Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 490. Ham Sandwich and Chill

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

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Runk. Hey guys, welcome to the episode that's next of congratulations. It's episode 490. Thanks to Legends social casino and sportsbook for sponsoring this episode. We preach. It is, go to crystal.com, get tickets to my show. I'll be in Salt Lake City. I'm going to be in Denver.

I got Portugal up there. now, Montreal this week, Ottawa this week, it's going to be on and popping. Hate that I did that. You know what? It's just going to be a nauseous day. It says how it's going to be. And it's all good, but it's going to be a nauseous day. I don't want that at all.

But here's what I did this weekend. 8-8-8. and I started the day great all of the days. Every day of the weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday started the days great. I'm talking salmon and rice. I'm talking egg whites. I'm talking oatmeal. I'm talking chicken.

Okay? And every single day after that, I go, no. I go, burn it all down. I go. Oh, there's Berea tacos or whatever the hell they call those. What are they called? Berea. Oh, oh, Berea?

Oh, yeah. I love food that rhymes with diarrhea. Well, yeah. What's in biria tacos? That's what they're known for? Cool. Where's it from? A truck?

Yup. Put it inside me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Oh, just straight. Yeah. When you're getting something that a place is known for, it's bad for you. Okay. Nobody has the world famous asparagus.

So a gold truck pulled up to my buddy's, a gold taco truck showed up, pulled up to my buddy's Super Bowl party, which, you know, there were a lot of rich people there. And I'm like, poor there. And I showed up

and the the guy in the taco truck was the only guy that was like, oh shit, Chris Delia? And I was like, that's my man's in them. Yeah, but do you have anything that rhymes with diarrhea? I'll have that.

Cut to the next day. Just the next day. This, this, I mean, I don't even want to, but I feel disgusting. Okay. Ice cream, handled it. Uh, in and out. Handled it.

Dude. In and out. In your mouth, out your anus. Just, I mean, destroyed my insides. It was like, you know, just destroying my insights. And, uh, it wasn't. And I went for a walk with the boys today. And just, man, I'll go for a 15-minute walk.

And I, and I, and with the, with the, with the ice cream and in and out and and Berea tacos, just and leftover stuff from it, who knows, who even knows? I think I ate a plant outside somewhere. And, and I walk. I go, let's take a walk. And Billy says, okay. And Calvin says, no, I don't want to. I said, all right, let's stay home.

But is everyone going? I said, yeah. He said, all right, I'll go. So he goes, we're there. Calvin will be like, I'm not, I'm not, he's like that movie, like a movie is like, no matter what happens, I'm not doing it. And then it cuts to the guy in the full gear doing it. That's what Calvin's like.

And he has, it's like the, like Vince, like Vince Vaughn. in swingers. Or no, John Fiverall. I'm not going to Vegas. I'm not going. I'm not going. And then he's just screaming Vegas.

Vegas, baby, Vegas. That's Calvin. Because he will throw a fit and not want to go and then go and then go and have the best time. It's like he will go. He will be like, no, scream, cry, fight tooth and nail. And then immediately be in a Natasha, Bettingfield, montage of the thing that he didn't want to be doing it and just having a blast.

So It's a song. Remember that song? Dan don't, Denalene ding dong. Natasha Beddingfield. And then Daniel Bettingfield came in and just swept her under the rug with that fucking

got to get done ass. Chung. Chung ching chung. Natasha Bettingfield got And it's an unwritten She had a little hit Then in Beddingfield goes like this No, nah, nah, not on that, mate

I got, I got it And I gotta get through this And chung chung-dun-dun-tun-tch-dun-tch-dun-tch-dun-tch-dun-tch-dun And then Natasha Bettingfield goes like this Because she's under the rug Because Daniel Bettingfield came

And fucking annihilated his family with that song Because it's so good all he says is gotta get through this I gotta get through this it's like if a six year old was like I'm gonna make a song and it's gonna be about

it's gonna be inspirational I gotta get through this all the time can't get through this it's gotta get through this it's gonna get through this chung chung chung chung chung dung

dung god dude every song's about love you know that song's about love and so anyway, my insides are just terrible. But that's good because I'm realizing I must eat pretty healthy because my insides aren't terrible most of the time. And when I eat really bad, my inside get healthy. Get terrible.

