Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 455. The Bounceback

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

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RUNK Okay welcome to another episode of congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! It is Congratulations! Episode 455 and it is

the greatest episode that we've ever done so that's great, you know it's a nice day outside, you know? I don't mean to like give you the weather, but the weather's nice and I'm happy. And I can deal with the humidity that the other parts of the country have.

I gotta go to Alabama this weekend and it will be humid. And it is not my top market. So it will be humid and it is not my top market. So it will be humid and not my top market. And I will just, I'll chill there, dude. Huntsville, Alabama, I hear it's a cool place. I hear it's, you've got to go some to find a cooler area, a cooler, more upcoming area in Alabama than that. And so I don't know.

I don't know how it stacks up against the rest of the world, but I'll let you know afterwards, dude. I'll let you know afterwards, because I will be, and you know what, I'll know more about the world at the end of this year, because I'll be in Europe. I mean, Copenhagen, London, Oslo, Amsterdam, and Dublin. And I'll be bubbling in Dublin as well. So go to chrislea..com and then a bunch of other dates

like Salt Lake City and you know what I mean, another Boise, I got just a lot, Washington DC, Chicago, and then I'm gonna be in Miami too. Do you know what? It's gonna be humid in Alabama, it's gonna be humid in Miami, yay. Okay, it's gonna be too humid and that's fine. I love it, I love the humidity, I love the heat, I love the hotness, and I just kinda...

I mean, maybe moving to a place like that would be nice for me, you know? Like, just like a place where it's just always warm. Because I just, I mean, honestly, it's too cold, and even in LA sometimes. Dude, I'm always cold. I am always cold. My wife will go to bed before me sometimes sometimes and she'll go up and I'll go into the bedroom and I'm just like, oh, you're an Eskimo. It's icicle here and it's absolutely horrible and I have to like jump into bed like a little, like I have wings, like a fairy,

like I have to jump into bed and hide under the covers because it's so cold. And that's just me, dude, you know? So when she's like, so when some stuff goes down, like, you know, when we're in trouble or there's like some sort of threat and she says, handle it, that's the guy who she's asking to handle it. The guy who gets too cold. Okay? And that's that.

And that's that. And that's that. So it's mostly air conditioning that I hate, but whatever. We don't need to talk about the temperature here in this podcast, because that's the most boring thing in the whole world. But it is nice out. I've been really trying to track my moods lately to see why I get into such great moods and why I get into such bad moods.

Because I'll tell you what, I'll be in a great mood and then bad mood goes, hey, is there something going on here? Can I come in? And good mood goes, oh, you know what actually, yeah, we're gonna get out of here. And then the rest of like for an hour and a half or two hours or sometimes five, I'm just partying with bad mood.

I'm just partying, I'm at a house party with bad mood. And it just, it absolutely sucks. And good mood is out there somewhere because it's gonna come back, but it's out there somewhere doing something else. It's with, you know, it's with somebody making love or being grateful, you know? And I'm just sitting here, oh,

in the kitchen of the party with bad mood, you know? And it just, and I'm just waiting, waiting for him to leave the party It's just too it you know because today I woke up and I felt great went to get coffee got coffee felt good and then Went to go do something else. I can't remember what it was, but I started feeling like so bad dude. Yes Yes

And now I feel kind of okay again. It's not okay. I just found out that there were like 20 different species of humans until, uh, sorry hominids until the human race is the one that kind of like beat everyone out. And so I'm still like kind of maybe that was why I was in a bad mood. Cause it's like, oh, we're nothing. All good. Hey, we're basically birds. All good.

Hey, oh, we're cows. Nope, no problem, man. Oh, hey, hey, dude. No, it's all good, man. Hey, no problem, man. Yo, hey, we're hyenas. It's all cool. Yeah, we were just, all we do is laugh and fuck.

