Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 425. The Gross Episode

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week was Trump's inauguration. Chris discusses Zuck, Chappelle, Kid Rock hitting on reporters, apples in New Zealand, and that gesture Musk made. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Playoff football is here with BetMGM, and as an official sportsbook partner of the NFL, BetMGM is the best place to fuel your football phantom on every game day with a variety of exciting features.

BetMGM offers you plenty of seamless ways to jump straight onto the gridiron and to embrace peak sports action. Visit betmgm.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older, Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario Healthline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.

RUNK! Hello and welcome to the podcast. and Stockton, California this weekend, Tacoma, Washington, Spokane, Washington, and, uh, Puri, Illinois and Dubuque, Iowa. These are coming up. These are shows that are coming up. Oh yeah. I just put on sale Apple, Wisconsin, Appleton, Wisconsin, uh, March 2nd, and then Ontario, California, March 6th.

And then among others, La La La, like Denver and Portland and just go look, christalia.com, we love it. It is, right now it's January, it's almost February here. So Valentine's Day is coming up, which means gotta take out the significant other, that's what you gotta do. I was thinking about this because it's a little, I don't want to say annoying,

because it's not annoying because it's beautiful. But I have Christmas, okay? And then I have, after that, I have the day, or the day Kristen and I met on January something, right? I'm saying, and something, I know what it is, I just don't want you weirdos to know it. Okay. Been knowing each other for a bunch of years.

Then, then after that, I have Kristen's birthday, okay? All right, so it's all good. And then after that, all right, then there is Valentine's Day. So here's what it is. A vortex of I care about you, right? I've got to care really hard from December, I'd say before December 25th, December 24th

to February 15th, period, period. I've got to be connected, I've got to be lovely, I've got to be nice, and I've got to be connected. I've got to be lovely. I've got to be nice. And I've got to be shelling out some sort of, you know, they say it's not about money, but, and it's not, but also it's a little bit about money. That's a really good way for a guy. Guys have figured out that that's a really good way

to show a woman how you care about them. It's to just be like, all right, well, here's just some of my money. Yeah. You know, or I'll just trade some of my money for something you want. And then here you have that. And then that's how much I care about you. Isn't that great?

And then women are just like, yeah, it's great. But like, you know, let's connect. And you're like, oh, okay. Yes, I connect with you. No, it's more than that. Oh, okay. I wish it was about like the Avatar where they just take their tail and stick it into your, whatever the, they stick it into their backside there. I don't know what it is, but then they connect. I just like, why did God make it so hard? Why did God make men and women so different? What God should have done is give us an apparatus to stick inside, and I know he did, but we want that for different

reasons. Men want that, well women want that is that bad? Is that what you're, no? And so come on God, we both, why can't we just make it so the Berber is the connection, but it's not. I was in Covina this past weekend and I just go like this, hey, they laugh factors like you want to do shows? And I say, yeah, sure. For the weekend. And they say, yeah, okay, cool.

Didn't know until the week before that it was Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, too many shows. Whoopsie. Okay. Four days of shows, whoopsie. Covina is an hour away without traffic, had to go Thursday and Friday, which means extreme traffic, whoopsie. Took two and a half hours to go Thursday and Friday, which means extreme traffic.

Whoopsie. Took two and a half hours to go those days. Whoopsie. On Saturday took an hour and a half. Whoopsie. And on Sunday took an hour and six minutes. Whoopsie. Now that's entirely too much driving, but what I set out to do instead of, instead of like be like, oh man, gotta go to work, which I love my job. I love it. I love it. It's who I am. You know, it really is and I will tell you this much I am better at what I do now than I ever was because well because of a myriad of reasons, but I truly feel Talk about connected to neck connected to

Being able to talk about the things I want to talk about in a funny way. Okay. On stage. And if you like it, great. If you don't get the freak on it. And, uh, I, so I was like, I'm going to do, cause I'm doing a comedy club, you know, you should do theaters. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to do, I'm going to work material.

And I made myself work material and a yes, I got it, dude. I got some bits. I got some bits. And that just makes me really happy, man. And let me just talk about, you know, I just, you know, this is just the pre-prelude really to the podcast. But it's just, it's just great. And I'm happy, you know, because it's like a lot of times, man, I've been in a rut before, and I'm happy, you know, because it's like a lot of times, man, I've been in a rut before, you know, I don't want to be like, not like writer's block or anything, but just like, you know, you're on autopilot a lot of times for, for, for your job. I'm sure a lot of you guys do it, right.

