Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 410. Bust In The 11th Hour

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

😮 Holler price drop! Get a shoutout on Congratulations for $40 for the next week: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris has thoughts on the new Red Sox documentary, Hinchcliffe at the Trump rally, blackface on Halloween (spoiler: you're racist), and a documentary on assisted suicide in Oregon. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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make you late for dinner again. Don't overthink how you hydrate. Life's full of choices. Smart Water Alkaline is a simple one. Ah. Runk. I will be in Toronto soon. I will be in Sioux Falls and Sudbury, I think.

Yeah. And North Bay. Those are all in Canada, I guess, but go to crystalia.com to get them tickets. Thanks. Now it's episode four10 of Congratulations. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, put on this shirt today. This is a brand I like called Satire.

I like the brand. They think they sent me this one. Put on the shirt today and didn't, sometimes I put on a shirt and I go, and I'm just like, oh, I'm just putting this on for now I'm not gonna rock it all day right you guys do that and then sometimes you put on your shirt you go I hope this lasted me well into the night Today this was just me putting on this shirt going huh hey who knows what I'll be wearing today

I'll be damn, baby. It's 2 p.m.. And I'm still wearing it even for the podcast. So there you go So I'm wearing it and and I'll be wearing it I'm gonna wear it I have a dinner tonight I'll probably change before that but that doesn't matter and you shouldn't care, but I do have a dinner So look at me just doing stuff. I thought about actually my Calvin asked me the other day um oh Saturday he was like what are we doing tomorrow and I said well we're going to go to the pumpkin patch and then we'll probably go to gimme and pop-ups and he said what we're going to gimme and pop-ups the next day and I said nah we're going to do it in the same day as the pumpkin patch and he said we're going gonna do two whole things in one day?

And I said, Yeah. He said, Whoa. And I said, Sometimes people do all sorts of numbers of things in one day. Sometimes daddy does, you know what?

Sometimes daddy does six things in one day. And he goes like this, What? And I said, Yup. And then he made me list them and I can only get to three. So anyway, I have a boring life. So, But no, I love my kids What? And I said, yup. And then he made me list them and I can only get to three. So anyway, I have a boring life.

So, but no, I love my kids and I love my family and that's great and it's really fun to be with. And you know, I just like, whatever. I talk about my kids sometimes too much on this podcast, but that's me and that's how I do it. So, and also like I would get into the election and everything and I probably will later on. Uh, but it's just like, you know, enough's enough. Dude, I can't wait until the election is over.

So I don't have to, I guess there's going to be that like post post election talk, wrap up stuff where, you know, the guy that is going to be on CNN where the guy always talking about the electoral colleges, that guy is going gonna be on CNN, where the guy who was talking about the electoral colleges, that guy is gonna be on for a lot. He's always on during the election, the guy who looks like he's got that silver hair. What's his name again? With the guy who was like, and then we zoom in,

and then we zoom in, and then we keep zooming in, and we zoom in. Who's? John King. John King. Yeah. John King is which of what I call him. I call him junking. But yeah, the guy's just zooming in so far that you could zoom into every voter's pee hole.

Anyway, we zoom in, we zoom in, there's the urethra, and he's zooming in. You can tell he's Republican. Because he squirts on his side. So um, anyway. Well, that's creepy. Tell me more about that. So is election time? Maybe I'll get into it later, but you know, it is what it is.

Dude, I'll tell you what, man. Our house is under construction and it's just always just just there's dust everywhere and just Billy's rolling around in it. And I'm just, and I'm like, is he going to get cancer? And Kristen's like, no, not, not, not nowadays. It's not, it's not like that anymore. And I'm like, okay, I guess I'll take your word for it. Even though you definitely don't know because, because're not A, a doctor, or B, a contractor? Is there, I don't know, words that I don't really know

what they mean, like formaldehyde, is that in it? What is that? I don't know, I know it's not good. Asbestos, what's that? Is that in it? It was in the eighties, right? Anyway, so we just had, we've had this, oh that's what, yeah.

We've had this setup where it's just one room, we have one of those, you know, it's like a big, it's not an iPad, but it's just one room, we have one of those, it's like a big iPad, it's not an iPad, but it's like this big, it's like a TV screen and that you bring around with you and it's like on a pole, it's so heavy and it's portable, but like if you ever have to bring it upstairs, forget it, you might as well just have to call,

you have to call fucking movers. But so we brought it into the playroom and we just post up and we watch it on that. And then while the kids play, we just sit and we watch murder documentaries, hoping the kids are either not listening or not old enough to even if they are listening to have it affect their future.

