Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 427. S'incy Smiles

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris shares his thoughts on the Superbowl and Kendrick Lamar's halftime show. Plus The Rizzler, Kanye's commercial, and a violent Ed Harris. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RUNK! RUNK! RUNK! Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!

It's episode 420 something, 27 or something, I don't know dude. But it's all good. And we're I'm sold out in Tacoma this week I think, and then I'm I got Spokane. So if you want to check out Spokane, I'm sold out in Tacoma this week. And I think, and then I'm, uh, I got Spokane. So if you want to check out Spokane, uh, I think there's tickets left in Spokane.

Uh, and I'll be in Denver and, um, you know, a bunch of other places. Um, and, uh, New York, let's see, Rhode Island, Peoria, Dubuque, Appleton, Wisconsin. We did Ontario, California. We're doing Torrance, California. We just added at the end bar is a nice little place we like down there at the, uh, South Bay, Amarillo, Texas. I just learned it was Amarillo instead of Amarillo. I thought it was Amarillo because two L's together when it's Mexican or Spanish

definitely turns into a Y for some reason, except for this one. A lot of people corrected me and said, it's actually Amarillo. So I don't know what it is, but either way, it doesn't matter. D doesn't matter. I'll be at the globe news center P P a C in Amarillo or Amarillo, tech tech, Texas, and it doesn't matter. Lubbock worst name for city. Lubbock.

Anyway, I'll be all, a bunch of different places. Go to ChrisLee.com. I'm having a good time over on the thing. I'm just started, I'm really, really on my writing. Well, you know, I mean, I don't actually physically write, but I really get on my, my, I'm on my creative train, dude. Whatever, I don't, don't listen to me. train dude whatever I don't don't listen to me you know and this was kind of Kanye West had a commercial so what's up guys so never start a commercial with

so yeah write it yeah but this is how I said I would always do commercials by the way if I was ever gonna do commercials this how I said I would always do commercials, by the way. If I was ever gonna do commercials, this is how I would do it. I don't know why people aren't just kind of... I've said this before in my podcast. So, hold on. Here we go. So, what's up, guys? I spent like all the money for the commercial on these new teeth. Well, all the money is what is a Superbowl spot cost so much money, right? Oh, once again, I had to shoot it on the iPhone.

Worst sound. I mean, go to easy.com. So, uh, it costs 10 million, 8 million for 30 seconds. So that cost him $8 million. That is just unreal. I wonder if it works. I heard that, uh, well, and then you went to this website and it was just, he had one item on it and it was a t-shirt with a swastika on it. Oh, dude.

Hey, um, I heard he sold when I hear something crazy. So now it's Monday. Uh, I'm recording this Monday. Uh, I heard that it, uh, they sold $65,000 and, and, and, and, uh, Nazi t-shirts. Um, Hey, who's buying it? You know, you know, there's in, in, in, there is somebody in there buying it as a joke and they're just going to get frigging cremated. They're going to get frigging cremated walking down the street.

I remember once I bought a Scarface jacket, a jacket in, you know, that plays Oz a H H H H H S. It, you know, it's, it's kind of, I don't know if they're still in business, but it's a lot like, uh, the it's hot topic. So I went to Oz and, uh, I saw a Scarface jacket that was just so, um, which camera is the one I'm looking in this one? The smaller, uh, I, I, I went to Oz and I got the, I saw Scarface jacket and I looked at it and I actually thought, man, that jacket is, it's like, you know, one of those things that's like, and I don't mean ironic. I mean, like, you know, cause sometimes people buy stuff out of irony.

Scarface is a good movie. If you're like, if you look at them, okay, here's no, there's ways to like the movie Scarface. Okay. If you like the movie Scarface, like, oh, wow, dude. If you're watching it and you're like, oh, look what they did. This is all, oh my God.

Look what they did this. Oh my God. It's awesome. It's hilarious. Wow. They did this. Then it's a great movie if you're watching it like an armenian that's the wrong way to watch it do you know what i mean and i love armenians and i don't mean to but like armenians will watch that movie like it's a documentary it this is actually how it is don't cross me like like that like they cross him right and you're just like okay so if you're

watching it like that it's a bad movie all right it just doesn't hold up you know the take it to the limit what then go beyond the limit. So what's up guys? So there's a Scarface jacket at Oz, and I've talked about this before on this podcast, but it's hideous and not in an ironic way in a, I bought the jacket. All right. It was like, I think it was like $90.

So, you know, something, but so, uh, I got it cause no, you know, even though back then dense, I got a long time ago. And, uh, so I got it and, uh, I was like, I'll never wear this. However, one day I'm going to be confident enough to wear it out. And it took years until I realized, until I thought about it. Once again, I was like, I can wear this out and I wore it out. Yes, I'm confident enough, dude.

