Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 454. A Dog With A Bone

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 Watch GROW OR DIE on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris shares tales of Indianapolis hotel restaurants, we watch Tom Cruise get squirted in the face, and everyone is fartin' around. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's me, your brain. And I, your mouth. I act on logic. I act on taste. For me, Pizza Hut's Nashville Hot Chicken Pizza with Spicy Fried Chicken, Pickles, and Creamy Ranch Drizzle is confusing. To me it sounds good.

Pickles on pizza? Amazing. It shouldn't work, but it's so good. Try the Nashville Hot lineup at Pizza Hut. Your mouth will get it. It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka, soda, natural flavors. So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? What should we talk about?

No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple. Hey guys, it's, we are on and popping right now, doing a podcast and it's good to do, you know, there's too many podcasts, we can all agree. And you know, we dislike it. But the cream rises to the top, I guess, I guess, not really though, dude, you know? Cause there's lots of, actually, you know what rises to the top also? Dirt, dirt, dirtness, because dirt is bad. There's a lot of dirty, dirty, stupid podcasts,

but it's okay, we're not negative. Listen to those if you want to. We are not negative. I will be in Irvine, California, Huntsville, Alabama, Los Angeles, California. I put it down. I'm doing my... I'm doing the upstairs comedy club. Miami, Florida. I just booked my flight there. Houston, Texas. And then I got a bunch of different theater gigs coming up here,

like Salt Lake City, Boise, Washington DC. Go to chrislea.com and that's where you get those tickets. And honestly, dude, Isn't that amazing? So I got my, I finally got my key map here. So now what I can do is I didn't have this last time because they made me renew my license or something. It's just hilarious.

So now I can just do this the whole time. But it is what it is. I'm fresh out of Indianapolis. Indianapolis is the fifth biggest city in America. And I know this because I use chat GPT to have conversations. Now I leave it on. We chat me and the lady, even though it's not really a lady. I don't, I keep trying to get her to have more sass.

She won't. She goes, all right, I'll update that. And then she doesn't do it. I have her be like, could you give me more attitude? Because like, I don't want them to be so nice and agreeable. Tell me the info, but do it like, you know, I even told her to do it like a New York guy. I couldn't change it to a man, which you can change it to a man, but you have to go in manually and do it. But like, you should just be able to be like, hey, make it a guy. But they

don't do that because they don't want you to be like, oh, well, what's a guy though, and what's a woman? Even though we all know what a woman is and what a guy is, but we have to pretend like we don't. So it's fine. But I have this other thing where it's like, I did a bit on my last special Grow or Die. You could watch it on Crystalia,

you can watch it on my YouTube channel. And I'm very proud of it. But I did a bit about Caitlyn Jenner and I talk about it. And in the bit I talk about, I say, she. And, you know, a lot of the comments are, you mean he, and they're heated, they're mad. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know yeah I know I know I get it I know what I know that he was born a man and then he cut his penis off hey if you cut your penis off respect

respect dude I don't like okay you know like that's one of those things where if if somebody was saying they were trans and they were like, okay, well, what if I cut my penis off? You'd be like, all right, then okay, cool. Then okay, you could be a woman. You could be, you would do that. You would acquiesce. Because it's like, that's just nuts.

Like are you a magician if you get a twisty mustache, wear a top hat, and have tails, and constantly do this? Even if you do no tricks? No, but you'd be mistaken for one. You'd be like, oh, look at the magician guy. So that's it. That's it. But I was in Indianapolis, the fifth biggest city in Los Angeles, in America. And the shows were good. There was a very drunk heckler, the late Saturday show.

And it was, I'll never understand. I mean, you know, she was very drunk, whatever, but I don't, I, you know, Hey, I got it. I got a question though. Honestly, what the fuck is Indianapolis? Like being for real, what I like, when I think of great cities and Indianapolis is not bad, it's not bad, I'm not trashing it, but there are cities that are like, okay, so here we go. These are cities that you go to, that you hear about a lot, that have a lot of history, even though every city has a lot of history.