So that's fine. We had a good Super Bowl. I didn't even watch, I literally didn't even watch the Super Bowl. It was on, but I didn't look at it, which was fine. I actually don't, I don't, I don't care. And I don't, and here's even, I'll go even further. I don't care about the halftime show. I don't care.

Now, I caught some of it, uh, bad bunny. And that is the hot topic of the week. And I don't know bad bunny stuff. I don't know one. Does he have that song that goes, that one song? That one song. That's it.

That's what I know. And I just found that out. By the way, after the Super Bowl. Whipop-wop-wop-wop-paw. Gwendo, quando, or whatever the, you know, fuck. I don't know what he's saying. It's Spanish. And whatever.

And I caught a little bit of the thing after the Super Bowl, the halftime. And I go, this shit kind of rips, dude. I mean, the dude was bouncing around. I don't care that he. speaking Spanish. That shit rips. It sounded good. Okay. A guando, I wanto, I careo, quando. Just fucking, you know, and just the dancing and the fucking, the unity he was trying. It was, it was cool. He took the high road. I thought it was good, man. So, look, when I first heard bad bunnies doing it and people were trying to be like,

he's going to do it in a dress, he's going to make a statement, and it's, he's not going to speak English. You know, it's easy to let the internet make you feel a certain type of way about it. And I was like, yeah, what the fuck, dude? But then I'm like, dude, I didn't understand a word. He did. And then I'm like, do I ever really listen to Aerosmith when they're playing? What do they say? I don't know. Did I listen? Do I know what the fuck? What is Kendrick Lamar ever saying? I don't know what he's saying. What are any of them ever saying? When you sing something, I don't know what you're saying.

And especially if it's live. You can't hear it. So if you're speaking in Spanish, I don't care. Now, the far right was like, what the fuck? I'm turning on turning point. And Kid Rock, of course, played. And I don't care that they'd,

Did that, I watched a little bit of it. Now, I'm not a Kid Rock fan. I just don't, I don't care about that. But I'm like, they're like, hell yeah, six million people watched. And then you go, wow. And then you say, how many people watched the Super Bowl, though? Oh, 140 million.

When, when, what I care? When. okay so oh it was the highest rated uh watching halftime show of all time oh okay oh and it was four percent four percent of people watching go like this let's see what this turning point thing is and by the way they're listening to it those republicans in that uh thing that kid rock was playing they don't like that music if you're listening to the music to make a point point, you don't like the music. Now, I'm not saying the music's bad.

I actually didn't hear any of it. But I saw the people in the crowd going like this. They don't like it. J.D. Vance maybe likes it. Beyond that, everyone who's 70, they don't like it. And I'm not saying it's bad music. You know, I don't know. It's weird to listen to music, not because you,

like it because it makes a statement it's weird to me because music should only be like oh it sounds good so if the guy's going whippo pro when when when do i'm like oh dude this kind of rips dude i mean listen to fucking pippa katan bega catan gen et tereen et mendo kuro are you kidding me dude. Eating breria tacos? Oh, in a day I'm going to shit my brains out. But right now, I'm dancing. And it's like, you know, you know that those people in the suits with the red ties and just, I don't even, I don't, I wish I listened to a kid rocks.

You know, he's just like, fucking we're in America. I don't know what he's singing. I don't know. I just don't listen to that kind of music. you know i did see he's like there's a there's a book in your house that probably need some dust enough and i and i was just like catcher nari i should read that again no he meant the bible and just people like dude just when you this is why i didn't like any of the conier stuff people were listening to his album for other reasons dude when you put drake on you go oh

Motherfucker, dude. I'm like him. I'm sitting in this couch really deep. I'm practically getting a blowjob. I'm so chill. And now Bad Bunny's the new one. So I don't give a fuck who's playing. Like, honestly, it's sad that this thing has become,

every single thing. thing that it has ever happened now in the past year has, has, they, they make it political. It's like, oh, yeah, the ham sandwich is a thing. Oh, fuck, dude. Well, good old America, ham sandwich. You know, that's how, that's the roots of America. And then liberals will be like, you could fucking put anything in bread.