I'm confident enough. And that was a day, and I'll never forget that day. I forgot when it was, but you know what I mean. So, whoops. So, there's only one shirt posted on the website today. I scrolled through the first site So he said the past five days kind of his life will be studied for years. Yeah, that's the truth So he's got this like you mean, you know, it's like it's like dude

The internet just it just is like remember when people were just known for what they did in as their job It's like dude, there's doctors on TikTok now. Hey, no! If you're looking to get a you know like it's like to reduce anxiety, hey dude go to therapy. You know what the worst is therapy talk. That shit is normalized. You know what? I don't talk. That shit is normalized. You know what? I don't even like that word. How about that? It's just made it so prevalent. It's made TikTok, it's made therapy and bullshit so prevalent.

Now everyone thinks that they can diagnose other people and it's like... You know what it's like, dude? Eh, shut up! That's what it's like. One time I was doing a play. It was Greece. I played Knickie, did I killed it and uh, just fricking go Greece line and you're never gonna, Greece light and go Greece line and whatever it was. Go Greece line and you're never gonna.

And anyway, killed that shit Glendale Community Theater. And I did the... I played Kenneke and there was one guy who was one of the other smaller parts. And as I was doing rehearsals, I would come back and I'd tell my roommates that there was one line where he had to say shut up and he would go shut up and I... Dude, it made me laugh so hard because he was doing it like It was he thought This is how people in the 1950s did it and I I don't know You know, there's a whole way of talking like if you watch a movie in the 50s is black and white

They're like so how are you darling? And then she's like I'm good. Oh Whoa, wow, you better watch out for that puddle I had to like, so how are you, darling? And then she's like, I'm good. Oh, whoa. Wow, you better watch out for that puddle. Nah, that puddle's not the only thing you watch out for. You know, like that kind of, like they just were like, it's like they were almost, it's like they're about to yawn the whole time. Oh no.

Or, well, darling, I uh... I dar... Well darling, I... It just sounds like they're being lazy and shit. Yeah, I'm a little bit too cool to talk like a regular person, so why don't I just start talking like this? And keep that shit wet. Darling, come over here, I'll talk to you like this and keep it all wet.

Is it dry darling? Anyway, so he did it like and then you know when people got mad they go, hey yeah you know get out of here. Did they do that in real life? I don't know right? I wasn't alive. I asked my dad and he gave me like some shit answer. Also, he was like, you know, 12. He probably wasn't paying attention. So I... So I'm like, dude, he did it like that. Like he'd go, shut up! Like that, the whole shut up! And I came home to my roommates and I was like, bro, it's so funny.

This guy, you know, he was like, just, well, look, you know, I don't want to be racist, but he was Mexican and that's fine except for, you know, in Greece. You know, I understand, right? But like, so it doubly funny that the Mexican guy was going, shut up. Like, you know, like you know so I was like dude he goes like this shut up and it evolved you were like really I can't wait to see the play right because they were gonna come see me and it evolved and I didn't realize it was evolving to if we became an inside joke and I would

just go shut up and then and now my friends would go, Shut up! And they'd go, Shut up! And they'd just make it go so beyond, until they saw the play, and the guy just goes, Shut up! And afterwards they're like, Yo, the guy didn't even do it! That honestly made me feel really bad. So it goes to show you, man. Right? It goes to show you. So, my point is, I don't know, I don't know, I see, dude,

I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck I was talking about, but it's fine. I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, Kanye West is crazy. And then there's Justin Bieber writing stuff like, yo, Jews are amazing, stop it. And it's just like, yeah, well, you know, um, are there, let's hear, uh, let's what, let's, uh, the Superbowl. I have to talk about the Superbowl.

I don't want to, but I have to. I have to because sup chiefs. They just, so Kristen, my wife is a big Chiefs fan. God bless her. Dude, she made the house look so football-y. It was awesome, okay? It made the house so football-y and nice and decorative, and it was beautiful,

and my kids were having such a good time, and the people come over, and my friends come over, and they go like this, whoa! Oh, dude, right? We had NFL Blitz in the corner. You could play that and, uh, uh, Chiefs, you know, suck donkey balls when they played it and it's fine, but they suck donkey balls and so, uh, they lost. And then the, so what I really want to talk about is the Kendrick Lamar thing.

Okay. Kendrick Lamar. First of all, I go like this. This is how I watch a Kendrick Lamar thing. Okay. Cause I'm not, I'm like a, I'm like, I wasn't, I gotta be, I have to be honest. I didn't ever, I was never a fan of Kendrick Lamar. Okay. I just wasn't too many people were like, just on the hype. Like, Oh, I got you, you do it. Kendrick, yo, you know, he's bringing it back for the West coast. And I'm just like, I don't know.

Okay, dude, to me, it's like, he's not the game, dude. The game. It goes to park the game. And then the game went on Instagram, started showing his penis to everybody. And I'm just like, okay, it's not so gangster, right? But then they go Kendrick Lamar. And I'm like, really? A little too lyrical for me, right? A little too lyrical.

I don't want my, you know, the second the hardcore motherfuckers are like, you know, rhyming too much, I'm like, kid. uh, rhyming too much, I'm like, you kid! It's just, you know, so, and the entendres, I don't care, really. It's impressive. I don't care. It's impressive. 35. Okay?

