Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 466. Till Dust Comes Out

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

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Runk Hey guys, what's up? It's episode 465, is it? Oh, I don't know. It's up there, dude, you know? And we're doing great, guys. Welcome to another episode of congratulations. Congratulations. Just thought about that. It's 466, episode 466.

And even though it said 465 in front of me on my computer, one fire, changed it to 1 to 466. And I keep saying 1, but it's 466. uh i you know am back from the road dude i am working really hard i really i realize that i'm working very very hard and i'm very very tired and um i do love what i do so those are all things that are true i'll be in new orleans coming up here and pensacola florida i don't know what's up with pensacola but everyone's talking about this pensacola they keep getting comments yeah pensacola yeah i'll be there at pensacola so let's go pensacola and then your boy goes Oh, dude, international, Oslo, Amsterdam, like three shows in Amsterdam, Gothenburg, Copenhagen, Stockholm, London, Dublin.

These are all shows that I'm going to be doing internationally, Christalia.cithia.com, the straight out of the multiverse tour. And then I go to Midland, Texas and Waco, Texas. So I go from the beautiful Travelings of all those places and then to Midland, Texas. Now, Midland, Texas, I have been there a few times. What's it like?

Don't know. That's one of those places. Even the name of the place, Midland is... Get creative, a little bit, right? Anyway, then I'll be in Syracuse. I think that's when it starts getting cold, Hamilton, Ontario.

the coldness hasn't started yet really but there was shower there were showers in um springfield Missouri which I just you know every state kind of has a Springfield uh talking about get creative with it but Springfield Missouri's cool and then I was in Tulsa which was great um so that's that I was in Tulsa had a fun show you know Tulsa and you know people are there are unimaginative. So when I was at the airport, someone was like, what are you doing? Where are you going? And I was like, oh, Tulsa. And they go, sorry. And you don't understand, dude. Tulsa's nice. It's cool. It's up and coming, you know. And places aren't that bad, dude. There are bad places. But you can't, don't just say a place is bad just because you think it's bad, right?

We all don't know anything. We really don't. I mean, if you go to, to Tulsa, you can experience Tulsa. But it's like, we're supposed to know what's going on in, you know, the Middle East. We don't know. Everyone lies. Why would everyone not lie? They have an agenda. They're all going to lie.

So don't believe anything you ever hear. That's it. And people say that, and they know that. They know people lie, but they'll still be like, did you hear? Hey, but you know everyone lies. you so you're just using this lie unless you think it's the truth but for what reason because what you did research

what everything is an echo chamber we're massed we're massed now they got AI video we're massed you see that video of Donald Trump talking the other day and it was like oh this is this real or AI we're massed

Um, yeah, although maybe he just started reading off the prompter for the first time because, you know, that would seem like it was AI because he just often, uh, doesn't talk about how, uh, it doesn't go by the script, which is why a lot of people like him. Um, and so, yeah, I was in Tulsa. I did a show and it was very cool. Carl Lentz and Laura Lentz came out, uh, to the show. Great people, inspiring people, love them. I never met them face to face until that show, and it was just great. You know, I'm 45. Is it a, is it old? Because I was thinking about this. It's way harder to work out, but I heard a guy talking about how he was, oh, it was Black Rabbit. I'm watching that show on Netflix, which is really, I really like it.

And Jude Law and Patrick Bateman, right? That's it. Yeah. Jason Bateman, not Patrick Bateman. Patrick Bramon is the killer, the American Psycho. Jason Bateman and I work in mergers and acquisitions. I work in mergers and acquisitions. not that Patrick Bateman, Jason Bateman, Jason Bateman, and Jude Law.

And they play brothers, which is super weird. Jude Law is like, alright, he's British. And then you turn on Netflix and you go, all right, I'll let, you know, looks like something I'd like. But also, Bateman kind of always plays the same guy, kind of. And Jude Law is British. And he's one of those guys that's very British looking and British, very British. So I'm like, they're playing brothers. and Jason Bitton's playing the Darylict.

