Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 483. Regular Stimulated

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get you and your crew to the big shows with Go Transit. Go connects to all the main concert venues like TD Coliseum in Hamilton and Scotia Bank Arena in Toronto. And Go makes it affordable with special e-ticket fairs. A one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel across the network on any weekend day or holiday for just $10. And a weekday group pass offers the same weekday travel flexibility from $30 for two people and up to $60 for five. Buy yours at gotransit.com slash tickets. Runk Hey guys, welcome to another episode, yet another episode of
Starting point is 00:00:41 Congratulations. It is episode 483, I think, I believe, I don't know. I just say numbers, honestly, at this point. And, you know, that's how it's going to be. I'm here in Los Angeles. It is the end of the year. Before we get into it, thanks to Legends, Social Casino, and Sportsbook for sponsoring this episode. But it is the end of the year.
Starting point is 00:01:28 What did you do? What did you do? Did you waste it again? Or did you make it count again? You know, maybe we made it count last year. I don't know. Or maybe you made it count already a year before that or a few years before that. Have you, you've made, certainly you've made some years count, right?
Starting point is 00:01:45 Did you do that again or did you waste it again? Or every year do you make, are you one of those guys that just says or that does it that makes them every year just kind of get better and better? I don't know. Can you do that? And I don't think so. It's got to be ups and downs, right? But Merry Christmas, passed, and then happy New Year.
Starting point is 00:02:11 It is 2006, probably when you're listening to this at this point. And wow, dude. I have no. Well, actually, no. You know what? I don't usually have New Year's resolutions. But I thought about having one this year. And here's what it is.
Starting point is 00:02:29 I thought about being, waking up, because it's not just simple, you know, you are who you are, remember that. But you got to, you know, not that I really want to, you know, I want to, my outlook, I want to wake up. And one of the first things I want to think, try and think of is, wow, the possibilities for today are like, great and endless and beautiful that's how i want to wake up and i want to feel that and i can make myself feel that it just takes some work because i'll tell you what the past few days i've been waking up and it's like i haven't been sleeping and then last night uh took a trazadone and took half a trazodone didn't really seem like it was working read for an hour, read the exorcist for an hour,
Starting point is 00:03:33 then I was like, huh, going to get another half a tracidone, because that's what 50 milligrams is, millilit milligrams. And so I'm going to take that the recommended dosage of somebody who's 200 pounds and see if that works, fell asleep, woke up 12 hours later. Didn't even need to wake up to go pee-pee, which is. crazy I'm 45 dude I wake up to go pee maybe like three times a night not this time
Starting point is 00:04:04 which goes to show you you don't really need to wake up to pee I don't like that that my body's like you know what let's get a because if I wake up in the middle of the night I go man I should probably pee pee and I don't want to and then I spend like 10 minutes
Starting point is 00:04:23 being like I guess I gotta I'll do it and that's 10 minutes of awake time and I And so I did that the past week. And then last night, dude, forget it. Woke up, it felt like a Mack truck hit me. Okay? Now, it felt like I was sleeping in sand, you know?
Starting point is 00:04:46 And I woke up and I woke up, by the way, at like eight or wait, maybe, yeah, eight. Then woke up, then I go, I go, nah. woke up at nine then i go nah woke up at 11 30 dude now i asked my wife last night please let me sleep in because i haven't been so if you could just take care of the kids and let me sleep and she did dude and i slept oh man i think i died for a little bit honestly and you know so now that uh i woke up. I was like, I'm going to wake up. I'm going to do sprints. I'm going to, all that went out the window. I am a zombie. Zombie. I mean, you know, I don't mean to keep harping on this, but I'm still in a cloud of sleep. And I'm doing the podcast anyway, because that's just kind of like my job. That's what I do.
