Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 446. You're Me

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 Watch GROW OR DIE on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. In this week's episode Chris is fired up about Sxts'n'Gigs, the British podcast that is straight up ripping him off. Plus terrible music, PT Cruisers, Sky Captains, and please, hold the umbrella. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RUNK! HAHAHAHA! OK, what's up guys? Hello, hello, it is Congratulations episode, what is it? Episode 446 times. I hope it's just that many times. It's okay though.

I'll keep going. You keep times. It's okay though. I'll keep going, you keep listening. Dude, actually, let me start by talking about this because I've talked about this before and it's just been more and more, which is absolutely nuts. This Shits and Gigs podcast is insane. How much they've ripped us off. It's just crazy, dude.

It's actually crazy. Um, I've done this podcast for eight years. I don't know. And, um, these guys came along a few years ago and just started talking about wanting to build a log cabin and having a cult, and they call their fans babies, and the guy's known as Daddy, and I've done all that stuff for years,

and I kind of like, once they started doing it, I kind of like backed off of it, because I was like, ah, that's corny then now. I don't want to do it if they're going to do it. And then I'm like, and then, so I kind of talked about it a little bit on my podcast. And you know, that, that podcast is really successful. And you know, they, they do their thing over in Europe.

Maybe they think that like, cause it's in Europe that they can just use my stuff. But, but I saw it yesterday or two days ago. I don't know, one of these days, that they're just, they're selling merch and from, they're selling my merch basically, which is so weird first of all, because I didn't, you know, I had a problem with it,

but I don't, I'm like, whatever dude, who cares? You know, I always look at it as like, look, if I influence them, you know, I had a problem with it, but I don't, I'm like, whatever dude, who cares? You know, I always look at it as like, look, if I influence them, then okay. But it's so weird that they don't, they don't like mention me, they don't follow me. It's like, that's almost like, when I saw they didn't follow me, I'm like, oh, they're like trying to not,

they're trying to distance themselves, you know what I'm saying? It just rubbed me the wrong way. But I was still like, whatever. And then when I saw them selling the merch, I'm like, dude, these motherfuckers are actually making money off of me. That's corny, dude. That's corny. And I was thinking of, you know what, I don't want to judge them because I don't know them. And they seem like good guys. And I was thinking about it the more and more I'm like Well, then then who's who's a dickhead, you know?

Who's a dick if you're if like I often fall back to the well, I don't know everyone's story Maybe they look maybe they you know Maybe they I don't know. I mean it's such an egregious rip that it's so crazy. I mean, they started an extra Patreon podcast called The Log Cabin. They're making money off that. And they're like, hey babies, this is a cult. I mean, dude, it's embarrassing.

It's embarrassing. And it's so egregious and they're making stacks, which is crazy, dude. And I guess people in Britain are just like, I don't know what it is over there in America, but I came up with it. And it's like, dude, hey, you're welcome. You're welcome for the bags. So I actually am saying this from now on.

I'm not shying away from that. This is the log cabin and this is a cult and we will be sharing ideas in the tall grass all dressed in white linen. Dude, they have a podcast where they wear white linen, dude. I mean, I think because they told me, I said they're not gonna get colder. Out of fucking control.

Hey, dude, no, dude, you will not be the babies. You will not be a build a log cabin. You will not wear white. Okay. And one thing's for certain. For imprint. For certain. Dude, you won't.

Because that's ours. And we will battle, we will battle, we will battle not with swords, not with guns, just with pretty much complaining. And that's what we do best as the babies. You, you, this is crazy, I understand it's funny and I'm like, it's just, you know, I'm being funny, but it's also fucked up. It's like, who's a dick? Cause you know, the whole thing of, the whole thing of, well, if you knew everyone's story,

you wouldn't think that they were a piece of shit. Yeah, okay. And then though, they made merch. Okay? My whole thing is, all right, you get a pass until you make merch about it, right? Like, period. You get a pass until you make clothes

that you sell for money, okay? Or like a koozie, you know? Like, okay, just take this for instance, and this is awful. Let's take something that is absolutely across the board awful. The Holocaust. Terrible. Absolutely terrible.

Pretty much anyone that thought that that was okay was, you know, under Hitler rule, right? And those guys got wiped out for good reason. It was a bad, bad, bad thing. They tried to commit a genocide, okay? Now that's horrible. Now picture them selling shirts and koozies saying it with those sayings. That's worse.

So dude, it's egregious. And you know, it's, I guess I wanna say stop. You're not going to because you know, what's it matter? Cause you're all over there just like, what's it matter mate? Right, why over there just like, oh, what's it matter, mate? Right? Oh, whatever, I will just do the 02 Arena, even though this is crystal-y as stuff. Hello, London, what are you doing out there?