So let's see what's up, dude. So hey, so hey, so hey, so hey, Netflix, so up. Download, download, download, download, five episodes, because I'm flying. So! So, I play it. Thong, watch, you know, and in the first scene, sorry, first show, first episode, I was like,

are they doing it? Are they the, are they, are they, playing should judeau play the other part should and i'll tell you it's a great show sometimes the way the shows are going i you think about how tv used to be in like 1980 70 60 it's like it's crazy how intricate and and character driven everything is now you go ah he's the bad guy oh actually no oh he's the bad guy all right oh he's oh is he the bad guy or is he just doing what he thinks is right but it happens to be wrong for this world okay right um it's really good there's everyone's an anti-hero pretty much and and it's also uh you watch uh jason baitman is just really good yeah he does do a lot

of roles the same but he does it really good he's a great he's great at what he does you know and that's fine dude that is fine you don't everyone doesn't have to be Daniel Day Lewis. Of course, he does what he does really well, but he has got a range, you know? But there's nothing wrong with absolutely killing what you do. And that's what Jason Bateman does, dude. By the way, he's a good director.

You know, he's very funny. And Jude Law is good. You know, he's being a guy from New York, which is a little, you know he's British, but whatever. This isn't the fucking movie review channel. But what I am saying is it's a great show and check it out. And it's cool because, you know, Netflix often just puts out a toilet shit, you know, shit that belongs in a toilet.

And just, you know, Apple TV will be fucking, I saw this meeting the other day, it was like, Apple TV will be like, they'll be like, they'll be like, yeah, we gave, you know, it's got Helen Mirren, Tom Cruise and, and, uh, Timothy Shalame. in it and each of their each of their what do you call it payrolls what do you call them each of their what do you call that word god damn it I need pink and go baloba

what's their paycheck what they're their what? No what's the deal their deal was maybe their deal was 75 million dollars each and it costs 500 million dollars to make

and you're like, and you're like, don't even know about the movie. And then you'll see Netflix put out, like, the Toilet Chronicles. And it's like all the rage and everyone talks about it and it costs $8 to make. And fucking Cato Caelin is hosting it. I mean, I'd have to watch The Toilat Chronicles. Honestly, with Cato Cailin before I'd watch that fucking bullshit Timothy Sport Shalais shit. But anyway. I was watching, I, I, uh, I was watching.

What? Quote. I don't know. Paycheck. What? Contract. What, what's your salary? Yes, dude.

Salary. So close to salary, but it's salary. Um, and also gold is measured in carrots. And that's carrots. Hmm. Didn't realize how much money had to do. vegetation um but anyway dude i put up this clip the other day it was the last episode of congratulations and it went stupid viral uh about how uh i don't know what's going on in gaza

so i don't i can't have an opinion and it is just crazy how if you don't have an opinion what you're doing to some people is uh it is so weird how people react to that i don't know that's what people react to i don't know and then they get mad and they say well you you have privilege dude okay i understand that there's privilege i guess but also um life's hard for different people in different ways okay also life isn't look it's mostly the liberals that talk about privilege Okay? And they also believe that mental health is real. So what the fuck does privilege matter if in your head you think everything is bonkers? A yes, figured it out, dude.

What's privilege matter when you aren't, who you are in society, you are, who you are in your head? Yes! Anyway, dude, he's deep into beans, but it's all good. I am doing, my lower back hurts. I said it. And, you know, that's just going to happen every now and then, right? It's just going to happen. I was at the gym the other day, and this guy, I'm doing pull-ups or chin-up.

I can't remember which one's the hard one, but I make it look easy. Anyway, I'm doing the thing, right? That chin-ups are pull-ups. You know, and I'm doing it. And then, you know, I'm doing it with the, you do the chin-ups on the ball, are on the thing with the cables, too. So if someone wants to do cables, you know, if I'm doing chin-ups,

they want to do cables. I go, yeah, do the cables. You do cables and work in with me. You do cables, and then I'll, after you do the cables, I'll jump up, I'll do my set. Then you do your set, okay? So I'm doing the chin-ups. A guy jacked to high heaven comes up,

and he starts doing cables. Now, he doesn't ask me, but I have no issue with that because he's using them when I'm not using them. And also, who fucking cares anyway, right? People are super weird about the gym. So he's doing his cables. And then I go up and do my chin-ups after that. And then he does more cables.