You go New York, Los Angeles, Vancouver, Toronto, Austin, these are the ones you hear about. Chicago, Seattle, these are the ones you hear about. Chicago, Seattle, these are the ones you hear about. Even Portland, even though, you know, nine times out of ten, it's about, it's something very annoying. There are Miami, these are the ones you hear about. And then there are other places, and those places, a lot of those places are sleepers like uh uh uh uh savannah georgia that's a very cool place and it is talked about but it's not one of the upper echelon known places do you know what i mean it's like a uh you know charleston is a great place and if you're anybody

that knows anything you know it's a cool place but my point is it's not in those like, you know, top dog cities. Denver is a top dog city. You know what I'm saying? And, uh, Portland, Maine is a, if you like that kind of thing, it's not for me, but you like that kind of thing, you know, but then there are cities that are just. Kind of it's like, what? I'm at, you're in Indianapolis and it's just, there are all sorts of people.

And in New York, it's like, it's a melting pot. And in Los Angeles, it's like in a melting pot. But when you're in Indianapolis, you go, the fuck are all these different people doing here? You know what I'm saying? Because you're in Indianapolis, but it's like, you're just, where's the center, dude? There's a, there's a, a long,

there's always a long dick statue. You know what I mean? Like the Washington monument, there's always like a big dick monument somewhere in a city that's got no business. No one, what it is. They go, yeah, but we got that big dick monument thing, dude. If you look down the street, you look straight to it, head there. And then you go there and there'll be some, um some, the thing about that is there'll be some pot,

what's the pot, what's that sandwich place? Potbellies? There'll be potbellies, and that's how you know you're in a thing. That's where you know you're downtown. Sup! So I was in Indianapolis, and here's how you know, okay. Okay, so it's got the Colts, great, cool. Huge football team, okay.

But then the next thing they do is they say, hey, when you're there though, you gotta try the shrimp cocktail in St. Elmo's. And you go, oh. And then you have it. You don't even realize it's you. Then you realize it's about the sauce. Um, you know what I'm saying? So anyway, Indianapolis, uh, I had fun shows, but it's just like, you go like this. Oh,

it's three hours away from Chicago. You go that okay you got that but who is everybody there I don't know I don't know what I do know is I have a crink in my neck which is great dude every time a thing gets better on my body another thing goes. Got this. Actually, I got this. Yo, oh dude, back's all good. There's, it's a, back's all good, huh? Got this. Let me get the neck. Got it.

He's fucked for another week. Lower back. Neck good. Let's get the lower back going. Got it. There will not be one day where he's pain free. Thanks. Dude, have you ever had a pain free day? You know what? Living is surviving is figuring out the meaning through suffering. Yes! Who said it? Somebody said it, right?

Plato or something? The maker of Plato? The inventor of Plato? Surviving, let's see, surviving, viving, wow. Nothing like knowing you're an idiot when you start typing, huh? Surviving is, wait, what is it?

Life is surviving, what did I say? Who cares, dude? Not checking it. Don't wanna. Don't wanna, you check it if you're interested. If you're not, I don't, it doesn't matter, dude. But this is, you know, it's a great, it's a great, dude, I got to see my kids, I got to, you know, hug them and stuff.

When I flew home yesterday, and dude, I, man, the older I get, the more when I'm tired, the next day, what happened the day before? Do you know what I mean? 45 is where your body goes, oh, you're gonna be tired? We'll forget it all. I got like, and there were a few nights in Indianapolis that I just couldn't sleep. I kept waking up. Like, I'm an idiot. I watched that movie Profile.

It's a screen share movie where a journalist goes undercover trying to find out how ISIS recruits women from London and then turn them into sex traffickers or whatever. And it's like, I just, I wake up at 2 a.m. and I go, oh yeah, that movie. And I play it on Amazon Prime and I just go, oh, I guess I'll just stay up and watch the whole thing. And then I'm toast! That day. And then the next day I wake up early to fly and I'm, dude, I am toast. I am toast. And then I get home and then I go, oh, I'll sleep. And I sleep and then I don't remember shit that day, Sunday.

And my wife's like, can you, and I'm like, can you, I'm gonna go to the hardware store, she'll just say some shit. I'm gonna go to the hardware store. I'm gonna, could you do, I'm going to go to the hardware store or she'll just say some shit. I'm going to go to the hardware store. I'm going to, could you put Billy down? And I go, all right. I don't even know what she's saying, dude. I just coast my babies. I coast dude, but we're in a simulation. So it's all good. We're in a simulation so it's all good. We're in a simulation, and it's all good.