This is down with the, with the, the people trying to tell us, the patriarchy trying to make us eat ham and bread. Are you with us or against us? And dude, idiots are just like, I'm picking aside. And it's like, dude, oh, actually, I don't even really eat ham sandwiches. I don't give for. I don't care. Remember, Kendrick Lamar?

They were like, they're going to fucking, this is it. This is terrible. Reped it. Then fucking bad, but this is terrible. Fucking ripped it. I swear to God next year, it's just going to be a goddamn for real. They're a Martian. They're going to be like, announced it.

Gravelorff. It's going to be Grevelorff. And they're like, all white people are just going to be like, who the fuck is Grevelorff? And there's going to be like a few like South American motherfuckers that know, oh, you don't know him? That's fucking Grevlor from Neptune? Fuck, man. And it's just going to, and he's going to rip it, dude. He's going to come down.

He's going to be this big. You know, you're going to have to get like, like the fucking, you see watching people watching from the stadiums, Bad Bunny. All they saw were the, the hedges and shit.

You're not even going to see them. The Martian's so small, the cameras are going to be in the way. That's the song. And just, and it's going to have flavor, too. You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's just going to be just, so good welcome Grevlar from the planet Neptune and by that time dude in one year mark my words that's going to be the hottest sound

and people are just going to be like oh shit oh shit and at the end the Greveller is just going to like take off his small shirt and there's going to be a tattoo that says I love America and everyone's going to be like Oh, fuck. But they're still going to be like dudes who ride motorcycles like,

are you kidding me? I said, well, this country, they didn't even on this planet. They want equal rights. Just making shit up. Do they want? When the weather cools down, Golden Nugget Online Casino turns up the heat. This winter, make any moment golden and play thousands of games like her new slot wolf it up and all the fan favorite Huff and

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fucking Epstein files. You know what I mean, dude? This is insane. Trump tweeted a fucking Obama, the racist thing with Obama the obamas, you know? And it's like, I was like, oh, I, you know,

sometimes you just be like, wow, that's fucked up. And then you go, uh, oh, wait, he did that thing last time that was fucked up. What was it? And you just forget. And you're like, how do I forget it?

You know, he was like eating toddler's feet or whatever, you know, and he's just like, well, they're delicious. And you're like, oh, my God, that's horrible. And then you just get mad at something that's on the view the next day. And you go, because they're fucking idiots because they're too liberal. And then and then and then the. Barack Obama, they put the, on the, on a gorilla's head. And then you go, oh, fucking Trump's out of it again, dude.

And then you're like, what the fuck did he do? You forget that he ate baby feet. And then, and then, uh, and then you, you barely even remember you're like, yeah, no, the, the, the, the view is shitty though, too, I think. It's like, dude, can we just, just, just, dude, it has to, it, it has, it has. can I just it's like it gets to the point where it's like can I just eat a fucking ham sandwich if I want to and chill ham sandwich and chill do you know what I mean or does it have to be a fucking and I'm not this is not me being I'm not even being political right now but you know people are gonna they can spin it the way they're on you could be like Chris DeLea fucking uh you know hates The woke hates the far right or whatever the fuck. It's all fucking stupid.

You know, and I think about like there's just two halftime shows. Make one. And who cares? Whoops. Done. It's whoever, whatever the fuck a company wants to do. They can do it. They don't owe you shit.

Sometimes it sucks. Oops, you're fucked. You know what I mean? That's like to fucking go into a farmer's market and getting strawberries. And then you're walking back to your car eating and you try them and you go, oh, man, these aren't the kind that I like. If you go back and say, hey, I don't like. these give me my money back you're a piece of shit you fuck as if sebastian when he says

about the ice cream um the taster you know i go in i get the flavor i walk out if i don't like it i fucked up that's exactly what the halftime show is whoops you're fucked up if you don't like Whip-a-p-p-p-p-p-p-quando. When, when-quillo. Then, oh, okay. It's so, it's so, it's, you know, it's just, it's unbelievable. And you're feeding into it, dude, if you are. You're feeding into it.

You're feeding into it, dude. These motherfuckers were on an island sucking and fucking, illegally. Like, and you're like, oh, dude, get two halftime shows. Then we'll be happy. I'm so sick and tired of this shit. I'm so, so, it's like, don't fucking shoot people for protesting.