Hello, everybody! Welcome to the log cabin and the sh... Welcome to the log cabin that we are building, it was our idea. Yes. Oh you dressed in white. Dude you're doing me worse period. Fuck yeah dude. Hell yeah dude. For imprint for certain. Dude! Whoa! Dude, I see that stuff and I get down. I get sad a little bit and a day goes by and then I realize I'm the fucking man! Dude, I...

Hello everybody! Welcome to the cult that we thought of! We are a podcast with a cult, We built a log cabin and we have fucking why and I'm daddy and we're calling you babies and I'm my own up. Dude, and you can buy a t shirt of it. No, that's the line, dude. That's the line. You LINE! You got koozies? Cross the line. You got shirts? Cross the line. You got socks? You cross the line. You got a patreon? You cross the line! That's it. That's that's

Dude, so here's the thing babies, okay? Find these motherfuckers, let them know. This is ridiculous, go on their Instagram, go on their thing, tweet it, it's crazy, it's crazy. At least make them feel something, because this is so nuts, dude. And also here, here's the other thing too, I'm a guy who doesn't hold grudges, but they haven't said shit to me, dude

Um Basically what I'm saying is where's my fucking money dude? Yeah, dude Where's my fucking month, do you know what it's like dude? Have you said thank you once? No that's what it's like. Have you said thank you once? When you get that shipment of go to crystallia.com and get the first real version of the cult merch dude okay don't get all that fuck first of all even oh god dude dude I have a tattoo of a fucking log cabin because of this podcast because I'm yo have you said thank you once where you living in my arm motherfucker this, motherfucker! This where you are!

This where you are! You're me, dude! You're me! Have you said thank you once? Oh, what's going on? It's pretty meaty in here! Oh shit! We're literally in Krystalia's bicep!

What the hell? Corny ass motherfuckers corny corny Corny dude fuck yeah, crystal. Ea said it files done, dude So anyway, what else is going on out there? You know? Uh... Yeah, I... Oh, wow. And they also use gang gang too, which is Theo's.

They put it on their... Like, what the fuck? Pretty soon they're just gonna make, uh, what do you call it? Uh, merch that says, life rips. They're gonna be like, oh, I came up with something, life rips. Yeah, well, life rip turtlenecks for us because it's rain life rips Umbrellas because it's always raining in London. So that's cool Fuck now So anyway

The for imprint for certain key was added, which is fucking unbelievably amazing. So yeah, I was at the it's Memorial Day here, speaking of which is like America, you know what I mean? America, we went to a memorial Memorial Day. Dude, Kristen will be like, let's go to a Memorial Day parade. And I'm like, all right. And then we go and it's just not a parade. Like it's just sitting in a park watching 200 old men sing. Oops. Thanks for, hey dude, honestly, thanks for everything you did for our country. And at this park, no thank you.

Oops. Can you just, can we just meet you and be like, hi, thank you so much for your service? Because I say that. I'm nice. I walk up, I say, thank you for your service. Thank you. I appreciate you.

If I see an old man sitting down or you know what I mean, like with a hat on, with gold tassels and shit, hi, sir, thank you for your service. Because you better not be wearing those hats with gold tassels if you haven't shot people, right? Decades ago, okay? So, you know, if you're part of the Navy or the Marines or whatever, dude, great. But then it's like singing, you know?

It's hilarious, bro. It always goes back to singing. I don't, that's the thing that is probably top 10 annoying. You know, I'm not gonna talk shit about, I always talk shit about music. But like, whatever. I just, so we went and just people out there just celebrating.

And you know, Memorial Day is a very nice idea, right? And just people out there just celebrating. And Memorial Day is a very nice idea, right? It's very American. It's very for our fallen heroes and all that. This is a joking podcast, but I obviously feel that. So I should say that just so the clowns out there won't be like, oh, you're making fun of America. Yeah, I'm making fun of America

just like I'm making fun of everything, everything ever. Okay. I hate when people get like, Oh, well, you know, you, yeah, that's not, no, that's not funny. It's like, dude, it's not funny to you because it touched on you. Right. You were laughing when I was talking about people in London, right? And beans and a tomato for breakfast. Were you not? Yeah, you are. and beans and a tomato for breakfast, will you not? Yeah, you are.

So anyway, we were there doing it, and Kristen said it was a parade, she said planes, fighter jets were gonna fly overhead. We just went to a park and watched a bunch of old men dress alike, singing, and there were no planes. So I don't know what the deal is with her brain, right? But that's what happened. And we were just sitting like near the graves of, it was in a, like near a crematorium or a, you know,

cemetery, the crematorium and cemetery. There were, you know, there was a, not just a one-stop shop, it literally could do, well, no, yeah, a one-stop shop, I guess you could say. Hey, come on, get your... Burn your bodies here and just bury them all right here. Here we go. It's a 123 stop shop.

But it's so one stop shop for all. I guess that's what it's called. One stop shop. I don't know why I'm not understanding what that is. But anyway, so we went there and Billy, I do. Here's something I really got a brag about. I got fucking good kids. Dude, you know what they did? They sat there and watched the old men singing.