And then I am like, are you going to do your set or can I do another one? And he's like, oh, you're working in here? And I was like, yeah. and in my head I'm like I was working here and then you came in but whatever right so he says oh yeah go ahead so I did mine stopped then he went to go do his cross chest thing and he said to me you know there's another chin up bar over there if you want to use that one and when he pointed to it I looked which I already knew it was there and it's also attached

to the fucking more cables so I'm like oh yeah yeah and then I look at him and I say I don't like that one over there I want to use this one and he says oh yeah yeah I don't care and I'm like

what happened dude those kinds of things to me are astounding okay okay the only acceptable answer here the only acceptable answer is if he didn't know that i was working in there first that's it that's it and even still it's weird it's not that weird but it's a little weird because it doesn't matter Fuck I don't understand people But whatever it is what it is Um Uh

Uh What's better than home-cooked meals Dude Yeah fuck man Restaurants fuck up everything almost And I'll tell you what Dude Dude

love? Is it love that makes? I know they say that it may love is the secret ingredient. I know, but, but dude, the food when made at home is just fantastic. And you know what I don't want anyone explaining it to me. And I don't want, well, you know, because in restaurants that, you know, dude, you know what happened to me? Uh, well, I was about to fly home from, this is, this is actually the craziest thing. It all happened in my head, and it was one of the craziest moments in my life. Well, yeah. I mean, if I had maybe, you know, I'll tell you what,

it was the most mental crazy moments I've had in my life. Not things that actually happened, because nothing actually happened. It was just me thinking. I was on, at the airport. I was about to come back from Springfield, Missouri, okay? I was waiting at the airport, kind of like in and out of this sleep state, okay? And then I decided, you know, you have the thing where you're like, okay, I guess I'm going to wake up. I'm done with that.

I guess I'm going to be an awake guy now. Okay. So I wake up and I realize I feel great, okay? And I don't mean physically. I mean actually mentally. mentally. I mean, like, I feel happy is what it is. I feel like I have it all. I feel lucky. I feel grateful. Okay. This is what I'm thinking. And I go, wow, whatever was happening when I was sleeping a little bit made me feel so mentally good that I feel hopeful, beautiful. And I go like this.

I don't think that I've ever felt like this. Genuinely, I don't think I've ever felt this. And I don't mean, look, happiness comes and goes and, you know, your kid gets a thing. You get happy. You get to see your mom after a long time. You're happy. Your brother gets a big win. You get happy.

I get that. But what I'm saying is the pure... happiness and content i i i fell i felt for for just no reason i just really kind of realized uh that i kind of had everything that i wanted and it was beautiful it was beautiful it was it was it was such an awesome feeling and mentally i got there right because nothing actually happened i just woke up and i go like this wow dude and then i thought what i thought what i thought what if this was just how a lot of people's baseline was? And I go, oh, man, that sucks for me.

And I go, hot that that. Let's hook back into the happy feeling. And I was able to feel that again. I lost track of it like a little, just go up, nope, nope, don't go down that road. And then I, and my whole feeling changed. I went from happy to, uh, that sucks. I'm not like that dread.

And then I immediately, because I was just at happy, I went, I go, nap, I'm going back through this door going to happy. And then I felt it again. And I go, and I'm in my head. I'm like, whoa, I have to remember this. I have to feel this. And I have to feel this as long as I can. And I said, well, now that I.

you know what it was it was the purest happiness i've ever felt that's what it was it wasn't necessarily the most but if if if you're a hundred percent and you can be a hundred percent happy this was the hundred percent tile right whatever was was involved in my thoughts it was only happiness it was filled with happiness not other things okay so i'm sitting there thinking in my know, I'm just at the, and I'm at the airport, which is the worst place. So I say, it's not really the circle. Dude, my kid, I'm going home to see my kids and my family and my wife. I'm happy about that.

But like, in this moment, I'm just, I'm at one of the worst places. And in Missouri, okay? So I'm like, there's no reason to feel this way. I'm going to remember how this feels. And then I go, uh, uh, remember that, Chris. And then they're like, boarding flight, whatever it is. We're going to get right into it. We're going to do boarding, pre-boarding.

And then you see the, I look up and everybody is just waiting in line. And I know they're not all pre-boarding. And I go, well, lucky for me, I'm happy. And that doesn't affect me. and I was able to block that feeling and stay happy. And I go, man, maybe I could do this all the time. And it's been four days since that feeling, and I'm here to tell you, I can't.

