well, what's it about? And she says, it's a show about Mormons that's called The Secret Life of Mormons. And it's supposed to be so crazy. And I was like, really?

Is it a documentary or a show? Because I will watch a documentary about it a I will watch a documentary about it I will watch a show about it. I will not watch it. I will not watch a reality TV show about it I watch a show meaning if actors are portraying it if Nicole Kidman's in it or whatever and But she so she's like it's a no, it's a show and I was like, oh hell yeah turn it on and then she's like it's a no it's a show and I was like oh hell yeah turn it on and then it's like reality TV and I'm like oh it's a reality show I can't watch this I know and she's like oh my god come on I'm like dude I I'd actually rather I know this is a thing I'd rather watch paint dry because then at least I

could think about whatever I want to. This looks like a Japanese... So it's just like... It's just like... It is unbelievable to me how different women and men are. And I know that that's a hacky premise, but I'm not even doing jokes. It's unreal to me that if you're a woman, you will watch reality TV, period. And you may think you're a woman and you won't watch reality TV, but here's the deal. You will. And all it would take is two episodes and then you're locked and loaded.

Man, I could forget about a show like that, dude. Know why? Mdickenballs. I can forget about a show like that. You know why? Mdickenballs. Because dude... That's why binge culture is the best. If I stop, go to sleep, forget about it. Won't watch. I won't watch it again unless it's, I mean it's got to have like crazy good people in it or something you know. But women, you give them two episodes, you get the most staunch reality show denier. As long as they're titted, they come up uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I, so I, I, I turned it off, dude. And I watched, I started watching the, uh, the, uh, the, what the heck is it? The Menendez brothers ones.

Now look, I'm okay. Did okay. So it's by Ryan Murphy, right? Ryan Murphy did all the, uh, the horror story ones, right? The American horror story. Didn't Ryan Murphy do those? Yeah. Okay.

He also did the OJ one, right? Okay, he also did the Versace one. All right, now. I like that Ryan Murphy is, here's the thing. The show, dude, the Versace one was one of the best television series I've ever seen, okay? Limited, I guess it was limited. It was so well done, so good, and I just I loved it. Now, now I realized something after that I started watching other Ryan Murphy stuff, okay? And I realized, now here's the deal, I didn't like the other stuff,

okay? Like the OJ one? Get out of town. I didn't like it. The OJ one? Get out of town. I didn't like it. First of all, you don't get Kubo Gooding Jr. to play OJ Simpson. I just, he's, you know, I love the guy. I, you know, I worked with him and he's great, great actor.

He's not OJ, dude. OJ's a big Hulk. Kubo Goodoto Jr. is a junior, you know? And so, but I'm realizing something that I watch now that I now that I watch the the Menendez one on Netflix. It's all of his shows are so gay. And I told, I told, I told Kristen in the middle of the Menendez Brothers one, I go, I go, oh man this is crazy. I was like, man, Ryan Murphy makes the gayest shows, huh? And she's like, yeah, he's probably gay. I said, oh he is gay. And she said, oh he is? And I said, oh, a hundred percent without a doubt. And she said, you know for sure? And then I realized I didn't know for sure.

I never knew. I just said it because of the shows. And then, but I doubled down. I was like, I know so much about, I can do this with my head. I can just watch a show and know if a creator's gay or not. And I doubled down and I just said, oh yeah, he he is 100% out and I even added he's out too.

And then I go I'm gonna start googling and Chris he goes oh wow that's funny yeah wow you could tell huh. I go yeah. I google it the first thing that comes up is uh Ryan Murphy met his husband at a gay club and I'm like, okay, I win life. You ever feel like that? Hey, hey, dude, fucking, that makes me happy for the next hour, I win life. Hey life, I win. Thank you.

I'm gracious, but I win life. And I'm grateful, I'm gracious, but thank you life. And so, I'm watching the show and it's just like, it'll be like the Menendez brothers like are kind of gay together. And you're just like, what? And you'll start Googling, were the Menendez brothers gay together?

And Google will be like, the Menendez brothers killed their parents. And you're like, yeah, yeah, but gay. Are they gay? Oh, their dad was abusive. And you're like, oh, fucking come on, man. Menendez brothers, gay. And then it'll be like Menendez brothers, everything.