And then there was a dog there and they pet the dog. And that's all they did. They didn't act up. They were sitting on the grass and I just go, God damn, dude. I mean, we really put it down. As parents, I know there were other good kids there, I'm not trying to say, you know.

But you know kids, just throwing tantrums and shit. And so we were there and then we left. And when we left, I was like, Billy, you gotta hold my hand. And he was like, no, no, no. He kept going, no, no, no. And I'm like, buddy, we're walking in a parking lot. Like, there's cars. He was like, no, no, no. And I'm like, buddy, we're walking in a parking lot. Like there's cars. He was like, no, no, no.

And then one of the guys walked by and he said, ah, he's stubborn. And I said, oh yeah. He said, just like me. I said, oh yeah? He said, yeah. Ah, the Marines beat the shit, beat that, fucking beat that out of me a long time ago.

I go, oh yeah. And he's like, yup. My father too. I'm like, oh, okay. Are you having a flashback? Duck! He just grabs me. And then, and then I said, oh wow, that's, that's crazy. He said, anyway, have a good day. He said, thank you so much for coming. And I was like, dude, thanks for your service. And he said, cool. And Billy was still, no, no. said, cool. And Billy was still no, no. Yeah, but I mean, that's just what man, you know what? God bless. Like if you were in it sucks, we have to have war. You know, it really does. It really, really fucking sucks. Right.

And it's either about religion or land usually, you know, like hey dude you're either like hey the Almighty is this guy and they and then the other side is like no it's not and you do that long enough to where you get pissed off and then start killing each other or you go hey dude dude, move over. And they go, this is my spot. And that goes on for a few years until somebody brings out a bayonet, you know? And then a war starts. And honestly, I get it.

I get it, it sucks, but I get it, right? Because how mad do you get when you're on an airplane and somebody's using the armrest and not just that, but for too long, you go, all right, buddy. Okay, bud. It's my turn, huh? And he goes, just, you know, the fat fuck just sitting there. And you go, I guess I'm just, cause I'm skinnier.

I can just, okay, I won't use it. You know what I'll do? I'll sit like a bitch the whole time. Okay. And that armrest is Gaza, you know? And, and, and, and, but, but in a much smaller, right? But you go, you go, you know, how, the flight six hours. It's not four trillion years, right?

Cause if you're a hundred years go by, you go, you're sitting in that thing, you go, hey, hey, how long until you go, hey bud, the armrest is for me. Fucko. And then you go, what? You don't have to be such a dick about it. You'd be like, well, you've been using it the whole time. Yeah, but okay, you could have said something.

Well, no. But anyway, well, now that I'm used to it, this is my area. Oh, yeah? Well, but I want it. Hhing! Hngh! Hngh! Ooh!

That's how wars start. It's a plane ride, but for hundreds of years. You know? And anyway, that's for certain. So it's, they should pay me honestly. But it is what it is. So yeah, dude, that's that was fun. It was cool to be in the moment. Then we want to go eat and and oh no, wait, you know what's that was fun. It was cool to be in the more than one to go eat and And oh no, wait, you know, it was funny. We were walking We were walking down the street

To get to our car past graves and I always feel shitty for like I have looked I haven't been in many graveyards yet And But that you know when my enemies die, I'll go weekly but I'll just go weekly and just take up smoking and only smoke there and just fucking laugh. But, like, not even in, like, a shitty way, and just a life's crazy way, right? Fucking my enemies better show up in my grave, for real. But that's all I fucking ask.

Yeah, my family will go, but I ask for my grave for real. But that's all I fuck. That's all I fucking ask. Yeah, my family will go but I ask for my enemies to come. You know what I'm saying? And like also people like Burke Chrysler. I just show just show the fuck up, go, okay? Fuck you. I'll... Ah. But, um... My point is, we were at the grave. I always feel bad for the people on the edge. Although that's probably what I would want if I was dead, you know? It would suck to be in the middle unless...

Well, you're dead, it doesn't matter. But the people on the edge, like right near the curb, those are the people that are... That kind of, I always feel kind of bad for them, even though they're dead. You know, they're in there just like this, but like near the curb. Cars driving by, a RAV4 is parked next to you,

for eternity, and you're just... And you've been there for fucking however many years, and every now and then, a goddamn RAV4 parks next to you. eternity. And you're just, and you've been there for fucking however many years and every now and then a goddamn RAV4 parks next to you. Imagine that. Every now and then, every now and then a stupid fucking Dodge Charger just parks right next to you. Oh, whoa, whoa.

