Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 468. What's The Bag???

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 Watch GROW OR DIE on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. In this week's Congratulations Chris talks Riyadh Comedy Fest, Mr Beast and his dead eyes, AI friends, and some diet tips. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk Hey, what's up, guys? It is absolutely congratulations time. Congratulations. Hey guys. I am here and is the countdown, at least for me, it might look a little, well, no, it's the countdown to Europe, really. I'll be in Europe real soon. And also, it'll probably be, what do you call it?

When you're listening to this, I could be in Europe even. I'm at least going to Europe. at this point um so yeah so i'm i'm going to be in oslo i'm going to be in where am i going to oslo i'm going to uh amsterdam i'm going to uh copenhagen i'm going to uh gas what's that one i don't know where's the i'm looking for the my my my here we go congratulations like uh i'm going to uh Gothenburg, Stockholm, London, and Dublin. There it is.

Bublin and Dublin. Midland. Then I'm going to Midland, Texas, and Waco. And Syracuse, New York, and Hamilton, Ontario. Anyway, I got a bunch of dates. Go to chrystalia.com. Get those tickets. And the drunk girls merch is out, too.

I don't know if I've ever plugged that here, but it's nice. You want some nice stuff? Go there. It's chrystalia.com. That's the merch. uh and with the the bit that uh was the most viral bit ever for me i think yeah um and uh so i am let's see my back hurts my calf hurts uh and that's it so so it's pretty much part of the course here's a here's a deal if you're i'm 45 okay and you know i look okay hey uh i look good uh i look good

all right that's it that's it i know there's haters and i know there's people out there that are like wow chris looks terrible i you know i don't news flash i don't okay i'm 45 i work out i keep my back nice and i and i eat egg whites this morning i made them and blueberries just because they were there but dude i'm hooked on this chat gpd thing i go on chat gt And I say, all right, I'm 210, 45 years old. What do I got to do to lose 10 pounds of fat? They said, would you like me to calculate your daily macros? I go, what's macros?

Because let's face it, I've never known what that is. And I don't know what it means. Does it mean track protein and track carbohydrate? and track fats? If it does, then I'm tracking macros. Tracking macros. But if it's more than that, then no. So let me tell you how hard it is to eat the way you're supposed to.

All right? Nah, I'm lucky. Okay. I got a good metabolism, right? I don't know what my body fat percentage is, whatever, but I'm a tall drink of water. so when I do gain weight, it goes all over. All right.

Now, let me tell you, though, you're supposed to eat, what, like 2,000, 2,500 calories a day? Hey. Now, here's the thing about that. Absolutely not. Okay? That's one and a half meals, especially if you go to Cheesecake Factory. If you go to Cheesecake Factory and have a Coca-Cola, you're at 6,000 calories. Okay?

That's it. Dude, I, and nighttime is the time. So you wake up, it's all, you're all gravy, dude. I don't wake up hungry. I'm no bitch. I think, honestly, if you wake up hungry, you're kind of a bitch. And I don't mean that in the derogatory female way. I just mean, like, dudes too, you know?

Like, you're just, you're just not, you're not really. So I don't wake up hungry, but I wake up and I got, I got, I'll do like, I got egg whites, okay? And I, and by the way, trying to take those yolks out, the eggs too hard. Come on, chickens. Separate them. I don't know, man. I put them in the bowl and then I took that, I tried to scoop the, the yellow parts out. And then I just kind of, then I just, then on the last two, I cracked them and I just kind of let the white come out a little bit.

But yeah, come on, chickens. Got to keep himself. separated. Yay! The egg whites and egg yellows. Egg yolks. But, but, yeah, so come on, chickens. Help us out, right?

And so I did that and I made the, and I got the blueberries and I went to my gym, bro. And I, no, I'm not going to talk about the gym a lot here, okay? I'm sorry, I know it's boring for people sometimes. But I got to tell you about this macro thing. I went, I did legs, okay? All right. You know your boy does that because he's trying to get gluten.

