Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 437. Right Under Happiness

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

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RUNK I got my legs out. I got my legs out dude. I have shorts on because the it's getting nice. It's getting real nice out. I was in Vegas this weekend. Oh wait, by the way, before I even start off on that, thank you to everyone who has been watching and commenting on my special that I released on YouTube. It's very sweet. A lot of those comments, I mean, they're just so, they're really touching and I appreciate you. And I appreciate you taking the time to like the video. And if you've watched it and liked it, some of you guys have shared it so thank you for that you know I'm doing it my this myself so it really helps when you share it a lot of people don't even know

that they're like oh man where's he been I'm like what I've been touring but so it's just really really cool and I appreciate you all so go watch grow or die if you haven't on YouTube and I really appreciate it and share it share the heck out of it So yeah, it's beautiful out and I just feel good. You know what I there's been let's see so there's been Basically Um, basically, uh, three weeks now where if, if I don't sit around too, uh, long with nothing to do, I'm happy. So I've been happy for three weeks. Okay. Now I don't want to say every second I've been happy for three weeks, okay? Now I don't wanna say every second

I've been happy for three weeks. No, that's not true, of course. It's like you go up and down and all that stuff. But I very noticeably have, I stopped, this was like a week ago, I stopped and I was like, what the hell's going on, man? I feel good. And I realized I felt good because I have felt good for a while now. And

a while to me is a week or two, you know. I've never had it to where I've just felt good for six months. I don't know what that's like. I think you got to be pretty much in a dumb dumb, right? But maybe not. I don't know. And then I felt so good that I was so happy that I was like, man, I wish I was a dumb guy, you know? But, you know, obviously it doesn't totally have to do with smarts, I'm joking, but I do feel this like, wow, this, you know, life is worth just living, which is absolutely crazy. Because I don't mean when I don't feel this way,

I feel like life is not, right? But I'm just like, man, you know, and this is all before, you know, the stock, all my stocks have crashed. So there's that, but if I, if I let my mind, so this is what I was thinking though, okay. I was feeling good and then one today, I think it was today, yeah, but today,

I was on the couch and I sat on the couch for a while and didn't really do anything. I was like, I look, I was looking on Instagram a little bit and I just, after 20 minutes, was like, oh, I'm sad again. So here's the deal, I've been pretty busy. So if I'm not doing something and I'm just, they say idle hands is the devil's playground. Well, dude

Yeah, okay. So if I just stop doing things my brain goes no no No abort we're gonna fuck your day. So I just have to basically keep doing things and then I'm like Dude, that's cool. That's that's fine. There's a fine. There's a lot of stuff to do now, 2025. If I was born in the year... 1400? Oh, that's why no one lived long enough. Because they were all like, I mean, dude, you really got to sit and think about how awful everything is.

You know? And granted, there was stuff like, you know, the black plague, but still. Now we have stuff like Instagram to distract us, but that makes me feel bad too. You know what it is, man? I feel like sometimes humans are just too... We don't use enough of our brain or we use too much of our brain. If we were just a little dumber, if our midbrain, if we operated on midbrain or if we were all basically Lucy,

that movie with Scarlett Johansson where she gets injected by something and then she starts using more percentage of her brain and then becomes air or something, I don't know. Psychic future teller. I don't know, dude, but what I do know is this guy has it figured out. My day is 6 a.m. to noon and I'm not crazy.

You're crazy for thinking it takes 24 hours just like some dude in the cave did 300 years ago. 300 years ago. Just like some dude in the cave did 300 years ago. 300 years ago. Just like some dude in the cave did 300 years ago. Where was he talking about? Where does he mean? Afghanistan? It starts at noon and goes till 6 p.m.

That's day two. And then the next day is 6 p.m. to midnight. What I've done now is I have changed a manipulated time I now get 21 days a week stack that up over a month I'm gonna kick you but stack it up over a year your toast stack it up over five years My entire life is different than otherwise my day, dude The this guy is a genius Okay, he figured out that there's more days in one day.

That is fucking genius. What's up with time influencers and time going crazy bonkers viral? What's up? What's up? Why don't, hey, why are we not just ignoring these guys? Oh, really? Three days in one day?

Bye. Dude, you stack each day up, that's three days. And then the fact that he did the math is hilarious. I follow this guy on Instagram. This guy is just a genius. 6 a.m. to noon and I'm not crazy. You're crazy for thinking. The doubling down is so dope, dude.

My first day is 6 a.m. to noon and I'm not crazy. You're crazy for thinking it takes longer than that. Dude, that is unreal. Four hours, just like some dude in a cave did 300 years ago. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6 p.m. That's day two. And the next day is 6 p.m. to midnight. What I've done now is I have changed the manipulated time.