It's too hard, and that's sad. now do I feel the how can I feel it again I can I can I can it was like I unlocked something but you just have to focus on that I guess I don't know but the whole thing is what I'm trying to say is I don't know if my baseline is correct you know that whole thing where it's like you ever hear quotes where you go really resonate you and then like like the whole thing like a life is surviving through the struggle or whatever that one is it's just like oh fuck god damn it yeah kind of is, huh? Maybe the answer is getting a queen fucking bed, you know?

How about Kimmel, dude? This whole thing about Kimmel is just, uh, it's all just, you know, you know, What did, what, who's that person that got fired off the Mandalorian, the Gina Carano or something? What did she say? Because now everyone is like, Jimmy Kimmel made the, look, but didn't he say something like the Holocaust didn't, like it's just a denier or something? I can't remember. Whatever. Whatever it was, Disney or whoever fired her for what she said a long time ago.

And it was, and, and it was a liberal thing. Liberals were like, fuck this. She can't say this. She needs to lose her job. and now Jimmy Kimmel goes on to the Jimmy Kimmel show and he talks about made a kind of a joke about Charlie Kirk dying and how Trump reacted to it

which was a joke I mean it's his and then and then he got five well he got suspended and now he's back right which is which is it's cool he's back I don't you know the whole free speech thing of course America is cool it's awesome how you could say whatever you want and that's great

and that's one of the core principles of this country and it's a beautiful thing and then there are also companies that's the thing like you can't go on Instagram which is owned by Facebook and say fuck

this type of race they'll just delete it and people will be like what about free speech and it's like that's facebook it's not america it's facebook they they they don't that's a company it's going to affect their bottom line okay now jimmy kimmel's saying this thing again which yeah it's free speech he can say he that's i guess that's why he doesn't go to jail when he says that right that's really what it is so disney though or whoever the

I think it was Disney and ABC. And they were just like, okay, well, we're going to suspend it because what he said was, I don't know what they even said. I guess they said it was incensive, which I didn't think it was even honestly really a big deal.

But he's been very liberal. And my whole thing is, don't, you know, there's tonight show people. It's just like, just do jokes and stuff about, I guess, you know, you want to make fun of the president,

make fun of the president. I think that that's just always going to be kind of what it is. But when you're trying to convince people to be a certain way with ideology or politically, I'm just like, dude, I turn it off. I just am glad that this company has decided to not back down. They reinstated them. Of course, there was a few days where he wasn't doing his show because they had to have discussions.

and that's good. By the way, I don't even know what that Gina girl said or whatever, but that was Disney's choice to fire her. And it just sucks

when somebody gets fired. I guess for what they say, I mean, there is hate speech, though, and Jimmy Kimmel certainly wasn't doing hate speech. Look,

I don't agree with Jimmy Kimmel, mostly ever. I'm just thinking about, this in a you know it seems like uh i'm trying to think of it in the most logical way you know i mean when jimmy kimball's up there crying and doing all that shit it's like all right bro you know and i i i don't think i i i always kind of had a sour taste in my mouth about jimmy kimmel because because way back when we did the uh justin beber roast i'll never forget this dude jimmy

Kimmel tweeted, congrats to, and he wrote everybody on the roast that was on the whole roast, except for me. And I go, what the fuck? I didn't even see it because, I mean, he tagged everybody. And then the only reason I saw this is going to say, wow, fuck Chris Delia, huh? And I go, Jimmy Kimmel, that sucks, dude. I always think everyone hates me, though. Great.

Anyway, it's good to see him back on the air, I think. Because look, if you're going to watch someone, that's the thing. I don't like when Trump is like, yeah, he has no talent. It's like, dude, what are you talking? He's, he, well, first of all, what is talent? Talent is, makes people want to watch you if you're in entertainment. If that's what talent is, people do watch him. I don't agree with what Jimmy Kimmel says most of the time, but some of the time I do, I guess.

I don't know. But whatever. It's just like so, it's so weird how everything is politicized. And then you go on Instagram and you post a clip about how you say I don't really know what's going on in Gaza and they toy privilege and they say you're a piece of shit. So really there's no win. What a fuck is this?

