Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 429. Tang In My Heart

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris discusses the Baldoni v Lively drama and comes to the conclusion: who cares? Plus J Horror, how to make spaghetti, and the villainous Mr. Beast. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Um, I was- I- I used to- Did I ever tell you guys about this? I used to collect call people, but it was a- it was not real collect calls. I would- I would call somebody myself and then like I would call Brian on or something, you know, he's a kid in my school, and I would just go... I would do this first, I would go... Hello, you have a collect call from... and then I'd hit a button and go boop and then I just

and I'd say crystal Leah and dude and I would do it because I first of all there's no reason why I would be making a collect call right So I would just why do you even know what collect calls are anymore? I mean they do them from prison obviously but uh, or were they used to do them at like payphones, right? Payphones, right? So like when before there were cell phones there were payphones you'd go up and you'd put a quarter in there and you make a phone call or if you'd have a quarter you can make a collect call and it would charge a person you're calling. Sdick. And so I would do that with people that I shouldn't be doing collect calls to. Like people that would be like why would Chris... but they would always accept and I would just I to be honest it was so long ago it would let's see I

was so I'm 44 and it was 34 24 so I always do math 14 so it's 30 years ago Wow and I don't even remember what I would say but I would be like hello you and sometimes I would just mess around and be like Hello, you've got a crazy collect call from and then hit the button and go boop crystal here and I would hear them on the other line be like Why does he crack on why would you be the mom, you know? and dude I Love it. Okay. I love doing those things I love pranks that shouldn't even be pranks because they're so mindless

I don't like I I talked about this with you know, my friend Skylar and I we disagree on this He loves pranks, but he'll do pranks like whoops stabbed your belly deal with it and You're like, oh, well, you still got to go to the hospital The people think pranks are like hey ran you over and put oatmeal on your eyes. Oh I have to go to the hospital and clean this oatmeal out of my eyes but um You know, I don't like pranks like that. I like pranks that

Sincerely don't matter like for instance a prank that I did Was I was? 22 I had a room two roommates. They were brother and sister and Eric and Becky and Becky had the big room with the with the bathroom in it okay and then there was another bathroom in the hallway and Eric and I had our own rooms that we would go out there you know obviously the female has her own bathroom in her own space and all that makes sense right so she when she was gone and I had to go to the bathroom number two

I would go into her toilet and I would go number two and then I would walk from there to my bathroom and wipe so and I would and I would do it knowing that she would see it and then would see it and then think oh I must have left that in there and then flush it and so I did it for a few weeks and she never said anything about it and I was like it's awesome because I know that she's going I really left it in there again? I decided one of the other guys right now. I said, why would they do it in here? Then I know there was the moment where she goes,

wait a minute, I wiped, right? And then I never heard from her though, about that. So that is so awesome that I pooped in her toilet and then left without wiping and wiped in my toilet and flushed my toilet left in her toilet did not flush. And that she saw it and then had the two crazy realizations. Oh man, I can't believe I'm pooping here. And then when that real realization hit her and I didn't wipe is just crazy, dude. I got you know, I got I had a twofer.

I did a twofer. So I did a two-fer. So that was a two-fer. But those are good pranks. Psychological warfare. You understand? I don't like pranks where people, like all the YouTube pranks. Hey, you guys deserve to get your heads sawed off. You know, people who are just like like they'll like go up to someone in

CVS and be like and like hey what's up and they'll stroke him off and you're like what the hey and then they'll go to fight and they're like oh chill it's a prank. You still made us gay? Hey you stroked me we're gay now. You changed my sexuality. Saw your head off right now I don't mean you know if if they like it better and they realize hey you know what we're both gay we start dating then okay but it's still not okay you know what I mean so I'm just you know it I just the prank thing I YouTube should stop putting pranks up that hurt people but they don't they don't give a f and dude. I'll tell you what

Mr. Beast is Gonna one day be an evil villain and everybody knows that and if you don't know that know that now I said it first Mr. Beast is going to be an evil villain you can tell by two things Okay, his name and his smile First of all, he goes by mr. beast that's a bad guy okay you know when like two people are having an argument and you're like whose side do i have to take here it's always obvious look at them okay look at them there's the person who's going crazy and then the person's not if the both go crazy okay all right but look at them. There's the person who's going crazy and then the person who's not. If the both go crazy, okay, all right. But look at MrBeast's smile and then his name is MrBeast

and he is already getting to the point where he's like, all right, you know, I mean he'll be like, hey, you can keep this Lamborghini, this two2 million Lamborghini Gallardo if you can protect it from these tanks. And you're like, what? Yep, here, you've got 24 hours. You've got 24 hours to try and block these tanks. Otherwise, he's a step away from being like, by the way, you gotta sit in the Lamborghini.