And then it'll including searches for Menendez brothers, but what's not included, gay, and you're just like, okay, so he's just making them gay? And then I realized why I liked the Versace one so much. Cause everyone's gay in it. They're all actually gay. It's Versace and his Twink Boy. That's gay! That's why I'm so into it. And then when you sit you watch OJ Simpson and Johnny Cochran or whatever is like, the glove doesn't fit. It doesn't fit. It's too tight in there. I can't get it in. I'm out!

The American Horror Story ones were good because horror is gay! Oh, that's gay as shit! You know a snake? Fucking I'm gonna get you. That's gay! It's all gay. Ghosts, you know, Billy McDermott was in it. He's straight, but a hundred percent gay. You know what I'm saying? And it's just like, there's just, it's just, the Versace one bang. So here's my thing about Ryan. And I don't, I don't dislike the Menendez. I don't,

I think he's a great creator. I think the way he does it is, I love the fact that he goes for it. I thought the OJ one was, it was just not for me. Miscast, over the top. I mean, George Vovolta played fucking Robert Shapiro, you know? And it was just, you know, it was too much.

And, but, but it, I think, so I think that Ryan Murphy should make the gayest TV shows and about gay people and I will watch every single, I'm telling you, the Versace one, my God, that one was so good. It was really good. And that's the one that nobody ever talks about, dude. People don't know what to like. I swear to God. I'm serious. People don't know what to like. I do. Check with me everyone first. So I'm four episodes in on the, on the Menendez Brothers thing. And the guy who comes with me that does all my clips and also directed my special and you know, Sam, great friend of mine, he's just telling me about the show.

He's like, so good. You got to watch it. And there's just one part where this happens and I was like, okay, cool. And dude, I've had four or five episodes in it didn't happen yet and I actually think that he's wrong and it's not on that show. Dude I'm mad because now I'm watching this here's a here's a here's here's a an opening into my mind I'm watching the show and about you know 90% okay so 60% I'm watching the show 10% I'm checking my phone 10% I'm watching the show and about you know 90% okay, so

60% I'm watching the show 10% of checking my phone 10% I'm like, you know talking to my wife and then there's 10% where I'm like that part that fucking Sam talked about better be It better come up soon because I don't even think that that's on the show I think he's probably mixing two shows up and now I'm fucking pissed. That's 10% of my of my experience Like a nut job, dude. But I'll tell you who's good. Javi Bardem, dude. I say Javi. Javi Bardem, Javier Bardem is so unbelievable. The style of Ryan Murphy's, the Menendez thing and all of the stuff, all of the stuff that he has ever done is over the top, and that's fine, dude. I think over the top is great, I love over the top.

Ace Ventura's one of my favorite movies, okay? Jim Carrey's the best, he's on purpose over the top. One of my favorite movies, over the top, with Sylvester Stallone. It's over the top. But um over the top these guys these actors are over the top you know the the because everyone's gotta be gay too in it because they make everyone gay in it like I just said. And then they uh, Javier Bardem is not in it a lot until like episode four because of it, he's the dad and it starts with them killing their parents and then it

starts showing flashbacks and stuff. Dude, Javier Bardem is on another level. He might be top notch. He might be a top notch. And that's kind of all I have to say about that show, man. And that's all I have to say about Javier Bardem. And that dude is the truth. And I want to meet him so bad.

I bet he smells so good, except for every now and then he probably smells so bad. You know what I mean though? Like fresh out the shower on the beach, you'd be like, wow, man, did you just, what'd you just do? He's like, I took a shower. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing.

And you just wear white linen everywhere. Yes, I do. Yeah. And, uh, that is just, you smell great. It's a natural, it's a little bit of for the natural. And then also I put on a spritz. You go, wow. Yeah, it really compliments each other. And then like, you might see him out at a club, right?

And he's sweaty. And you go, Abbie! And you hit around his back, you go, oh fuck, yeah, cause he smells like a sock. But you still smell the spritz a little bit. I smell like a sock, right? But that is because I like to keep the fair ones going, yeah? So, um...

I watched that show. Because I need a little controversy, because it feels so empty without me. I ate a bunch of food before I started. Oh, yeah, I was talking about how I'm allergic to, what am I? I keep on, I don't know. Speaking of gay, Diddy's, I guess he's just, this is crazy. I mean, the whole thing is crazy. Did these streams increase after arrest? Of course they do. This is from TMZ. Of course they do, dude. Of course they do.