And it's just great. Uh, now, so there you go. So if you come see me, uh, that's what's going on. Um, I drank piss. Phys Um, I drank piss physically. I drank piss. So did that never did it before. My life drank piss. I do this thing where if I'm driving for too long, I get pissed. There you go. Why do I get pissed?

Cause I don't want to drive that long. Number one, number two is I'm going to have to go potty number three. And number two B is I don't want to have to pull over to go to the bed, just to do a measly thing. Like go to the bathroom, you know, that really I don't like that. So what I decide to do is bring a whole bunch of bottles of water in the car. And I drink, I, I drink them. So I take a bunch of bottles of water.

I'm sorry. I had to stop to turn the air or the washing machine off. It's right behind me. It's annoying. Um, uh, I, I took the, I take the bottles of water. Okay. And I bring them to the, to the, to, it's annoying. I take the bottles of water, okay? And I bring them to the car.

And then what I do is I drink the bottles of water because I like this to hydrate it, all right? Because it's really important. And by the way, dude, I drink two, like, I don't, you know how they, if you, here, Google right now, look. If I Google right now, Google, control N, extra page here. How much water should you drink in a day? Here it is, okay.

Now let's go to that. Now let's make sure to, ha ha, why is it not? Oh, there we go. Okay, so if you're 40, I mean, look at this. This is just, you know, it's like, if you're 14 to 18, you drink, uh, eight to 11 cups. Who's paying attention to this shit? Look, uh, men, 19 and older, uh, 13 cups. What is that? Dude, you know, just tell me, is that a workout? How many workout, uh, canteens or whatever the fuck you call them. How many of those, how many, um,

Arrowhead bottles of water, right? Or, uh, you know, what do you drink? Dasani is terrible, but what's a cup? And just a cup that you have? Ah, cups are different sizes. And don't give me the, Oh, cup is a cup. That's a unit of measurement. Okay. But we don't, what are we fucking scientists? We don't know that. So I guess, so here it says, so 13 cups for men, nine cups for women. I guess they got more water in them anyway. Maybe it's their titties.

Um, so they store it maybe like a camel or something, not to be disrespectful, but they have humps, you know, and maybe that's got water in them. Uh, pregnant women, 10 cups. So just pretty much one more cup. They don't need to write this, you know, Hey dude, one more cup. If you got a baby in you, Like don't even bother doing this. Breastfeeding women 13 cups, so that's when it bumps up four extra cups, okay?

Fine, all right? I drink water all the time that I can think about it. It's too much. I'm drinking it when I don't wanna drink it because I just think it's good to drink. And I'm still dry all the time. Yay, dude! The fucking knuckles on my hand look like uh burlap okay? I mean i'm at the age now i'm 44 where my knuckles just go you know what

hey we're gonna be dry from now on. Hey you remember you know how certain parts of your lip are dry all the time when we get too dry? Now check it out. Your knuckles and anus. Now check it out. Hey, you thought fissures were bad when you used to get them in your early thirties? Well, check this out. Dry anus. It's like, so what do you do?

You just keep drinking water. They're like, Oh, what is the best thing for you? What is the best thing for you? You know, and it's like nah, give me fucking medicine Let me take a fuck a pill so I don't just so you know You just like sitting around and it's so dry that you hear your anus go and people like is that a that a fart? Nope, just cracked, too dry. Anus is too dry. Thanks very much, man. Give me a bottle of water. How many cups you drinking? I don't know

what's a cup. Sorry, my anus. Fart? Nope, cracked. Ah, it's my knuckles. That one's my knuckles. Ah, just cracking. Just over here cracking. But do you drink a lot of water? Yeah, it's no fair though. Life makes it so it's not fair. You just keep drinking water, you keep cracking.

All good. What was that? Your anus? Anus, it was my anus. It wasn't, um, wasn't farting. You'll know, trust me, you'll know a fart when it happens. I, uh, kill it on the text messages, dude. I really do.

I really kill it with my friends. Uh, and I will get back to the, the, the story of the water, but Kill it on the text messages dude. I really do. I really kill it with my friends and I will get back to the the story of the water, but I Got you know what dude. You know I'm gonna do I'm just gonna play it for you. This is so gangster I'm the man for this and I mean it and I don't give a shit Here we go. This is uh, this is the the I Text to friends That is fun. They're not even really This is the, I text two friends. That is, they're not even really friends together. Sometimes I just put people in a group chat

just to see what the fuck's up. I don't care. I'll keep the group chat too. Hey, you know what? Now you know each other. Now you have to deal with each other and I'll keep going. I don't care. Dude, I, I, I think I'm a sociopath in this way.