Starting point is 00:05:52 I'm not going to be somebody that's like, I'm overstimulated because I hate when people say that. Why is that a thing now? Why are people saying that they're being. overstimulated now you're you mean you're a person you're just chilling you're all good hey oh what people are yelling around you or something we got work to do you live in your dream life what's going on dude i kind i think about me and work and like how much i do you know what i'm not over stimulated you know what i am stimulated that's it i'm just pretty much stimulated and that's cool guess what i could turn that off immediately and just compartmentalized to the moon yeah i don't even have to be stimulated man i could be just not being i can be anti-stimulated at the drop
Starting point is 00:06:46 of a frankin't hat dude compartmentalize compartmentalize compartmentalize i don't like forget it dude But anyway, I'm pretty stimulated. I'm regular stimulated, and everyone is pretty much just regular stimulated. Unless you're, like, getting shocked up the anus while you're watching Clockwork Orange, then you're not overstimulated, are you? Are you getting shocked up the anus eating Doritos watching The Revenant? Nah, you're good. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:07:20 You going to work? Ah, centuries people have been doing that. You're good. everyone been over stimulated you're good what do you think is going to happen if you're not overstimmed if we're all so we all basically i'm tired of hearing i hear this thing mostly it's online you know everything's online now i'm overstimulated when i'm overstimulated i i thinks i do when i'm overstimulated girl if you're all over stimulated these are three signs you know you're overstimulated nah you're just a person
Starting point is 00:07:56 you live in your dream life or you got a job people've been doing it for cent people have been doing it for centuries and they're just stimulated and you know what happens then if we're over if imagine if we all realize what we were all overstimulated and then what we had to do was get regular stimulated and then we figured out how to minimize the overstimulation and then we live to be 250 do you even want that because I'll tell you it's like I'm 45
Starting point is 00:08:32 okay love love love love love love love love love love love life all good still in a cloud of sleep like straight up I want to do this whole podcast with my eyes closed but I
Starting point is 00:08:46 I wake up my back feels great stop the cap um My shoulder feels great. Stop the cap. My neck isn't out of whack. Stop the cap.
Starting point is 00:09:01 And my knees can tell when it's, can't tell when it's raining. Stop the cap. So my knees can tell if it's raining or not. I know my eyes can too, but if I don't open my eyes, my knees go. My knees are the fucking Doppler radar, man. Whatever that is. We've all heard that. My knees are the fucking Doppler radar.
Starting point is 00:09:29 If it's going to, ever since I fell in Kansas City on the plane, my knees can tell that when it's going to rain. Like it's an Indian chief. My knees are fucking running with deer. My knees are two Indian chiefs. My right one is tells when it's raining. My left one is, I don't want to think of it. another joke so you do it this is a choose-your-own-adventure episode um that's funny my
Starting point is 00:10:04 knees are like an indian chief i'm gonna fucking use that on stage you bitches i'll figure stuff out whenever i figure it out i don't know you know i did ontario this past weekend it was awesome man there's so many mexicans that live in ontario they all came out and we love it dude orale you know what i mean freaking o're doing it dog orale we're doing it hard in Ontario. Ontario's a bad neighbor, dog. But it's got a mall. It's got an AMC movie theater, dog. Just don't go too far out to where the shell station is.
Starting point is 00:10:39 You'll be fine out there. You're gonna get overstimulated, dog. You're gonna be regular stimulated. Stop the cap. So, man, has any Mexican ever said that? Man, I'm overstimulated. No. No, they just go to work. is why Mexicans. Now, I'm not saying any race is better, but this is one of the boxes that checks Mexican race is great, right? Because they don't walk around going, man, I'm over-stimulated,
Starting point is 00:11:09 dog. They just go, if somebody says they're overstimulated to them to a Mexican, you know what a Mexican does? They go like this. Oh. Oh. They don't know. they don't even under it's like okay okay dog put this over there for a second just more hand me that you know hand me that there cool dog how me that just immediate deflection oh you're something pussy dog hey give me that hand me that over stimulated oh that's cool Are you a clit? Hey, I'm in that. Oh, yeah, yeah, over-stimulated, dog. Nice.
Starting point is 00:11:57 That's cool. Are you on the upper part in between of the tulips of a vagina? You're a clit, dog. Hey, how many that? What, dog? Hey, man, you're overstimulated. Oh, you're, uh, that's cool, man. You're something bulbous on top of a pussy?
Starting point is 00:12:13 Hand me that, dog. He'm overstimulated. Oh, no. nice dog hey how me that dog um yeah it's just a white thing and it's got to go it's got to go uh so uh i was in uh i was i was in i was in i was in ontario kind not canada california and i'm also um had christmas whoopsy daisy had christmas whoopsie daisy Had Christmas, whoopsie daisy. And it was great.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Whoopsy Daisy? Had a good Christmas. What was he, Daisy? Didn't go anywhere. Whoopsy, Daisy. Had a good Christmas. Didn't go anywhere. Wife cooked some Chuck roast, whatever that is, you know?
Starting point is 00:13:09 It's weird that Chuck roast is called Chuck roast. And then there's also guys named Chuck. You know? Like, would you cook a Marshall roast? I don't know, man, but I'm just thinking Chuck roast. We did it. And my God, Chuck roast, forget it, dude. Oh, yum.
Starting point is 00:13:30 And I go like this. You know what I go like this? I go, I say, hey, the holidays, you're welcomed. You're welcomed into my mind, spirit. By the way, stomach. I'll eat. I'm not going to think about counting calories, macroses. I'll keep working out, but I'll work out.