I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, I'm gonna kick your butt. Stack it up over a year, you're toast. Stack it up over five years, my entire life is different than it was otherwise. Okay, listen, that's fine except for No, you don't One day is one day. You can't just all of a sudden be like one days three days, dude

I'm so jealous that this guy thinks that and feels that dude. I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous, bro. I Am jealous of this man. I I'm so jealous, bro. I am jealous of this man. I am jealous that he knows the haters say he's crazy, and he says, no, you're crazy. One day is three days. Do you understand that that is, that is absolutely a winning attitude.

That's what I need. I need that. I can't bring myself to do that though, you know? Like I was watching John Bellion play a bunch of music today because Kristen was playing, was doing it live. He was like live. He like had a record deal and then the record deal made too much money off of him

and he didn't make enough money so he quit. Now he just like hires guys who play tuba and guitar in a barn and like puts it on YouTube. so he quit. Now he just hires guys who play tuba and guitar in a barn and puts it on YouTube. He's great. He's phenomenal. I don't like how I feel about music. I don't care.

It's like whatever. But it's got to be so fun. He's having so much fun in that little hut where he's filming. And I'm sure he's rich and all that. I mean, he's written for Rihanna and everybody. But he's a real talented dude. And she's watching it. And he's just having a blast. And everyone else is having a blast.

And people playing guitar just having a blast. Other people playing the horn, having a blast. Some people just on shakers, just having a fucking blast on shakers. And John Belian is like singing, and then he's like, hey, take it up a notch. Oh, keep going. Use your left hand.

Use your left hand to the guy on the piano, the guy on the piano. Now just use your right. And then he uses his right hand, and he's do-do-do-do-do, those high notes. And they're just up a notch. Oh, keep going. Use your left hand. Use your left hand. To the guy on the piano, the guy on the piano. Use your right. Now just use your right. And then he uses his right hand and he's like, those high notes. And they're just having a blast. And I'm like, man, I was sitting there watching this thing that Kristen put on and left the room about, because that's what she does because she has ADD and now I'm sitting there watching

it alone. And I'm too lazy to get up and change it. And I want to watch episode two of The Penguin. But I'm just like, I know it's too late to watch The Penguin but that's what I do I wait till they're all on the platform and then I start the show that's how we do it because I will not fall victim to appointment tv anymore dude you made it so we had to binge so make it so we have to binge now I'm binging and now you're gonna go back to appointment TV? Now you're gonna go back to the release

of the first few episodes of Squid Game? And then I have to wait till after Christmas till the new ones come out? No, guess who's not watching Squid Game? Guess who's not watching Squid Game then? Me, okay? So now what I'm doing is I'm watching the John Bellion do this thing and I don't wanna watch it,

but I'm looking at them. And one thing I love is watching people have fun, and he's having so much fun. And the Asian girl with the guitar's having so much fun. And the guys with the shakers are having so much fun. And the cameramen are having so much fun even though they have masks on, right? And we're well into 2025, but they're having a good time.

And the only one is a mask on, so it wouldn't even matter anyway. But they're having a good time, dude. And I look at it and I just go, life would be so much better if I just loved teamwork like that. You know, it's gotta feel, for a split second, I felt really good about how, oh, I'll do the singing,

you do the guitar, you do the other thing, you do the dental and you film it. And as a team, we're creating this beautiful moment, right? But I can't quite get there, because I see them doing that, and I think, yeah, yeah, okay, that's awesome. And then I get to that point where I'm like,

this, this, this, I wouldn't like this, it would be too loud in that room, I would be like, why am I in Montana probably? You know what I mean? And where is the nearest coffee bean in Tea Leaf? And that's just, and then I go, you know, I look at, and then I started thinking of sports. I started thinking of basketball and baseball.

You know the sports and teamwork. And I each have a job to do something, and how you work together to accomplish a goal or war, you know what I mean? Whatever. And I go, I don't find joy in that. It's gotta be my parents' fault. It's gotta be. parents' fault. It's gotta be.

How is it my fault? I don't know. It's gotta be the, you know, who knows, right? They say if you know everybody, if you know somebody since birth, you can't hate them because you know their story and it's just like, what is it about? What is it about teamwork that I'm,

you know why? You know why? Because no matter what happens, I could blame someone else. That's why. I do stand up and it's going to be good or bad because of me, okay? I go up there, I either bring the house down

or I pretty much do really good, know I mean a bombing is hard now but like that's it dude I don't if I had to rely on someone else and if we had a good show oh man I'm a lunatic I'm a lunatic all this all this I'm thinking when I'm watching John Bellion singing a fucking hut and on his YouTube channel because Kristen put it on and left the room and has to use her cricket and do something for, you know, I, I, um, the cricket or the, what is it called? Circuit or cricket? I don't even know the thing that she has.

