Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 460. Die By Fire

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 Watch GROW OR DIE on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠���⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris wants his baby back baby back baby back. Plus The Biggest Loser, how to behave in the groupchat, and having some me time. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk Hey guys, welcome to congratulations, the episode 460. Congratulations. Heck yeah. It is the, you know, it's all, I mean, the summer's gone, dude. And that's fine. And I'm starting, which means one thing. Now that the summer's over, I'm starting to get that thing in my throat again,

where after I eat, I got to clear my throat. A yes, dude. And it is the most annoying thing. But you know what, dude, you know what that means? life's good. Life is good because it's, that's not a bad thing to have be the most annoying thing in your life. Now, are there other things that are devastating?

Sure. But on the annoying, on the annoying tip? No. Not the annoying tip. So, so devastating. Yeah, I got. Dexterity is going on in life because life is life, right? But, and it is cool how I got my computer back, if you notice.

It was broken. Remember that? I took it to the Apple store and they fixed it. And I had AppleCare. And I didn't even know I had Apple Care. So check that out. And they fixed it and they called me today. And I got it today.

So I was able to do the podcast today with my computer. And I went there. The lady was really sweet. She was like, oh, it is you. And I was like, yeah. She said, oh, I saw the name. And I was like. And then I got to thinking,

other other crystallias out there and there are there's one other christalia that i know about and he's my age and he lives in los angeles california how weird is that uh so maybe i could have been him but it was me anyway um i have that annoying thing in my throat which is cool i ate two cans of tuna freaking based dude i ate two cans of tuna friggin based after i worked out dude it's kind of annoying when a guy eats healthy after he works out like he thinks he's a fucking workout guy you know, I'm sorry I did that, God. You know, I don't, I mean, I understand health is just, you know, look, you're not going to be, remember I just watched a documentary on Netflix with the biggest loser where they were just like, people were just trying to lose weight. And they started at people that were like 220 pounds.

And by season 16, people were 1,050 pounds. And they were just like, you lost 700 pounds. And they're like, thanks. And they were like, and cut. But that's a season finale, and then the guy just croaked because you can't lose, you know, 60,000 pounds. And then they had, then they had, what do you call it? You had to go on with people. You had to double, double.

So now how much weight can you lose together, which only added stress because one person was, I mean, no pun intended, but pushing their weight. And the other one wasn't. But I like how nowadays they'll try to make a documentary out of just. kind of nothing. Like, you know, the people will make documentaries about things that are culturally wrong. And it's like, dude, stuff changes so fast that stuff was culturally wrong six years ago, you know. And we're like, oh, well, we didn't know you can't wear a shirt that says that on it. But now there's a documentary about it.

And someone's trying to like, you know, if I were able to do it all over again, I wouldn't wear that shirt anymore. but I did and you know I didn't do it with any sort of ill will but I totally get it right the uh the biggest loser was like kind of like apologizing for dude it is weird to see 20 years ago just like completely different behavior from the world like they had like on season one through like five they were just like yeah right welcome to world to uh biggest loser it's the first episode so here's a bunch of donuts and captain crunch eat fatty and you're like what yeah because this is it there you go go like this when you do it do that stick your ass out when you do it disgusting and we're back biggest loser you guys are losers i mean they you know how much did

they call it biggest loser because they loved uh they you know they loved the whole kind of like turning it on its head thing because you obviously want to be a winner but you want to lose the most pounds the biggest loser but every time the producer says it they said it they were like hey guys welcome to the biggest

loser family you know just really laid it on hey piggies hey piggys and action go ahead eat it put it in the trough put Skittles in the trough

um yeah put them up your butt too fuck it uh dude biggest loser was so like look there's things that are just obviously stupid there's things that are bad look there's things that are bad bad right like you got to make a uh a fucking documentary about hitler you gotta what are you gonna do

not do documentaries about hitler come on man you're gonna not do a documentary about uh uh what's his name Genghis Khan. Come on, dude. You got to. There's a bunch out there. Dude, Mussolini. He's got ducks, right? But you don't have to do one on like, uh, what the biggest loser. It was a stupid jerky TV show that they shouldn't have made. We all know it because they were basically just like, ah, you're fat. See how much loser. Way you could lose. By the way, and they would also give you, They did this thing where they would feed, they would give you donuts and candies and stuff. And they were like, the one who could eat the most calories gets to go hug their family. Hey, it's a bad idea.

Hey. And that's obvious, okay? And then so I'm watching this documentary, Kristen wanted to watch it, dude. I didn't. You know why? Because who cares about the biggest? And I went to go put the boys to bed because I put the boys to bed. And I love it.