And so one morning we woke up and Kristin just puts on this thing on Netflix, Boston Comeback. You know the thing that they have out there on Netflix? You know about this? Have you seen it yet? Boston Comeback. I don't know what it's called, but it's about the Boston Red Sox comeback in 2004. How they hadn't won in like a hundred years or whatever. And then, uh, they were trying to break the curse of the Bambino, which is

nothing, cause there's no such thing. But, but, you know, mentally they got in their heads, the Yankees got in their head though, it's crazy how Boston was a rival, Boston and Yankees have been rivals forever and, and until 2004, Boston just didn't ever beat them though. You can't have a rival that never you never win. Hey, my rival is Conor McGregor in the Octagon. No, right now. He's never beat me, but we know he would.

Okay. Just, it's just not, you can't just create a rival. Why, because why? Because Bambino, because Babe Ruth got traded, I get it. But it's, you know. By the way, Antipodes, water, third episode, third episode deep, still on the same water, okay? It's too big.

Anyway, um, so I watched that and I'm like, I don't want to watch this, but, and it was like, it was like 10 in the morning. Who watches a sports documentary at 10 in the morning? You're a crazy person. And she just put it on and she put it on, you know what she put it on when she said, she put it on and she goes, and she says, I just love sports. And I'm like, dude, what are you trying to fucking do right now? I woke up, I took a magic mind, so okay, yeah, calm.

I'm trying to be calm but alert. So, because magic mind is great for that. And I took the magic mind and then she just throws on something with fucking Big Poppy. And I'm like, I don't want to watch this. And she says, oh, come on. It's so great. Why not?

And I'm like, fuck. You're hard to leave it on. It fucking stayed on the whole time. The whole day. It stayed on the whole day. I watched all three parts and I'll be damned. If I'm not a little bit more of a Boston fan now, and I don't even care about baseball, but after that I watched the Dodgers games. So now you know, I might be a full blown sports addict, but it's, uh, it was, it is really

interesting what, like I sometimes I think about like the sports that they created and they just created them because they happened to create them. Did you ever think about that? Do you ever think about that? Like sports just were created because they happened to be created. It's not like people were like sitting down like, let's create a sport. What do we do here? It just happened.

It just so happened that somebody started, somebody started hitting a ball with a bat. And then they're like, well, make the ball smaller, make the bat, I mean, this would, and then you do that. And then, you know what, we'll run over there. We'll run all the way over to there. And then they run all the way over there and they're like, where do you run next? And they're like, oh, there, where's that? That's the second place.

So second, that'll be the second base there, there. And then they create rules and then it happens. And it's like, what if you hit the ball too far? That's not fair. Oh, we'll just count it as a run. It's a home run. If anyone has some base, then they score. Right?

And so this just happened to create a game that just kind of happened. And now it's in America, and it's got its roots in America. Some of these sports that just happen to be creative, like soccer just happened to be created. Or football, whatever you want to call it, you can call it football, right if you you call it football right if you're a european and uh and then it's like oh uh soccer is kind of like a basic ass sport like you're

just kind of kicking the ball around hoping you score right like baseball is totally different offense is totally different from defenseense is totally different from defense. Offense is I have a bat. Defense is I don't have a bat. And that ball you hit, one of us is going to catch it. Right now it's one versus nine. We've got nine dickheads in this field right now.

Well, one of us will get it. And one guy with a fucking weapon, you know? So soccer I get, soccer is just, soccer totally just happened. Soccer just totally happened to be created. You got to set up goals after you start kicking something for too long, right? So it became huge. But then I started thinking about like alternate universes and I don't really know if I believe in them or whatever. I mean I'm not saying I don't. I'm not saying I do. Maybe they're here. Maybe they're not. But like what other sports would there be if somebody just changed their mind a little bit one day after eating a fucking sandwich? You know it wasn't sandwiches because it was so far,

so long ago, I don't know if they had sandwiches yet when they created these sports. But like, what if one day they were like, what if some guy just convinced people? Like a guy like me could really convince people. Like there are people who convince people things. Ah, that's something I'm good at. If I was there when they were creating baseball,

I could totally have convinced nine people to be like, no, no, no, use a head of lettuce, it'll be cool. And then, but yeah, it breaks apart. And then when the layers come off, then it's like that counts as a, you know, and they'd be like, oh, that's all right, we'll try with the head of lettuce.less dude it could just be fucking lettuce ball up until now and I'm not saying that that's better it's not obviously a weak example

but you know what I'm saying a bunch of rubber bands over and over and over again over again that's the ball I don't know that's kind of what a baseball is honestly but um so I just, it's crazy, dude, that these sports have become so important in America, baseball in America. And I go back and forth with baseball. I'm like, dude, cause you know, cause the Dodgers right now are playing the Yankees

and they're, you know, they're up to games and shit. And I'm like, baseball is arguably like of the top sports And I'm like, baseball is arguably like of the top sports. And I'm leaving golf out, right? Like I'm talking about baseball, football, basketball, soccer, hockey, I guess I'd say those are the five ones that I think of when I think of sports. Actual like, like I know tennis is a sport, but I'm talking about like,

I don't know, those are the sports I think of, okay? One of the good sports. And so, not gonna explain it, okay? So, but baseball is, people will say like, I don't like it because it's boring. Like that's the most boring sport. And I understand, I have the top five that I said, that's the most boring sport. And I get it. And that's the most boring sport. And I get it.