This is so funny. NASA is investigating what may be the first crime in outer space. Oh, geez. What happened? They impersonated to fucking Zorzoblat with astronaut Anne McLean accused of identity theft and improperly accessing her estranged wife's private financial records while on the ISS. Oh shit. And then this guy writes Lesbians responsible for 100% of all space crime. Oh shit. What if you found out it was only a lesbian thing? We got to we got to keep the lesbians on Earth. Once they get out of the stratosphere, they

go rogue that's like that Jim Jeffries bit where it's just like yeah I don't care he's good but I don't know he's great I don't care to remember it because I'll fuck it all up

um um what What? What? What's that? Oh, oh, yeah. Because who's the guy? Oh, yeah. Because who's the guy? Oh, yes, yes, six lack. The black six-lack guy. That's who it was. He's going to have, he's going to decapitate someone one day. Um Anyway, we called an episode seven Chris

I was I was at the hotel Oh wait, no, this was actually in town And I'm like, and I'm like God, dude, I went to take Calvin to school, it was a beautiful day, you know, you wake up, you take Calvin to school And then you go, I'm awake, bro.

Like as a comic, you don't get many days where you're like, I'm fucking awake. And let's go. go at 8 a.m. Right? But it was. It was 8 a.m. I take Calvin to school. I go to get coffee and I go, let's go. I go, you know what I'm going to do? Go to the gym. What the fuck? That's unheard of for Christaly to go to the gym at fucking 8.30?

Gonna. Went. Okay? Got coffee. Went. All right? In the middle of the workout, I go, oh, fuck. I can't wake up, have coffee and then work out because I'm gonna shit everywhere ran to the bathroom unloaded and then came back and finished the workout um something about them morning bowels you know i i always say too in this uh in this show i got to stop talking about bowel movements and i don't and i won't i guess that's just the true me. I talk about what I want to talk about, dude, I talk about shitting so much. Okay, anyway. Um, uh, uh, oh, did you see the thing where, uh, Cameron kicked the guy out

of the fucking, uh, thing for the guy kept hitting on Antonio some, is it a boxer? What is he? He kept on, he kept on hitting on the girl on his talk show. What is that show that fucking Cameron and Mace have, by the way? What is? Why does it? It looks so weird. It's like, is it a late night? Is it a podcast?

The fuck are they doing? Is it religious even? Like, why does it feel religious? They're always like dressed up and shit. And, you know, Mace stopped rapping because he found the Lord or whatever. And thank God he did because he was hanging out what fucking did he. But anyway, uh, that whole set is like weird. Hey, how about how podcast?

can just have like trillion-dollar sets now. Dude, get a fucking camera and just put it up. You know, what the fuck? Remember when Andrew Schultz made his, you know, his podcast got popular. And then he was like, hey, now I'm going to have a whole tonight show set. And then every podcaster now has like the fucking, it's like, it's like, it's like they're on the fucking Warner Brothers lot.

dude get a camera don't get a tripod put books up put camera put the camera up on the books and start fucking talking dude I don't these well produced

podcasts are insane so anyway Cameron and Mace have a podcast because of course they do and it looks like a fucking it looks like it's like the

uh Johnny Carson show thing and anyway there's a girl on it too and they have a guest on it too because of course they do and the guest is like damn you fine you keep saying to the lady you did so and camera's like

you got to stop you got to stop you got to stop doing that because you know I don't want you to be hitting on her because I told you her boyfriend is here and you got to respect her boyfriend and my thing is like yeah also respect her

you know because she's just sitting there like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you know what I mean that's the thing about guys they don't get sometimes where you're hitting on a girl and and you're like yeah she likes it and she's just fucking yeah but go away you know and so this guy's like damn you find as hell and the camera finally is like you got it is it did you get put it up here or no do you find it they're like you got it you got to go You got to go. And then Cameron pulls out, this is the blackest thing I've ever seen in my life, okay?

And by the way, by blackest, I mean also most Italian. Because let's face it, Italians and blacks are the same, dude. They are the, if you, I'm Italian, okay? So when I say, when I ever I say, oh, man, it's so crazy. Black people do this. I go, so do Italians, man. Think about it. uh pinkie rings right emotional loud in the movie theater italians they're all the same you know so it's like

um anyway he pulls out a bag of money he goes i'm gonna pay you for your time get out of here gives him a stack of money and the guy takes the money and leaves dude and i'm like you don't have to pay him though just kick him out that's pretty i always like to kick someone out and pay them i would go i would i would get kicked out just i i just keep hitting on her so i get money get some mom just trying to get some money now so dude i'm me on that show now so you want to suck my dick oh you want me to get out of here all right cool uh well i happen to know you give the other guy 10k so want to get horizontal sweetie no i'll stay then Um

