Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 428. Naked In The Casket

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. Valentines Day, the new Captain America Movie, MD Foodie Boyz, terrible country music and more on this week's Congratulations. Plus Chris got a new puppy! Help us name him in the comments! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RUNK! Hey guys and welcome to Congratulations! You know, I got a new dog. I'll get to it. We got a dog here. He's very cute. He's a dachshund. Before I get into that, let me tell you about this thing here I got going on, this tour. I got Peoria coming up, Dubuque, I think those will be sold out actually, Appleton, Wisconsin,

Ontario, California, Torrance, California, Amarillo, Texas Lubbock, Texas Portland, Oregon Cranston, Rhode Island Portland, Maine and then I got you know Casper Wyoming Denver, New York Boston and Savannah Georgia and Atlanta anyway, christalia.com for tickets and I got this dog here and Look how cute he is dude. He's very cute. I like these little wiener dogs, man But let me tell you something first of all we don't have a name. So what should we name the dog, right? He's very cute he's about you know a Minute and a half old

And I don't know what to name him we don't know what to name him but I will say the story that how we got this dog first of all dude my phone just goes pew and I and I'm next to my wife and she says what's check your phone I checked my phone and there's a picture of a dog. And now I go, uh-oh, right? So what is the deal with this dog? It's very cute. And she says, what if we got that dog? And I say, well, no, right?

Cause we have three now and we had four. And when Butters passed away, it was sad. And I didn't want to have to go through that again and I have to go through it three more times with these dogs coming up here okay. Now it took her to be like well you know what then we should get a new dog and I go well okay I honestly think that's I don't know it's kind of the difference between a man and a woman right there you know it's like ah sad the dog passed that's I don't know it's kind of the difference between a man and a woman right there you know it's like ah sad the dog past that's over let's not deal with it ever again compartmentalize compartmentalize compartmentalize cry

about it at an odd time and then that's it right cry about it in the shower or something cry about it while watching you you know, uh, an emotional moment on one of Gordon Ramsey shows, right? That, that just, it'll come out in a, in a different way. But, uh, instead, uh, my wife copes by saying, Hey, what about this dog? And I, and I, and I say, probably not. Okay. The next day, Hey Chris, the, the next day Hey, Chris the Let's I set up a meeting to just go meet the dog like it's a like it's a

Like it's an accountant, you know There's no meetings to meet the dog. By the way, you don't you know when people are like, I'm gonna check out Hey check out the dog We got to bring it all that bull that they do with where they're like, bring the dog around the other dog. We'll see if they get along. They're gonna get along, okay? Or they won't and then they will.

You know what I'm saying? It's not like dogs give a crap at all really. They're just dogs and if you feed them, enough times they're gonna forget about what they hate anyway, okay? Oh, yeah, the other dog is nipping at the dog. I'm not sure they get along. Ah, here's some kibble. Oh, actually they're all good Because they're eating now Uh, so now, uh, she says I just set up a meeting because this family

uh really wants to uh this dog to go to a nice loving family and their the dog is going to meet another family on Friday so I hijacked it right. She didn't say this but this is my version of saying it and we're going to meet the dog Wednesday. Are you cool with that? Just to meet it and I say oh Man, this is one of those things where like it it doesn't matter what I say You're going okay, so I say If you want to meet it, but like I don't know I don't think we're gonna get this dog So we go we meet halfway And we meet the family this dog. So we go, we meet halfway, and we meet the family.

The dog shows up, and Kristen is like, we're just gonna keep an open mind. And to me that means you keep an open mind about not getting this dog. And to her that means we're getting the dog. Okay? And so I, and I should have an open mind. And my mind is open dude Hey, what my mind is open as shit. My mind is 7-eleven Right. I go like this. I maybe maybe I'll have some stuff in my head where I'm like, oh That's resentment and I'm gonna build it up and that'll become cancer later in my life But right now, you know on the surface, you you know, in the in the given a shit department,

my mind is Taco Bell. It's open. So, um, so the family comes and the dog is so cute, of course, because it's a dachshund. And I don't, you know, I don't even know about the dog needed a home. All right. It's not like some somebody was like you didn't buy it Did you and I'm like, well, I just needed a home. I you know, I Thus the heat can you just you know? Can we just can you we just not do that? Even though I'm telling you the answer you want to hear I want to tell you the answer you don't want to hear because I want you to be pissed off because you crossed a boundary

