Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 482. Release Me to the Sleep Wolves

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

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Runk Hey guys, it is Congratulations episode 482 congratulations thanks to legend social casino and sports book for sponsoring this episode and uh you know new year's eve is coming up san antonio i'll be there get your ticket san antonio come come see my show on the it's at seven so you can do that and still go out and and do your thing that's how i like to do it i don't like to be on stage when the ball drops it's not ideal it's also not ideal to perform on New Year's, but it is ideal to perform on New Year's when it has to do with your pockets

because that is good. Merry Christmas, everybody, and all that. And I tell you what I'm doing right now is wearing a sleeveless shirt. And I'm not one who wears sleeveless shirts. I really don't. I might wear a tank top every now and then, but I don't wear sleeve of shirts. But this is a gym shirt. It's the never-die gym, my bit that I did years ago. You can get at chrisley.com if you're late on Christmas presents, really. But yes, dude, Merry Christmas, ho-ho, and we are just absolutely chilling this year, rounding this year out, chilling. You know, it comes sleeveless, yeah. But there's also a T-shirt version.

he thought of it all. He thought of it all. Now, what's interesting is my producer, One Fire asked me if it was too hot in here and I said, yes, but I like it. And then as soon as we started, I realized it was too hot that we should open up a window.

And that's fine. But that's just kind of how I am. I actually thought about this a lot lately because I am very, I don't know if I, I wonder what this meet, what this means about me okay so sometimes i'll see a pothole and i i will hit it and i know it's there and i'm about to hit it and i do hit it and it's a split second decision but what it is is a split second oh i i it's so fast that i chalk it up to i didn't know it was there but i did know it was there

Does that mean I self-sabotage? Or what is that, really? I don't know what that is, but it's not good. Okay? And on the flip side, or I don't even know if it's a flip side, it might be the same side. Sometimes I'll just be freezing. Like, okay, still got shingles.

In the morning sucks. Absolutely. It's incredibly achy and it just is terrible. Now, I put the heat on because winter. All right? Kristen goes to bed later than me, turns it off. Aw, dang. I can deal with that.

What I can't deal with is her turning the air on. And she did that. So I got a dog crap sleep last night and woke up achy. And, uh, um, you know on my back and then i got to take advil it feels fine after that it's just one of those things that you know like when your cortisol goes down it's just like gonna really really uh make you feel terrible so uh basically from 10 a m to 5 30 i'm okay and then i don't want to be doing anything and so i'll lay down so so here's the other now now what i said on the flip side and not really the flip side i don't

know what to but like i'll be laying down on the on the on the on the on the couch and i will then i will be tired and i will be like okay i guess it's i guess it's nap i guess it's nap time i'm letting my body i'm releasing my body to the sleep wolves is how i like to call it okay and i'm letting my body succumb to the sleep wolves right and i'm just i'm just just relaxing, I go, oh, yeah, I'm going to have a day. And I'm cold. Oh, because I'm always cold, all right? And so I, my feet are on the blanket, are on the blanket, okay?

Not under the blanket on the couch. And so I go, so I'm like, oh, man, it would be so dope if that blanket was on me. and I'll be trying to sleep and pretty much the only thing I'll be thinking of is I'm too cold, two things, I'm too cold and it would be so dope if that blanket was on me, okay? And I will waste time not sleeping because I'm too cold

and stressed about the blanket not being on me. and it's like I'm too stubborn. I'll be like, I want to fall asleep anyway. But then I know I'll wake up again cold. So I have to physically know that about myself every single time something like this comes up. And I go, Chris, this is how you are. Instead of just riding this out, why don't you just do one fell swoop movement and go get that blanket? You'll be so nice and warm.

And I'll have to think that like five separate times until I do it. And then I do it and I'm so happy I did it. Now, what the, what is that, dude? Because really I should just get it when I want to and it will be more comfortable. I do these kinds of things where it's like I'm delaying, well, procrastination, I guess, you know? But it's for direct relief, like not hitting a pothole or keeping warm, not feeling achy. Oh, man. And you know what?

