Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 438. Got Some Enemies

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is now available to watch on YouTube: WATCH 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week we've got the Blue Origin women, the Man in the Arena, people watching The Masters on the plane and Martin Luther King Jr. vs every podcaster. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RUNK! RUNK! RUNK! Yeah dude, we got the new episode of Congratulations! Hot, hot off the presses The new episode of Congratulations! Congratulations!

Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!

Congratulations! Congratulations! Yes, dude! There we are! And let me thank you guys first. Thank you. I went through on my special and I looked at some of the comments that you guys first. Thank you. I went through on my special and I looked at some of the comments that you guys left and it seems that there are so many stories to tell and I deeply appreciate

you guys taking the time to write them. I try to read them. I don't normally try to read comments on like you know Instagram or definitely not TikTok, Twitter, X, whatever. But the special was very, is very important to me. I know I just kind of released it on YouTube and a lot of those comments really, honestly, they strike a chord in me. Like I, I, I, they keep me going. I know it sounds so, you know, well, however it sounds, but it's true.

It makes me feel, I just, I'm grateful. I'm really grateful for you guys that took the time out to do that. And even to watch the show. And if you did watch it and you liked it and helped the algorithm and shared it, then thank you very much. It's called Grow or Die on YouTube.

If you haven't yet, go check it out. And that's what's going on. I have haven't yet, go check it out. And that's what's going on. I have dates coming up in Casper, Wyoming. I have two shows in Casper, Wyoming, where is it? Then I have Cheyenne, Wyoming, been there, going again. Then I got Denver, Colorado, been there a bunch of times, going again. New York, New York, been there a bunch of times,

going again. Boston, Massachusetts, Savannah, Georgia. I just added St. Louis which is cool so I'll be there too I'm doing a club there because I'm gonna post up with the fam I think we're going because Kristen went to college there and then Dania Florida I just got a bunch of dates or some Canadian dates in there I love love adding dates, dude. I'm crazy, I have OCD. And, you know, it's why I am who I am.

Oh, okay, but it's not, it's the OCD monster. But I, you know, sometimes flights are the same length Sometimes flights are the same length as they were before. And for some reason they're just longer. And I get upset because flights, come on dude, you didn't feel this long last time. Now I don't, you know, my mom used to always be like, one of the things in my childhood was whenever we came back from a place, I'd be like, how come it seems shorter on the way back? And my mom would always say, always seems shorter on the way back. And, uh, and okay. Uh, but not necessarily when it comes to planes because I went from uh

I went from uh, yeah, tell them we're starting I went from uh from la or lax to um Rhode island, okay Then I drove to portland, maine, which is two hours away from Rhode island And then so I was there and then I flew back from portland, maine to uh Lax and why was it so much longer? It wasn't the two-hour drive that did it. I was, you know, it's so, I gotta tell you, in my career,

I have had a number of like run ins. Does that sound negative run ins? It's not negative. I just mean I've bumped into other comedians on the road. A bunch, a bunch. It's not, it's always kind of interesting when it happens. I guess it's weird that it happens so much, but I wouldn't even say it's weird

because it just, we're all always traveling. There's about a hundred of us and you know, you're gonna run into, yeah, you know, Ornie Adams, you're just gonna. And I did three weeks ago and it was nice to see him. But last week I was in Portland, Maine, which is not the comedy hub, okay? It's a very, I would say, well, it's very liberal.

It's, I mean, there's so many flags. Hey guys, I think I'm just basically at the point where I'm not right wing, left wing. I'm not even center. Just stop with the flags. I don't want flags around. Just even I don't care. Any flags. If you, if you have to wave a flag, uh, it's the year at latest, uh, 1940 something. Even 1950 on, like that should have been phased out. All flags, right? Like I get it from the

beginning of when you had a castle, you had to have a flag, right? If you get it from the beginning of when you had a castle, you had to have a flag, right? If you're in, you know, if you were a family in Ireland and you needed to, you know, plant roots, you'd be like, hi, we are the, you know, we are the Smiths. We're the old, we're the old Malis up here. And if I don't Mali flag, so you know, when you see us in our spec from far away, you know, so yes, stop here. If you want to be with the allies, you heard we're friendly,

but do not cross us, you know, whatever it is. You got a flag with a pint of Guinness on it, you know? And then, you know, as it got to be the Industrial Revolution, okay, because then it started to matter like, what country you were in, like, oh yeah, yeah, you hear America? America's got the land of opportunity, so you fly the American flag, okay, great.

