Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 412. Givin' Gawk

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

😮 Holler price drop! Get a shoutout on Congratulations for $40 for the next week: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. 📦 Get a 60-day free trial at shipstation.com/congrats. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! In this week's episode Chris obtains Global Entry, has some shows in Canada, and really wishes Kristin would stop using his toothbrush. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I just posted about them, but I will be in Southern California doing a bunch of dates. So go to chrisley.com to get tickets. And I can't believe it is 412, episode 412 of Congratulations. ["Crazy"] My hair's not doing what I want it to today. That's fine.

Oh, wow. Did you just hear that? A serpent was just born in my esophagus. That's cool. I, I, my hair's not doing what it wants. I go back and forth, you know. I had a guy who cut my hair once and he was, well, well, he was like my guy. He would cut it a lot but um, and he said don't wash your hair just straight up and I was like

Wow Okay That's pretty insane. Huh? And he said yeah, it has enough oils. That's it's gonna keep clean. It'll be fine. And I was like, all right oils that's it's gonna keep clean it'll be fine and I was like all right but I washed it I kept washing it because that sounds absolutely insane I didn't not wash it I kept washing it multiple times a week and dude this week I just go you know what I'm gonna give what he said a shot and I didn't wash it for 10 days. And let me tell you something, dude, it looked fantastic on day seven and day eight

and day nine and day 10, it looked absolutely tragic. So I had to wash it. So I washed it and now it's like this and it looks bad again, but better than the tragic version. So I figured it out. So I wash it once every about eight days, but I'm not tragic version. So I figured it out. So I wash it once every about eight days, but I'm not gonna do that. I'm still gonna be washing it.

So anyway, dude, I let you in the mindset of where I am, you know, in a bunch of different ways. With my family, politically, with comedy, you know, cleanliness, and this is part of cleanliness. So that's fine. I'm gonna have a magic mine, dude. I drank one already today. I'm drinking my second one. And it is day... no, episode four of... part four of the Antipodes episode. I still have this jug of water. Can't stop drinking it because it's just still there. There's just too much water in a thing. Anyway, I am back from Canada.

I got the global entry, dude. I got the global, did I talk about this on this podcast yet? The global entry, dude. I got the global... Did I talk about this on this podcast yet? The global entry dude. I got the global entry. Now what does global entry mean? It means they keep upping the stakes on this stuff right? Remember when there was just you go to the airport? That's it. That's all it was. You go to the airport, you get in line, you get on the plane. That's it. Now this is before 9-11. After 9-11, they added some security measures like, hey, by the way, take out your laptop.

Why? Just do that and your shoes take them off too. Why? There was a guy that was doing something with his shoes and... Okay. So then there's that. that and then there was TSA pre. Now it took me a while to get that but sometimes it's great you get TSA pre and you can go and beat you basically pay to go a little bit quicker and it works and it's great so you got to get TSA pre. Now after TSA pre a few years go by and then they say hey there's a new company clear do you want to get it and you go what you say it's basically they take your picture and they make sure who you are and they just move you to the

front of the line and you do it so you go no I'm not getting it and then a year later you go I'm getting it just because time passes right and you're a sucker so I got clear and now I use clear sometimes no actually I try to get my money's worth it's something I use clear and but I also have TSA pre so I they're like now you don't have to take your shoes off or your laptop out because you paid and we know who you are and just checking the clear thing and then just sometimes clear takes longer though because it's been around for long enough it takes longer than TSA pre so I still am like nah I'm gonna use clear though because I paid for it and then I see people in TSA pre go before me and I'm

like man this isn't worth it I'm paying more to be later so it's like really annoying so then they go hey guess what we got global entry and I'm like what's that well when you go to a different country you could do it much quicker so you don't have to go through the regular customs and then this and that and I say not getting it. Three years passed by, still didn't get it. Four years passed by, five years passed by, got it. OK, why? Because I'm a sucker.

So now I have TSA pre, I have clear, I have global entry and and dude, sometimes I even get Delta one Which is you just go and you have to pay some money and they just like walk on the plane at what point is there gonna Be like, you know What's that thing like just? transportation from your actual bedroom to where you just you go to sleep tonight you wake up on the plane because dude when I do global entry okay because I did global entry I get to the airport and dude I'm like mister I got the thing I'm using it dude I got the thing I'm using it so I walked into the airport with my global entry card like this I'd show the the driver comes and picks me up at my house I go hey does this get us there to the airport quicker or is this just for the

airport and he drives me to the airport I get to the airport walk out holding the global entry card like this right. I give it to the lady hey lady here you go go buy entry card she says I could take that and, does it, what do I do with it? And she says, oh, you just nothing. You just go there and then you can show them that if you want. I do it. I go in, I use the TSA pre. I use the clear. Nothing was different with my global entry card.