Um... Introducing TurboTax Business, a brand-new way to file your own T2 return, all while getting help from an expert who actually knows small businesses. Got a tattoo studio, toy store, tiny-but-mighty taco stand? We've

got someone who gets small business taxes inside and out. Experts are standing by to help and review while you file, so you know your return's done right. Intuit TurboTax Business, new from TurboTax Canada. Some regional exclusions apply. Learn more at TurboTax.ca slash business tax. No frills, delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from no frails with pc express shop online and get fifteen dollars in pc optimum points on your first five orders shop now at no frails dot c a

heavily farts heavenly father are. Dude. Absolutely friggin just. Why can't you get canceled for that? Going to hell right here. Right here. Right here. Right here. Go into hell in three, two, one. Go into hell! There are hearts. Come on, dude. How did everyone not laugh so hard? Come on, dude. Before we begin, let's pray.

Let's pray. Heavenly farts. Before we begin, let's pray. Let's pray. Heavenly farts. Dude. Heavenly farts. Dude, when you have to do two... When you're so excited about saying two of the words in the sentence... ...heavenly father art thou. You know what I mean? You're just like so ready to go, and you just go, oh, heavenly farts. Oh, man. Oh, man. Like, if I want to eat broccoli and go to the bank. Oh, I can't wait to eat Brankley. Ah, fuck.

Such an idiot. People are dumb, dude. Can't wait to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank.

I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank.

I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. I'm going to go to the bank. Frankly, ah fuck, such an idiot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. People are dumb, dude. Ha ha ha ha ha. Can't wait to go to the brank. Ah fuck, sorry, she's cooking broccoli tonight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, ha ha ha ha.

Brank, oh shit, dude. I am chill, dude. I am chill and my neck hurts. You ever go like this? I'm going to eat, I'm going to eat, I'm going to eat a pizza. I'm going to eat some pizza. And yes, I did have a burger earlier and then I'm going to do that. And then the next day you wake up and you go, huh, that was a bad idea. And then you go, I should stop doing that. And then you go, was a bad idea and then you go, I should stop doing that. And then you go, oh fuck man, but it's so convenient. And then you go, ah, well I'll do it.

I'll just do it maybe a few more times. And you just keep doing it, right? You don't want to, but you also want to. So you keep doing it until you die that's what life is right he's existential he's existential my babies he's freaking crazy existential dude he's in a crisis and it's all good we just pick up not to have a crisis for doing the podcast for eight years? You're not gonna have a crisis? You ever see fucking people walking around just being,

you go, why aren't, isn't your brain broken? You find out, the internet really exposed how many people have their brains just utterly broken. How come there's not more? Are you kidding me? Life? Come on, life. And I'm, Come on, life.

And I'm, I'm, dude. And I'm not even, heavenly farts, dude. Ha ha dude just how did he do it god i mean his whole family at the afterwards was just you said heavenly farts you had to talk about heavenly farts and then one of the things I did was when I, I couldn't sleep, I watched this other, you know, I told you about the profile movie. I watched this, I get a text from Eric Griffin in the middle of the day.

I mean, in Indianapolis, he texts me this movie, wow. And so I go, what? He said it's really traumatizing. I go, let's see it. Click on it, watch the whole thing, okay? It's called Zero Day, and it's not the De Niro one on Netflix, where De Niro is the president, the ex-president or whatever, that one.

Honestly, that's such a forgettable show and whatever. It's just De Niro as the president that needs to, as the ex-president that needs to fix the day, save the day is just, it's just not, like he's such a great actor, but like, what the fuck, you know, get, get, get, huh? That, that just makes no sense to me. It's just having him for that role. But he's De Niro, so he does what he wants,

and that's cool. But there's a movie called Zero Day that was in 2003, and it was about a school attack, and where the, you know, like Columbine. I take Kevin Semminkens and Columbine, put them all in the line. Remember that? and where the, you know, like Columbine. I think Kevin Semminkens and Columbine put them all in the line. Remember that?