And there was World War II, So you had to you had to have a flag Right, so everyone knew to shoot you or not But dude, it's 2025 okay Hey, the people who wave the flags are often the people that say everyone's equal if everyone's equal He don't need a flag! Doesn't matter what part group you're in, okay? And I know, I know, I know, I know, dude, I know. There are people who will hear this and be like, Chris Lea is

coming from a place of privilege, and to them I say, eat, you know, eat my dick. I don't care, right? I don't care. It's just everyone's got, everyone wants to feel a part of something, huh? Interesting, they really do. But anyway, there's a lot of flags in Portland, Maine. Mostly the LGBTQ, actually I think they're trying to take the T out of it.

They're trying to take trans out of the LGBTQ now. I think that's what they're trying to do, which is so weird, because it's like they were so part of it and now it's like, now they're not. So it's like, okay, so then were the people that said that is bullshit, were they right all along? I don't know.

And I'm not saying anything about whether or not you believe in that. I don't care. I don't care about that either, but, uh, I'm just saying it's weird how things change willy nilly, huh? With the times, they just change. They just change for no reason. And for every reason. Um, but, uh, so I'm in Portland, Maine. I'm in a coffee shop in Portland, Maine, which is just such a thing. You know, just a, a real coffee shop with good coffee with just people that work there that you'd be like, Oh God, if we ever got stranded on an island,

I would have to eat that person. And they would not even be able to put up a fight. You know, at best I get tangled up in their beard, but no I won't. You know? I'll just instead fucking house them and eat the shit out of them. Right? Oh we're stuck in an island and they'd be like, oh no, what do we do? I, I, I, you know, how do we get, maybe we can, and by the time they're saying that, I'm chomping on their leg. Anyway, I'm there and I'm with Denny,

the guy who comes on who features for me, and I'm with Sam, the camera, my guy who shoots everything. And Denny's like, dude, that's Carlos Mencia. Now, maybe I'm racist. But I go into like, first of all, we're in Portland, Maine, and Denny, I go, well, there's no way Carlos Mencia is just in a coffee shop in Portland, Maine. Okay. And then Denny and I go, Denny's, because sometimes it's, and maybe this means I'm racist. I don Denny's because sometimes it's and maybe this means I'm racist

I don't know but sometimes it's harder for one race to recognize people from another race So in my head, the first thing I think of is oh, it's probably a black guy who just uses it like a Mexican guy You know what I mean, which is so which is maybe racist, but I got to be honest if you if you if you which is maybe racist, but I gotta be honest. If you genuinely stuck to your guns and told me a picture of Jet Li was the guy from Fast and Furious. Lee was the guy from Fast and Furious. I would eventually be like, yeah, maybe it is that guy, right? And I'm just saying, it's not that I'm racist.

It's hard when you are one race and you have to delineate faces from a different race. So that's what I think of right away. And I don't even turn around to look because I know Denny's wrong okay and he's like nah man I really think that's him and I go bro it's Portland Maine I was like the guy from uh um police academy where the the person just like proctor is like, not now. Damn it. Excuse me, Lieutenant, not now. I'm in the middle of something.

And there's like a huge pile of dog shit just getting like, tipped on him and he's just not now I'm in the middle of it. Like the proctor wouldn't just be like, dog shit. Do you know what I'm on him and he's just not now I'm in the middle of it like the like the proctor wouldn't just be like dog shit do you know what I'm even saying and So I finally I'm like alright bro now I can't wait to turn around cuz I can't wait for you to be wrong I Turn around and it's fucking Carlos Mencia And I go holy shit What are you doing here? And he's like hey, man, you know, we talked a little bit

And he's like, yeah, I you know, we talk a little bit. And he's like, yeah, I'm doing the shows over here. And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. Where are you playing? I'm like, here, here, a little conversation. And I go, that's really wild. And we and we were for the rest of like a few more minutes, we were like, you know, how crazy is being a comedian? You just see another comedian. You think you're alone in Portland, Maine, and you see

okay, whatever. So all good. So that happened, right? Did the show. The next day I'm at the airport, okay, in Detroit and just waiting for my flight because I connected. Mark Maron rolls up, okay, and I go and he says, Deleon. I'm like, oh hey, what's going on? And we start talking. Alright cool, chat, chat here and there. Alright, see you on the flight, whatever, you know. His camp goes, my camp, we're in a different one. And then, and then Mark, no, as I'm talking to Mark, he says, oh look, it's Mark Curry. And he points, and Mark Curry's walking up, who's that really, who's a really tall dude. And he's a comedian and he's been around forever.

But and so I'm like, what is crazy? I saw him in CIA. I saw Mark Marin and Mark Curry. This is insane. Like so weird. Then I go, I get on the plane. I sit and my seat is next to Mark, to Mark, to Mark, uh, Marin. And I go, yo, my seat's right there. He says, no, you kidding me? I say, yeah. And, uh, and it was fun. We chatted and whatever. It was great. We were talking about the movies we're watching and you know, we actually talked a bunch, but, um, uh, and we get off the plane. I go, ah, good to see you. Good to talk to you, Sierra. And then I go to baggage claim.