And that's why I like it. Yes, because you can just chill during some of the baseball. You can't in basketball. It sucks, dude. You're exhausted the whole time watching football. It's too much, man. It's too much brute force hockey. There are, Oh, fighting is allowed? What? I mean, fine. I'm not saying don't allow it, but like, the whole time, if I'm a hockey player,

I'm thinking, who am I fighting? So that's more exciting than hockey, right? So like baseball you get to chill a whole inning. That's awesome. Somebody's up they hit a ball. Oh next guy gets up walks up right? It's just awesome dude. I love it. I love baseball dude. Now I love baseball. Um, so yeah, so I don't know, dude. It's just like, gotta watch that Boston one. It was very good. It was pretty damn good, but they can really make the fuck out of sports documentaries though, right?

Like when you put all of the good parts in something and then show it, you get a false view of how it really is. Cause then I watched the whole Dodger game afterwards and I was just like, ah man. Ah man. Kristen is studying to be a therapist, you know, which is just absolutely great for me. Uh, it's just really great.

And uh, I, you know, cause I get to learn about what I'm doing. And the best part is I can argue with it because it's my subconscious. So it's great, right? Well, what you don't realize you're doing is, oh, that's great. Oh, because you heard somebody say it in Pepperdine. Well, fantastic. So she had to watch, she does a lot of it online. It's all online. And she listens to this woman just talking at her.

And I'm familiar with the lady now because I just see YouTube videos of this lady just like, and that's what will suppress the memory. And I'm just like, that's what will suppress the memory if and I'm just like Jesus Christ you know I'm just trying to like dude I'm just trying to fucking play royal match on my phone and I have to hear this fucking woman in a red blazer with the horn rim glasses just and so the the process what you do is if they came in and they had a problem with, and I'm just, oh my, oh my, and she's just sitting there watching it like this,

learning, you know? And I'm like, oh, that's great that she's learning, but I'm fucked later, right? Because she's just gonna be like, this is what you're doing actually with your subconscious and then I just gotta eat that shit. Okay, I guess I can't argue with that. And so you're the therapist in training.

So then, now I'm, Kristen goes like this. Oh man, I gotta watch this documentary for school. And I'm not this documentary for school. And I'm not looking forward to it. And I said, oh yeah. She said, yeah. It's called How to Die in Portland. And I go, already?

At the title? Pfft. Woo! Dude, I need to land safely from here because I'm not watching it with you, right? I mean, dude, the title, How to Die in Portland, first of all, sounds like it could be one of two things, right?

The worst movie ever made in 1994 with the soundtrack, like, with the cranberries as the soundtrack, or a documentary that is very sad. And it turns out it's a documentary that's very sad, okay? Even worse, it has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, which means it's even worse. Do you know what I'm saying? If I were to watch a documentary on something,

I want it to be at 50 50 percent at Rotten Tomatoes I don't need it firing on all cylinders if it's a documentary then it's real enough Make it 50 Make it 50 percent dude You know I want to bop in and out of it and listen to it kind of and be like okay Is this true is that true? I don't like the way they dealt with that part. I don't want it to be, you know, I want it to be a little bit filled with horse shit. Real life is real life. Like I got a pain in my stomach.

It sucks. I don't want to watch a documentary about a pain in my stomach for an hour and a half. A hundred percent on Rotten Tomatoes in Sundance. Fuck it, in slam dance dude. And so then I look on the thing and it's got a hundred percent of Rotten Tomatoes and I read the description it says, uh, took Sundance by storm and I go, oh dude. Ah, dude, I'm sorry. I have to land safely from here, sweetie. You're gonna have to watch it yourself. Birds flying by in through the trees, but I'm safe. So let's just look at the actual description.

How to the, I mean, look, Let's look at the actual description. How to the, I mean, look, the one thing I will say about this title is, you know what you're gonna get, all right? Even I type in the title and it shows me the suicide crisis lifeline, 988 lifeline, Lifeline, interesting. And they say it has languages in English and Spanish, so if you speak anything else, you're fucked.