You know, and you're like, what? Oh, I'll do it. I am telling you right now. And this is no lie. No woman, no lie. Is. There will be a time where Mr. Beast kills someone. time where Mr. Beast kills someone okay and he you know he may go to jail he may not go to jail it might be a weird thing with the law where it's like oh well he is he culpable or not he did put him in an airplane and then the engine did drop out they did have parachutes but what they had to fight over him, you know? And so, you know, this is going to happen. I'm psychic. It's not even necessarily that I'm psychic.

I just know when I see someone's face and they have that smile and then their name is Mr. Beast and they often have stunts that include Lamborghini Gallardos that means that he's gonna grow up and become an evil villain and kill someone. Bye! Thanks! Nice to meet you, Mr. Beast. What's your first name? Roast? Dude, Roast Beast.

What the f- What was that, honestly, at the Grinch, when they were like, and he made a Roast Beast, it's like, what? Roast Beef? Or just, was it Dr. Seuss just high as fuck, dude. Dr. Seuss was on new drugs at the time. You know what I'm talking about? Just eating cooked shit under the dirt that like his, after his cats would

piss in it and just get, oh oh he would just put mescaline in his gums and just write me the snitches dude just fucking catnip rhymes and then just make bajillions anyway mr. beast is gonna grow up and kill someone and we all know it it's you know and everyone's talking about that new show you got to watch mr. beast it's so great hey ha not gonna and do what you're gonna do get that money that's all good you manipulated the algorithm and now he's got 65 trillion views per video no hate no hate but go ahead and try to fight your evil villainous side and it's your destiny and I know that because you're facing name you think mr. beast doesn't

sit in like a dope expensive chair and goes like this? You're out of your mind already. It's his origin story. His origin story is YouTube and the end of it is uh and he you know, I just I I don't know man. It's too much. Hey, hey It's too much. Hey, hey, okay, here it is. You get to keep this million dollars if you can keep this scorpion in your anus for nine years. That's not even a lot of money. It's, it's, that works out to be about ten grand a year. Math is wrong, but you know what I mean. Ah, it keeps stinging me. You die. Oh, he died. He died from poison of the anus because of the scorpion because of the black scorpion Wasn't so much a poison as it was also the pincers Hey

Pincers be called pinchers. That's what you do. I always thought that pincers When I was a kid, I told my dad I'm not using the word except because it should be incept. And I would just say incept instead of accept. And my dad thought I was crazy. And I am. And that is my origin story.

And I grew up to be a crazy comedian and Mr. Beast grew up to be a villain. Right. So anyway, you can watch the Mr. Beast games, life or death, whatever it is on Amazon Prime. I will be in Peoria, Illinois, Dubuque, Iowa, Appleton, Wisconsin, Ontario, Improv. I will be there at California. Torrance, California, I got Amarillo, Texas, Lubbock, Texas, Portland, Oregon. This is the tour that I got my new tour, chrisdalia.com, straight out of the multiverse. There we go. Cranston, Rhode Island, Portland, Maine, Casper, Wyoming, two shows at the Casper,

Rialto Casper, Cheyenne, Wyoming. Look at all these spots. Dude, I got a bunch of Denver, New York, Boston, Bing, Bing, Bing, Savannah, Georgia, Atlanta, Bing, Bing, Winnipeg, Regina, for some reason. Saskatoon, what is it? And then I've got Irvine, California and Huntsvilleg, Regina for some reason, Saskatoon, what is it? And then I've got Irvine, California and Huntsville, Alabama for some reason. There we go, Bing Bing Bing. And so go to chrisley.com to get, and I am on, I am firing on cylinders.

I am firing on all syllables. Dude, I, I, I am creatively so happy and that's it. And I know I'm not gonna say much about that-I-I am creatively so happy, and that's it. And I'm not gonna say much about that, but I'm just creatively so happy. And I post... Dude, I... Nothing is precious. Yes! Nothing's precious, dude. Once you realize that, you succeed!

In your mind, yes! Except I did cry the other day because my son, somebody said something, uh, about how Calvin was like, oh, he wanted to be a, somebody, he was making drinks, like fake drinks, like, because it was a bartender and he was like making silly little drinks. And then Calvin was like, I'm making, I'm making drinks. I'm a bartender.

