Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 449. The Gaslight Hotel

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 Watch GROW OR DIE on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week we've got the Final Destination franchise, Trump v Musk, Tom Cruise eating popcorn, and trauma of all sorts. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Roger Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fairs, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday, anywhere along the Go network. And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online Go Pass ahead of the show at GoTransit.com slash tickets. Whether it's a family member, friend, or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise

through Muskoka or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. No frills, delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express.

Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. RUNK. Hi guys, and welcome to the new episode of of welcome to the very special episode of It is time to do the show. And that's great. Huh? You know, I was in Florida, and I'll be back in Florida and Miami in August to do shows. So go to chrislea.com. I'm going to be in Indianapolis.

I'm going to be in St. Louis. I'm going toa.com. I'm going to be in Indianapolis. I'm going to be in St. Louis. I'm going to be in Houston. I'm going to be in Irvine. So go to chrislea.com. Get tickets for this summer. Did the shows in Fort Lauderdale. And I was straight up sick all weekend. So I mean, I had a fever.

I kept waking up. Dude, when you have a... I think I'd rather have a stomach ache. I'd rather have a headache. I'd rather... Then having a fever is... Your body is just like, oh, dude. No, it's gonna be so...

It's gonna be so different for you. Like, it was three, four days where I was just like, you know, you get a little better and then you get worse. It was like I was a kid, like one of those fevers. Like dude, I'm 45, who gets a fever? You know, when you're eight and you're just like oh my god. Oh, what is this? That's what it was like and every time I would wake up in the bed At because I would go to bed and I would feel like crap and then I would Wake up a few times in the middle of the night and feel like crap and then 630 would roll around and I would wake up and the bed it was like

10 men came in and just pissed on me dude Dude, it was so drenched. It wasn't, by the way, it wasn't pee. That's not what I'm trying to say. It wasn't me that did that. It was sweat, dude. My fever would break and when the fever breaks, dude, it is so on and pop that you it's like you're in Ibiza okay you go oh my god i'm better for a little bit you go like that because you know it's only for a little bit because you know that fever gonna come back right that fever gonna come back and you go let's live it up for now and just try to And you go, let's live it up for now and just try to get some sleep in this wet bed. And you go back to sleep and you wake up and that fever still be breaking. It's like the doors, the elevator doors in the shining, right? And just, and you know, if, if you weren't so sick, it would be sexy because you would have,

you know, the beads of sweat are rolling down your chest. Like that, like MC hammer and the too legit to JIT too legit to quit video. But the only thing that's too legit to quit is this fever, dude. And you wake up at six 30 dude for three or four days. I woke up at six 30 and I, I thought God pissed on me, dude. It was unreal how wet everything was. Dude, I was like, was I swimming? It's like when you have a nightmare and you wake up,

if you have a nightmare about how like, I mean, this doesn't happen obviously, but it was like you have a nightmare and you wake up, if you have a nightmare about how like, I mean, that this doesn't happen obviously, but it was like you have a nightmare. You're in war and then you wake up and you have boots on and you're like, Oh, was it real though? But my whole thing was just, it's going to suck. And I have a fever. So I'll tell you this much. I did my shows and I powered through it, dude.

And here's the other thing too. After I get sick, I always without question lose my voice. So I lost it. Here it is lost. I mean it's basically... Remember lost? That's my voice. Right? With the freaking... With the freaking... With the freaking... ["Wake Up and Get Out of the Joke"] Previously on Getting Pissed On by God. Um, and so... I would wake up and...

I know, I love it, because of the joke, I forgot what story I was telling, but oh, my voice is gone, did the shows anyway, okay? Convinced myself, dude, can you do it like me? Can you do it like me? Are you a go-getter? Can you be the type of person, now look, I don't do manual labor, I get it.

I don't know what it's like for somebody with a fever to have to do construction, okay? My guess is they go, I can't do it, I'll do it next week, or they get other guys to do it for that day, because it just seems tragic, okay? Now, performing is a different thing. It is also awful, and here's why it may not be you know, it's there it Doing state of comedy is one of the most difficult things

It's it's a lot like, you know, it's not it's not difficult like like manual labor obviously but the the reason why it's Difficult is because you you have to be on. You can't be sluggish and doing the show. So you're using all of your energy to be like, oh, I'm gonna pretend that this fever isn't making my whole body change, right? And I didn't wake up in a mess, okay? And so I had two shows a night too,

which is just absolutely fantastic to do. It's absolutely fantastic to do it. When you're sick, it's absolutely fantastic when you have two shows a night. And but I convinced him, dude I never, I drank a Red Bull. I don't drink Red Bull. I don't drink that stuff. I drank one. I convinced myself never, I drank a Red Bull. I don't drink Red Bull. I don't drink that stuff. I drank one. I convinced myself. It's all in my head. It's a simulation.