And so, I watched this movie and it is, it might be the best found footage movie I've ever seen, I don't know, but man, it's about these kids and you just, you're going through this day with these kids, no, sorry, this year with these kids and you know what they're gonna end up doing to people at the school. And you really are like watching this movie

and feeling like, oh, I see how, I never felt like, wow, oh, I see how they're actually getting wrapped up in this. They think they're soldiers. They think that this is something that needs to be done. They think that they, you know, and I understand, I get that this is something, I already knew that that's something that they think,

but to watch it, you feel how they get through it. And it's like, oh man, it was such a worthwhile watch. It's so sad. And then I did that and did two shows. It's like I watched these kids shoot up these schools and then I watched, it's not real, but it's a movie. And then I got to do two shows talking about how I went to go buy a bench on Facebook Marketplace.

It's just like, but it's sad though because this stuff really happens. And oh my God, as a dad, now when you watch movies as a dad, dude, you go, oh, I don't, dude, oh, what was that thing I was, where you making a feedback loop, you're making a feedback loop in your brain

about things that you didn't know existed. And then you know when like you hear about something for the first time and then you keep hearing about it and you're like, what the fuck? That isn't happening. What's happening is you just solidified the loop feedback, the feedback loop of learning what that is. And so like now when I watch movies, I go, oh, why are there so many kids getting stabbed? But it's because now I have the loop feedback that it means something to me. And I'm just realizing that that's in the movies.

It's not just because I had kids they say when uh Like that that blue wasn't a this is actually a mindfuck, dude I saw this video the other day where it's like blue wasn't a color in history until very recently and I go, what? And I watched this fucking stupid YouTube video on it and the guy is just breaking down why blue wasn't a color until we decided it was a color

and then we started being able to see the color blue and I'm like watching this whole thing like this, I'm just like this. And by the end of the thing, I go, oh yeah, of course that's what it is. Because think about pink, think about, okay wait, think about this, think about all the shades of red,

think about all the shades of red, okay? Think about dark red, think about bright red, think about neon red, think about, it's all red. If you were to see it, you go, what's that color? And then someone else says all red. If you were to see it, you go, what's that color? And then someone else says red. No asshole is like, oh, you know, carnation, but you know, you're an asshole if you do that. And plus, it's still got the red in it. If you say neon red, dark red,

you know maroon is kind of a color, but you don't really, you say, you know, You know, maroon is kind of a color, but you don't really, you say, you know, you don't say maroon. It's not a main color. Blue was like that. Blue was like maroon. Blue, they would say it was dark. They would say it was black. Back in history, the word blue was never, it wasn't in the Bible. Oh, oh, oh, doubt me. It wasn't in the Bible. The, the, the, the blue, that word, not a Bible. Oh, you know what it is? White, black, you know what it is? Oh, red, green, blue, not. So once certain cultures started deciding that the sky was blue and that, oh man, this is, you gotta look this up, dude. It has

nothing, I'm not explaining this right because I fucking, I'm so tossed because of the fucking sleep deprivation, but dude, pink was red, bro. That was a color that you'd look at and you'd go, that's red. And now that we've seen it enough and call it pink, that that feedback that we give our brain, we loop, it keeps looping and now we see pink. And that solidifies pink to be looking more like pink. And that's what happened with blue way back when.

Isn't that crazy, dude? There was no blue until we were like, that's blue. And then created it in our minds and then could see blue more. What the fuck, dude? And it's like, you gotta hear all about all this shit. And then you think about how we're not in a, I mean, we might be in a simulation, man.

Like that's just, that's just crazy, man. Trying to explain, and then it's like, I'm trying to explain this to you guys and it's so hard. And then also explaining to my son why he doesn't have to be scared of wolves is so hard. Even though I can just say they're not around here. Cause then he's like,

but what if one of them find its way to our house? And I'm like, but that's not gonna happen. Why? Because they're very far away. Yeah, but they can walk. Yeah, I know, but it would take them so long. Okay. Well what if it started three months ago? Oh fuck. Well, yeah, but it's not going to do that because it needs food and stuff. Well,

there's food on the way. Yeah, I know, but it created a whole, the way, God damn it. I don't know. Maybe you, you know what I mean? I can't explain anything. I can't explain anything. I can't explain anything. That's just, it's too hard to explain things. That's what I'm realizing. Tom Cruise getting squirted with the microphone as a practical joke.