All good. Oh, it doesn't, and that doesn't matter. So it's all good. You know, we good. Oh, and that doesn't matter. So it's all good. You know, we're just like, there's a ton of different species of snakes because they all chill with each other. There's a ton of different species

of underwater animals because they just chill with each other. Hominids? One. Humans. Why? Because we pretty much obliterated the rest of the hominids, and occasionally we fucked the other species of hominids. And we don't know if there's been mixed species, you know, with the different hominids. But that would explain a lot of why people take too long at fucking

while I'm trying to get a goddamn, you know, uh, like, dude, I mean, I'm literally in line today getting a, I want four shots over an espresso, you know, espresso. And here I am thinking when I'm about to order, I, you know, sometimes I say quad shot, but then occasionally I'll say quad shot and people will be like uh what and I'm like that's four who doesn't first of all who who does you don't have to speak Spanish to know quad is four because it's also four in English right and uh and and I'm sitting there thinking do I say quad shots or do I say four shots over ice? Because I don't want, because I have had people say,

what's quad shot? And I don't wanna deal with that. Now here's the other thing, I don't wanna deal with the person saying, cause this will be me. Can I get four shots over ice? This will be me if I worked at a coffee shop. Because I'm very specific.

I go like this. Are you saying you want four shots in one cup or do you want four single shots? And that's fair and that's valid. It's valid because that's the way to say that. Even though you should say can I have four single shots of espresso all over each over ice. I understand. I would still ask that to make sure. But I'm thinking of this when I'm behind two women ordering like this. when I'm behind two women ordering like this.

Hey, fucking say it. Hey, dude, there was a line. When you get up to the cash register, say it. Dude, and also say it. And also though, when places have two cash registers and no one wants it being used, I go crazy. I said it. If you have two cash registers and the line is more than five people,

fucking absolutely have one of the 900 employees because at coffee shops dude sup with all the employees man what are they what are they doing grinding beans okay you know making a thing fine hey you got two cash registers get one of those fucking hippies and get them behind the other cash register so the shit moves quicker, okay? Now, wow, I'm actually getting real stirred. I'm getting pretty crazy right now thinking about this because they're busy making all of the coffees that they're backed up on because there's one line.

Anyway, there's two women that are just like, and then the girl says, behind the counter, says, the girl, the worker, she says, what size do you want? And the lady says, what are the sizes? Dude, hey, I'll tell you the sizes. Dude? Hey. I'll tell you the sizes. I'll tell you the sizes.

Small. Medium. And large. Right, dude? And if you want to get crazy, excel. Or just say something. Just not ready at all, dude. Just not ready at all.

What kind of fucking hominid did your ancestors mate with to make you? The little midget one, there were little ones that used to climb trees and just have big heads and just fucking shake the trees. I saw a fucking YouTube video and I say I didn't, but I did. Hominids, man. I'm into hominids dude but they say that's why the uncanny valley is so I was talking about the uncanny valley

I was I was thinking of the uncanny valley which is for those of you that don't know it's not a band that was in 2002 that used to tour and open for Death Cab with Cutie, even though it probably was. It's, uh, it's, it's, it's uncanny and uncanny. Uncanny Valley is why is the area of, it's why we feel weird and scared around things that look human, but are a little bit off. that look human but are a little bit off. Like for instance, robots are cute, aw, Wally, aw, you know, a robot walking around with no face, just like, zzz, or like, ha ha, that's cool, get one for the house.

If it starts to look too human, but there's something a little off, that uneasy feeling that you feel when you see it, that is the uncanny valley now. Why? Why would this spark fear for us to just see something kind of human? Because on its face, it's not scary. It's not a bomb. it's not a sharp knife it's literally a

doll I don't know a doll is scary looking okay if it if it so so that so that close to human but not it's guys I said there are a bunch of different theories now when there are a bunch of different theories now. When there are a bunch of different theories on something, that means there are a bunch of fucking idiots talking about it, right? Like there are the people that are like, well, there are the people that are like, well, the uncanny valley obviously comes from an alien race that was here thousands and millions of years ago that gave humans a run for their money and they looked like humans and they almost defeated us and now it's in our DNA

that we're scared of things that look almost human. And they'll say that with a straight face to a fucking YouTube channel, right? And they don't get, you know, people watch it and go, I mean, sure. Okay. But who knows why the uncanny Valley exists, but I'm just like, have you ever I'm just like, have you ever been anywhere? Where there's anybody? Hey, I'm scared. Dude, have you been to CVS?