Hey, yes dude. So I'm like sitting now waiting for my flight to take off. And I'm like, what the fuck did I buy? Cause I went to global entry dude they make it and they make it annoying because what they do is they say I don't I don't I don't like I just it I don't want people to ever say dude you gotta get this it bothers me that's why I don't have Costco membership, okay? People be like, dude, you can get a hot dog for 150

and a Pepsi and it's crazy. You think you have the best mattress in the world? Get a Costco mattress and it's way cheaper. And you go, okay, no, not gonna, right? Especially now after those, hey, we're Costco guys. We're Costco guys. Of course we work out with the tires in the aisles, huh? Hey what?

We're Costco guys, of course of course we're pissing all over the the fucking toys toy aisle, we're Costco guys, of course we go to sleep in one of the mattresses and wake up the next day, we're Costco guys. No, okay. So, so I'm using the thing, all right? But they say, hey, you gotta get global entry. Finally I get global entry, because one time when I was flying in and out of Canada,

this line is too long, so he said you should get global entry. I was like, okay, right. So I get the global entry, and you have to make an appointment to pay for you pay for it then you call then they email you and then you pick an appointment and then like in a few weeks you go to a place near the airport which is so annoying and it's not the airport and I don't like when people say you go

to the airport go I don't like when people say go when you are going to go somewhere on a flight they say and just do it beforehand. Hey dude, no. It's two separate things. It's a whole separate building not in the airport. It's close to the airport. So I don't want people saying it's in the airport because it's not in the airport. Okay? If you get global entry it's not in the airport. Period. So I drove on one of my days off. I went there and it took four seconds and I'm like, all right, I got the card the next week. So anyway, I walk into the thing with the global entry.

I'm sitting on a plane, didn't do shit. So I'm like, what the fuck is with this global entry, dude? Um, huh? When do I get to use it? I do my whole trip in Canada, which I'll talk about. I did the whole trip in Canada. I played North Bay. Oh, he played Sudbury. Oh, he played Toronto and it was great. Okay.

And then I go back and I walk into the thing and I, and I say, Hey, Hey, I go into the Canada, I say, Hey, when do I get to use this global entry to a person? That's, you know, I don't know, man. There's he was, I don't know what his, I don't know what race it was. There's somebody, there's a, there's a race that I Don't know man. There's he was I don't know what his I don't know what race it was. There's somebody There's a there's a race that I don't know what it is. I Said it there's a race out there. I don't know what it is. I Don't know what it is. I'm sorry if it's racist. I know there's white black Latino Asian I know there's white, black, Latino, Asian, Indian, then there's like Arab, and then there's, you know, there's another one in there that I don't know what it is that, and I don't

mean to be racist, but it it's they're in Toronto a lot and they're always working somewhere dude and you go I don't okay I you know I'm not gonna pretend to know what it the race is and it's fine but like you love Drake and you wear a black trench coat. You know what I'm saying? And your beers manicured anyway. I'm not racist, but dude, what is that race? So anyway, they're working at the airport cause they're always working. So I say, Hey, um, when do I get to use the global thing?

And he says, Oh, you only get to use it when you go back to America. And I'm like, all right, I'm going back to America. So I go to the thing, I show everybody my global entry card. And there was just one line that I need to go to instead of customs because of the global entry. And it is 100% not even a little bit faster than regular customs. So it better work next time better is all I'm saying, but I have it, you know, and that's that.

And it's, you know, is that, I don't, here's the thing, dude. I've been doing this podcast so long for 412 episodes, plus one, if you count the secret episode that's on our Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris Lee, you can only access it there. Um, that I don't even know, honestly, somebody said, somebody said the other day to me, they said, Hey dude, you got a few podcasts, what's your least favorite one to do? And I'm like, well, I'll tell you this much,

congratulations has become the hardest to do. And the reason is, not because I get worse at doing podcasts, it's because dude, I've already said everything. I already said everything I think, okay? What do you wanna, what do you want to know? Dude, there's 412 hours of me talking on the internet. Hello? I want that, first of all, I want all that off the internet. There's stuff in there that I've said that I don't even... Dude, I mean, my God, how much dumb bullsh-ish have I said on this podcast that I wish...