This was so long ago. But also, this is so long ago, but also This is a war of the worlds, but also how he does it dude Tom Cruise is He is the definition of control, you know, like how has he never had a Scandal that's fucked his life up, right the dude dude's, he's a Scientologist, okay? He is like, like people are like, oh yeah, he's gay, but like that's not really a thing though.

Is he just so big that he's on this escape of velocity where it's just like, you can't take him down because he's that big maybe. But like, remember when he jumped on the couch in Oprah? Like that was a thing kind of, but then it just kind of went away. That would have like fucked up so many stars. Yes, I'm married, I love my wife.

When he was just like jumping on the couch. Yes, her big beautiful naturals, I love tits. Like that is so something that would fucking ruin A star my god, we made love the other night and we both had crazy huge orgasms. It was intense They were almost as big as our beautiful natural tits Squirted them Look at him. Brought him over so interested in why he would do it. Why would you do that? Why would you do that?

Just fuming but controlled. Why would you do that? Ask three times. No, no, no, come here. He takes his hand like it's milady like he's gonna kiss it. No Why would you do that? Ask again four times and the guy is going like this Hey, you're an adult answer you're an adult answer. Not very funny. Can you please? No, no, it's okay. No, no, wait a second.

Oh, wants to control it even more. That's the thing. Alright, let's get him out of here. No, no, no, wait one second. Let's go. Hold on one second. Just utter fucking control, dude. The guy could land a plane. What's so funny about that?

Oh! Genuinely wants to know. But gives the air of maybe it's something that I don't really understand. Huh? Like, you know what? He, you know what? You know what? He's giving the energy of this.

Huh? It is fantastic. I wish stuff like this happened to me. So I could just sit back and go, huh. Dude, he, okay. Do you like making a mess of people? Or is that what he said? Less of people? It's ridiculous. Do you like making less of people?

Making less of people, yes. Somebody's out from your phone. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be taking it like that. Okay, well he did apologize and he didn't mean for him to take it like that. He thought it'd be an all in good fun. Interesting, interesting, huh? This is a lot like, you know, Palestine and Israel.

Here we go. They just don't really. Mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, doing mean things to people. Honestly, Tom Cruise is acting like, for real, a seven year old. Here. Hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Can't drop a dog with a bone a dog with a fucking bone Nasty Oh a dog with a bone You're a jerk. You're a jerk.

You know what? Turn the cameras off. Turn the cameras off. Come closer. You should be ashamed of yourself. Oh, and he says, it's amazing. Oh my God. That is fan-frin-kin-tastic. Let's pause it. Oh my god, it's so interesting.

Because when he paused it at the squirt, his instinct is to smile through it and laugh. Dude, this is, this hurts me. Because he's mad. Fuck. Yo, that's actually, I'm thinking about this right now, that is the most dis- fucking disrespectful thing to do. I know it's a joke, but also he's like, hey, you're a fucking celebrity, let's fucking getcha.

Like he's a fucking animal. Like, gotcha, you stupid pussy. Dude, he couldn't, but Tom Cruise, dude, props to him for just the number one food. Nah, fucking for being able to just uh, hold tight. The epitome of control, the absolute epitome of control. I go like this in Indianapolis. I get to the hotel. There's a bar.

The food has looked good there, okay? The food has looked good there when I went. I walked by it every time I walked by now. I got that fucking cold brew there, it was really nice. I got a nice cold brew there, dude. And I kept drinking cold brews. And I walk it through the, and I see the restaurant, I go, that guy's really nice food. Fuck yeah, man. And I'm happy I see the restaurant echo that has really nice food Fuck yeah, man, and I'm happy. I'm at a place that has like close, you know the Omni hotel, right?