Like I just don't, like I was doing therapy earlier today and I just go, I gotta get out of this, man. That's just, what is, what is, what are, what is anyone talking about? That's just me. All right. So Friday, January 10th, I send this to the two of them. There are two guys that don't really, they know each other because of me, you know?

We've been on the road together. One is David Sullivan, he's a friend, been a friend forever, and one is my camera guy who comes with me, Sam, and he's great, okay? That they know each other because of me. Cause we're going nowhere. So Friday, January 10th, here's what I sent to him. Okay. Uh, that's Friday, January 10th at 1129 PM.

Okay. Sam then the next morning at nine 12 says, didn't like waking up to a fart. And then David 20 minutes later writes, nope, never. Okay. Two days pass Sunday, January 12th, 9 24. Okay. 924. And then, uh, that is 924. 927. Go fuck yourself, right? All right. Okay. Then, uh,

nothing for three days. They don't even respond. So I'm like, not cool, dude. We're, we're in this together and we're group chat. Okay. Wednesday, January 15th, 1106 PM. This is always while I'm watching Dexter, by the way. Dexter, by the way, 20 minutes later, then, uh, and then six AM the next day, David Suther, David Sullivan says absolutely not. No to all this. Zero yeses. And then Sam writes 20 minutes later, Oh wow, this is not at all acceptable. Here's what I don't like, man. You guys are responding. Um, when, when you're talking, no. Respond when the conversation starts, which is me. Then again at Wednesday, 7.19 p.m.

A whole other day goes by, nothing. Then Thursday at 11 PM. I just write no worries. Exclamation point. All right. Still nothing dude. All right. Then Saturday, 8 53 AM Sam writes gladiator 2 might be one of the worst films out there.

Holy hell. And then Saturday at 11 23 a.m. I respond with. He's in the car. And then, let's see, two days later, which is today, at 340. Hell yeah, dude. And then Sam writes right after negative. And then David Sullivan sends me a picture of Quentin Tarantino, says, trying to chill with my new buddy because Cause he's at Sundance. Bro. I just like, come on man.

You know, nothing matters, dude. The old me probably wouldn't even put that on the internet, but I'm so real. It's like, it's, you know, my wife used to be like, it's hot when you do that because I did what I wanted. She fucking hates it now. Hey chicks, you know, decide what you like first, then go for it. You know what I'm talking about? This fucking rug.

You know what I'm talking about? Hey chicks rug. You know what I'm talking about? Hey chicks, decide what you like first, then go for it. Yes, but you don't, right? You change, and then you try to change the guy. Hey, yes, dude, all good. I don't even mean that that's what I'm, that's what's going, that I'm going through. I'm just saying, you know, that I can change him is real

and you can't't cause you know, it's gonna, you know, what the fuck dude, you already, you know how hard it is to change. You're already you for like 25 years and then someone comes along and it's like, I love you, but let's work on some stuff. And you're like, uh, but I've been me for 25 years. You know, guys are in jail for less time and get out and kill themselves. Huh? You used to something and you want me to stop, you know what I mean?

Do when you know what I'm saying? Me. But I like to get coffee every day. Stop, you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm saying? Me? But I like to get coffee every day. Oh, I love it. A relationship with a guy and a girl will be like, I love that you get coffee. Oh yeah, I love that about you, you're independent. That could be turning into one day,

wait, wait, go, go, always so, you're like, always go with coffee, you know, it's from jump, this is what was going on. Yeah, but, no, I know, it's just, ah, figure out what you want and then go for it. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. So it's all good though, you know, it's all good because it's just the human race. You got to just keep going, keep splurting, keep producing and grow up.

And it's so hard to change. But anyway, I bring bottles of water because my anus and knuckles, and it's a two and a half hour drive. alcohols and it's a two and a half hour drive. And I go and I start drinking the water and I don't want to. And I don't listen to anything on the way when I drive. I don't, I do not. I don't listen to music.

I don't listen to podcasts, period. Uh, so I'm driving, drinking water, waiting to get there, you know? Uh, and then I go, Oh, I got a pee, but now I'm pissed. Cause it's already taken too long. I don't want to get out. I don't want to get off the freeway. That takes 15 minutes and get back on. It takes 15 minutes, you know, you know, shit takes a long time. You know what I'm talking about?