I never said it, but it's out there. I don't care. I'm not looking for it. Good. Have a out there I don't care not looking for it good have a field that don't care doesn't matter and so I've already said everything dude skiing boom there's a clip about skiing no doubt Matthew McConaughey boom there's a clip about Matthew McConaughey no doubt a bathroom etiquette there's a clip about bathroom etiquette somewhere no doubt what am i going to talk about now i gotta talk about like what's going on in the world and the only thing that's going on in the world is what's fucked and dude i don't want you know what do i talk about

elon musk already did it donald trump did it i mean i could talk about Bitcoin going crazy should have bought it fucking two weeks ago dude how did I not see it coming how did I not see it coming thank God I got Tesla knew it dude I got Tesla in 2019 but how did I not know how did I not know about Bitcoin how How did I not know Doge? Doge is still selling, I sold all my Doge this summer. Great dude, but anyway, the stock market's killing it. But I don't wanna talk about the stock market. But I've already talked about everything.

So congratulations gets harder and harder because I have to come up with new ideas to talk about or new things have to happen or new inventions, you know? And even if they're new inventions, I've already talked about it because I imagined them up as some silly stupid bit like Robot cars there now they're here. I've already talked about that Whatever dude, I it is what it is, but I was in Canada this week and

I Went to let me tell okay so look, I did North Bay, Sudbury and Toronto. And I've been waiting for the Toronto show forever. It was, you know, I don't even know how big the venue was. It was big. It was a few thousand people, but, um, and before that I did North Bay and Sudbury and I wasn't going to do, I've never been to Sudbury or North Bay. North Bay was like 1300 people. Sudbury was a venue that was... Dude, it was at a fucking

Radisson Inn. Okay? Now, yo, my tour manager was like, yo, this is not like a typical theater venue that you're used to. I said, okay. He said, yeah, it's like a conference room. And I was like, okay. He was like, yeah, it's like a Radisson Inn. And I said, it's like a Radisson Inn or is that Radisson Inn?

And they're like, yeah. And they're like, but I don't wanna stay at Radisson Inn. I said, why not? And he said, ah, cause it sucks. And I're like, yeah. And they're like, but I don't want to stay at Radisson Inn. I said, why not? And he said, ah, cause it sucks. And I was like, yeah. And he said, and cause everyone there is going to be at your show and you're not going to be able to go anywhere. And I go, fuck yeah, you're right.

All right. Let's stay at that. What do you stay to fucking Hampton Inn across the street or whatever. Right. So dude in. So with two N's, go fuck yourself, right? In, you know, what are you in the fucking 1600s? This is the in, huh?

I know, I know, I know, but just it's a place or a hotel. Okay, and so I get to the thing and they're like, we got two shows, the conference room is too small. You sold a lot of tickets. All right. So we're going to make two shows out of it. So I'm like, all right, fuck. I guess I'll do two shows. Great. Get to the place.

The guy there says, hey, we found a different room here. We're going to do one show. And I'm like, hey, dude, figure this stuff out already. Hey, dude, it's my show. I just got here and you just told me it's in a different room and bigger and one less than we were going to do. Hey guy, prep me. Hey guy, let me know last week at least. Hey guy, let me know a month ago. Hey guy, what about the people that were going to show up at 9 30 for the second show oh it's handled okay how we emailed them and we called them all right bro oh okay so I'm at the Radisson Inn and I always think about when I think of Radisson Inn I always think of I had a twin at the Radisson Inn with fuck with Eminem dude I had a twin at the Randith and so I I go I'm like all right come on go to the

green room it's not even a green room it's like they call it the Notre Dame room Notre Dame room which is like dude I love when like these you know you got to stay in some of these shitty hotels when you go to a bunch of different places like I was in a Sudbury okay I was in places. Like I was in Sudbury, okay? I was in Sudbury, okay? I was in Sudbury. You know where that is, right? Oh, you don't? Oh yeah, no shit.

That's why I'm saying I was there at the fucking Hampton Inn, all right? And the Radisson Inn. So you gotta stay at these places. And they're not the greatest places. And they're fine, they're fine. They're, there's nothing wrong with them, right? Like I'm joking about how it's a Radisson,

I mean, what, no, it is a Radisson, but like I'm joking about how it's not a terrible place. It's like you just go there and you stay and who cares? Whatever the fuck, you know? And so I go there and they're like, come on, we got the green room for you. It's the Notre Dame room. So I'm like, oh cool, we got the green room for you. It's the Notre Dame room. So I'm like, oh cool.