Starting point is 00:13:49 less and I'll just live life because you got to create memories you don't create the memories of oh man i remember all those times i worked out you create the memories of wow i was with my family loving it and we ate pie and chuck roast and it was great and we did and i sat with my my two kids dude and billy's talking now it's hilarious all they do is watch rainbow friends dance battle, and I don't even know what it is, dude. I got this song stuck in my head. It goes, Don,
Starting point is 00:14:24 don't think that don't it, Dona-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And every time I do it, Calvin's like, no, it's like this. And then does it. And I'm like, that's what I'm doing, dude. He's me. Yeah, dude. he's me he's just so me it's crazy it's unbelievable he looks like me and it's wild and billy is just
Starting point is 00:14:55 too freaking cute all right enough you know i'm a dad whatever we're gonna do but it's the it's the end of the year it was a great year uh i'm gonna be in san antonio uh for new year's eve oh wait i probably already did that we probably this came out already uh and then i will be in chattanooga i got my new tour kicking off uh i'm going to be in let's see where else um uh what's the south caro sorry north carolina charlotte north carolina uh west nyack new york forget about it i'm gonna do that in january be nice and warm there then speaking of warmth gonna go to milwaukee uh that's going to be warm you know speaking of warm Montreal uh and then Auckland. Oh, wait. So yeah. Okay, so I got Montreal, February 14th. Then I got
Starting point is 00:15:50 my Australian tour. Hey, am I, mate, Dan under. You're going to go to, well, going to go to New Zealand, Auckland first, then the Australian tour, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, Sydney. And then back to Vancouver, man. We go to Canadian, friggin, friggin, friggin. Australian freaking then I got Austin, Texas freaking worldwide
Starting point is 00:16:18 too might anyway Denver and all that go to Chris Leahy.com I can't wait for some reason
Starting point is 00:16:29 tickets are selling better than they were I don't know why dude but it's I'm grateful and we did Christmas
Starting point is 00:16:38 we did so we went to Phoenix for a little bit. Phoenix. And we visited Kristen's side of the family, which is, I love going there. I love her family.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I just love them. Oh my God, it was so funny. One of the guys came to the show. They live, I don't know where they live. They came to see me in Springfield, Missouri. And I'm making jokes about my wife. on the show. Yeah, listen to this, by the way.
Starting point is 00:17:15 And they're in the middle of me doing my jokes about my wife. They walked out because they thought I was talking shit. Dude, like my, we, somebody told that to Kristen and I over the Christmas break. And we go, what? What, what would you mean? dude, I was silent for like minutes being like, what, what do you mean? I don't know, they walked out, dude. Like my wife hasn't seen him I act 40 times.
Starting point is 00:17:57 Like she didn't help me with it or something. Like she's like, you know, she loves when I talk about her. And all I do, I don't know, I'll just do the whole time. I don't care. But dude, oh my God. And so I walked. So then the next day I saw him because he showed up at the family gathering
Starting point is 00:18:14 and he said, hey man, are you crazy? And he said, what? And I was like, you just, you walked out of my show? Because you thought I was, I don't even understand what, bad mouthing or what? What's so even word for it? Because I remember when it came and I was like
Starting point is 00:18:38 it was her cousin but I remember when they came it was her cousin and the cousin's dad so whatever that is uncle and they both walked out and I was like I remember texting christen
Starting point is 00:18:51 after the show I was like did you didn't they come they didn't say hi she's like I don't know I gotta find out what happened I didn't know this I was in King or Springfield months ago
Starting point is 00:19:01 then I found out this Christmas break dude oh my gosh I mean, I text many group chats after that. How funny is that? I'm like, this is Joe. These are, this is what, like what? I don't know, you know, anyway, but it was so, so funny.
Starting point is 00:19:19 So, what was I going to say, though? God, I was going to say. Oh, yeah, I love her family. Her family is awesome. I really like being with them. They're so crazy in their own way because my, you know, it's interesting because when you have. your family, your family's crazy, and then the only difference between pretty much, if you're
Starting point is 00:19:40 close with your in-laws and you're close with your family, pretty much the biggest difference between being with your family and then being with your in-laws family is when you're with their in-laws family, you go like this more. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like I don't ever do that with my mom. My mom, if she's telling me something that I would go like this, to Kristen's aunt, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If my mom tells me something like that, I go like this. Ah. And my mom just knows, oh, I'm being, my mom knows I'm being me and Chris is being Chris.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Chris doesn't care about that, but I still want to tell him. And that's fine. My mom tells me shit, I don't want to know all day long. Dude, I'll be, I mean, it's unbelievable. And I respect it because I don't, I don't want her to not do it. I don't. I simply don't. I want her to do it and I want to be able to reserve the right to go, ah.
Starting point is 00:20:56 I want to reserve the right to go like this. I don't care. I want to say that. Tell me about the curtains. tell me about the length of the curtains. I want to be able to go, ah, but it doesn't matter, right? That's what I do to my mom. I say that to her.