And I don't like what people pretend like it doesn't. I don't like that. I don't like when people say it's going to take five minutes and you know, Hey, you know what takes five minutes? Fucking nothing. Everything takes at least seven to eight minutes and don't even get star don't even get me started with. Oh yeah, but drive somewhere.

Then we're talking at least 12 minutes one way. Right. My parents just run down to the thing and get milk. It'll take five minutes. Nothing takes five minutes, nothing. And you want to get a car involved. 12 minutes one way. That's going to be a whole episode of a fucking sitcom that is gonna be back and forth,

no it's not, and then, you know, what are you gonna do, argue with them, get grounded? So, I go, I'm gonna piss in this bottle, fuck it. I drank so much water though, that my pee-pee was nice. And I kept on opening the window and pouring it out. I drank so much water though, that my pee pee was nice. And I kept on opening the window and pouring it out. Man, I'm a gross guy, huh? Why would ever God made us have all this stuff? So I'm gonna do it around.

We should eat in private too, how about that? We start eating in private, I'll do everything else in private Like so worried about my sister Marry a murder I was sick, but I'm here returning to W network and stack TV These people then who is that's what I want to know starring Kaylee Cuoco and Chrisina. The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday. This is so dangerous.

I got to get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at nine Eastern and Pacific only on W stream on stack TV. Disgusting seeing people fucking eating stuff. Anyway, um, like restaurants are cool and then you look up, right? You know what I'm talking about? You see some like 46 year old, like plumpish kind of guy just putting some pasta in his fucking tongue

and you're like, oh God damn, dude. What? This is what society is? I'm sitting next to like just some fat woman who's putting a fucking just meat in her face. You know, I, this is something that we do. Okay. Look, I'm, I digress, but so I pee in the bottle and I'm pouring them out.

And I brought, I pee like four times. This is like a whole long time. And, uh, the last one I'm like, I'm not going to pour. I'm the guy's been behind me forever. I'm like, I'm not going to do it again. He's going to know I'm pissing in the bottle and do it. And I should have owned it and just done it. But I'm like, what if I get pee on his tires and I don't want to be just.

So now I'm like, Oh, I'm just going to leave it because I'm going to be there soon. And then I go, go do the shows, come back. Uh, and, uh, piss myself. Drink the piss. I drink the piss and put it in my mouth and I go, well, that's not water. What is that? It didn't, you know what? It didn't taste that bad, honestly.

So then I told my wife and I don't know, man, it's just like people who are married for over five years. It's like, well, what? Hey, sweetie, I drank my piss. You know? I'm like, this is the gross episode, 100%. I drank my piss, you know? I'm, this is the gross episode, 100%. I'm sorry, I guess. Um, I can't believe, dude, remember we were talking about the alpha con guy?

Uh, let's look this up. We talked, this is con. Uh, So this guy was in, so AlphaCon is like a real, it's like a thing and an event. And they actually invited me to go. They wanted me to stand up there and he was like, name your price. And I was like, really?

I didn't do it because I just didn't, because I didn't want to go, you know? And, uh, now I realized that this guy, uh, the bull, right? Yeah. I follow him on Instagram and I still will follow him on Instagram. But I guess he admitted to, I guess he admitted to, uh, guilt. He, he pled guilty to $20 million investment scam. I always think that this is so weird investments, like, like fraud. Half the time you look at this fraud stuff and it's like, Oh, well, yeah.

But what's where, what's the line on what, on people just be an idiot. Right. What's the line on people just being idiots, right? I understand it's not okay to be like, hey, give me this much money and you're gonna, and this is gonna happen and it doesn't, okay? But half the time you read these fucking articles and it's like, yeah. Look, most investors, according to prosecutors, entered into securities or investment contracts

of $30,000 or $40,000 for e-commerce stores purportedly operated by Alpha Influence LLC. Court documents state that neither Evans nor Alpha Influence was licensed to offer or sell securities. People just get that money. Evans required the investments for Alpha Automated Stores. God, the whole thing sounds like bullshit, you know? Alpha Automated Stores? What is it?