Can't nobody hold me down! Hey! Or how's the uh... Can't nobody hold me down. Hey, or how's the, uh, we ain't going nowhere. We ain't going nowhere. We can't be stopped. Well, the worst tradition of it. It goes like this. We ain't going nowhere. We ain't going nowhere. We ain't going nowhere.

We ain't going nowhere. That's what it is. Going nowhere. We can't be stopped now because we're bad boys of life. You ain't going nowhere. I mean, even on bail, you're not going anywhere. But man, that's crazy. If you were...

Imagine all the fans he's got in prison. This is the thing. He could really turn this around. Like, he's Diddy. He could go into the jail cell and really turn it around and be honestly before you know it, dude. I mean, how long you think Diddy could be in prison until he really turns it around and he's the warden? Like in just a hip-hop video.

He could turn it into real life. We ain't bum bum, going nowhere, bum bum bum. We ain't bum bum bum bum, going nowhere. We can't be stopped now, cause it's bad, war for life. And just murderers, murderers. And, and uh, and uh and and and what do you call them Grand Theft Larceny guys just and it's at least he's gonna add a little

bit of fun to prison you know oh shit diddy's here just fucking hell yeah here, just fucking hell yeah. Um, and dude, he's, he can't get on bail. He can't get out on bail. That's crazy, dude. You should always be able to get out on bail. I think because, or, or, you know, make us just a third world country where we would just get locked up.

Cause that's crazy, dude. They put him on suicide watch. I mean, he's, are you kidding me, dude? He's not going to, he's not going to off himself. There's no way. There's no way. Literally what he's thinking right now is, I was just butt fucking. Oh no, he's not even thinking about it. He's like, I was just buttfucking or no he's not even thinking about he's like I was just lubing people up all the people at the

party's shitting bricks you know you got like CEOs that were there that had no business being there like well I wasn't once what I what's this JLo and Ben Affleck thing is that true oh yeah oh really crazy Ben Ben just goes like this. Yo dude, remember that Diddy shit? I'm out. Oh, how about Usher dude? Hey, Usher. Don't delete your tweets.

It makes everybody want to know everything you've ever done. Hey, Usher. Let's Usher those tweets back on Twitter. Hey, Usher. Don't delete 7,000 tweets in an instant after your friend gets arrested for butt fucking. Hey, Usher. Watch this. Do do do do do do. You know that fucking, that's what he did before he deleted all the tweets. Watch this. That's the sound of deleting. Just seven thousand times. Seven doos! Dude, that tw- That-

That... Meme was... I think... One of the f- I think that might have been the funniest meme ever. The watch this one. Ha ha ha! Like, who does he think he is with this shit?

Watch this. I guess he's Usher, you know? There's only one Usher. But it's like, he probably thinks he's Prince, you know? Mm-mm. Uh... Man, so many people were at Diddy's parties. I mean, dude.

I would love it if like Al Pacino was there and shit. I don't remember. I, I, you know. They just want to talk to him. Mr. Pacino, can we talk to you about in 19, in 2004, you're at a Diddy party? Oh, uh, who? What? Diddy what? Can we talk about in 19 and in 2004 you're at a ditty party. Oh Who what? Did he what no no no ditty P. Diddy did I pee what no oh

Yeah Do you remember we were slippery we were slippery and shit and Tom Sizemore and you're in the room with Tom Sizemore Sizemore and beanie in the room with Tom Sizemore and Beanie Segal. Oh, oh no. You remember you were in a room with the, remember you were in the room in the back. It was in the theater. It was the back of the theater in the room. It was behind the basketball court with the beds in it, the back of the theater in the room and you were in there basketball court with the beds in it, the back of the theater in the room,

and you were in there, and you were with Giovanni Robisi and Memphis Bleak. What? Oh, I don't remember. You were with, remember, you know Memphis Bleak? What? Dude, Memphis Bleak. You remember when you were in 2004?

You were in the back of it. You were at a Diddy party? Diddy what? No, do you remember when you were okay, so you were on the back lawn. It was way back behind the swing set and you were with, do you don't so you were on the back lawn it was way back behind the swing set and you were with you don't remember you're with a Barry Pepper and Chingy oh yeah Um, Ms. Pacino? Oh yeah. Yeah. Do you remember when you were in the bath- you remember when you were in the pool with

uh, uh, Jeremy Davies and Murphy Lee? Do you remember that? Oh no, I don't remember. Uh, Jeremy Davies and Murphy Lee. Do you remember that? Whoa, no, I don't remember. Do you remember when you were with Ed Burns and do you remember you with Ed Burns and Selly cell? Do you remember? Do you remember when you were hanging out in a tree with Adam Goldberg? Huh?