And the guy gets out, you know? And that's's you and you can't do shit about it. This is you. God damn it. Or one of those PT cruisers even worse, right? Because it happened. You've been dead for a long time. Nobody has those cars anymore, but they did. My dad rented a PT cruiser once and I was like Jesus

Dad what he was like, I don't know. I thought it was kind of cool and I go, okay, it's not Everything is a bad about that car Okay Cruiser the name cruiser is bad PT like you you fucking abbreviating it like I like I like I give a shit the physical therapy cruiser Because you're gonna need physical therapy because it's so uncomfortable when you're in there What the fuck was that car broke? Hey congrats to them though. They really went out on a limb. That's like the dog the land of tomorrow Car that they just like you know what they might buy this that movie with Jude Law's coming out. What was that fucking movie?

The movie with Jude Law's coming out. What was that fucking movie, dude? Gotta look it up. Gotta look it up. Gotta look it up. Jude Law, Law movie, Tomorrow I think was in it. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Ha ha ha! Dude! That is the worst movie!

And you know it without seeing it. Right? If that movie, that movie gave birth, that movie walked so the PT Cruiser could drive. Ha ha ha! Fuck yeah, dude. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Ah, dude. Sky captain in the world of tomorrow. Car. Dude, with with what's his name? What's her name was in it? Angelina Jolie and Jude Law with their fucking Pete with her PT PT Cruz Ram movie. You know fucking PT Cruz.

Dude one time I told my daddy had a watch that was like anytime a watch isn't round you got a fucking Skycaptain and the world of tomorrow at timepiece. Dude and I would tell that shit to my daddy when he had like a fucking Curvy watch and I'd be like, what are you, Sky Captain of the World of Tomorrow, bro? And me and my friend laughed so hard, dude. I don't, honestly, dude, he got roasted and toasted right there. And that's so, and dude, I'll never forget that, man. And here's the thing about that.

I didn't know it was going to happen. And then I said it, he laughed, we laughed, bro. And then I never forgot it. And I think about it all the time. So fucking thanks me. Dude, hear me, thank you. I gave myself a gift. And now it's a memory, it's beautiful.

And I will always think of the sky captain in the world of tomorrow when I fucking see a PT Cruiser drive by. Dude, my dad in the PT Cruiser with that fucking curvy watch. Are you kidding me? Just on the hunt looking for Angelina Jolie. You know what that that movie? That movie

Sky captain god what a what a what a what a kucky name sky captain and dude sky captain wow the fucking balls of that person who wrote the obviously wrote the book about because there is no fucking way that that was not a stupid book first ah I said dude. There's no way that wasn't a stupid fucking book first. I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to actually go out on a limb here that is, cause this is probably wrong, but I've got this feeling that a woman wrote it.

Let's check. I don't mean to be shitty but but but uh writer. Oh well directed by directed. I don't want to care who's who wrote. Carrie that's the director. Book. Book. Oh it was the guy wrote it and shot the movie, dude. And it was named Carrie. That's a woman name kind of. So I was half right.

Dude, it's... What the fuck? Laurence Olivier was in it? No. What are they saying? Anyway, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Uh... You know, just that name. Dude, the the the the pretense of that fucking title, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, dude,

are you are you the guy who has the, and I don't say this word, but chutzpah to write that, okay? To write that and be like, I know what I'll call it. How about this? You guys sitting down? Sky, I am too, on my balls because they're so big, okay? I'm sitting on my balls like Jennifer Connelly when they get stuck in that fucking warehouse

in that movie and they're bouncing on those big, big ball things. That's how big my balls are. Let me sit on them and you sit on chairs because you have tiny balls. And this is what I'm calling, my balls are, let me sit on them. And you sit on chairs, cause you have tiny balls. And this is what I'm calling, this is what I'm calling this rat fuck book, okay?

Check this out. Sky captain and the world of tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And then all the women in the room go... Uh-uh. And a guy comes out and passes out towels. Because you gotta have balls of monstrosity. They should have honestly just called that movie Balls of Monstrosity. Have you seen... Balls of Monstrosity 2, please, for the matinee of Balls of Monstrosity?

Why'd they call it this? Oh, well, the movie, the director and the writer is the guy who wrote the story, and then also he directed it. So it's just one guy. So his balls are obviously the size of the world. So, uh, he sat on them when he told everyone the title, and then all the women got so wet that they had orgasms. And then he had a guy hand out towels in the fucking anyway. So this is what it is.

You guys all sitting? Sky captain in the world of tomorrow. Ah, ah, ah, ah. And then the gay guy, ooh. Ooh, I need one too. What did the towel guy? What is this about even? Could you imagine being that guy,

Cary Conran, Conran the director and writer and shit, and then just like randomly coming across this clip in my podcast? Like that's what the internet is now, you know? That fucking sucks. Like, I, that sucks that Kerry Conrad now for sure has to see this, because there's no way this is gonna exist and nobody's gonna send it to him.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dude! Oh shit! That sucks. Sorry. But this is the internet, you know? Ah, I'm gonna make merch that says shits and giggles. I am.