How about that? No, no, no. We went to a breeder's place and we said these dogs aren't good enough. Breed more, please. That's what we did. Right? Even though that isn't what we did. But so and I guess it's like a not a I didn't I don't like I'm not a these teacup dogs are like the dog hey dogs are small enough and Well, you know these white chicks that walk around like oh look at the little mini, you know Teacup it's already a small dog that they make in a smaller version of by the way There's small dogs and big dogs and medium sized dogs and get one of those Hey If a dog can fit in your purse

and you do that a lot you're an asshole okay? right? and so no reason to make dogs smaller. you don't need them on a keychain. you don't need to put them in your pocket. No reason to make dogs smaller. You don't need them on a keychain. You don't need to put them in your pocket Get get this smallest dog already Don't make a don't breed them to where they're they're all fucked up health-wise looking like quado And so so it's a apparently this dog is a like not a mini dachshund but a

I don't know some smaller version or some shit. It's mini Dachshund, but a, I don't know, some smaller version or some shit. It's a Dachshund coupe. I don't give a fuck, honestly. It's cute and it's already made. You know what I'm saying? And it needs a home. And it's got three or four really cool spots on it. And I'm just like, if it needs a home.

And then Kristen is like, so I think we have to get it. And Calvin is just like, oh my gosh. And Billy's like, and I'm like, what am I, how could you meet a dog and then be like, oh yeah, it's cute, it's so cute, yeah. Yeah, no, we're not gonna take it. Like how does that even go down? And then I'm the bad guy.

My kids are all, we can't get it? And my wife's like, oh, we don't get it? And I'm just like fucking Ebenezer Scrooge. So we got this dog and it's very cute, pissed on the couch once and we potty train. It's already like sleep train kinda, so that's great. It winds a little bit, so cute, cause Calvin was like, I wanna leak, can I have it,

can I sweep in my bed? And I was like, yeah, but what if it shits in your bed? And he was like, oh no, I don't want that. Like if Calvin woke up with shit in his bed, like he's just dating Amber Heard, he would go bonkers, right? So we put him in the crate or whatever, whatever. I was boring shit, but it's a beautiful dog.

It's great. Part of the family. Leave a comment. What does he look like? Because I don't know what to name him. We go, I say to Calvin, I said, what should we name the dog? You can name him. I mean, Calvin immediately just goes jogger.

And I'm like, that's kind of a fucking lit name dude, but then I but then You know, it's like is that really what we're gonna call the dog I like Gordon But you know Gordy but yeah, we'll see so so leave a comment give us some ideas You know, I like some people like the people names for dogs, which is cute I suggested Henry Cavill, but my family doesn't like, my son didn't even know who that is, honestly. So, yeah.

I was in Washington, dude. Washington, first of all, I was thinking about how, I was telling my friend I was in Washington and he said, oh, cool, are you going by the White House? And I was like, nah, Washington, not Washington, DC. That's it. I don't like that you have to do that. There's 50 states. You don't need to name two of them the same thing kind of.

Okay. Also, North Dakota, South Dakota, I'm not into. Make it a whole different thing. I don't care if you succeed, seceded from the thing or whatever it is you know have a whole different name. So Washington DC yeah I get it and then Washington and they're far enough apart and then it's fine whatever and Washington is beautiful because it's got the big trees and it snows and it's nice and Washington DC is a fucking swamp and so that's fine but there's a lot of politicians that are very corrupt and lobbyists and shit

Which there shouldn't even be and it's all good but um So I went to do Tacoma which is which is a fine area dude I just honestly I'm gonna be honest. I thought Tacoma just wasn't Seattle, but it's not dude It's got a little bit of a heartbeat dude it's got a little bit of a heartbeat it's got a little bit of a pulse got some coffee there living I got I had to because it was Valentine's Day oh and I did a bit about this on stage how was your Valentine's Day Valentine's Day came on a day for me that I had to make sure that I stayed home and then the next day I

had to fly out really early in the morning because there's only one connecting flight or one straight what do you call it not connecting flight straight flight what do you call it what do you call flights that non-stop yes dude so I need to go below but I can't remember the word nonstop. That's the easiest word in the language. So, I get to, we do Valentine's Day. I did a bit about this on my, I'm gonna post it probably cause I just did a off the cuff bit on my, on stage. I don't, dude, I'm doing this thing on stage where I just,

you know, I see veteran comedians do this and I'm doing it now and it's fucking awesome and it's freeing and I love it I go up and I don't I talk about whatever I think about when I first go on stage and I do that for sometimes five minutes and sometimes 20 minutes and it feels really good because sometimes I get new material out of that anyway, just talk about my Valentine's Day and We went to this place everything is always I want to know what's up with when God made ears okay sup with how restaurants just fucking root just I Let me put it this way. Hey, am I at a restaurant? I can't hear you

Okay, you know how they say background noise or ambience? Ambience noise whatever that is the the ambience sounds. Hey, that's Louder than you. Okay If I'm at a restaurant, check me out. I'm like this. What? Because what did you say? Are you a whole table across me?

