Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 473. Middle Finger Stays Up

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 Watch GROW OR DIE on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. 🎰 Legendz Social Casino and Sportsbook. 100% match on your first purchase. (up to $100) legendz.com This week Chris discusses the Dodgers World Series win, the newish Fantastic Four movie, the Joke telling of Elon Musk, and more. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Sometimes my guys don't update the document, so it's maybe episode 473 of congratulations. congratulations um it is uh man i tell you what dude i was just having this conversation with uh my my bud here ivan get rid of and well you know and also one fire um about eating late at night and it's awesome isn't it isn't eating late at night awesome because you like they're I'll tell you, there are times where I just go, oh, heck yeah, man. Eating late at night, watching a show, awesome. And I get excited for it. I get, like, rare in a go.

Like, at 3.30 p.m. I'll just be like, oh, yeah. I'll remember that I could do that tonight. You know, I could, like, have a burger and ice cream. And I go and binge, like, some stupid new show. And you'd be like, oh, yeah, audibly at 3.30. And I get excited, dude. And I'll, and I'll, and I did that for a long, long time. Now, this is getting annoying when I talk about this, and I know it is.

My work, my, my health kick, my workout kick. But I've legitimately been doing this since September 20 something. I've been very, you know, not completely strict with my diet, but I've been doing that 40%, 30%, 30% thing. And I, I, you know, I, I, you know, I dropped 40%. and now chat cheap t says i can be 210 uh and add 10 i said well i'm 200 now and i could be 210 with added extra 10 pounds of muscle strictly muscle by september 26th uh 2006 so i'm i'm i'm doing that i'm working on it uh and i i i was talking to right here before the show about eating at night and about how great it is because it really is and when i when i when i decided when i was like

i'm going to try and get healthy because i'm 45 i'm just going to do it i'm like you know what there's no way though the late at night maybe i could figure out something with the late maybe there's some way i could figure out the late at night eating and i can just be like you know maybe maybe i'll only eat certain times you know i don't eat the morning i don't what it is but i just got into a rhythm i went to europe and that's what that's what rocked me because because I was so out of my element that I'd just go, let's just find stuff that I can eat quickly and it was healthy and all that.

And now, dude, I haven't eaten late at night one time, dude. And I haven't eaten sweets. I haven't eaten ice cream at night. And I'm just like, how's it going? You know what I mean? And I'm just like, what? Because that's insane, dude. I was Mr. Ice Cream late at night.

Do you understand? I was Mr. I really was Mr. Ice Cream. And I really was, but it's like life is too short, so you got to see what's up, or whatever that quote is that I said. That's great.

Sometimes life is too short, so sometimes you've got to see what's up. That's what it is. That's such a great quote, dude. Life's too short, so sometimes you've got to see what's up. Oh, it's great, dude. so um yeah i i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm in it now i'm what is it october no it's november 3rd so i'm just in it dude and and my body is a machine dude i put in the carbs i put in the the protein i put in

the fats the limited fats and i it's it's a machine dude it's a cycle you know and i've done no no nothing, no TRT, no, nothing, no nothing, not even creatine. I think there's creatine in some of the shakes I get sometimes at Earth Bar. But I don't do anything, bro. And I'm feeling good. And so what I was saying is, you know, because you want to eat sweets, obviously, and drink, if you're a drinker, and you want to have fun with life. But it's like when you eliminate that, now what?

you know this is you know everybody teach their own but like when you eliminate that and you start treating your body like input export you you literally the health and the capability you feel is i would in a different way just as awesome feeling as uh eating a bunch of hog andaz dude late at night after eating in and out oh you got haggenthas back there um that's uh i had a a family friend stay from new jersey um and i mean this was 30 years ago with my family and we had a suburban and there were friends in the back seat and somebody was talking about doing something with their hog like you know their penis and he says something about my my hog and my friend from new jersey my friend from new jersey turned around said oh you got haggendazes back there

dude nah um but anyway uh you know i i know i know i it's like the health people when they talk about it too much it's annoying and i get it but it just feels so good you want to share it's a cult it's a cult well aware dude i did i did my chest today pushed pushed you know heavy whatever and then came home, hung out, did sprints. You know what I mean? Like this was soaking wet at the end. My wife, not me. And but yeah, I just, you know, forget it.

I don't need to say any more about this. I'm almost sorry, but I'm not, though, because this podcast is what I wanted to be. And so that's that. Syracuse, New York, I'll be there like tomorrow night. I don't know, Buffalo, New York might be sold out. Hamilton, Ontario, I will be there at the first Ontario Concert Hall. And then Chicago, Illinois, I will be there for one night in November 15th.