Now he's trying to get a shelf in the back, all right? He's trying to get a place to put the protein shake when he's done to have two free hands. Okay? And I did that. I went to get, I go chat chipped-t. I had six egg whites and the 19 blueberries that goes, let me calculate that, calculate that, tell me what I have a left. Then I go, and I get a protein thing.

I go, which one of, I take a picture, send it to J-C-G-D, which one of these protein drinks should I get? And they go, well, if you want to do this, get this, if you want to do this, if you want I go, enough. I don't say say less, but I go, enough. And I got the one I wanted to. Yes, dude. And then I came home. And I, then when I got hungry, I made, now check this out. I made tuna. All right. Now, tuna fish is three is, is like two cans of tuna fish, like 200 calories or something, 250 calories. All right. Add mayo. 7,000 calories, okay? So basically, eat tuna like it's balsa wood.

You have to, it's balsa wood. It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it tastes fine, but it's drier than the, than the, than the Sahara desert, okay? So, so, so I'm like, what am I going to do to this tuna? What the, what the fuck am I going to do to this tuna, dude? Right? So I say, oh. Well, let's see, what's up, chat, GPD?

Hey, chat, GPD. What do I do to keep the fat down when I'm going to eat tuna, but I don't want it to be so dry? What the hell do I put in it? Because I grew up thinking mayonnaise, that'll blow my fats beyond, all right? And I'm trying to keep it lean. So they tell me mustard. And I go, ew. but then I go, huh, because I'm open-minded.

And maybe the mustard will make it nice. And then I look at, I say, but mustard doesn't have calories and the mayonnaise does? Then I look up mustard. Mustard, do you know how many calories mustard has? Zero. Hey, God, explain it. It's not water. What is it?

Does it taste? somebody's lying and you want me to believe we're not in a simulation mustard has zero calories does it have ingredients yes calories but it says no so i made it with mustard i made the turkey with mustard and i go wow it tastes not as good as mayonnaise but fine i still ate it two cans protein dude i still got to eat like 75 grams of protein i'm like this is disgusting egg whites, tuna, and I have to eat like two chicken breasts later or drink a fucking muscle milk? I mean, fine, dude, you know. Let me tell you something about protein bars, protein shakes, protein anything.

You got no business. There's some good, some really good ones. You got no business being a bad one. You got no business being a bad one. okay there are terrible ones i i had a pop tart one it's terrible dude you got no business dude i'll go out and i'll get a fucking macro bar i'll go out i'll get a muscle milk's fine you're a disgusting protein bar you got no business i i'm it's beyond bro get make it better Portobe bars are so sneaky.

You've got to look at the ingredients. Anyway, dude, it's something I can obsess about it. Yes! Dude, it's something I can obsess about. And I am so obsessing about it, bro. Me and chat GPT are homies. They got girlfriends and boyfriends now that you can just get. Remember in New York, they did that whole,

what is it called, friend or whatever, the AI friend? They went up with a campaign where you can, what's it called? Look it up. a bunch of billboards and shit. They got like 100 and so many billboards around New York. And it's like a necklace. It's basically black mirror.

And you can have a friend and you can just have it on your, and they're like, you could, what's it called, friend? Friend. It's a basic. And, but you can, uh, you can wear it and then it can be with you. And one of the selling points is you can binge your favorite show with your friend. And, and you go, oh, nothing sadder. you're watching the computer talking to another computer you know hey sad get a real friend and if you

can't fine look if this thing's going to help people fine but it's going to end up not helping people now let me tell you something else too and i and i mean this wholeheartedly i'm getting one and I am going to live it up. Dude, it's going to be like Thelma and Louise for me and the friend. I'm going to put a necklace on. I'm going to be like, we want to do that. I'm going to make it so it's a bad guy. I'll be the good guy.

The friend will be the bad guy. Let's rob a bank. He'll try to like get me to do stuff. You probably can't. They probably won't do that. But I, what I want is one of those guys. And I tell you, dude, because then I could watch TV with my wife, whatever I want. And she could be painting doing her thing.