You know, it's like, learn about entendres and then whenever you're the age, you learn about entendres, learn about entendres and then forget about entendres. You're 40. Anyway, so, you know, he's got so many entendres, it's crazy, dude. People are just like, oh, nuts, like's crazy, dude. People are just like, go nuts. Like white dudes with dockers on are just like, dude, did you hear the entendres?

Oh my God. Dudes with the pink rose shorts, you know, the pink shorts that they, the guys that they have roofies in their pockets and they're just with the blue button down and the pink shorts, they go like this when Kendrick comes on. Oh, classic! Do you hear all the... Dude, do you know about the entendres in the middle?

And then... and so he comes on this screen and Drake is... not Drake, Kendrick is you know dressed fantastic it's just cool he looks awesome and Kristen just looks at me and she's like you should get jeans like that and I'm just like yo we're not doing this we're not doing this you did you threw a great party and you know you put up styrofoam it looked like a football goal we're not doing this. I'm not getting the bootcut jeans because fucking, you know, because of entendres. Because a guy can do entendres. Now I gotta get bootcut jeans. So he's on there and he's doing it. It's great, dude. It's great. He's great. He's awesome. The

feelings I have about it. And so I'm like, the album came out. The new one came dude. It's great. He's great. He's awesome. The feelings I have about it. And so I'm like, the album came out. The new one came out. I loved it. All right. Now I'm a Kendrick Lamar fan. OK. But then I think about Drake.

And I go, Drake's awesome. OK. I go, Drake really has those hits. Right? Like, Kendrick, say what you want about how great he is you know he don't really have the the fucking he's got the blam blam blam blam that one and then with the new album, the, the, uh, squabble up, squabble up. But besides that, that, and I will say the dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

dun, that one too, right? What is it? Uh, uh, uh, not karma. What the hell is it called? Dang dang dang dang dang. Humble. Be humble. That one I'll give, yeah.

But Drake's got like hit after hit after hit. It's what's like, the fact that they asked Kendrick to even do this Super Bowl was a very Jay-Z move, obviously, right? Jay-Z was just like, yeah, actually, we're gonna get Kendrick. And they were like, and everyone else was like, who? The wall, you know, the 70 year old, you know,

white guys in NFL. Heh heh, yeah, we're gonna get Kendrick Lamar. And then they go, I don't know if you say so. So it came out and I'm like, okay, the performance was awesome. And I guess the consensus online was that people were like, this is boring. And I'm like, what? And then people were taking like a video of the crowd in the Super Bowl

and they were just like, you know, not like on their phones and not looking. And it's like, dude, he, but perform for the TV, dude. So he did. I thought it was good.. I thought was really great. Okay, I Thought I killed it honestly and then I'm like dude, but he he's calling Drake like these names and it's like Hey Drake's not that he's just a guy and and and everyone is just like yeah, dude Not that he's just a guy and and and everyone is just like yeah, dude

everyone's just like a minor and the whole 50,000 people and And what dude what's going on with this? He's at the foot NFL looking into the camera calling Drake this stuff and everyone's just like oh hell hell yeah. Oh, the entendres dude. And it's like, but Drake, he's a real guy. That sucks. That sucks for him. Right.

And nobody gives a fuck because blam blam blam blam! Right? Blam blam blam blam! Nobody gives a fuck because of the blam blam blam blam! Right? Because it's... it's dope! And then at the end you're like, yeah dude, but you know what? Uh... Ah, life is just so weird. It's just so weird. Now they're booing Taylor Swift and cheering Donald Trump and it's like, it's like, what is real life?

Why is there life? Anyway, we had a blast at the Super Bowl party. It was really fun. And that's what it is you know. What is it about anger that makes people, I guess it's because it's so relatable, that you just smile. This was an interview, first of all these fucking god, this is from the Toronto Film Festival There's like a what do you call them?

panel with Ed Harris and Hello everybody and welcome to the press conference for a history of violence and I will immediately introduce the people who are here Listen to the fucking, like, God, art is so annoying. Actor and director, Mr. Ed Harris. So Ed Harris is there and now he is naturally, now naturally he's Frank Sinatra also because he looked, because of look at his face, right? So that's fine. They are making a Frank Sinatra movie.

Uh, apparently it's starring, uh, uh, Leonardo DiCaprio. I hear that I go horse shit because Ed Harris is also Frank Sinatra. So just use Ed, Ed Harris. And I get that he's old. So you'd have to get him young, de-age him, do the same thing that Robert DeNiro did on the movie that, uh, Martin Scorsese, the last one, the Irishman, and D.H. Ed Harris because he's Frank Sinatra. And once you realize he's Frank Sinatra, once you realize he's got the same face as Frank Sinatra, you go, okay.