And more importantly, am I on a date? And are you my wife? Then check me out. What? Because what did you say? Because you know what I hear? I hear everything else but what's directed at me. Come on God! sup with ears, sup with restaurants, figure out the levels. God, you know, I don't, dude, maybe I could hear a guy and I'm 44.

I'm not old. I'm not old. I know it's like, oh, you're hearing. It's like, I'm not old. I don't have tinnitus. Tonight is whatever the hell they call it. My dad has it. Where it's just humming in your ears. You hear those frogs? There's frogs in my house, you know, it's just like everything is I didn't think that I would be able to not hear in a restaurant and have frogs at my house when I was 44. But I am. And, you know,

yeah, I just can't hear. I just I just can't. And then, hey, oh, do you have specials? Oh, um, yeah, I just can't hear. I just, I just can't. And then, hey, oh, dude, do you have specials? Oh, oh, really? Female, uh, waitress, you have specials? Okay. What are they? Whoops. Can't hear. You know what? Let me just look at the menu and order some regular, degular, because I can't hear you. What'd you say? That's what everything sounds like in a restaurant.

And they had heart, they had, you know the fixed menus too. Which is like, go fuck yourself, right? Oh, so instead of regular ravioli that cost $40 at this beautiful restaurant, you have heart-shaped raviolis that cost $95. That's less of a ravioli, by the way. A ravioli is, you know, this, and then they're just making a divot in the top, so it's a heart. Where's that piece? And why does less that piece cost 40 more dollars?

You know, and so it's like these Hallmark motherfuckers made it. And so now we come out of pocket a little bit and in a place I can't hear I'm saying, why can't you hear shit? Oh, dude! And I've been not hearing shit. I don't want to hear about my age. When I was 20, I was on some what shit. When I was 20 I was on some what shit. I'm 22 I'm on some what shit. I've been on my what shit. So don't you know so you know

of course of course Kristen gets the, what do you call it? Heart-shaped raviolis. You know why? It's a thing. Can you hear that frog in these mics? Wow. There's a straight up frog, just like this outside of my window. Ribbit.

Hey, ribbit. Hey, ribbit. That's such an unattractive sound, if you think about it. Ribbit. Hey. Ribbit. Um... That's such an unattractive sound if you think about it. I mean, it's dope and it's calming, but like, if you're trying... Like, frogs fuck, and you... Dude, hey, frog. Female frog, you fucked somebody that goes, ribbit, you know? Um, anyway...

That's fucking weird. Nature, huh? Uh... So, she got the... Ravioli. Anyway, that's fucking weird nature, huh? So she got the Ravioli and it has a short rib in it. This is very interesting. Okay I know it doesn't sound like it but it is and I go like this. Nah, I'm getting the regular shit So I got the fucking papa to Delhi with the you know, punch and it's all good How stood Hey, oh with the pomegranate on pancetta, it's all good. Housed it. Hey, oh dude, and I got a beet salad.

Hey, I got a mozzarella beet salad. And hey, I ate that, all done. Pappara deli, housed it. All right? Hey, you didn't give me enough. Hey, you didn't give me enough. Hey, restaurants, you don't give me enough. Hey restaurants, you don't give me enough. I Want how much I want more how much you want how much did you make?

That little bitch ass plate coarsen it out Fuck off, you know, I'm talking about restaurants. I can't hear and I can't have enough eat eating. What am I doing here? And there's a fucking shitty... There's two guys and one is playing a... The drums and the other one's playing a mandolin. Oh, dude. Hey, all this is not happening at home! You got to drive to a place that has shit you don't want there. To show you love someone hey bro what you know dates

and I want to go to the Magic Castle oh yeah oh yeah it's gonna be so fun you got to dress up let's go dress up and watch magic why is watching magic something that people dress up for? It's not even real. Wear shorts. It's not happening. All this stuff that looks like it's happening, it's not even happening. Why do I have to wear a tie? So, uh, wow, that's so true. Put that on my motherfucking epitaph.

So, uh, wow, that's so true. Put that on my motherfucking epitaph. So, here lies Chris, here lies Chris, here lies Chris Leah. What's up with magic? Why do you have to get dressed up? All that shit's not even happening. And I have to wear a tie. And then I'm just down there like this. Dead in a tie and then I'm just down there like this dead in a tie I you know what why the fuck can do they even bury you in nice clothes just put me naked in the

coffin straight up and I hope I die with an erection keep it there to where the I'm laying in the coffin and they can't close it right because of the rock hard just keeping it open like a tent. Dude, bury me naked, naked in the coffin, open casket. Do you have anything, do you wanna go visit the casket because you may get some closure, you show up. Oh Jesus.