And November 22nd, Kansas City, Missouri. I'll be in Omaha, Daytona Beach, Florida, Jacksonville, Florida. I can't wait for these shows. Cleveland, Ohio. Cleveland's a fun, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, what, you know what I mean? You think of Cleveland and you go, but you get there and it's not bad, dude. It really isn't. Same with Detroit, depending on where you are. You don't want to get killed, right?

And then I got some shows in Oxnard, California, and Ontario, California. And then come see me in San Antonio, San Antonio, in New Year's Eve. I will be there. So that's that. It was Halloween last weekend. And it was just simply gorgeous, if I'm Irish. It was simply gorgeous. It was just truthfully gorgeous.

Because we dressed up as, you know what we dressed up as something. You know why I say that? Because I'm not real clear on what it is. because Calvin picked it and it's a YouTube thing he watches. Halloween's getting pretty crazy because you could just go, you know, kids watch YouTube only now. And then they just see a video and they're like, I want to be that. And you're like, is this even a thing?

And then you put it on, you go out and see how many kids know what it is. It was rainbow friends, which is, I don't even know what it is. It's like a game or something. I was the blue one. Calvin was the green one. Billy wanted to be cyan, which is a new color, by the way. It's not a new color, but it's a new talked about color. You know what I mean?

Like when I was a kid, cyan would only be, you'd be like, if somebody, some kid said cyan, you'd be like, oh, you're, do extra credit, you're a dork. You're a dork, right? But now it's like they have indigo and cyan and it's like part of it. I think they're trying to make some, you know, whoever the PR is for cyan, they're really doing a good job, but they're trying to make some money. It's probably that, what do you call it, ocean, ocean, what's that drink company? ocean breeze ocean spray it's probably them they're probably gonna come out with a cyan apple drink or something um who's that one comedian has the uh bit about cranberry and the cran raspberry who is that it's funny is it uh in edwards no it's not i don't know who Brian reagan yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah um so that's what cyan is uh when it comes to colors uh anyway um but yeah I so I and then and then and then my wife was pink and she just made all the costumes it took her like two days full days just straight up she's like I'll be able to do it I'm like we don't have anything all right under the wire just making these costumes and then and then Calvin wore it for three minutes for a photo so and then it was like I don't want to wear it ahead when I go trick-a-treat and so we went around got that you know We live in one of those neighborhoods that's just like, it's like, oh, it's, uh, I, I deal. It's like a beautiful, like, it's great. It's like pleasant town, you know? And, uh, and the only problem is, like, is not lit up enough. You're like, I got me anymore lights. The fuck's up with the lights.

Um, but, um, it was great. Calvin Gat. It's so funny with the kids, too, because they'll be like, oh, let's go trick or treat. They'll get four candy bars and be like, dude, we got to go home. Let's go home and stash this. let's come and eat this now and so they did and you know my wife comes from a background where it's like you know they get to kind of do whatever they want and mine background was not that we like my wife would just i think just let them eat candy i think just like a candy sandwich

i mean like lunch to my wife is a kit cat with two butterfingers surrounding it like that's a candy sale like my wife i got chicken today i brought it home she ate a leg and i i was like oh shit we got a call we have to call TMZ she's eating uh and i'm treating my body like a fucking machine like a factory right input x input input output uh import export whatever the fuck and so um anyway it is what it is but we had a great time And it was nice. You ever, like, feel sometimes when you're with a family, when you're, not with a family, when you're with, like, the neighborhood, you, you, my OCD will go crazy.

Like, first of all, I'll start thinking of, like, wow, this is so great and beautiful. And, and I wish that I could just ride that thought, you know? Ah, this is great and beautiful. That would be awesome to feel, oh, this is just great and beautiful for a whole night, you know, knock, knock, who's there i've never done that okay because it also goes it goes as soon as i feel that whatever the fuck my ocd or the the the the the negative thoughts will be like what if a nuclear disaster happened i it's just like on it's it's it's it's it's on it's it's it's on it's it's it's it's it happens every time it sucks dude i say like i'll stick out like oh what if oh that

Oh, that kid's cute running, get in the cany. Oh, what if he slipped and fall and cracked his fucking head open? God damn it. And then I feel like terrible, dude. And just like dread. And I go, what if that was my kid? And then, oh, God, what would I do? What would I do for the rest of my life?