I go put the boys to bed and Billy always needs a car to go to bed and he needs a little car to go to bed and now and I'm trying to change it because he can't just always have a car to go to back because what if there's no cars? So I got him a Pokemon and he tried to go to sleep with the Pokemon the other day.

Anyway, we're trying to, you know what I mean? It's like he did it once with the Pokemon and but goddamn if that pokey ball opens up and the Pikachu falls out of his crib, he goes nuts. He goes, heywire. So I put Billy in bed, I put Calvin in bed and sometimes it takes, I mean, look, sometimes it takes,

almost two hours, right? Just because, you know, they get, they get scared or somebody gets hurt or, you know, you know how it is putting, you know, I mean, if you have kids, you know how it is putting them to bed. So I, uh, I put them to bed. I come down. And when I come down, dude, that's, that's, look, I, I'm pretty stressed all day. And do you know why? Cause. Okay.

Cause. Right. Because when people are like, yeah, you know, what do I do about distress? What do I do about it? And then they're like, how do I relieve anxiety? And I go, oh, you don't. You're alive. What?

Death is just the moment when the dying ends at OG. But like people, like I'm like you, I think that magic mind to help, you know, because it's like magic mind is like caffeine it gives you caffeine but with no jitters and it's lovely it's just lovely and then sometimes i'm like give me the jitters you know i you know i sometimes i don't feel like a day is productive if i'm not all like oh fuck all right well people trying to calm down and shit doing all that meditation and yoga hey dude death is just just the moment when the dying ends.

E.O.G. Okay? A. Life is to find meaning in the suffering. Probably Confucius or Aristotle or something. I don't know, but I know Ed O.G. said the other one. So it's like, uh,

I'm, you know, I'm doing what I'm doing and who said it? You type it in? No. So I'm doing what I do in. And it doesn't matter who said it. But what I'm doing, so I'm like, what was I saying? What was I talking about? Jitters and then fucking, God damn it. I'm on track here.

It's okay. I'm here, guys. This is what happens when you don't drink and co-bul-blah. You know what? This is what happens when you don't. This is what happens when we have stress. Yes, got out of that one. Dude, so I'm stressed, okay, because it's life.

All right? I'm stressed. And, and then when I, when I put the kids down, you know, the stress level sometimes rises. But sometimes it's, it's, it's beautiful moment where, where my, my, you know, Calvin will say, like, I really love you. And I'm like, wow, dude, this is it. And I go and put Billy down and Billy says, babu, da, da, da, bah, you know, it's like he's like a fucking, the Indians from, uh, dances with wolves. Good night, Billy.

Shumanita tank o'wachi. Okay. And so, so, but sometimes it's beautiful, but sometimes it's stressed out. And you're like, you got to get to bed because you've got to get on better schedule because kindergarten is starting soon. And I know you're scared of skibbitty toilets,

but you actually love them when they were three, and they don't exist. So chill. I'll be like, can I check on you every 10 minutes? And Cal would be like, make it five. Like, dude, all right, fine. And then I still do like eight, you know. But so anyway, sometimes it takes a long time and I go down.

And, and dude, I don't know, I don't know if my, when I, when I'll go down to the TV room, I'll, you know, like the TV won't be on when I put him to bed. I put him to bed. I come down and the TV is on. and it's some bullshit because of wife, right? So she put on biggest loser and I go, oh, for fuck sake, I come down. And I was like, do we really have to watch us? And she's like, fine, put on whatever you want.

And I was like, well, I mean, no, if you really want to watch it, we can. And she was like, well, no, obviously you say, you could watch something else, you know, do we really have to watch this? I'm obviously going to let you do whatever you get. I'm like, hey, you can watch whatever you want. If you really want to watch it, I'll watch it. I'll watch it, but I don't. So we're getting into that.

So then we keep saying a version of that over and over again to each other for about 13 minutes. And we end up playing the biggest loser because who's the biggest loser is an argument? Me. And so, you know, my whole thing is like I put them to bed. I'm stressed all day. You know why? Alive. Okay.

Breathing? Stressed. Yeah, but control your breath. learn how to meditate breathe slower now you breathe slowly sitting down being bored stressed and uh it's all good i don't look i believe in meditation it's all good you know lowering your heart rate james bond did it everyone james bond did it when he was james bond when he was in the hospital he had to die so he lowered his heart rate so low that it looked that it seemed like he died and then and then and then and after that he kicked everyone's ass like that like that is just something that they put in james bond

Nan-la-la-na-na-na-na. Just, oh. Hey, how do you get back? Oh, when you die, if you lower your pulse to where you die, you die, how you get back? Your body can't make you get back if you dead. Okay? So anyway, that's it. That happened in one of those movies.

but my time at night is just like you know what it is fucking gorgeous it's just truly gorgeous ah it's gorgeous because you know why I don't have if and look when I do shows it's gorgeous because I'm not doing shows it's just gorgeous because that's when the stress kind of kind of just falls away right it just relieves it self and I get to sit and I get to watch some fucking stupid movie that's either, you know, a Japanese, you know, because look, Japanese make the best horror movies, but some of them, they're just bad, right? Because they got to be, they got to be bad ones.