And my wife said, Kristen said, is he gonna be a, you're gonna be a bartender to grow up? And he said, no, no, I'm gonna do comedy like dad. And I just go, said, Kristen said, is he gonna be a bartender grow up? And he said, no, no, I'm gonna do comedy like dad. And I just go, what's that fucking, oh, the perfect song for it. And so it is, or what's the other one? What's the chasing cars one from the,

what's that, snow patrol? What's that one? Nah, anyway, he said that started that started dude the crying hit me like usually you can be like I'm gonna start crying I gotta calm down this one hit me like Christian Bale at the end of the fighter when he's just sitting on the couch and Mark Wahlberg's talking and Christian Bale's like yeah you know I ah and he just starts crying you're like like, oh, he's on another level. But that's what I, so I start crying and I go, and then Calvin looks at me and he says, what's wrong?

And I'm like, oh no, water works. And so I said, well, I'm crying because I'm happy. And he says, what? I said, sometimes when you get older, you cry when you're happy. You say, no, no, no, I know what that is. sometimes when you get older you cry when you're happy you say no no no I know what that is like when I did it with the frogs and I remember the time where he was picking up frogs all emotional because he was like I love these frogs he starts crying and I'm like oh shit you and me we're the same I pulled that I said it to him he said that he's I

said to him what he said to Danny Goh when he met him you and me were the same so um what's that snow patrol song that song whatever that snow patrol song is chasing cars right sounds like a song that maybe you would make it if you were right if you had down syndrome but um it goes chasing cars right that's That's what it's called. And how's it go? Um, chasing, uh, chasing cars. That's something that they asked. They definitely asked someone with Down syndrome about the title of the thing. And I don't even mean to be a dick, but I'm not saying the R word to get

demonetized, but I am saying let's just get a little bit of it so I can get the. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, dude yeah, dude! Yo, I would be good on that video, or the game show. If I just lay here, honey, take me now That song? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it

Would you lie with me and just forget the world Being ding-ding-ding-ding dude and and that song oh Bro, I heard that song first time. I heard that song I go to your time Right Forget the world you know know? Can't. You're in it. Um... Yeah, so frick that song. Chasing Cars. What should we call it? Chasing Cars. Um... Lookit, lookit, lookit, lookit. Very moving song. This is the first... I'm crying thinking about everyone I've lost.

Wow. God, what a feeling song, you know? Anyway. Good songs. How about that? How about good songs that just get you like some barbecue sauce? You know, I'm talking about, you know, I'm talking about like some barbecue sauce you know I'm talking about you know what I'm talking about like some real tang tang for the heart tang in my heart you know I'm talking about just like that tangy heart worst fucking movie about a country music singer tangy heart tangy Heart starring the fucking guy from the movie with Reese Witherspoon, the Alabama

one. What is it called? Sweet Home Alabama. Josh Lucas. That's who it is. Fuck yeah. In Tangy Heart. This summer.

Get Tang all over your heart and in your heart. Josh Lucas. The guy from fucking The Hulk with Eric Bana, he plays the bad guy and he's really terrible in it, is Tangy Hart. He's not a good actor, he just kind of looks like Paul Newman a little bit. He doesn't really look like Paul Newman,

but he's reminiscent of Paul Newman. You don't look at, when you look at Josh Lucas, you don't think of Paul Newman, but don't look at when you look at Josh Lucas you don't think of Paul Newman but later on you'll be like hey oh oh yeah Paul Newman's a guy. Anyway Tangy Heart. Dude what if that was the preview? This March be prepared to be Tang'd all over again. Uh-oh. Country. Tangy heart. Josh Lucas. The guy from the- the- the guy from- the bad guy from the Incredible Hulk movies. Not the good ones. The fucking one with Eric Bana.

Ha ha ha ha ha! In. Tang. It's always about- whatever, fuck it. And just forget the world. That song is the same kind of song as to me, even though that one's better. No, it's not better. They're both the same kind of song. Closing time. One last call for alcohol you don't have to fucking whatever it is go home go home bitch guy stop drink all right you know i don't know how it goes but closing time one last call for when they do that at a bar, I get pissed because I go, how typical. Really? Anyway.

Remember the band, butthole surfers, dude, I think about the band named butthole surfers too much. Okay, I do. I just go like the audacity, you know, the audacity. Is that when the peak of civilization? That's probably right before they made this the name. The band butthole surfers right before they coined that term was the peak of civilization and then after that it just went rambunctious it just was like

people were like you could do anything you could do anything you make a song you make the bands named butthole surfers you could do anything that's how and then and then it went nuts and then everyone who got elected was elected because the guys were named butthole surfers because it's shaped it shaped us right let's look up butthole surfers the fucking audacity dude but what did they even sing they were on no I know what they did they did sing? They were on... no, I know what they did. They did one of the things on the um... Dumb and Dumber soundtrack. Surfers.