I don't care if they're human or they look human. Hey, get away. Hey, ma'am. Ma'am in line waiting to get, you know, wet wipes, your prescription and some dentine. Hey, you're the uncanny valley. Get away. I'm scared. What? Like, people are like, well, it could be about disease. People look awful. There could be corpses.

You know, people are look like they're human, but they're lifeless and that's corpse. And we should shy away from, you know, disease and... Oh, no, dude. Oh, dude, dude, dude. Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude. Oh, dude. Hey. and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, dude, I mean this from the bottom of my anus, unless you're smoking fucking hot, back up, okay? Hey, hey, hey, dude, hey.

And I mean this from the bottom, the barrel of my taint. Dude, unless you're a 9.5 or above, male or female... Back... Up. Dude, I don't. It's just... And smell good? Okay. Otherwise you're going to make me think that maybe there was an alien race that millions of years ago came across our threaten us and then we had to take them out.

So that's all good. I'm just saying what kind of helmet are you? I am just absolutely with anybody that isn't a fucking under a nine point dude. I'm going to argue 9.8. under a nine point, dude, I'm going to argue 9.8. I don't know, man. It's just what I'm trying to say is, man, I'm on the internet,

you could just say stuff like this and people would be like, ha ha, that's hilarious. And now you just get, like, I remember Sarah Silverman, one time she tweeted black people, am I right? In like 2009 and everyone just saw it and was like, you know, imagine doing that now. You're just like, you can't, you can't.

So I'm just, I mean, you know, it's just a wild, it's just wild. And so I'm just like, you know, maybe there was an alien race that tried to fucking kill us or whatever. And all politicians are full of shit, dude. It's so annoying. And I said this to another guy recently, and he said, yeah, but don't use that both sides shit.

It's so annoying when one side fucks up worse than the other and I'm just like bro power sucks Power sucks dude because once you get it you want more and if you don't have it you want everyone to die and Then when you do get it you kind of secretly want everybody to die But you can't kill them, but you do secretly kind of kill some people when you do get it you kind of secretly want everybody to die but you can't kill them but you do secretly kind of kill some people when you're really powerful and not so secret if you're really really powerful fuck right i mean dude let's just talk about this freaking uh

talk about this frigging, uh, nothing makes any sense. Like there is, there is, there is the reason for not releasing the Epstein files is there is not, I suppose there could be one strong enough that they wouldn't release it, but also release it, right? Like it's like, here's the thing, like I can understand why they wouldn't want to, and I'm not saying that, I don't even know if they did or not, but why they wouldn't want to release all of the attendees at the Diddy party, okay?

Now, here's why. Okay, because just cause you went to one of those parties doesn't mean that you, you know what I mean, you were in line to get baby oil. You could have just been invited and been like, oh cool, whoa, hey, you got a little, what do you call it? Kish with the oh

Sarac. Wow a lot of sarac. I Love this song dude. I love loon. You know, I mean that rapper. Oh Dude I love this song by Mario just whoever was popping back in that you know I'm saying and like Nothing and didn't even know didn't even go into the doors where people were in line for baby oil. So releasing that, like saying, oh, there's proof that, you know, Ashton Kutcher was at the ditty party here, look. And when Ashton Kutcher is literally just there going like,

hey, this is crazy when he, you know what I mean? And then people are just like, oh, fuck this motherfucker, decapitate him, you know? And it's like that I can understand why they wouldn't want to release who was at the Diddy parties because of that. Okay? So then I'm like, all right, so say you were on a jet to Epstein Island, right?

Wow. Also it's hilarious his name is Epstein because that's not a good name for an island, you know? Epstein. It just sounds like there's a law firm there. And yeah, I'm going to Epstein. It just sounds like there's a law firm there. And yeah, I'm going to Epstein Island to get my taxes done, you know, like, so like you wouldn't think fucking was going on there. So we so you're on a jet and whoever's on the jet, there's people you see that are like oh

shit you know the Clintons and Trump and or whoever was on the jet and then they get there you get to the thing and then you go oh Prince what's his name was there and you know oh shit at what point do you go wait a minute You're already on the island. So you're fucked, right? So you come back and God, and you'd wanna be like, yo, I got a ton of these motherfuckers, but then you were there though, dude. So it's like in the files,

it has who was doing the egregious bad things. it has who was doing the egregious bad things. And if somebody says, oh, well, I'm gonna release the files, I'm gonna release the files, I'm gonna release the files, I'm gonna release the files, and then gets the files, and then goes like this, actually I'm gonna release the files. It did bad stuff. Okay? It did bad stuff. Okay. I said from the beginning, dude, they will never release this. It's too obvious.