If you're Japanese, that's why a lot of Japanese people commit suicide. Anyway, let's get to, here we go. How did I in Oregon it's called? Whoops, I said Portland, oops. Okay, so that's what it's called, how did I in Oregon? So that's why. I was mixing it up with Portlandia.

And so, yeah, it's called How Did I in Oregon. All right, let's look at the description of this. Here we go. And this is what it says, right? So in 1994, Oregon became the first state to legalize a terminally ill person's request to end his or her life with medication. So right there, you gotta sit down.

If you're standing up, I'm not talking, I am talking to you, but I'm not in a room with you. If I said this to you, in a room, just me and you we'd both have to we'd I'd sit down before I said it I'd say it and then you'd you'd have to sit down because that's just too much that's too much to hear when you're standing up and I wouldn't say this beforehand are you sitting down because that's so fucking annoying when people do that because then your anxiety spikes through the roof. Just say it dude. If I fall down I fall. Are you sitting down? Yeah. They're out of the Baconator. Dude just fucking...

Oh it wasn't worth it. I don't care. I don't like Carl's Jr. So um, so there's a sentence, the first one. In 1999, oh this is not even the official one, this is the by anonymous. Okay, so this is the synopsis here. Probing documentary, probing first of all. Let me tell you something about a documentary. If it's not probing, it ain't a documentary. So you don't have to put that. You need to probe the shit out of that to put it on Camera. If it's real life, you don't need to probe if it's a movie. If it's a movie You could just be a little slice of life. You could show a nice fun time. You could be the Lego movie That's not probing shit. If you're a documentary, you better be probing You better sincerely

Take that You better sincerely take that phallic, whatever you want to call it, and just probe on inside of reality and what's going on. Because if you don't, it's not going to get 100%. If you don't, it's not going to be considered for slam dens, okay? Tiff. Probing documentary into the human right, quote unquote, to ending one's life legally and with dig, dignity, dude. And now, okay, so let's just keep going there.

I can say stuff, but I'll keep doing the synopsis. A charged, okay, if a documentary is probing, it is charged, okay? It's like that wholeing, it is charged. It's like that whole thing, a square is a rectangle, probing is charged. A square is a rectangle, a rectangle is a square, whatever, one of them is a square, one of them is a square is a rectangle, or a rectangle is a square,

and then a rectangle is not a square, and a square is not a rectangle. It's one of them, whatever it is, I don't know. But anyway, a charged and emotional first-person journey, first-person, so you know it's harrowing through the myriad of issues, right, which is not like three or four issues, it's more than that, and emotions surrounding terminal illness and right to die.

So Kristen is like, gotta watch this documentary. And I say, fuck. That's hard that you gotta watch that. You're in school to be a therapist. So sorry you gotta watch that. watch that, you're in school to be a therapist, so sorry you gotta watch that. Letting you know, without a doubt, I'm gonna live my whole life

without saying that. So don't, you know, as your husband try to wrangle me in or even like watch it in the other room while I'm in the other room. Cause I might walk in and then you might you might be like this part is interesting because and then I'm you're trying to hook me in watch it when I'm doing congratulations watch it when I'm doing lifeline watch it when I'm doing golden hour watch it when I'm on stage in Toronto November 9th, chrislea.com do not watch it when I'm in the other room.

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Thanks. Sunday night. Kristen's photoshopping. And you know what? You know what she's photoshopping? Hey. I don't know. Okay? I don't know. You know why I don't know. Okay? I don't know.

Y-You know why I don't know? Didn't ask. You know why I didn't ask? Cause she said, I've just been photoshopping. And I go like this. Oh. Hey.

Done. Hahahaha. Next combo! Yes, dude! That was the Photoshop combo. That was the whole Photoshop combo. What you been doing? Photoshopping? Ah cool! Donzo! Next one. On to the next, on on to the next, on to the next, on on to the next. So she's sitting there shopping and I'm playing with the kids two of them I got two ones one ones four and remember

that song take money money go shopping make money money go shopping no matter what the weather went to spring or fall we'll be doing it at the mall shout out to DJ Premier and Guru and so now I'm playing with the kids and dude it's fun it's fun to everyone is all day dude and I'm loving it time to get Billy ready to go to bed which it's hard to get a one-year-old to go to bed you know it was not hard to Billy ready to go to bed, which it's hard to get a one year old to go to bed, you know? It's not hard to get them to go to bed, it's hard to get them ready for bed because you got to do all this shit, you know? Like come on, put your socks on, I got to do everything? I got to brush your teeth, I'm skipping that one, your young, those teeth aren't going to even be

there for too long. Do we have rotten teeth? Who cares? Right. So it's like, I've been with the kids all day. I'm like, this is going to be great. Chris is going to get them ready for bed. I'm going to just be fucking chill. And she goes like this in the middle of her pee shopping.