The top half is open and even still you see the tip of my bell end because it's coming up out of the bottom half. And they put makeup on it nice, you know, cause they put makeup on it to make it look not dead. And then they make, they glow up the cock too. They glow up the cock and it's just like, they make it nice and rigor mortis set in you know what I mean? aka boner you know what I'm saying, but um yeah, oh, he's got rigor mortis in the in his penis

Close the cat. Oh, we can't close the casket. It's gonna be open casket, and it's gonna be open down there, too anyway, he's in hell now, but uh And it's gonna be open down there too. Anyway, he's in hell now, but uh Naked in the casket, so you know Fuck man. Oh, that's the thing when I when I do when I do pass I guess everybody dies not everybody has died yet, but I you do have to I It sucks someone else writes your shit. I want to write my you know what I should write my shit and Here you go. This is what you say whoever knew me best do that as a matter of fact No, I want to hire fucking somebody that is famous to do it that I'm gonna set some of my money aside to have

Well, it'd be way younger than me so you know whoever the Morgan Freeman version is in 2080 uh you know whoever the distinguished black actor is that's who i want reading my shit at and you can still see his bell end even though it's just the top half of the coffin that's open because of his rigor mortis is set in aka his boner You know what I mean? Fuck yeah, dude, and then all and then it and then we and then you play boogie nights We just came we just came to party boogie nights. We don't care. We just came to party. Oh And that one fucking chumbawumba song and you just play those two songs over and over again at my funeral and we and There's no party. It's at the funeral

I get knocked down that one that fucking annoying Hi get knocked down and I get up again I get knocked down and I get up again and I get up again and I get knocked down and I get up again and I'm gonna leave see me bow Oh daddy boy that fucking chumbawumba song dude hey it's called chamba wamba what's that uh speaking of fucking speeches dude I went to see the Captain America what is it called brave new world I saw I was at the premiere yeah hey no and what, dude? I'll tell you this. OK. Captain America. I. He has got to be the.

He's got to be the most bitch superhero. You know, I'm talking about there's just nothing to him except honor. Hey, you know. I'm not about it. I'm not about it. So I already don't like it. Look Spider-Man I'm not a fan. Batman's cool cuz he's like I am vengeance. You know what I mean? He's like you know he'll break people's bones and Captain America is all like fucking holier than now and it's with his shield and Then by the way, so now he's there's the black Captain America, which is fine I'm you know, people are like I don't know if we're still in that era where people care about what race

You know, I get it if it's what do you call it? a little mermaid for some reason that rubs me the wrong way, but Captain America don't give a fuck and Because it doesn't seem like it's an agenda to me it just seemed like it's the way it happened Little Mermaid seems like an agenda to me anyway that's all agenda and agenda but but my whole point is there's this little woman in it no no no I don't actually mean midget. I mean like a small woman. See, that's the thing. You can't be too PC. I say, I gotta say little woman.

I don't mean midget. Don't say women. Don't say midget, say little woman. Oh, a little man, little person. No, well, no. Well, then what do you say if somebody's little, but not a midget? A little person, but not the,

you know what I mean, with the big head. You gotta fucking regular size head little person but not the you know what i mean with the big head you got a fucking regular size head little person that's what you say so um so now uh there's a and she's security for uh the president which is harrison ford who is the red hulk for some reason the whole thing is just so ridiculous. And there's super serum, superheroes, armor, wings that you can attach to your body and fly around, mutant power, and for some reason, the little four foot 11 woman

is kicking the shit out of everybody because she trained with Black Widow and I'm like, UPDATE IT! Give her some super serum. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha woman is kicking the shit out of everyone because she trained with Scarlett Johansson? No. So Captain America, a whole new world or whatever, a brave new world is fine. It's fine. Because you know it's fine. Because you're gonna go and it's fine. And it's for kids. And okay. Right? But when my buddy was like you should take Calvin and I was the first the second scene I was like I took Calvin dude he would either be that's the thing you would be scared or bored during this

movie because there's the the the parts where the the the person is like so boring having a conversation and then there's another the next thing is like an evil dude with a big brain that's like I'm going to take over the world and the person is like so boring having a conversation and then there's another the next thing is like an evil dude with a big brain that's like i'm going to take over the world and fuck your bitch um there should be a super you know what there should be an evil villain named bitch fucker and that's what he does dude he fucks your significant other. Male or female. He's not gay or straight.

He's just a guy and his whole purpose is to make you jealous. And fuck you from the inside out. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, and he's like a guido, you know? And he has no actual power except like he just gets it, he gets it in. Like he just like, is like, hey what's up sweetheart? And you're like, she's like, nah this guy's not a threat, trust me. But then he fucks you and then you can't do your missions because you're so jealous. Bitchfucker.