You with Adam Goldberg and fucking Nellie? Oh no, no. I'm only naming people from Saving Private Ryan and the St. Lunatics. Um, what a great crossover that would be. Hi Anne! Just head's getting blown off. So hi, what the hook gonna do?

Uh oh, we don't need no fucking hook on this beat. Mine's. Wow. How could people ever listen to this podcast? Do you remember when you were with Nathan Fillion and... What? Yeah, you were with Nathan Fillion. And who else is in this fucking St. Lunatics?

Oh yeah, I remember that. Nathan Fillion. He was butt fucking me. Oh yeah, I remember I had chingy by the throat consensually and Jonathan Robese was fucking me. Oh yeah, Jonathan Robese was fucking me. Ha! Yeah, now I remember. Speaking of old-time actors, gangster shit. This of old-time actors, gangster shit. This is before the internet. I love this. He didn't know the internet was going to exist, but also did it on TV. The last time. The last time.

Hell yeah, Dustin Hoffman. Farts in an interview with Tom Cruise. Three days. A lot of sushi in Japan. A lot of sushi in Japan Japan he says, you know. So the fart gets infinitely grosser when you say I had sushi. Do you know what I'm saying? Like it's just like you, I don't know if there, I don't think there's any, I don't think, I actually, I don't think there's anything worse.

Honestly. You could say broccoli, eggs, anything. A lot of sushi in Japan. Just so disrespectful. 55 and just dude, the common up, you know, doesn't have to do that at all. And just Tom. Sushi and then catching up in Berlin with so sorry. I didn't mean it. Come on, I'm sorry. It was during your question too. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. Come on, I'm sorry, it was during your question too. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, the come up is amazing.

Death of a salesman was like the last, the last time. The pop-up is amazing. Merp. It just goes, ah. The doctors are creating some phoppa rating in the Bachman Nock, Nock, Jingle, Rock and Rating. Um, Chloe K says she was at a ditty party with Bieber, Bieber full of naked people. None of this stuff is aging good at all. You know, it's like, it's just like, it's just like, that's what sucks is they pull

up everything that's even innocent. And they're just like, I saw an Ellen clip and Diddy was like, well, you know, I was making love last night and everyone was like, Oh, we knew it. There were signs. You know, or it'll be like... You know. Oh yeah, fucking... Nolan Ryan was at a pity-day party with... There were signs! Nolan Ryan fucks boys, you know?

We gotta bleep all this out by the way. It's just not... Chingy's back. I just got sent the link here. Chingy's back. I just got sent the link here. Chingy's back. Chingy's back kind of. Chingy, where did they, what are you kidding me? So wait, hold on. Red, white and rock. Okay, this is for the right, right? The right, yeah.

You can tell by the many cowboy hats on the thing. Dude, Chingy, wow. So they're doing a concert. It's with Craig Campbell, Jimmy Levy, Jessica Suda, Kimberly Gilfoyle, and Chingy. Which is the one that he does? Oh, right there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're gonna wanna vote to the right, you're going to want to vote right there. Just so bad. Like, what is it going to, why do they do this? You know what Republicans, there's nobody that is, the one thing we'll say about the Democrats is they've got, when it comes to like writers and artists and writers and artists and shit, they got the corner market, all right? There's a few talented people that will be outwardly Republican. Now, by the way, a lot of these people are secretly Republican. These artists. They're secretly Republican. They just don't say it. Or they're not out politically. But the people who are out politically, they got a few talent, like Kid Rock is very talented and shit. You know, of course, you know, the people at the top get the hate, but you know, he's talented, bro.

And. But like, they should just not do that. They should actually what the what the right should do is. Straight up disavow Hollywood. They should have no... I mean, they have fucking Hulk Hogan and Chingy, you know? Hey, you lost, okay? You lost with that right?

Just bow out of it. But yeah, they feel like they got to play in the game, so they got to have a concert, I guess. They got to have a concert, right? Who can we get? Chingy and Hulk Hogan, okay. Right, Thor, brother. Anyway, shout out to Ching, he's back. Let's look at this one. Look at this here. This is a Trump event. Oh 20 people whoa, oh my god, they guys gotta make America great again. Yamaka. Oh, the music.