I've never said this out loud. I've never said it out loud. I kind of brushed against it once when I was in the car with David Sullivan. But I never said this out loud, and I did. And maybe that's one of the first steps, dude. Because it's just too weird, man. Oh, God. maybe it's like i'm lazy i used to say i'm lazy to uh uh my a therapist a long time ago

and she used to always say what's lazy and i say what she'd be like well how are you lazy i say well because sometimes i don't do stuff and she's like yeah but you're really focused on your career you're really you're really a go get her with that so you're not lazy and i go you know you don't you know i'm lazy about getting the blanket i'm lazy about not in the pothole i'm lazy about I'm not saying these things out loud because I need to take the first step into understanding that that's the way I am. To fix it, to fix it, I guess. I don't know. But, yeah, I will be in Charlotte, North Carolina.

I will be in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Milwaukee, West Nyack, New York. And then I got Cincinnati. I got some Ohio dates, chrysleya.com. And then I got Austin. I got a bunch of different places. go to chrisley dot com and check it out in las vegas and Nashville hook it up and so uh so yeah so i um i also uh am a real stinking idiot because i've been working out and i'm not going to this isn't really about working out but i've been noticing that i'm so tired so tired

For like four days, I'm like, what's going on? Come on, body. You ever go like that? And I'm so tired. And I'm like, what's going on? And I'm telling my wife, I'm like, I can't do stuff. Like her dad was over and I was falling asleep and I couldn't help it. And she was like, come on, be more present.

And I was like, I know, but I don't know what's happening. And I couldn't understand why I was so tired. And then. uh what i i i just after four days because i would like force myself to go to the gym and i'm like but not even like tired like sleepy you ever get like it was just weird it was like 11 a m and i'm just like oh man sleepy i'm a sleepy boy like i didn't want to be awake like i'm like it was like midnight is how it felt not tired i shouldn't say tired sweepy right so i was sweepy let's say let's say that i was sweepy because if i'm 45 and if it's noon and you're sleepy and you're 45 then you got to

say sweepy so you feel like a bitch so you can turn it around so you understand that you're being a bitch so it's being a bitch i was being sweepy and um then i go i'm going i go to the gym i'm like it's still leg day i still got a push i'm going to hit 255 today that's how it's going to be am i going to do it sweepie on the way to the gym i realize oh dude i'm taking gabapentin for for my shingles oh how i go that's what it is but then i'm like but i've taken gabapentin plenty before and it didn't make me sweepy and then i'm like so what the heck dude because i'm only taking a hundred milligrams now bro i've taken six so i'm like can't be that but then i remember oh yeah dude I've only taken six every single time

right before I ever went to bed. So I'm like, okay, that's what it is. So now I don't take the gap of it, and I deal with the shing goes, yes! And it hurts, but here's the thing, when's it going to stop? That's the thing I want to know. This is the 11th or 12th day.

but i don't even want to wear a shirt i wear a shirt and it hurts i put that bar on my back to do the the squats hurt i go no no no no no body body body body body body hey hey body body body body brain sending me signals no no no stop that i did it anyway hurt real bad did it anyway okay because brain body no no no no you send the signals no no no no let's stop the signals okay so anyway i got through that and that was terrible uh but it was good and i was strong fine i'm not going to talk about it it's personal but um it's going away uh back hurts chest delicious um so i am now uh you know we went to phoenix to do uh what do you call it family stuff oh and my wife well this will come out after christmas you know what i got from my wife for

christmas we go like this hey she says you know what i want and she just said this that we're recording this before christmas so she says you know what i want i'm whispered so she doesn't hear me but she says i want it i want an i want an i want an i want an orchard ladder and now i don't even know what the frank that is really okay you know what you know what you know what it is though it's one of those ladders that's two ladders that meets at the top okay so you can climb up it and then if you feel like it climb down it okay so you could just stand at the top from the two top rungs right but it basically what it's for is but you know what it is we know what it is it's what a ladder should have freaking always been right because dude one one

to just place it up against the wall? What are we in Cirque du Soleil? It should always come to a, so you don't die. Right? So, um, and then I remembered, oh yeah, my wife. almost died on their ladder

trying to get the fucking last year for the Christmas. So I got her not. Let me just Google what this is now, Orchard Ladder. Because I got one. Oh, now she's going to know it's in the history of my computer. I'll clear it.