It's just so and now it's a hoax. Okay. What part? It's a hoax? Okay. What part? Show us the part that was a hoax here. Oh, this is the part where they said, goofy fucked mini. Or whatever, you know? What was the hoax part?

Show us the part that was the hoax part? Show us the part that was the hoax part. Right? It's such bullshit. Every politician has been whore. Power sucks, dude. We should have known when Nintendo invented the power glove. Nobody used it. That was when we should have been like, hmm.

I just want to live in kind of like another, you know, it's hard to, because in LA, LA got so, got so bad. Or I guess California really. I mean, there's beautiful parts of California, you know. Like I was talking shit about, what was I talking shit about? Some city. And everyone was coming after me recently. I can't remember what it was, but I'll see if I just go. And, because it sucks. And, no, it's very obvious. And so, but people were like,

there's actually beautiful places right? Yeah, okay, fine. Dude, if you look up, you know? If you look up enough, if you angle your direction, you go like this, whoops, too much fentanyl vision. Uh-oh, too much, ah, my fucking, my dirty penis vision is, my guy shitting in between two mailbox vision is going off. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nevermind.

San Francisco's nice. Yeah. What's that? Oh, down there. Oops. My fucking crusty feet vision is is overwhelming. Why am I seeing feet? I'm outside near a fucking Ramoah store. Oh, why am I looking at two dirty feet? You know. There's a J. Crew over there.

So so California's got a lot of work to do. Yeah, you understand, whatever. You can listen to every podcast they all talk about. I'm not gonna, but it makes you want to leave. It makes you want to go to Austin, dude. I get it. I get it. All the comedians, I get it.

Also others, you know, it makes you want to move but then I go you go Bro, you I kind of go. I'm not but I'm no bitch though, dude. I'm no bitch You don't go down with it You you know, I guess I'm not it's not like I'm doing my part trying to fix it Like America's fucked but do, but do you move? No. Or do you stay and you, and you go, all right, dude, come on, man. I don't know. You know, it's like, if you're at a party and it sucks, you leave. Right. But not if it's your party though, dude.

leave right but not if it's your party though dude yes you try get the riff off out right you try get the riff off out I don't know anymore what's up with uh Will Smith rapping. Here's the thing I wanna know. Like a mop, wipe the floor with these boys. Okay, this whole thing that he did where he rapped in this room and everyone's kind of, I guess everyone's making fun, I don't know. I haven't really seen, I see clips of it

and I kind of scroll past it, but my whole thing is why is he rapping in front of a salad and pancakes and beef shawarma you rapping yet dinner ah You rapping yet dinner? Ah, ah. People ask me how I do it. I just bite off more than I can chew. That's chewing. That's just chewing. If you're sick, I'm a baby. Yeah, y'all jokers thought I blew it. I pulled the pin add the word on purpose, don't mean it means something different.

That's what everybody do when they throw a grenade. I pulled the pin out of the grenade on purpose and then I threw it on purpose. And then I left on purpose because I do not live there. I went home on purpose. I'm gonna eat this salad and it's on purpose. Whoops, I bit more than I could chew and then I chewed it. Swallowing on purpose. Whoops, I'll be at more than I could chew. And then I chewed it. Swallowing on purpose. And even though I'm an action star,

sometimes I'm an akbazar. Hell yeah, dude. That honestly, to be honest, that one's not so bad. I like, I kind of like, I'm like, okay. Here's the thing about rapping, dude. And everyone's like, unks rapping, dude. This is cringe, corny.

Hey, you can't rap You you're you can't rap After 14 you know you're just you're rhyming dude You can't be 50 say even like the dude from the roots the fucking guy who's caught his name escapes me I love him, but it's like that guy did one freestyle Nine years ago, and then he's like, all right, I'll just wear clothes now. You know what I mean? Or like do production.