Episode. Hey, do you have episode? Did you get a... Yeah, have you ever seen the first appearance of Bitchfucker? It's in... It's actually in... The first appearance of Bitchfucker was... In the Fantastic Four original series comic, uh, lest we forget bitch fucker was he thought cause so what he did was he fucked everyone's bitch, fuck the things bitch. And then, um, the invisible woman's husband is not gay, but um So we went to the capton america premiere and it was fine, but I don't know what's up with Marvel now

It's so back it's so weird the movie the movies the marvel movies I don't know, man. I heard this song on Tik Tok and I'm an Instagram and I'm just like, what the fuck dude? Look at this. Listen to this country song. Kyle Kola Hain music now. Okay. Let me just listen to this. Hey, thank Just listen this. okay to push their agenda to we believe or burning our flag and waving their own talking trash but they don't want to go home F-S-A-M-E-R-I-C-O-N-A F-S-C-O-N-T-R-Y Listen

Ow! Just five words! Ah! Blood of Jesus, dude. Fucking American. I mean, just, you know. Ow! Ford Tuff. Dude, it would be hilarious if he couldn't, every time he sings a song like

Ford's show up. He's like, god damn it. Why you think this is happening? Dude, this is on, yo, okay. It's like, here's the deal, okay. I am a white person now I love being white hey being white is the shit and you know what people are like hey don't be proud you're white or that's racist and I go ah I'm racist then I'm proud of who I am and I don't give a fuck. OK, I don't care if that rubs you the wrong way. And then you hear something like this and you go, ah, I get it. Fuck white people. Right. And I don't even mean that.

But I'm just like, you know, this is and I'm not liberal, dude. Push me. They pushed me way to the right. OK, I am not. But, dude, hey, guys, now, I can... I don't like country music again. Yay! Yay! He did it, dude! I'm impressionable, my baby. I'm impressionable. What? Yeah. Dude, this song... I never understood the whole pronoun thing... Yeah, dude, this song, dude, dude, I'm sorry, but we, we have to stop normalizing singing to the camera. No.

Well, have I never understood the whole pronoun thing about they're trying to push their agenda on us. Captain America Tell a day goodnight for some reason I just said it Huntin' season in a fuckin' Camouflage wallet in hell My house has brown walls inside and fuckin' antlers on top of the wall And a fuckin', you you know I got a regular box TV not a flat screen

American Dude, fake beard FAKE BEARD Dude, uh, and here's the deal. I want this guy to do exactly what he wants and I love that he's doing this. I do. I love that he's doing this. But it's like somebody took a, it's AI. You know? I don't know, man. I don't know, here's another you know what let's just go let's just go on it

because here's another white white person thing fuck I don't like talking shit about whites because I am white but check it check it why can't I play it here we go there's these guys. And it won't play. And it won't play. Yes. And it won't play. Why do I have to sign into Instagram to play this?

I don't know my passwords. Come on, Instagram. There we go. There we go. Now I can do it. Or butter on the pancakes. Dude. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Now I can do it. Or butter on the pancakes. Dude, these

These kids I guess they're like They look 15 to me, I don't know. Boys. And they just Like dude, I don't want to talk shit about these kids, but What's the fucking hair That they all have now? Hey, are you...

Broccoli? Hey, kid, are you Broccoli? Is your name Broccoli? Because your hair, and I'm not talking about the kids on this thing even though I am, but your hair, it sucks. Okay, and it looks like a chia pet. So what are you doing? Cut it? All right, cut it push it back and Then don't start a podcast, you know for fuck's sake dude. Alright, so this is kid talk about pancakes

syrup or butter it says Syrup syrup. I don't really like butter. Oh, yeah butter is good with the chocolate chips, but regular I'd go syrup. I Feel like the syrup and pancake top-tier do-of The least Interesting thing that has ever existed is that I want a fucking What were those things that were popular NFT of that I want that as an NFT that's what I want dude but syrup or butter on the pan can see four kids with four microphones and nice lighting unreal dude syrup Unreal dude. Syrup syrup. I don't really like butter.

Butter is good. I don't really like butter. Hey dude, are you real? Are you a guy? Hey, guess what, dude? You like butter. You know why? Butter is in everything good. And also, everything. What? It goes air, butter. Water under that.