I would probably destroy my marriage. And like, I would just be, I would just move to like, who cares somewhere? And I get an apartment. I don't even care. I wouldn't even care about money anymore. I just go out to an apartment and sit there and never do anything. I'd live off the land and, like, just make some money, like making lamps or something. I figure out something to do that I could just waste my life away, but still it's productive

a little bit for people if they want to buy lamps. And I can't just ride the goodness. Do you know what I'm saying? I can't just ride the happiness. It won't, I can't do that. It's like, I can't have one with it the other. And that's where it sucks to be human. Because you know lizards aren't doing this shit.

You know, zebras aren't doing it, right? There's no monkey in a tree like, oh, awesome, a banana. Oh, oh, man, death. They don't do that. Oh, they don't go, oh, awesome, dude. It's starting to rain. Hell yeah, I love getting wet. Oh, cancer.

They don't do that. I do. I can't not. So it's like, okay, you know, I know a lot of you guys probably have the same thing, but it's like those intrusive thoughts. And, like, dude, I was on my other podcast, Golden Hour the other day. And I was like, yeah, you ever like, I was just saying it to Eric. I was like, you ever like, you know, a guy comes in, sometimes you're somewhere,

some guy comes in the coffee shop, you just imagine stabbing him in the neck and having him bleed out. And he's like, no. And I'm like, oops, thought we all did it. I don't want to think those things. But then I'm like, you know, I think about what I told Calvin. I'm like, well, look, you know, sometimes Calvin get scared because he's, he's, like, you know, sometimes I imagine stuff and it feels so real, and I'm like, look, buddy, that's a gift and a curse, you know, you're going to be scared of it, but it's also what makes

you so creative and so imaginative. And I'm like, damn, I'm fucking talking on me. How long? You know? So it's like, yeah, I got to be scared of Michael Myers coming in my doorway, but also I'm making great jokes. Ah, whatever, dude. So I say life rip, so I got this here, you know, the shirt. The merch is at chrysleya.com but life ripped that's why I say that man because you got to remember row the amount of people that come up to me

after shows and they're like oh man had such a thing bad go in the past however many months or past year or last year or whatever and they go but remember life rips I go yeah it sure fucking does you remind me dude you remind me

and that's gorgeous talk about gorgeous talk about Ithaca is gorgeous But yeah, that's just amazing. So thank you. So thanks me. So I guess thanks me.

So thank you, but I guess in retrospect, thanks me. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Dude. I saw Fantastic Four. See ya. Make him stretch. Dude, make him stretch.

Halfway through, dude, he starts stretching three quarters of the way in the movie. I go, oh, yeah, he stretches. Hey, Fantastic Four. See ya. Dude. Pedro. He's good. He's a good actor.

Uh, uh, what's up, dude? Hey, what's up? That woman, uh, what's her name is, is, is garry. And then you got the two guys. Imagine you're in Fantastic Four, you're going to play the rock guy. Was it Thing? Is that his name?

You go, oh, I'm Thing. And you go, well, there's just going to kind of be archive footage of me not talking. And then I got to do the voice of a fucking rock with a fedora on. Hey, it's stupid. Hey, you know, they did a really good job. I've watched the beginning of this movie,

this Fantastic Four. I watched the beginning of it. And like 25 minutes in, I go, man you got to hand it to the art director or whoever the hell made it look like that the retro look of the it's it's fantastic dude it's good you go hell yeah and then about 35 minutes in you realize oh this is just boring okay and uh cool it's retro but make them stretch okay and uh the the the the the the the the girl just chick what is her power she's just like she just goes and people move what is that explain it okay and hey the thing rock guy you you just

straight up suck okay but don't grow a rock beard oh that's Ah, that's, I'm, I'm with a woman moving people without touching them. I'm with a man stretching crazy nonsensical, right? I'm with a guy called Galactus that's bigger than, you know what I mean, four Empire State buildings. I'm with all that, dude, with stupid fucking things coming out of his head for no reason. Doesn't need it. Doesn't need it.

was a fire it would evolve you'd evolve to not have there's no reason you're the biggest thing in the world in the galaxy you eat planets but you don't do you they say you eat planets he's the planet destroy a planet eater but he doesn't does he no he just fucking just he just he just gets his thing to go in the planet and destroys and then he gets energy from the planets i guess see you so uh and i'm with all that i'm with i'm with i'm with the johnny flames even though it's so it's like i'm With all that, dude. But hey, the rock, the thing growing a rock beard?

I'm not, I am not with all that. Dude, you know what you did? This is me. This is me. When I see the thing with the rock beard, this is me. Get no frills delivered. Shop the same in-store prices online and enjoy unlimited delivery with PC Express pass. Get your first year for

250 a month. Learn more at PCexpress.ca.C. A.C.express. C.A. Lost, dude. You know, so it's like... So, so...