Like dude, you can't rap and be 60. Oh, you like pretty girls? You're 11! i got shitty pants pants pants pants pants i shit in my pants pants pants pants I just shit my diaper Cuz I'm an artist at heart I'm not just an actor y'all Yeah, hell yeah dude So you so like why like when they say I mean even Eminem who's the top five, it's like he's people like, Oh, corny dude, it's just because he's fucking 50. Imagine John Cusack just picking up rapping.

No, but you can't if you're 20. You can't just start rapping if you just like got like, You can't just start rapping if you just like got like If your life is set Rappers have to be like fuck man. This sucks. What do I do to what do I do six to succeed? You just it's like like this is the bounce back watch will y'all this is the bounce back busting pancakes with salad yeah, beef shawarma.

Oh man, I would kill this beat, dude. Whatever, bro, let him do it, dude, shut up. He likes pretty girls, girls, girls, shut up, dude, let him do it. The other one he did was fucking fire though, but then, you know, it's like, I don't know. Let him do it. The other one he did was fucking fire though, but then you know, it's like, I don't know Fandu casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which meets even the

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That's what they wrote. That's funny. Oh, wow. Somebody else said the grenade thing. Okay. Well, I'm a fucking hack. All right. Well, I'm fine. But yeah, it is weird that just one thing can happen, like he slaps somebody that we all love,

and then, uh, your whole perception changes. If he didn't do that, people would be like, hell yeah, Unk still got it. Oh, dude, he really is an artist at ha. They do that. They do like that. They go, ha, ha, ha, go ha ha be the new thing you know I don't know man I just it's like it's a crazy crazy thing it's a crazy thing that he that you can't rap when you're, you just can't rap when you're,

when you're that old, you can't. It's corny, dude, because you're rhyming, you know? And I'm not saying hip hop is corny. I don't like, you know, there's, there's, it's gonna be a really annoying one. So there's somebody's gonna say, oh dude, you know, just because I'm fucking 60 doesn't mean I can't. Okay, yeah, sure.

Do what you want, ultimately, all right? I love that, dude, I love. Is there anything better than, like, okay, look, here, dude, hey, WNBA. Wrap it up. Okay. All right. Oh, dude, have a one on one league and have Caitlin Clark and then four others.

Okay. Uh, there is there anything better than them saying, with the shirts do, pay us what you owe us? When every single year they've ever existed, they've lost, they've been in the negative. And even the most watched year, a year or two ago, whatever it was So so on average they lose ten million dollars a year and they're subsidized by the NBA The most watched year they lost forty to fifty million dollars, okay, hey Wrap it up Bye

Okay, the WNBA is fucking atrocious, okay? No, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Hey ladies, enough with the layups. You're cooked, okay? Dude, it's not, no, hey, cuz here's why. Men might watch, might watch WNBA for a little bit. For a little bit, and by a little bit, I mean not even a whole season, okay? Women will never watch the WNBA, okay? So if you want equality, women, step the fuck up, use your eyeballs. But they don't give a shit.

You know why? They're watching that fucking Mormon show on Hulu. They don't care. So pay us what you owe us. It has this mentality of, oh yeah, because men get paid more. Women, step up. Use your eyeballs.

That's all it takes. But you don't care because you're watching a real Housewives of Atlanta. Okay? Because you're watching the fucking bachelor. Because you're watching keeping the cardat- whatever the fuck that- keeping up with the card- meet the deedles. What the fuck is it?

Keeping up with the Kardashians, right? Yes. And as she comes down and she comes down. Oh, another layup. Oh, a layup. Oh, another layup. Oh, and she, oh, she gets it. Who cares? Oh, she missed it.

Oh, another layup and a layup. And she shoots and it's and it's in. Okay. Two points and another layup. Where's Sean Kemp? Hey, where's Dikembe Mutombo? Hey, where's Dan Marley? Wait, was he a basketball player?

Nice. Hey, where's Harold Miner? Hey, where's Scott Skyles? Hey, where's Man Skyles. Hey, we're some new. Frigging. Bowl. Nobody fucking cares, and that's OK. And it doesn't mean you can't play till your heart explodes, ladies. But you're getting paid what you owe.