And I, and I get what she says, oh my God, I have something due tomorrow. And I go, what an interesting thing to say. This could go horrible for me. You know, what an interesting thing to hear. Knowing, knowing that I had all these plans in my head to chill though. Right. I had all these plans in my head to chill though. Right? I had a light. I thought because I had the kids all day that I had a license to chill. Okay.

And then, Oh, while she's Photoshop in, I have something due tomorrow. By when? Nine a.m. ah fuck so she says I gotta get to work I said cool can you just put Billy down hell yeah jumped on it jumped on it dude saw it saw it coming said oh cool, could you put Billy to bed and then do whatever you gotta do. I'll put Calvin to bed later. Fuck yeah dude. Condor's losses. Knew it. Knew I couldn't have Cal... Knew I had to put Calvin to bed because she would be well into her work. Okay. But the Billy one just put the Billy one down and then you

get to do it. She says I was just gonna ask you to do that cuz I gotta go do it right now and I go oh I don't have a license to chill. I thought I had a license to chill and I don't have a license to chill. Okay It's all good. Let's Not get worked up. So I go yeah, I'll put him to bed She leaves she goes upstairs I Get a text. As I'm changing Billy's diaper. I think I want let me read it. I'll just read it. Get your blood boiling a little bit. Let me just read it for you. I have to watch How to Die in Oregon for the assignment.

That sent at 8.32 p.m. Then at 8.32 p.m. still, she writes again after that, you can't watch it with me? Hey, do you remember? Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Now hold on a second. I told you I was going to live my whole life without watching that. What? What? Hey. That's not fair. So I go like this. I look at the phone, and then I put it down. OK? I put it down because I think, huh, can't respond to that. You know why? I fucking already did.

Yes. What the fuck? You already have the answer. Wait. So I say nothing. Change his diaper, keep putting on socks and pants. Then at 8.36, four minutes go by. She texts, will you? Exclamation point. Like I wrote back before that. Yeah.

Okay, there have been no texts. She says, I have to watch How to Die in Oregon for the assignment. Will you can't watch it with me? Four minutes later, will you? Then still at 836, she writes, well only if you want. Then at 837, she writes, it's so overwhelming already. Then I write at 3.38, even though I know, I write, what is it about? Okay. Then she writes, 8.39 a minute later, physician assisted suicide. I just watched a guy drink the stuff with his family around and he was happy and laid down and died.

My heart is racing. I don't even want to read that don't stick me in the trees I was supposed to land safely I have a twig up my ass! Okay? So I write to her Two minutes later Jesus Christ, fuck that! Hahahaha! We're in the same house, dude! Putting Billy to bed, right? Wiping his ass! She says

Then, the same minute Ugh! I want support though. There's six pillows on the bed. So I write, I'm with Calvin babe lol. Come on Cal, look, do you know what assisted suicide is? Do you even know what suicide is? All right, we actually have to go back to the beginning. So life... So she says, I know but he's going to bed soon. Oh dude, were you gonna pause it for me? So then I write, all right, I'm gonna say something so clearly and I hope that it gets through but I don't think it will you know why? Men and women, huh? Right. It's a diff

So I write to her I Deeply don't want to subject myself to that movie. Okay, that is the most hardcore to that movie. That is the most hardcore text I've ever sent anyone, except for one time I texted a porn star, my dick is a rocket ship. And then her boyfriend texted me back. And that was crazy. It was like 15 years ago. So she writes back that minute, no no, I get it, okay babe, and I go, oh shit, Weebae meme. Did it really work? I don't have to watch this fucking thing? Dude. Five minutes later, I'm playing with Calvin still right just having the fucking great time I

Look up Kristen is in a fucking t-shirt and jammie pants With her fucking flip-flops, you know are like the house shoes with her fucking flip-flops you know or like house shoes I mean her face is so red and bawling and I and I look up and Calvin's with me and I go oh for fuck sake dude she needs this is fucking dude and so now I'm... I mean crying. Of course she is! It's got 100% red tomatoes! It's a TIF! And so she hugs me and just breaks down about, you know, I mean people who watch the documentary die so far.

Nine times, you know, nine? So I'm sitting here, I'm trying to make sure Calvin doesn't see her crying and she's like, I'm sorry, oh God, I can't believe it. We're so lucky, we're so fortunate and so much pain in the world. And I'm just like, yeah! Ha ha ha, yeah, no, no, no, I can't believe it. So we're so lucky. We're so fortunate and so so much pain in the world I'm just like yeah, haha. Yeah, no, no, no, I know I know and there's some fucking guy on on YouTube kids right now with like a blue wig just going like I'll get you out of that mustard jar Help me help me And I'm just like, okay, oh, oh, it's okay.