I'm not sick. I went out and I did my thang, baby. And dude, let me tell you, I am still so fricking delirious, dude. Fevers make me emotional. They make me sad. They make me grateful. They make me in love.

I'll just see somebody walk by, if I have a fever, like an old man, and I'll be like, I hope that man's life was so beautiful and I hope he has 10 more years. And when I'm thinking that, I'll start crying. Yes, crying yes dude when I'm a fever sometimes when I have a fever I'm like is this what a real person feels like because otherwise I'm a sociopath so God's giving me a fever so I'm not a sociopath in Florida because I'll tell you what if there's a place to be a sociopath

It's it's Fort Lauderdale, okay, it's Fort friggin Lauderdale Hollywood Fort Lauderdale like pick a name, you know, don't do that hyphenated shit, but I did and dude a name you know don't do that hyphenated shit but I did and dude anyway I so I don't know if this podcast is gonna make much sense because your boy's been delirious for days but it's kind of fun dude you know I called my wife and I was like baby I just get so emotional when I'm sick you know and she was like yeah I was like yeah she was like what's? I was like, yeah. She was like, what's up? I'm like, nothing. I just, man, so grateful. She's like, what are you talking about?

Dude, when I was, when I realized this, I was in bed watching, I was sick in bed and Oprah was on, it was back when you would just like turn the TV on and watch whatever, right? Like there was no Netflix or there was, but you had to go get it from CDs or discs. You had to go get it like Redbox. You had to have a, you had to have Mickey Blue Eyes mailed

to you for, and you had three days to watch it. And, and so I was watching Oprah just in bed, chilling sick and I just, whatever Oprah did with some people and they were, it was like a feel good episode. I broke down, bro. I cried for a fucking hour, just with a fever,

just so happy for these people. It was beautiful. I'll never forget that. And that's how I know when I get a fever, dude, I I'll never forget that and that's how I know. When I get a fever, dude, I'm emotional. And I think that's how real people, that's how that's how real people feel. So anyway, I didn't get to be associate about the Florida, which probably a good thing, right?

Cause I could have been, could have been awful. I don't understand people in Florida. Now look, I love being hot, okay? Oh dude, you think I didn't have my, I woke up and by the way, this isn't why I was sweating because I was freezing. You know how you're freezing,

but you're still like sweating until when your fever breaks. Dude, I was freezing and it was 79 degrees in my room. And I kept thinking of my friends that would be like, I hate you bro's gonna be great. I'm gonna be in Florida. Let me tell you something, man. Hey, I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm.

I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm.

I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it being warm. I love it warmth. So I was like, oh dude, it's gonna be great. I'm gonna be in Florida. Let me tell you something, man. Hey, I love it being warm.

In Florida, I don't, it's too sunny, dude. Okay? It's just, it's too sunny. And, and, and, and, and the thing I don't get about it is, you know, people are just like walking around, you know, tourists that aren't even Floridians, they're walking around and they're like not annoyed that it's so sunny. And I'm like, what? And that's what makes me think I'm a sociopath.

Because when I'm walking around and it's that, oh, it's, oh, you're gonna be that sunny. Okay. Well, that's okay. But let me tell you something. There's lots of, there's lots of shade. Yeah. Oh, you're gonna be that sunny. Okay. Oh, that's okay, but let me tell you something. Though there's lots of shade. Yeah. Oh, there isn't though, right? Because it's just a beach with no trees, right? Oh, you have to bring your own umbrellas for shade, okay? All right. So not only is it too bright, if I want it to be less bright, I have to bring things and carry them. So now I'm going to sweat more. Okay, I see what you're doing God. Hey, it's basically hell on earth. And I know there's a lot of stuff going on in the world. Okay, I get it.

I know this is like people like, dude, they're deporting, you know, it's Ukraine and Gaza, Palestinians and Israel. Yeah, okay. I get it. Check this out, dude. Even still, Florida, too sunny. Bro. It's a beautiful place. And I stayed at the W Hotel in Fort Lauderdale.

And let me tell you something about the W Hotel in Fort Lauderdale. Okay? Sucks donkey balls. All right. Now, why? Why is it suck donkey balls? Okay. Dude, I'm going to get so logistical on you motherfuckers this episode that I swear to

God, I don't care. Okay do you understand me? I'm fresh out the gates of a fever. Home. On a Monday. From Florida. Stayed in a W hotel. On the beach. And you think I'm not gonna get logistical? I don't give a fuck. I'm getting so logistical dude, okay? So dude, check this out. I rent a car. What the fuck he does?