Or I'm watching some sort of stupid movie about some girl who gets lost hiking, you know, and I'm just like, why am I watching it? But stress is, but the stress is gone, right? So, but that's, because that's me time, right? And that's fine. I get some meet time. I'm not like, oh, when do I get my meet time? I'm not like, you know, but my meet time isn't on the road.

I know sometimes, you know, it's hard for wives to imagine, not just my wife, but it's hard for wives to imagine like, oh, dude, you're out doing the road. Yeah, I'm, I'm in fucking Huntsville at a radisson in. I'm in Jacksonville. I'm somewhere that ends with Vow or Ville, and I'm at a fucking Hilton, you know? And look, it's fine, but the Hilton smells like, you know, you know what, it's, it just smells bad.

So that's not really me time. So me time is the vegging out, kids are asleep, friggin watching some movie by some first time director, and just just watching just playing royal match dude just fuck it I might as well be squirting

but I'm not and um and I think my and so when I put the kids down sometimes I come down and the TV's on and my wife's watching some shit like some

some lady on YouTube or something you know where I just got for fucking God and uh and she's like oh uh I want to watch this and I'm like

why does she fucking turn it on when I'm putting the kids down? It's kind of like a big fuck you, you know? It's kind of like what the fuck is, I put this respect. Hey, why isn't it on beforehand, dude? There's the kind of shit I'm thinking of when I put the kids to bed. She puts the fucking TV on. I'm fucked.

By the time I get down there, she's already past a cold open. I'm fucked. She's in. What's you going to do? Let me fucking change it with an argument. No, I'm fucked. Yeah, we have fucking five TVs, but I don't want to go in bed and watch it.

I want to watch it down here Because that's where the I didn't take my metamusal to get And it's down here and I have to Anyway So we watched that biggest loser thing And it was actually good But it's like don't stop making documentaries

That have thing like hurt You know People make a documentaries that are hurt feelings nowadays It's just like Well he said hi I say hi to him He didn't say hi back Fucking eight part mini documentary

Yeah The man who didn't say bye, the Irish goodbye on Netflix, the 16 fucking night, spectacular event, the Irish goodbye. There I was, and I just looked for him, and I don't know where he went, but it was like, I don't know, it wasn't even after 11.30. I didn't understand. Yeah, I was there. I don't know. I don't know what happened. Everyone was out by the pool.

And I remember seeing him eating. He was eating barbecue earlier. And then he just wasn't there. We sit down with the exclusive interview with the guy. The Irish goodbye guy. So why'd you do it? I don't know, man. I'm just, I'm a 40.

Boom. My wife would be watching that shit. It's not a documentary, dude. It's, you know, just because you fucking film something. The biggest loser was a bad show because look at it. Eat the donut. Eat it, piggy. Eat it.

You know? And I like Caroline Ray, but they got rid of her. they've got that soap opera actress that obviously, you know, struggles with her weight. You can just tell by her face. Not even because her face is the weight wise. You could just tell with the eyes and nose and mouth. She has that she's going to be somebody that struggles with her weight. She's pretty, though.

I mean, you know, I'm not saying anything bad about her. It's just like, you know, Russell Crowe. He's the guy who obviously is that way because of his fate. Okay. When people say they're big boned, dude. uh man i did uh i did uh i'm having you know look shout out to the days where you where you feel good right shout out to the days where you feel freaking good how many days you feel good a week huh

I had a conversation with my, you know, I don't even know what the hell she is. Psychiatrist or psychologist? She's the one that could prescribe. She's my drug dealer. And I had a meeting with her on FaceTime, you know, because you're like, oh, you know, like, you know, like, you try to milk you, you know. You're like, oh, I got, I got, can I get more Prozac? And they're like, sure, but it's been six months. So technically we should, you know, like, all right.

Can I just give you $300? Let's not do the phone call. And she was like, so tell me how things are going. And I'm just like, I mean, they're kind of good. You know, sometimes I wake up anxious. Do you lose sleep over it? No, I mean, not really. You know, I don't know.