It's just a fucking another conference room that I'm just not gonna be performing in. And I walked through the kitchen to the show. Bro, I get there. The fucking place is jam packed. I'm gonna put a clip of it on my other YouTube channel. So check it out. But it was an awesome show the

ceiling was low the Radisson Inn whoopsie daisy slipped up into an amazing venue dude so I went out there 800 people in this conference room dude dressed up the fucking shit was dressed up right right? And just... I mean, bro, it was so fun. Yes! I realized I'm a professional. That's the thing. Dude, put me in any room. I don't give a shit. I will play it. It was so fun, dude. And then a light caught on fire, and so I had to get off stage. And look, that's definitely because it was at a Radisson Inn. But look, it was fine.

It was just, there was a curtain up against the next one of the lights. I got off stage, but it was, I was at the end anyway, so the place caught fire, but it's all good. So anyway, um, I'm going to see, look, I've talked about this before, this, and I'm going to talk about it again. Okay. I'm going to see Danny Go. If you don't know what Danny Go is, you haven't been listening to this podcast and you also

don't really go on YouTube at all because it's got millions and millions, billions and billions of views, millions of views. Okay. Danny Go is a kids show and he's got other people on there like barehead and pap pap and just don't even ask me. Okay. But Danny Go and it's awesome because the kids like jump around to it. It's interactive. Bro, the dude hit me up.

Hey, we're gonna be in, at the, down in Los Angeles. Okay, I'm going, all right? Okay? I'm going, okay? I'm going with my kids. I'm going with my wife. I'm going with my mother-in-law, dude.

And I am, okay, man. Let me think, the last time I was this excited. It reminds me of times I got to go to the baseball card store when I was a kid with my dad. I'm so ex, dude, I looked on Danny Goh's story the other day at the, on his Instagram, andh's story the other day at the at the at the on his Instagram and I saw how the show goes. All these kids have lights dude I'm buying I'm buying glow sticks and I'm rocking it and I'll tell you what bro

I'm getting the fucking hat that he wears and I'm gonna wear it and I'll tell you this dude I'm gonna go there and I said to my son I said hey guess what? We're going to Danny glow you like glow sticks, right? And he said yeah He loves glow sticks except one time we were in a car and he was winging around so back and forth so much that it Broke and went his eyes and he screamed and I thought he was gonna go blind and I pulled over and I pulled out And I was probably I was trying to be cool but I was so so nervous and it ended up being fine but he said I said well guess what dude they have glow sticks there

that they sell and we can get them and he says what for real and I said yep and he said but Danny Glow has big glow sticks in his videos and I said, yeah, they got the big ones. And he said, oh my gosh. I said, you excited to go? And he said, yeah. And I'm just like fucking, give me that garbage. Dude. Throw it away, throw it away, throw it away.

It's a bop, bro. Go fuck yourself, it's a bop. It's a bop bro go fuck yourself it's a bop it's a bop sharks in the water it's a fucking bop go fuck yourself dude you know um anyway my son's gonna meet Danny go I'll tell you that much right now. Billy won't really care that much, but dude, he goes, cheese. Now when you take a picture of him, Billy, and it's just so cute. Hey, you know what, man? I was watching this thing on Peacock and it was like about this woman that did, uh, I don't even

know what it was called. My wife just puts, man, my wife will put stuff on at like 8 30 AM. That just has no business being on at 8 30 AM. It's, it's like, it'll be like, uh, you know, the Chronicles of the Decapitator and you're like, what is this? And like, it's a real, it's a, it's a mini, uh, series. It's like three episodes and it's about a guy who saw his head off heads off. And I go, Oh, really? Who plays them?

And like, no, it's a real guy. And I'm like, Oh, yeah. So we got to watch it. Oh, and how'd they catch him? They didn't. He's on the loose. Oh, and how'd they catch him? They didn't, he's on the loose. Oh, really, where? West Lake Village.

Okay. It's like, dude, put on fucking, you know, don't girls watch Friends or something? Right? Or like, no, dude, it's just like, hey, wake up, Face Shooters is on. And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's 8.30, I know, but I put on Face Shooters.

What is it? It's a guy and he just fucking, he goes around blasting people's faces off and it shows it in graphic detail. Let's order food. and it shows it in graphic detail. Let's order food. Hey guys, let's take a break.

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with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code congrats to sign up for your free, it's free, your free 60 day trial. That's ShipStation.com code congrats. So she puts on this thing and she's like, just found this thing, it's awesome.