Starting point is 00:21:15 I can't do that to Kristen's aunt. By the way, sometimes I go and turn my face in the direction of Kristen's aunt, and she's in the middle of telling me a story. When did that's, I have no idea when this, story started i just i'm like oh shit i should have been listening do you have in-laws like that i go what oh fuck tap me on the shoulder next time you're gonna tell me something oh my god just from years and years of tuning people out i got to get better at it i am actually i do feel like i'm getting better at it because i genuinely love being with them like people have shitty uh in-laws and i feel bad that sucks
Starting point is 00:22:02 because I just I don't I'm very lucky and very grateful but I'm also very grateful for my family which I can say oh yeah that's boring in it because my mom would be like oh Chris shut the fuck up and I love it dude
Starting point is 00:22:22 the other day my mom and I were what were you doing she was like can you can you do this or something I don't know what the hell it was was it was like get a oh will you go get the high chair out of the garage like she's always got to put it back just keep it on the fucking she's got eight chairs out there just keep it on one of the fucking chairs so she goes go it's in there hold on let me get the light so i walk
Starting point is 00:22:49 into the garage and she's like where is the light and she was like it's just straight ahead and it wasn't dude yes it was a little off to the right no that's you know if this was the fucking military. We would have killed innocent civilians. Tell me where the fuck it is specifically. It's not straight ahead. Oh, you know what's the straight ahead? Some fucking clothes. All right? Is Billy going to sit on that? Now he's going to sit on the fucking thing. The lights are out. I walk
Starting point is 00:23:17 straight into some clothes. So I go, my, I walked into some fucking clothes. This isn't the thing. And she's like, oh, shut up. And she turns the lights and I said, look, it's over to the right. She says, well, whatever. And and then we laugh. And then we go back. And beautiful god damn it i love that shorthand i love it uh my dad's hilarious dude he goes calvin walked in uh to say hi to pop pop pop that's who calls him he goes hey pop pop pop first of all it's like calvin's already at the age where i'm like come on you got to come in give grandpa
Starting point is 00:23:56 hug give grandma hug come on no not like that you just fucking like he's like he's just like this up up in my dad's chest like this like he's trying to hear the fucking from a seashell i'm like dude hey hug him put your arms around him like like i like i'm a fucking like it's like it's some weird kink like i'm just sitting here put your arms around him and then i and then and then he does it and he and he leaves and and my and my dad just fucked it all the way up and he says hey chris to fucking calvin and then Calvin left. And then my dad looks at me and he says, I call Calvin Chris.
Starting point is 00:24:37 And I'm like, yeah, I know. It's okay. He's like, he just reminds me of you. And I said, okay. Yeah, he does. He does, dude. And so, um, oh, man.
Starting point is 00:24:58 Yeah, it's just, it's just, uh, I got to I just it's there's wrestling too my son's wrestling together which is just an awe it's so awesome it's so fun it's so cool to see I'm just trying to like make sure that you know because I'm going to I got to get my I still got to get I got to get Calvin into jiu jiu jitsu and I've been meaning to and I think I will this year no I will this year but um because I just want him to understand you know sometimes Billy because Billy is like a house you know you know Billy's like juggernaut from the X-Men. And my son is like fucking, uh, Professor X, you know? Calvin just Calvin, Billy just blah, blah, blah, blah,
Starting point is 00:25:49 fucking running into walls. Calvin's just sitting there. Um, um, yeah, so, uh, I got to figure, I got a,
Starting point is 00:26:01 I got to help have, get Calvin to, uh, I got to get Calvin to try and, um, not, you know, because if Billy will just jump on him, Calvin would be like, yeah, I'm like, Calvin, just deal with it. Stop screaming like that. Deal with it. Get it. Figure out a way to move, you know, but whatever. He's only five. Hey guys, we want to talk to you about legends with a Z. You know, I'm always letting you know what's on my mind, right? I do that. Well, lately, you know what's been on my mind? legends online casino and sports book it's been on my mind the highest return to player lightning fast redemptions and a 100% match on your first purchase up to a hundred bucks that's awesome come
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Starting point is 00:27:07 so Christmas was cool. I got a friggin' garmin, dude. No matter what the fellas at Golden Hour say. I got it. And let's see how many friggin' uh, uh, calories I burned so far. Wait,
Starting point is 00:27:25 come on. Calories. Where do I go? Here we go. i don't like oh look sleep score wait what my sleep score is 62 short plenty of deep sleep all right but i slept 12 hours so i don't really understand that because says i slept five hours this shit never works you know but i will say um breathe variants the fuck you know they just put extra shit on here breath variance oh yeah um but my uh calorie not calories um here we go heart rate
Starting point is 00:28:11 okay i don't know what is this hrv what is that status do you know google that steps got my steps i don't have my um yeah i don't know what hrv status is oh variance between my heartbeat okay cool that means nothing to me um so yeah so that's what that is uh probably just figured out i literally probably just read that i'm dying and i have no idea but um uh i i i got a garment and i before I oh so no I was going to tell you about this so I I I've been kind of like not yeah I've been working out and I did a killer leg day the other day and then a back day before that but and like I'm not I wouldn't say I'm slacking off I would say it's the holidays though and I've given myself some grace if I'm going to eat what I want and I'm going to chill how I want and that's okay
Starting point is 00:29:09 and I'm doing that because you know memories and so uh I did when i was in phoenix i did sprints on it dude okay so i always do sprints here at my house and they're uphill sprints and i i don't even really think about that they're uphill sprints because they're just it's in front of my house and i go from a certain i do 13 second sprints and then i walk back and it takes 45 seconds so or 50 seconds so i do 20 of those you know and it's a it's a it's a motherfucker like it's a great workout i do at least 20 of them and so I get to Kristen's mom's house and I'm like, oh, I'll just do sprints. I don't need to go to a gym or anything.