It's just like sometimes I have trouble sleeping, but I think that has to do with my travels, you know. Jet lag? I don't know, man. Maybe, yeah. Okay. And what are your moods? like. I mean, they're good. Sometimes I have bad moods, but I get out of them. And you realize what's going on when you're having a good mood? Yeah. Yeah, I'm, you know, I'm 45, so I just kind of like get in a bad mood. I'm like, I know this will probably pass. And then it does. And then it's, and then it's all good, you know. And what's the longest this, this, this mood will last? I don't know. A day, I guess. Okay. Okay. Okay. Scribble's done on the notepad, and I'm like, hey, I have a wife.

She already asked me, oh, this shit. Also, she's trained to be a therapist. So anyway, whatever to get the program, because that should help. I didn't even realize that should help with my OCD until it was already helping. And I go, what? How come I'm not scared I'm going to get cancer anymore because of, you know, because of getting a phone call past three. but it is what it is I was you know what I didn't talk about this last time but I went to my I was in Miami I already talked about this

being in Miami Miami has are there any are there any like I don't think I think Miami is probably the number the place

with per capita the least amount of sixes that or sevens that have that anywhere dude anywhere you know you go anywhere you just just there's just a plethora of sixes right you ever go to supermarket somewhere there's just some guy he's a six you go and there's like a mom somewhere and you go Um, you know, maybe. Yeah, she's a six, I guess. I don't know. In Miami, everyone is a nine, ten, or one. Okay?

I mean, the, the amount of badness in some of these women and then the amount of troglodyte. And it's like, dude, uh, it's like, dude, uh, it's, It's like heaven and hell met. Hey heaven. Hey, hell. It's Colorado South Miami. That's what they did. And it's unreal.

You got ladies with back doors the size of the fucking, the size of a garage. And then you have a lady just somewhere with like a nose that is the size of a garage. It's just weird. but the hottest and but no sixes

dude there's nobody just hanging out you know just hanging around was that guy who is it oh yeah yeah yeah

yeah just hanging around you guys know that meme or that uh whatever let's look at it uh what would I even is this a thing you look at beetle juice

and all these other fucking stupid shit comes like hanging around okay here we go god it's funny what are you doing what are you doing nothing me

just hanging around up to no good that is an unbelievable reaction First of all, I didn't know he was in a hotel room when they were asking it. It was just hysterical. Like just another guy. What are you doing?

A bad half man. Wow. That hotel that he's staying in right there, I've been in hotels like that more than anyone. Okay? Right there. And he go, what are you doing? Oh, dude. First of all, first of all, the guy, the guy, why?

is the guy filming, right? Was he already filming or did he start filming to film this, right? What a great question. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to ask this guy what the fuck he's doing? Because what is he ever doing? Like that, that I can imagine. Okay.

But I can also imagine you just, this is a guy you probably record a lot. You know? So his hands are in his pockets. And he's in his hotel room. like, and this is the only way I can describe it, like he's at a park. That's how he's standing. Like, I've never seen someone standing in a hotel room like this.

He's literally, you know what he's standing like? He's standing like he's outside, you know, in New York, where they have the basketball courts in cages. And then there's people watching the basketball. and then there's people walking by just kind of hanging around out of the defense, just chilling, that's what he's doing. Like, he's not there for the basketball game. He's not walking by.

He's just kind of hanging around, like, because he really is. He really is hanging around. But he's doing it in a hotel room. You're supposed to be hanging around, like, somewhere kind of actively. But this guy is literally hanging around in. in a place where you pretty much only sleep and watch TV, which is hilarious. That's hilarious to me, dude. And if it's not to you, fuck you, all right?

So this guy's just, and the guy just starts recording, all right? And then he goes, hmm? Obviously heard him. And look, what are you doing? First of all, the guy, what a voice. What you doing. Like such a, couldn't be more from Philadelphia. he is in the most center part of Philadelphia that you cannot be more but he was born legitimately

in the center of Philadelphia even though it's not a hospital whatever it is it's a fucking you know whatever it is it's a fucking it's an iHop and he was born there what are you doing what you doing what are you doing oh the double what you doing dude answers nothing and then says me just so the insecurity is fan the insecurity coupled with the chillness of this dude is phenomenal I mean I mean the dude's pockets, the hands are in his pockets, he's really just, I'm going to know, and, and how he, me, dude, that after saying, hmm, nothing, me, dude, I cry. Okay. So, so he does that. So, Philly. What are you doing? So Philly. What are you doing? Nothing.

Me? Just hanging around. The laugh, bro. Oh, my God. The laugh. Just hang in the round. How many fucking syllables is it, you know? Hang, I have four R's in it, right?

After the age? Um, so, and, uh, it's just great. God. so the guy that I would be friends with. God damn it. I love to fucking, I love to hang out, dude. Y'all don't hang out enough.