And I'm not bullshitting, dude. Danny looks behind me and he says, hey, man, that looks like Carrot Top. And I say, well, it's not carrot top. And he says, I don't know, man. He says, carrot top buff? And I go, yeah. I look around about 50 feet away.

No, a little more, 50, 60 feet away. No, more, more, more. 80 feet away is a fucking carrot top, okay? At baggage claim. Just standing, dude, with a tank top on. feet away is a fucking carrot top okay at baggage claim just standing dude with a tank top on okay and I go but I said god damn it that is carrot top and here's the thing one thing you know for sure is if you see Carrot Top or not. You know? You don't ever go,

so I should have known when Denny said that, but then again, I did that thing, and I should have given credit for the Carl's Mencia thing. I should have given credit for the, oh, he could tell it was Carl's Mencia. He would definitely be one of those, uh, Carrot Top. But I did not go,

he probably just, it's probably just an old white guy with like crazy hair. I turn around, lo and behold, it's Carrot Top, okay? And then I do this thing. But so I'm sure I see him from 80 feet away, you can tell it's Carrot Top. Like there's no way, it would be like, it would be like, you would be sure if you saw Mickey Mouse.

Oh yeah, you're never like, you'd be sure if you saw Mickey Mouse. Oh yeah. You're, you're never like, you, you'd never be like, is that Mickey Mouse or Paul? You'd be like, no, it's the fucking mouse. He's very recognizable. I mean, his hair was insane, insane. It was up because he was like, obviously from some flight, it looked like he got shot in the back of the head. And,'m like, I'm going to go say hi to fucking Carrot Top. I'm on a roll with these beating comedians out on the road here. So I walk up and I say, hey, bud. And he looks up to me and now I realize, oh shit.

Carrot Top is mega successful. You know, he's a he's He's a killer at what he does. He's got a residency in Vegas. He's very funny. And he is out of the game. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that in the that's the goal way, right? Like Seinfeld's out of the game.

You know, Tim Allen's out of the game. Out of the game, like you're not gonna run into him at fucking dynasty typewriter. You know what I'm talking about? You're not gonna be like, who am I on after at the fucking bourbon room? And they're gonna be like, who am I on after? At the fucking bourbon room. And they're going to be like, oh, yeah, Carrot Top's going to do 20 for no dollars.

And then you're going to go up. You just, he's out of it. So as I'm saying hi to Carrot Top, he looks at me and he says, oh, he says, hey. And I realize, oh shit, not only did we not meet before, he's not gonna even know who I am. Okay?

So he sees me and I go, fuck. Now I gotta say, hey Carrot Top. I can't be like, yo, what's up? Were you on the road too? I gotta be like, oh, hey Carrot Top, I'm actually a comedian. My name is Chris and I just wanted to say hi. So immediate bitch mode, immediate bitch mode to a dude that's worth

like 80 million dollars just wearing a tank top and purple hair now I think he has. Just bitch mode dude. Okay. I went so bitch. So I say hey and he looks at me and say oh hey carrot top hey I'm Chris I'm a comedian and then he says to me, bro this is the most, I'm 45, this is the most 45 I've ever been, okay? And I hate when this happens. I do this sometimes and I, I, if, I tell you what, if there were five things that could change about me, this would be number two. But I can't do it because of my brain. Okay? He looks at me and he says, yeah, we met before. Dude, the kind of fucking asshole that forgets that he met Carrot Top is a specific demonic asshole. And now two things could only be happening.

Either I'm a piece of shit and don't remember meeting the most memorable guy in my profession, or I'm pretending I'm too cool. Cyanide. Shoot me. Okay? So I'm so now I'm like, oh, fuck. Did we? Oh, did we? Oh, yeah. You know what? Maybe we did. Now I'm like backtracking. And he was like, what's up, man? How's it going? Where were you? And we were talking a little bit. And then he's like, I was like, it's so crazy. I ran into this weekend. You know, we all run into each other, but this week has been crazy.

I mentioned all the comics. He says, wow. He said, you met all those guys and now you get to see Carrot Top? And we start laughing. I said, yeah, well, hey, you're the headliner, dude. And now I just gotta go home. And he laughed and it all worked out nicely.

But dude, I hated, I did. I hated myself for that. I, you know, hate is a strong word, but I'm like, dude, I did that with, who else did I do that with? Dax Shepard. When the person is more famous than you, and you do that, you suck.