She puts a paper and wood in there and it cricket and it, it, it, it, and she makes like all these things for the house and shit, you know, she's got a laser thing that makes up. I'm like, what are you doing? You know, and she's just sitting in the middle of the hallway, just with the cricket. I'm doing something for the school. I'm helping for the school. Really?

What is it? It's for the daddy daughter dance. We don't even have a daughter. I'm like, well, you're, okay. watching John Billy on things so I can feel less bad about not getting up and changing it. Working on something. We don't have a daughter. Um, but man, this guy manipulated time. This, you know, a guy like this, well, first of all, he's on a lot of drugs. You gotta be on drugs if you're talking like this. But you feel like you're right.

And when you feel like you're right, it feels good. It feels fucking so good. There is a better feeling than right, and that's happy. But happy is too hard. Happy is just, it's hard. It's so hard. You've gotta do so much self-reflection and so much figuring out and so much also not figuring out.

You also have to just let things go. Wha? Let things go? Wha? What? But they happened. Let things go? What? But they happened. Let things go. What?

But they happened. And my mind is my mind. All right, so if we're not going to be able to achieve happiness, which I have in the past two weeks, on a pretty good basis, OK? Then at least I wanna be right. Yeah, there we go, see? I knew it. If I can't be happy, I at least wanna be doing that.

I knew it, I knew it. I knew that was gonna happen. That's why I said it was gonna happen. See? That's me. Right under happy, that's me. See? That's me, Right under happy. That's me. See? That's me. Right under happiness.

Well, what'd I say? What'd I say? I knew she was gonna leave the room with the John Belian fucking YouTube channel on. Didn't I say that? See? Are you happy? No, but I'm right. Called it. Yeah, it's too hard to be happy. I, I, you know, and I sit and I look at my kids sometimes and I look at my wife

and I look at my, you know, things, right? You don't like to think about materialistic, but sometimes I'm in my car and it's nice and it's clean and I'm just like, yeah, but you know, it's just not cut. It's the kids cut it. Kids are the kid. The family is great, but sometimes you just feel like a fraud, right? Yes, dude. Yes. Sometimes you feel like a fraud. Imposter syndrome. Sometimes you feel like you don't deserve it. Yes, dude. See, this is what happens in my mind if I'm not even doing the podcast. This is all the stuff that I'm thinking about.

And then it just keeps going. And I go from happy to sad to happy to anxious to nihilistic to, you know, and it's just like, you got, I guess you just do that until you're, you know, 92, if you're lucky, right? Until you're, my day is 6 AM to noon. Until you're just, I'm not crazy. You're crazy. That is so great, dude. That is so great.

I do feel that way about a lot of things, but not, not days. I was in Vegas earlier this weekend. I played Wise Guys Comedy Club and it was really fun. Wise Guys Town Square. Vegas is funny, dude, because there's the strip and then there's other places and you're like, okay, I was in the other place. It was off the strip. I did not spend time in the strip. I spent time in a hotel near Town Square.

Now, Town Square is just exactly what you think it is. It's a place where you go and you think, oh, I could spend the day here. And then after 15 minutes, you go, oh, this is a trick. You know places like that? You know what, you know places like that? What they all have? They all have a sugar factory.

They all have, or like that place, it's sugar, you know? If you see that place run, it is tricking you. They have a little outdoor area for grass, right? They have a place where you could get something like specialized fries or corn dogs. And then they have a Talbot and a place that looks like, you know, like a mart, like a lounge where like, it looks like a, you know, a 38 year old divorce, women go to try and fuck 25 year old men, right? Or, or 58 year old men go to fuck 30 year old, but either way, nobody's getting fucked, right? Because they all want different stuff. And I'm in this town square thing and there's a coffee bean and tea leaf

and there's a train with kids on it that a guy's driving through the center with the kids. They get to go take a ride and shit and kids like it. But it's like, oh, and then there's a comedy club there, Wise Guys, which is Wise Guys was great. That was the best, it's the best part of Town Square. You know? And there's foot traffic, there's a lot of people there,

but you go there and you're like, I could, this is awesome, dude. And then 15 minutes later, you're like, oh wait, this is all it has. I'm actually, oh, it has an escape room. Oh, oh, I'm out. Escape rooms, I've said this before and I'll say it again, are the whitest things you can do.

Help, I can't get out. Nah, I can get out. Help, I'm trapped. No, these circumstances aren't real. I'll get out in an hour at the most. Even if I don't figure it out, they'll let me out. Ha ha ha ha. the most. Even if I don't figure it out, they'll let me out. The escape room explosion in 20...

whatever it was... 19? 2022? What was it? I don't know. But Vegas was cool. You know, nothing crazy. You know, Vegas is one of those things where it's like, you know, nothing crazy. You know, Vegas is one of those things where it's like, you know, it's one of those places where you go and you either have a time. There's just so much expectation, right? Okay, so you're kind of fucking yourself in a way, but it has all the stuff So you could catch the Vegas wave, right?