You go, I can't ever, I'm not going to, you know, I don't like this phrase, but I can't unsee it or whatever, you know? So Ed Harris, no. Once you get out of the way, Ed Harris is Frank Sinatra. Okay, so Ed Harris looks like, I know he's older, but like he's always looked like he would just fuck you into oblivion. You know what I mean? And I mean that in every single way. Like he would stab you in the front as a best friend for personal gain, and then also he would, when I'm talking about like lovemaking,

just fuck you into oblivion. You'd lose your mind. A woman would just, oh, I'm his now. They go like that. Right. And he gets, he pops out and he's just like, when the shark bites, you know, because he's Frank Sinatra. So he, he just basically, bites you know because he's Frank Sinatra so he just basically he looks very there's guys out there that are very

you want to know what they think about certain things you look at Ed Harris's face and you go ah that's one of those guys right i want to know what he thinks about the because you see him right you see him look at it he's he's one of those actors that when he's not saying shit you're completely enveloped he's a good actor okay now this is a panel for the movie history of violence uh and they ask him a question kind of and he wanted to add anything okay so you wanted to add anything so asking him and if You wanted to add anything? Okay, so, add, you wanted to add anything? So asking him, Ed, if he wants to add anything. Wow, I hate this rug so much, I can't even believe it.

And then Ed, just... Not particularly. And they laugh, they all laugh like little bitches, you know what I mean? Because they're just like, dude. Hollywood and art, you know? Look at him, look at him right coiling up like a like a like a Colbert. Okay, smash the table. I'd like to add that.

Now people are going, hmm. Heard himself. So drunk. Oh, threw something behind him. Threw glass behind him. What is violence? You know, that's what the movie's about. So Italian, dude. So Italian.

What is that? Did violence? Said what is that? Threw a glass behind his head. Said what is that? That's violence. And then he said, that's what the movie's about. So Italian, dude.

Ladies and gentlemen. dude just went right up to wrapping it up on this note thank you very much oh my god dude what was he so mad at dude here we go. Let's watch it again. Ed? You wanted to add anything? Not particularly. Oh yeah, you did do one. I'd like to add that. No, because... No, because... Dude, my favorite part is no, because... I'd like to add that.

No, because that's my... By... Dude... I'd like to add that no because mmm, that's my wife This is oh bitch dude, they should play this You know when they play when when actors pass and they have the in memoriam that did you play this for him? What is violence? What is it play dough? this for him. What is violence? What is it? Play-Doh. You know, it's time.

What the movies are about. How much are Ed Harris's hands? Six pounds each. On this note, thank you very much for being here. I mean, the way the guy, just ladies and gentlemen, we are going to end on this note. Ed Harris has absolutely, his brain broke. It basically, it went, and we cannot get it back. We are completely off the deep end.

That's just wild. I don't know, I don't know what was going on with him, but obviously it was involved, it involved his significant other. And there's some shit going on. And that's a hundred percent, you know, cause. Dude, could you, there's a video here of James Corden and Patrick Stewart clashing at an award show. Is there anything more, hmm, cocksucking?

Is there anything more British and Hollywood and, ah, fuck you. Dude. Okay. So it's James, isn't it? Smashed into oblivion. When the present. First of all, they're this close to each other, and that is so great. James Corden looks so mad.

He looks so mad. ...are up here, and when the recipients are receiving their awards, don't stand at the back of the stage with your hands in your pockets, looking around as though you wished you were anywhere but here. Oh, you couldn't be more wrong, sir. So British, everything is so British, dude. You couldn't be more wrong. Oh, genuinely. And if it looked like that, I'm so sorry. But when you come up and present an award...

Here we go. Has it locked and loaded? Dude, you know he's got it locked and loaded! Just f***ing get on with it. There we go! Oh! It wasn't even that good but f***ing obliterated him. Get on with it. There you go. And gave him a little bit of a pat on his behind which is so f***ed. It's assault, brother. Lock him up. And so, so Patrick Stewart... From where I was sitting, I can see your belly. Uh-huh. And that was right over there, back of the room.

These people down here, you know. Sorry, I'm waiting for the punchline, go on. No, seriously, go on. Okay. No, go on. You can see my belly and we can all see you dying right now. Let's go for it. Here we go. Dude, the fucking...

...cency... ...smiles... ...run... ...rampant here. Dude, they're just like this oh man dude this is so fucked up dude I mean that you one thing that is absolutely hysterical is how fast their fucking hearts are beating right now You know that they're just in there And honestly

Patrick Stewart almost died and So did James Corden see my belly and we can all see you dying right now. Let's go The sensey sensey one more do you want one more if you found out it's so British to go come on guys come on I have some I was Trump it and some and some tea. Relax. Turn on the IT crowd. See the Jonas Brothers cover your belly. We say if you fancy the Jonas Brothers cover your belly. What does it mean?