Between July 2019 and July 2022, he told the clients that their money would be fully recovered within 12 to 18 months. Now, dude, somebody comes to you that you don't know or that you kind of know, even worse, and they're like, Hey, um, honestly, this is always people who kind of know people and that's worse because a stranger, at least you know, the stranger knows I got nothing to lose here. I need 40 K. If you ask somebody you kind of know, you're a sociopath, right? And that's what's happening here. Hey, I have alpha automated stores. What is it? I sell securities. What is it? Yeah, you listen,

this is what you need to know. You give me money and it will be fully recovered within 12 to 18 months and then some after that 10% in monthly returns and you just go who the fuck says how do you get 20 million dollars worth of people to do that. And yes, it is sad and illegal and you shouldn't do it, but also, ah, man, the world's on fire. I know nothing about this. So people are going to be like, fucking no. I got, I don't think you should fraud people. Of course.

Look at this. This is amazing. Look, I don't think you should fraud people. Of course. Look at this. This is amazing. In one instance, the charges state Evans used 50 grand from the security scheme to put a down payment on a Lamborghini. Gonna get caught. 29 year old Evan, he was only 29? Made false or misleading statements about the success of the company.

Now, dude, let me tell you something right now. That's just a company. That is just a company. How are you doing? Oh dude, so well. I made this much. Didn't. That's a company.

I can arrest my friends because of that. If that's how it goes. How long have you been in operation and in connection with, how long you been in business? Ah, since 2018. Ah, but it was 2019. I'll go to jail. No. High-ranking Amazon staff. Uh... I don't know. I can't believe people actually do stuff to go to jail Hey You don't want to go though and I don't mean like Look, I know situations are dire for people, but I'm talking about like the white-collar crime, right? Is that what that would be? Is that what that would be?

Huh? White-collar crime? Yeah, the white-collar crime is crazy to me Like the whole who's the guy made off right? Yeah, the white collar crime is crazy to me. Like the whole who's the guy made off, right? Bro, what are you doing? How much is enough? I never... It's never enough, right?

It's never enough. What the fuck, dude? It really is never enough. Who's happy out there without really sitting and thinking about it? Tricked you. Made an addendum to it without really sitting and thinking about it. Who's happy? What?

What? Okay. Yeah, I am. If I really sit and think about it, I am happy. I love my kids. I love my wife. I love my friends. I love my wife. I love my friends. I love my house. I'm very fortunate. I have a nice car, whatever.

I get to eat, you know, all that. And then I just go, yeah, but what else? What the fuck is that? That sucks. And everyone does it. Yeah, what else? Dude, practicing gratitude, we have such a fucked up culture of practicing. Hey, everyone shut the fuck up about how grateful you are. You know why dude? Because this culture, this world, we're not grateful, man.

We're not. You ever see anybody? They're assholes. I mean we got guys like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, uh, uh, Fred Flintstone. Who's the fucking Facebook guy? It's just insane, dude. Nobody's grateful. People who practice gratitude and gratitude and talk about it, honestly, pack your bags up, get out. Not come on my house.

Stop posting the quotes. I don't know. And here's the thing, I am grateful, but I'm not gonna fucking go on Instagram and be like, I practice gratitude every day because dude, shut up me. Stocks keep going down Tesla because Elon did the fucking Hitler move or whatever

you call it. Heil Hitler. So crypto taking a shit. Look at this. Tesla stock taking a...eh. Yeah, it took a shit, wow. Nvidia took a shit. Crazy. Ah, whatever. What are you supposed to do? Put your money in what?

Put your money in stocks? Okay, fine. Put your money in stocks. But who knows about the stock market? That shit is, that could crash at any time. Put your money in land? Okay, cool. So it got land up.

Ah, it's on fire. Okay, so now nobody wants to live where it burns. Okay, whoopsie. Well, okay. So what do you do? You just need to stock. up, ah, it's on fire. Okay, so now nobody wants to live where it burns. Okay, whoopsie, well, okay. So what do you do? You just need to stock food. Wow. And blankets. Wow. And water. Wow. And you still get a dry fucking anus. Right? Your knuckles still burlap no matter how much money I have I use aqua for how many times I gotta use aqua for dude this was the this this made me

laugh so hard I I can't tell you how much, I love this. Okay. This is a, a video that I guess is old. It was on TV and this there's something, I guess it's the thing that the Joker has or, uh, no, uh, the one from Todd Phillips, the Rick can't stop laughing. Uh, uh, what's his name? We can't stop laughing What's his name working Phoenix where he just can't stop laughing whatever that condition is What is it called

All right, so this is the Danish man or something and he can't stop laughing after hip surgery Whatever it's a fake language So they're saying it's still possible to instantly become so he woke from anesthesia anesthesia two years ago since that day everything was different In 2009 he broke his hip she she says, when he tripped on the pavement. After that the fracture didn't heal properly. That's what she's saying. And then in 2010 they gave him a new hip. Modern medicine.