I don't really like butter. Pussy too. Butter, pussy, bacon, and life. Jizzing sucks. Gosh, I hate jizzing. Chocolate chips, but regular, I'd go syrup. Go, I'd go syrup. I don't like when somebody says chocolate too hey dude roll your oh chocolate whatever they're 15 I shouldn't make fun but I feel like the syrup and pancake top tier do well since he oh dude, I thought that sir at the Quebec's a tough hair Dara Dude, that's killer this honestly And and and are these kids succeeding are they making it they're on radio shows and shit Here's another clip from them

Just absolutely killing it topping on a pizza What's your favorite topping on a pizza? Not content worthy. Don't clip, certainly don't clip it. Dude, okay, so afterwards they're like, okay, so here's what we gotta do. We gotta remember when you ask what pizza you like and then we asked about butter, syrup.

Remember, my man doesn't like butter. We gotta clip those. This is a podcast called MD foodie boys with a Z. Court! And um I don't here's the thing. I I know things are getting too easy to do. Uh podcasts to do. Podcasts, they shouldn't be this easy to do. That's the, that's, that's the, when I started my podcast in 2017, people go like this, what's a podcast? And I say it's this thing I started, you know, I certainly didn't create a podcast, but like I just started doing a, you know, hot women, you'd say podcast and they thought you were speaking a different language. They go why Yes, a podcast is like you're talking and shit. What where do you get it? like it's like you go can go to Sears and pick one up and

And and pick one up and and now now it's just you can just get a microphone and talk about pizza at a round table and then put it out on fucking Spotify by the way where there's like memberships. And you can just talk about what toppings you like by. Top tier duo, dude. Butter and syrup are a top tier duo. Unreal dude. So it's too easy to make a podcast. You know like you you shouldn't be able to these kids are doing this in Maryland. You shouldn't be able to make a podcast in Maryland. There should be a place you have to go to do it. Uproot your life.

It should be harder. This way less... You know, like there's no podcast school. There's no fucking... You could just be nine and start a podcast and it can win! That's not, that God is up there like, oh we fucking, they got us with the podcast loophole. They fucked us dude. People are, no yeah, hey St. Peter, you know people are actually making money just getting a microphone and talking at their And simply was like certainly not at their house and like at their house

He's like not in maryland in maryland There's 12 year olds that do it. No Oh, jesus, how did you how did you let this happen? He's like, I didn't think it was gonna be that easy Now I have to give all these kids HIV. Fuck! I'm bringing scurvy back, dude. I don't care if they eat fruit. I'm bringing scurvy back. if they eat fruit. I'm bringing scurvy back. You motherfucking kids don't know how to act. Take it to the podcast. Go on baby. Go ahead eat fruit with it. Um, I thought only pirates got it

No now everyone Now everyone I thought yo you could only get scurvy if you were out at sea for a long time because you didn't eat enough fruit Now we're changing that shit Fucking goddamn 12 year olds with microphones Give them scurvy and HIV. Those are the two ones we're gonna give them. And polio we're bringing back. I'm bringing polio back.

I mean, dude, you know, should be harder. I'm just a, if I had to choose it'd probably be like... ...pepperoni, but I'm not a- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You don't have to choose! Also, pepperoni! You don't have to choose also Pepperoni

It's pepperoni dude Not You know Pepto-bismol like dude, you're not a ninja turtle with your fucking yo Don't matter be I'm just a regular cheese guy. I just do cheese. I don't I don't do I just do cheese I don't really like pepperoni. Oh Dude, that's coming from the dude that doesn't like butter by the way. Hey, dude What do you eat? No butter and no pepperoni. What are you fucking? This is insane?

Weird taste. Oh, dude. Oh pepperoni has a weird taste What they feed him when he was a kid only titty milk till he was 11 Or any but same thing like yeah a lot of people are big pepperoni fans I think meat lovers do have meat lovers go. I'm not a big fan of it I'm not a big fan of like the sausage in general. Hey, I've never had a meat lovers do have meat lovers go. I'm not a big fan of it I'm not a big fan of like the sausage in general. I've never had a meat lovers Dude This kid has not a meat lovers and it's like I want to say like well that's fucking crazy but also he's 11 these kids have only had pepperoni because that's what you get when you're eight dude this is on this actually on I would I'm gonna be

honest and and again I'm making fun. I'm glad these boys do this. I have to subscribe to this and download and listen. And you should too, because this is just gangster. What are their parents doing above them? You know what I mean? Cause they're in the basement right now. Right. What's your favorite topping on a pizza?

Rye. If I had to choose, it'd probably be like pepperoni, but I'm not a big, I'm just a regular cheese guy. I just do cheese. I don't do... I love that these dudes... You know what's great about these kids, for real? They are not...