But dude, wow, wow. Oh dude, they still got me just together, together still! Wow, they are one tight butthole group. They're one tight group but whole servers. They have a new song Wait, is this new or is this an old one that was uploaded three months ago? Look at this a video music for dust devil by butthole surfers, dude dustdevil and butthole are in oh Beavis and butthead knew about him. Of course they did. Uh... Uh...

Oh yeah. Hey. Uh... Me now, not Butthead anymore. Uh... Hey. Justin Baldoni. Ryan Reynolds. Uh... The other woman. uh Hey Justin Baldoni Ryan Reynolds

The other woman going on Hey Blake Lively right that's her name. Hey Going on. Hey and everyone Who cares? Hey drop it? Right. Hey, hey, it's been going on too long. Right? Hey, dude, it's been three months. Hey, drop it. Hey, Candace Owen, love ya. Drop it. Dude, hey, who?

Look. Hey, Justin Bel- first of all, Justin Baldoni, you're too handsome, okay? And that's that's coming from a guy who is, you know, I'm okay. But like, I know, alright, I know Justin Baldoni. I don't know him, know him. I've met him before. I've worked with him for like a day or two. The sweetest dude, like just straight up, the sweetest dude, okay? And I don't know anything about that situation because I don't care, right? And my theory is Ryan Reynolds, who is top dog in Hollywood right got the number one movie

just so handsome met Justin Baldoin and goes oh no like every now and then you meet a guy that just fucks you up like for me it was two months ago at the Sweet Greens I saw a guy who was too hot, thought about him for too long, then saw him at the gym another while ago. And uh that is, and I just kept thinking about him because he's so tall and mixed race and good looking and it really honestly bothered me dude. I still got the miso glaze salmon bowl, sure. I went about my day, I did what I had to do, but the guy was just too hot about my day. I did what I had to do, but the guy was just too hot and it fucked me up. That's... Now, if that guy had to do a movie with my wife, I'm just gonna sit there, dude. Dude, you're gonna... I'm gonna be on set all the time and when I hear, cut from the director, you're gonna hear me from the background go like this. I mean, all right.

Cut from the director. You're gonna hear me from the background go like this. I mean, alright, I Guess she's gonna hear that's what you're gonna hear. Why did someone try to fucking send me something? Did you try to send me something? Oh AirDrop, oh, yeah Shared photo do I need to get it? Oh, don't get it decline it. Oh, you know, it's just give me his whole bank account um But yeah baldoni hey, dude, oh, I don't like dude. I don't know What I don't I actually don't even know what happened. I just know i'm hearing their names too much for not movies You know i'm talking about Hey, I want to hear your names when movies come out.

And Justin Baldoni, you're too handsome. But, uh, nice, nicest guy when I met him. Never met Blake Lively. Used to be friends with her brother, Eric. Uh, and never met Ryan Reynolds, although he seems cool. Don't pick a brother, Eric. Uh, and never met Ryan Reynolds, although he seems cool. Don't pick a side, dude. You don't have to, hey, you don't have to pick a side, you know? You don't have to pick a side, right? Isn't that great? Remember? Remember 1994?

Where you just didn't have to? People go, hey, uh, sup with politics. And you go, I don't know. And you go, oh, OK. Well, I guess that's OK if you're dumb. I don't even know if I'm dumb or not. I just don't know. Oh, OK.

Yeah. Anyway, want to get a sandwich? Yeah. OK. And you were friends. Or you just got a sandwich together and you had a fine time and then Now it's dude, hey everyone drop it Stop drop shut him down open up shop. Oh

Whoa, there's a rough riders roll then and then ain't think then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then ain't then didn't do that that was the African version. Dung daka dung daka dung daka dung daka. Um, so, uh, anyway, that's what it is. DMX was the fucking shit. Yo, the name, the album name, it's Dark and Hell is Hot, when I heard that, when I was 17, 18, I go like this, ah, fuck, man. I didn't even, like for no reason, I was just like, oh man, he took that title.

Like I was going to use it for something. My autobiography. I want to call this podcast, it was between congratulations, and it's dark and hell is hot except I couldn't because DMX did it fucking 20 years earlier Then ain't then ain't dang Dan Anyway, dude Look at this on YouTube. It says how Ryan Reynolds ruined his career and the thumb knows that the thumbnail, it says finished, dude, Hey, he's fine.