Yeah, but he doesn't rent cars. No, he doesn't. Well, then why did he? Because he thought it would be cool to drive around in Florida. Huh? Is he a hot chick or something? Nah, he's Chris D'Alea. But what the fuck? Enterprise, check in, pick a car, blue Buick, drive to the W Hotel, too far, realize I gotta go back closer to the airport to do the show, so all this doesn't make any sense, but then again, good thing I have the car because maybe the area near the W Hotel

is more on and popping than would be at the airport. So I'm like, dude, I kind of like figured it out before I even got here, right? I kind of like set myself up in a dope bro I get to the W hotel all right in Fort Lauderdale now I'm kind of a look I'm not gonna lie to you I'm kind of a W hotel guy you know I'm kind of a W hotel guy. It's a little bit shameful, but I'm kind of a guy that's like, Oh, uh, Austin. Yeah. Is there a W hotel?

That's like the kind of guy I am. Right. And let me tell you why. Cause you know what you're going to get. All right. If you go to Boston, if you go to New York, if you go to Austin, if you go to Portland, if you go to Seattle, if you go to LA,

and you get a double your hotel, you know what you're gonna get, okay? It's gonna be a little bit purple inside, the hallways are gonna be too cold, but your room, you keep it nice. And the room is nice. And even though it's a little bit too futuristic, it's gonna be a little bit purple inside. The hallways are gonna be too cold, but your room, you keep it nice. And the room is nice. And even though it's a little bit too futuristic, it's gonna annoy you, it's gonna have amenities, dude.

It's gonna have things you need, and the room service is gonna be open. That's great, dude. He set himself up for success. And has a blue Buick, right? To get there. But Florida is one of these places that it doesn't matter what kind of hotel you're staying at. It's going to be all Florida up.

Okay. It's gonna be all Florida'd up. Okay? Now that, that, that, that is okay. However, if you're a guy, look, it's okay, because when you go visit Florida, you wanna visit Florida. You don't wanna go and see the same shit that you see at all. You wanna be, you wanna be among that, you wanna be like, it's too sunny. But this is the Florida vibe. All right, fuck it. Let's bring an umbrella to the beach. But let me tell you see at all. You wanna be, you wanna be among that. You wanna be like, it's too sunny.

Ah, but this is the Florida vibe. All right, fuck it. Let's bring an umbrella to the beach. But let me tell you something, dude. If you listen to any episode of this podcast ever, you understand I'm not that guy, all right? I'm not that guy. I am what you see is what you get.

I wanna know what's up. I am basically Ben Affleck in The Accountant. I have my way I do things. You know, I don't kill anybody, but I have the way I do things. I want them set up nice and I have OCD. He said, don't fuck with me. All right. Now, W Hotel, he knows what he's going to get. He knows what he wants.

He knows what he wants. He knows what he wants. He knows what he wants and just how to get it. He knows what he wants. So, shout out to DJ Premier and Guru. It's she knows what she wants, but whatever. He knows what he wants. Take money, money, go shopping. Take money, money, go shopping. So you go to the W Hotel that you know,'re gonna you know what you're gonna get and you realize when you get to the hotel in Florida that oh shit it's gonna be too loud. There's gonna be a DJ even though it's 1 p.m.

You know? Hey, hey, it's lunchtime. Hey dude, let me eat a fucking club sandwich. Right? Hey, okay. So, also, there's gonna be 6,000 people in the lobby because, oh, and 2,000 of them are gonna be in line checking in. So not only do you have to stand in a line of 2,000, you have to, and you're just, and you're like,

don't all these people just just doesn't this fucking suck? Like, I'm here for work, but you chose to be here. Hey, doesn't this fucking suck for you guys? guys. And just fucking Dominicans everywhere. You know, God bless. I'm not gonna say that's bad, but just extra Dominicans, extra Jamaicans. God bless. But I'm just saying fat whites too, of course. God bless if you're fat white, don't matter, but I'm just saying I'm like dude so I Check in and I go Okay. Well, okay

And they say this is what you're gonna have to do. I don't know. They give me the card to say, this is what you're going to have to do. And I go, dude, are you sure in instructions to getting to your room is like, uh, no, no, make the building different. Dude, no, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you what, we're not going to do that. We're going to rotate the building because what the fuck are you talking about, dude? When they start talking about tower one or whatever, the fuck I'm out, dude. Oh, we got you in our, uh, the fucking. You're going to love it. We upgraded you. So we're going to go,

we got you in tower one. Oh dude, fuck. Where is it? Well, what you're going to do is to my left, you see this here, the, the, the spa, you're going to go left down there and you gotta go down the hallway. You gotta cross over the freeway. And then when you get there, you can take the elevator up the floor. Uh, you gotta cross over the freeway, and then when you get there, you're gonna take the elevator up to floor 11, you gotta use your key. And then you're already, by the way, on floor four. Even though this is the bottom, we're just gonna make it confusing. So you're gonna go up to it, and then you don't go to the ground. Never go ground floor unless you want to get your car, okay?