They are fucking completely confident about this. Like they are not showing signs of, we're not real podcasters. These kids are talking about what they want, how they want, and they don't give a fuck. And I love that shit, dude. Honestly. Because here's the thing. If these were my kids in the basement I would be upstairs like this it's so cute they had this fucking podcast right talk about the pepperoni thing okay remember what you're gonna go down there you're gonna I don't know look I don't like the kid who doesn't like butter I don't trust him because I think he's lying because butters and everything honestly and butters and everything good and I saw him eating cinnamon rolls and you know how much fucking butter is in it? A lot. And butter's in pizza,

by the way. So it's like, I don't trust him. But when you bring up syrup and butter, I want you to say how it's a top tier duo thing. Do that. That's going to fucking break the... We'll clip it. We'll make it a fucking huge thing. We'll get millions of views. Anyway, I have to go outside in Maryland now, because we're in Maryland. Um, this is great. Oh, there's more. What defines a pizza for us? I want to be on this podcast so bad. I will fly to Maryland to do this what's a good pizza a good pizza has

to be cheese bread next cheese bread tomato sauce next and and crispy thin and crispy these fucking Mormons what are they talking about a good pizza has to be thin and crispy out You know what, dude? Saw my whole head off. I like it. I like it. It's more fluffy. Yeah, I like it to bite in and it snaps.

Yeah, not well, not like that. You like a snap to your face. I want I want to hear a crunch. Yeah, and like not a lot of flop. I like when it's like more fluffy and like the bread is just like, yeah, I'm liking like it. I like it. It's like a fluffy. The sauce is just like, yeah. I'm liking like, it's like a fluffy.

The sauce is like a little sweeter. And, or like a New York style pizza. That's what I said. You can't have too much cheese on the pizza either. So just any pizza. Yeah. What is too much cheese? You can't have too much cheese.

She's like overpowering. Kinda takes the flavor away. Oh my. That, by the way, the last guy was a guy who doesn't like butter. This guy, he just doesn't like flavor. Not overpowers it too much cheese is crazy. Uh, yeah, I'll eat the box. Wow, this is phenomenal. All right, we'll do one more. Oh, here's one about chicken, I think.

Can't wait. Run on this term, juicy meat. Oh, I saw this one, dude. You know what, I'll tell you what. I would be proud of my kids if they were doing this. If they did this clip though, if they said this one, I would go downstairs and I'd bring them up by the ear and I'd say, you're grounded.

Because this is crazy. This one's crazy. What's juicy meat? Yeah. It's like, like when you bite into it, it's like more, it's like easier to show. Is that what it is? Or is that what you say? It's like more tender.

Yeah. More tender. I guess that's the right word. I've never, I know what dry chicken is. Yeah. You had the opposite of dry chicken. You got juicy chicken. You hear me up in the fucking I can't tell oh you hear me get get up get up here get up here

I want to talk to you. You don't know what fucking juicy chicken is Getting your room getting your fucking room and give me get I'm taking the TV. You don't know what juicy chicken is What's the opposite of fucking you just said dry chicken? What's the opposite of dry chicken? Okay I don't know what juicy chicken is. What's the opposite of fucking, you just said dry chicken. What's the opposite of dry chicken? Okay. Yeah, that's what it is. That and then you say pizza's fluffy. Get in your fucking room, fluffy.

Juicy chicken, I can't. Yeah, I've just never heard somebody say, or I guess I. Dude, you haven't heard someone say it because you're nine. I mean, when you bite into this, you see here. I love, I love how the kid, you didn't catch this because I paused it or anything. He folds under no pressure when he says, when he says I've never heard of that and then immediately folds. Listen, you see me. What's

juicy meat? Yeah. It's like, like when you bite into it. It's like more it's like easier to chew. Is that what it is or is that what you need to say? It's like more tender. Yeah, more tender. I guess that's the right word. Hold on. I've never I know what dry chicken is. Yeah, you had the opposite of dry chicken. You got juicy chicken. He's right. But I can't tell. Oh, right here. Like this is juicy chicken. can't yeah i've just never heard somebody say or i guess i have oh dude fucking folded yeah i've never heard anyone say that i guess i have i have honestly i've heard a number of times um but i don't like butter i don't like butter. I don't like butter and I don't like pepperoni. So incredible. These kids, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm serious. I've really come around and I liked this podcast now. MD foodie boys.

Um, Oh dude, you know how I make fun of Vince Scully? This is literally, he's not alive anymore, but he tweeted a picture of his eye and then he died. And then he um, how did he just tweet a picture of the inside of his eye? So, but this is what he does. This is legitimately the thing that I was saying he does and then he did it. He found this clip there's only three inches difference between Butler and Davis but Davis is

rather long and lean pause is checked in at 240 so they make the move and look at him. So the battery is in the in the dugout slamming the seat with the with the bat and Vince Scully is noticing this. Get it out son. One away. Dude, two inches different and he's 240 get it out son. One away. Long fly ball get it out son long fly ball deep to center and he's out. Davis comes in and immediately takes the base hit away. There's only three inches difference between my cock and Rather long and lean and Butler at 6-1 is checked in at 240 Get it out son on the way unreal Unreal he was he was a legend. huh? That dude, Vin, Vin.