Starting point is 00:29:53 I'm in Phoenix, you know. So I'll just do sprints and I'll do burpees and stuff. So I did sprints on a flat surface. And I'm like, oh, I'll be able to do it way better. Like just, it'll be way easier rather, right? Let me tell you something, dude. So I've been sprinting. on my uphill thing
Starting point is 00:30:16 in front of my house for a few months you know and you know I get sore it's all good I sprint on a flat surface I
Starting point is 00:30:32 it was like first of all learning how to walk dude I I couldn't figure out how to sprint just on regular pavement. Now, I'm not, I'm not fast. I'm not fast.
Starting point is 00:30:50 I'm not saying I'm good at sprinting. I do usually sprint on pavement. I know that's worse for your knees. I don't care. I, I, I, so the, the, the turf wasn't any different, but the incline was not, there was no incline. So it's usually this, you know, this, I'd say. Now it was this.
Starting point is 00:31:08 And I felt like a fucking, uh, a deer that was born three minutes ago. I go, oh, I'm fucked. I'm fucked up. And I, and I did them. I did over 20 sprints. And the next day, and I go, wow, just that little gradient, that little change fucking did different styles and different muscles.
Starting point is 00:31:39 I mean, they're upstairs right now and they're just running around. um and um i guess i'm okay because fuck dude i but like i'm like but uphill's harder so uphill is better i don't know whatever i don't it's too much to even think about but i i love i love it i love getting my heart rig up dude fuck yeah man whatever i'm an addict it's all good Um, is that okay. Is that okay, do you think? Yeah. They're just so loud. I thought that, are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I'll keep Ivan Gittred of is going to tell is going upstairs to tell my kids to tell or to tell my wife and my kids to stop moving around furniture. It sounds like there is a goddamn T-Rex up there. And it's bothersome.
Starting point is 00:32:51 I really am. You know what? I tell you what, when I do this podcast, I can phase a lot of stuff out. The thing I cannot phase out is the goddamn dogs barking. dude it drives me like he's doing it right now because because uh i haven't get rid of walked out out there and so now the dogs are barking because you know he thinks i i haven't get rid of is a fucking terrorist or whatever dude i i am just when they bark i dude i go and and crud dude my wife i'll get home but they bark at me and then christin will be like pet him pet him so they know
Starting point is 00:33:19 and i'm like dude it doesn't help and also i can't even catch them they're running around barking i can't get them what do you want me to do fucking running around they bark more dude i want to i want to i am i got to be honest i imagine fear like fiercely holding them uh with a tight grip when they're doing that not anything more violent than that but i do imagine holding them being like you don't fucking do that but i don't do it because i can't first of all i can't even catch them but um i fucking took a a picture of myself because i take pictures of myself and I have a now that I have
Starting point is 00:34:00 a what do you call it a photo booth but no not photo booth a photo what do you call the what do you call the roles I have a different role I have a role for my working out progress picks what do you call him
Starting point is 00:34:15 photo book what do they call them photo album yeah album and album why couldn't I think of that dude fuck I hate that kind of shit I've been saying an album for so long anyway
Starting point is 00:34:32 I have a photo album of workout picks like you know to keep my what do you call it momentum and keep my inspiration right so I saw this guy Greg Ducetti I think his last name Ducetti something like that he's funny he's online he's a big workout guy
Starting point is 00:34:49 I don't know if he still does but he used to do like workout I used to do like Mr. Olympic type shit the competitions he's in great shape
Starting point is 00:35:01 you know and he's a cool personality but oh wait no it wasn't even him that did this actually
Starting point is 00:35:09 he is great though it was another dude that I followed that was like hey if you need inspiration look what I did I uploaded a picture
Starting point is 00:35:17 from chat GPT I uploaded a picture of me put it in chat gbt and said add 15 pounds of muscle and it came out looking more jacked and i go oh that's something christillia does now so i took a picture of me and i put it into chat gpte and i said add 10 pounds of muscle because i don't even know 15 sounds like a lot sounds like that first of all i'm 45 don't like i'm 20 anymore but this guy was older so i go uh older me even so i was like put put 10 pounds of muscles on there put 10 pounds of muscle on there and picture and it came back and I go oh I sincerely fucked myself I have to do this now I have to do this now
Starting point is 00:36:07 because I looked and I'll play it right here I'll put it on my thing you can as you can see I look fantastic dude I mean it's a you can tell it's a I little, you know, especially if you know me or whatever, right? Like I sent it to the Lifeline group chat and they were like, is this AI? And I'm like, yeah, dude, you saw me a week ago. But I go, fuck man, I got to up. I got to up it. I got to go. I got to get, I got to look like that. Even if it's for jokes, dude, that's so funny to look so ripped. And to be that way and to get there and then and then what and then absolutely have my wife say absolutely nothing about it the whole time is fucking amazing.