Start with it. How's everybody doing? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh, that reminds me of I used to date this chick and she would be like, we would be talking and stuff and we haven't seen each other for like three or four days and then we'd be talking and be like 20, 30 minutes and sometimes one hour into us hanging out and she'd be like, so how you doing? And I'm just like, dude, we don't work at a fucking firm together. Like, what are you doing? You just saw that in a movie. Don't do that. I say, don't do that to me. I said, don't do that to me. You said that already in the beginning.

How you doing? What have you been up to? I've been telling you. You're not listening? I'm a real gem to be with. But she would do that. And she thought she was Julia Roberts, I think. God bless.

I hope she's doing well. God. There we go. Wheel of Fortune. Come on, get past there. Bankruptcy. Terrible. Lost $5,000.

What is this? E-L-L. What is it? Another bankrupt. No. Oh, she lost it. It's a repeat. She lost it. Okay, Melissa. Fair racially. No! Oh, she lost it. It's a repeat. She lost it.

Okay, Melissa. Fair, racially. He was white, she was black. And then this one's, I think, a lesbian. Can't bankrupt see you. Should we have a conversation with this wheel? What is, wait a minute. Ryan Seacrest does Wheel of Fortune now?

For how long? Just started. Oh, he just started. Oh, because Pat Sajak died. No, he retired. Oh, Patrick died oh he retired he's gonna die um what are you doing to us yeah right Ryan Seacrest this is where Ryan Seacrest is but maybe I shouldn't have done this lose a turn who did something bad before they got here? Oh god

Who did something bad before they got here? So general, so basic There we go $800 Two H's $800 That's $1600 No, bankrupt?

No, bankrupt? No, bankrupt? No, bankrupt? $1,600 dude. No. Bankrupt? Take that shit out dude. Another bankrupt? Who are these idiots? Saw Matt. anything like this before Brent so mad let's go break this curse Oh Pat Sajak just watching the oh no lose the turn Pat Sajak watching at home just like what is what is going on we used to tell me okay tonight

I know why she's still doing it. Vanna White's still doing it? All right, come on. Dude, Vanna White's gonna be fucking dead. They're gonna wheel her out like the Hannibal Lecter. Bankruptcy again? Oh! Do you want me to spin? Melissa, please, spin. What? What, this just went on for seven hours. There we go.

Six hundred dollars. There we go. She did it. A five! She just fucks it up. Um, no, we only do letters. Uh, a silhouette of a tree! No, no, it has to be a letter.

Oh gosh. How... the fact that they haven't updated that part where you when you get bankrupt it goes... Is so shitty, dude. Update it! That was kind of popular in the 70s. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Grab her? What are you talking about? Come on. Aren't you a good citizen? What do you mean? Bro, this lady is getting chased by two police officers and somebody is filming it and that's the video we see. And they're filming it and the police officers are saying, grab her, grab her, stop filming, grab her. And the guy just incredulously says, grab her.

What the hell are you talking about? Dude. He sounds like the dude from big Lebowski. Grab her. Grab her. Grab her. Quit filming. Grab her?

What are you talking about? Come on. Aren't you a good citizen? What do you mean? Dude, like all they do is tell you don't get involved. That's what they say. They say, if something happens with cops, don't get involved. If you're going to get involved, honestly, get involved like this.

This was a great one. This is how you should get involved. Just honestly narrate it. This guy's on one of those unicycle things. This guy stole something and there's a cop chasing him and this guy in the unicycle is just narrating it Going back and forth between the cop and the I mean now he's talking to the guy who I mean He's still behind you let's see how this turned out you got any predictions on how this gonna turn out

You know, I feel you know and the guy just keep I gotta go take a shit He's on they gonna catch you? I didn't take no. Then why you chasing? Throwing the paper? I'm sorry y'all, I'm riding this. It's kinda hard to ride. He's on the unicycle and he gonna go back to the... You almost there kid. I just don't know what you're trying to rape. Rape you is crazy. What? Okay.

The guy's getting away and then going back to the cop. Just take off and grab him. My boy say he got a doo-doo. Give him tips. He was stealing that, wasn't he? Just let my boy go, act like you ain't catching. Come on, man. No black on black crime over here.