So, and then the word, the part where I was like, no, he stretches. He's strep. His nickname is Stretch. He's Mr. Fantastic. First of all, gay. Change it. Fantastic. Might as well just call him fabulous men.

Um, Mr. Fantastic can stretch. And then the one, the, the stupidest thing, the Galactus guy grabs stretch. And, and, and, and, and then. stretches him as punishment. And the guy's like, and he already stretched longer than that. No, dude. How do you?

That's like, that's his thing. You can't punish someone by using their thing. The guy stretched all across buildings and Galactus, Galactus picks them up and just stretches them, not even as long as he's ever stretched. And the guy's like, oh, dude, make the movie make sense in its own world, at least. And I got to deal with a rock beard, no. Dude, the fucking thing wore like a private eye hat.

And a coat, like to disguise it so it could walk through the, hey, everyone sees him, period. Don't care what he's wearing. Just go out. It doesn't matter. We're going to go shirtless. Go naked. What's it matter? What are we going to get arrested?

because your rock cock is out um yeah i just uh it was just it was just bad um boring you know and whatever but whatever but the art direction was amazing but who cares great said it uh yeah i i uh i saw that and uh and then i saw i see movies and it doesn't matter dude I see movies and it doesn't matter. Hey guys, I want to take a little break and tell you about Legends. It's a social casino and sports book. It's amazing, all right? They've got hundreds of games available, mega jackpot that you can hit by playing any games on their site.

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if they come across a pile of shit and this is one economist says the other i'll pay you $100 to eat that shit Elon the economist eats the shit gets the hundred dollars they keep walking then the other economy they're going to come across another pile of shit, and the other economist says, now I'll pay you $100 to eat the pile of shit. So it pays the other economist $100 a pile of shit. Then the way they said, look, wait a second. We both just ate a pile of shit.

And we're no, and we're no, we still don't have any more extra money. Get it. We both, you just gave the $100 back to me, and we both ate a pile of, of shit we are in any sense and they said no no but think of the economy because that's two hundred dollars of that in the economy that that that that that they're basically eating eating shit would count we get as a as a as a job this is this is that this is to illustrate the episode oh yeah like so like the joke is like there's two economists uh in the woods so

uh oh god just am i just at a campfire could you imagine oh yeah just we're going to turn in um but that's actually yeah that's great dude oh when you're that rich everyone's got to be like oh shit yeah that's cool man uh i'm gonna get in my sleeping bag oh i'm just saying you know because you get it the economist a joke about an economist, you know? Like, what the fuck are we doing? Hey, dude, it's 2025. You're making a joke about an economist.

Like, you know, he eats a pile of shit and then the other economist is like eating a pile of shit. So he gives him to $100. And, you know, the other guy, he is. like, what are we doing? Where our job is to eat. Shit, but think of the economy.

And the campfire and you're just with your kids trying to make marshmallows, dude. Yeah. No, I, yeah, I fucking sure. Yeah. No, I get it. Dad, what's an economist? Nothing.

It doesn't matter. Anyway, you're going to go to bed? Dude, that is I'm not sure if that might be advanced storytelling because you're definitely like hanging on by a thread but you're not hanging on by a thread for the right reason like where's this story going you're hanging on by a thread

being like where is is he dying? Is he what's happening here? So but you know everyone can't be that's when you look at you look at like guys who tell stories and like I was looking at oh I was watching the Dodger game And they had a Keynes, you know, first of all, we'll talk about the Dodgers in Toronto, but there was, you know, seven games in the World Series and shit. But like the, the, the, the, the Kane's chicken, which is like the one of the sponsors for the game or something, like they were, they had this guy. One of the baseball players was like, eat Kane's chicken. Remember that guy? He would just come up. on in the commercial bake, you'd be like,

eat cane's chicken. And every dollar they make, they'll put another dollar in for kids dying or whatever the fuck. And you're like, oh, get a better guy. He plays baseball good. Get a better guy talking. You know? It's like,

it's weird that, I don't know, who was it? Do you even know? Was it a guy from, was it, yeah, I don't know. Was it a guy from even the World Series, probably. But, but like, It's like, okay, I get it. He's a superstar, but at hitting a ball. And then you got people who are like, you know, you look at like, who is that one who yelled mommy at the fucking Oscars, the lady who won the, Zoe? Zoe.

Yeah, Saldana, right? She does it, the, the, the TNT or no, sorry, the T-Mobile commercial. And it's corny, but she's killing it, you know? She's like doing it. It's corny, but she's like, let me. me try and make this work as best as I can. And she does. And it's still corny.