Going to do Deadpool 90. Um, uh, speaking of relationships that are obviously going to end in just flames. Okay. And I mean, I mean flames. Okay? Elon Musk and Donald Trump, dude, they're gonna, they're gonna kill each other. No, you know what's gonna happen? One of them's gonna, they're gonna get a heart attack from one. them is gonna dude They're gonna end in there. They can't remain friends. They cannot Is there two? Headstrong the two of them and I don't even mean that as a bad thing headstrongs good thing

The the two of them to get that you know what? It's like the the fucking fish that are together in the tank that are just like nah actually and just kill the other one ah nah mm-hmm or hey dude uh Donald Trump and Elon Musk in a room to get what are they in a car to you know I'm saying like imagine them in a car together without anyone else I guarantee if they were in a car together which I don't think they've ever been alone together. You know I'm talking about? No way.

There's just no way. But if they ever did, the first thing that would come out of one of their mouths would be to the other one, and this is what they'd say, pussy. And the other guy would oh yeah and then it would just be like those two fish in the the fuck are they called you know I'm talking you know I'm talking about not piranhas but hey did you know piranhas were big that's crazy piranhas are like that I thought they were like that. You'd be like, ah dude this big? I die. You know what? Hey, I see you coming. Hey, I'm already dead dude. Fuck it. You know how people

like live through stuff? No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, I'm weak. I mean I'm joking, right? But also, like you know how sometimes like you're people are in the wilderness and like a wolf attacks them and then they make it to like the campgrounds three days later nah hey the wolf got me the wolf bites me and I go oh man I'm not even dead yet and I just go okay I'm dead and I I'm thinking yeah it's all good that hurts and then I die I give it to the wolf I'm not no yeah oh yeah you think you're gonna kill me the way you want nah I'm dead already well fuck you But yeah, Donald Trump and Elon Musk are going to end in awfulness. It's a horrible relationship. And that's coming from a guy who's been in bad relationships.

Look, I know when I see it, just as cocksure as I am, that Mr. Beast is going to develop into an... Dude, you're telling me that if Mr. Beast didn't shave his head you wouldn't go, oh yeah okay I get it. Now when's Superman coming? J-Horror, dude. You know what J-Horror is? J-Horror is a movie... no, J-Horror is a movement that started with Japanese horror movies, of course, that's what, you know, J-Horror, the media term, that coined that term, and it all started pretty much with the ring, Ringu, I should say, and I rewatched Ringu the other day.

Okay. Have you guys seen Ring Goo? Okay. Have you not? Have you seen the ring? You've seen the ring? Now, I saw the ring with Naomi Watts, top notch actress and babe. She is awesome, okay? I mean, Moholyne Drive, from Moholyne Drive to the ring, to that's it actually.

But she killed it. No, she killed it in 21 grams, dude. She's so good. And is she in stuff now? Or is she just like, probably has a clothing line of frilly dresses or some shit, you know? Is she? No? Yeah, you know she is.

Like, oh, you would go on her Instagram and it would say CEO of Ever of everheart or some shit and you'd be like what the hell is that and you'd click on it It'd be like a bunch of frilly dresses in the fucking on a cliff and you'd be all pissed off anyway, um uh I uh I was I I uh, what am I gonna say about the ring? Oh, yeah, I saw the ring When it first came out now the ring. Oh yeah, I saw the ring when it first came out. Now the ring, the American version was awesome. Okay? It was great. Alright? In that first act when they open up the closet door and the body's a

little purple and goes like this. You go, oh well, pause it. I gotta change my pants. And so, I mean it it's just, it's terror, okay? And that movie scared me, dude, alright? Now, years later, I watched Ringu, which sounds like a pasta dish, alright? But it's Japanese, and I guess that means the ring. I don't know. Ringu! and I guess that means the ring I don't know or in good I watched it and to me it wasn't as good and wasn't as scary now that's blasphemous because this movie the ring started the J horror movement which by the way the J horror

movement is one of my favorite movements it's one of my favorite movements. It goes, J-horror, Black Lives Matter, Bowel. Yeah, I'm kidding. Black Lives It's dark and hell is hot. Um so I So I'm, isn't that amazing? So I'm watching When I was younger and I'm like, oh, it's not as scary And my uncle was like, well, you know, it's car, you knew it happened, but I forgot by then. Okay So just to test it out out I didn't watch ring the ring or ring go this is the kind of shit I come up with in my head bro because I feel maybe because I don't have like enough trauma I guess or things to do I look I work really fucking hard and I

and I love and I'm a present loving dad so like it's not like I don't have things to do is what I'm saying or it's not like I don't have things to do is what I'm saying or it's not like I don't have things that occupy my mind but also the minutiae occupies my mind and I was like I'll watch it in years and then I'll watch Ring Goo first. I'll forget about everything. I'll watch Ring Goo and then I'll watch Ring the Ring with Naomi Watts and then so I the other day I watched ring goo because I've been watching I've been killing it with the jump dude Asian if a movie Has Asians in it? Now here's a kicker. You know, here's the the actual

Key for me They have to speak Either you know korean, uh, uh japanese they have to speak an asian language, okay? Because i'm not watching fucking that stupid. Uh What is that Pretty funny funny pretty as pretty Asians? Happy Go Lucky Asians? What the fuck was that one? Crazy, hot Asians? Whatever the hell it was.