What what are what's owed to you? You're getting paid what's owed to you. As a matter of fact, deplete your bank account. Give it to the WNBA. Hey, players, pay us what you owe us. It's so embarrassing, dude. You owe us! Dude, that's like me showing up to my standup.

Nobody's there and me going, give me more money. That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. Guilt will make you feel, will make you do all sorts of shit, right? Like all that guilt where it's like, Oh, well, no, we don't want them to think they're not equal. We don't know. We, we, and then so, bro, but my pockets though, I think Christian just, Kristen just came in.

Yeah. It's so silly. And so, uh, it's embarrassing, dude. Also, what is what they owe you? You know, so they are there, there, there, there, they get to play a bunch of, they get to play, they get to play basketball. Love it. Love doing what they would, you know, people get paid less at fucking working at Crate and Barrel. They don't want to do they go they got to work at you know KFC

or fucking Starbucks then they pay them what you owe them I heard people get paid pretty nice at Starbucks actually but you know whatever it's like pay them what you owe them gosh I hate that shit. It's enough. It's enough talking about that, dude. People are going to think I... The fucking guy, dude. The guy and the woman. The woman and the guy at the Coldplay concert.

Dude, how... That guy has, the woman too there, but that man has to be praying for World War III to start at this point. Like to become a, to just go to a, the guy tries to go to his Coldplay concert with, with his, I guess it's his mistress, I don't know, but she was in HR of his company, dude, it's just like so, so silly. And

the camera, and the camera caught him and, and, and he, they tried to duck a too late Yon camera, all right. And the guy, and it was a slow news day, I guess. I mean, this was bigger news than Jared Leto getting outed by fucking 10. You know what I mean? This is this guy, the CEO, the guy of $1.3 billion company. Oh, dude, he has a side piece. No. Dude, he has a side piece? Nah. The guy who is worth all?

Once more? It sucks, dude. It sucks. It sucks for his wife. It sucks for the lady. It sucks for, it all sucks. It all sucks. Everyone's fucking, you have

to step down dude, when everybody at that company is doing some shady shit. It's a big company worth a billion dollars. You're telling me nobody got their nuts stepped on? Nobody got fucked over? This guy can't feel some titties at a Coldplay concert without step. Fuck it. At least he's, you know what I mean? And it was all yellow. Oh, life changed. Oh, dude, that sucks.

Slow news day. I fucking, if that happened happened I would be praying for World War three to please dude somebody drop a bomb hey I you know ten because here's the thing famous guys go through shit all a lot of famous guy I've been to shit a lot of famous garbage if you're not famous and then get famous that way And then get famous that way? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaáááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááá on getting a chub like you know you've sticking it in the back of her and then all of a sudden dude fucking mr. Coldplay or whatever his name is oh he's having a fucking fan is he having an affair probably dude I just

well poor people all involved the wife sucks. It happens. I feel for you. And the kids. Fuck. Well, dude, start rapping. This is the bounce back! Ah! Ah! Caught me at Coldplay! Ah! Ah! fill in some titties during yellow get in the chub going in trouble in trouble during trouble isn't that a song he made I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Awful, dude. Here's the other thing, too. If, you know, I understand famous guys, you know, they have access, and rich guys, they

have access to many different women, and you get married, and you fucking fuck up. Dude, we have to give astronomers a pass. What's out there, dude? We don't want them fucking up. What's out there? You want this guy quitting? It was like when Ashton Kutcher got canceled or whatever you want to call it for, for writing the letter first, Danny Masterson just being like, yo, don't kill him in prison.

And everyone's like, fuck you. And then he had to, he had to resign. Asher Kutcher from his thing where he was trying to like save children. He goes, okay, I'll take a step back. Dude, but, but no, guy, hey, astronomer guy. Now we don't know, now we don't get to know what's out there. Cause the dude wanted his tip wet at a Coldplay concert. What's an astronomer even? That's an astrologer?

What, it says astronomer. Oh, it's the company. It's the name of the company. Oh, Silicon Danny. Okay. Well, fine. But also he's got all of our information. We're fucked.