And I did that. And I did it to Dax Shepard, and I did it to Carrot Top. The two most famous guys in the world, okay? And I'm so mad I did that. I did it to Dax on his podcast, I believe. Anyway, that's a star studded episode, dude. But I don't wanna be, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, dude, I did it to to be oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I hope truly I never do this again.

I was at the Comedy Cellar and Ray Romano was there and they're like, you wanna say hi to Ray? And I was like, oh yeah, I'd love to. They say, oh hey Ray, how's it going? I'm Chris, it's really nice to meet you. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we met. You know what, it must be, it must be I don't, cause I respect the shit out of them. So it must be I have a low opinion of myself. It must be that. It has to be that.

Oh, they're not gonna know me. I never met them. Why would they meet me? It must be that. It must be that. Dude, that is incredible. That's like when, when I went to, this was my favorite and this was the goal. Dude, Larry David, Larry David is the shit. When he was at Laugh Hacker, I was like, I wanna meet Larry David. So I walked up to Larry David and I go, yo, Larry, I think I was with Jamie Masada, but I was like the owner of Laugh Hacker. And I was like, yo, Larry, hey, I just wanted to meet you, man.

I think you're great. And he was like, oh yeah, I said, and then Jamie said, yeah, you're both comedians. And Larry David said, oh yeah, you are? And I was like, dude, that is, I already had like three Netflix specials and dude, when I tell you I wanna get so successful that I fucking don't know anybody is so,

that was when he, I was like, oh, this guy's actually my hero. That's great, to guy's actually my hero. That's great. To not know is so dope. You are out of the game. You are out of the game. Because there's different levels of it, right? When I was coming up, I don't want to talk about all this stuff, but when I was coming up, I was taught, I would, I would, I would, I would, and people comment online, who, um,

and who the hell is this? You know, if I was making fun of something, like, uh, and who are you? You know how they do that to like people? I would, I would go, well, you're the dork for not knowing who I am. I'm cool, you know? Oh, you just exposed how not with it you are. I'm awesome. All right. And that would be how I would feel. You know, I had my parents,

I mean, you feel really good when I was a kid, you know. And that's what it led to. But when Larry David did that, I was like, that's the goal though, the extra goal is to simply, it's not, if you don't know somebody, there's a level of, it's not not cool, it's the coolest because I am just, I just do what I do. And you don't exist.

That is so dope. Interesting. You know, this podcast takes shapes in all different forms. And you know, right now it's the nostalgia coming up, star-studded one, you know? Anyway I saw too many comedians this past week and for not being at comedy clubs is crazy. I saw the movie Juror number two and I saw it because I know it's I knew I I heard it's bad okay and then I watched it this has been happening to me lately I watch it it wasn't

that bad okay and yes it was a little bit by the numbers and a little bit not it should have been more tense, whatever though, you know what I mean? I'm on a plane. There's great plane movies by the way. Gladiator 2, another one, saw it on the plane. It rips on the plane. Denzel Washington has achieved being bad

and 100% watchable in that movie. I mean, he is, he is, well, in Gladiator 2, you know how in Gladiator 2 everyone talks like this, even though it was back, they should be speaking in like Latin or some shit or whatever the fuck, you know. Yes, but they all, instead they all just speak in accents like this, Denzel shows up and he's just like, what's up?

No accent. Didn't do anything except for 100% be Denzel. I'm surprised he didn't get shot in the movie and then go like this. But it's unbelievable how Denzel he is and he's gay in it. I'm pretty sure, right? He plays a gay. Well, they're all gay back then, you know? They're so gay back then.

It wasn't even gay. It was like, uh, partying. It was like, uh, you know, they had a, like totally, you know, I'm talking about before, like there's, like if I had a, a, a, uh, uh, back then, if I had a kingdom or whatever you want to call it, right. And not if I was the king. Yeah, if I was the king. I would have a town homosexual and what he would do is be the guy that everyone had to fuck if their wife couldn't fulfill their duties, you know, this way.

It's like, yeah, you can cheat, but we got to use the town homosexual. So that, that, that, that would be gangster. And I think that they do that still in some tribes nowadays. But really, if you have a town homosexual, the whole town is homosexual. You know what I mean? But because that's just, you're all, you know, all right, all right, I'll do it. Where's my wife?

I'll use the town homosexual. I heard that there was a tribe that does that in the world now and that's just, they're a gay tribe, I guess. But that's fine, that's fine. But yeah, Denzel is just, I mean, it was tremendous. Bad and watchable. That's also the goal, dude. Fuck! It's the goal, the goal. There's so many goals in life. To be at the level where you can be bad and watchable is fantastic. Nicholas Cage

shits on that level. Okay? Al Pacino, Denzel, they shit on that level. They shit on that level. A director comes and is like, I'm gonna really direct the shit out of Al Pacino. And Al Pacino goes, No you're not. Oh, no you're not. And the director goes, Oh, sit down young boy. Let's make my character a man of the cloth.