That movie sucked, they didn't even see it. You know what I'm saying? You could tell it sucks. You make that in an Asian language and you put a fucking ghost that isn't a, you know, apparition, it's just somebody standing there. You you remix, remix, that's what they should fucking remix movies dude. Just make remake Tommy boy but do it as a horror. Remix, remix. They do that in the beginning. But so I watched Ringu again.

And, cause I've been watching, re-watching a lot of stuff cause I like, you know, I'll go in, I'll review it on Letterboxd and shit. Hey, watch Ringu. Hey, dude, it's okay. ["It's Okay"] Dude, it's okay. It started a movement that I love, but it isn't as amazing as everyone says it is.

Fuck, dude. And it's so funny too because I've see I every time I watch a movie or a TV show it's it's it's it's actually surprised me because I feel like I haven't worked that much in Hollywood but every time I'm watching a show or a movie I'm like oh I know that person or oh I've worked with that person or oh I met that person you know I mean and Chris is like I mean I can't believe she's like I can't believe you know all these people dude we're watching Ringu and I didn't know this but I know the male lead I worked with them! Hey! And not in a Japanese movie in Army of the Dead it got I got cut out because of bullshit accusations absolutely release it to Leica! Ummm...

She said, does he even speak English? Normally they don't. And I said, I don't know. I don't remember, bro. Trying to ask me if somebody fucking speaks English. From three years ago? I don't know, man. Anyway, I watched Ringu and it's fine. Now I'm gonna watch the ring. But just before that, dude, I do the super me thing.

Okay. Now, if you listen to the podcast and if you are a true baby, if you're in this cult, if you imagine yourself sitting in the tall grass, right? Building lockups, doing chores, some people do laundry, you know, people build, you know, do all the, you know, some people cook dinner, we eat, we're found a table in the cult, you know? And you know where I'm going with this. I go, oh dude, this movie was a bonkers hit. Sequel anyone? But it's only me because everyone else went to bed. And I go, yup.

Google, what's the sequel to Ringu? Boom. Two suggestions, Ringu 2 and a movie called Spiral. And I go, huh? So then I go, Spiral. Google. Two suggestions. Spiral, that's the sequel to Ringu? And then that stupid fucking movie that was in the saw family that had Chris Rockett same with Jackson enter for some reason and I go This is so confusing So I look at spiral No, no, no, actually I go to chat GPT and I say what is the sequel to ring?

Go because I'd googled wasn't fucking with me and it said well Because I had Google wasn't fucking with me and it said well Spiral was the sequel that came out right after ring goo and everybody I mean they Ringo was such a hit spiral was considered so terrible by everyone that they just straight-up go like this psych everyone that they just straight up go like this. Psych, this is the real sequel and remade the sequel and that's Ringu too. And now that's the one that's canonized as the actual sequel to Ringu dude. That is so awesome. I do that.

I wanted I would do that. You know what dude? It's so dope to make a sequel, yo. Do over, you know what I'm talking about? They just straight up, like they were nine years old on a basketball, in a basketball street game. The Japanese directors and producers just go, do over, hold on, do over, we messed up,

it was a nine months of shooting, do over. That's insane. And so now I click and I watch Spiral and it is be yawned, tarted. OK, I get those dogs out here. Um, just yapping and shit. And Butters isn't even here anymore. Sam took over in cell. Almost vomited. Um, so but yeah dude spiral it's just beyond dude beyond okay so Ringu and dude you know what and I talk about whatever I want to okay

this is my podcast the spy what is it called Ringu is about someone who watches a videotape and then gets a curse and then, and then spiral, they go like this. It's actually a virus. And you go, that just negates everything that fucking happened. And now I'm pissed. Because I just, I don't know, I guess I'll watch the second one, but I also now will watch the ring, wait I just I've been

in my fucking Kristen hates it when I watch Japanese movies dude she's not racist but she's just like I just I'd like to do other things and watch the movie that's kind of why too I'll do it because I I because I watched that movie companion the other night and it is okay dude it's okay everyone told me to watch it hey everyone relax it's okay the tone is not for me dude it's not it's not it's not you understand and I'll tell you why if you want to know. It's a movie that's in the theaters right now that I fucking bought on Apple TV for $25. Which is too much.