Great. Great. Great. Now we're in trouble. If somebody has all our data, let them get their fucking tip Great. Great. Now we're in trouble. If somebody has all our data, let them get their fucking tip wet, is what I'm trying to say. Don't call yourself astronomer, dude.

Oh yeah, that's like calling your company Baseball Player Inc. I'm a chef LLC. Oh really? What do you cook? No, we, we just, we have apps. Huh? Oh yeah. We were a startup company. Oh, fuck you, dude. This is the bounce pack. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Bounce back. Fuck yeah, dude.

I love how even Stevie Wonder is like, you know what? You fucking idiots on the Internet. Fine. I'll respond. I'm blind. Stevie Wonder confirms he's blind. Because there's speculation on the internet by assholes who say he's just been acting. Also dude, who fucking cares?

If Stevie Wonder is blind, is not blind and can actually see, Fuck yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Who cares? He tricked us. I don't give a shit, there's more important thing. Dude, you know what I mean? My son took his diaper off and rubbed shit on the wall the other day. You think I'd give a fuck if Stevie Wonder isn't blind?

Oh, dude, the music kicks ass. And also he's blind. You ever fucking sit with somebody and you've known them for a bit? Um, oh wait, wait, actually, hold on a second. This is what Steve Winder said. I must say to all of you something that I was thinking. That's literally stuff, something that Calvin says like every other day.

He addressed the audience as seen in the clip. I wanted to let the world know this, but I wanted to say it right now. This is still what Calvin would say. And then he would just say, I want pancakes. You know, there have been rumors about me seeing and all that, but seriously, you know the truth. The truth is shortly after my birth, I became blind blind now that was a blessing because it's allowed me to see the world in the vision of

truth see people in the spirit of them not how they look or what the or what color they are but what color is the spirit how interesting i didn't know that's what he all said it's kind of nice but also you can tell people are white when they talk you know oh so there's actually a video of it I must say to all of you Something that I was thinking what if he said that he had a bunch of food all over his face You know there have been rumors about Me seeing and all that

Killing. But seriously. Killing. What am I wearing? He says. You know the truth. The truth is, shortly after my birth, I became blind. Now, does my hat have a brim? Because it's allowed me to see the world in the vision of truth. Oh, hell yeah, dude. People were almost fainted when he said that. People were almost fainted, you know? Black women almost fainted when he said that.

See people in the spirit of them. Oh, no, he did. See people in the spirit of them. A black lady, he did. See people in the spirit of them. A black lady passed out. That was too much for a black lady. And what color they are. But what color is their spirit? And a black lady passed out. There's no way that that didn't happen.

Uh, yeah. Because black ladies can only take so much goodness like that. You know what I'm saying? happen. Yeah, because black ladies can only take so much goodness like that, you know what I'm saying? Um, but anyway, Stevie Wonder is blind in case you didn't know. You could tell he's blind, dude, because he walks around like this. Oh, there it is. I probably say, oh, there it is more than a blind guy, to be honest. I want, oh man, wait, what was I gonna say though? I was gonna say, oh yeah, you ever sit with somebody who you've met before and maybe hung out with

and you like them, like they're cool. You're like, oh, this person's like, maybe they'll be a friend, you know? And then you're talking to them. And whoops, whoops, whoops. You caught their breath. And you shrivel. There's a part of you inside that shrivels.

It's like your soul, for me, it's like my soul leaves my body. And then looks at me and goes, do you fucking believe that? And then I go, and goes, do you fucking believe that? And then I go, I just, it smells so bad. And then my soul comes back in and we sit there, we just kinda, you know, take it in.

You try not to make a face, because they're still talking. And you go, how does, does nobody tell them? Because it's atrocious to have that bad breath like that. It's atrocious. It's against the law for me and how do you not know that? And also

it's like 7 p.m. you know? How could you have bad breath at 7 p.m? Dude How could you have bad breath at 7 p.m.? Dude. It's not 5 a.m. Let's get your 7 p.m. breath going. These people have boyfriends and girlfriends. What are they doing? Wow, I'm really upset right now. I shouldn't even have started talking about it. Wait, Dave Portnoy said the NBA should get more money? The WNBA? Really?