Yeah, this is really a sturdy thing. here so anyway um she's not going anywhere with this motherfucker once you're getting on there she's not going oh there's one for a thousand dollars i'm not getting i didn't get this one a thousand dollar dude just makes it shorter a thousand dollar ladder just make shit shorter anyway um so i got her that and it came on amazon and i go and he delivered it and and of course the box was like a ladder box it's just a box it literally like first of all you could tell it was a ladder in it and then second of all it had a ladder on it so it's like hey amazon clean your shit up for christmas right hey amazon if i'm ordering something on december 18th put it in a different package

bitch okay don't have the thing on it hey bitch it's Christmas you know

and they didn't even ask me do I want to wrap it because just hey hey bitch head it's Christmas put some

fucking duct tape over the picture on the box at least bitch okay I mean for Christ's sake dude

you know you order some shit for your wife or your your kids it shows up it's just fucking candy land in the candy land box hey bitch rapid it's december 15th you know what i mean we think i'm getting this for you think i want to play fucking candy land just for the fuck of it on my dolo bitch no rap it asshole i'm gonna see i'm sitting here playing candy land just fucking on my dola dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Right. Yeah. Oh, no, I just bought Play-Doh because I want to, because I want to sculpt on my Dolo. Yeah, yeah, that's it. I don't have kids that might want to be surprised that might show up from school and see the package with the fucking Play-Doh on it. No, yeah, nah, I want to sculpt on my dolo, dude. That's me. I'm just going to light some candles and sculpt on my dolo. You son of a bitch is at Amazon.

Dude, wrap it. Or don't even wrap it. Just different boxes. Or how about this? You switch the boxes. If I'm getting Plato, put a fucking, you know,

a lamp box on it and then put the lamp in the Play-Dow box. This way, you know what I mean? No, none the wiser. I'll probably order the lamp and the,

and the, um, Plato. And then they'll both come in different boxes so they'll still know. But they'll be like, oh, you know,

why is the Plato in the lamp box? where the lamp on put a box and be like, I fucked up Christmas, dude, because Amazon's are bitches. Anyway, um,

so, uh, Merry Christmas, baby! Uh, Merry Christmas, baby! How's it go?

I don't know. I'm making up a song, maybe. It's, I think it's like, uh, uh, oh,

no, I like it. It reminds me my dad. Anyway, whatever, dude. My dad's very soulful. and he sings um no but uh i got imagine being like what is that song and then googling merry

christmas baby you know how many fucking things will come up 900 trillion and 50 million of them would be uh maria carey god she just made bank huh she goes like this christmas album sure ching ching ching ching ching did she even write new songs yeah she did she did she did new ones but man she came she probably still did that par rumpa pump pump one right oh god par rumpa bum bum bum she did that and everyone in the studio was just oh my god um she's like should i do fucking little drummer boy probably Rubba bum Anyway, dude

New Year's is going to be I don't want to be You know what I've said this before But I have a goal in New Year's one day I just want to be out in the middle of the desert And fucking not know when the When the ball drops, dude But I'm very interesting

I'm a very interesting person So Now I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck So So, guys, you know I'm always letting you know what's on my mind, right? Well, lately, Legends Online Casino and Sportsbook has been on my mind. The highest return to player, lightning fast redemptions,

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The Jake Paul fight where I guess I should say the Anthony Joshua fight. Now, this goes back to never trust somebody with two first names. They're going to knock you the fuck out. Anthony Joshua. First of all, this dude looks like a fucking green lantern.

He's so big. And I just look at that and I go, you're going to lose, Jake. Because how Jake is, you know, got some skill, obviously. But also, you kind of look like a just, you look like a guy. that you would see somewhere i mean he's got a lot of tats and he's a little little more wild than a regular guy but you go then you look at anthony joshua and you go oh that guy is a green lantern though and he's two heads above him and you go he's going to win but then my ass hole goes like this dude probably not going to win because he's rigged or some shit like i'm