Um, I. Oh, and then what's her name? Zoe Zaldana? What's it mean? Get open it! Um, I... Oh, and then what's her name? Zoe Zaldana? What's her name? What's that girl's name? Zoe Zaldana. Came up...oh. I like your belly, so... Ah, ah. She didn't have to say that. That's something

woke and it made him feel worse. I wouldn't. But... But... and it made him feel worse. I wouldn't. But, but, but I, I would pay to see Sir Patrick Stewart dying on stage any day, so. And for the people that haven't seen my belly, is there anyone who hasn't got a, it's just there. Oh no, showing the belly. Fuck, this is a train wreck, dude. Okay, can we get a taxi ready, please? This is a train wreck.

The old man going home, okay. Oh, this is just, there's nothing was good about that. Two guys just being guys, right? This is the shit if you had a girlfriend, if they had girlfriends, they had girlfriends are just like no oh oh I fucking know come on guys the guy in the back just fucking eating beans and a tomato um mmm that made me so uncomfortable, wow. Oh, this is the Woman of the Year awards? That's hilarious. Ah, my God, what did it even mean, dude? That makes me feel uncomfortable Wow I Mean Patrick Stewart, hey, dude, you're above it. You're above that dude. Hey

You're above it Listen we know it's a stupid game. It's basically popping bubble wrap with a slingshot It's called bubbles ASMR and it's for iOS just get it or don't whatever I'm not your dad. Go to holler.baby slash Krystalia if you want to purchase a shout out or a mini ad on this podcast. Dude, the, the, the internet, fuck it. It sucks, right?

Cause you just get immortalized. Now the good stuff gets immortalized, but here's the deal. The bad stuff gets immortalized too. And the the like if you're insecure on a news thing, that's just gonna live forever. Or the remember the Miss Universe, such as such as the such as the Iraq, like that's forever. Okay, so that sucks. And here's the other thing though, all the good stuff, that's only good now. Like in 10, 15, 100 years, people are gonna look at the good stuff

and they're gonna be like, that stuff sucks. So basically the internet is only showing you bad stuff. Okay? It's just whatever timeline you're living in, right? Like you think, you genuinely think. Now I'm... Bro. Say what you want about Migos. That... You know, their shit sounds good, okay.

You think in a hundred years, people are gonna put on Migos on YouTube and be like, man, these guys really fucking were cutting it. Really? They're gonna be like, this shit? Was this shit? They weren't listening? This shit sucks. So basically, everything on the Internet either sucks or is gonna suck.

Right? You ever watch uh Laurel and Hardy now? Right? I don't have to say it. My dad loves it because it's nostalgic for him. But you know, oh they're trying to get a piano up the stairs. the stairs turn on anything from now right so it's like and I get it there's always gonna be purists that are like and there's gonna be that niche audience and the internet but this is why the internet shouldn't exist all right but it does and that's fine but for tonight you WS and CSS will meet in men's soccer. Last time they played, they tied one-one. Okay, so right here, it's over. This is over.

I can't state when news anchors are just like, yeah, all right, so that's what it's gonna be like. That's the weather for this evening. There we go, all right, anyway. Yeah, so you know, the weather, a lot of people that sort of trap coming in and then they're all just like, yeah, you know, it's funny because you got that little thing and everybody else.

Shut, hey, it's over. Go to the Kleenex commercial. And so this is over. UWS and CSS will meet in men's soccer. Last time they played, they tied 1-1. So hopefully they don't tie again. Over. No one likes ties. Too much comment already. Yeah, always will win. I mean, I like bow ties.

Absolutely. First of all, I like bow ties. I mean that, okay, fine. Then it can be over. Don't try it. This is the thing you lost. Relax. Lose.

Don't try to win now. Right? Sometimes you, you, you're being a sore loser basically. If you're trying to save yourself. Whoopsie! When I tell a joke and it doesn't do well, I go, I fucked that up. Gotta move on to the next one. I don't try to go back or, you know, there's no saving. You go, ah, that's an L. Let's move on. You go, ah, that's an L, let's move on.

If you dwell on it, you're, it gets worth watching. That's why you got a new one. Yeah, it's new. It looks like a birthday present and all that. Thank you so, you wanna open me? Find out what's in? Oh, I'll find out what's in, dude.

You wanna open me? You find out what's in dude you want to open you want to open me you find out what's in gay didn't mean to gay and then the other guy just is like I can we just you know it sucks because he's the one getting that question asked to and he's just like I want to get to the fucking Energizer bunny. Okay? Look what you made us deal with, you fucking asshole. First of all, you had to wear the bow tie, right? You had to be the jackass that wore the bow tie.

Let me tell you right now, anybody wearing the bow tie anywhere is a piece of shit, okay? You know, it's like, you're the guy who everyone's like, oh fuck, and the guy with the bow tie is always like, hey, sue me, I'm just being me. Dude, hey, cut it, make a long one. I don't, so you're already being the jackass. When you enter, if you are the guy with the bow tie, you better be on your best behavior. That's what I'm saying, all right?

You don't try to vamp. Unless you're getting married, you wear a bow tie, okay. It's cold and I don, okay. It's cold. I guess no comment. I guess no comment. I think it's just best we go. We'll be right back. Oh my god, the woman came in and just obliterated it.