I don't know. There's it's a chain. Whatever who cares and I walk out of the I get home or I get back to the hotel from the the the the What do you call it the gigs? Okay? and I walked past the restaurant and I go, I'm going to go there for fuck's sake, dude. I'm going to sit down and I'm going to get food, but I got to ask when the kitchen closes because you don't ask when the restaurant closes because that is the wrong thing to ask. If you ask when the restaurant call, they'll just straight up be like two,

but the kitchen goes at 11.30. You know what I'm saying? So you go, all right, well, you ask when the kitchen goes, so I go up to the concierge, who is, hey dude, at the hotel, you're the man. That's you. They might as well call you Mr. Hotel. You're the,

you're the guy. Okay. So woke up to the concierge and I say, Hey, when does that restaurant close? And he says it's open, but the kitchen closes at 12th and I go Fuck yeah, dude, cuz it's 11 40 I Look at Sam and I go smash burger time, isn't it? And he goes yeah It might be let's put our stuff back in our rooms come back down and order a smash burger and he goes

Fuck. Yeah, we go up put our stuff come back down and order a smash burger. And he goes, fuck yeah. We go up, put our stuff, we both go to the bathroom, grump it out and come back down, sit at the place and we say, hey, can we get smash burgers? And the guy says, oh, you know what? We just took in our last orders, we can't do anymore. It's 11.45. And I said, I thought that you guys close at 12.

He said, yes, sometimes we you know, closing in them, them, them, them, them, whatever he said. And I walked back to the concierge because hello, man, you're supposed to be the man. Now, I'm now in this situation as mad as Tom Cruise when he gets squirted with a microphone. All right? So I walk over to the concierge and I say, now listen, man, because I can't let it go. I'm gonna talk on the phone. Listen, man, when I got here, it was 1140, and I had bags with me, and you told me that the kitchen closes at 12,

and I would have time to go put my stuff back up there, and I came back down, and they said, they just did last call for food, I wasn't able to eat anything, and now I just wanted you to know that that happened. And I did and he says oh man you know what that's on me I'm really sorry and I go okay I guess I don't get to you know can you give me a little attitude so I can be a little more mad and get it out?

Right? Because he was so nice. And I was like, where can I go then? And he says, dude, you gotta go to this one place, has phenomenal breadsticks. And I go, dude, you're not, are you, I'm not, this is, can you, breadsticks, dude, you're not, are you? I, I, I, I'm not a, this is, can you. Breadsticks, dude, it's midnight.

I'm going to fucking sit. I'm going to eat breadsticks. Fuck it. Well, you know, and like, I, you know, okay. I had a fuck at a, at a, a, a bar. I'm going to eat breadsticks at a bar. Whatever, dude, I don't, this, I walk inside, there's a taco truck. So I go fuck everyone. Let's see what's up, taco truck.

And I get the fucking, I get the burrito, dude. And Sam fucks up and he gets beef tacos, you know? You get the burrito dude. And I got the burrito. And I ate it and you know what it was? A fucking six out of ten. This is what it's like being on the road. And then I go into my hotel room.

And we sit and we watch a little Forensic Files and we- and... There was no hot sauce dude. Whatever man. And we sit and we watch a little forensic files and we end. There was no hot sauce, dude. Whatever, man. It is what it is. I don't give a fuck. And I ate it. And then the next day I felt like utter shit. God damn, dude.

Well, I don't mean to complain. I don't even mean to complain. I don't. I have a great life. Even though I was in Indianapolis for four days in a row. But, uh... You know. That's what it is. Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Thank you so I yawn. What the fuck?

Come on. The way she's dancing. Oh! Wow, that's a weird dance, huh? That's the worst dancing I've ever seen in my life, if I'm honest, dude. The way she's twirling and twisting. That's a weird dance, huh? That's the worst dancing I've ever seen in my life, if I'm honest, dude. The way she's twirling and twisting. Wow, but okay, so here's the thing. It's bad, but you're talented at it.

How are you bad at something you can, how are you bad and talented? Wow, she did it, dude. She was able to figure out how to be bad and talented at being bad. What the dancing? dude. He lifts her up like that Okay, I'm watching it and it just fucking air eating her pussy And now mashing privates together That's incredible Oh fucking his side

You know what dude, oh How are they doing this? the pussy eater I Mean dude just an excuse to get his face in her mouth Dude this is on real I mean... God, newscasters just fucking say the most boring shit over and over again, you know? Here I am standing here in front of the fireworks and fireworks as we know, they could create a heck of a bang. So we're all just kind of on standby. We don't know who they belong to, but there are a huge, there is a huge truck with a bunch of fireworks and they could,

what would happen was one firework would go off and then consecutive fireworks would go off that would be what was happening like what are you saying dude evacuated the street value the estimate is probably north of $200,000 I am told again one person in custody charges include child endangerment because they were kids in the house at the time these are just fireworks in a truck outside in a neighborhood H-U-C, explosives are secure and they close the hatch. Oh!