You found it? No Oh, this is it It's not a blue link, but It's not a blue link Oh, it's up Under what camera Oh, here it is

The TikTok one. Okay, here it is. Introducing AB mesmerized by staff I did that good in person. This guy's a boxer, right? Isn't he? I don't really know but you look so good in person. Thank you. You look like that singer and you know what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure you heard it before. Well, you ready for football? My bad, bro. You're amazing. Hey, we're going to have to ask you to go, my neck. I mean, I have to ask you to go, man. I'm going to pay you for your time.

A reverend, dressed like a reverend. I love you, my nigga. I'm not doing it again. Yeah, no, no, no. I can't ask you the first time. I don't want to have no problems with you. I'm going to pay you for your time. Oh, dude, this has seen so many movies, dude.

You don't need to pay the guy to fucking leave, you know. He thinks he's so fucking Italian. I'm going to do, I'm going to do it right. I'm going to do him right. I'm going to kick him out, but I'm going to give him 10K. I'm going to do them right. Well, I appreciate it, bro. You got to slip up.

Oh, not even Mike. There's been too many. There's been too many Italian movies and mafia movies, you know, there just has been too many too many that now everybody kind of feels that like, you know, you know, there just has been too many that now everybody kind of feels that like, Oh, you know, if some shit went down, you know, I would do the right thing, right? Just, you know, I know, I know legally sometimes you brush up against the law, but also morally, you got to do the right thing. And you also, you got to let, we got to make sure people understand that you mean business, when you mean business, you know? And you're just like a fucking, it's like, you know what it's like?

It's like in the Charlie Kirk funeral memorial thing. Erica Kirk's speech was beautiful. I mean, she just really stepped into it and just was inspirational. strong i mean you look at that woman and you're like god damn that is just a great example of a person you know and um and then that guy gets up there and starts talking about wielding the sword to evil you know and you're like oh yeah but this is a funeral though dude this is actually a memorial and he's just like you wield the sword against evil because they're coming for us Dude, even Charlie Kirk was in the fucking casket, just like, dude, I just, I debate, dude.

The fucking, what was the guy's name who talked about wielding the sword? The bald guy? Steve what? Miller? Dude, that guy was out of line, dude. He just goes, you wield the sword against evil because they're coming. Hey, guy. Dude.

Hey, guy. who that's why i don't like when people start talking about evil i i think it's a misdirected thing because it makes it feel like this thing that either uh uh isn't human right like if evil overcomes you it's it's this thing that a human isn't capable of humans do human shit and part of that stuff is awful stuff I think calling it evil is like putting it at arm's length

when it's like we should be responsible as humans for that stuff and then you know the fact that or you're saying it's this supernatural thing that you know

is just it's that's also bullshit but hey wielding the sword is such a stupid thing to say at a funeral. Also, what are you talking about? You're wearing a tie. Like, what do you? Who?

Who? Who's wielding the sword? Okay, so it's, it's, you're, you're not being literal. Okay. Then stick to what? it's literal this is a fucking memorial for a guy who shouldn't have been killed because all he did was debate people it's so weird dude like i i you know you look at the right and the right is like oh man these liberals are violent and these liberals do that and it's like yes and you and then they and you but you don't it's like anyone that's too much in power bro

you start talking about the wielding the sword and how God anointed them to be the people in power it's dude it's it's it's fucking dick knows shit mom you know what I mean those parties with the fucking masks and the dick nose shit it's just too much man but you know at least I felt happiness in Springfield Missouri at the airport I just My wife was like I got home last night

from Springfield Oh dude And I'm just I get so tired You know how your parents used to be like Oh man I'm so tired And you used to be like pussy And now I'm just like

Fuck Okay it happened 45 years old I think I held out pretty good Okay 45 because my dad was saying that shit When he was like 38 Your mom be like

Yeah, you go, you're like pussy. But I got home last night, and I just go, hell. You know what I want to do when I come home? And I don't like this because a lot of like women will say this. And it's weird. Like women will be like, I just want to turn my brain off. And you're like, no, you don't. Dude.