You could because they have all this stuff catch the wave and have a grand time You don't have shit to do the next day, right? You either have another day in Vegas or you leave and go back home, right? So if you're going you you could catch the wave. What is catching the wave? Catching the wave may be making a few dollars gambling. It may be going to a nice restaurant. It may be going to a club. It may be getting laid.

It may be not getting laid and then walking around the strip later and finding a hooker and realizing, oh, why don't I do this? And then doing it and then thinking, why have I never done this? But you could catch the wave and then you're not done by the way then you can go get something to eat after that

you know like breakfast food at 4 30 a.m or even later right maybe you walk outside of the strip club when it's light outside you're like oh when i got here it was dark but you could catch the vegas wave easy you could because it has all the things the expectation is high because it has all the things. The expectation is high, but it has all the things, right? But what happens more likely than not is it's the exp, you don't catch the wave, right? Because only the wave catchers catch the wave, and you weren't chosen to be the wave catcher. So you are wandering around

Going like this Watching the fucking Light water show outside of Treasure Island. Oh, that's cool. You don't care though You'd rather be busting you'd rather have caught the wave and won $100, but instead you're watching water. Right? You're watching water and people are handing you flyers. Aw.

You didn't catch the wave. How was Vegas? Ah! Did you catch the wave? Didn't catch the wave, bro. And that's fine. But this is why the number one way to go to Vegas is either for work or a specific reason. Yes, dude.

I fucking, I am saving you if you're going to Vegas and you think you're going to willy-nilly go with some buddies. It you're going to Vegas and you think you're gonna willy-nilly go with some buddies. It's not gonna work. Do you realize how rare catching that wave is? Go for work this way, it is fruitful. I went for comedy shows and it was awesome, dude. The Vegas locals, forget it. Good looking people.

Met Waka Flocka, W walk a flock of flame came to my show Walk a flock of flame came to my show They were like walk a flock of flame wants to come to the show and I was like There's one answer that question and it's yes and you get him set up and then you go like this Oh, actually I said walk up said, so my buddies told me, Waka Flocka Flame, you know, he's a resident in Vegas, he wants to come to the show.

So I said yes, so I told the manager of the club, hey, Waka, Waka Flocka Flame, I gave him the list, I gave him my buddy's names and then his name, I just put Waka Flocka Flame, cause you know, my buddy's names and then his name. I just put Waka Flocka Flame, because, you know, and my, and when I got there, the manager says, okay, but I put those names on the list. Is that the Waka Flocka Flame? Like, what? I laughed to myself because it's like,

no, Waka Flocka Phillips. Oh no, not that, no, no, no, dude. Oh, I wrote flame. I meant Waka Flocka Rosenthal. But Waka Flocka, okay, but he's tall as shit. Made me look short in my Twitter photo that I posted. People saying I look short, but I'm not short. I'm 6'2".

He's like 6'5", but he was great. He said I was the best funniest white boy he's ever seen. So I take it. I don't you know, having a residency, well I'm so drunk, having a residency in Vegas is top. It's just top mandem. Mandem it's top. Because you're there for a reason and you and it's fruitful and mandem. Me girls are damn sugar, you know? Because they move beyond the area. Six, oh, time to have a six flex. Dude, I'm telling you,

the chain smokers when I went with them and Waka Flocka Rosenthal, dude, are you kidding me? They just go out there, they just, you know, they miss their flights. Have you ever missed a flight? Hey dude, how the fuck could you miss a flight? I've never missed a flight.

Shut the fucking dogs up! Dude, I have never missed a flight. I will never miss a flight. You know why? It's out of time that they told me. It's out of time that they told me. And I know how many miles away it is. And it's going to be annoying.

So I'm going to a lot. Right? Never once have I missed a flight. I have flown more than every single one of you watching this, I have never missed a flight. Because it's at a time that they told me. When I see people running, look, if you're gonna miss a connection, I'm not talking about missing a connection,

I'm not talking about missing a connection, that's not your fault, okay? But when I see people just like, oh, look at this line. Oh, no. Oh, we got to see if we could. Oh, excuse me. Can I, cause my flight's in. Hey dude, but it's at a time that they told you. And I'm not even like being on time. I'm always on time. I'm Am always on time. Okay, because it's a time that they told me to get there. All right now I I often leave like I live out of LA. I often leave