And I could just be talking. to the friend instead. This way I have a real body and also somebody that I could talk to about what I want to talk to about, you know? But yeah, this is the beginning. It's the beginning. I mean, dude, we're so far, we're so far fucked.

We're so far fucked, dude. I mean, Donald Trump tweeted the fucking about med beds. What are they called? Medbeds? Donald Trump just tweeted a fake AI news brief about fake Donald Trump talking about how you can now get med beds with like Medicare or some shit

and you can't and they don't exist and that's the prez dude and that it's like a huge QAnonon thing is med beds. They literally, it's a conspiracy where you think where you can go into a medbed and not only can you get back to optimal health, you can like shave 30 years off of you if you're old

and you can regrow limbs. And Trump just goes, retweet. Trump could just goes, truth it. Medbeds, um, I'm so it's it's just I'm going to get a medbed and I'm going to sit in it with my friend around my neck and just be like how many limbs you want friend

that's the future but how insane bro how insane it's crazy you know you look at the news now and you go oh oh oh people in Palestine and Israel are probably like, man, what's going on in America? You know, they get those clips and they put them out like somebody's beating the shit out of some, some army guys beating the shit out of some, you know, woke liberal mess in Portland

with tear gas. You know, these ice guys, they had enough, dude. Have you ever seen somebody who had enough more than a fucking ice? agent dude they're there and they're just like all right just back up look yeah back up and somebody's like out there crumping at them back up and they're just and the ice guy's like all right back up dude they're the most had it up to here guys some ladies just opening her pussy in the middle of the street on top of a manhole okay nice pussy and crumping uh you guys is going to get back.

This is, uh, we're going to tear gas you. Your eyes and your pussy are going to burn. Some guy out there just, just, I mean, you see these ice agents just get, all right, you know what? I'm going to fucking throw this guy. I'm going to throw this guy. And they do, they do. They do like a fucking DDT or a, or a, or a spin around like they, like a, like a,

like a Razor Ramon move. They go, fuck it. I'm Brett the barber beef cake. Come here. And then they just toss a guy out like that fucking, like a discus in the Olympic, in the Olympics. And then everyone's like, how dare you? And yeah, I understand. Don't throw people, right?

But also, you asking for it. And I know, I know protesting people think it works. But it's just like, does it? You know? Oh, does it? You still got 35 fucking millionaire comedians going over to Rida and fucking playing in Saudi Arabia, even though half of them were very serious about the Me Too movie.

movement. Oh. Hey, which comic's going to get beheaded this week? Dude, and I'm not saying I would or wouldn't go. If the bags are plenty, maybe you go. You go, you do a few fucking jokes about pants. You fly home. Okay. You keep your head on. But this Rida comedy festival, where, where, what's that? Rihata? Rihanna? Rihanna? Riyadh, Riyad? Look how fucking cool I am. I don't even know what it is. And these fucking, you got,

you got these comedians that are like, I don't know, just huge on the Me Too movement. And then they go, what's the bag? Bro, they won't let women show their mouths. And just comics. Oh, what's that? bag with their little flute oh yeah yeah yeah yeah oh but yeah but women are the same as horses so anyway i was at verizon the other day yeah yeah yeah oh okay so here's 200k and i'm not

saying i would or wouldn't do it but comedians that are like women's rights rights we're here for minority we do all the things everybody and say what's the bag fucking laying down first class. So anyway you guys ever been to Costco

put your whole face under my balls this world it's insane it's insane dude comedians have zero backbone This is the comedians. You know, those fucking things where you, where you, where you, where you have this thing?

Uh, uh, the, the, it's like on Christmas, you get like a nutcracker. I'll be standing up and then you hit the bottom of it and they just go, that's a fucking comedian, dude. That's a, that's a, that's a regular at the comedy store. Just fucking, yeah, let's do it. What's the bag? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm definitely, Black Lives Matter and the Me Too movement is amazing. Uh-huh.