list like I'm like and I go yeah it'll be fine I'm gonna bet I'm gonna go on calci and bet and I bet that he would win Jake Paul and I lost and it's just like all right you know but he fucking broke his jaw in two places fuck then teeth came out dude I don't what's crazy you know what's crazy you know what's crazy dude fighting you get fucking smashed you get bonked around you get your jaw broke i saw a guy one time uh he got punched in the cheek and then he just had to go get like fucking eye surgery and it's like oh man they didn't even hit your eye they hit your cheek your body does all fucked up shit bro how about when when when you ever see you ever see you

you see the clip that went viral about the guy that lit a cigarette before he went to go street fight that guy and just got knocked out immediately. And it's like, dude, what are you doing? Even if you win a fight after lighting a cigarette and beating the shit out of somebody, even if you keep the cigarette in your mouth, you still aren't a fighter. You're just some guy that kind of fight and you got lucky. You don't train with cigarettes in your mouth and you're not, you're not fucking John, but you're not the equalizer. you're just a fucking, you know, some white dude with a white shirt on that got fucking your ass handed to you. And now life's different for you.

I don't, I don't know, man. I've never had that thing. I've never had that. I've also never had that. We've talked about this before, but the, um, um, the, um, the, uh, the, uh, the, um, the, uh, the, um, the, uh, comp, come what did it call the competition competitive i'm not competitive i don't care i was thinking about because calvin doesn't like to lose and i'm like i'm going to have to have a talk with him what's losing what is that what'd you lose a game someone made up who some fucking guy when

10 years ago when did he make the game up a thousand years ago who what that dumb motherfucker A thousand years ago made up some game with this ball. You lost. By the way, you're on a team. Your team fucked up too. It's not you necessarily. You could have been LeBron in this game. Oh, but I lost what?

What did you lose? The game that someone made up, someone made up games, the idea of games. Someone made up the idea of competition. and you're just going to get upset about that? I don't understand it, dude. I know I'm autistic a little bit, you know, in a way. I'm not, but I am, you know, because I can't understand. I can't understand.

I can maybe understand. I can understand, like, losing a race. That's one skill that you just go, ah, man, he beat me. But then you go, but someone can beat him. It's not like that guy is just the king of running. So fuck it. I'm not as fast or good at winning at races against that guy. But that guy will get his ass handed to him by someone else.

So I go, who really cares? But a game with more than just one skill? Like baseball? or, you know, even archery, because you've got to have crazy delts and precision and calluses. You just go, I'm, no, dude. The only person to compete against is yourself a while ago. And even then, honestly, because you go downhill after 50, you know,

you're like, oh, I used to, you should have seen me, you know. Who are you even talking to? nobody gives a fuck i should have seen me i did see me i'm me remember me this is you in your head when we used to do that yeah oh fuck dude that we were badass huh not really somebody just made that game up in 1950 and then you played it like a cuck you just played some game that some dude made up in 1950 by the way when everybody was wronged about everything you know well yeah dude uh you know uh you know we made we played a game when did they make i halai when did they make that so long ago when what when they thought

fucking uh you know uh you're you could tell what was going to happen from in the future because of the stars up in the sky these stupid fuckers dude I don't play games man and I don't mean that like rappers I mean like I don't play games or what luck is involved

like Yotsie dude fuck out of here I'm gonna be shaking a cup nah dude not me I do my own thing and by that I mean nothing pretty much I just kind of chill

wrap this year up just chill oh what's my spotify wrapped i don't know i don't know it's not it's not high i'll tell you that much the thing i listen to the most is probably in my podcast because i'm just checking for stuff god who the fuck would ever marry me you know what i mean if i think about that christen does a medal but i you know i am fucking super opinionated and that's very very very sexy to some ladies but it doesn't matter dude also my charisma's good but it's like only when i want it to be i mean i can't really seem to get the fucking lower abs to pop but that's not important to women it's really not dude it's really not if you're working out to get super fit you're either doing it for your health or doing it for guys gay so my point is i mean dude i saw this guy the other day

i mean i'm telling you i saw this couple this guy and this girl you know they had to be 25 something together and i'm like there's no fucking way they're together right and i don't mean that's from a hater way right like because i understand men and women want different things i know that i know they want different things right men want success they want to spread their seed you know they want to chill uh they want to be like a lot of times just kind of watching tv and women want to say that they're overstimulated even though that's nothing right they want to to be in a in a in a situation where they can go i'm overstimulated i can't answer that question right now i just i need to and you just have to wait around until they're less stimulated or understimulated