I want to, you know what I want? I just want a night where I turned my brain off that became coined and now people are like I want a man who will take me on a date take care of everything I'm going to turn my brain off everything is to turn her brain off and I'm using that right now okay because when I'm in fucking Tulsa flying

and I get laid over in Phoenix have to stay the night in Phoenix and the next day wake up early again go to Tulsa then do the show and then I don't get sleep the whole time and then I fly home when I come home what I want to do is say hi to my wife say hi to my kids

and I want to be with them and I want to turn my brain off okay like a chick I just want to turn my fucking brain off right and as I'm driving home from Springfield Missouri

my wife texts me I am watching the Charlie Kirk Memorial and I am bawling my eyes out and immediately I think i'll be home in 45 minutes how long is that charlie kirk thing because i need her to finish it be done crying and some space after that so she's not activated emotionally and i can just get home and turn my fucking brain off and then i realize that thing's going to be all day

And I'm like, fuck, driving home. And she's like, oh, my God, will you watch this with me? And I go, look, it's a shame Charlie Kirk died. He should not have. I think that he was a great human, all right? When people are like, he is hateful, I've seen none of that, okay? Show it to me. And so I'm like, all right, I, I, I, I, I, I don't want to be sad, right.

I don't want to go home, watch Erica Kirk's speech and be sad because I, I, I'm already tired and, and, and, and was in, and was in Missouri. So I don't write back because I'm like, I'm just going to, I'm just going to pretend like that didn't happen. Okay. I get home. Now the kids, they run up to me. Hey, dad, yeah. Now, she was watching the thing. And I go, oh, awesome.

Yeah. Oh, hey, guys. It's, you know, the evening. I got to put the kids to bed. I'm going to go put the kids to bed. My wife is still watching Charlie Kirk stuff. And I'm just like, dude, what's up with women, man? They just want to cry.

They just want to get the tears out. It's like they're like, let's see how many tears I have in my life. Till then, till dust comes out. When are you going to cry? How much are you going to cry? Till dust comes out. You see all the reality TV shows, all the women on the shit. They're crying and yelling and shit.

Till dust comes out. I don't want to cry. So she's like, after you put the kids to bed, will you come watch this with me? And in my head, I just go. In my head, I clench my teeth and go, no. Okay? But I go, oh, I don't know. Let me put the kids to bed.

So I put him to bed. And it's beautiful, dude. It's fun. I'm like, you know, Billy's being silly. Calvin's talking about a book he wants to read. we read a book and I come down and it's 950 and I say and she's and it's and it's just what do you guys talk about wielding a sword you know and I say hey babe I'm actually I'll watch this with you but I'm so tired and I just don't want to do this right now so I'd rather watch something and just like and I

said turn my brain off and chill so if you're going to watch this I'll just go upstairs but I love you and she says okay so I was like fuck yeah dude all right so I'm like what the hell are we gonna watch down here then and then I realized she didn't change the channel and I thought oh she took that as okay go upstairs do what you want so I'm like a little bit like oh fuck man well I kind of want to hang because I just got home from the thing all right. So I'm going to, I'm going to go to bed. So I go upstairs, go to bed at 10. I put on an episode of Black Rabbit, and I just go, nah, turn off, all right?

And then I wake up at 730 to take Cal to school or whatever. Calvin's in my bed. Kristen is not anywhere. So I go, what the fuck? She's probably in Calvin's bed. Calvin ran in here. We was sleeping, you know, sort of scared or something. So I, uh, so I look at, uh, the, the phone that goes off because time to take

to come to school. I look at Calvin and I go, nah, fuck that. And I put the phone down and I went back to sleep till 9.30. Didn't take him to school. Lucky him, dude. So then I, we all wake up and I go, I'm going to take Calvin to school. school he's going to be late i just i had no sleep this weekend and i got so much last night and i'm so fucking happy about it she's okay so i go take him to school then i go get coffee and i'm like

monday monday la la la la la la la la it's today or whatever the fuck it's thing and i'll always be drinking coffee done i'll work out then i'll fucking get a protein shit whatever it fucking goes um i try to ignore all the trainers to get me doing free sessions so they can hook me into a deal da da da da da da da da monday so i'm in the gym now drank coffee no no i'm not in the gym i'm gonna go to the gym i'm drinking the coffee my time when you're coming back to my wife And I go, huh, I say, soon, I'll get your coffee, get her a coffee, come home, doing husbandly duty shit, getting her, took the kid to school late, yeah, whoops, got her a mocha latte, came home, and I'll be damned. She's rewatching the Charlie Kirk Memorial, until dust comes. out and i'm like oh oh no and she says i want you to watch this with me ah it's fucking 10 a.m.

dude and i say babe i will watch this with you but i don't want to watch this right now i have to go to the gym and she says but i feel like you know we i won't really want you to will you watch it now, I feel like called to have you watch this. And I go, ah. How long is it? She says, half hour. Two things. Half hour? It's too long. The second thing is. If she said half hour, snower. I lost. I lost.