Because that's gonna be, that's gonna get you. And you're just like, oh dude, you go in your head, you're like kind of smiling and nodding, but in your head you're going, I'm gonna fucking kill everybody here. Oh shit. Oh, you go, oh, oh, oh. You go, oh, this is a simulation and I'm just gonna unplug everybody.

You know? So, I grab my bag, I go all the way up to, and I'm not even, I'm not even, I don't even, I'm feeling like a little tired. I'm not sick really, you know? God, this weekend, what a fucking debacle. But boy, he lit it up on stage, but it's okay, you know? I mean, I'm sure maybe some people didn't like it, but I thought I had a good time. Dude, so I'm in the hotel.

I gotta go like across the way and then fucking into my room and then it's fine. Whatever dude bro, I Get in my room I Set all up and I'm like, I'm tired. I'm gonna nap I nap. Okay, whatever I get out of the I wake up from the nap. I go I go to I go, all right, I'm in Florida, dude. I might be a little under the weather. I'm gonna go get a coffee, dude. Because when in Florida, you know.

So I grab my key, I walk out of the room, and the room, the door closes, okay? And it goes, which is weird, right? Because I don't recognize the sound. And I go, that's interesting. For some reason, I try to go back in the door, okay? So I put my card to the door. Nothing happens, right? And I go go, fuck God, please come on.

Cause I don't want to go back down across the freeway, then to floor four. And then, you know what I mean? Get the key, make sure it works. Go back up and then go back. You know what I mean? So I'm like, oh man, this is annoying. But I notice, right? Cause the hotel keys, fuck is getting logistical, dude. The hotel keys, fuck yeas, getting logistical, dude. The hotel keys, dude, you know what? I just saw a video of a kid who's 11 that has like, he has autism and he has Tourette's.

And I go, I first thought it was like, oh, hmm, you know, because I got kids, and I'm like, life's gotta be hard. And then, and then, and then they say, but the thing about him is he can imitate 50 birds. And then it just shows him, it shows kids playing in the playground. And then him outside of the playground on the fence,

looking at the kids playing and he's just going, oh, oh. But like, good. Not like me. Like, doing like, swallows. I can do it. It's like, boosle. You know what I mean? I can't do it.

But the kids sound like a fucking bird, OK? And then the guy sat down with them, and the news guy was like, so what's your favorite bird? What's the hardest bird? And he was like, you know, he's doing all this shit. The kid's 11 and I'm like, man, this fucking kid's an X man. Like this is, and I go, that's, that's my motherfucker, dude.

That's, that's, that's my motherfucker. Uh, and, and then I go, I'm gonna do my, that kid inspired me because I go, I'm gonna do my podcast and I'm gonna, not that I don't do this, but I'm gonna be logistical, dude. I'm gonna be deep into logic. And this is how I feel good. So, you know, I don't mean to be defensive, but like, you know, I know, you know, some people listen to this and they go, I listen to this, but do because it's too important, man.

And if it's not, you're not part of it. We are. My babies will know. of this but do because it's too important man and if it's not you're not part of it we are my babies will know so i'm like well what the fuck i i realize when i put the key on it that the the the the green light doesn't show up to let the... I'm like, that's fine, that means maybe it's the wrong key. But then I realize, I go, wait a minute, if there's no green light, there should be a red light, right? Or like a yellow light?

Right? Right? It's a wrong key? But there's not that. So I'm like, well, let me go to a different door and go check that door. Because if there's a red light, then I know they have red lights. And I got to go down and see whether the thing's dead. I don't know. I guess it could happen. So I go to another door and I check it. Red light.

So I go, fuck, my door is dead. Okay. Right away. What's going on? I look a Jamaican lady with short hair, right? Okay. There's so many Jamaicans in Fort Lauderdale. I can't even believe it.

I say, oh yeah, my key doesn't work. Let me see here. She takes the fucking her key fob, you know, puts it on the thing, no light. And she says, the battery's dead. And I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me call someone. I say, okay.

She's already got the earpiece in on her phone. Yeah, we got a man. Mark one. He's out here. He going to buy a can of beer. The battery's dead. We need someone. I was like, Oh, okay.

Thank you so much. Leaves I'm sitting here. Okay. Minutes go by. Okay. A guy comes, Jamaican, and he says, what's going on? I said, oh, are you the guy they called? He said, yeah, I'm on. What you got?