But there were three people so you doodle it down. It's like $7 each or some shit. I still pay for everyone but it's like... So I bought it and I watch it and it's like, hello, dude. The tone. Is it a comedy or what? Nah, I don't, I don't like when people go for jokes. I don't want to, I don't, I don't like what people call for jokes, man. But it's like, make it creepy, dude. Make it.

Well, that's creepy. Tell me more about that. I want to hear it. I want to see the trailer to a fucking horror movie. And I want to hear it. I want to see the trailer to a fucking horror movie and I want to go that's me in the movie theater before a horror movie watching another preview for a horror movie. Blumhouse from the producer creepy. Tell me more about that. From the producer of It. That's creepy. Tell me more about that. You know what I mean?

From the paranormal activity family. That's creepy. Tell me more about that. The prequel to fucking, you know what I'm saying? Just. So. I don't know, man, I just kind of been off on a tangent this whole podcast, but that's when it's good. I, I, I, um, I gotta watch, uh, Oh, what's this?

We got hollers. Is this one for now? I love you, Nick. You're doing the best you can with what you have. And I'm proud of you. Love Emily. That's cute. Oh, I love it.

Go to hollar.baby slash crystal if you want to purchase shout out or mini ad on this podcast you know what um that's cute you're doing the best you can with what you have is that a thing to say yeah it is it really is sensational so um you know i wanted to watch you know what i wanted to watch videos too people really like when i watch videos but i like watching videos and i didn't and that's okay everybody knows your gags but i will um watch this video and I will also watch videos on the patreon episode. This is why you never try to flee the cops it says. Hold on, before we do this let's listen to Walter White. That gets badass that gets nasty So you have to make sure that always above the priest the lips and thin it out me running for mayor

He's skinned underneath it and it doesn't look as me running for mayor Sir the actually the the question was how what we were gonna do with the park This guy confronts this gangster after the gangster threatened an old man. I just came home 25 to life. I killed my moms and dad. Oh dude. I just came home 25 to life.

I killed my moms and dads. Uh, and, and I'll tell you this. Uh, he probably pled not guilty so be careful guy right don't say that in the subway also imagine you're now in this situation oh my god put yourself there put yourself there. Put yourself there. You know what I do? I do a calm app meditation of you in fucked up situations. There you are on the subway in New York. You feel your energy depleting, sitting, relaxing on the subway.

The sounds of the subway fill your ear canal and release all the stress in your brain. What's that smell? It smells like piss, right? Because you're on a subway in New York. Breathe in and breathe the piss in. You try to relax, but you breathe in piss in. Yeah. You feel that anger? Let it go. You're just a little bit perter- whoops

somebody just bumped your leg. Okay. It was a pregnant lady. It's all good. It's a pregnant lady with another baby. She's got to stop having kids, right? It's 11 PM. It's okay. Don't bring your kid out at 11 PM. Breathe in. You should sleeping. And you should be getting rest too, because you're pregnant. Breathe out, smells like piss. Release. Great, someone bumped your shoulder. Fuck, it's a fat guy. He should be sitting.

There's a seat empty actually next to him. So what he should do is sit in that seat. Breathe, it smells like piss. He smells worse. B.O. It's B.O. and piss. And the pregnant lady is now touching you again. That's annoying. That's fucking annoying.

So here we go. Are you proud of that? I am. I am. Right now. I'll blow your face up. Oh. Oh, I mean, you know? Oh, Texas Techs, dude, the most, the most, okay, we're in trouble now. Take off your messenger bag. Hey, no, you know what the gangster way to do it would be?

Take it off from the bottom or under waist or under feet. Step out of it. Okay. Let's go. Yo, wow. That's hilarious to have a messenger bag and then someone steps you and then you take it off from the bottom? Bro, come on. You step out of the loop? Let's go. I thought you wanted... I thought you were tough. You know you would never... Wow, you would never fuck with a guy who who if you step to a guy and he took off his messenger

bag from the bottom you would be like you know what sorry dude I got the wrong guy you're a psychopath I have got it. That's hilarious dude. Are they gonna fight? I'm ready anytime, man! I got a hundred witnesses here saying people are threatening this old man right here. Telling him that if he touches you, you're gonna f*** him. Ah! See, that's another mark for the people who are violent do it because of sexual reasons, right? Maybe he's homosexual, which is fine. Maybe, you know what I mean? Why why are they not they're not using they're letting leaving some of the words out you're not fucking me I'm telling you hey dude