And then she wipes her tears and then she goes back. Then I put Calvin to bed. And I walk into our room. Let's call it her room right now, because all the shit that's happening in there at this point, that's for her. So I walk into her room and that used to be ours and she's crying because she's watching the show and she looks at me like oh did you come to and I go

oh okay I'll sit down. I sat down I watched a minute of it and there was a guy that's like can't afford they're not my insurance company is not going to pay for my surgery. So they'll pay for my pills to kill me. And I'm just like, oh, baby, I got to go downstairs. I got to go downstairs where this is not happening. She's like, I was like, she's like, really? I was like, baby, this is horrific. I'm not watching this.

So I go downstairs and I'll be, dude, and now I'm just like alone downstairs. The house is under construction. I'm just like, sit, this is me. Fuck. Watching the little mini TV, there's still that dude in the blue hair trying to get that girl out of the hourglass.

That's what it was. He was trying to get the girl out of this hourglass. And I'm like, oh, I'm just gonna go upstairs. I catch the end of the movie. Hey, guys, I saw the end of How to Die in Oregon. Hey, guys, hey, guys, if you're gonna watch that movie, don't watch the end. If you're gonna not watch a part, guys, it's

the end that that you shouldn't be watching. Dude, the woman? Yo. Yo. I don't even, it's like not, it's not funny. It's, how do you, dude, it's probably the last 15 minutes of the movie and the woman is just like in bed teaching her son, who's like 20 something, how to make her, I mean, dude, how am I even, life really isn't fair, how to make her Christmas cupcakes or whatever, treats, or dessert that she always makes that she's not going to be able to make next year, obviously. She's teaching him how to do it from her bed. He keeps coming in with the pan and he's like,

how do I do it? Does this look good for the thing? She's like, yeah, you just got to get the ridges and oh boy, I'll come in a little bit. I'm tired. She comes in, she's breathing heavily. She's like, that you're doing a good job goes back and she's just like, oh man, this is tough. I can't wait to do this really because, oh my God, because it's just, I feel okay. Like, you know, I have terminal cancer and I don't wanna spend the last days of my life shitting myself and like, you know, in so much pain.

I'm in so much pain now. So, okay. Kristen's crying and I'm just like next to her in the bed. I'm like, I guess I can't pain now. So, okay, Kristen's crying. I'm just like next to her in the bed. I'm like, I guess I can't leave now. And then it shows her having to drink the liquid and it shows the outside of the house and you just hear audio.

And she's just like, thanks everyone for being here. My doctor's here and the doctor gives her the thing and she's like, it tastes really bad so it's best if you just down it quickly. You're gonna get really sleepy and then you just, and I'm just like, hit me in the bed just like this. Holding Kristen's hand like this. And she's just,

because she's been watching it since the opening titles and I'm just like this. It's showing the house and just audio, which made it like so eerie. Okay, I love you mom, I love you dad, she's 54 years old, she's got her parents there, her sons, and I'm just like, okay, now drink it and then you hear the doctor

and she's like, there, that's great, that's great, there, you did it perfect, all right, so you're gonna get really sleepy. Oh God, and then the doctor leaves, she's like, I'm gonna give you this time for your family, and then she's like, there, that's great, that's great, there, you did it perfect, all right, so you're gonna get really sleepy. Oh God, and then the doctor leaves, she's like, I'm gonna give you this time for your family, and then she's like, you hear her crying, and then she's like, I wish people knew about this more, like it's so easy, I'm getting so tired,

and like the room is starting to spin, and like, I feel fine, and then the movie ends. I feel fine and then the movie ends and I'm just like, it just stops and I'm just, the movie ends and I'm just like, that's the end of the movie, it just stops when she dies and I'm just like, that's just like death. You just stops. There's no ending. You just stop, right? It's not like there's some fucking huge crescendo and denouement. You just stop, right? It's not like there's some fucking huge

Crescendo and denouement. You just stop be you stop living. You don't even die. You just stop living, right? We have this thing where it's like death is this grand thing that happens. It's kind of you just stop living It's shit It would be death if you bust a nut and go out, but you don't even get to do that. I don't think, I mean no one's lived to tell, but like if you got to bust a nut and die then okay call it death. You know, but you don't. You're just like walking around and you go, oh fuck, I gotta sit down and then you just... You're done. You just stop living. Come on, God. Let us bust a nut in the 11th hour.