I lost. What can I do at this moment? Men, husbands. What can I do at this moment? Whoops. I'm fucked. So I say, okay. And I sit down.

And I watch the part where they talk about how great Carly Kirk was, and then the part where she comes out, and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to watch her to cry about her husband. It's 10, fucking 20 a.m. on a Monday, and I just want to fucking go work out. And I was just in Missouri, and I felt that moment of happiness. And I was in Tulsa before then. I got to meet two very cool people in my show Carl Lenton, Laura Lenton. I have to watch this shit.

And I don't want to cry, but I know I'm going to. Because this is the saddest thing ever that happened. He had two little ones. Fuck. So she plays it. And Erica Kirk's talking and she gives a great speech and I did cry. Fuck. And I felt it.

And she also cried my wife again. And that's fine. But I'm just like, I guess I can compartmentalize, dude, you know? Because like when I say, when I see bad stuff happen in the world, I go, oh, God, I don't want to see that. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to, you know. And yeah, people then say, oh, it's privilege.

And then I go, okay, but, you know, not everybody knows about everything. So are we even supposed to know about all the shit that happens? You know? So, oh, I guess just, you know, that was nice to have that moment at the airport where I was super happy and I was thinking when I was happy I was thinking about my family you know I don't like to be sad I do not like it dude you know how therapists are like well you have to feel all your emotions

there's a part of me that just wants to be like nah fuck you dude I'll just be happy and then sometimes mad but never sad dude uh what are your five emotions uh oh uh uh excited uh hungry and mad. That's my three emotions. Sadness? No. Let's go to madness. Let's be happy 10% of the time.

Mad, you know, 90% of the time. And never sad and hungry. You know, because kind of in perpetuity, you know, because like it's like i can't ever stop fucking i got i got you got to keep eating like you're a fucking great white or something dude it's so annoying how much we have to eat and we just keep shitting come on bodies figure it can't how long we've been alive evolution dude you know i'm talking about you know how hardcore evolution is we were you know we were fish dude we were fucking tadpoles in the water we were we were we were and then we were and then we were monkeys

and we were fucking bent over fucking you know we'd be bent over with our asses out just displayed and women would be just bent over displayed and just their tits all out dangling hairy all over over men would just be like struggling to make fire and then they made fire and the whole time we're just eating and shitting and then and then and then you want to get to the point where it's like okay now now we made houses and clothes and cell phones and things orbit the earth people have been to space dude

and we still have to eat all the time and also shit and wipe our asses that's so fucked up dude evolution fix that Dude, I'd give up, you know, PlayStation 5. What the fuck? I'd give up LASIC. Let's figure out how to stop having shit come out of our ass, dude. Hey, evolution.

Stop! We were fucking, you know, we had little short arms and tails and shit. Way, way, way billions of years ago. And I still fucking got it. eat roots grain bars and then poop them out in a fucking toilet that's horse shit so it's like you know uh that's just that's just that's just that's just really that makes me think that there's a simulation that we're experiencing the and whoever the power that be is they're just like keep them shitting keep them shit makes us money you know whoever

it is. Keep them eating and shit and it makes us money. We get kickbacks from Applebee's. We get kickbacks from from Applebee's Chili's and McDonald's and then also fucking bounty. So we get kickback. So we want them to eat and shit and wipe. That's what we want. So there we go. And we're just in the fucking pods, just hooked in. Thinking we're, you know, on a toilet shit. Oh, fuck, whatever. It's just, You know, this is, I don't know. What is this podcast, honestly? But it is what it is.

And I, I know. I appreciate you. I'll be in Pensacola. I'll be in New Orleans. I'll be in Oslo. I got international dates. Go to chrysley.com. Thank you very much for listening.

Appreciate you. Subscribe and like. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know.