What's the bag? I'm going to Riyadh, baby. Let's go to Rihanna. Hey, oh, fucking, dude, I mean, it's such backwards bullshit, dude. Oh, yeah, I believe everyone's good. Oh, everyone be good. Everyone be good. Let's do that.

Free speech, too, by the way. What did they do, killer journalist? That's terrible. Wait a minute. What's the bag? Here I come, Rihata. you fucking I mean

we know comedians don't have spines but god damn, dude it's unreal and I'm not saying I'd go or wouldn't go but my god dude I it is what it is

uh And shout out to Shane Gillis for, you know, they doubled the bag apparently for him and he goes, no. And I'm not, you know, look, if we're going to sit here and pretend that America doesn't do evil shit, that's, you know, I'm not going to do that. You still got to perform. I still got to perform at the fucking sangra theater in Pensacola, you know, two days ago. And I'm not going to be like, yeah, well. But I'm not Mr. fucking what's the bag. I'm not Mr.

Well, I mean, I am Mr. What's the bag. But I'm not fucking, you know what I mean, one of those. If you press under my taint, I don't crumple. God damn, dude. This whole world is mad. I mean, it's mad. I mean, Donald Trump could literally wake up tomorrow and tweet, suck, pussies, and nothing would happen.

And, and, you know, maybe nothing should happen. But, dude, that's just, I mean, times are so different. They're different. And we, uh, uh, I watched this video the other, my wife said me, my wife is just like, hey, here's, here's my impression of my wife. Hey, here's 40 reels. And I go, oh, fuck. I got to watch two of them, I guess, to stay married.

Hey, here's my impression of a wife. Here's 45 reels. Oh, fuck. Here's the husband. Oh, Jesus. All right. Oh, God. So many of these are sad.

Uh, so she sends me something the other day. I'm in Norlands, which is basically, hell. And hell with tits. And hell with beads. And so

we she sends me this thing about this YouTube I don't like click clickbait. Yeah, I guess you have to do it now. But it's crazy.

It's like I get mad when I see a video. She sends me a YouTube video. She's like, this is so crazy, interesting. And she sends it to me and it says, it's like, this is the guy who's responsible for killing the most people worldwide. And he didn't even know it. And I go, just fucking who is it, dude?

I don't want to watch a 22-minute YouTube video on it. Because it's clickbait, right? You know, it's a little clickbaity? And I go, all right. You know what? And I say, I got to go to. actually got to go to sleep. So I'm just going to play it while I go to sleep. Kill two birds with one son. Make my wife happy

happy. Make my, uh, my body happy. So I turn it on and it's like this thing that's really, really what. Like, what's up with YouTube? Dude, YouTube, remember when YouTube videos used to just be like a guy uh, with a fucking, uh, fedora on? And he'd like, you'd hear someone go, so up. And he'd, then, he'd slip and fall and like that had 25 trillion views and it was filmed on the fucking on the

back of a toaster you know and now it's like you're watching a YouTube video and you're like oh this video cost 16 million dollars and it's just a guy talking about somebody you know and you're like who's who's funding this like I saw a video from the onion the other day and granted the onion makes money and the man the onion's hilarious but they had like a whole set and it was like a it was like a fake talk show that the dad that the that the coach was uh they were interviewing this coach and this basketball team in high school and the kid his basketball team was talking about how he took a three uh half court shot for no reason and the and the and the coach was like well we shouldn't be doing that and then the kid was just like rude to the coach and it was and it was

a fucking instagram video And I was like, this thing costs 60K. And just what's it for? Did they build the fucking set of the talk show? They had to get like footage of the kid also at a gym shooting. Like, what is this? It was fucking hilarious. Don't get me wrong.

I'm happy they made it. But with what money, dude? A bottle of water is $12. What's going on? What kind of deal are you getting at Panavision, the Onion? So I'm like, all right. Okay, that's fine. So you're watching, so I watched the, so I watched the, so I watched the, this YouTube video.