and you go cool so anyway um when do you want to have dinner tonight thank you for waiting six you know but men and women we want different things so i you know men want you know money power the world everything and women just want to be saying stuff like i'm overstimulated hold on give me a minute that's it's a difference between men and women okay and i didn't want you to go oh okay i feel for that i i feel for that i get it i i i'm i'm let me hold space for that let me value that for a while what's that no nothing what are you doing let me value i value that and i hold space for it cool what's that nothing um what is what's the what are you doing different in life because of that absolutely

fucking nothing dude sitting or standing whatever i was doing anyway i saw this couple and this woman was i mean you know you you've seen a woman that's so hot you go like is. Huh. You're just like, wait a second. Hey God. Is there a new type of woman out

that I don't know about? Right? And then her dude, I actually saw the dude first. Gay, but I did. And I skipped him. Because, you know, he was, uh, maybe, I don't know if I'd say chubby, but like his fat was in the wrong places, you know, that guy? Like he had some under his jaw, but like maybe he had fine, okay legs.

But like, have the fat go down to your legs, bro, not on your. your jaw and and his haircut was terrible and his hair was bad so it's like you're not doing yourself any favors right and he also had a thin mustache like fucking motherfucker and he was super white and just you could tell his hands were clammy i don't of course i'm going out on a brancher i don't know going on a limb rather but this dude was sitting around with this new type of woman and i was like well oh and then you know you get to hacky shit people like oh he's probably real good in bed he makes a lot of money but i don't think he did and i don't think he does lay it down because i think he was just a guy and then if that's what's up then like what's up what's up you know

fuck the guy seemed like such a nice guy and I'm just like all right I guess that's how we're doing it God I don't know maybe she's fucking crazy but whatever you know maybe they'll get married maybe they'll break up who cares

I'll never think about them again well I'll think about them again but Um Anyway A guy walking up with a guy walking up with red hair Oh my I mean there's no car I mean there's no

Oh my I mean there's no way this lady didn't see the movie long legs and now that's why she's fucking so you can't well okay i'll say that first of all i'll say this this dude is basically a guy who missed inventing a fucking a huge company in 1997 and would be a billionaire right now right he would be one of these autistic billionaires he's basically jeff bezos or elan musk but didn't do it right so he walks up basically he's floating all the way up you know what dude fuck this woman for screaming so god damn loud to scream that loud that long you better be falling off a fucking building

her survival instincts are terrible right by the way you see that guy in taiwan that fucking let off the smoke bombs and then took a knife out and was just like walking around and everyone was just kind of like chilling and he killed three people and it's like hey guys watch out are you kidding me if someone brandishes a knife why do people always brandishing knives too why can't you just take it out

if someone takes a knife out bro I'm gone papers leaves pjong where did chris de lea go oh I got stabbed

I didn't move quick enough um the last thing you think of where did chrys dalia go that's gonna be last thought but um so this guy floats up the driveway first of all don't go all the way up to the driveway also don't look like that dude do not be spooky in the face if you have a spooky face hide it cut your hair don't wear circular rim stupid sunglasses don't talk like this right you're fucking

scaring the shit at everyone get a tan you know what i'm saying get a fucking some cool clothes swag it up dude you don't want to be hearing people scream at you man some people look scary and doofy as fuck and this guy just walks up probably trying to get him you know to join some bullshit and this woman just turns around and screams in his face fear and screams too long dude she screams too long her survival instincts are terrible she should know the guy's not a threat by the second second into the scream she screams a full four seconds dude and too loud and there's people around too she's not just alone you could just you could skip the screaming and be like hey help you're only supposed to scream and no one's around so they come running

your survival instincts are toast and you're around people hey what's up with this spooky guy with this spooky face that guy get a tan that's me if that happened look this actually is very scary if you think about it him walking up like this Look, this is no hard.