Let us bust in the 11th hour. Oh man. Even if you die in your sleep, dude, wake me up to bust dude Hey God, wake me up to bust. I don't want to die in my sleep without but wake me up. What's going on? Hey, wait a second Was that a wet dream nope death a wet dream? Nope! Death! That's awesome! That's where that song, wake me up before you go go, that's what it's about dude. Busting and dying! Even if you get like a even if you're driving along and a semi gets knocked over and released its wood planks and they and they impale you through the driver's seat you still get

the bus dude then it's death Oh God I feel so ready Wake me up and so then it's but it's not that it's you just your life I feel so ready! Oh! Wake me up! And so, then it, but it's not that. It, you just, your life stops. They shouldn't call it dying,

they should call it stopping, all right? So the movie stops, and I'm like, that's kind of bullshit that the movie just, and I go, oh. Like the wee baby meme, they meant to do it, cause that's just what life is like when it stops. And I'm like, well fuck dude. I'm...

fucked for the night, okay? Because whether or not I'm fucked for the night, whether or not I processed it, whether or not I let it pierce through my exterior and get into my dark heart, whether or not I let it do that, I still gotta deal with... Oh, Kristen sad. So no matter that, I still gotta deal with, Oh, Kristen's sad. So no matter what, I'm fucked, dude. So... We just sit. You ever watch a movie with someone and then afterwards you just sit?

That's how much it affects you? You just sit. You go, sometimes you're in the theater, you don't even leave. You watch a whole nother movie. You just sit, you go, so that's you're in the theater, you don't even leave. You watch a whole nother movie. You sit there, you watch it again. Like you just, you're just too stunned to even move. You just, that's how it was after fucking, how to die in Oregon. And when I was in the theater and I watched Moulin Rouge,

those two movies, I sat, I watched Moulin Rouge, that fucking shit ended, I just started crying, I just sat in the theater until the guy came with the tray that was like, can I clean in the aisle? And so I'm like, oh god damn, this is really, I didn't want to watch this. And now I'm different, right? Sometimes I get worried that if I see something Too much. I'm gonna be different now, which I guess I think is a bad thing, but it's probably not a bad thing it's good to grow and I Go. Oh, that was really heavy, huh? And she was like, it's so unfair. Life is so unfair. It is unfair

It sucks and she's the woman who was so unfair, life is so unfair, and it is unfair, it sucks. And the woman who was taking the potion to die, she was like so upbeat and so positive and so inspiring and a hero in a lot of ways. And I'm like, oh my God. And then I'm like, fuck, she was 54, I'm 44, that fucking sucks, I knew a guy last week that died at 51, Chino XL died at 50. What the fuck?

And then I'm like Opens up her laptop Kristen Play now. I'm watching the fucking lady in the red blazer again with the fucking horn room glasses Talking about assisted suicide some states it's legal and it's legal and if it's legal in the states and some states it used to be Oregon was the first state and then that if you're if you're going to be talking to someone who wants to assisted suicide then it's it's it's legal in the state of Washington and Oregon, and then

Montana, it's not technically legal, but they pushed the bill and then if you want to, you can... What you have to do is move to... It's legal and someone did in LA, Los Angeles, California, but they moved to Oregon, it's legal, and that pushed them to change the law in California. And it's legal in California now this is a suicide and I'm just like fuck and then she says and there's a movie there's a movie that you you can watch I think it's 299 on Apple on Apple TV on iTunes if you just go now. It's not part of your curriculum to watch it But you can if you want

And I go, oh, okay. You just did extra credit. You didn't, I'm different now because of enrichment. Hey. I'm different now because of enrichment! Hey! You lying? Or... Do not pay tench! Hey! I'm sad now because of enrichment! Hahahaha! Fuck! because of enrichment

So I'm like, guess I'll go to bed. Did it? No problem. Slept nine hours. Woke up at seven. Got Calvin ready for bed I mean school and had a meeting with my fucking psychologist and then had a meeting with my couples therapy. Oh, oh dude, I'm all scrambled up right now.

Oh my God, dude. It's like to do all this throughout life, the whole thing. Live, find the meaning through the suffering, you know, and like, look, my life's great. I'm not, you know, your life is as good as you make it sometimes. You know, a lot of it has positivity. I woke up this morning, I went outside and I'm like, let's just try to be positive today. Let's think about the things I'm grateful for let's be outside for 10 minutes soak up in the Sun and Then I'm like to do all this and to just not get to fucking bust before you go What a cruel cruel world, you know?