Don't fucking, you know, in the back of the head, you know. And don't be a fucking, also. don't be a fucking idiot. Just, you know, I can't think of a, what do you call it? A green-haired, you know, you use my pronouns type of motherfucker. Go in the middle! Because it's like, you know, you can look in the, you can look on the internet and you can get mad either way. You can get mad either way.

there's there's there's specific type of uh there are specific types of complete morons everywhere you know what i'm saying don't let them distract you god i sound like a fucking i'm in a basement somewhere but seriously well i mean i am but seriously like don't i guess i could just do whatever they want and we're fucked you see that that the the ladies that was like, ask Bill Gates who Sonia was. Who's that lady? The fucking one that was like, I, I just, I'm the one who was actually dating Jeffrey Epstein,

the last one who actually dated him. He was actually chill. Take it up with fucking Bill Gates, though. Just like, I was actually with Jeff E. And he was actually kind of chill. Elon's actually kind of chill Take it up with Bill Gates and Bill Clinton and Donald Trump Ask him who Sonia is

If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and message C5 Like dude Fuck off Man It's like You know I'm like getting all mad and stuff and I'm like dude

why I have two beautiful children I have a great family there's so much actually good in life and and and and I know it's it's it's there's you know there's hardships for people and I mean this guy dude at this party

yesterday which by the way he he was the coolest guy I met and he was and it had nothing to do with this and I hate even saying this but he was black. And he was the coolest guy I met. He was like one of the only black guys there.

And let me just tell you why this is funny. Okay, first of all. Well, actually, let me tell you this first. He was like, man, I'm a big fan. I was like, oh, cool, thanks so much. He was like, that whole thing you did about this. He named one of my bits. And I was like, oh, that's awesome.

And he was like, and I don't mean to go down this road, but I had cancer and I came out of it. And everything is a blessing. And this guy's attitude. I was just like, man, this dude is just like everybody's got shit to deal with. and this this dude is this dude is just smiling talking to me and he beat cancer and he looked healthy and i'm like dude yeah we all i i got shit that i'm going through that i don't even talk about on this podcast that's hard it's just shitty you know and it's like you know just because i have respect for people that i know and i don't want to bring it up but it's like you can look at the bad or you can

look at the good and the bad sucks it doesn't mean that if you're looking at the good the bad doesn't suck but you know the reason why i say was like one of the only black guys is because the party was like just so white you know like when i go to a party and it's so white i'm white and i go wow okay well fine you know i know how to do this i know how to get in here i know i know what's up i'll start talking about things and uh whoops i didn't wear a button down but you know, fine. I mean, just, what's with white people at,

at parties where the sun's going down, where just you will see so many toes. Like, their feet are just out. Why? Why? Why are their feet out? Cover your fucking feet, whites. It's disgusting.

Hey, dude, it's disgusting. Oh, we're on grass. You know what? I don't get. a fuck. Put on Airmax. Put on fucking, you know what? I'll speak a language. Put on Doc Martins. I don't care. It's disgusting how many fucking feet are out when white people are around and the sun is going down. It's just disgusting. And I don't mean we're at the pool. I mean it's just like, you know, we're in a backyard. No reason for the feet to be out. Like, like, dude,

Feet have a curfew, man. It's, you know what it is? 3 p.m. That's the actual fucking curfew for feet. And you're not close to, and you're not close to sand. And how about this, dude? You're in a button down.

Well, where are your fucking shoes? You're in a goddamn dress shirt. It's light blue. You literally got it at fucking, whatever Brooks Brothers is. now. Then they closed down. I don't know. But like, and, and, and you're just got, you know, your right toe separated from the left, the rest of your toe, the rest of your foot. Are you out of your fucking mind, dude? Why are you keeping your right toe segregated? You bitch. Put.

I, it, I'm just, I realized it the other day and I'm just like, what the fuck is with white people and just exposing feet. Are you trying to, and I'm not into feed, but you're trying to get everybody fucking turned on? What, what's going on? Are you trying to get the feet guided? Rock hard? And the more money people have, the more that they got, oh, dude, I'm not even bringing shoes to the party. When is it? 530. 530 is when the sweet spot of the party is? Sweetie, leave the shoes. Leave the shoes. Get the button downs and the carnation shorts. Are you, what did you say? Shoes? What'd you say, sweetheart? The fuck out of here.