Yeah Just comes out I don't care if you're gay, you can be. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Damn dude. That's pretty cool. Boy you sit the f**k down and shut the f**k up. This guy confronts this gangster after the gangster threatened an old man. What if they said this guy confronts this gay gangster after the gay gangster threatened an old man? If that happened and then the guy sat down and then the guy was there I would go like this Hey King drop your hat and I'd pretend to pick up a crown Nah, just kidding. Well, I mean nobody was cool. That would be what I

Yeah, pick up your messenger bag just stand in it again and then we'll pull it up If a mustache you know who the fuck asked Bryan Cranston this? thin it out so you can see skin underneath it and it doesn't look as masculine it just seems what's i was actually asking you about uh the spending for the government spending um dude i saw my buddy people have mustache i saw my buddy from high school The other day on Instagram and I knew it I fucking knew he would have a big bushy mustache when he got older and he does do it. I Fucking Knew it and he does and he didn't have facial hair in fucking high school, dude, and I knew it dude I look at that guy and I go that guy

his face his face is gonna it'd be good with a bushy mustache and he knew I never told him he knew it I can't take credit for it but he knew it dude and he did it I mean I'm talking about the bushes myself stuff I've ever seen in my life Wilford Brimley goes like this wow Wow, that's a bushy mustache. A walrus goes like this. Whoa. You know, a 70s porno, a woman's uh hatchet wound literally goes like this. Wow, the hatchet wound says it. I don't want to say the thing to get demonetized, but you know what I'm talking about. The vagina, you can say vagina, right? It just goes wow.

But you know I'm talking about the fact that you know Vagina you can say Vagina right though. It just goes wow the bush with the bush Is what it is, dude? So we you know We should talk about the foodie boys more we'll do that on the patreon actually Happened to you you go to a friend's house and they ask if they can make you Daryl Hemmings sure Who's this? Darryl Hammond? Is this a real thing or is that Darryl Hammond? It's, it, I mean, you know, sounds just...

Okay, first of all, that's never happened to me. Hey, can I make you pasta? What dude? I'm just we're chilling. Like what? You know, I have the kind of life that if I was at my friend's house and they said you want me to make pasta for us, I would like be like so Weirded out is that that says something about me I think And in order to fit the pasta into the pot they break it in half and you're like I mean, what is this? This is a great show. Whatever this is.

If this is real, this is a great show. We need stuff like this. This guy's so autistic for pasta and we love it. Let me show you a method that's going to work a lot better. We're just going to take our pasta and put it in the pot. What we're going to do is if you just wait like, I mean, this is not, five seconds, it's gonna soften. Yeah, dude Like we know

I've been passed a one time and this is what I did by the way And you always want to keep track of which side was sticking out because at the end we're gonna compensate I remember when I was a kid growing is my friend Justin and I wanted to make a roller coaster. Oh bro this is fantastic. This guy is so awesomely brained. Yo this guy needs a podcast straight up and you got motherfuckers out here that are just buying a microphone and sitting in a chair or even worse the podcast with the guy who holds the little microphone like clip it on started saving money by putting our lunch money in a shoe box and after about six months we had a couple hundred dollars in there but it turns out anyway

you're welcome That's magic. That's magic mountain whatever it is Sister's boyfriend had found the shoe box and he stole the money to pay for an abortion cook Bro, this is a this show This is great. Dude. Are you kidding me? Anyway, are you like me? Do you hate when they they crack pasta anyway my friend's kid once got an abortion okay this is looking just about ready and dude his boyfriend had found the shoe box and he stole the money to pay for an abortion okay this is looking just about ready. That's great dude. Who is this

guy? Henry Phillips? That's great. And then look at this autistic person in the comments. Great technique but there are a few ways to improve on it. It's the best for my... Look at this. It's best to form a lane with the tomato sauce on a cutting board to let the sauce oxygenate and it... I'm getting fucking hungry, bro. Oh, I would also recommend Pitsman's mustard. Not a sponsor. Simply add the entire container. Like what? That's great. I got to text it to my friends. What? How do I? Oh, it's control. All right. Well, that's it, guys. Appreciate you.

Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We love you. And, you know, let's go listen to some chasing cars and go get my my tickets. Crystal Leah dot com. I'm you. I got a lot of new dates there. I'm going to be in Florida. I'm going to be in a bunch of different places. Go to ChrisLeah.com. Thank you very much. Good boy, good boy, good boy.