Starting point is 00:36:53 which is what will happen. I'll go like, you know I'm like shredded now and she'll go like this. Oh, oh, yeah, no, that's good for you. But notice. Say something. But talk about how hard I am.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Yeah, you look great. Yeah, great. No, now you're acting like I do with your side of the family on Christmas. Oh, yeah, yeah. um i'm just gonna get so shrap i'm gonna take peptides and fucking steroids the old kind fuck this trend or whatever when people are like this trend is it like steroids and they go yeah basically the same thing nah dude fuck that i'm taking a time machine back to 1988
Starting point is 00:37:43 getting those steroids coming back and taking those steroids and being very small balled and gap-toothed and unhealthy. But fucking, but a mountain, dude. Just so snapping and pissed off at my wife. You didn't fucking say anything. Look! Just mad at the kids for being kids? The fuck are you guys doing?
Starting point is 00:38:12 Stop running around. But shredded and reaping the benefits from it. Nothing back acne. what is the what is the people who do steroids okay so people who do steroids and do the competitions i get it you want and you you know you lie about not doing it and everyone's doing it that's fine and that i don't give a fuck about that do it it's your body do it i don't care if you're lying i know people say it's unattainable stop acting like this because that kids think that they could do it and then they're not taking steroids and you're giving
Starting point is 00:38:48 there a false sense of i don't care dude i don't give a fuck about that shit like there's bigger problems you know what i mean um so fine that problem seems contained within itself and yeah it's a problem but whatever but my whole thing is if you're a regular guy that doesn't compete and you do steroids or trin or whatever the fuck and you say you don't to me there's nothing more bonkers than that. Like, that is straight up bonkers. It's bonkers. It's even crazier than guys who dye their hair and say they don't die their hair.
Starting point is 00:39:40 And that is bonkers. Okay? I've never once died my hair. I know people say, you die your hair, dude, your beard's gray, your hair's, bro. That's bon. I would never do that. I would, I'm telling you. right now, if I ever do, you know, any sort of body enhancement, even peptides, trend,
Starting point is 00:40:03 you know, I've no peptides just for, what do you call it, healing and stuff and repair. I know, there's different kinds. Dude, if I do any of that stuff, I am bragging about it. I am shouting from the rooftops, because you know I do steroids, right? that's how I got like that it's going to be you know how like people you know how like granola people or like uh people who do yoga or Pilates or or vegans they're always fucking talking about it that's me but with steroids steroids that's how I enter a conversation were you guys suck steroids huh they say steroids I do steroids I do steroids What's up?
Starting point is 00:40:51 I'm Chris. How are you guys doing? You know the guy who threw the party here? Yeah? Oh, I don't. I'm just coming into different houses
Starting point is 00:40:57 and telling people that I use steroids. Yes, I am that comedian. See ya. Yes, I'm the guy who fell down on the plane in Kansas City. Yes, you recognize me from that.