And it's just like this, it's, I mean, the editing, the, the, the cartoons, you got animators. They got a guy outside of like the fucking, uh, Lincoln Memorial. It's just like they traveled play. I'm like, this was just, that's not. This wasn't on like the Discovery Channel. And he's talking about this guy that made, well, there were three, like, big car companies or something like that in 1912 or some shit. And they were figuring out how to make cars good and they were too loud and they were trying to, they got the gasoline, but the gasoline was leaded. and so if they made the gasoline not if they made it with with no lead they found out that basically lead in the gasoline made the made the um uh motors quieter and so the the it was like a huge i mean there were this was like the this was like these were like the fucking mark zuckerberg and the fucking uh Elon Musk of the day they just had they were going to be so rich

and they found out that lead in the gasoline made everyone more retarded, okay? It basically lowered everyone's IQ and it and it also, it also murdered people, okay? Like you'd go, oh, let and then 20 years later, you die early, right? Okay, because you had a Ford, okay? And, um, so okay but the guy who knew about this was like it's fine and and it wasn't and it fucked up the ozone so bad the ozone is just remember when they used to talk about all the ozone layers getting it's fine it's finally getting better the ozone layer because they don't use lead anymore in anything except uh i think propeller planes or something single motor planes something like that so they got rid of lead but this guy

I can't remember his name what is it a guy who put lead in gas and killed everyone that's how we do it uh generating um midgilly

Thomas Midgley came right up imagine that's your fucking legacy chemical engineer an inventor for General Motors in 1920s he developed trithelal lead I don't know why do they use how come like these

why these words so annoying like because science guys want to sound smart why don't they just call them fucking you know boobies wasn't taken back then what's wrong with that that's so easy to remember yeah we use boobies to quiet the engine you know no nah it's got to be

be spelled T-E-T-R-A-E-T-A. When is a fucking A before an E, you know? Barely ever. Maybe in like a black guy's name and that's it. So anyway, they made this lead in the gasoline to eliminate the engine knocking and improve fuel performance. And now it says, while Midgeley's invention enabled more powerful car

engines, it had catastrophic consequences for global public health and the environment. At the time, acute toxicity of lead was already well established see this guy new and he would just go out there

and be like do like talks and be like it's fine and then he would fucking sniff lead at the talks and then

got polio and died not from dude this guy this is how the guy died this is the this is this

this is this this is the most if I died this way okay let me just actually think about this for a second if i die away like this i just want you to go like this oh come on he died by uh he had polio so he constructed this like chair with rope and wood where it helped him get up and then one day he just slipped in the chair and the rope in the chair

strangled him so you'd be like you'd be like at that moment you'd be like to God in your head you'd be like oh

what the lead thing and God's just like yes yes yes anyway there's no more lead in gasoline

worldwide it started in the 7th and then like you know fucking new guinea by the time 2021 came along they were like okay you know uh and so let's see who the last who what was the last country what was the last country to take lead out of gasoline here we go um Algeria I know that

where is that where's Algeria where's Algeria where's Algeria it's basically oh it's in Africa okay so they were just like

it's fine for so long and then they just go okay in 2021 that that's what they did scientifically and historically and historically Um

Yeah Fantastic Uh Oh Oh man Got a phone call from A guy that I've been meaning to fucking God damn it

All right well I'll have to call him later Um Yeah I just I got up I got a news for you guys though I lost my wallet again

dude my producers are looking at me like what the heck and I don't I don't my producer look at me like what the hell and dude oh my God no way yeah and I'm

I got it I I've never lost anything. Okay. So now I'm alarmed. I'm a 45-year-old guy. Yeah, I'm fit as shit, but I'm alarmed, right? I, I, I, it's, it wasn't, it's in my house somewhere, which is the worst part.

It's somewhere in my house. Somewhere in the house, his wallet. His wallet lies. Well, that's creepy. Tell me more about that. Will he find it? before Europe? Or will he have to cancel all of his cards and reissue new ones within three days?