What a great meme. Isn't it crazy that you could just do a moment like that and then all of a sudden it explodes as a meme? My favorite is when people, my favorite is when like stars or something or like some country singer will be like, here's a new meme pack for y'all and it's like they're eating fucking baloney or some shit and you're like who the fuck is going to use a meme what is this shit here's a new meme pack

it's like them doing this what the fuck am i going to use this for you you stupid asshole i got to see this ice cube movie i got to see this did you see oh you saw it i got to see the Ice Cube movie, dude. It was you! It was you! Shared screen movies are just fantastic. I mean, they are fantastically terrible and also, some of them are so good, like that one,

that other one I saw. I'm not explaining, I don't care. Anyway, I wonder what I'll watch tonight, though. Because we finished that fucking, And I had to, you know what I did too? I was watching the biggest loser show. And I was like, motherfucker, I'm going to have to be real and admit that this is good to her after this. Sometimes I just kind of wish I was a little more fake, you know, so I could just be like, I mean, it sucks, dude.

This is why I like to choose stuff. What, whatever happened to that, dude? In the 80s, you could swing that shit as a man. You can't anymore. Millennials and shit Millennials, Gen Z and then whatever the next one. The next one might be okay.

But millennials and Gen Z, they really fucked up the whole, you know. There's so many podcasts where guys are feeling their feelings. It's like, dude, hey, guy, shut the fuck. Hey, guy, unsubscribe. The Real Man podcast. And then you got to hear about some guy interviewing another guy. You never heard about fucking talking about their feelings. And they're, you know, it's like, dude, just, and I guess I'm the old guy now, right?

So, you know, this is just what happens. When you get older, you can become the guy who was like, remember when we used to be able to do this? And that's because he, I guess it's because you had no problems back then. Your biggest problem was like, oh, fuck, I got to finish my homework. But you don't. And you know you don't. Hey, kids, don't do your homework.

It's all good. when my kids get older look they're gonna use that they're gonna be like what he said that but uh when my kids get older i'm just and they're just like oh man what the fuck imaginary numbers what's this all about in algebra and i'm gonna be like don't do that shit man you want to be a comedian be a guy on Twitch. I saw that guy, they made a meet, or what was that guy? Mike, who's the guy who does a Logan Paul's podcast? Big Mike, you know, that guy.

And he was like, and he was like, you really know who your real friends are when you leave a party and they text you, where'd you go? That's how you know who you the real ones are. and then somebody retweeted it and said a picture and it said he's 40 and it's hilarious you know because that doesn't actually ever leave you though kind of you know i mean look i'm older now and now things matter differently but like dude i'm 45 and if i leave a party and i go okay did fucking dave ever get upset that i left or whatever you know but that's so funny and I was looking at him and I'm like

he does a podcast with Logan Paul right that's what he does yeah I don't know what there are so many guys now and it's because of social media where you're like

like even this Beetlejuice guy like where you're like what does he do you just I mean literally what are you doing what are you doing nothing me just hanging around fantastic but that's what they do i mean too you know look you know i heard

this clip the other day where denza was man you know what denzil washington is getting to that point where it's like bro you know i loved look dude i love denzil washington i based a whole fucking comedy special on him all right i love him but it's like i was listening to him do this interview the other day where he was like talking about where he was like i you know as an actor you used to have to be good and now you just have to have followers people have to know who you are and i and he was talking about he was like you don't even have to be good anymore and that's why things aren't aren't as good and and i'm like yeah yeah i'm like yeah i'm like yeah yeah dude fucking yeah that's true denzil washington and then i'm like oh bro you just kind of

sound like a fucking old guy and also you're going to listen to denzil washington not not not not because you know look he's successful and he's great obviously but like And then, you know, it's just like, he was talking about getting canceled. And he was like, you can't cancel me. He's like, I don't care. I didn't, I didn't subscribe. You know what I mean? You can't cancel me because I didn't subscribe.

Am I direct TV? No, he didn't say that part, but. Oh, dude. Am I direct TV? And it's like, you know, he's one of those. guys that when he talks, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, anyway, I don't know, he didn't really used to be, but one of those guys, he's like, I ate that shit afterwards, you know, you know, I'm going to, uh, Houston. I'm going to, uh, I'm going to be in Salt Lake City. I'm going to be in, um, where is it? I didn't do my dates yet. So Salt Lake City, Boise, Idaho, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C., Tulsa, Oklahoma, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Smith, Arkansas, a bunch of places. Go to Crisley.com to get the tickets. I just added a bunch. And I also added Goctenburg. What is that? It's the place for all the spies meet and all the movies. Sweden. No. I did add Stockholm, but I'm going to add Gothenburg. Yeah, yeah. I'm going there

because that's where all the spies meet so I'm going to walk around real spy-like but yeah I'm going to Europe so get your tickets Curslea.com the fucking promoter was like

hey do you have fans in Gothenburg we can add a show and I was like what where the fuck is that I don't know yeah book it you know

so anyway it's booked um i'm tried to get manchester apparently they're being motherfuckers so don't blame me i wanted to come to the place where i'm gonna waste this is from but babies no one wants to drive a boring car drive to the log cabin and park in the tall grass looking good and protected with stage five raps raps P-P-F-Tint at