Get in the car, shoeless. Hurt your feet on the driveway on the way to the... What? Okay, I'm sorry, I spoke out of turn. It's 5.30, you fucking idiot. Get in the car, shoeless. If the kids have shoes on, I swear to God. I swear to God.

Get in the goddamn Tesla. Now! With white interior. For some reason, Tesla has white interior. And it's not a... It doesn't have medical supplies in it. Get in! What the fuck, dude.

On the way to the house. It's the fucking pebbles, dude. Yeah, the gravel. Dad, why can't we wear his shoes? Shut up. You're white. It's five... Because it's 5.30.

You want to get grounded? Because... Because it's 5.30 and we're going to be around a lot of people. Any other questions? You fucking idiot? Dude, it's unbelievable. But yeah, so I, you know, shout out to the best mother in the world. Felicia, your love for the girls is beyond admirable. And I'm so proud of you.

This person did not want to be named. They wanted me to be proud of the lady. So go to holler. Dot baby slash Christalia if you want to get a shout out on this podcast. Nah, that's from Joey, though. Legends is a free-to-play social casino

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Congrats when signing up. That'll help you out. Thank you, legends. So, you know, it's just chill. It's all good. But, you know, I'm at this party and I'm having a, you know, a good time. I was having a good time. And I bring up to this guy that I just met, who is a nice guy.

I liked him. White guy. Yeah, it's crazy. There's two halftime shows now, and he just goes, what? And I was like, what? And he was like, huh? And I was like, oh, because there's two halftime shows because of the halftime show,

and then they're doing the other one, the turning point one. He goes, Charlie Kirk? And I was like, what? It was getting so derailed. I just, I didn't even understand what was happening. And then I, like, I almost said, oh, no, he's dead. but then i was like that will just fucking be like a disaster of a conversation the way it just got you know it was like the fucking what what's the amelia no not emilia air what's the one who went to

space and the challenger that was like a challenger conversation feet all out and then uh and then i go oh yeah because they're doing it because the the the conservatives are mad that the there's a bad bunnies doing it because he doesn't speak english and then i'm like, what the fuck am I talking about to this guy? This guy is living life correctly. He's just at a party with his feet out and just like, oh, bad bunny, yeah, that's the guy. Oh. And I'm like, oh, this guy, this guy's got two kids too, but he's got it figured out mentally. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, seething for no reason at certain points in the day. This guy knows what's up, man.

And I'm pissed off because I saw a fucking, you see this thing about, this was hilarious, by the way. The John Lithgow. I just shit, you know, John Lithgow, look at this, first of all, look at this title of this on deadline. Okay. look at the fucking title of this. This is the title.

First of all, this is the title of the headline. It's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Thirteen fucking words. What the fuck?

Is it a Hugh Grant movie? Dude, that's too many words for a title. Okay? And two of them are hyphenated. So really, it's 15 words. That's the article.

All right. It goes like this. This is the title of the article. Bro. John Lithgow's non-binary and then in quotes, Jimpa co-star. I'm sorry, but okay.

So let's just break the fucking title down, all right? John Lithgow's non-binary. Now, now, now I'm going from, oh shit, the John Lithgow part of the title, I go, hell yeah, bro. I, I will basically watch anything John Lithgow's in. Okay. John Lithgow could be in like, uh, my old home videos and I'll watch them. And I don't like to watch them because they make me. feel fucking weird and bad.

Even though my childhood was good, they make me feel sad for some reason. There I said it. I'll watch John Lithgow in the fucking in like a pebble documentary. I don't. There's so many on a black top. I just, I'll watch it.

If he narrates it, I don't fucking, March of the Penguins was a piece of shit thing that they tricked us in a white top. watching. If John Lithgow did it instead, was it Morgan Freeman, probably. If it was John Lithgow, I'll watch it. I'll watch anything to do with John Lithgow. For some reason, he's like six, seven, you know, for no fucking reason. Like who was the fucking gall of this guy just being around for he's 110, you know, I love John Lithgow. All right. And like if, like if my house was on fire and John Lithgow was over and I wasn't home.