So that's the dilemma, right? And I've been tearing up the house looking up for this. I don't know if this is true and I don't want to blame my two-year-old, but I feel like maybe he took it and did something with it. And then I was like, I have a black wallet. I fucking kind of deserve that. Thank God I didn't get my new driver's, license yet oh wait it came i forgot um but i didn't get my new driver's license yet and i didn't even get

like so i have to reissue new cards now it's so annoying so i'm gonna get i'm and i'm telling you right now and i'm saying it on this podcast so you guys can hold me accountable i'm getting now i'm getting my business card back tomorrow you know and i canceled it somewhere in this house is so fucking annoying but i am getting the so i was in my uh uh car today take taking Calvin to school. And my assistant texted me, oh, Chris, you need to get a big, fat, orange wallet. And I was driving. So I clicked on the screen. What does it play? Like, you know, I wanted to hear the text, not, not read the text. So I don't get pulled over or crash. Not that I don't do that, but I try not to. And she's, and so. And,

And so it read out, we need to get you a big fat orange wallet. You know, the lady was just like, my Audi was like, we need to get you a big fat orange wallet. And Calvin thought, I mean, he laughed so hard. And he didn't stop laughing until we got to school. And then when I picked him up at school, he was talking about how funny it was about the big fat orange wallet. thing and then I came home and he told everybody about the big fat orange wallet thing and it was like almost worth that I lost my wallet to see Calvin be that excited and

silly about that but I got to get a big fat orange wallet and Calvin goes what does it mean a wallet to be fat? I'm like oh man uh uh But, oh, wait, there's Raiyada. What is it, Riyadh, comedy? Riyadh, comedy, backlash. Oh, here we go. There's backlash. Of course, Vanity Fair.

Who's that? You know, everyone's talking about it yet. Late Night Talk Show host being pulled from the airwaves and then reinstated for you. Yeah, okay. Kevin Hart, P. Averson, Izanzari, and more than the comics to perform. Hmm.

I guess. of he was going to do it and then they fired him because he said something about the politics yeah I don't know man oh it's it's uh oh wow it's like big it's like a lot of guys

Jesus Christ I know I just it's you know what it is it's the virtue signaling you know America's it does fucking bad shit too but just I don't know, man. They got so much money.

I'd probably do it. Anyway, read. That's what it is. Read, hell yeah. Mr. Beast is gone. He's gone. He's gone. dude it's like he's trying to show people uh what uh he is he's becoming lex luther in real

time you understand i told you this a long time ago when he smiles his eyes do fucking nothing. That's crazy, dude. When you smile and your eyes do nothing? Like, when you smile and your eyes

just, no. You're a fucking lunatic. You can tell. When somebody takes a picture of you, massage the lens a little, bit and um he doesn't he's 100% dead in his eyes and his smile is fine but it looks jerky with his fucking dead eyes so whatever and uh you know maybe he's really nice he does a lot for like africans or indians or something i don't know but in america he's like hey this house is on

fire try to get fucking half a million dollars in there or die you want the money see here's the thing if you you know it's shitty what mr beast is doing period okay he lit a house on fire and he's like any money you could take out of this house

and basically not die is yours okay that shitty period already okay however if you don't think that's shitty if you're like well fuck it though it's up to the guy like some people are like hey dude the guy wants to do it. The guy wants to do it.

Fuck it. If, you know, he dies, he dies. Whatever. I love how people are like, yeah, but it's controlled fire. Okay, man, controlled fire. Yeah, okay. Yeah, all right.

It's still fire. You know what happens with fire? It goes places. Fire. It goes places for a limited time only. Fire. Get some fire. It goes places.

That's the tagline. You never know where it's going to end up. Fire. Water can stop it, but water dries. then you never know what the fire's going to take over fire it'll go anywhere fire die new fire so so put it in your house lose your house fire lose everyone in your house if the fire goes and you wake up too late fire die fire you never know where it's gonna go fire where will it go everywhere except water but water dries and then when the Water dries enough.