Oh, and let's see what he said. Because I... I see lots of more uncertainty. The WNBA don't deserve more money. They are throwing around this lost 50 million number that and nobody even knows what comes from. Well, it's true. The finances of the league are a mess tied with NBA and purposely murky. Well, okay. That I do believe.

Yeah. Donors don't want to say how much how the league is doing. We see you got to pay more going into the bargaining department. Okay, fine. Of course they deserve more money. He says just the values of the team pay for it without all the other stuff if somebody told me i could buy a boston d for 250 million i would do without blinking that's all you got to know about the wmba finances um no i say no and i'm a businessman, so. Uh, also, I don't know.

How many people you watch, you know watch the WNBA? There, how many? I know more people with bad breath. Hi. Um... No frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Yeah, so, um, it's, it, you know. What was the thing?

Oh, I know it's, it, you know. What was the thing? Oh, I had all my notes. Fuck. I had no notes. I had three notes. I mean, dude, the stuff that they send me on these... No, I will. I have to do two episodes. I told you that, right? Hmm. Did I say that? No, I don't. I don't want to right now. This is my podcast.

I was saying do this. Cancel her. What is this here? Oh, I saw, dude, I saw the new show Smoke. And my wife said you should watch it because I read the book it's based on and then I go, this is how fucked up I am. I go, in my head I'm like, it's not about that book.

My wife's like, hey, you should watch the show Smoke because it's about the guy who set the fires, It's not about that book. My wife's like, hey, you should watch the show Smoke because it's about the guy who set the fires. That was the fire captain or whatever in Los Angeles in the 80s. And I go, show's not about that. And she said, yes, it is. And I said, they said it is?

She said, yeah. And I said, so it's based on a true story. She said, yes, it's loosely based. I say, it's loosely based or it's not based. She's, so it's based on a true story. She says, yes, it's loosely based. I say it's loosely based or it's not based. She's like, it's based on it. I said, no, it's not. All right, let's play it. Turn it on out of anger. OK, I got to watch this show now. Let's see.

Taryn, what's his name? Egghead. Edgerton. Taryn Edgerton. Taron Edgerton? And so I'm watching him do it. Now he's a fantastic actor, and this is one of the things that is just, he is completely miscast in this show. And I hate that he's miscast,

because he's a great actor, and this is a great part, and it's just not right, dude. And I'm watching the show, and I'm watching two episodes, and it's, I right, dude. And I'm watching the show and I'm watching two episodes and it's I think two episodes until you find out that he's actually the one setting the fires. It's based on a true story. It's based on the story. My wife said it was based on.

And then I finally found out at the end of the second episode or something and I go, ah, fuck, dude. I guess it is based on him. And in my head, I go like this. Yeah, but it's not really based on that. That's who I am, do you understand? Even though it's based on that,

even though there's a book about it I read, and it's, you know, they take a lot of liberties in the show, obviously, because it's a show on Apple TV. And even though my wife said that, put me onto the show, I watch a show I like to show, I'm watching it, it's confirmed in the show that this is what it's based on, I go in my head there's still room for, nah it's fucking not dude, I still have that in my head. That's the kind of person I am. I go yeah's right, but she's still wrong. Or they didn't really do it right though. Maybe they thought about doing it.

I'd like, what was, also why didn't they lead with that though? This was an arson, an arsonist that worked for the fire department that was purposely setting fires around Los Angeles because he grew up and felt insignificant and failed at everything until finally he... This is how we got people to pay attention to him. This is what made him feel power.

This is what made him feel power. And that is such a fantastic fucking story. And, uh... They got this handsome, charming dude to play him. No, man. Resurrect Philip Seymour Hoffman and make him do it. Or you know what I mean? Like get a guy, you know, not necessarily Paul Dano,

but somebody, get somebody to do it. That doesn't massage the lens all day long. I don't, I'm not into him playing that part anyway. But it's a good show I'm done You guys are great. Thanks so much Subscribe and you know You're my babies. Thank you very much much i'll be i'll see you in

copenhagen bitches bye i'll see you in fucking miami bitches bienvenido a miyami Thank you.