Who actually screams like that? Are you? I always wonder about, like, people who scream, because I, look, you're never going to hear me die. Dude, you're never going to hear me die. you're never going to hear it if i got to go it's going to be like i drowned you understand you're going to go the fuck is chris what the fuck he's got a bow and arrow sticking out of his head why didn't he say anything about it yeah even not because that would kill me instantly i would from a fucking a bow and arrow just right through my

leg and I bleed out and I'm next to you at the movies. I, dude, I ain't saying shit. For real. I don't scream, bro. I'm scared. I'm not saying I'm a man. I'm fucking scared as shit, but I'm silent about it because that's real fear, dude. To almost piss yourself fear.

If you scream, nah, you're not that scared. This lady fucking shit. Showboating. Performative. You know what? She's getting over-stimulated right now. Right? Screaming like that, dude. If a clown like this comes up to my driveway and I see this motherfucker and I turn around and I'm scared, you, bro, I'm a ninja. You don't hear. You know what I am? Wind. Slow, calm, wind. The barometer kind of picks it up. That's it. done i got it you're not going to hear me oh i's christosote oh he must be scared of shit oh fuck he's dead he got shot in the quadricep with a fucking bow and arrow how long was he bleeding out for i don't know dude we were busy watching the sponge bob movie oh fuck dude well at least take his popcorn we can eat it do you not gonna no you ever get real scared how how quiet do you

get you do you scream you're a bitch you go right in a car accident do you scream no you go it's like you're playing the drums you know what I'm saying you know drummers be doing that shit that's true fear um but yeah dude the guy said sorry too sorry hey yeah okay you know what you should have said sorry not because you walked up here

not because you fucking you know you're too close you look like that hey look different you know what I mean like when you see somebody who is this is why I would describe it you're disguising your ugliness

nah Nah, B. Nah, be. Look, we're all ugly. You ever think about that? You ever look at people for real? You get close enough. They're ugly as fuck, man. I mean, you know, there's, I guess, a few exceptions.

But like, you get up close enough to Brad Pitt, you see the, you know, what do you call it? Pores and pockmarks and shit. It's just, you know. But my point is, everybody's ugly from a certain distance, right? and don't try to disguise it. I understand have a little bit of swag, but this guy's trying to do the thing where it's like, oh, I'm different.

I'm going to grow all of my orange hair out because it's ironic. I'm going to get those circular glasses. And look at the outfit, too. Yeah, it's all bad. But anyway, maybe he'll find, you know, you'll find someone to, you know, love is love. So you can find so, man, this woman.

got fucking scared and shit he was so gentle that's what made him scarier look at how scary oh this guy said that's me in the video look how scary it is

how scary it is when the car the scariest part is the part that she doesn't see the way he floats up it's like some chemical smell you'll smell it what she's even talking about too you know like it's just so boring oh he doesn't look that bad now i'm on his page he looked bad from far away see what i'm saying oh sorry i said all that the outfit is wild though

this is a wild outfit um you don't want to do dude dude i'm gonna go to the gym I'm going to fucking work out my shoulders. Oh, Hey guys, I'm coming. To the gym. Woke up ate egg whites, chicken and broccoli. No fluff, dude.

I ate a whole pint of ice cream last night, though, so fluff, too. Dude, man, sometimes if I start eating the ice cream, I just, in my head I think in a very serious way I won't stop you know it's drugs I won't stop I don't stop I know you suppose oh I know you're supposed to well what happens if I just

keep shoveling into my mouth though over and over again I'll just run out also places are still open so but man i house this fucking chocolate ice cream just basic chocolate i mean basic not basic about it but basically chocolate but basic not basic about it because it was handles ice cream which is the best ice cream that there has ever been and dude the subtlety and niceness of the sweetness is so gorgeous and And if you, if you're the kind of guy that's like, no, Rocky Road, dude. Like, don't put all this other shit in my ice cream. Yo, bro, can you do me for a, can you give me a bottle of water?

Thanks. I don't, I drink this one. Like, don't be doing, uh, extra shit. Like, Ben and Jerry's, go fuck yourself, man. Like, I understand there's some good Ben and Jerry's. But, like, dude, you know, when they start. putting like m&Ms in the shit or even honestly marshmallows dude go fuck yourself man i don't want a nice surprise right because that's what they're thinking oh it's a nice surprise i don't want that

or if you put a whole other candy bar in it like a nestley crunch in it you're not even you're letting nestly crunch do the heavy fucking lifting in your ice cream asshole thank you i eat chocolate i eat coffee ice cream? Yeah, okay, chocolate chips can be in it. But the second you put fucking bubblegum and fun dip in, you lose, dude. Marshallows. Honestly, here I go. He's about to say it. Oh, no. Hold on a second. Get ready. Sit down. Sit down. Oh, no, no. Hold on. Because sometimes he says caramel, dude. Get out of ice cream. Get out. I want to taste the ice cream, you bitches.