Yeah, absolutely. Now he's just laughing. Okay, dude. Now he's just laughing. Okay, dude. Okay. I just, so he's already laughing. Okay. They're just like, God, the guy's face. I, if you're watching the video, you got to see the guy's face.

You see, if you're not watching, watch because it's just fantastic. I want to hang out with this guy all the time. Okay. By the way, have this happened to me, please. After I turned 60 something, it appears that due to the operation, she says, do the anesthesia that he was laughing more. Is that right, sir? He just said, I'm not saying anything and just started laughing.

I'm not allowed to say anything. Actually. He said, Oh, that is so to be okay. He's laughing so hard. What do you think about this? Yeah. She's mad about everything he says. Now watch.

It gets really annoying she's saying. Laughing the whole day. When you're having a discussion. And all he does is laughing. Then it gets annoying. And he just laughs at it dude! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And all he does is laughing. Then it gets annoying. And he just laughs at it, dude! This is the key!

This is the key! Do you understand? This is the loophole! You don't see any difference? He says no. And she says no he doesn't see any difference. The only thing he does is laugh. The only thing he does is laugh, she says.

He's rocking back and forth. He said, can you bring her with you? And then really like, this is the key dude. I want this. I want this because you, you just, your, your, your face, you know, they say that thing where like, hey, if you want to smile more, pretend to smile, keep pretending, keep smiling, and it'll turn real. Bro, this guy's living the life. This is like the guy who can't stop jizzing.

You know, we talked about that guy before. Just at his grandfather's funeral. Just the dude, could you imagine having both of these conditions? Oh, killing it. Oh my God. Just dying laughing at the bank with a jizz stain, the size of your leg. Oh my God, dude. That's the key. Nobody can annoy you.

You are the annoyance. The annoyance. She says he wants to dump me, he wants to get rid of me. It's sad shit and he's laughing, dude. And then it cuts too. I think this is one of my favorite YouTube videos ever. Dude, it says, man can't stop laughing after hip surgery. That's what it is.

Dude, this dude now, it cuts to them on the same couch. They were at a table. Now it cuts to them on the same couch. And they're touching, they're close to each other touching. Okay, like next to each other. Their shoulders are touching, their elbows are touching. And he's holding a big stuffed Ernie from Burton Ernie. This is it, dude. When they say, you know, we always want more, I don't think that you,

I don't think that a guy like this needs more. I think you're like, I got my stuffed animal. I got my bitch. Ha ha ha. She's mad, but ha ha ha. Lost the job. Ha ha ha. Also, if you have the coming one.

Oh, hey, clean my pants, sweetheart. Dying laughing. Who do you have on your lap there, he says. What's his name again? I don't know, she says, because they don't know, because they're Danish, they don't know fucking Bert and Ernie. Why does he have Ernie? Or, why does he have Ernie?

Now he's laughing. One of the two, Bert or Ernie. She says, I don't know who it is. Let's just say it's Bert, he said. And then laugh, bro. I love this guy. I love this guy. He's probably dead now.

Oh, this is Annie. This is how he hit him in a coffin like this. He said, this is Ernie. This is Ernie. He just said this is Ernie. And laughed. But really? Huh? No. When Sesame Street was on TV, he was always watching it.

And when Bert and Ernie was on, he was laughing with them. So I said, you're just as stupid as those two. I like this lady. And he's laughing. I honestly, how scary is this guy being for real? Like how scary would it be being in a room with this guy past nine 30?

Oh my God, bro. Oh, a person can change his personality. Oh my god bro! Oh? A person can change his personality, or not, he said. Now here, here, are there more people that have a problem with all the laughing? My daughter is also annoyed by it. Brother. They don't visit anymore, he says. he's obviously sad and he's laughing. We don't see him anymore.

It's stupid. Dude, is he faking it? Oh yeah, bro. He figured it out. She says the laughing is stupid, right? He laughs at her face, dude. This was my, this, this is where I lost it. I turned it off and I had to stop watching it because I was like, it's too good. I want this to last. And he says, I'm perhaps the sweetest person in the whole world.