Hey cop, hey cop, commandeer the unicycle. I mean, you know, not getting it. Also just stole paper towels, which is amazing. I thought you're not allowed to run after somebody if they stole something. At least it was not California, so. That's, I just can't. Wow.

My cousin-in-law makes these mugs with like, I guess you get anything on them, pets on them, but the one here I took a picture of, I'll put it up right here, of on them, but the one here, I took a picture of it, I'll put it up right here, of Butters, because Butters wasn't doing too well, she made me one, it was really sweet. So I'm putting her handle out there. You guys should get one with your pets.

It's really sweet. Vander May Ceramics is what it is. The thing will be right there, V-A-N-D-E-R-M-E-Y, ceramics. But have her do one for you and your pet or a gift or something. They're really cute, man, I love mine. Gonna drink hot coffee now because of it. So check her out on Instagram and order one.

And then there's this guy, which is the thing that I really just found out. I've seen this guy before, and I don't know how I've never talked about him, honestly. So I thought I had. The bears ain't gonna fuck with you for your face. They know. Showing one of the most underrated trees in the world. Old girls see your d-

Hey, dude. There's no underrated trees, first of all. Trees are all rated correctly because they're trees. They're not outfits. They're not chicks. They're not a batting average. It's a tree. You just look at it, you go, huh?

Oh, wow. That's it. There's no overrated or underrated trees. There's no one rating trees. Okay. Even this guy. This thing's thick, dude. Over 3000 years old. I couldn't be more. Okay, even this guy. I couldn't be more dutical this guy. This thing's thick dude.

What is this guy talking about how they're underrated dude? Like it's tool Hey guy you're done. I mean, named him Ernie? You already said it! It's going straight over a rock, dude! That's why you do this at one o'clock in the morning, dude! Doing the daytime, get a better shot

This guy is rolling man. This guy is rolling Why does it have the what is it like the fucking interstellar music Or mad him kind kinda he's crying? Covered in moss and looking sexy. This is what they usually look like, like this one. They usually look like that. And now look at this homie. Beef. Beef. That record's mine. They're a record tree in one year. I know how to find that beef.

And like most people like seeing the red ones and shit, I don't use drones to cheat in that lidar. I use my feet and my groover uses our feet. And we find that good shit get based. This guy cannot stop, dude. He doesn't use drones. I use my feet, my girlfriend uses her feet. Well, that is based, man.

I mean, that tree should be really highly rated, honestly. When it comes to trees, that should be the one top most, goat tree? Goat? G-O-T-T-T? Greatest tree of all time tree? Gatot? Greatest tree of all time?

Yeah, dude, I don't know, juniper tree. I always find it super weird when people are into anything foliage, because it's like, dude, collect stamps. Things that are too big, you know? It's like, you gotta go out and see it. I want all my shit that I have OCD about in my house, so I don't have to go anywhere, dude.

Maybe bonsai trees, right? But yeah, this dude's the most dutical guy of all time. I like how much he likes trees. But Matthew McConaughey speaking because I just thought about him. How about a guy who went from silly actor to great actor and then immediately was like, now I can't do that and then did that fucking bullshit Lincoln ad and then now he's just like on Instagram fucking bullshit Lincoln ad and then now he's just like on Instagram like clapping at athletes saying natural talent natural talent longhorns dude what there are some people they should like these guys who have social media like Anthony Hopkins they just don't need to get it they start doing the

craziest shit we start seeing what they're like we don't need to get it. They start doing the craziest shit. We start seeing what they're like. We don't want to know what they're like. They're good actors. Don't, hey, dude, real quick, don't show us what you're like. Do the bullshit acting that you do. You were starting, dude, you got out of being a guy in romantic comedies and you started doing great roles and then you... Yeah. But he killed it in no time to kill that first one or whatever it was called, in our hearts. He was great. I don't know, man, I went to Thunder Bay. Dude, I was in Duluth. Duluth is pretty.

It's got like that whole lake shit, man. That whole Minnesota accent is crazy to me. Bag, they say bag instead of bag, nah. They say like, oh instead of oh, and dude just, and about one out of five of them have those Oakley sunglasses. Male or female. And we went to the border

because we had to cross from Minnesota or, yeah, to Thunder Bay to Canada, Thunder Bay. Thunder Bay was awesome, dude. And the guy was like, you know, he had one of those big cars and they were like, are we gonna have to get out or what the hell? The driver's talking to him and he was like, where were you, who was in the back there? And we're like, hey, it's us.