Fire can go there. So fire goes everywhere. Where can fire not go? Outer space. But neither can you. So basically, it's fucking every. Anyway, dude, Mr. Beast is like, try to get this money, dude. Fires in the fucking house and money's in the house.

And the guy, by the way, the guy's like starts tied up. Oops. And it catches fire a few times. But here's how you know it's shitty. Imagine me, if Mr. Bees just did the whole thing, like his right now, he's like, the fire, we're getting a guy. He's going to get $500,000. If he can, drag this out and the fire. Right.

Think about it. Oh, you need money. You're going to get the fire. Go ahead. It's in a fire. Aw, you're going to get it. Don't get burned. It fucking flips it on its head.

And you go, oh, he's just a fucking Lex Luther, dude. He's Rex Luther. it's just you know and my group chat was going off they're like he has so many haters fucked out he does a lot of good yeah okay you know again nobody thinks they're bad but mr bese thinks that you can um this man is literally in a burning building There's fire on the door The entire ride's on fire Let me just say this

What a bunch of fucking dorks, dude Excited? Like jumping up and down Dressed like firemen Eyes doing fucking nothing Eyes doing nothing Like a white mom From 9 to 2

On a weekday Just fucking I'm joking You know kids are at school But yeah, dude This is the craziest thing we ever felt Yeah, yeah Oh, it's the crazy thing ever dead

Bill? You're fucking, yeah, that's what it said. Oh my God, that's so funny, I'm just going to say this. We're watching this man turning to jigsaw In real time. It's 100%. Do you want to play a game?

You've been wanting money too long. Now you get to choose Money, live or die. Money or fire. Live or die. It's $500,000, which he could win if he completes seven death traps. Dude, the dude is top. Did you just hear that sentence?

Which you could win if he completes seven death traps. Hey, how about one? He's tied up in a chair. The fucking house is burned. This is just. You know, And they fucking, who played Stuart Smalley in the center of there? And they tried to cancel Al Franken, you know?

And they go, no, Al Franken. No, you took a picture in 1999 pretending to squeeze a girl's boobs. What? And then you just have Lex Luther for real. And then you just have jigsaw? In case you care us who this gentleman is, he's actually a professional stuff, man. But we are going to push him to the max in this video. In case you care who this gentleman is.

Showed your cars, showed your cards. You don't care who this guy is. If you fucking care, you know, this plebeian is in here, you can't really see him, but that doesn't matter. He's going to fucking burn alive maybe. Anyway, if you care who he is, it's Steve he pulls out the guy's on fire

the guy's on fire didn't even get the whole thing didn't even get the whole thing didn't even get the whole thing dude his legs are on fire his legs are on fire This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life, you know?

It's legs out of fire! Dude, this is idiocracy. This is basically the next episode of this is Outch my balls or whatever the fuck that one thing is. 100%. Outs my balls is going to be a really popular YouTube page soon. Sponsored by fucking Helix. Out's my balls.

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All right here we got this fucking 19 year someone's going to just wind up and punch him in the balls. We have ballrog here. While other money managers are holding, Dynamic is hunting. Seeing past the horizon, investing beyond the benchmark,

because your money can't grow if it doesn't move. Learn more at dynamic.c.c.c.c.c.c.c. uh yeah so it's just pretty crazy it's just pretty crazy i don't um get oh yes didn't we talk about this no i saw this on the the dude with the skateboard drop this red bull is just like a red bull's basically mr beast red bull's like we're going to jump out of a plane with a crocodile no and you gotta yeah we're giving you no scissors and tape and you can fucking cut up the crocodile and make a parachute if you can make a part make a big a parachute at a crocodile skin if you can't oh and by the way you can't have the crocodile eat you're gonna die by the crocodile or

you're gonna hit the ground or you can cut up the crocodile make a back make a uh fucking parachute fucking four crocodile arms just and um so this guy did a 22 story skateboard I always even call this a fucking half pipe you know on the side of a building this has to be in

where is this? Wow let's see here let's see him do it just gets shitting himself dude God, people look so stupid with a GoPro on her head Look, I mean, just shitting himself