So great. What is this called? What is this called? The, the, the, what is the, uh, condition where you can't stop laughing? I feel like I kind of have that already. Pseudo-Bulbor effect. Pseudo-Bulbor effect. Okay. Let's, let's look up people who are American or, or speak English rather with it.

Pseudo-Bulbor effect. Great. Let's look up people who are American or speak English rather with it. Uh, pseudo bulbar effect. Here we go. Got it. There we go. Uh, videos. Fuck. Yeah. Unbelievable.

Uncontrollable laughing. Oh my God. Oh, it's after a stroke you can get it right. God, the best stroke, huh? That's the person talking about it. Fuck that, I don't care. I wanna see someone with it. Oh, here we go.

Why do I cry or laugh inappropriately? Oh, Oh, I have this dude. I do that. Okay. Can you briefly describe multiple sclerosis and it's multiple sclerosis? Shit with music like this, you know, Can you? Cervical and thoracic spinal cord.

In multiple sclerosis... Oh, well, this is not going to be interesting. Um, this is some shit. My wife would be like, you should watch the whole thing. And I'm like, oh yeah, but no, cause no. Hold on. What is, here we go. What is pseudo bulbar effect?

I guess that's what it's called. Pseudo-bulbar effect or PBA is a symptom associated with many underlying neurologic conditions. It's a symptom where the way you're... How do you know this much and you still have a lisp? How you'd be so smart with a tie on and a jacket and you still have a lisp? And I don't even know hate. A lisp is fine, I don't give a fuck, it's kind of cool cool Be kind of cool to have it and own it what she does, but it's like Inside which we call mood and the way you're displaying on the outside don't go hand in hand

Wow an example of this may be that you're at a work function and you start crying for no reason well, that's kind of I mean come on once a week if you're at a crying for no reason. Well, that's kind of... I mean, come on, once a week? If you're at a... That's just your job, right? Or you start laughing for no reason. Now, that happens too.

Someone farts, someone fucking falls. Or you're at something where you're supposed to be sad, such as a funeral, but instead you start laughing. Okay, I have this. I have this. Son, that is an American badass! Look at the Pacific! How rough it is! this. I have this. Yeah, dude. This is a one! Balls of steel, son! This is a child. Balls of steel!

This is a child. Look at him! He's like, I don't give a shit! We got a fire to put out! Woo, son! This is a child. Thousands of gallons of water, and he just lifts off and from the window he gets a sunset. Gonna sleep like a fucking baby.

And here comes another one! I mean, it's still going. I mean, still going. Bro, how about, how about this guy that did the, that did the, uh, lost their homes or maybe even loved ones. Okay. This guy is really trying to help. Okay.

South park. Wow. South park. That is This is about the fires. So fucking bad. Dude, how about guys who wear those sock hats indoors they gotta go I I would I would be I sometimes I think you gotta not wear even any kind of hat indoors I'm I'm like old- like 1910, like you don't wear your hat indoors,

you're gonna marry an ugly wife, you know? What are you gonna do? Your kids are gonna be crippled if you wear... You know the saying. You're gonna get pasta sauce on you on a Tuesday, you know that saying? You wear your hat indoors, you get pasta sauce all over your pants on Tuesday. They'd say dumb shit back then, you know that saying you wear your hat indoors and you get pasta sauce all over your pants on Tuesday they'd say dumb shit back then, you know and Just believe it also no hats inside but but if you're wearing a ski hat inside or you know This is the thing about the...

The thing about the internet is this stuff just keeps happening and it's going to come and go. This guy's going to be embarrassed for a day and then it's not going to matter at all anymore. You know what I'm talking about? That's just, that's it. But the song, I'll be honest, this song, if it wasn't about what it was about, it would kind of rip and it was better. That part, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

I mean, went right back into it. This is a Chris. I just bought this ad just to tell you to watch my name is John Dacre on YouTube during congratulations. What? The one was subtitles. You won't regret it. Love Anna from New Jersey.

Go to holler.baby slash Chris Lee. If you want to purchase a shout out or a mini ad on this podcast, just tell you watch. My name is John Dacre on YouTube during congratulations. Oh man. I don't want to do that. Um, Oh, this was great. This was great.