I was like, oh, whoa, this door isn't working. And he says, is it your key, key man I was like no no and he was like let me check and he takes his key fob and puts it on the thing and it doesn't show a light and he says ah the battery is dead and I go yes I know that the battery is dead I think that. The battery is dead. I think that this thing needs to be changed. Not my key card, right? It's not my key card.

And he says, oh, let me go get the guy. Okay, so. Fine. But who were you? You're not the guy. Hey, dude. But who were you? You're not the guy? Hey dude, who are you? The guy's representative? Bring the guy.

I already talked to the lady, okay? Oh, okay, yeah, call the guy, the actual guy. She goes down. I go, fuck it, why do I have to wait up here? So I go I get a coffee and Then I sit there for a bit and I come back Certainly, it'll be fixed by then I Go up to the fourth floor walk across the bridge get into the elevator go up to the 11th floor Walk back over bridge, get into the elevator, go up to the 11th floor, walk back over to the, because of my floor thing.

So, get it, boom, I check it out, the battery's dead. They didn't fix it yet. Hey, what the fuck? Okay, so now I'm pissed. What's going on? I look from down the hall, the same lady as the first lady, it's her, you can't get in your room.

And I said, oh yeah, I still can't get in my room, what the heck? She was like, are you serious? I said, yeah, yeah, I still can't get my room. What the heck? She was like, are you serious? I said, yeah, you called somebody it wasn't even the right guy She was like, oh, come on. Let me call again. I was like, alright, will you and she's like, yeah Hey, can we get a guy to come out? Who's your battery? It's battery is dead. Tell him the battery is dead. I Wait Another guy comes up It's a different guy another Jamaican by

the way so just first of all how many people could be the guy possible to fix this isn't there isn't it just like one or two guys, like who's, bring maintenance. Like who are you bringing? The guy who's making the fucking club sandwiches in rooms. Like who are you, who is, bring the guy. So he comes up and he's like, what's going on? You can't get in your room. And I was like, yeah, it's not my key. And he goes to put his key for me. He says, oh, the battery is dead.

And I was like, no, oh yeah, bro, I know. We got, he said, let me go get the computer. And I'm like, oh my God, hey, what the fuck? Okay, fine. So I go downstairs again and I find a guy and he's like French or some shit. I don't know. Everybody's in Florida. It's like, what the fuck? Just a French guy now around

and the French guy I'm like, Hey dude, Oh, Oh, by the way, 2000 people in line. So I'm like, Oh, Oh fuck. I, I don't want to cut the line. I do not want to cut the line because I fucking hate when people cut the line. Okay. But I have a show in like an hour now. So I'm like, I got, I got, I just, I kind of, kind of like, you know, sometimes you're in line and you're like, I don't, I don't want to cut, but I just have a question about the, you know, we had did one of those things,

which I hate, I hate being that guy, but I had to. Okay. I only do that if I have to. And so I go and I'm like, uh, Hey dude, just want to be real clear here. This is my key. I say, this is how I started. This is the key to my room and it works, but it's not working. The reason is because the battery on the door is dead. Okay, this is how I'm talking to this guy.

I must sound like John Malkovich in the line for talking to Clint Eastwood, you know? And I'm just like, you keep bringing guys up that check if the key is working or not. Hey, sir, the key works. It's the door that doesn't work. I was told that I need a guy with a computer to come up and fix my door. Okay, now I've had three guys come up

and a lady who is just like maid service. All tell me the battery's dead, okay? So I need that to happen because I've been out of my room for an hour and a half, okay? I'm just like now at this point I'm a vagrant in Florida. And he was like, oh, sorry, well, this is the first time I have heard about this. And I said, that's the problem.

It sucks I had to bring you down here, right? I got four Jamaicans up near my, like it's the hottest fucking, like we got the hottest tasting oxtail in my room. I mean, dude, they were waiting outside, like there's a list to get in. Like it was a fucking oxt tail smorgasbord. Jamaicans outside just like, like I was serving jerk chicken dude.

I fucking hate jerk chicken. Anyway, so it's the first time I heard of this. I said, okay. I said, okay. I said, well, but I need to get in my room. You understand? I said, that's my room. This is how I talk to the guy. What a fucking...