I think it's just best we go is THE. For tonight, UWS and CSS. Dude. Bow ties. Let's hang you a new one. You look like a birthday present and all that. Thank derailed though honestly you want to open open me oh whoops the only way to get it out to be like whoops didn't mean to do didn't mean to say that I messed up let's go to the uh put a uh uh have a bagel commercial on now

but that's why comics are really good at that shit because so much bullshit happens at the show where you're like oh i guess okay i'm gonna deal with this now Hey dude, I saw... by the way, is the Rizler the guy from the... we're Costco guys. No? It's not? Who's the Rizler? He... didn't they teamed up though, right? Okay, okay, so that's how I know him. So the Rizler... But what does he do though? Nothing, right? He's just a guy that said something and now is... So I saw the Rizler is being... So as we pronounce it, internet star, he's known for the Riz face. Which is a facial expression that involves squinting his eyes, pursing his lips and stroking his chin. Okay, didn't create it, you know?

Hey. You know, guys have been doing that. Hate to break it to you, Rizler. Right? Okay. So, okay, and Riz is a slang term for charisma. We knew that. I knew that. Um... So, he's the Rizler, I guess.

He probably TikTok'd, blew him up or something. And whatever it was. Uh, and now I saw him filming a scene in a movie. And I go, Hollywood, you're desperate. Because here's the thing, by the time that movie comes out no one's gonna give a fuck about... the Rizzler is gonna be beyond puberty, okay? And he's gonna be like, could you guys just call me Christian? That's my real name. And the movie's gonna come out, the jokes gonna fall flat, okay?

These fucking streaming services, they want movies to be current and they want them to be like but you're just dating the movies. And improving with some of these people, like when I used to do movies, improving with some of these people was just horrendous. Because they'd just be like Like when I used to do movies, improving with some of these people was just horrendous. Cause they'd just be like, well, that's what happens. I came in on my razor scooter and you're like, oh my fucking fuck. Actually, that's pretty funny. A character in razor scooter now.

That'd be funny now. But, um, the Rizzler. I love it. And England skipper Andrew Strauss arrived in London proudly showing off the little urn. They'll spend four days at home before flying out for the World Cup. And Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small can be so impressive. Well, Mark, you would know about that. Thank you very much.

Weather's next to Jane Riley, but first is George Negus. I smashed him, dude! That was awesome. That had to be set up, but she fucking smashed... I mean, that was written, but that was... Wow, she killed that. Honestly, that was great, dude. ...the World Cup, and Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small can be so impressive.

Well Mark, you would know about that. Wow, she smashed it. Weather's next with Jane Riley, but first here's George Negus. Wow, wow, wow, and let's not also, you know, the guy's last name is pretty pretty suspect. It's pretty close to the n-word. Oh, he smashed it. Or she smashed it. What was that? Why can't I play it? It's like giant octopus. I believe that the earth is a...

This is the thing, and the internet should come with... It's flat, but it's hollow. And inside the hollow earth, there's like giant octopus. Wrapping. I believe that there's water above and below us, and it's giant octopus. I believe in that shit. How'd you learn about the octopus in the earth? I was on acid one day, and I thought...

Next guy. It's a giant... It I thought it next guy it it it's a giant it's it's not even saying right it's a giant octopus learn about the octopus in there if I was on acid one day and I thought about it and I was like if you watch the matrix the robots is octopus and then I realized is more water than anything how can we get in touch with the octopuses you just gotta use your third eye. Oh. And meditate. I tell everybody don't get the vaccine.

It makes it harder to talk to the octopus. Good one. Oh, so mad. Dude, I guess if he has face tattoos. By the way, man, I need to get some face tattoo. Nah, I would look terrible with a face tattoo. You need to have a real, like, good face for that, and I've got a big, weird face.

This is, don't interview that guy, huh? Hey, interview, not that guy. Oh, here's another one. See, now I got my producer sending me these. Bee Gees walk out of an interview. Do they fucking, what if they, as they walked out of the interview, they fucking did the music. Like, fuck these guys, dude.

I mean, this guy right here, uh, is that guy named Clive Anderson? It says Clive Anderson here. This guy looks like so... I mean, he looks like a guy you'd walk out of. I can't even believe it. I forgot that one. Yeah, of course. We're getting on like a storm, aren't we Clive? Yes. In fact, I might just leave.

I've never had anyone walk out before, but... Well, we are tosser pals. You're a tosser pal? So British. Oh, oh! I guess I'd better join you. Well, you can stay and just do the... Well, I'd love to, but I don't do impressions. What?

I can't get this off. Well, I'll get it off next door. I'll see you later, bye. Well, there you go. There's your other Bee Gees. Dude! What happened that made them kick out? I need close captioning to understand that. I know, dude. You're a tosser. You know what? I'm out.