This is great. I I'm, I'm, I'm so tired of motherfuckers like this, dude. I am so tired of people like this, and more importantly, celebrities like this. I just, I can't wait until people don't say this kind of stuff anymore. Or it's out of fashion. I don't know if it ever will be, but this is Busta Rhymes in an, in,

I guess in an interview, just he's already really stewing on it. You know, he's already like, he's in it. And he's just like, I'm Buster Rhymes. Motherfuckers will listen. Right. Don't abuse that privilege. And here we go. 360 degrees is a complete circle and that equals nine.

Right. Thanks everyone. Thank you for coming in. We got Buster Rhymes. We caught up with them. Thank you. Now here we go. We're going to listen to Lil Nas X.

Dude, like this is a radio station and he's laughing. Like he figured it out. Like it's something that's like, yo motherfuckers ain't ready. Also, what's up with his voice dude? I don't remember it like that. He's laughing. Give it to him. Oh the homie dude. The friend, the enabler. Talk to him. Give it to him. Keep going. Do not stop talking. Never stop. Keep saying stuff.

That's so it's like when people come up to me and they say, dude, I'm a big fan. Never stop doing comedy. Like what was that a question? It's my job. I don't walk up to you at Barnes & Noble and be like, hey man, dude, great, great telling me where these books are. Never stop working here at Barnes & Noble. You fucking stop if you want or you don't if you don't. Even a square perfect four corners is 90 degrees.

Nothing. Each. And the time for us 360 360 equals 9 no it doesn't 360 does not equal 9 I think what he means is 3 and 6 and 0 equals 9 okay fine and then I reply so reply so the pause afterwards is the thing that drives me nuts it's the let me just sit with it so you can catch up to what I'm saying did just I'm gonna let the sink in the let my I'm gonna let that sink in. I'm gonna let that sink in ass pause. Still pausing.

Still pausing. It means completion. Made it up. What do you mean nine means completion and how can you say it? So matter of fact like that. So there's a lot of completions gonna happen this year. So it means fact like that. So there's a lot of complete chuns going to happen this year. So it means nothing dude. So there's a lot of complete chuns that's going to happen this year.

Complete chuns. That's basically what I'm saying. Yeah. Everybody needs to identify what they need to complete and complete everything this year. Okay. First of all, how is that different from any other year? Okay.

And, and the main question though, and this is why the interviewer, I hope you asked him this after this, but, or what? You know what he would have said, then it doesn't get done. So you're basically just saying live. And what was the whole nine shit? Let's listen again. They take nine planets to complete the solar system, right? Also, no, there's more. They thought that in 1985 in this solar system, there's like 6,000 planets.

Talk to them, don't stop talking. 360 degrees is a complete circle and that equals nine. Never stop talking. Dude. Give it to them. Dude, dude. He starts laughing and the other guy says, give it to him. Like they both of them figured this out before the interview and they were like, you know what you should bring up?

You know about the, you know how many splat, you know, I was just thinking of that. You know how many planets are in it? So this is nine and you know how many, uh, angles, degrees are in the square. 90 degrees, nine. That's a nine, 9 right and then a circle 360 degrees add that up 3609 say that yeah even a square perfect four corners is 90 degrees each 90 times 4 is 360 360 equals 9 the pause pause, the pause, the pause, the pause. The number nine means?

It means completion. Dude. So there's a lot of completions going to happen this year. Why can't- That's basically what I'm saying. Everybody needs to identify with what they need to complete

and complete everything. Making it. This year. Ah, dude. Yo, dude, I, why can't people say stuff like that to me, dude? Ah, come on, man. Oh yeah? I just go, oh yeah?

Wow, why, why, why? I read this thing the other day Wow, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why know, $60,000. Somebody just commented, said nothing. Nine. I've been thinking about the number nine. What comes after eight, first of all? Nine. Cat has how many lives? Right, nine. Nine, nine, nine. What is that upside down? Six, six, six, that's the devil. Nine is bad. Nine. Nine means no in German nine so what's that mean completion completion you have to complete everything this year dude this is the him honestly if him and Terrence Howard sat down they would never get up.

They would never get up. That shit is just hey man and and look he might be having fun he's laughing and shit I don't know I hope so. I'm I'm a fan of Busta Rhymes you know but like uh what's up with hold on look someone said drop, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, mobilizing. You understand? All right. Well, that's good. I, uh, you can go watch. That's it for the YouTube. If you want to go watch the rest of the episode, go to patreon.com slash Chris Leah and go to my website and see all the different, um, uh, what do you call it, uh, tour tour dates that I have chrisleah.com.

Thank you very much.