Starting point is 00:41:09 See ya. Peptides help me with my knees. Anyway, see you guys. Boom, walk out. Get into my fucking Corvette. I have a different car. Because, you know, if you do steroids,
Starting point is 00:41:19 you got to have some kind of asshole. car um but yeah dude i i really want to do him it but i won't at least for the time being because my wife is like no you know i talked to my friend army hammery he's like you should get on it dude i'm like yeah i know dude i should um but yeah it is what it is what it is i don't i can't even fucking deal with trazadone dude uh but yeah so uh anthony joshua how about that first of all this dude's body is crazy and now it's injured because he uh crashed in nigeria and two guys two of his buddies died i guess it's a what from i didn't actually see was it from was he in a like a a new car he bought that's fast or some shit
Starting point is 00:42:20 oh really you crashed into a what earth so this is sad God, man, imagine getting into a car accident and you're so dazed and then everyone's just speaking African after that. I mean, I understand they're in Africa or Nigeria, whatever, so that's fine, but I would just be like, guys, guys, guys i i speak english you're gonna have to just it's gonna be english or nothing now all right my two guys my buddies died i think or they're doing you know i can't really check i don't really know what's going on also this is weird his shirts off i've never seen this guy with his shirt on which is fine he's a boxer do you know why it was off yeah yeah i mean his body's fend i but you know What? I would be...
Starting point is 00:43:38 Oh, fuck, poor guy. Oh, fuck, man. That ain't cool to see. God, I'm sorry. That sucks, man. He wasn't driving... Minor injuries he got. died
Starting point is 00:44:07 fuck um what is uh what is considered a minor injury i wonder i guess just bruises and shit yeah man people are look at the yeah from the that's what i said like because they say articles has minor injuries but his facial expression seems worse than that yeah totally especially because the guy can take a hit obviously but like i i um yeah
Starting point is 00:44:37 Yeah, this is bad. Did you see the Call of Duty guy? The guy who created Call of Duty crashed? Fuck, man. Just so fucked up. He died, right? I know, but like, God. To get like, God, dude, it's just...
Starting point is 00:44:59 Be careful fucking driving, huh? He... Around that bend? 150 fuck that's yeah that's just sad man i mean you know yeah a lot of people's favorite video game ever um i'm sure there was more than one creative right i mean yeah but like god damn that's too bad so hurt goes out to all of those people um yeah it's tough man you you know i thought this other situation with anthony josh was the same thing like his he just got a fucking shitload of money you got a i figured he got a car and
Starting point is 00:45:39 then but not that he wasn't rich before that but yeah just i'm glad he's okay but my god imagine that happening in your and your fucking homies at least he wasn't driving then you feel so fucking guilty oh you still feel guilty why am i the one that lived all that shit um weird the shit that affects me like that now from also having a family having kids um because how old is is even like because i'm 45 how old is anthony anthony joshua age 36 all right so he's you know he's a little older for a boxer but i mean i guess but he's still kind of in his prime right it was yeah you know i know they get hate and all that shit the pauls but just because they're so big but those guys they seem like fucking behind closed doors they're fucking classy dudes and i know
Starting point is 00:46:48 and i know them you know i don't know them know them i know logan a little bit but um you put this on here you know what oh got it yeah right here he said uh jake paul says uh jake paul says life is much more important than boxing i am praying for the lost lives a j and anyone i'm picked by today's unfortunate accident rip's yeah to the guys sina gami and kevin latif lots ayo delhi my thoughts and prayers are with their families and friends and a j that's really classy you know especially since fucking anthony knocked their shit out of them it broke his fucking jaw, Jesus, dude. You know, um, yeah, I, I, I actually have been saying this and I saw Shalb said it and it
Starting point is 00:47:45 was the same thing. I, I saw Shalb say this on his, uh, MAA podcast, whenever it is. Um, and I was like, dude, I've, I totally agree with this. I was having this conversation with my brother even before that. Uh, nobody's. brave for getting their jaw broken and to get into the ring with Anthony Josh. And I like Jake Paul. I like the Pauls.
Starting point is 00:48:19 Get that get your money. But stop saying, wow, dude, got to give him credit. Hey, he made a hundred million dollars. You know what? Break my jaw. like not even fight I don't even need to do the fight just break it
Starting point is 00:48:40 there doesn't need to be a possibility let's for sure break my jaw in the same way he got it broken or whatever worse 92 Millie thanks yeah but my respect yeah respect sure whatever
Starting point is 00:48:59 fine I wish that Jake would just say that. Be like, shut the fuck up about the respect, dude. Amilly, a millie, a millie, a millie, ameli, ameli, ameli, um, but yeah, so. Great for, great for that, all of them. And, and, you know, what is the American dream now? You know? working hard and getting it.
Starting point is 00:49:32 Now, those guys work hard, but it's weird because pride is a thing that has been, like, we're literally at the point. Like, if I thought about, okay, now some of you guys are younger than me, okay, out there, but you're old enough to understand. And in 1999 or 2004, if you had a sex tape come out, you go, that's the worst thing that has ever happened to me, okay? And somehow, now, that's one of the greatest ideas.