That's my merch. Hey guys, shits and giggles. Shout out to Rob Hey for the congratulations. DB. What's DB stand for? Database. DB dot. Congratulations pod.com. You can, if you're a fan of this show, you can literally go to this website and just. Anytime I talked about anything, type it in and it'll come up. Rob Hey did it. It's amazing. It's amazing. Shout out to him. And yeah, so anyway, anyway, dude. Dude, what about this though?

This is the thing that I really wanna understand. Oh, fuck, that's my vintage. It's okay, Eric, go ahead. This is something that was on the internet a year ago and I never heard of this, okay? Cause I was thinking of that Laurel, Llamy thing. Remember that thing where you could hear Laurel, or you could literally just switch your ears and hear Llamy,

where it's like, come on, God. And this one is either he says Barbie and also at the same time, fuck. Hey, Mattel, sup. Hey Mattel, fix it. Dude, Ken just says, fuck. You know? Hey Mattel, sup.

Dude. Like. The drums. Oh, fuck. That's what made it. That's what, dude? You decide what you hear. That's a choose your own adventure for hearing?

Now I get it. Now I get why I get in arguments with my wife sometimes. Now I get it, dude. She why I get in arguments with my wife sometimes. Now I get it, dude. She's got one of these choose your own, if this shit happens, all husbands, all wives, they're in the clear. Oh, you said, no, dude, what do you mean? No, I didn't.

Oh, well, oh, remember there's this thing where you could hear Barbie or fuck? Oh yeah, well, we're off the hook all good anyway dude that is a dope jingle fuck that company you know you do nothing um I bet the people at for imprint are somebody over there's got to listen to this podcast and she they're just like, thank God he's saying it, we do nothing. Thank God somebody finally said it, all we do is take fucking companies and put them on shirts.

Dude, this life is a joke. You get kicked in the nuts or the cuntunt, and then you get fucking roughhoused in an alley and thrown down the stairs! They make merch! You're a stupid bitch one day! Yeah. You got fucking tickets for texting and driving even though you was at a stoplight. The cop was a dick. But I got fucking four tickets, dude. Man, I moved to I moved an hour out of LA,

and I just got tickets for texting and driving. It is just crazy. Do I get pulled over sometimes? Only sometimes do they say, oh, dude, you're Chris Leigh, I'm a big fan. Never mind. And dude, sometimes they just go, I feel like they're like, fuck this guy.

I don't like his comedy. Or they give me a ticket just because I was texting and drive texting and driving which is which is alright dude fine you know I get it you shouldn't be texting and driving yes you should not be texting and driving I let you go and do it you should not anyway, dude, like, you know, Ken said, fuck. That's crazy. That is really crazy. Our ears be tripping. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. That is really crazy. Our ears be tripping. Oh, if you are so locked in, you forgot how to be a human, this books for you from a human doing a human being pre-launch print only books dot buy slash Robert go to holler dot baby slash crystal. If you want to purchase a shout out on this podcast, that's what that was. That's what that was. So there you go. Oh, I didn't even tell you about what Calvin said at the thing. I started telling that story and then I got a man. I really went nuts on that. So we're we're watching the we're walking by oh, yeah

I try sort of talking about a PT Cruiser parking next to you for eternity Jesus Christ I Got some I don't even think I have a DD, but maybe I do because I got some I Just I don't know man. Ah Whatever, dude That fucking shits and gig podcast got me hot So so That fucking shits and gig podcast got me hot. So Calvin was walking by and he sees the grave sites and there were flowers on them. And it's Memorial Day, dude.

And Calvin just looks at these, the flowers and the grave sites. these the the the flowers and the grave sites and he says really loud in front of all of fucking, oh my God, it's like real plants versus zombies. Bro, that's it. We fell out. Oh man, that's so funny, dude. That is so funny.

That is so funny. That's that's actually funny dude that my son said that I gotta say that in my act cuz I bet that I get a big laugh I'm gonna say that my act sorry it was free oh dude go see shits and gigs then. At the O2 Arena. The fucking this, the real log cabin, dude, our log cabin is going to be under that log cabin. We're going to build it under the under it like that fucking small time Crooks movie that Woody Allen did under it and just plot in the whole time and then just burst up one day. Just start fucking taking just fucking. We don't have that anymore.

On the key map. We taking over one log cabin at a time. We taking over one cult at a time. Oh shit, dude. We taking over one cult at a time. Out of time! Anyway, um, we, we, we do what we do and it is what it is. But, uh, yeah. Oh my God.

That is so funny that he said that, dude. I wore red today and blue. Dude, my wife goes like this. Don't forget to wear red, white and blue. And I go. And I did, dude. And my wife thought she was cute with it? Because she had on, oh, dude, oh, babe.

You had on a sundress that was blue and white? Aw. Muted blue and white? Yeah, you had on a sundress that was blue and white? Aw, muted blue and white? Yeah, you look cute. Cut to me, decked out, red top, blue bottom, fucking red and white shoes, socks, red, white and blue. Bro? Aw, cute outfit hun fucking let's go take a cute outfit on screaming by on a fucking boat on a cigarette boat are you kidding me dude dude? Oh yeah.