To give myself time and sometimes The wife is like, why are you leaving so early? We're hanging out with the kids. And I go, because this is what you have to do. So sometimes you're not late. I don't wanna be the guy that people are waiting for for 25 minutes, because I left too late

and I'm not gonna be that guy, dude. And I'm not, you know, I might be late for something that truly doesn't matter, but a flight bro. I'd be the first motherfucker on that thing for real. My friends get mad at me. Why do we have to go so early? When you go to Vegas or in an airport or anything like that, you really just notice how just,

people are just so focused on both themselves and nothing at the same time. I mean, dude, like was a lady, uh, like a 50 year old Asian lady, uh, in front of me. And, uh, it doesn't matter that she's Asian at all, except for we were in Vegas. So you know what she was like, you know what I mean? It might be right. I have no idea if it's racist or not, but you say Asian and you don't eat. I don't really think of anything specifically, but if you say, but she's in Vegas, you go, you go, okay. Yeah, I know exactly what I know exactly what you're talking about. I

know you're talking about without saying too much. I get it. okay? So she's there in the Starbucks, okay? It's the only coffee shop in the thing because this is how you know that, because I'm there, because I can't stand Starbucks because it tastes like the back of a cow's mouth. So I'm after this Asian lady. It's this Asian lady, I walk up, I go, oh, no line. Walk up, I wait, this lady takes,

let me try to be real about this. Seven minutes ordering? Dude, like, fuck you. Okay? So many reasons because of this. Fuck you, comes out of my mouth. Okay? Number one, Uh, so many reasons because of this. Fuck you comes out of my mouth. Okay. Number one, uh, uh, Oh God, it just, number one, number one, number one,

don't you want to stop this part? Okay. That's, that's number one. Number one, don't you want this part to be over? You're ordering something from Starbucks not getting your clit rubbed. It's not fun. Okay, so Don't you want this to stop? It's boring and mundane I guarantee even if you're getting good clit rub for too long, sometimes it's like, stop, stop, stop. And you're just doing this for too long. Okay, so there's the one.

Don't you want this part to stop because of the boring mundane-ness? Okay, number two. There's people behind you. What about them? All right? Let's see, I had a number three before I started talking about the clit and then I really got excited about that,

started laughing and now I forget the third one. But there is a third one and I'm not gonna say it, just respect that there was. So there's three things that you should be considering. She's got the app and the and and and and and a coin purse and you're just like. What the fuck dude. When someone takes out a coin purse? Bro. I go.

Stop the cap. No. Oh. Hey it's not 1982. You have credit cards right? Use them. Thanks. You do have credit cards, right? Use them, thanks. And by the time the lady was done, there were five people behind me. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that amazing?

Dude. And I'm looking at them like, you know, that's when you start to make friends. I remember one time. Um, I remember one time I was in a coffee bean and some guy walked in and was super crazy and I talked about this in my podcast, but he was just like, Oh, hey, what's up, man? He was like, yeah, how to talk about a llama at the laugh factory. And then when he got the coffees, he, he put his foot on the door and said, I had a, talking about a llama at the Laugh Factory. And then when he got the coffees,

he put his foot on the door and said, I'd love to see you sometime. Strictly hetero, and then kicked the door open and left. And he was so crazy that I met this other lady because it was too weird. And we looked at each other and we went, wow. And we started fucking hooking up. ["Squirrels of the West"] Crazies can really ["Squirrels of the West"] and we started fucking hooking up. -♪ HOO-KING UP! -♪

Crazies can really... -♪ HOO-KING UP! -♪ Help you get your squirt on, you know? And this was years ago, but, um... Yeah, it's just like, crazies walk into a room, people are gonna be sporting more probably, because they're gonna be meeting each other. Families are made because of crazies.

And if you're a coffee shop, there's a crazy. See, we had like a little tryst because of the guy who came in and said strictly hetero. Frickin Boston. Yeah, anyway. Oh, I didn't like that crazy guy, but sure liked Boston. Anyway, dude. Friends came out to the show. It's so funny, Vegas, because you're there. That's one of those places that if you're

like a performer or something, when you're in Vegas, you're like, oh, this is gonna be a weekend. I'm just gonna go for it. And when you get there, you got like nine people texting you like, hey, I'm here. Can I come to the show? And you're like, oh, fuck, this is gonna be a little bit more lit than I thought it was going to be.

There's going to be a little bit more sensation than I thought it was going to be. Um, anyway, I had a good time and I'm happy. Shout out to Keith Stubbs and, uh, Asa out there who, uh, run the club out, uh, out there and does a lot of... Wise Guys is a great comedy chain. They have places in Utah and I don't know, Vegas and stuff. Is this Andrew Tate's music? Oh shit.