And he's not even. Hello, clergyman. Just saying shit. And dude, it's just. It's just fantastic. Denzel only act now in things where the character is constantly thinking fuck you to whoever he's talking to. It's great. But but shout out to bad and watchable in there. I just anyway I watch your number two's boring, but it's fine.

It's good. It's, it's fine. It's not bad. Uh, it's just, it's just, it is what it is. You know, Clint Eastwood is just making movies. He does it. What the fuck? He's not, what is he 90, a hundred dude?

It's just at what age I am so grateful that these people still exist. They're out there just still making movies and not giving a fuck. That's the thing. It's like, I wanna do what I want. Why not? Clint Eastwood just makes Gran Torino. What even was that about?

Who saw it? I know it won awards, but you're telling me over 25 people saw it? I know it won awards, but like, you're telling me over 25 people saw that? Gran Torino. Dude, I was on the airplane, and I was coming back, and everyone on the flight goes, oh, and I almost dookied myself and then I looked up and everyone

was watching the Masters. I got mad. I got so mad and nobody apologized to me. Hey dude, if you're watching the Masters on a plane and then you go, Oh! And everyone else goes, Oh! You don't look around afterwards? Period. But then also, notice maybe somebody's watching juror number two and is scared shitless? I thought someone was hijacking us, but really Rory closed it out or whatever the fuck. I mean dude, it scared the living shit out of me. The all-female crew on Blue Origin's NS-31 mission included pop star Katy Perry, journalist Gail King, former NASA rocket scientist Aisha Bo. I thought it was Dochi.

I'm racist, fuck. See, I told you it happens. I thought that was Dochi. Hey, happy birthday to Sophie, love Michael and Maple. Go to holler.baby slash Chris DeLeah if you want to purchase a shout out or mini ad on this podcast. Check out Walk Log, that's W. Al K J

Check out walk jog. That's W. I mean, you know, we're not cutting that out. It's walk jog W a L K J. Oh gee, I'm married duo with dreamy introspective music Their new single fading away is out now follow them on Spotify and Instagram at walk jog band. Walk jog, huh? There's a, go to holler.baby slash Krystalia. Yeah. I saw, oh, I saw this tour. Bro, I,

dude, oh, it's not pulling up. The, that sucks. I can, I can look it up. The man in the arena tour it's not pulling up. That sucks. I can look it up. The man in the arena tour it's called. The man in the arena tour. How about how the man in the arena is a, that's Theodore Roosevelt, right?

Who said that? The man in the arena? I don't know. But him rolling over in his grave about this here. Here it is. Roosevelt once said. Yeah, Theodore Roosevelt. The credit belongs to the man.

This is one of those quotes that everyone fucked up. Hey, it was great! It's like you had to keep it to yourself though. Now, you got guys at the gym going, hey yo, I'm actually the man in the arena and everyone else is just peanuts. And it's like, no, dude,

you just did fucking lat pulldowns one day only look at this new commercials for man in the arena tour look and feel like a movie trailer this says it's gonna be in Salt Lake City Utah I'm gonna go to that one Dan Dan Fleischman, Operation Blackside. You're invited. Look, they just used Theodore Roosevelt. Theodore Roosevelt literally in his coffin right now like, mmm, mmm, motherfucker! If I can get out of here!

If I could get out of here. I'm haunting people, dude. When I get dead, I'm haunting the shit out of people. Not how I meant it. That's me. You're misunderstanding the podcast. That's me, dude. You watching the fucking podcast. Wrong!

Or my standup. It's actually much different than the classic George Carlin bed. It's the same maybe it's it's it's the same. What do you call it? Theme Hall, but it's completely different don't be so pea-brained not how i meant it dude just the autistic ghost people just like just people like the other the other ghosts are like I'm gonna go get the guy Who's fucking my wife now, and I'm gonna possess him so I could I can live out like the old days not me

I'm going to make sure everybody's watching my podcast correctly. I Wish I unloved. I wish I up. I wish I threw away I wish I got rid of the page and now all those things are uploaded still and I can't- I can't get them off because I'm a ghost. Ooh I wish I disabled my YouTube page, ooh You're using- You're using Kudurong using kudorong. I created subitch not Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber misspoke once on a late night TV show and it sounded like he said it and then everyone gave credit to him. But It's not so so bitch it's a bitch okay anyway

But yeah, I'm haunting motherfuckers Boo The great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause. Dude, how about old audio? You know, like when, dude, the fact that you, that you can hear your like, uh, account manager from, from fucking, uh, Chase Bank every week on his goddamn podcast, Crystal Clear, talking about, you know, world issues. But Theodore Roosevelt is, but that's what back in the Reno and East sites, I ask not of you and your country, is what you small stuff.