I'd go home to get John Lithgow out of the fire just so he could do more movies. Get him. He's the 6-7 one for some reason. When, when he was a condo. And so, anyway, this is the fucking headline.

So John, I go, oh, fuck yeah. I'm in. And then it, the, the, the,

the title of the headline takes a drastic turn for me. It goes, John Lithgow's non-binary. I go, oh, fuck, dude. That's me free falling right there. I go, oh, shit. I was in a plane with John Lithgow. Now I'm out of the plane because I don't even know if I have a parachute on yet. and then I get to, in quotes,

Jimpa, and I pull the cord, and a bunch of fucking pots and pans come out. Okay? This is a fucking disaster. John Lithgow's non-binary Jimpa co-star. Hey, you know, okay, says, so this is still the title.

John Lithgow's non-binary Jimpa co-star says his Harry Potter casting feels, quote, vaguely hurtful. Okay. Now, my wife sent this to me and I read it. And I genuinely didn't, I couldn't understand. what it meant. Like, I'm a 45-year-old smart man. I am smart. I can break things apart and I ask the right questions.

I use discernment. And, you know, and I mean, I'm at a party thinking about white people's feet. I'm smart. Okay? I'm smart. I read this headline. four times. And I say to her,

what, wait, what does this mean? And she laughs and I said, I'm actually not trying to be cute. I don't really understand what this means. But you know why, dude? Do you know why? Because of fucking Jimpa.

Okay. Then I, you know, I know it's a movie or a show, but Jimpa fucks it all up. And let me tell you why, all right? I get that it's a movie. And I get that the co-star from Jimpah has a problem. When it says Harry Potter, I go, okay, I'm at my limit with how many fucking movies and shows this is talking about.

Don't bring Jimpah into it. Because Harry Potter is world famous and Jimpah is nothing. Right now, at this point, jimp is nothing. Now, it may be the next trilogy. But right now, it's fucking nothing. All right? Bleep that out. Also, here's the major part I didn't understand.

Hurtful, I understand. Vaguely hurtful. I don't understand. And here's why. That's not news. It's vaguely hurtful when people do basically anything. You know why? We're all shitty.

Okay? I was in line today somewhere. And I got, I, I, I, um, I didn't cut someone, but like I, I'm, I took the initiative. Oh, it was the, uh, mailbox. It was my UPS. I went there. We both walked in at the same time. This guy had a big package. I just needed to get my mail. I walked in and I was assertive and I said, can I get my mail? I knew my thing was going to be quicker. And he was dilly dallying. I don't now he could have, that man could have been like, oh, fuck, that's vaguely hurtful. And also, here I am going, Oh, fuck. I hope that guy's not vaguely hurtful. So technically, I'm vaguely hurt, too.

All right? So this is nothing. And they're reporting on it. Okay? John Lithgow, let me just do the, what do you call? The visual scope of this title. John Lithgow's non-binary jimpocococos. star. Okay, now it's off the screen. You can't see it. Harry says his Harry Potter, it goes up a little bit,

because we all know what that is. Casting feels vaguely hurtful. We're way down here at the bottom left at the end of this. Okay. Pots and pans are hitting us as we're splatting on the ground. You know, you die splatting on the ground, jumping out of the airplane, and in a minute, you're going to get hit with some Teflon. It just sucks for you. Okay. Okay. And so I'm like, what does this mean? And so Kristen said, so John Lithgow was in a thing called Jimpa, and somebody that worked on that was trans. And he's upset vaguely that John Lithgow is in Harry Potter because J.K. Rawlings is against trans people. or turf, you know, thinks women should piss in women's rooms, basically. I don't know how to say it. And then I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me.

You got to be kidding me. First of all, let me just, there's so much brass tacks in this to get down to that I can't even fucking believe it. All right? Non-binary actor, I guess the guy's name is, or person's name. I don't know, guy, whatever, I don't even he has a dick or what, but odd Mason Hyde. That doesn't help.

You know, it's like Pat on fucking SNL. Who came to see John Lithgow as in some capacity, a mentor while starring, you know, no shit, dude. He's 1806,7, and the dude who brought you, hello, Mr. Dexter Morgan. Fucked it out. Wow.