Hey, careful what you wish for, sweetie. Right? Paint my dick red and go. Well, maybe not, but you know what I mean? But that's creepy. Tell me more about that. It is what it is. And we have a good time on this podcast and that's for imprint for certain.

But yeah, I just, I just feel like what? Oh, I saw this. A year in the suburb. Okay hold on. So, so all right. So I saw this a year in the subber Okay, hold on so you so alright, so I saw this I did not watch it yet, but Permute this guy Brent Brendan Burnett Burnett the Bernathy Bernathy Oh Brendan Oh Abernathy got it Brendan a Bernathy Descendant of A. Blinken, premiered my next single, Married in a Year, out June 20th, last night in LA. How do we like it? Okay, so I'll listen to this. Okay, here we go. This guy's obviously singing his heart out....a year in the suburbs with a kid on the way in three

convincing yourself you're living the American dream Yeah And I'll be dancing out in California Ow! Getting tickled. Getting tickled in the first part.... dude the fucking jingle of the year bro that is gonna oh my Hey, white. And you know, it's okay. The guy can sing, bro. Oh, the guy can sing. Somebody said this is what $16 tacos sounds like. That's hilarious. Underwater.

Oh, dude. I love that. there's a guy in the background. You heard him? He just came back from the Matrix. Just... Ow! Getting tickled. Getting tickled, dude! Somebody just took a feather under his anus, in his tatin, just put it on his anus, and Ow! Getting tickled. And I'll be dancing on the floor. Getting tickled, dude! Somebody just took a feather under his anus in his tatin,

just put it under. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And they didn't move it up at all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! They just put it under and they go like this. Ha ha ha ha ha! Yes, bro! They just go, watch, I'm gonna tickle him at the part, watch.

That's, at that part, go, watch, I'm gonna tickle him at the part, watch. That's at that part, dude. Let's watch it and then do the feather move at that part. I married in a year in the suburb with a kid on the way in three. Convincing yourself you're living the American dream and I'll be dancing on California. There you go, bro. Oh, and they laugh cause they see you with the feather.

Dude, when the guy goes, oh, that sounds like the only black guy there that was about to be like, are you fucking kidding me, dog? That is, that is this guy, dude. Here, listen to the black guy. Listen to the black guy, the only black guy. With a kid see the black guy let's see the black guy the only black guy that black guy left a second after that i mean do you go oh what the fuck is this cracking shit man with this loud music fuck is this shit man you ain't gonna believe this shit man.

You know where I was last night? Alright, so I was in Los Feliz and this motherfucker just brought out a guitar. We were at this um, speakeasy bullshit or something. I don't even know. This motherfucker had a karate band

bandana on, a mustache, yeah, a mustache, yeah, hold up, hold up, and a guitar, and this motherfucker was singing about having a kid or something, and dog, it was the whitest shit of all time. Some dude took a feather, put it in his anus. You're living the American dream.

He's, that's great. And I'll be dancing on Calif. It's not, dude, come on, bro. The guy's, it's, I don't, that's fine, bro. I don't, I don't care. I, I don't like music, and I want this guy to keep singing this song so long. You know what? I don't like how people are hating on this song because it's, look, people are, look,

genuinely can't tell if this is satire or not, somebody commented, hey dude, that's the same thing as two chains. You're telling me that this dude going, I'm different, yeah, I'm different, that people are actually like, yo, I really feel that. No, they know it's silly and they still listen to it because it rocks. Like this. Yeah, dude, it's satire and not. You're about living in the city. Mm-hmm.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're living out in California. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The fucking Pillsbury Doughboy, dude. Mm, I'm gonna have my folk era. Fuck, I'm gonna have my folk era. Dude, I'm going to have my folk era. Dude, you are not going to want to be around me. I am going to be having on so many clothes and hat, a hat and a fucking bandana and

just be so annoying and smell like my old substitute teacher that would come in. His sky. His name was fucking sky. Do you remember that guy? And I'm going to smell like that guy, dude. You remember how we smell? Yeah, dude. Petulia oil. Fucking dude. I, I, I, you're going to, you're going to be like, this is how you're going to, this is how you're going to know I'm in the room. Oh, Hey Chris. That's how you're going to know you You're going to smell patchouli oil before and then I'm going to be there with my guitar,

scarf, thin mustache, bandana, hat, latte, you understand? Just fucking singing about some bitch's life. And on Saturdays you go to Costco. Yeah, one time you wait a hot dog. Costco sells hot dogs. Costco sells fucking hot dogs. And you waited in line. You waited in line. You had to buy six pancake batters at the same time because you couldn't buy one. Cause it's Costco. This song is really going off the rails.