And it's on Peacock. And I don't even know what it's called to be honest. It's about this lady Finch. Yeah, Finch, somebody Finch. And she wrote for that show, Grey's Anatomy, which my dad worked for. And she apparently lied, she's a great writer, lied about having cancer, lied about her brother dying,

lied about being abused, lied about so many different things. And would go to, do things like go check in mental hospitals pretending like she had stress issues and then would meet people and then Befriend them and then go to Grey's Anatomy and write their story dude she was hijacking trauma dude whoa man and then you you'd just be watching Grey's Anatomy and you'd be like what the fuck you're a crazy person because you're in a mental institute and you're watching Grey's Anatomy and you're like that's me that's what happened to me and then they just think you're more crazy. Lady had it locked down. Dude, she had the sociopath lifestyle locked down. Check

this out, dude. She befriended somebody in the mental institution and she had an abusive relationship with her husband and so her husband was crazy stalking this woman. So this woman went to the mental institution. So the Grey's Anatomy writer went to the mental institution and then was like, I can help you, I can protect you. They both got out, okay? The husband ended up committing slew- slewicide, I don't want to say it, okay? Because I don't want to get demonetized, but slewicide, slip and slide, okay? And then, the lady says, well guess what? I can take care of you now.

I'm a lesbian now and you're my wife. And they get married, dude! Here's the deal, okay? The wife, the one who was in the mental institution first, okay, first of all, the Grey's Anatomy lady is writing all about this other woman and put it on Grey's Anatomy, and the other lady is like, hold on,

I caught this Finch girl in a lie, I'm gonna expose her, but dude, she was in a mental institution, and she went to a mental institution because she had dissociation problems, and now no one's gonna believe her. Dude, the lady was the best psychopath ever! That's unreal. So she's like, she played the long game, dude. She played the long game.

If a sociopath plays the long game on you, you're fucked. Finally, things kept crashing down. I found out that she didn't have cancer, that she didn't have anything, and then she's a piece of shit. And my whole thing is like, this woman lied about all of this stuff, and okay, she doesn't work for Grey's Anatomy anymore, and I'm like, okay, and then I'm just like remember when everyone was saying believe all women and I'm just like what the fuck hey dude everyone's crazy believe no one No one.

Everyone, everyone is going through fucked up shit. Believe no one. Dude, in 2020, if you said no to believe all women, you would be castrated and shot in the face. Everyone lies, dude. It's so, it's just so fucking, it's called anatomy of lies, crazy anatomy. And it was the thing she wrote for anatomy of lies. And it's just wild, bro. You got it. You should look at it.

You should look at it. And then you should realize that. Yeah. I mean, she once when Me Too happened, she was like, I've been abused. She was just, dude, movements start good and then all become fucked up because everyone wants power. Yes, he figured it out. Black Lives Matter had good intentions. And then that lady fucking stole millions of dollars and bought a bunch of houses, yes! Right? And then the fucking dude

What about Amber Heard, yes! She took advantage of it You know? Oh wow We figured things out on this podcast, I've already talked about everything. What do you want? Isn't that amazing? So um, now we have a good time. Go to Westlake private wealth management if you are a baby who needs help backing up the Brinks truck.

Chase DePello is a local financial advisor focusing on financial planning. Happy birthday to my wonderfully annoying yet very lovable sister-in-law. You're welcome for introducing you to the best cult that is no dent squad. Love you shithead, Mike. Okay? Those are hollers. So, if you want a mini shout out, go to holler.com. Holler baby, what is it?

What is it? Holler.baby slash Krystalia. Yes, dude. Megan Fox and MGK are pregnant. Congratulations, dude. She came out with a fucking awesome post. She was just dripped in like tar and stuff. I don't even know what it was, like paint, black paint. And then, and then she, and then it had a belly, you know?

And she's like, and so that was her announcement, which is pretty cool. It's cool that women can do that announcement, you know? That's gotta be awesome. You know, that's got to be awesome You know remember when Beyonce did it with when she was performing and then she just stuck her belly out Guys don't have something like that, you know guys There should be a

Pregnancy announcement for guys like that. That's a physical thing that you can just show your bump and you'd be like, guys, like you get to like just, I don't know what it is. Maybe you only pull your balls out, not your cock, but like you're only your balls out, you know, of your jeans and you have to zip it up and then button it over and your penis is smashed up against the top part of the button and your balls are hanging out

and you just go guys and they go oh no congratulations and you go yep yep yep yep yep we're pregnant oh that's so great you're just your hairy balls just out and then buttoned up over it like the amateur allure website, dude. Amateur allure was a fucking is, I don't know if it is, but dude, that's what we call the amateur allure. You take your dick and balls out and then you, you, you put the button back on and just get fucking sucked off, dude. But man, that the guy and Dude that I think probably amateur allure is the funniest porn website that there that I've seen