And you go, this is corny. But you go, oh, she made a million dollars or whatever it is, you know, because she's an economist, you know. But, yeah, because she's like, this makes me want to dance. And then starts body rolling. And you go, oh, God. But it's like, okay, she's really working it. And then you got, and then you got guys who are just like, eat cane's chicken.

Every dollar you give is a dollar, give, going. going to kids, we're going to die. Cains. And you're like, oh, all right, well, sad. Trying to watch the game. Thank you. Also, dude, I'm going to,

here's a hot take. What the fuck is Cain's chicken? And I know so many people out there right now are like, you don't know Cain's chicken? Dude, no. I know KFC. I know a bunch of stuff. Don't know Keynes.

No, the owner of Cain is where, Keynes is worth like a billion dollars, but it's all, you know, it's like, it's, it's, it's, I don't know. So, so that guy did it and you go, oh, storytelling is real, you know. Personality is real, because Zoe Zeldon, is it, what is it?

Zoe Zeldanya? Saldanya? Zohi Sal Danya? All right. Well, she's great, you know? And wasn't she the, the, the, thing in uh guardians of galaxy

wasn't she in that or am I racist cool um yeah she's in it she's what avatar she's an avatar too and Guardians of Galaxy oh just fucking

oh just fucking rolling in it dude oh fuck man if I had uh that money that my my you understand my middle finger stays up like I get an apparatus to where it won't go down and so much so to where it I take that apparatus off and now it's just petrified and won't go down and and it just even just regular people wouldn't know you know

like that his finger why is he giving the finger I was totally night what is the fuck is it going on here just that TGI Fridays yeah um I'll have uh these my son wants the chicken strips can we just get those can we get those what you want barbecue sauce or you want no he wants ketchup just ketchup just catch up please and then uh I'll get the uh and the fajitas do you have corn tortillas no or I'll just get the flour tortillas but bring the put them separate maybe my son will eat those because I like to keep it lean but I'll just eat the chicken and the and the bell peppers thank you much um sir yeah why is your why are you giving me the finger oh sorry god i forget it doesn't go down what it doesn't go down what do you mean should i get my manager you can but it this doesn't go down

it's because i made so much money doing avatar and guardians of the galaxy go ahead try to put it down you can't I know I had an apparatus on it for a long time and then I took it out and now it's petrified so anyway the fajitas my son-oita flour flour tortillas and then the chicken stretch for him thank you very much and don't forget it's ketchup not barbecue sauce

just watching fucking and then it comes on in the bar the movie avatar that that's why That's why. It's half the reason why. That and Guardians is the Galaxy. Both of them are, so I have that money so my middle finger doesn't go down.

And you know the tail, how they have to find the right dragon and then put the tail and insert the thing in the tail and so they link up. That's basically a metaphor for sex. Anyway, can I get a refill when you get, when you're, let me get a refill. But that's sex.

It's bestiality if you think about it because it's a dragon and a blue person. Anyway, um, uh, so. Oh, here they come. Just so sizzling. Oh,

here they come. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, there we go. Eating fajitas. My fingers staying up. Yeah, dude.

Forget it. Set it and forget it. Um, I love, you know, and I don't even, I have, I've seen Avatar.

Did they make, did the new one come out yet? Did that second one come out? out yet? It did? Oh, got it. The second one came out. Okay, cool. What the guy, Sam Worthington? Was he in the second one, too? Sam Worthington, dude. What about him, man? Like, what? Just some guy snuck in there? Some guy just snuck in there on us? Come on, man. Hey, Sam Worthington? I'm supposed to believe, out of all the movie stars, that we've ever had and all the pseudo movie stars and all the TV stars and all the people who play

the ancillary parts that Sam Worthington just snuck in there? Yeah. Okay, Avatar also Terminator? Right, right, right. Okay. No, no, no. It's not a simulation. Okay. Cool. Yeah. No, science. Yeah, science explains it. It doesn't create it. it though but yeah okay i get it no science explains it doesn't create get it cool cool okay sam worthington that's when i go to heaven that's what i'm saying sam worthington and then they unplug me and oh i told you he knew he knew because of sam worthington how did he know he knew because sam worthington is so regular how could he be in movies like avatar and a movie star and how could he be interminated with christian bail uh uh uh uh playing opposite