The LAPD comes clean about its bomb technicians catastrophic mistake. What? Everybody started running and I couldn't find my mom. Everybody was screaming going crazy. Oh my god. It blew up. That thing is supposed to hold up? Hold it?

Oh my god. Oh. When was this? Two weeks ago. It looks like it's almost like a big pressure cooker or something where they may be able to actually detonate some of these explosives on site. That's going to be quite a loud explosion, then similar explosions or consecutive explosions going on for several minutes. Nobody's been evacuated. The street value, the estimate is probably north of $200,000 I am told. That thing blew up!

Holy shit! Oh no! Oh no. Gosh Well, why did they do it in the middle of the fucking neighborhood it was on a truck hey drive away dude Hey guy, you're literally just in like a fucking cul-de-sac. All right, this should be fine. This should be good. You know what? You know what, dude?

Hey kids, get out here. Look at this. Yeah. Hey, everyone in the neighborhood, check this out. Oh, oh fuck, everyone died. Oh, that guy, oh shit, okay. Maybe we should have took it somewhere. Maybe we should have took it somewhere.

That is just crazy. Crazy. Good morning, sir. This guy wore a world's best farter shirt to court. Dude. Hell yeah. This is this and I don't even like I don't like guys who do kind of shit like this. But but world's best farder is an unreal shirt and to wear that in a dude. What made you think that was a good shirt to wear to court this morning?

That's all you could find? That's all the only shirt you had? Oh dude, a kid. A kid in school, dude. That would, Danny Vick would have said that when I was younger. That's all I could find right now. What do you mean? You don't have other shirts? Yeah, I mean, but you know. That's all I could find right now. The guy's 40. You know, such a lie. It's all I could find right now. Oh, did you check your fucking closet, dude?

Hey, guy. World's best parter. That's great. No, it says I can read it. I see what it says at the bottom. You're in felony court. You need to dress appropriately to felony court. I mean gonna gonna be guilty. You know, you did it anyway. Click. Dude. Good morning sir. What made you think that was a good shirt to wear to court this morning? Bro. Why does he look like the opposite of an albino? That's hilarious. What, dude, what is crazy is...

What if she was just like, honestly, what if she was so pissed off? Because earlier in the day she thought she was like ripping, honestly, what if she was so pissed off because earlier in the day she thought she was like ripping some pretty fucking dope farts. And she was like, man, I gotta be honest. I know I'm a judge and everything, but I might be the world's best parter. And then this dude came out as a Salekafine, just disrespecting the fart game. Salekafine, that disrespect in the fart game. Solid fine. That's the one I found.

That's crazy to be a grownup and wear a world's best fart or shirt. You know, that's insane. Why just survive back to school when you can thrive by creating a space that does it all for you, no matter the size. Whether you're taking over your parents' basement or moving to campus, IKEA has hundreds of design ideas and affordable options to compliment any budget.

After all, you're in your small space era. It's time to own it. Shop now at ikea.ca. now at ikea.ca. Oh, have you ever seen someone more the shit than this guy? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? This is from the account on TikTok, not bothered KNOT. Twirling and shit around.

Okay, we're going to start off with a clove hitch. Very arousing. The shit dude! Very arousing. Like, why that word? You know? You're not getting a fucking boner. He's basically twirling

this is exactly the gayest thing you can do is twirling rope like this and like flinging it and then letting it un-fling and then saying it's very arousing Equally as a rousing How excited okay, oh my god this guy practiced this this is The the guy watches Indiana Jones and he goes, honestly, fuck him. This is the... Okay, we're going to start off with a clove hitch. First of all, first of all, he is the shit right away. He is the shit right away. Yo, this guy...

Because you can tell he thinks he's pretty fucking bad ass because of the shirt he's wearing. It's a black shirt that doesn't really fit right. And if you, you either, you're either, if you're wearing one of those black shirt that kind of shows your titties if you're a guy, you know, like if you're a guy and it kind of shows that you have like a lumps,

you either don't, are fucking oblivious and don't give a lumps, you either don't are fucking oblivious and don't give a shit or you think I actually look great and everyone should be happy about this. And this is what this guy is because he's also got long hair and he should not have this long hair looks like a crocker spaniel. But this guy just is like the shit.