I thought it was about a woman. You can buy shit in market Costco. You can't just buy one water unless you're at the checkout line. Cause they got it in the fridge anyway she was beautiful dude just so annoying it smells like fucking patchouli oil god damn dude i really had to pull out all the stops on this episode. I really did because this shits and gigs guys, they can't get away with this.

I really had to come fire on all syllables. Okay. That's a, that's a, I wish only the best for this guy. Hell yeah, bro. Oh, there's, I love guys that post the same thing all the all the all the time on who did I send this to oh yeah I sent it to you know hold on it let me find this guy's Instagram it's phenomenal bro come on where is this fucking thing oh dude Russell Crowe absolutely killing it fucking hell yeah and then another Russell Crowe

I mean who's that Russell no that's Russell? No. That's Russell Crowe. And that's Russell to cam. Mid dude. Real dude. Real dude, dude, to be 60 and go, fuck it, let's make a song. It's unreal, dude. You go like this. Fuck it, let's make a song. Dude, that's on. Oh, dude, the two Russell Crows, Russell Crowe and Russell.

Russell Crowe and Russell Bluejay just fucking tearing it up. That was Russell Crowe in prosthetics. That second guy. Is that his brother? Is that Steve Crowe in Prosthetics, that second guy. Is that his brother? Is that Steve Crowe? Oh, dude, I love fucking, I used to think that the funniest person was like a 40-year-old man,

and I think it's maybe like a 60-year-old man now. And maybe that's because I'm in my 40s, but God damn it, dude. I'm sorry, what's the new song with the rascal flats guy and the acon that shit dude hold the umbrella have you heard that song guys, dude, that I saw that on Instagram reels. Okay, I saw it from the people that posted it. So whether it was the guy from Rascal flats or whatever the, was it Rascal flats? I don't know.

Okay, and so it was like the legit post, okay? And I actually thought it was a parody. And I go, oh, this is an actual success? This guy? Is it on? Did you put it on? This guy is it on that you put on Hmm I mean just hold the umbrellas first of all

Crazy Hold the umbrella is Not Rageous, okay. It's fucking not rages, dude Holding that little bitch out right here. The little umbrella like this. Yo, fuck those umbrellas. The little ones you put in the drinks, by the way. And fuck you if you have one.

If you're a man. OK? If you're a woman, I get it. You like stuff and things. So fine. But dude, no. Mm-mm. Truck month is on at Chevrolet. Get 0% financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 Silverado 1500 Custom Blackout or Custom

Trail Boss. With Custom Trail Boss's available class exclusive Duramax 3-liter diesel engine and Z71 off-road package with a 2-inch factory suspension lift, you get both on engine and Z71 off-road package with a two inch factory suspension lift, you get both on-road confidence and off-road capability. Dirt road ahead, let's go! Truck month is awesome! Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details. ["Mix It Up"]

Oh, even Akron looking at him like, what the fuck is he? What is this? Canvit music. What the fuck? Shitty music. White dog music. This is nuts. Oh, dude. This is nuts. So dude, hold the umbrella.

Hey. My boot, poured in a coconut cup, fill it up, but hold the umbrella, when you just keep saying the way. Aah, instructions. Dude, that's incredible dude hold the umbrella it just gets in the way fucking drink it up drink too much drink too much so you lose your Put the umbrella down sit on it lady and poke your ass. Oh That's a mistake. He can't just What what the fuck?

Can't it can't make the music and Crazy dude, there's no business that aon has to be here we are hey push him off the boat this is dude yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't ever need one they're too small under just for the drink those if you have one of those umbrellas, fuck you. This is a crazy song. I cannot, this is the same, by the way, as the other one we just heard about the guy singing

and being in California getting tickled. I'm still not at the thing I wanted to show you guys, by the way. Oh, so me, dude. Did I say I was, did I say I turned down gladiator to Did I say they had to rewrite the idea cuz I wouldn't do it did I say I Was in that movie where I'm chasing the woman in the car that came out I forget what it's called and it's a fucking and I was driving in it and I

was in the car mostly I shot it all in three days and made one million did I say I was in that um god I Russell Crowe is awesome uh hold on So let me try to find this fucking thing. Cause it was amazing. This guy, God, this guy, how can you never find something dude? And you know what sucks too is that you don't find something until you find it. And that's the last place you look. And of course it is because you found it, which I understand. but then also I, that pisses me off because it's like, yo, I don't ever want it to, I don't always want it to be the last place I look. I should keep looking sometimes. Come on, dude, where is this? I'm pissed off now. I'll get it. You know what? Here we go. Okay. Sea Wilder. Oh, this is great. Sea Wild,

Sea Wilder Music. I'll just go to the page. Instagram. This guy is so... first of all, he is right here. Let's play it. Why can't I play it? Oh, I gotta have an account in, really? That's weird. Can I just play the reel? No, okay, I'll do it on my phone. C Wilder, here we go. I gotta follow this guy actually. But bro, this has how many views? 1.8 million.