Christian Bale and then also be on a movie called Man on the Ledge? That makes absolutely no sense. The whole movie, he's just standing on a fucking ledge. That's how he knew. That's how we lost Christalia to believing in our Lord. Because he knows we're in

a simulation. What is the secret where? Sam Worthing in Kuh. Man on a ledge. He's just that you'd see at the bank he's a regular guy he's a regular guy that would cut you off in the freeway why go and you pick your kids up his name's regular too even even

even his regular name's regular uh so anyway uh he's he's he's good i'm not no knock on him but trying to sneak in here yeah all right okay okay uh okay uh creator i got i got you creator i got you whoever's whoever's in charge of the simulation i got you mm-hmm um but the dodgers dude i am not a you know i'm not a sports guy take one look at me you don't get that you go but he's stacked whatever he's a brick shit house yeah okay fine but i'm not a sports guy i'll be the first to tell you Okay The Dodgers

In the World Series I'll watch I'll watch the World Series Pretty much the only thing I'll watch The Dodgers in it I'll definitely watch Mets in it I'll definitely watch

Grew up on the Mets Dad brother loved the Mets Dad brother loved the Dodgers We moved here My dad got season tickets When we moved here So he could just see that He could have great tickets

For the Mets And then the Dodger fan Then he tried to charge him An arm and the leg For the fucking dugout seats He goes Fuck you and he leaves But he had him for a few years

um and uh so when this game is playing i'm watching it and there are a few things that make me feel so gorgeous uh being with my family makes me feel that way being with my family of origin being with my family that i've created uh being with with You know, sometimes I feel a level of that with friends late at night at a diner or something. On stage, I feel that way. You know, I have, you know, it's all different levels of it. But like, you know, I'm watching baseball is a level of it, too, because it reminds me when I was a kid, you know, and how much my, my childhood was there was baseball on. And baseball is boring, but that's okay.

And I don't care. Like, dude, hey, I like baseball. And you could say it's boring because it's boring. Dude, my favorite movies are boring. My favorite movie director ever made boring movies by John Cassavetes. If you don't know who he is, look him up. Say you. I hate the quiet.

I hate when it's quiet. I want render to always be loud. I hate when it's quiet. But, yeah, dude. And so I'm watching baseball. And it's just, it's almost too much. Dude, I think sometimes, I think if it wasn't for the way I was brought up and how much, I, when I was a kid, I was so emotional, I see this in Calvin sometimes too, but I was so emotional that it was, it hurts so bad that I would, I now realize I would, what do you call it, put up a wall, you know, and I would, and I would, you know, and I would. use whatever you want to say humor you want to you know insecurity whatever it is you know

humor was a big part of it but um i i i put up this wall so i didn't have to feel it and now that like i've i realize that i do uh i do feel it and sometimes and it's so much bro it is so much and i i'm watching baseball and i'm watching like just some man swing a bat and i'm like oh my god like i can't i'm with my kids and i'm just like i can't even you know when like chicks are like i can't even like that like that's what that's for not what they use it for what it's for that moment chicks and i'm just like man i i don't like i don't understand it's like i'm a kid again and then also uh uh You know, because I talked to Calvin the other day.

He's like, I just get so emotional sometimes. I'm like, dude, I want to, I'm, and I'm his dad. And I got to be like, yeah, well, I got to teach him. But also, I get it. Dude, who are you telling? I want to be like, let's ask my dad. Dad, come on. Let's drive over to La Cagnata right now.

Hey, dad, why are we so emotional? I know when I'm 77, I'm still not going to fucking know. you know calvin's going to have kids and we're going to be like oh shit and i'm i wish you could ask my dad but you know he'd be 116 now it's just like it's it's so hard to feel all that stuff and i think that people you know particularly women i think that they feel it and they love it like you ever be around women they just talk about they legitimately like a like a hacky joke they just talk about feelings or like the process of something and you're like oh the process right if i leave my wife and her friend in the living room and go up to like take a shower and come back down

if i come back down dude there's wine candles are lit they're watching that fucking couples therapy show on showtime that fucking sucks donkey balls i mean it's just like problem central they just want to delve into it. They want to get into it. That's what it is. Let's really delve into it. That's a woman. Just delving. And I'm just like, oh man, I can't even watch baseball. Makes me think of when I was a kid. I can't even listen to Phil Collins. You want me to listen to in the air tonight as a 45-year-old that has had ups and downs in his life? are you kidding me the electric guitar alone will make me crumble crumpled them dude are you kidding me oh dude really is that oh really oh okay well you know what dude

maybe it's my mommy and daddy's fault but I will tell you this right now as a kid I put up too many walls to be listening to fucking Phil Collins in the air tonight the instrumental even with the beginning of it

with the fucking electric guitar I can't be listening to that like in a fucking Western bagel and just be like oh dude you know what I mean like in a fucking

in an H&M h and m that comes on and you're just trying to get a t-shirt you go up to the cash register just full of fucking emotion i i don't know man maybe maybe i'm an empath and life just beat the shit out of it i maybe i just beat this shit out of it because it was just easier you know i make a joke about how i'm an empath to my wife and she goes yeah but i'm like maybe it just fucking maybe i just beat it out of me because dude I'd much rather be laughing and fucking This is why I would have never made it as a woman, bro

I would have never made it as a woman. If I was a woman, dude, you know what I would have done? Holy shit. I would have controlled the universe. You know you could do that if you're a woman. They just don't really get their power. Oh my God. Mm-hmm.