I said, I know it's not your fault, but this is my room. I got to get in it. What's happening? And the guy's like, okay, well, let me call. Let me call right now. And he picks up the phone and he says, it says the battery. Okay. They say there is someone up there right now. And I said, Oh, I don't believe you. I literally said that. I said, Oh, I don't believe you. I

don't believe you. And if that's what they're telling you I believe that they're lying Okay, because it's been an hour and a half. Everyone knows what's wrong. It's the fucking door, dude Okay, and he was like, okay, let me check and he's talking to him. He says The guy yeah. No, there's someone in your room right now and I go. Oh, okay There's someone in my room right now and he I go, oh, okay. There's someone in my room right now? And he said, yeah. And I said, so they fixed it. He said, I guess, he said,

would you like me to walk with you up to your room? I said, uh-uh, no. And the only reason why I said that is because it was a long line. I didn't want people to, but I wanted him to go with me so bad, dude. I wanted him to go with me so bad dude. I wanted him to go with me so bad that I'm not gonna disrupt other people's world you know because they need to check in but

bro like if it was hey do you want him to come with you but he has to also stay with you for three days I would have have chosen yes. Because I wanted him to be there when I got up there and I couldn't get in my room. So I could just have a witness. So I could say to a French guy, this is what it looks like when someone loses their mind and then just lose my mind. Okay. Right. And, um, so I say, no, I don't want you to come. But, but, but there's someone up there in my room and he's like, yes. And I said, I looked, I looked at him and I like, I like, we were in a movie in his eyes and I said, do you promise me? He says,

I said, do you promise me? And he says, that's what they're saying. I say, okay, okay. So I'm going back up. I go back up and I gotta walk all the way across the freeway again, get in the fucking elevator. Go in, and by the way, my fever's like, like just, you know what I mean? It's just like, we actually get plans for you all weekend to be feeling like shit. You end up getting emotional.

And so I walk to the, I'm getting up at the elevator and I look down the hall, the hall is freezing, I look down the hall. It's the lady, the Jamaican lady, okay, working on another room. Say, hey, I walk past her. I see there's a fucking different Jamaican guy, okay, outside of my room with a laptop computer. Like, like he's fucking, you know, like he works for Jack Bauer. Like we're outside my room, just on a laptop, just like. And I'm like, hey dude. And he's like, hey, are you the one that the, and I was like, yeah.

He's like, okay, it works. And I was like, oh, it works. Oh, it works. He said, yeah. I said, okay, cool. And he's leaving. I said, no, no's leaving i said no no no hold on one second let me check i i might need you here and and i checked and it fucking worked

dude okay and i go bro thank you so much so i'm just like So I'm just like... Jesse, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part. And you can watch every match for free on DAZN, starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at dazon.com slash FIFA. That's D-A-Z-N.com slash FIFA. Hey, the W. So, you know, can we figure out, ah man, nobody gives a fuck, you know, and that's fine, I guess. I guess that's fine because like I'm very lucky to do what I, my dream job, right?

And I know that everybody kind of just has a job and doesn't want to, you know, do it. I get that. And, you know, that's unfortunate. That's unfortunate. And, but I'm like, man, I really try hard at my job. And then, and then that happens. And then I go on stage with a fever and I'm like, I got to dude. I gotta do it you know the people were nice enough, but like I Don't know I'm so delirious dude, but I got he got logistical man. He said he wouldn't he did You know He fucking said he wouldn't he did and and he told a story that is a boring

Fucking nothing story and I'll tell you what dude. He fucking killed it. Okay, I Don't give a shit. I told a boring bad story with an ending that was not happy or meaningful or bad. And I fucking dude and you and I and I did good. I kept it logistical. Beautifully logistical. And I'm not even getting into the part where they

my wife sent me a package for Father's Day and they just fucking didn't deliver it and I you know just didn't deliver it I don't have it I didn't get it I I don't have it. I didn't get it. I went down twice to get it. Wasn't there. Wasn't in the low. There's always like, you know, there's always like the place. Let me go check in the back and then they got to be and then they are like,

well, actually, let me check the dock then. There's always like the real place that they don't check first. Check the fucking real place first. Get the real guy first. Check the real place first. What are we doing? Check in places where it might not be. Check places where it is.

Don't bring a guy that might be able to do it. Bring the guy that does it. Right. Bring a guy that might be able to do it. Bring the guy that does it. Right? So, I didn't even get into that. When I could, I could tell a fucking hour long story about how I didn't get my chocolates on Father's Day. But I'm sparing you because I fucking, I already did the one where I couldn't get

in my room and I did my two shows in bro no by four shows mmm ah fuck I'm so tired dude fucking one of the ladies in the air-jet blue, you know they got the lay down beds it was fucking awesome dude. I fucking passed out. Yeah I watched The Last Breath. Yeah I did with Woody Harrelson and the fucking guy who plays the Marvel guy in the Shingo or whatever the fuck the movie is. Xiong Li, what the fuck is it? What? Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings?