He made music? oh shit. he made music? are we gonna get dinged for this or no? I mean, wow. Wow. Yo, no hope, I was broke, did it dirty, no soap. The thing about rapping is, there are very good rappers, right? That are just like the baby. Say what you want, he did that thing over the fucking Kendrick Lamar beat on the radio station. He's got a, dare I say, sick flow, right?

Does he, he's just genuinely just sick with it, right? Okay. However, I would say to be marginally good at hip hop is too easy. It's like modeling, you know? It's like you can be like, to really be a good model, you've got to actually do it right. This is not a, you know, there's that whole trope where,

oh, models are dumb. You can be dumb, but you can also know a lot about modeling and know where your angles are and shit and just, you know what I mean? But you can literally have down syndrome and be a model. And I'm that's don't knock on people or models or people with down syndrome. Everybody's great. But it's like you, it's too easy to be fine at it.

Okay. That's what rap is like. Every hip hop song is either so good or fine or horrible really, but that's, you know, horrible really. But that's, you know... Um... A lot of Andrew Tate hate... hate... hate... um... A lot of... a lot of Andrew Tate hate... Um... I wonder if he's thought about manipulating time at some point.

Um... I wonder if he's thought about manipulating time at some point. Um, what, like five in the morning? Yeah. Yeah. No, that was the odd. That was the dude in that boat. I were either one that came through the middle of the bridge. Was that you? Oh, this is starts this starts So heated like like just bursting at the insides Here but you ran in front of the other dude over there Bro you ran right through the middle of the bridge while we were all fishing Wow bro we were all fishing here the fucking I'm not gonna

do this with you bro I'm not gonna fucking do this with you bro like it's not the it's not the right time bro bro bro you can't come flying through the middle of the fucking bridge bro alright bro alright bro what are you trying to do bro what are you trying to do are they gonna swim up to each other and start fighting each other come here motherfucker hold on Hold on. Fuck it's freezing. I don't want to fucking go. I want you to get the fuck out of here.

Tough guy you pulled up on me motherfucker. Yeah. I love how when Yeah, guys are fucking hilarious. You only got one option if you miss speak when you're yelling like that. And it's too mean like you act like you meant to do it. What the fuck man, you rolling up? You rolled up on me. Yeah, I did. That was part of my plan is saying the thing first so I could get you in a trap and I did didn't I?

I'm fishing you fuck it like bro get out of here Like what what are you trying to do act like a tough guy in front in front of your buddies? Dude No, I'm not. Dude, all these motherfuckers know I'm tough, motherfucker. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Dude. Wow. All these motherfuckers know I'm tough, motherfucker. So many unnecessary motherfuckers. And then also imagine your friend said that. Dude, if I was on a boat and my friend said that, I go like this. He's actually not, dude.

He's not gonna do anything. You're a boat away. He can't even swim, dude. You know what? Get going, bro. Oh, dude. Well, thank you for your service, bro. And you're gonna talk shit. Oh Dude Well, thank you for your service bro, thank you for your service bro, but that doesn't give you the right

All right, bro. All right, whatever I Appreciate you for your service, bro, but you don't got to run through the middle of the bridge, bro That's not my guy bro, that's just another fucking dude bro. You have to have lights on. My lights were on bro. My lights were on. Dude it's so funny that they're doing this but floating. Like they're just floating, like they don't have an anchor down.

Like they're just, like they're so there. They're like they're so insignificant This see dude. Hey, this is the sea It's taking you where it wants to and you're talking about how tough you are Well, it just while it just it pushes you back So slowly you bitch, you know all right, motherfucker. Just but but slowly just because of the wind and the sea Dude that makes me laugh Something fell wait is there is there does it does it does it get out of hand or oh they go up to each other

I'm out here all the time bro I'm 300 days a year on the motherfucking water will ferrell I'm the best tour captain you ever be in your motherfucking all right bro shit he's getting on the jail bro please bro please okay please bro please bro, please bro, please bro, bro. I'm a kid bro, please. Oh, I'm sorry Oh Man, I'm gonna say that I'm a kid if I forget like y'all you got 45 I'm sorry, bro No, bro, please bro, please bro.

Please bro. Get back on my boat. Okay, please. I'm fucking apologize. I'm sorry bro. He already did dude. God, the guy's so hot. Charter fishing boat captain,

I'm the best fucking captain you ever see. Oh my God. I wonder if like, do you have the right to shoot someone on a boat? If they get your was not me bro. I know I was here, but my buddy was on the boat. Yes sir. There's like take me back to my fucking boat bro. Jump in.