Stage5Raps.com. That's a F-I-V-E. That's a friggin' holler. Go to holler. ha-d-Babby-slash-Crisley if you want to get a shout-out on this podcast. Surprise a partner, friend, or family with a fine-tuned custom song. Wow. Perfect for birthdays and anniversaries, reaction videos,

plus more on IG, TikTok, at Fine-Tune Custom Songs. At Fine-Tune Customs Songs. Wow. that is a really really mysterious uh handle there anyway um yeah i get i don't know dude i did i did uh what do you call it i do cameo you know and i'm like i don't want to do cameo and then one of my friends was like do it dude i'm telling you do it you look back and you'd be like oh you made this money i look back and you're like yeah yeah i guess you're gonna go but i don't Um, uh, let's go back into this one here.

Let's talk, let's look at this. I can't believe I, I don't think we've ever talked about it. You know what? We haven't ever talked about this because I feel like by the time the podcast even came out, it was already, uh, passee. I guess hacky. So let's talk about it now. I want my baby bag, baby, baby, baby. The guys who'd sing this couldn't look more like the guys who would sing this, by the way.

Just, just I want my baby bag, baby, bag, baby, baby You guys got a great voice, huh? Oh, the white drummer's a mistake, but okay. Well, no, there are some dope white drummers, actually. Never mind. If I close, dude, if I closed my, you know what? We should, one thing is for certain.

We should, you know, look, everybody in history, uh, that isn't alive anymore has died. That's a fact. Okay. Uh, another fact is, um, you know, one of these days, you're going to shit your pants. Nobody really gets, gets away with not doing it. Another fact is, the guy who sings the part Chili's is one, one, 100% wearing the shirt that you'd think he's wearing while he's singing this. It's an underarmor shirt that's gray and black. It's phenomenal.

And he has a thin mustache. Of course. Chili's baby back ribs. Oh, the guy, the hot. The way he popped in and go, barbecue sauce, and then popped back, dude. Fantastic.

These guys had a huge falling out, you know? The only guy that talks to any of them is the baby back. Oh, a Jewishcaster. Fucking, what's his name? The guy with the lazy eye on ESPN. Stuart Scott died, died, died after this. Oh, Stuart Scott, dude.

How do you get a lazy guy as a newscaster, a guy with a lazy eye as a newscaster, by the way? this just in Vladi Divok Assist assist from John Stockton to Carl Malone Of course I'll get cancer later Just Okay well that was ruthless

But you know what I mean It's like I mean if you had to pick someone What's the ESPN song? How'd it go again? Oh, yeah. Let's check in with the Pacers. Reggie Miller still looks like a shaved Ewok.

If you had to pick someone that's going to die early, it'll be me. Then on it, they don't need. Fuck yeah, dude. Anyway, Stuart Scott did the... What if that was actual footage from ESPN? Fuck hell, yeah, dude. Look the way they look up. Stuart Scott.

Oh, he's... I love it. Dick's out. 100%. Dick's touching. God. And he goes, when singers at the end go

I want my baby back ribs dude it ended before that thing you know it ended with ribs saying ribs is the just fucking putting some extra on it I want my baby back ribs

no bro the song's over Juan Fire said he's cutting him up The song's over It's over The last word of the song is ribs What? It's not, dude

At the end A baby bag ribs Yeah it is What do you think they say Well for For the chileas Void with They're not

Dude they're not That the end Chili baby back ribs BBQ sauce They're not going to do that after that This is the end of the song He wraps it up, doesn't need to. And I love that he needs to put a fucking punctuation on it.

Dude. It's just great. Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to go through this Baby Beck Ribbs song. And we are going to 1 out of 10 rate how much these guys look like they would be singing this part. Okay? Out of 10. Okay.

So every time I see a new guy, you're going to hear a number of. Of course he's this guy. Dude, here we go. Ready? I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back. Okay, wait, well, hold on. Let me start over because the drummer. I forgot there's a drummer. Okay, here we go.

Baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back. 10. 10. 10's baby back ribs. I want my baby back. Chili's baby back ribs. 10. Still 10.