There's too many rings, huh? But... Anyway, he was in it and Woody Harrelson was in it and another Irish guy was in it for some reason and I fucking watched that and then went to sleep. And I was so tired and my I I go like this and I look up and the fucking lady dude the the stewardess I go huh I don't even know what's happening I I was out. And she says, You want to have lunch? Hey,

come on. Dude, hey, hey, Dude, hey Hey Are you asking me If I'm hungry While I'm unconscious Oh dude, we're still in the same large tube until we land, right? Meaning that same

tube with the food that will be in it. Whenever I wake up, my right, I wake up, my right? I am dreaming of what if I was in that fucking submarine thing with Woody Harrelson trying to figure out how to save that Irish guy's life in the last breath. Let me, you don't know I had a fever, but I did and I'm tired. You don't know about how the W fucked up my father's day and didn't give him my chocolates,

even though they said they did. You don't know about how the W, uh, you know what I mean? Locked me out of my room for, I should have complained and gotten money off. I didn't though, because I feel bad it's the truth what are you gonna do for me right I saw people get when they're on vacation what how do we gonna make this right now that's what they say how we gonna make this right that's what God

dad's love to say that how we gonna make this right right because so I'm cuz to me I would dude I would kill at this if I Right? Because so I'm, because to me, I would, dude, I would kill at this. If I really got into this, I would kill at that kind of thing. So I've been locked in my room for what? An hour and a half, right? And the room per night is 440, okay?

So that's what we get, that's what you're gonna give me. You're gonna give me $50 off of the room because of the, I could do that, dude. That would be my autism. You know what I mean? Like to get the kid outside of the room because of the I could do that dude that would be my autism You know mean like to get the kid outside of the playground Dude my shit is then we're gonna talk we're gonna find out how much you owe me

For not being able to be in my room that I'm paying for right Because I had to come down and I had to do all your jobs. Have you said thank you once? Right? Oh, I came down. I told you the battery was dead three times. Thank you once.

Gaslight nest. They should just call it the Gaslight Hotel. Yeah, we brought you the Father's Day stuff. What? Yeah, yeah, you had it. Huh? Yeah, it was chocolate. What? Yeah, you ate it. Really? Yeah, yeah, you got a stomach ache. Oh, I did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You called up for some alkozoza. I did? Oh, dude, another thing with the W Hotel is, yo, I do what I You called up for some Alka Sazer. I did. Oh dude.

Another thing with the W hotel is yo, I do what I don't. You call them. They got this stupid fucking button. The whenever, whatever button or whatever on the phone. I'm such a fucking idiot, dude. I couldn't even find the phone. I, for some reason, this happens to be a lot in hotels. I'll, I'll, the portable phone, I'll lose that part.

And then I got to talk to everybody on speaker for the rest of the time I'm there. So I hit the thing, I hit the whenever, whatever button, you know, cause like, that's cool, I guess. Like whatever, whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, did you have Alka-Seltzer?

You know, like that's a whatever question. Or like, I don't even know what it's for, but I guess. Like whatever, whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, do you have Alka-Seltzer? You know, like that's a whatever question. Or I don't even know what it's for, but I guess, cause there's also buttons for the valet, there's buttons for in-room dining, there's buttons for maid service. So I'm like, then what the fuck is the whatever, whatever button? They're not gonna bring me like,

oh, I want actually, do you have a wicker chair? Can you bring one of those up? Oh, it falls under whatever, whenever. Bring me a wicker chair at 3 a.m. No? Then get rid of this fucking button. What is it for? Okay, here's the other thing about that fucking button.

When I hit, yo, when I hit valet. When I hit room service. When I hit made quarters buttons. When I hit conscious buttons. The only thing I ever hear. When they pick up. Is the same fucking thing I hear on the whatever whatever button dude Dude, whatever whatever. Oh dude, there's one button

There's one line with five buttons Fuck you Don't make me think I'm calling my, oh dude, I hit the valet. Whenever whatever. Oh, about to need my car. Are you kidding me? Oh, let me order a burger.

Let me hit room service. Whatever, whatever. Come on, dude. I need my room cleaned up. I'm gonna call down. Whatever, whatever. What the hell? Oh my God, no way. So I'm like, bro, and it's all fine. I know, dude, people are getting deported and it's really hard in Israel right now. But when the fucking whatever, whenever button is actually a sham, you know know you're acting like you have this dope button and I can get you

know a blueberry pie at 4 a.m. if I want right? And then and but I can't get that and not only not only can I not get that but that's the same button as A normal fucking button, dude Yo Like are you the government? This is all a sham Are you the government?