Starting point is 00:50:23 I mean, you know, if I put a sex tape out of me and my wife, it would just be news. More people would come to my shows. People would be like, oh, whoa, that's crazy. And then I'd make money on Onlyfans. Like, this period. This is truth. And I don't want to do that because it. it's not worth it to me, okay?
Starting point is 00:50:56 But people, a lot of people, they're just like, hey, I got, also like, I have stuff to lose. If, you know, I have like a, what do you call it, a brand or whatever the fuck. Like, I wouldn't do that. My fans, no, I wouldn't do that. But, like, there are people who are just 20. they're like nah fuck it and they do it and then they're 80 million 80 millionaires you know or whatever the fuck and i know that most people on only fans are not that you know that's the 1% or whatever the fuck but it's like that's the thing that people are saying is this is what it could be like this is
Starting point is 00:51:41 attainable now and it's just not right it's not if you're just someone starting out but kim kardashian or whatever the fuck made it you know these hoes made it happen you know and now it's a different era and it's like whatever happened to um developing a skill like you know i have i have worked i have worked so hard in my career like legitimately worked very hard now granted it's my dream job it's always what i've wanted to do it's been for the large part so fun i've reaped rewards from it but i have worked so hard obsessively i would say about becoming the best version of the stand-up comedian with my style that i could possibly become and i love doing it and i still love doing it and in january second it'll be 20 years
Starting point is 00:52:53 Okay. And I make money doing that. And there are times where I think, you know what, I would do this for free. And there are times where I do do it for free. And then I think about people who just go, you know what? instead of working on a thing I'm going to just show my anus and pussy
Starting point is 00:53:34 and honestly most of me says get that money like who gives a fuck like I'm not one of these people that are like you know and maybe it is but I'm not somebody who thinks about
Starting point is 00:53:51 are only fans is ruining society and ruining our values i know there's like christians and shit that say that and even not christians that say that and and i don't know if that's true or not and i also i don't that's not a thing i even think about i don't know man like what happens if somebody become because money isn't the thing that makes you feel better you know it isn't the thing that makes you feel better it definitely makes you more comfortable and you know deep happiness i don't think so but but but it can make
Starting point is 00:54:36 you relax it can make you less anxious it can make you you know there is value to it obviously it's not like you know i hate that shit where it's like money is it doesn't matter it's like it's like it's always rich people saying that or fucking beauty doesn't It doesn't matter. It's like it's the fucking hottest women with the sloped titties that are saying that. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, all that shit does matter. You got to be a fucking, as close to a 10 as you possibly can when you walk in a room and if you have the fucked up face, work on your personality and aura. Okay? And if you're a dude, get some fucking money. You better be a millionaire. Otherwise, you're just going to be some guy that, you know, what I mean? It's going to be a little harder for you. And that's fine, dude. It's fine. but get get get it get it you know get the fucking shit all that stuff matters but also you know what matters is feeling good about yourself and and making a making getting better every day right developing a skill or something even if the skill you're developing is love you know and i know that that it sounds weird to say that's a skill
Starting point is 00:55:48 but like to love and to show love is it can be a skill and that's kind of what I'm talking about when I wake up and I think the possibilities should be endless and beautiful and bountiful but I it's tough for me because I wake up and I go oh my fucking back
Starting point is 00:56:04 and why are my kids being so loud no I don't think that I love it when they're loud but but it's like to try and make 2006 as
Starting point is 00:56:23 and I don't say this word but to try and make 2006 as wonderful as possible God he said it dude
Starting point is 00:56:33 and I don't say that word I've said it maybe three times honestly since my old roommate
Starting point is 00:56:44 when I was 21 his mom was visiting us and she said she was wonderful and I actually thought you know what I wonder if she actually is wonderful because people just say that especially ladies you know she was a lady wonderful she just goes and I go when she said that in my 21st year to me in the car with Eric my old roommate and his sister
Starting point is 00:57:25 I was in the back seat of that suburban or whatever it was van behind her and I thought I will never fucking say that word again and i've probably only said it three times or four and i think they've maybe only they've only been on this podcast to be honest and i i do you know but i did i i say it very sparingly but to make two thousand and twenty six to make two thousand is the most wonderful you know it's going to be hard you know bullshit's gonna fucking happen for fuck sake god damn it dude i hate that shit but oh how crazy is it that everything is a gift if you let it be wow that's fucking wild dude i don't like thinking like this but i will it's not that i don't it's that you know it's
Starting point is 00:58:36 is what it is. But, you know, happy, happy 2026, and I appreciate you. And get tickets to see me. I'll be in Chattanooga, West Nyack, I'll be in Milwaukee, I'll be in North Carolina. Go to chrysleyer.com, Austin, Denver. It's all coming up. See you soon, guys. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Thank you. I don't know. You know,

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