Baby back, baby back. It's a bit jazz instrument. 10. Chili's baby back wheels. I want my baby bag wheels. Oh. Dude. 10, 10.

Oh, dude. Dude, I tell you what, man, bro. You know what? If there is a single reason why it sucks, why AI sucks. It's that we're never going to have. You can make the AI. video that this out of AI people like AI is going to make those jingles you're going to get guys that are just going to be like burger king and it's going to be fake you're going to be like who sings that it's going to be AI get your whopper burger burger king get your fucking whopper the way you won't add but it's not going to be me it's going to be AI and then you're not going to have that dope footage of the guy singing it in the in the booth like bro this guy the guy the guy who

comes in at this part Wow, dude. He is literally dressed like I dressed when I was in junior year in high school when I had to go to a dance.

Unbelievable, dude. And that is probably when this came out, honestly. So the guy probably had a fire fit. But God damn it, this was awesome. Was this the commercial?

No. Because it's cut together. Anyway, whatever it is, what a what a what a what a what a understood moment in time that that song is i mean dude think of another song that that i don't you there's no other song at least in america there's certainly no other jingle you know why because you could argue yeah but mcdonald is more umnipresent but that that doesn't hit like chilis they almost go jillies they almost do that they did do that but then the white producers were like that's too black you know let's bring it back a little let's bring it back god that's awesome

no more jingles like that though and no more guys in the studio doing jingles like that which is just fantastic That's one of those places where you go and you go, all right, who's going to have the bad breath? You know someone's going to have bad breath in this right here. So who's it going to be? It's not going to be me. See, that's the thing. You know how like a, you watch that show Foundation where the, and you like foundation, right? The show.

Didn't you? Okay. So I can't get it's too much. It's so sci-fi. I go, okay. Okay. It's like when porn is like, oh, yeah. Take it, bitch.

You're like, too porny. it's like it's it's it's it's it's it's so masturbatory sci fi e that i'm just like i can't dude it will be like if if the movie p s i love you uh had had had every scene someone cried in it it's like i do all right it's for chicks you know or or or it's like if you see an asian guy crash you go yeah but it sucks but yeah you know and i don't even mean to be like I'm saying, or, or, you know, it's like, whatever racist thing you want to do, right? Okay.

But it's just like, okay, it's too much that. Because I'll tell you right now, I'm not into the porn where it's just like, oh, oh, yeah, oh, bitch. I can't. Yeah, take it. And then when the chick is, how, yeah. Dude, foundation is that kind of sci-fi to the poor. And I can't. And so, but they do this, it is a cool idea where it's a very kind of like a, you know,

you know the guy was in his early 20s when he thought this idea. You just, you know it, you know, and you know what, I would argue he was even younger when he thought of this idea. It's such an idea that like a guy in their late teens would think of and be like, this is the most dope fucking idea. Because I would do that. But it's about, you can. mathematically look at the past and predict the future.

Okay, now, on a grand scale, not like interpersonally with certain people, but like society-wise and culture-wise and the idea is cool enough. Like, that's kind of a cool idea, you know, it's definitely something that a 16-year-old kid fucking thought of first and then grew up and wrote it. But, you know, that kind of stuff. that's a true sci-fi thing because it's like yeah it's not true but i guess we can't prove it's not true you know so so that use i'm saying i don't think you can like god damn it this is this this if i'm going to tell you right now this is this i think this is the smartest thing i've ever said in my life what i'm about to say okay do you understand that um The movie, the show foundation, that's what it's about.

It's about being able to predict the future because of the past, mathematically. Now, what they say is society is going to collapse within 10,000 years. That's a prediction. That's fine. And, you know, mathematically, if that's what the guy in the sci-fi thing proved, then okay, that world, that's what it is. I'm not saying you can prove that kind of stuff. What I am saying is if you pay attention to life enough. Okay. If you sincerely pay attention to life enough, you know that those guys in that room with that color and those outfits and those styles of faces that there's going to be one of the guys is going to have bad breath.

And that, that, that is the smartest thing I've ever said because that is the kind of, we need to make a sci-fi thing about that, dude. a movie about where it's a guy can just figure, you know, you know, I can't go in here because there's going to be a fucking Look, there's going to be a fat woman in there. Why? Because it's a fries electronics, dude. What the fuck's out of to do anything?

You're not paying attention, man. Just the worst matrix. This is like the fucking matrix if Larry David was Neo. The theme song, Chili's, Baby Back Ribs. Oh, you want me in there, too, dude. When that song, I would fuck that song up, dude. Chili's, oh, baby back rims. Oh, baby back ribs.