We give him the IDs and shit, but he couldn't see back there. So he was like, all right, Mr. Dele, uh, where were you? Where were you six days ago? That's the kind of shit they ask you. And you're like, Oh, home or wait, no, hold on. Okay. I was, uh, okay, wait, where did we play? Where do we play?

And now you think you're lying. So you're not going to get into the country. You're like, you're not, you think you sound like you're lying? No, hold on. He don't. Uh, I was in, where were we? We were in, uh, shit. And then I, oh London, Ontario. We were, six days ago we were in London, Ontario. Six days ago

we were in LA. The day before that, seven days ago we were in London, Ontario. And so, and then the guy says, oh so you are funny. I'm like, I'm not making a joke. I'm actually just trying to be very specific you know those guys with the power trips that they have answer me correctly but don't do it cutely answer me correctly in the way I want you to do it guess how I want you to do it if you don't guess you're getting detained and so I got I saw I was like seven days ago we were in London Ontario and then six days ago we flew by six days ago we flew back to LA so we were technically in London, Ontario and also LA. Oh you are funny huh? Get in the back! Dude they brought us in the back

and we got out and they couldn't have been nicer and it's just like you could sneak into any country huh? Like you could just kind of we could have just you know what we could have done actually Left people in the actual car and not all gone out and we could have smuggled people into Canada There could be more people in Canada right now because of us But I would never do that to Canada Canada kind of woke as shit. I was doing a little bit of woke material, not woke material, anti-woke material, which is pretty much just comedy nowadays.

And I did it in Thunder Bay and I felt it would tighten up and I go, you guys better buckle the fuck up. No wait, it wasn't even Thunder Bay, it was Duluth. I said, you guys better buckle the fuck up, dude. It gets worse. Then just started dropping bombs on them and then fucking, you know, I ended up turning them, but they weren't ever really not. They were not turned, but you know, you double down, dude.

My favorite, my favorite set of all time is Bernie Mac and Deaf Comedy Jam. When he comes out, dude, everybody was bombing, filming Def Comedy Jam, and then Bernie Mac came out last, and he came out with a fucking attitude, and it was awesome, and he keeps saying over and over again, I ain't scared of you motherfuckers, and dude, it is so awesome. And he would do a joke and would hit me like, kick it, and then the DJ would hit the thing.

That's what, I think that's the best set I've ever seen in my life. Go look it up, Bernie Mac, Def Jam, Def Compa Jam. I just... What is this? Tricking the homie next to you. Oh that's funny. They all told them they were all gonna do it. Look at how fucking funny they think it is. It's amazing. Ha ha ha look at how fucking funny they think it is it's amazing

Come on come on no way he's gonna do it again Dude get out of here He did it again This guy deserves it now the first I felt a little bit bad for him, now I don't. Dude, I don't like pranks at all, but these kind are fine. They don't hurt anybody. The guy goes bad, he's twice. Dude, I don't like pranks. Like these YouTubers, dude, that do pranks, they get... Man, I just saw a kid get a knife drawn on him because he was like Man, I just saw a kid get a knife drawn on him because he was like singing to a guy's face in the like, it's always at like a Home Depot and

the guy pulled his knife out and I'm like man, somebody's gonna get fucking shanked man. These youtubers get, they get, it's happened before where they got shot and all that I'm just glad I'm out of LA. I'm out of LA. Yes, I'm still in California. But I'm out of LA and it's okay because now I don't feel weird driving my car anywhere or wearing a watch. Because I don't want to get fucking my wig pushed back

on Melrose Boulevard because of a fucking because of my you know because of my ice man baddies will also like not even a good idea. Don't do that. You know, it just went baddies! I would have kept going and did the whole dance. Do you know? Alright, look guys, I don't know. This was a video heavy day, and it's just because we wanted to. I appreciate you. If you want to watch the rest, that's it

for YouTube. If you want to watch the rest of the episode go to patreon.com, that's CryptoLeo. And go check it out. Watch the rest of the video. Watch the rest of the episode and then also watch all the other extra episodes. There's like 40 of them that you can unlock immediately. I appreciate you. You guys are great.

And thank you very much. I appreciate you guys are great.