You're a tosser. Dude, British people are hilarious. Oh, the host was a comedian that may have been trying a bit too hard, but he had to carry the Bee Gees for 11 minutes. Oh, God. Yeah, that's the... Oh, the host was a comedian that may have been trying a bit too hard, but he had to carry the Bee Gees for 11 minutes. Oh, God. Yeah, that's the... Oh, man. That's the thing. Musicians? Hey, um...

Uh... Like, you can't... Okay, there's interesting musicians. And then there's, uh, what the Bee Gees have to say probably. Do you know what I mean? Interviewing Tupac or you know Kendrick Lamar or who's the Nirvana guy that died? Kurt Cob right interviewing Bjork okay I guess she wore a swan dress ask her about that she wore a dress that was a swan to the Grammys once right ask her about that ask her about that but like hey like the Bee Gees Bee Gees......

... Here's the thing. Musicians are not interesting unless they're singing probably. Right? And their egos are out of control.

That's why I don't fucking like music. But like... You gotta carry the Bee Gees for 11 minutes as a comedian. You're doing the heavy lifting. So whoops if it gets out of hand a little bit, right? But also Bee Gees help out. Like, you know, I don't know. You ever see Robert De Niro get interviewed? Like, you know, I don't know. You ever see Robert De Niro get interviewed? He's just an actor. Nah, yeah, that is true. That's him as an interview and you're like, oh, oh... Give it to Tulsa Mite.

Camille, get that weekend bag packed and take a break from running around all day. You nut. April 26, Denver. Get ready to see me live and do a meet-and-greet after the show They pay for that your your maybe your significant other go to hollard out baby slash Chris Lee If you want to purchase a shot out or a mini ad on this podcast Hmm. I was in What do you call it I Had David come over David Sullivan and he slept over two nights and I made him sleep over two nights, dude. It was awesome. He goes, man, you just live so far. And I said, I'll pick you up. Now what? Say it.

Now what? If I'll pick you up, now what? All right. Picked him up, brought him over. I said, bring it back. Slept over. The next day woke up, made pancakes, hung out, went to, drove, drove with him to my show at the Laugh Factory, came back, uh, slept over again, dude. Oh, fuck yeah. Adult sleepovers are the shit. They're so great.

They should still be that way, you know, but it's not. You got your own shit. You want to wake up in your own house. I get it. I don't sleepover, you know, but you know, it's like you work so hard. You get a nice house. It's like, hey guys, come and sleepover. If five friends slept over... I would probably not like it, honestly. If two friends slept over, I would probably not like it honestly. If two friends slept over, I'd like it. But I tricked him, dude. He ate fried chicken and all that stuff. I love it. I gave him fried chicken and he fucking... This motherfucker. I have a friend,

I'm not gonna say it's him, but I have a friend that farts so quickly after he eats something that I don't understand. And he's like well just because I had cheese on it and I'm like no this is it this is how quickly it goes okay look at him putting it putting it this is my friend no names he'll he'll put the this is how how quickly the fart usually they have to gestate in the right if you eat something it gestates for a bit and then a little one's come out and then eventually if it's like, you know, something that makes you fart a lot, you know, you might rip a... right? Dude, no, this is him. The food. Look.

That's how quick I... and he says, well, it's just because it went in my mouth. Dude, it's unbelievable. I and he says well it's just cuz it went in my mouth dude it's unbelievable I don't get it and also farts that smell immediately are crazy right doesn't it take time to get up to your nose people go and you go what You do a fart and just, oh, ready? Um, I don't know. It's a violation when you smell someone's fart though, right? Because it's like that was inside of them and now you got to smell it. And now it's inside you. And that's, that's kind of messed up, dude. In a way, it's...

You know, I don't consent to your fart being inside of me, right? Hey, is my anus up against yours? Then I don't consent your fart being inside of me. What if you farted into another guy's... Wow. Alright, here we go. All right, here we go. This freaking lady go off on kids because they don't freaking get this crap. Look at this guy. If you would just get up and teach them instead of handing them a freaking packet, yo.

The kid is, first of all, this kid is in school. He is a cartoon because he's got long hair and he's hunched over and he's really thin. And that's fine, but he's super passionate. This guy probably get older and run some businesses. Okay, he'll probably be wildly successful because he's criticizing, he's thinking critically, okay? Kids in here don't learn like that.

They need to learn face to face. Bye. You're just getting mad because I'm pointing out the obvious. No, you're wasting my time. No, I'm not wasting your time. I'm telling you what you need to do. You want kids to come in your class, you want them to get excited for this,

you gotta come in here, you gotta make them excited. You want a kid to change and start doing better, you gotta touch his freaking heart. Can't expect a kid to change if all you do is just tell him. Wow. You gotta take this job serious. This is the future of this nation. And when you come in here, like you did last time,

and make a statement about, oh, this is my paycheck, indeed it is, but this is my country's future and my education. Can you go outside, please? Square biz. What's the guy saying? Square biz? He's like the only white guy in this class and you know everyone else like man, this is crazy

Because since I got here I've done nothing but read packets. So don't try and take credibility for teaching me Jack. Unbelievable, he didn't stutter once. Dude, that shit is like everyone. And I was like, damn, white people go off. That is such a white thing to do. But you know what? Gosh. That is such a white thing to do, but you know what? Ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, afterwards, I saw an old high school teacher of mine,

like a few years ago at a cafe, and I go, ah, nah, get in, go back to room 209. Be there. It's weird, it's weird, it's weird it's weird it's weird dude also like being like it's like why are you you're not dead yet dude right you see teachers and you're like oh you're still fucking around but this guy was pretty much just preaching pretty much just preaching. Um, what was the last thing he said?