Barbecue sauce. I do this at the end and piss my pants so everyone knows it's done. I have signs. barbecue sauce. That's real, dude. How cock-sucking delighted were they when that guy did that? Dude, barbecue sauce. I got it.

I'll come, I'll do it. He's fucking it up. I'll come in, I'll do it. Keep playing the drums, white guy. Here we go. Bobbycus sauce. And dude, Mr. Chili just goes, like the Antonio Bender's meme

with the computer Mr. Chili sitting there with a fucking with sizzling fajitas just oh barbecue sals fuck yeah dude remember when I would say fuck NPR

because this is the hard hitting issues yeah now NPR's gone dude they're defunding it this shit still popping dude but yeah anyway that's great that's just great fantastic my my my buddy sent me this uh this uh dude you ever have the how about the guy in the group chat that that doesn't really understand what the group chat is

for right like like like the group chat is strictly if you're a male okay it's for roasting each other sending uh clips where people fall down in car crashes and checks okay i didn't make the rules dude that's like my going back with the foundation that's what all that's what all group chats are for for dudes okay that's what they are and let me i'm breaking to other group checks for roasting car crashes people who fall down uh sometimes depending on what area you're in in America, racism, but then always tits, okay? That's what the group chat is for, for men. For women, group chats all complaining about their men

or complaining about what they don't have. Sit! Or talking shit about the person who's not in the group chat. Sit! Okay? Men talk about tits, uh, uh, roast each other, car crashes falling down.

Sit! Women complain about what they don't have. Talk about the other women that would have been next in the group chat but didn't make the cut. Sit! That's it. That's what they do. I don't make the rules. That's what it is, dude.

Or they talk about, you know what? They might send a clip from like Dak Shepard's podcast. Sit! Do you hear that? the one with Bill Hader. It's actually really interesting to hear the way he grew up and how he met his wife. Oh, dude. Hey, I'm out. Shoot. Oh, take me out. Hey, bitches, take me out. That's me if I'm in the chick crew. Are you talking about the Bill Hader episode? Bitches, take me out. Um, and so, so that's it. That's what the group chats are about.

But I have a, there's a guy in my group chat that will like just send a video. of Jamie Fox talking about a movie he was going to make about Mike Tyson. Hey! What are you doing, dude? Is anyone in this group chat fat? Is anyone ugly? Do you have a car crash meme? Can you please send something of a lady falling down?

Um, hello? Send a picture of tities, dude. you think I give a fuck about it go I go why did you send this he says I thought it was cool I go man you know what you are a douche what kind of guy set and you know what and if you're that guy you're listening please do this for me know you're that guy okay don't be like I wouldn't do that and you would all right don't send a fucking clip of a podcast where Jamie Fox is talking about a movie that he was going to do about Mike Tyson. Because, bro, my time is my time.

Okay? I need to be either activated, laughing, or activated in my pants. Say it! If I want to see a movie about Mike Tyson, how do you see more about my Tyson? Okay? If I wanted to talk and complain about my man or why this bitch was somewhere that she shouldn't have been, I'd be in a group chap with chicks.

Set! I'd be in a group chap with chicks. Tits had falling. Next. And why do we, you know, I get it. Sometimes you're bored. You're on the plane. You're going to say, hey, but, but, but, but, but, but, send a, what do you call it,

um, and not addendum, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, um, send them. what do you call those fucking things a disclaimer send a disclaimer hey this isn't what we normally send I know it's not a chick falling down with a titty's all flapping out and then you know

by the way you look bad in that last picture bro but I mean and he sent me the clip and it was just Jamie Fox describing the cold open of the Mike Tyson movie And he was doing it. You know, he's a good storyteller. He's a great storyteller.

He's a Jimmy Fox. Okay. But I go, bro, that's just like what a pitch is. And he goes, oh, I thought it was cool. And I'm like, yeah, it's fine. But like, roast us. Whatever. You know, it's just the guy in the group chat that doesn't know that he shouldn't be doing

what he's doing in the group chat. Hey, bud. Take a hike. Get out of the group chat You're not sending enough tits Send some tits Get out You're not roasting us enough

You sent a clip from a podcast With Jamie Foxx talking about Mike Tyson movie That it never came out You look ugly in that picture Your mom is a hoe your mom's annoying your mom was annoying at my wedding what do you want

dude I consistently put out versions of the same episode for years you're welcome it's all I ever wanted dude kiss my ass bro oh but he didn't really fucking evolve he's still the dude

you get what you get you see you get what you see it's all good Anyway, dude All right, you guys I appreciate you Thank you very much

I'll be in Houston soon And a bunch of different places Go to chrysley.com to get those tickets Please subscribe Thank you. Thank you. BINN-BEN-BEN-BEN-B