And the bacon and eggs. Did he say bacon and eggs? You know, old audio, fuck that. They must be so mad they lived then. Because now they're just immortalized, like, you know what I mean? Like, honestly, toddlers, if they weren't for the man in the room, you know, picking an X, did you say bacon and eggs?

No, it's just the audio dude. Anyway, I'm trying to listen to my fucking branch manager at Chase Banks podcast. I can hear it crystal clear, it's got good audio. My, you know, and it's like, Jesus, dude, the greatest orator of all time. One time I asked chat GPT if I was, who is more influential, Martin Luther King Jr. or Chris'Lea and dude chat GPT shit on me so hard and then I said okay fine but who can work a room better chat GPT shit on me so hard and I said take civil rights out of it who do you think's

more influential and they still shit on your boy so hard. I said, what about when it comes to laugh? I, you know what, I should have actually asked that. I don't know if I asked, what about when it comes to laughs? Whatever, dude. But I'm just saying. I want a drink. You know?

And your cousin has a podcast about pizza that comes out every week and it's crystal clear. Sounds like he's in your head. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, with a fucking mic she's holding like this shit, you know? And the fact that you gotta hear, a-ha-d-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r- sucks that Martin Luther King Jr. was back then and some lady putting a ping-pong ball in her pussy, we have to hear her every week crystal clear. Judge not by the color of the... So what I did the other day was, um, I fucked nine guys. Not by the color of my skin.

I just ate like a whole pizza. I was freaking hilarious. Anyway, we're brought to you by Helix mattress. You get 20% off your mattresses and fucking Martin Luther King Jr. had to get fucking buffed in the head. Crazy dude. Just nuts. We all went out the other night and it was fucking crazy.

Oh my God. And we met up with Brent and, and fucking JFK got his wig pushed back. Life's fair? No, dude. But you know, it is, it is what it is though. You know what? It's also how you feel about it too. You know, God, you can poison yourself all day by just sitting and thinking.

Or you could just operate from gratitude and have a great day. Bro, I was in my head getting all pissed off. I had crazy stupid dreams last night, bad ones, not nightmares, but just ones that made me feel uncomfortable like about life, you know, ran into some of my enemies and, you know, give them a mouthful and then feel bad about it.

And then I woke up and I was like, what am I doing? And then I was thinking about that all day and then I'm sitting there and I'm realizing as I'm thinking about this, my son is talking to me about his toy automaton and I click in and I'm like, and he's like, isn't that crazy that the notes do like this and that? And sometimes when they have faces, when the automaton is black the eyes are white and when the automaton is white the eyes are black and then to make a girl automaton they put hair on it and I'm just like I'm missing it dude I'm I'm missing it I'm thinking of my enemies when my son is talking.

It's not good and it's okay, you know, we're gonna have good days and bad days, but by God, if my son is telling me about his toy, I need to stop thinking about my enemies. First of all, don't even have enemies. Whoops, fucked that up. Got some enemies. Okay? But I'm just like in that world of like, that's how I was wronged and then this slighted and then why was that person rude

to me earlier and then, and my son is just being the reason. Right? I'm just all cooped up in my own bullshit thinking about things that first of all don't matter and second of all already happened while I'm sitting next to the reason. Do you know what I mean? doing and we all do that we all do that Our fucking workday and this and that and go home you bitch to your wife

You take it out on your kids or whatever the fuck it is and you're taking it out on The reason you're bitching at the reason. You're bitching at the reason, dude. That is so crazy that we will do that. I learned a lot watching The Penguin. I just finished it and I'm like, dude, he's a monster, but he chose to be, right? He didn't have to actually do all those things. Yes, it was hard growing up, but he came from a place where he felt like he wasn't given his due because his kids or his brothers were getting more attention than he was. So he let his brothers die and the mom knew all along that that's what happened even though the penguin thought,

I got away with it. That whole thing is cancer. One could have just not done that, had a beautiful life, not run with a bunch of crime criminals, and had a family. OK. Well, I'm not the penguin. Sometimes when I'm on the couch in my head, after I have weird dreams, I'm a little bit the penguin, but I have to remember I'm not the penguin. It all means so much, dude.

I hope, honestly, I don't have to haunt you while you're watching this fucking podcast. I hope you just get it. fucking podcast. I hope you just get it. I forgot I was talking about this fucking man in the arena tour. Who at best if he wins. Created to serve businessmen, married men, modern men. What if one day, it says, held the power to transform your business, your marriage, your children, your health, your leadership, your legacy, your life, it says, joined by world leading men's movements. So that his place shall never be. With those cold and timid souls, who know neither victory nor defeat.