Put wood in it. Bitch, I want to taste the ice cream. I got gramcracker ice cream. But it wasn't gram crackers in it. It was the taste of graham crackers. That's okay. Yes, there were chocolate chips in it Because that's kind of the only thing

You could put in fucking ice cream, dude But I ate the whole goddamn thing But I'll tell you what I ate The chocolate pint And then I ate some of the gram I won't stop, dude, anyway And then I go like this I start thinking about how

Man, I'm thinking of everything But what I'm watching on TV We watch this fucking show on Hulu that Kristen likes and I suppose it's fun-ish to watch but first of all it's got the worst title of all time it's something like um either like I love you but you lied or you lied but I love you it's just a horse shit title it's just it's a title that they go ah make AI get it and AI is not good enough yet and it's a show that takes Reddit threads that are like crazy stories that have happened and apparently

they vet the stories but then they like they'll they'll put it they'll put it up they'll make episodes of them and they're all they there's just false there's no way it happened maybe one or two happened but it'll be like it'll be like a woman meets a younger guy and she's 40 and he's 21 and then she finds out that that's he's born on the same day and year as her son she gave up for adoption and it turns out she's like well you have to take the test to see if you're my son and it's just like what dude and then it turns out it's not her son because he took the test and it was negative but then it turns out at the end of the show that he actually asked his friends put his friend's DNA in it so that came back so it's not so he still might be

the lady's son and then they're still boinkin and it's like this didn't happen none of this happened you can't just take a Reddit thread and make a fucking show about it and be like yeah we've edited it from who fucking you know little miss pixie or whatever the fuck your name is how'd you vet it I mean the shows are crazy the episodes it'll be like what you're the actual Batman

we vetted it oh no I shouldn't be fucking you I'm the riddler we're enemies riddle me this why do I keep busting inside of you

are you the riddler riddle me this guy with gravelly voice why do I keep splurting all around you mhm ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh, that Batman, no. Oh. That Batman song, and I'll stand by this. And I'll never fucking, I could, honestly, you could get me on that thing that William Wallace is on at the end of Braveheart where they're cutting his balls and penis off and stuff. and they want him to admit that everything's a sham, but he screams out freedom.

That would be me to this thing. Because I will not go against this. I stand by this. The Batman song is the only song in the world that can't be slow enough. he said it really and i mean that and you know with your fucking uh huh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha okay sure oh yeah no it's great are you kidding me though dude

Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, no, no, okay. So, uh, okay. So, uh, okay, no, and that's good. Yes. Okay. But you're telling me, Get the fuck out of here, dude. Are you fucking out of here, dude? Get out of here with your. are da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha-ha-ha-ha-oh, dude, on the top of a fucking building. Are you kidding? Are you kidding me, dude? Fuck!

They fucked up on the previews. They should have made it slower. And I always thought that, dude. I fucking always thought that, man. And I'll stand by that. Me, on the rack, penis up, screaming, slower! Say, fucking, admit it's good fast! Me fucking on the rack just...

cutting my penis off. Just fucking. Just half blue face. Dude. What the fuck? Just hot poker up my anus. Cutting my balls off. Are you serious, bro?

I stand for that, dude. Like William Wallace stands for freedom. Admit it goes better when it's... Dan, dan, dan, dan, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. No. Just fucking razors to my penis. Ra, roon, real. Hot poker all up in it with the fucking rob.

just fucking rocking me from the inside. I will never not say that the Batman theme song is better the slower it. Dude, make the song last a year and a half. I'll fucking rock to it, bro. Yeah, it was good. The first note was three weeks long, but I honestly, you know, it was good. It's better. it really gets you involved

anyway dude how could you how could you fucking sometimes I'm like how could you ever listen this podcast and I'm like how could you ever not do it you know what I mean? It's just like

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