Oh, I would push that motherfucker in dude. When I say it, I mean mean it i would push him in oh fuck him dude you get on my fucking boat dude this is why i don't want a boat i don't want a boat please i don't care you don't cuss me out all right shit to me mother fucker yes sir don't do it i'm sorry man i wasn't like cussing you out. I was driving the boat. Okay. Call me a fucking faggot. No, bro. That was my friend on the. Okay. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry, bro. I look at it. Yes, sir. And fuck you both. Yes, sir. Do it again and watch what fucking happens. How can you be that mad for that long? That's incredible, dude.

That is really incredible. I've never been that mad, I don't think. And he got arrested, wow. Wow, what'd he get arrested for? Just jumping on another person's boat you can't do that okay wow yeah yeah that makes sense wow Yes sir I'm sorry bro like I appreciate y'all bro like I'm sorry, bro. Like I appreciate y'all bro. Like, I'm sorry, bro. He's got the Facebook glasses on too. This should be a meta commercial.

A Ray-Ban commercial. God boats are so bitch. Your legs all out and shit. Oh God, please have the guy, please have the guy. I want to see the guy get back on his own boat like a bitch Dad that's so weird dude. I know I know guys are like that, but I just oh Man Well, he's That whole thing makes me feel bad, dude. Well, Kanye West came out with a new song and the, and the, the And the artwork is two Nazis hugging.

And one of them is him, I think. And I love how, I think, have I said this before? I feel like I have, but how he's taking the swastika and just like, at least say you're trying to reinvent it, but he's just like, no, I just use it. And people are like, well, that's antisemitic. And then the people who are Kanye, on Kanye's side are like it was actually a symbol before that and he's just using it so he doesn't mean he's a

Nazi and then and then Kanye West will just make a song where he's like yo I'm a Nazi. And they still hang their hats on, hey, that symbol is before Nazis. And then Kanye's like, he'll come up with a rap song called, hey, this is the symbol for being a Nazi. It isn't the one, this is not the Buddhist symbol. Man. Really weird.

You know, he's come a long way since. You're such a fucking hoe. I love you. way since you're such a fucking hoe I love you're such a fucking whore dude my brother would always say you're such a fuck no it boy you're such a freaking whore I'm interested and I thought it was so dumb and funny dude. You're such a fricking whore, I'm interested. Dude, if this is his track list, this is a Kanye's track list supposedly. I don't think it's real, but there is talk about if it is real

No, it can't be real no, it can't be real there's there's no way What's that? It's on Wikipedia. There's one called World War three. Okay fine. Then there's one called Cosby. Then there's one called free Diddy Okay, those are those are three then there's one called Free Diddy. Okay, those are three. You know, whether you like it or not, singles, those are three, they better be good songs. You know?

Then there's Dirty Magazines, which fine, that's a fine title. Then there's Bianca, which is his, well, I don't know if they're still together or what. By the way, how do you stay, you know? I like how they broke up a little bit and then got back together. It's like, no, what?

Dude, his, I mean, I guess it's the money and fame, but he might just be just laying it down in the bedroom too. Kanye must be a great lover. Then there's Virgil let me down, which sounds real enough, I guess. Then there's Hale let me down, which sounds real enough, I guess. Then there's Hale Hitler, which I would say Kanye probably would make a song like that. No, come on, dude. This can't be real.

Hitler, Ye and Jesus. And then... Um... Well, whatever. Oh, God. You know, people are, you know, I know a lot of people are like, oh, he's crazy, so like, we shouldn't pay attention, but it's like, you know, it's always Hitler, you know, he got a lot done. And he got a lot done. How bad stuff done? Um, Oh man. Oh, I'll be in, oh, I forgot to do my dates.

I'll be in, uh, Rhode Island, do my dates. I'll be in Rhode Island or something. I don't even remember. I'll be in Cranston, Rhode Island. That's where I'll be. And then I'll be in Casper, Wyoming, Portland, Maine, Cheyenne, Wyoming, Denver, Colorado, New York, New York, Boston, Savannah, Atlanta, Winnipeg, Regina, Saskatoon, Ontario, California, Dania, Florida, finally saying that right,

Irvine, California, I have a lot of dates. I'm also announcing new, I got Miami, I got a bunch of different dates, go to chrisleve.com. I have a lot of dates coming up too that I'm putting out, so I'm excited about that. I'm just working, I'm in a, well I've said this before, so I don't need to say it again. I'm creatively, I feel good. So that's it.

Okay. Yo, I had actually, oh, hell yeah, dude. I got, what do you call it? Nose cream for my, I got, I got cream for my nose, dude. Mupuricin. You ever fuck with mupuricin? That is the answer to my problems. I got that thing back in my nose where it's all crusty. That's just disgusting.

But whatever. Hey, stars are just like us and Been doing too much traveling for my nose is sick my nose goes It's too dry. I did and I would wake up a bull my nose and blood would come out And it's great probably got a chronic infection all good, but I will tell you this Captain the Pearson I'm gonna go get it right after this podcast to act probably closed But I'm gonna put get it right after this podcast too. It's probably closed. But I'm gonna put it up there real nice. I put it on the Q-tip and I just, I put the Q-tip in my nose and I just drizzle it real nice.