The only other Vin I know is Vin Diesel. Happy 33rd birthday to my amazing, well, her amazing husband, Ryan. You make every day brighter just by being you. So lucky to call you my best friend and love of my life. Love Katie. That's a message to Ryan and her husband and that is a holler. Go to holler.baby slash Chris D'Alia if you want to purchase a shout out or mini ad on this podcast. Thank you very much. MD foodie boys. I just, we have this dog now, you know? It pissed on the couch.

You know, it's like, we got this dog and we got the dog, we brought it home, and then Kristen was like, "'Okay, let's dry clean the cushions on the couch.'" I'm like, all right, so we took the cushions off and then the dog pissed on the fucking things and now on the actual inside of the cushions on the couch. I'm like alright so we took the cushions off and then the dog pissed on the fucking things and now on the actual inside of the cushions so now say I will say the drive from we drove from Tacoma to Spokane and there was a five-hour drive and it was dangerous because it was so slippery and and frozen

and there were signs on the thing on the i didn't know about this but on the freeway they say hey uh uh uh mandatory um mandatory chains on tires and i'm like fuck we have to have chains on tires. I don't know that I don't know about these Snow, I you know, I grew up in new jersey for for a while. We had snow days But it was never like that, you know, maybe once or twice it was like that But you just stay indoors you go. Oh, this is great. The snowballs make a snowman um But this was like they deal with it a lot obviously because it's up north and it's I mean it looked beautiful the trees were so big and

And the snow was falling and you know, I understand that you guys are used to that But for a guy like me to see that I'm like, wow, this is a sight to see now I'll I say that fully knowing also had don't care I'd rather it not be like that because it's inconvenient and slushy and I fell once. Okay? I walked through the snow and I thought the ground was a little bit higher than it was and the snow was too deep and I fell and I hyper extended my knee. Now it pisses me off and snow is deceptive but that's what happened. Okay? And I did it walking to a coffee shop and I was, you know, excited to get the coffee and then hyper extended my knee. It's all good but

snow is inconvenient. Yes, it looks pretty. Does it look that pretty? To where you got to be freezing the whole time? No. Uh-uh. You gotta go snowboarding? You want to drive to it? No. I'm chilling. Thank you very much, but I'm actually chilling in my living room. Yeah, thank you very much. Oh, want to go camping? Why? To get away from it all? No, thank you. I'm chilling in my living room because we were able to build houses and fireplaces. Thank you though! Want to go to, you know, want to unplug? No thank you because we developed plugs and outlets and we've created so much and now I'll just absolutely use it

to the nth degree. Thank you very much. Yeah, but don't you want to get back to nature? No, thank you very much yeah but don't you want to get back to nature no thank you very much there's wood in my house I don't know people love to do it yeah but you know listen to the creek download an app yeah but don't you hear that? Doesn't it? The sounds of nature. Download an app. Uh, yeah, I get it. Yeah, but you just sleep under the stars and I, dude, I've got a cock.

My coffin won't close. You understand? My shit goes brackackackackackack, not slush. Dude, you were under the stars anyway. I don't know man, maybe I'm a curmudgeon. I guess I am. You know, it is what it is though. I'm adding a bunch of dates actually. I'm gonna be busy this summer. Finally getting some South Florida dates. I know people have been bugging me for that for so long and I'm going. I'm just figuring it out my babies. I'm figuring it out. Trying to get this cult going. I haven't forgotten about the cult dude. People come up to me still and they're like dude I'm still in the cult and I go

somebody said do I get an invitation? I'm just really... they came up to me still and they're like, dude, I'm still in the cult. And I go, somebody said, do I get an invitation? I'm just really they came up to me at a Spokane. I was there. And afterwards, the meet and greet, he was like, hey, man, I just want to get that invitation for the cult. I said, hey, you want to be in the cult is your invitation. Let's go. Those four fucking podcast, empty foodie boys, they are in the cult if they want to be that's it We'll even get pizza with no pepperoni on it

Hey, no butter The worst fucking meals of all time just no butter and no meat in it Just to make that motherfucking foodie boy happy. Uh, anyway. That's what it is. Thanks for listening and sign up for my Patreon. Otherwise, I'm just going to quit. Get the Patreon dude.

It's like, you know, crystalia.com, patreon.com slash crystalia or don't I appreciate you either way, but you know, it's like letcom, patreon.com slash christalia. Or don't, I appreciate you either way. But you know, it's like, let's get me not quitting. And go to christalia.com to get tickets. Thanks, guys. Thank you.