If I was a woman, forget it. Forget it, dude. If I was a woman, let me just tell you something, dude. If I was a woman, I would be a billionaire, you stupid assholes. There's no way I would let that go. You could be, what are, you ever look at a woman and she's just like struggling like through the supermarket or she's like at the park and she looks sad or like, you know, she's on TV giving in a press conference. and you're like, what the fuck are they doing, dude?

You could just be, dude, they could have it all. All of them could have it all. And they just, they get in their own way, you know? Are you kidding me? There was a woman I saw the other day at a restaurant. I was with my buddy. And I was like, oh, I remember her. She was like this big model years ago.

She was like one of the first, like, I guess, like Instagram models or something. I was like, oh, yeah. She's like 43, 45 now or something. And she looked great. No, she probably, she was older than me, maybe. But she looked great. But I'm like, oh, yeah, remember her. Bro, you could, people would just, she, if she could saw her legs off and have men carry her everywhere.

Not that that's what you want, but I'm just saying the power you would, you could wield. Women don't get it. They really don't. And you know what? Maybe that's good, you know, because it would just be, the world would just be women because women don't need men.

They'd die out. They'd die out. Because then they have something to complain about. You know? They're feminizing men anyway in the fucking, you know, they got Timothy Sport Chalet out there

trying to fucking be, you know, okay, Willie Wonka, but Dune? Okay, uh, Bob Dylan, but dude, come on, Dune?

Who's going to save the world? A twink is going to save the world? And that's fine. I'm not saying he, I don't mean to hate him, but like, dude. Where's the new fucking Harrison Ford? Right? Look, whatever. It's, it's, that's, I'm going off on a tangent.

But it's like, you know, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. they want to feel safe and part of feeling safe to some women is feminizing you and making you the gay best friend but don't don't let them because then they will just go suck men off that ride motorcycles that have long beards that go fuck these motherfuckers they they drink they get drunk they punch people you know you got to find a healthy balance you can't just you know sit deeper of course but it's just like you know you gotta what's that what was that thing about how what was that that thing about how was it in Denmark there was a documentary I have to watch it someone was talking about this documentary where the ladies kept on making the men like

not feminine, but like, you know, they complained so much that it made the men less men and then they went out and would travel and fuck guys that were like men. And it's like, they need something to complain about is what I'm saying, God damn. And it's fine, I don't mean to be sexist

and guys have their problems, but it's just like, right now I'm talking about the women. So what I'm saying is, women don't need men. And they'll die out and that's fine. They have a party doing it. have like they drink wine like candles they'd be like that was it that was the last man oh let's just talk about it till we expire fucking watching couple's therapy on showtime listening to phil

collins in the air tonight not even crying because they're immune to it from now on it's okay no man But now at least we get to do whatever the fuck we want. If I was a woman, I would lead that revolution. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine being a woman, dude.

I'd be just so crazy. So crazy. Oh, God. Just deeply, deeply ruined. just like at the core just a beautiful bitch you know what i mean just a just a just a beautiful beautiful bitch you know what i'm saying oh just whoa here she comes watch out or she'll chew you up dude my body would be fantastic because i know what that's worth it would be tough Top notch.

My insides would be screwy because there's no way I'd be able to wield that power. Whoa, here she comes. Watch out or she'll chew you up. That's me, dude. She's a man eater. Watch out. But I'd still be fucking chicks because they're so hot. You know what I mean?

Whoa, here she comes. Watch out or she'll chew you up. Whoa, here she comes. watch out she's a man eater watch out dude I harmonize with it but also for those of you that were

watching on YouTube you know what I was doing my fingers but you know what I'm saying um yeah I'd be like Melissa Etheridge only for the fucking serious body I saw a woman with a Melissa Etheridge shirt on the other day and I just go oh yeah

you know have when you're reminded of something it just like you're like oh yeah what the fuck i have no business not thinking of melissa ethelridge for 30 years well what the fuck who am i this lady who won grammies and shit and yeah she only sings songs for lesbians but like i i found out about her when i was 16 and and then i just i go ah for 30 years until some lady has a fucking shirt of her at the gym and i go oh yeah Like fuck you life I haven't