Come on. Come on. Billity for teaching me Jack, nothing but read packets. So don't try and take credibility for teaching me Jack. Don't try and take credibility for teaching me jack don't try to take credibility for teaching me jack uh 48 million fucking views dude on the teacher told me quit bitch and I wasn't gonna just sit there and take if you would just get up and rapping rapping. There's a celebrity in his fucking, in Kentucky or wherever he is.

Celebrity, dude. Wow. He, that's pretty, that's pretty hardcore dude Um I just I'm in a video mood today. Sorry guys I'm not sorry though eight-year-old get caught gets caught This is great eight-year-old gets caught After they go through search history so that the dad is looking at the iPad and seeing this eight-year-old, what he looked at.

This is the most eight-year-old shit right here. Search history. Search history. So this is my eight-year-old brother. Lisa dreamed W2S diss track lyrics. Wow. How did extension die? How did Michael Jackson die? Michael. How did my judge?

Michael Kids obsessed with death. I got talked to your kid arson talk to get Ubisoft Club Ubisoft, you know There we go. Oh fortnight makes sense sauce on titties. Oh and then the link is so I'm sitting there with barbecue sauce on titties. Oh hell yeah dude. So I'm sitting there with barbecue sauce on titties. What if that was an opening line to a movie? So there I was sitting with barbecue sauce on titties. You're probably wondering how I got myself in this mess. Um, that's just fantastic.

Let's do some misconnections dude. What about this? Look at this. Cause this one's great. Heh. Uh, Mr. Painter, Santa Monica. Need another room painted with your personal paint that found its way all over me, including my face. Uh...

It's, you know what it's like, AI did it. Hey, AI, make it so it's actually kind of subtle, but make it known that if you're reading it closely it's about sex. And then they did that and you're like, oh that's actually way overboard. Drop the including my face part chat GPT. We get that the pain is jism Here's another one I'm in town for the holidays just hoping to hang out and enjoy some drinks if there are any females in the same boat Sad I'm gonna go to actually chat gpd. Where's my and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna Look at I'm going to look at create a missed connection post from Craig's list.

Make it use entendres, but have it be of a homosexual nature. of a homosexual nature. Here we go. Here we go. Oh my god. Okay, immediately. This is the title. You helped me with my zipper. Downtown gym locker room.

Okay, so it... AI knows what's up. Okay. I'm gonna use the fucking... the la... the steam room. We locked eyes in the steam room. Oh, yeah, we locked This is the body though we locked eyes in the steam room But it was in the locker room where you really lent me a hand my gym bag was overflowing

My towel was slipping and my zipper just wouldn't budge you stepped in firm grip a little tug problem solved I You stepped in, firm grip, a little tug, problem solved. I thanked you, and you just smiled, saying, sometimes you just need a little help getting things open. Wow. I swear I felt the double meaning, or maybe I just wanted to. If you felt the same spark, let's finish what we started.

Maybe over coffee or another workout? That's great. That's a literally exactly what do I write these fucking things? Like here's a real one Trying to find low mileage trans fit 53 Chevy Silverado, let me know please that it's a gay guy who didn't fuck a lot and 53. Alright so here let's see. Let's see, okay. Create the simplest misconnection post from

Craigslist. Period. Have it be post from Craig's List period. Have it be very short and sweet. And have it be about two homosexuals meeting. And that was that was a look, look, look, blue shirt coffee shop. You blue shirt, black rim glasses, the cutest smile. Me, the guy who couldn't stop staring. We both reached for the sugar at the same time. You laugh.

I froze. If you felt it too, let's try again. This again this time on purpose actually that's pretty fucking that's good I'm gay now you got to add the entendres though that's pretty good that's good dude nothing's real oh dude why don't I do this podcast with that? How about this? Create a outro or saying or salutation for Chris Delia to say on his podcast, congratulations. Okay, here we go. Chris Talia could sign off congratulations with something that matches his comedic and laid back style.

That's cool. Something catchy, slightly absurd and uniquely him. Here's an idea. Wow, so bad. Okay, well this is the end of the podcast. All right babies, stay crispy. Don't be a silly goose and remember, life rips. See you next time.

Dude, do be a silly goose. Hey, you got the silly goose part wrong. What'd I say? You're right, Chris Lee usually phrasing these more to other don't be a goose rather than a silly goose. Alright, they're just fucking so drunk over there at AI Central. Um, thank you very much, you guys. Appreciate ya.

Talk to you again soon. Thanks for watching!