I mean dude, I've seen about five of them. No bullshit, and I'm not saying I don't watch porn I I do I have but like I you know, I just go to the main one, right? porn hub But like, you know, I just go to the main one, right? Uh, Pornhub. But dude, and I don't, I've never bought a subscription to any of them. I don't think. And, uh, but if I was going to buy one, it would be to amateur allure because, dude, it's hilarious. Yes. Dude, it's hilarious. Yes, because the guy takes his penis

and then buttons his gene button back over his penis, dude. Dude, and he taught... Extra work, dude. But his balls are like cupped out, you know, over his jeans and just smashed. And he, the way he, the way he like talks to the women is so weird, bro. He's just like, all right. And who do we have here? Like, and it's just like, dude, it's like, he's like, it's like, she's

signing up for global entry. Hey, but you're not though, you're here to get jizzed in. All right, so what brings you here? You know, getting jizzed in. Ah, so who do we have here? Oh, darling. Okay, very, very, very sweet, darling. And, okay, and we are, how old are we? We're 25? Okay, alright, well, we're 25. Dude, don't act like she's not giv- She's not giving gawk, dude!

She's here to give gawk dude she's here to give gawk bro she's not here I mean yeah she is here for a job but she's got the job and now and now she's here to give gawk so and they got like the crazy ring light dude, the ring light that's just like crazy, like you're getting abducted, like just fire in the sky, just like this, and you're not getting abducted, you're here to give gawk.

You can see the ring light in her eyes and he's like, okay, so who do we have here? So this is absolutely great. Like she's signing up for global entry, but she's here to give gawk. And so the guy is always dressed in a button down and jeans with only his dick and balls out and a watch dude. And the jeans are super boot cut and he just looks like a dad from L'Aquignada getting gawk you don't see his face though and then dude it got so

popular the site got so popular you gotta look this up bro the site got so popular, you got to look this up bro. The site got so popular that the guy couldn't, there was too much gawk to give. It was popular and it would get like, I guess it got a lot, dude. And there was too much gawk to give. So he had to hire other guys to get gawked. All right. So he had to hire other guys to get gawked. All right. And he definitely told the other dudes that you have to talk to the you have to.

You know, I should play the audio. I could probably play some of the audio, right? Of the guy talking to the way he talks to the girl before the before the S-E-X. Let me just play some of it because dude, it's so funny. talking to the way he talks to the girl in before this before the S E X. Let me just play some of it because dude, it's so funny. The way he talks to them is so funny, dude. Let me, let me go and see if it's on that P hub. You know what I'm talking about? P hub.

Come on. Oh yeah. This computer is terrible. I forgot. I need to get a new computer. Yes, I'm older than that. I could go in there. All right, dude. Look at the names of this shit. Look at this. Mr. Lucky P. O. V. You know? Perv Mom. Right to it.

My friend's hot mom. So right to it. Hey. Blacked. Nine black dudes. And one chick. Okay. You know? Alright, hold on. Let me get to this amateur lore. Amateur. get to this amateur lore. I'm a, I'm amateur.

Okay. Amateur. A lower. Frink. Yeah. Here we go. All right. Okay.

They got it. Okay. Right here. Okay. Look, dude, the ring light, man. She's getting abducted, but she's not. She's just given gawk. Hey, here we go.

Let's get the best. I might have to cut some of this out because I don't want it to be disgusting. But the way he talks to these is just hilarious. This is the beginning of it, okay? I don't know, I'm just a random one. Just a random one. I was tempted.

I mean, I mean. Dude, the ads that they have are unbelievable. Wow. Okay, here. The way he talks. First of all, like it's Lord of the Rings, that music. Here we go. The music, dude.

Oh, whoa. He just goes whoa okay and it's a chick with and she's got to you know all this stuff there how are you I'm very good what is your name my name is Daisy Fuentes what that's not Daisy Fuentes. What? That's not Daisy Fuentes. Hey, she, she stole that name from the VH, VH Wonder. You're beautiful, Daisy. Thank you. Yeah, superb. Where are you from? I'm from San Diego.

I actually just moved here from San Diego. I mean, like he's so impressed. Wow. Just drove up from San Diego, huh? Daisy, how big are these boobs first? Wow, just drove up from San Diego, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're not signing up for global entry. Dude, I'm just, I need to know how big these boobs are because I need to put it on your global entry card. Ha ha ha! First of all, they are a beautiful. Oh, the craziest first of all of all time right here.