That's crazy dude That's insane Lou Bega There just did it again Remember that one? Well he's not as talented as Melissa Etheridge Oh you know how about this I don't even know if Melissa Etheridge is truly talented or not

Maybe she's just good at wearing flannels And fucking playing a guitar. I have no idea I have no idea yeah man but it's like yeah anyway shout out to the Dodgers because they won and that was great

I didn't want Toronto winning because I don't like when Canadian teams win and I love Canada I just I don't want to hear it I don't want to I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear Drake I don't you know his music's fine but I just don't want to see like a post

where he's like, we did it. You know, I don't want it. I don't want people in Toronto being all like, we got baseball. No, you don't do it. Baseball's American. Zero Canadians on Toronto. Only fucking people from the Dominican Republic.

You know what I mean? Only people from Ecuador. Just zero Canadians. Crazy. Have one. How many Canadians are in the fucking Toronto Blue Jays? Because I'll tell you what. it's not domingo flamingo or whatever the fuck their names are you know what i'm saying one one

what they're what they're star glad junior vlad junior they're dominican but they live there dude in american republic dude yeah dude i mean he lives there so now he lives there so now he's Canadian so now they could say it but it's like you know what I mean he was born in Toronto Canada okay okay all right then then and then I'll allow it but I'll allow it but I'm just saying dude I don't want these Toronto motherfuckers winning because I don't want to hear it I don't want to see a fucking post by Drake where it's secretly also about that app stake you know what I mean where you know talking about we did it I don't want to that

When they won basketball, it was enough. I'm like, all right. So, Dodgers, shout out to Shotani Otani, who is fucking awesome, dude. Just swinging and pitching. Are you kidding? He goes like this. We did it. No, you know what Shotani Otani is like?

He's like one of those guys that's like, oh, um, uh, you guys, you guys, I got this. I'm, you're doing it all wrong and you've been doing it all wrong. If in 1991 you go, A, the best baseball player of all time is going to be Japanese, Don Mattingly would laugh so hard, he would die. Do you know what I mean? And then Otani comes along and goes, hold my stats. Dude, are you kidding me? He goes, home run, home run, home run, perfect game, strikeout. And the whole time looks like a big eight. year old. Are you kidding? Fuck it, bro. That dude is married to a star basketball player in Japan or whatever. And they're going to have, she's 5-11. They're going to have kids. Dude, in 30, not less, in 20 years, are you, you better watch the fuck. There's not going to be any more baseball. These people are, however many kids they have, they're going to own sports. They're going to be like, this isn't how it actually should be. There should be different sports. They're going to

make more sports i mean they're going to change the game literally going to change all the games but uh yeah dude fantastic um yeah sam worthington would be a baseball player in 1998 that's what he would be fuck on the rangers what the fuck sam worthington up to bat his slugging percentage slightly below frank thomas three uh he's oh and three tonight however how do he get by how do he get past us how they sneak him in past us swinging a miss how they sneak him in past us he looks so regular um it is what it is bro

I do this thing where when I get heated on my podcast my contacts go crazy oh I mean Sophie Cunningham with this tweet dude it's so funny to see so many pictures with people and Sidney

and Sidney Sweeney's in this fucking jacket I see so many people like on Instagram like hey met where was she that everybody met her this is like the same

but everyone has a picture with Sidney and she's just like in her dad's jacket and and this Sophie Cunningham who's a basketball player right?

She wrote one of us forgot our tits at home what does that mean well I know she's flat yeah so she's saying she has small boobs but like i want i want to know what that means beyond that because that's not a

yeah he's saying that's all it is and i understand that's all it is and that's all she means but i know but you don't you don't you don't she has big tickets and i don't but it's just like i don't i don't i don't i don't know i just don't i'm to here's why if i was a woman i would rule the fucking world because my tweet would be fucking fire okay if i had to do a tweet like that i would do like even just you know which one of us forgot our tits in the car is better you know what i'm saying but but it's just it is what it is and that's what she did and she plays basketball and that's fine but like you're you know what i mean it makes guys who are nearly autistic like me i'm not but think about things where it's like okay that this is saying like you know it sounds like maybe

you'd say she has fake tits but she actually has fake real tit you can tell and so it's just like it's too you know what i mean it's just it's just this is why thank god i'm not a woman because i would rule the world and then one tweet at a time but anyway uh i appreciate you guys thank you very much uh and that has been the episode come see me i'll be in chicago i'll be in daytona i'll be in jacksonville i'll be in syracuse i'll be in buffalo i'll be in hamilton ontario chrisley dot com get your tickets and i will see you there subscribe. Thank you.