And so I came across it. First of all, first of all, dude, eh, sir, get better audio. You know, dude, just where are you at a drive through? I'll have one burger. Hell yeah, dude. I can't believe how he's First of all in a black tank top, which is the worst thing you can wear hands down I've always thought this a black tank top is the worst thing you can wear and one time I saw a guy eating worst thing you can wear. And one time I saw a guy eating fucking tacos at night with a black tank top on and I go, holy shit, I will never ever forget this. And I haven't. It

was at Los Gringos Locos. Is that what the place is called? Los Gringos Locos? Dude, they had that fucking taco Tuesday. It was like $2. And this motherfucking bitch ass was eating tacos with a black tank top on at dinner and I will dude and I never forgot it and this guy's wearing that okay so it's so weird to think about how that person who was doing that is probably a really fat now and older and divorced you know so that guy so this guy is singing, and all he's doing is holding the guitar the whole time, not playing it. Eh.

So, so he's setting himself up for being so bitch because you can't just hold the guitar while you're singing and not be bitch. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. Congratulations, it's impossible. So, and then It's impossible. It's impossible. Congratulations, it's impossible.

So, and then, so let me, so let me scroll through this guy's reels. I'm gonna scroll through this guy's reels, okay? Now this guy has 17.3 thousand followers. Okay, so almost 20 thousand followers, right? Now let me just scroll through his reels for you guys. So you don't have to. You can, but you don't have to. It's a bad audio. Okay, that's one. I'm gonna scroll. That's another one. Okay, I'm gonna go to the next one. Oh, cool. Oh, pretty cool. Oh, dude, you go, oh wow. Well, this one's actually kind of cool. Oh, pretty cool. Oh, dude. You go, Oh, wow. Well, this one's actually kind of cool.

Hold on. Let's go. Oh, cool. And you go, Oh, cool, dude. Nice. It's actually a sweet one. It's a little bit, it's a little bit slower, different song, kind of nice. And you go, well, he's got some range. He's got some, he's got a catalog, right? So you go, pretty cool, huh? It's amazing. Oh, dude! And it's the same song. Dude, he made the other song, the same song, okay?

So now he's doing that one. Here we go. Next one. And back next one and back to the uh back to basics dude next one back to basics twice next one fuck yeah holding the guitar dude i'm scrolling i'm not replaying next one worst audio cut to the fucking chorus another one right here you go oh cool he's kind of rocking out different kind of thing there Cut to the fucking chorus. Another one right here. You go, oh cool, he's kind of rocking out.

Different kind of a thing there. Ooh, actually, okay, well maybe he does have a catalog. Oh cool, he's actually doing a solo? Maybe this is just a solo. That's actually really dope. This is so, okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, oh, oh! Ah! Made this song the song. Dude, scroll. Scroll. Outside of a hotel. Just fucking screaming it. Next one. No! Dude, these are all the reels. I'm playing in order. Let's play another one. In time square, holding a guitar. Ha!

Another one. You're a bad ass hardworking American that loves your country? Check this out. Cut right to the fucking chorus on that one. Next one. You're a badass, hard-working American that loves your country? Check this out. Cut right to the fucking chorus on that one. Next one. Wow. Outside of a fucking building. Outside of his agency. No doubt.

Standing on a bench. S'bitch! S'bitch! Standing on a park bench. Holding a guitar. Does he jump off? If he jumps off, that's it, he's on there so he can jump off, right? So, bitch! Yes, he jumped off, dude! There is nothing more bitch than standing on a bench, singing, holding a guitar, so you can jump off at the good part.

Wow! Unbelievable, dude! You know what? That, how many? And it keeps going. And now here's the thing okay about this It's working Hey You know, it's in people's algorithms and oops It's working the guys got and oops, it's working.

The guy's got 20, how many followers do you have? This guy's got 17.3 thousand followers that are just every day. ["Stay Tone"] Chat, GPTS song. I'm gonna be in Indianapolis and fucking all sorts of places that are our places. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City.

I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be in New York City. I'm gonna be see me on a tour I'm gonna be in Indianapolis and fucking all sorts of places that are our places you know Miami Florida for Lauderdale all sorts of places that are that are places and the other spot to Waco you know like that's a place. Anyway, go to Chrisley.com.

Go to Chrisley.com and see it. And then you can also check, you know, subscribe to this podcast if you're not subscribed. And share the clips, dude. We have an Instagram page. Go on the Instagram page. I started it kind of late,

but it's getting traction now. I don't even know what it is, but it's getting traction now. I don't even know what it is, but it's... Let's see, it is the Congratulations Podcast, and we're gaining momentum there. So go on and check that. And check that. You know, just all sorts of stuff. So that makes complete sense. Appreciate you guys. Thank you very much. Spread the word and this is the cult.

And don't forget to go over and let those shits and gigs guys know that our log cabin, whoopsie daisy, is under your log cabin. You can't just take this shit and get the real merch at crystallia.com. Okay? We are the cult.