This is all a sham. That's why they're trying to figure out world peace. They're trying to figure out who gets to be in Gaza. They'll never figure that out because of this bullshit. You need to get down into the minutia of what button goes where before you could figure out how two different uh uh cultures have been trying to live in the same fucking nine miles or however big it is before uh for thousands of years you got you got you you got zion you got Palestinians and Zionists look right here dude you know what that's like the fucking valet button and the room service button okay

it's the same fucking you can't figure this out you can't figure this out. You can't figure that out. And guess what's easier to figure out? The fucking button thing. Dude, we're fucked. You can listen to other podcasts if you wanna hear about what's going on in Israel and Gaza and Zion, I talk about the fucking real issues.

Anyway, Father's Day, I didn't get to be with my kids, which is fine really, because somebody just made up Father's Day, you know? You're not going to trick me into that. You're not going to trick me into that. You're not going to trick me into that. You don't get to trick me into Father's Day. You may be able to trick my wife into Mother's Day. Because she, you know, cares and stuff and has empathy and has emotions even without a fever, but... You're not going to trick me with Father's Day, dude. You're not going to trick me with Valentine's Day.

I'm going to do Valentine's Day. Because'm gonna do Valentine's Day because you tricked my wife. But you're not tricking me. We all know the deal, right? That's like bro shit when you're out there and you see the guy who made Valentine's Day and you go, hey, and you're on Valentine's Day and the guy's on Valentine's Day, but he created Valentine's Day

and you're like, yeah, hey, what's going on? All right, cool, all good. Let's just sit down and start eating. Oh no, it's romantics, great. How much is it? Twice the price of a normal thing just because of today that that guy made this? Okay, cool, yeah, let's do it.

You didn't trick me though, did you? No, no, you didn't trick me. I'm doing it, I'm doing it. I'm doing it to save myself, okay? But you didn't trick me. And I want you to know that. Um... And, uh...

My son's... Well, I should say Calvin, actually, because Billy didn't really have too much of a hand in it. He's two. Well, no. Also, Calvin did it at school. Oh Bro Wait before I even get into that he made me a really nice thing That was very sweet and it was so cute and they made him dress up in like dad clothes like he had a blazer and a tie on and they took a picture of him in his in his school and then he put

It on a canvas and then you then colored it up for me. And it's so funny because it's like, dude, those are dad clothes. It's like his dad never wears a blazer and a tie. So funny. But it was cute, really cute, of course. And so cute, I loved it. And he wrote a message there and it was really sweet.

And because it was the end of school, he also brought home a lot of his projects. And one of his projects was, they'll do things like, you'll turn a page and it'll be like, what's one thing you like about this? What's the thing you do with mom? What's the thing you do with that? What's the thing you do with that? And so one of the things was,

what's your favorite thing that you do with dad? And the thing that he drew and wrote is, he's drawing, he has him and me, stick figures, you know? And then a bunch of what looked like dollar bills, okay, flying around and it says on the top written out, my favorite thing to do with my dad is when he lets me have a money party. And I'm like, he didn't write that. So now the teacher thinks that like, I'm just, we're having money parties and, and what is that?

And that's, everyone's going to hate me. They already do. But like, you know, money flying around and shit. I gotta, I gotta take, make a video of it and put it on Instagram or something. It's so funny, dude, to be the teacher, be like, Oh, so your dad comes home and he has a money party with you and they throw money, you guys just throw money around. Okay. And I think, I know what he means is sometimes when I come back from Canada, I have Canadian money and I show him the Canadian money

and he loves it, you know, you know, and it's like, sometimes it's $60. But it's like, he'll throw it around and be like money party. And his fucking teacher, who's like just some woman that's my age is like, wow, real fucking great, dad. It's like we went to the doctor and she's asking him the questions. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, fuck man. Ask me, what if they ask him some real shit? You wear your seatbelt every time right and I I do I always always but what if you know

My son's the kind of guy who's like well no one time you know and I'm like oh fuck just ask me dude I'm the guy who gives you the money party. Let me answer. Life is funny, huh? Yeah, it is. It's sad and funny. But you know. I guess my father's day.

My father's day was nice. Oh, the naked gun. uh uh uh uh god damn the naked gun uh trailer came out i don't know i don't know i don't know

i don't know i thought leon nisi was like the perfect guy to do it i'm just not sure why is he killing everybody in the movie they made it my brother said this not sure. Why is he killing everybody in the movie? They made it... My brother said this, and he's like, I think he's right. They made it... It's like they made it for Liam Neeson. And that's gonna ruin... That could easily ruin it. There are some funny parts in it, but like... When he said, grab a chair, and she takes the chair,

it's like, dude, first of all, say, grab a seat. It's just like, you know, I don't know, man. I'm not sure. Oh, the delirium is coming back. I'm going crazy. Uh, so yeah, thanks for listening. Um, and go to my website to get tickets. I'll be in your city soon.

I appreciate you. Thanks so much.