You know, it is pretty crazy because... Uh... It'd be funny, by the way, if they couldn't sell out arenas. Uh, but the, the, the whole thing is, um, it is kind of, it is, it is, you know, as much as God people are going to eat this shit up, right? I mean, there'll be a lot of fun. This is the one of those things. There'll be a lot of making fun of it on the internet. But honestly, it will go,

it will go ham on people's lives. They'll be there just like fucking changing and shit. Just fucking straight up changing. Yeah. I'll do a tight five in front of those guys. Oh man. There's still the jaw rule 50 cent feud. There's an update.

This shit's been going on for longer than two decades. Ja Rule had a lot to say about 50 Cent. This is from Complex this weekend, but not limited to suck my dick and I already ate your lunch, s'bully. At one point on Sunday, as we've generously included below via an assortment of screenshots, let's just look at the screenshots. Oh, he tweeted.

Bro, tweeting is like, what? Oh, you have fingers? That's all you're saying? I have fingers. Wow, he said, suck my D, you bitch ass ass and I already ate your lunch shut up some bully Then somebody said 50 angle and let this slide. He said he got shot nine times and did nothing stop glazing this clown Wow

Wow Then he wrote 50 cent until you do something to the N that shot you, you can't troll no more. Handle your business chump LMAO. Wow. Oh, there's a lot more. I did not realize that there's a lot more. Hold on, hold on.

Oh wow, this started, okay. that there's a lot more. Hold on, hold on. Oh wow, this started, okay. Oh. What the fuck? So I guess, Ja Rule said, God, it's amazing to see Ja Rule tweet something

and then you just have 19 likes. All right, say I'm lying, I dare you. He said he had to talk Yayo out of telling you can't make this shit up. I guess he's mad about something he did. And then he put a picture of it. Somebody said post the paperwork. It's been over a decade. And he said, he ended Murder Inc, which was Ja Rule's company.

And he said, you're right. He told the feds Murder Inc had him shot and they put us under federal indictment. What the fuck yeah this is uh this is weird I don't like just Twitter is fucking it to put like dude handle your business dude nobody knows if anything's real or fake anymore, so just deal with it personally. Can't we go back to where somebody,

like remember Tupac and Biggie, dude? Come on, man, Tupac and Biggie ran so Ja Rule could fly? I don't think so. I'm Hey, how you doing today? Telling yes, sir. What's your name? Where you from? Ye from the world. Yeah, the world is definitely the house. Stop playing with them. Yes, sir. Just try to fit right quick You hear me? said nothing

Ring it. Jesus. See everything, man. Chrome to the dome. Both of these guys, dude. I know Yeet is wildly popular and I don't know his music, but

that's on me because I know he's good and hot and killing it. and I'm out of the thing. I'm not like saying oh hey this I'm what I'm saying is I don't know this and I should but what I am saying is both of these guys are saying nothing. How come rappers they have you ever heard, like rappers in interviews, the only person worse at interviews is Robert De Niro. It's just like, hey, rappers, you talk so much on your songs. What the fuck are you talking about when you're sitting on a couch?

What the fuck are you talking about when you're sitting on a couch? De Niro gives a more De Niro during an interview. So De Niro, how you feel? Does De Niro during an interview? Yeah, yeah, man. That's fun. Fun. He's basically Yeet. Balenciaga.

You see the shades, everything. If you give anybody a styling tip, what would it be? The extraterrestrial. Oh, okay, okay. And phenomenal. Damn. Talk your talk. Who? I mean, the two guys, dude. No. Do you rather have a partner with style or funds?

I love everything. Damn. Oh, it's political, dude, even when it comes to funds or style. Oh, okay, okay. What's your favorite style? I like the one with the big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big's political, dude, even when it comes to funds or style. Okay, okay. What's your favorite song right now? Every song. Politic!

And the guy goes, damn. Okay, okay. What's your favorite meal? Every meal. Oh my, now it's a thing. This is, by the way the way this is honestly I would do this with Calvin and it would be you know he would think it was so fun and I would be like this is beautiful but like it's like not my thing and these two grown adults are just doing it. Oh dude I actually like this.

These guys. That's great, dude. These guys are great. I really like them. Wow. They really flipped me on the end. The ending was the thing that really flipped me. Thank you.

These are the guys that did the... Oh, yeah. These guys always get some fucking interviews. Who is this guy? Who's the guy? The People Gallery. Who? How'd they find these motherfuckers, you know? Rihanna and Willem Dafoe. Giancarlo Esposito, remember this one? What's your name and where you from? Wait, hold on. Let's watch the Rihanna one. Hey, how you doing? We already watched that one Damn wait, what happened? I want to see. Oh, here it is. Hey, how you doing today? Hi, I'm very, very good.