I just, you know, like a little nipple. Like I just, and I keep it there and it's nice and I feel it in my brain and it feels like a, you know, and then in like three days it's better and then I keep using it just because fuck you infection you're such a Dude, I don't know who the Rizler is, okay? I guess he's a kid who does a face? Hey, it has to be more. Okay? It has to be more. OK? I'm so tired of just someone, of having to see just a person,

like the hook to a girl. Hey, it has to be more. The guy who wakes up at 3 52 a.m. And does Fucking nothing until 10 a.m. That workout influencer Ashton Hall. No It has to be more So if you're just a kid that does a face The buck stops for me Do something more than that. I don't care if you're eight. I don't care. Do more.

You know, or it's really weird. What is the Riz? Dude, I don't people. First of all, Riz was already made. People have said Rizler, I guess, probably. So he just uses Rizler, and now he's doing this face. Right, isn't that one? He just, you didn't make that face, dude. People been making that face since Unsolved Mysteries. And who's this guy? Is he his dad? Do you know? Or is he just like, I have a feeling that guy's not even related to him and we just don't know it.

And he's just some other guy that, that, that, hey, do more. You're a Costco guy. Keyword is guy. Costco is boring and guy is not enough. Why am I watching you? You know what fucked everything up? I guess it was reality TV, right? Like the Jersey shore or like, uh, one of the other ones, like at least survivor was a game show. That was one of the first ones, right? But after that, it was just like, you know, hey, a family,

you know, like the Osbournes is one thing because he's famous, but like the Kardashians, they're not even, they were kind of famous. They weren't really famous. Bruce Jenner was famous. He didn't even exist anymore. And then they just got a show and people just started watching it. Hey, be more than that. You're just faces and bodies and talking and shit and tits and stuff. So now we've got people like the Rizler, like, uh, like, uh,

Kardashians walked so the Rizler could, Kardashians ran so the Rizler could fly. And now we got, see, this is what I mean about how it's wrapping is too, it's too easy to be passable, it needs to be a lot harder. These guys can't do what Josh Groban does. You raise me up to be on the highest mountain. in the gym bench pressing. I give that lip five people. I've got Pokemon cards. I got fresh chicken beds. Not good. So this is another person. There's a, there's another now there's, it's like the big guy and the Rizzler got together and morphed into somebody. This is

the third guy. I've got Pokemon cards. I've got fresh chicken bags. What's a chicken bake? I mean, so non-sequiturs hitting the ball so hard, dude, I've got Pokemon cards. I've got chicken. I got fresh chicken bags. I hit the ball so fucking hard, dude. You're not, you're not saying a sentence even. Hey, be more than that who's this oh this is the this guy is the one who is this guy this guy is the guy that you go. Oh, you know what? Put him in the front line when we have war God

God My bro, what kind of Japanese sounding fucking shit is this? My name quarterback. Nice catch. Oh, for no reason. Ohio. Just for no reason. Oh, hi, yo. Just for no reason, dude. Be more than that.

Hey, dude, I am so sick of people saying, dude, this is the song of the summer. Or, you know what? Dude, this is the podcast of the summer. This is the podcast of the summer. This is it. This is the banger, the podcast banger of the summer. And I've got fresh chicken wings.

Why Ohio dude? They're just there. God, people love where they're from. You're just from a place. You just happened to be born there. People splurged. People either splurged there, waited nine months you came out, or splurged somewhere, then drove to where you came out.

Guy, you know, people from like Philly and shit. Ain't nothing like Philly, though. OK. All right. Good. Cool. Uh-huh. Yeah, but Boston, you know, when you really get up there, you know, you know. All right. Good. Cool. Uh-huh Yeah, but Boston, you know when you really get up there, you know, you know, all right cool great Ain't nothing like the South you come down you come down and you you you you taste that real home cooking you take that

You taste you you taste that southern you in Memphis you taste that? All right, hey, it's just a place people splurged, it drove here and you came out. Anyway, you guys, yeah, please watch this special. If you haven't yet, it's under there in the description or something, go click it and what do you call it? Thumbs up it. Right isn't that what you do on YouTube? And then you can comment and it helps and share it too. It I put a lot of heart work and heart into that. I'm not gonna say blood sweat and tears because that's nothing.

Although I did sweat and I did cry. No blood. I do actually pick my hang now, so. Uh, yeah, blood, sweat, and tears. Um, I appreciate you guys, and go to chrislea.com to get tickets. I will be there where you are somewhere soon. So thank you. I'm out.