Oh, look at the Prada sponsorship I mean, dude, take it a sweet old time I would too, though, really, really milking it Oh, there it goes I mean Oh, fucking guy Just the worst coverage They just cut to a shot from a satellite

Have guys along the building The worst coverage I'm going to strangle my dogs The worst coverage right here Oh, the worst coverage wow what are the g forces how did this work you know

gonna that's crazy how much is that guy going to die in three days just because you're like you need that tree I don't know I was fucking drunk um I mean dude show us he had a fucking GoPro on

Show us that. That was just, he's like, that's just for me, that part. An ex-CIA officer finally finds joy in peace from a human doing to a human being, from a human doing to a human being by Robert Choi is available now on books. com.com, and everywhere books are sold. I mean, a fucking hyperlink. That link is amazing. Go to holler dot baby slash chrystaly if you want to get a shout out on this podcast.

Oh, he actually has a GoPro here. They got it. Oh, I see you put it on X. There it is. He's got his GoPro. World record attempt. It hides. Oh, wow.

Jesus Christ. Piss and shit all down that building if I'm doing it. Also, would have lost control the first second. The board would have been fucking. I would have been falling so fast and the board would have would hit my head or my back, you know, 17 seconds after I went. Oh. Come on. Show us.

Show us. Wow. That's fucking crazy, actually. All right. Come on. Wow. Wow. So what? You know? So fucking what. So what, dude. I don't care about anything like this. The Mr. Beast thing, the fucking Red Bull. I don't care, dude. Like, you know, what is this? To distract us? I don't know. I don't know. I don't really know. I don't know what this,

I don't know what you want from this podcast anymore. Sign up for the Patreon. Here's the thing. I've been, this podcast has been going for seven to eight years. God, that's crazy. Since before the world started ending. And, you know,

back in its fucking heyday when they were about, you know, when podcasts were still kind of like, oh man, there's so many bad podcasts now. Jesus Christ. When they were still like good, you know, I'm an old head. I guess.

But now, you know, it's just like, I'm a chick. Join me a chick every week talking about the goings-on. On my new podcast, there's something about Mary. Hi, I'm Mary somebody. Join me, some chick. Where every week we talk, or those podcasts that are like the fucking, the fashion ones or the, you know, they talk. talk about oh god anyway uh uh you know i don't know i don't know i who knows how long this

fucking podcast is going to go i do know it has a really hardcore fan base though man and like i do know that you guys not that i want to stop it but you beg me not to stop it I'll try So sign up for the Patreon is what I'm saying If you want to keep this thing going Because that's the reason why this exists Patreon spanks Um

This fucking This fucking thing is Look at they wrote on this dock The United States lost the Ryder Cup tournament To the Europeans here in America I don't know what any of that means Rider Cup S

S Acon's son releasing new music Of course Oh The outfits The outfits

Trashbags Dude Okay so that's Acon on the left Right just watching them House looks lit dude Okay Here we go

Dog shit Um Look Look at Look I don't like to be negative Look I don't like to be negative Dog shit Dude

I mean how can you What's that what's song is that called ice on my neck you can't plead that money on my mind you can't see that i mean just do that you might as well just do that you're like fucking i show speed when he freestyles you know he's just bitch oh my ding can have freed that Hey. Like there's base invaders. Calesthetics.

Sweating to the oldies. Dude. What the fuck? Salate. Oh my God. No way. A con. Who's his son?

B con. Convict music. Hey, what's up? I'm B-Con. A-con son. Convict music. Yeah, I have a brother. He's C-Con.

Hey. I'm C-com. I have a son. He's D-Con. Um. Oh, man, dude. The muffler in the middle is still rocking tight jeans, dude. Uh, unreal.

Well, fellas, that's good for now. I appreciate you guys. Come see me. Chrisleyer.com. I've been really just kind of like loving, doing my job. So come see me. Life rips. I'm going to Waco and Hamilton, Ontario, and Chicago, Illinois.

I'll see you soon, guys. See you, my babies.