Daisy, how big are these boobs first of all? They are a beautiful 32 double D. Oh my God. Would you like to see? Not yet. Hmm, let's give it a moment. And what did you do for work down there in San Diego? I was a waitress.

Is that right? Yeah. You have beautiful eyes, Daisy. Thank you. I love your smile. Thank you. Let me see that tongue. Dude! I mean, bro, the way this guy talks so clinical is, dude, it is just, it's so funny to me. Let me see that tongue Daisy do you enjoy giving head oh god dude above fucking job all right dude we're out of this but this is so funny oh man oh man that's so funny. And he puts his jeans, oh god, dude. Fantastic, man.

But I'm not, you know, man, it's been so long since I looked at that website. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ah. This is the last episode in this studio, I believe. I think next week it's going to be the new studio. I finally got it all together, put up the wallpaper in my new house, and it's just going

to rip and we're excited. And I can't wait. The flight from... Wind is crazy how it, you know, you go to Toronto and it's like from LAX it's three and a half hours and then you come back and it's five hours and it's like, dude, is it the wind or is really is the is the captain is the pilot just taking his sweet old time is he trying to get the extra hour in there to get paid I'm always like I'm so bad at like doing

things to set me up for later that's exactly what what it is. Wow, I just figured it out. You know, this podcast is good because I realize stuff about me when I'm talking. I don't really think this much except for when I'm doing this podcast, I'm like, now I start thinking and I go like to an hour of like, oh, how do I feel about this?

I don't know about that. And then I really fucking start learning about myself. But dude, I'm not good at getting, getting myself situated. Like I have to really realize, Hey dude, you're hungry. Get something to eat or, or you're not, or even worse, Hey, you're not, you're kind of hungry right now. You don't want to eat or or you're not or even worse. Hey, you're not you're kind of hungry right now. You don't want to eat. Now, but you're going to a park

and you're going to be there for five hours. So so pick bring something right. I won't get that far. I'll just like an idiot, go to the park. And then I'm mad because I'm hungry in an hour, and then I'm mad for four hours, right? Oh, hey, Kristen, stop using my toothbrush. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's my mouth. Hey, it goes in my mouth. Okay, I got two. No, dude dude it it won't it won't stop. It won't stop. It won't stop. I get five toothbrushes sometimes. I use one, she uses that one. Man, it really bothers me, dude. And I said to her, hey, don't use my toothbrush so many different times. And guess what?

She does. And so, I finally get, dude, I got the dopest toothbrushes, jet black toothbrushes. What the fuckest toothbrushes jet black toothbrushes what the fuck there's jet black toothbrushes yeah but the bristles are white no they're not they're black as night just like the handle okay so where is their color there isn't unless you use colorful toothpaste it's jet black I have cool toothbrushes okay I got two of them. I

Got one for the shower. Bada boom and one for the sink in the bathroom. Bada boom I'm living large. This is kind of shit when you're 44 you're living large for you. Oh, this is awesome Oh, guess what? I also have two toothpastes. Yo, I Put one in the shower. Bada boom and one in the shower, bada-boom, and one on the sink. Bada-boom, dude! He's really living large. He got two jet black toothpastes, two jet black toothbrushes, two toothpastes, and I did a smart thing too. I got all-natural toothpaste, and I put that in the shower, and I got crest toothpaste toothpaste and I put that in the shower and I got crest toothpaste and I put on the sink and sometimes if I want all-natural toothpaste when I'm going to bed I just reach in the shower get the all-natural

toothpaste instead of the crest. Yes! Because the other way around it wouldn't make much sense wouldn't. No it wouldn't because you'd be all wet. Fuck yeah dude! This is the kind of shit I'm living large with. Alright? So I got the jet black toothbrushes. I got one that goes on the sink and one that goes in the shower. Now, I say to her, hey guess what sweetie? Our problems are solved. She says what? And I said yeah, because I got jet black toothbrushes. Now, you'll absolutely know that these jet black toothbrushes are not yours, right? Because sometimes I have an orange one and you have a light blue one and then it switches, right? Maybe we have to get new

toothbrushes and maybe I'll get a purple one and then you'll get like a dark blue one and you're like, wait who had the orange one and the light blue and then was the purple one mine? But now you don't have to do that anymore what the fuck i got two jet black ones whatever color toothbrush there is it's yours black is the absence of color or whatever right so i got two of them if you ever see these toothbrushes dude awesome One thing you know is they're not yours. So smooth friggin' sailing with the two jet black toothbrushes. I go to the shower, I sometimes use natural toothpaste, put the black toothbrush back, sometimes when I go to bed, I go like this, I get the other jet black toothbrush I look at this crest I go you know what man maybe use the crust tonight or I go like this you know what I'm gonna actually go get

the all-natural toothbrush in the in the in the shower I go put in the shower I leave it in the shower and come back out boom bro he's a living large, so I Gotta go on a trip. That's fine. That's fine, dude. I Take the black toothbrush from the shower I Put it in my Dopp kit. I take it to Canada and I use it, dude. Okay? This may not be interesting to you guys, but it is.