I've never seen someone more the shit than this guy. Okay, we're gonna start off with a clove hitch. Very arousing. Are you, I mean. Then you're gonna do a perfection loop equally as arousing and finish off with a bow line. And I'm excited, honestly. Yo life should work like this.

If you figure out how to do something like that, you get money for it. Like like in video games, like the guy did that with those hooks, lassoed some hooks, did a nod around a pole. Where the fuck is he, by the way? You know? What is this, like, one of the, where they shot a fight scene in Tango and Cash? But, like, you should just get money,

like, how you can do tricks in video games and get coins. This guy's acting like it's a fucking, like he's Tony Hawk. I wonder how a guy gets good at that dude. The internet made you realize there's some wacky people out there huh? He really is the shit. Oh man. How does he do this? It's pretty cool, I guess. Definitely uses in the bedroom, you know. Definitely uses in the bedroom.

Oh, here we go. Yo Chris got a message. Thanks for convincing me to shave my chest hair into the Batman logo before my cousin's wedding. I got kicked out of the reception but gained 47 new Instagram followers. So honestly, worth it. I did not convince that guy that, but anyway, that's what the message was.

Go to hollardotbabyslashchristly if you wanna get a shout out on this podcast like this one. Transform your vehicle with stage five wraps. Protect your paint, change that dull color, or promote your brand with our premium vinyl and PPF services today. Stage5wraps.com. Dude, here's what I want to know is how much... I always wondered this, okay? That's a holler, but now this is the podcast. What I always wanted to know is, when you see the guy driving down the street with the car that says stuff on it, like a website,

and I don't mean like, ADDoo, remember that guy? Remember that guy? That ADDoo, AD commercial? AD? ADDoo, here we go. 80 do commercial. Here we go. 80 plumbing commercial from the 80s.

God, this 80 do shit. Wow, everything. Such bad. Who knows what danger lurks in your plumbing? ADDoo. Plumbing problems, heating problems. Call who? ADDoo. Replace all...

First of all, that already doesn't make any sense. Shut up, Sam! ...fixers, clean those drains. Who can do? ADDoo. Fast, reliable service. One, eight hundred. Five, five, four, fifty-eight, fifty-eight. Gets who? ADDoo. Fast reliable service one eight hundred five five four fifty eight fifty eight gets who? ADDoo. Why do they keep saying do at the end? It really bothers me because it's not grammatically it doesn't make sense. 1949 AD plumbing and

heating. They're not saying things like who's the person who does this? You know uh ADDoo that would make sense, but they're not. They're just like, sup. And he's like, 80 do. Do you like, they're not saying, do you like plumbing? 80 do. They're just saying, what's the weather like? 80 do.

What happened? 80 do that too. Wow, that commercial fucking sucks. You know? I remembered it. Yeah, that's the problem, dude. Do you hear my dog barking? You for sure hear it on the podcast, which is what I want you to. Somebody go out there, take the dog by the neck and the tail and then pull them apart. He'll stop parking. So if you're the guy though who has just like,

because in LA there will be a guy who I guess like is just like maybe a rapper or something and he has his album on the side of the car and it's like who the fuck is looking at that and going, oh shit. And you know what? I haven't even seen that in a while. It seems like since the streaming days, that doesn't happen anymore, which is fucking absolutely insane because that's when you do it.

Is you be like, oh, that guy, oh, that's fine, listen to this music right now. But these guys just do fucking, they used to do it with CDs. They'd be like, yo, oh man, I don't understand people who wrap their cars and do shit like that. But anyway, if you have a business, okay. But I just saw an Audi the other day

where it was like wrapped in this thing and it said Audi, what do you call it? thing and it said Audi, Audi, what do you call it? Performance and Audi green technology. And it's just like, dude, what the fuck, dude? That's what you're doing to your car? It is what it is. But everybody, I really appreciate you. And thank you for listening to this podcast. Like and subscribe. Go watch my special Grow or Die. Also friggin sign up for the Patreon. It keeps this podcast going.

And also I'll be in Houston and that place in Alabama soon. Or Arkansas. Go to chrisday.com. Appreciate you.