Very, very proud. What's your name and where you from? My name is Robyn Anna Fenty. I'm from Barbados. Barbados is in the house. Yes, currently residing in the US. Beijing queen. Immigrant gang, let's go.

Let's go. We should describe it today. I am wearing a little bit of the art collection that just previewed. Thank you. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. we see a fit describe it today i am wearing a little bit of the art collection that just previewed damn okay okay everything we see everything absolutely we see the accessories jeez okay mom okay check it out check it out these are all borrowed i have to give these back late in So good. So good. Okay. You give anybody a styling tip. What would it be? I would say Where what works for your body? Uh-huh where what is authentic to your attitude?

Damn this is cool. A lot of people Don't get the opportunity to dive into who you are spend enough time with you to figure out who you are She's smart. We get it! Riri, dude! She's very eloquent! Uh, she knew what, she knows what's up, dude, Riri. She knew what, she knows what's up, dude. Riri. Wow. Too bad she's part of the Illuminati. But I, anyway, if I, just kidding.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, everyone thinks that everybody's part of the Illuminati. Fucking wish I was in the Illuminati, dude. Swear to God. I would do anything to be in the Illuminati. Swear to God I Would do anything to be in the Illuminati Goats dead sheep bludgeoned don't care in the Illuminati now What do I get to do jizz daily?

great Never worry about money. Okay Birds beheaded. I mean whatever you want to do, dude I Birds beheaded. I'm in whatever you want to do dude I would never look at the illuminati and be like illuminat me. No sign me up I'm 100 in dude fucking uh lambs Hairy carried Harry carried. Put it in his fucking hoof. Make him do it. Otherwise it's not a real Harry carry. Put it in his hoof and get the tape. Get duct tape. Put it on. Put the knife on the hoof and then just fucking operate the

hoof manually from up near his shoulder blade. I know they don't have shoulders but you know what I'm saying. Up there. There we go, that's Harry Carrey, good. Now, do I get to Jizz Daily? How much money do I get now that I'm in the Illuminati? I mean, I got invited to one of those sex parties once. I mean, this was, dude, this was, I was seeing this chick, I'm barely seeing her but and she wanted she was like, will you come will you come with

me to one of those parties? And I was like, what are you talking about? And she was like, the parties where the everyone fucks each other. I was like, yo, those exist for real? Like I was like 32 maybe, I don't know. And she was like, yeah, I go. And I was like, get out. She's like, yeah, I go with people. Sometimes I go with people who are like well known

so you don't have to worry about it. I was like, what do you mean? And they're like, well, you could wear a mask. And I'm like, yeah, I still look like a bird. I'll still be, it'll still be, hey look it's Krystalia with a mask on. Hey it's the guy from NBC with the dick nose face thing. And I was like, I don't know, I don't think so. And we saw her like twice, but she was definitely into one of those. Mim-le-le-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye-um-nye Lalalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalalala, lalal no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So yeah, I don't know man all I'm saying is

It's hot One more thing this this lovely couple has ordered $137 which we order all the time through all the time for the 45 minutes they've been here and they are refusing to pay oh man this guy's face is going to be so red at the end of this we're using to pay? we said we didn't get the pork chops that is on there. Call the police up here. No, go ahead. Yeah.

Go ahead. We never said we wouldn't get money. Oh, our money's gone. I want everybody here to hear. My husband is a disabled veteran. He works a job as well. We got plenty of money. We're not refusing to pay.

Listen, no, listen. We said we are refusing to pay for the pork chops we never got. This is what I want from y'all. I will not be bullied in my own restaurant i want y'all to walk out the door and don't ever come in this restaurant again oh we won't we wasn't planning thank you yes sir thank you we're just asking what we did not get to be taking out the bill that's all the pork chops we didn't receive that's what i was asking you to take off

get to be taking out the bill that's all. The pork chops we didn't receive that's what I was asking you to take off. It's like anything else that you don't receive you wouldn't pay for that. When they were fried hard when she bought them out they were fried hard she said do you want something else in the place he said what yeah give her the steak and she took the pork chops back and that's all we're asking for. You saw the guy's face. Ah, you know, don't publicly shame. You better be 100% certain. Wow. Well, he'll probably, well, you know what? I feel bad for everybody involved always.

So go crunk yourself. That's too bad. Okay, go get tickets. I'll be in everywhere. Cristalia.com, I'm gonna be a move. I'm gonna be a Florida St. Louis. I booked that, I got Denver coming up. So go check out my tour.

I'm loving it. I'm having a good time. So and join the Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris Lea. Appreciate you guys. Congratulations! Congratulations!