You just don't realize it. And also, it's very interesting to me and this is my podcast. Okay? I go, I brush my teeth in Toronto, I brush my teeth in Sudbury, I brush my teeth in North Bay, I come back to it.

Okay. Great. I brush my teeth in Sudbury. I brush my teeth in North Bay. I come back to it Okay Great. I come back Kristen has a friend spend the night the night before I get back. All good, dude. Have a slum be I'm gone. Have a slum be I love that. It's cute Right. You both sleep in the same bed. You have a slum be right right? You both talk callow, you have a slumby, it's great, all right? Her friend, I land, I get home, her friend leaves, time to go to bed, okay, great, cool, all good. Knocked my magic mind over, all good.

So I go, I'm tired, I'm jet-lagged, I'm a motherfucker. I walk up to the bed, we got two sinks, okay? We got, which is another thing that I go, I'm tired, I'm jet-lagged and a motherfucker. I walk up to the bed, we got two sinks, okay? We got, which is another thing that I said, sweetie, sometimes you use my sink, we got two sinks, you know, we got a great bathroom, I'm a success story, we got two sinks, use yours, I'll use mine, yes dude. And so finally when we got the new house, I was like, you gotta use your own sink,

and she's like, okay. Ha ha ha ha, dude. So I got it all okay dude so I got it all set up I got the toothbrush I got the toothbrush and the sink I'm set oh shit dude hey what the fuck when I walked in the bathroom my jet black toothbrush that I left at home is on the other sink now Now, hey, hold on a second, dude. I didn't do that. You ever, you're in a relationship, you know,

and you just go and something happens and you go, ah, shit, this is gonna be a fight. And there's nothing I can do to get out of it, okay? So I say, oh fuck, somebody moved my toothbrush. So I want to go, oh, Kristen moved my toothbrush. So I want to go, oh Kristen used my toothbrush, so I'm gonna march downstairs I'm gonna say, Kristen I told you not to use my toothbrush. That's wrong and I know it is because I've done therapy. Don't do accusations. Ask more simple questions that are the facts. So I go downstairs and I say, hey sweetie uh, sweetie, how, do you know

how come, how come my toothbrush is over on the other sink? And I hear myself saying it and I'm like, well, I'm fucked, dude. I said, how'd it wind up there? And she said, well, I don't know. Blood level rising, because dude, yeah you do. But let's say she doesn't. So I say, oh really, did you not use it? And she says, no, I don't use your jet black toothbrush. And I say, oh, huh. And in my head I'm like, somebody use it.

And I say, oh shit. I said, did your friend use it last night? And she said, I doubt it, that'd be crazy. And I said, yeah, but it's on the other side of the sink. So how did it get on the other side of the sink? And she goes, I don't know. Are you accusing me of it? And I'm like, no.

But it is on the other side. Ha ha! I'd like to know how it got there, because it's my toothbrush. And she said, who cares if somebody uses your toothbrush? I'd like to know how it got there because it's my toothbrush." And she said, who cares if somebody used your toothbrush? And I said, oh, you're disgusting. That goes inside me.

I don't want it inside someone else. You, that's one thing. Anyone else? Son other. Okay? Inside someone else you that's one thing anyone else son other Okay, so I Didn't win that and it wasn't a win-or-lose thing, but it was like Charges of the game the toothbrush is fucking dead to me now. I only have the one toothbrush, it's jet black, and now the other one she's probably going to use

and now I'm like not going to know which jet black one is mine, which jet black one is hers. Yo I'm so fucked with this. You know it's like the little things that bother me right? And the big things. Hey. Hey, I need more, I need another toothbrush, that's what I need. All right, whatever, dude. I, you know, I just, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, thank you for letting me vent here. That's the end of the episode. If you want to go to the, get a Patreon, go patreon.com slash Chris D'Alea. That's how you wind up with the Patreon episodes.

There's like so many of them log back, backlogged. Go check them out now if you wind up with the Patreon episodes. There's like so many of them back logged. Go check them out now if you sign up. And you're also a producer for the show. It helps the show. We appreciate you. Thank you very friggin' much. I'm gonna fucking fuck you up.