Um. Oh gosh, man. You gotta feel all that shit, I guess, because it's like, I don't know, women are so interesting because man, they love to just like sit in that and just peel back layers, you know? Kristen said something to me the other day, she's like, why don't you invite your friends over

and you have like a talk where like you do this and that and then like you invite like, you know, five guys over and then she mentioned the guys and she was like, and you could just talk and you could just like tell each other about each other's like, uh, vulnerabilities and I'm just like, Oh, cause of dicks. And then under that balls. You don't get it.

And she's like, no, I know, I know, but no, but then I'm just like, I'm not really going to, I can do that. You know? And then I'm the, not that she made me feel like it, but now, now because of my personality, like, okay, I'm the bad guy. Cause I disagree. No. Anyway, I did not even intend to tell that story.

I did not mean to tell it that long, but it's like that's what's happening. Paul Prudell, Des Moines, Iowa. I'm going upriver. Oh. I'm going up river. Oh, I'm going up river and I want to kick that son of a bitch bison's ass or the next bison wannabe is going to feel it. I haven't done that in a long time, dude. I love it. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Go to hollard.baby slash Kristalía if you want to purchase a shout out or mini ad on this podcast. Huckleberry Road, Country Rock, y'all turn it. Uh, band releases new song quiet anymore. Because Halloween, what are you doing for Halloween? This guy just went is going this white guy, this white couple is going as P Diddy and baby oil and The kid did blackface dude

Why is it? Something that people what I I'd like to know the statistics on is it Doesn't everybody know to not do it because of either, either racism. And if you don't buy that, if you're like, I don't care, it's racist. I'm going to do it anyway. I'm not racist.

Okay, fine. That's an argument that you can make. I'm still going to do it. Still gonna make your life worse. Right. So what's the upside getting someone to go like this? Oh, halloween? Oh, who are you? Wait, let me get my, let me get my girl here, you'll see. Oh, it's like, dude, what about if she goes and gets a drink? You're just standing there racist. But

it's just so weird because the woman or the girl, I don't know, they look like they're in college, but the girl is baby oil. It says Johnson's baby on her shirt and then she's holding a bottle of baby oil, which she doesn't need to be because nobody wants to hold a baby oil. But, and then he's P Diddy in an outfit that P Diddy would never wear. Just a black blazer, white pants, beaten up Adidas shoes and a red bow tie. Like, uh, P Diddy or are you ashy patch Adams? Um,

so wild, wild. So I don't know. I want to know the stats on the people who do blackface still. I want to know what percentage of the people don't know that that's what they're doing. Cause it can't be much. That's the only way, obviously, you're not really at fault for something.

Cause you're like, Oh, I didn't know about blackface. What is it? Oh, I didn't mean to. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. That's the only way. Cause if you're either, or you're like, yeah, I'm going to be blackface and really stick it to these black people.

Or you're like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be blackface. I don't give a fuck, dude. I might get in trouble, but fuck that. You still know your life's going to be, I'm going to be blackface. I don't give a fuck, dude. I might get in trouble, but fuck that. You still know your life's going to be worse afterwards. Um, it's wild. I'd love to know the percentage. Yeah. I mean, I know I'm getting whispers from the 0%, but it's like, there's,

there's really dumb people out there, but I do get it. We're Chinese first generation. We love Trump from our bottom of the heart. people out there but I do get it. No qualification to be the president you shall stay away from that position You are they lost the position you lost our trust you lost our vote You just need to go home to stay home. You cannot do anything to save America. You are so stupid I don't know anything you can not even answer any question From all the media. How you can be on the stage to fight for America, to protect American people, to protect all the world.

You are not qualified. You just need to go home, like Trump, to save America. I mean, this is South Park. Dude, this is unbelievable. This, I would fully vote for this woman. She's passionate, dude. Passionate like I've never seen it. Look at the guy doing that.

And I love how the crowd behind her is like, Oh God. Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, we do agree with her. So And I love how the crowd behind her is like, Oh God, okay. Well, yeah, I mean, we do agree with her. So to put America first, if America to be strong. I mean, this is three minutes of her doing this.

Is she doing a podcast? That's amazing. Um, I appreciate you guys. And that's it for the episode. If you want to watch, I'll be in Toronto, I'll be in Bismarck, I'll be in Sioux Falls, I'll be in Sudbury, I'll be in North Bay. Go to chrisley.com to get tickets. Oh, and I'll be in Irvine and Brea and a bunch of different places. Go to chrisley.com to get tickets. I appreciate you. If you want wanna watch the rest of the episode, this is it for the YouTube.

If you wanna watch the rest of the episode, go to the Patreon, patreon.com slash Kristalija. Uh, it is a, uh, is awesome. All you Patreon subscribers, I'm so appreciative to you, your producers of the show, and I love you for it. And, uh, I love you for keeping this show,

uh, alive and going. Thank you.