Anyway, while starring as his character's grandchild in Jimpah, God, that fucking, I don't care why it's called Jimpa, change it. You know, I don't give a fuck. I won't find out. It's like when Dennis Miller, one of the fucking, I think this shaped my comedy. I'm being honest with you guys in a way. I think when I was younger, this moment that I caught, I am so happy I caught it. I am so happy I caught because I think it truly shaped my comedy. And I thank Dennis Miller for it. He came out on his fucking show,

whatever it was on HBO. Dennis Miller Live, or whatever the fuck. And he came out and the first, you know what I'm going to say, right? The first thing he said in his monologue after everyone was like, oh, yeah, yeah. He's standing there and he goes,

Jumanji. And I lost it because I go, oh my God, dude, with one made up word, this motherfucker made fun of a whole industry, culture. I mean, it was, I go, no. And everyone laughed. And I go, it was, you know, it was when this movement. movie Jumanji was coming out. Way back when with with with with, uh, not Kevin Hart and the rock,

the remake, the original one. And, and then now like anytime I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, shaped the way I, I'm just like, jimpa. And there is right. This is another movie where it's called that. Like, like, somebody who knows Dennis Miller out there, thank him for me.

for that one single moment. Please. Anyway, he admitted his casting in the HBO series feels vaguely hurtful. He is such an incredibly talented actor, but also such a beautiful human to make... I fucking hate the way actors talk, dude. I just... I understand sometimes it's interesting

to see how they made, you know, Batman. or train dreams. But shut the fuck up. You know what it is? What I want people to take home from this? And it's such a beautiful... Shut up, dude.

This whole shit was green screened. Oh, yeah? Really? Mark Ruffalo's an amazing person. Hey, shut up. You know? Jumanji. And so now I'm like looking at this and I'm like,

this isn't even an article. Look at this. Last April, Lithgow was cast as Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter, which comes from writer showrunner Francesca Gardner, Gardiner, Gardner, and executive producer alongside Mark Middle, who will direct multiple episodes for HBO in association with the Brunt tape film and TV and Warner Brothers television. Dude, they can't just make a fucking thing

without involving 900 companies now. It's like, yeah, have you seen the movie that fucking the new Paramount Delta Landolakes film? You're like, what? Does they make butter? No, but they do movies too now. They're fucking, yeah, you have to theater.

Dam-a-Paramount. did ding ding Delta um d'bant dung d'ang Landau lakes with the fucking Indian

then they get rid of the Land of Lakes guy and then the fucking right gets so mad and Trump puts out a tweet that says

I won't eat fucking Land of Lakes butter anymore and I won't watch that fucking those shit movies they made and people

will go like yeah that's my fucking president even though he eight baby feet. I don't, so this is what this person said. I don't think it's worth speaking to John's reasoning by any means, but I do also think that it's a strange decision for sure,

and also I found it disconcerting maybe is the right word. Yeah, that's fine for that person to feel that way, by the way. But here's how John Lithgow accepts a role. Okay. You think he's thinking to everybody he knows in his life that feels a certain way about the guy would be in fucking no movies. He's just in shit. You think John Lithgow is like, well, what's it about?

He doesn't give a fuck. They go, you know, Harry Potter, and he goes, I think so. John Lithgow, this is how that goes. Hey, uh, this is how that goes. that goes hey you know you're a co-star from jimpa and and and uh john lithgow says jimpa the tv show and they go it was a movie he says oh yeah did people like it and then you say oh it didn't come out yet he says oh okay anyway your co-star from that movie from that movie yeah which one the Are you talking about the boy, the little boy?

Well, he's trans. Oh, okay. Yeah. So he's a vaguely, there was an article just letting you know that there's an article that is in the paper, in the paper. Well, there's no paper anymore, but online on deadline. And it's saying that he's hurt, he's hurt that you took the job for, for Jimpa? No, no. For Harry Potter.

Oh, yes. People like that? Well, no, the show that you've accepted, not the movie. Right, right. Yeah. And they're upset because, a little boy. No, the, yeah, the person, yes. So they're upset because J.K. Rowlings is a turf,

and she doesn't like to, she doesn't believe that trans is like a real thing. and then John Lithgow goes Who's J.K. Rowlings? He's just doing... Is her name just kidding? What the fuck is that? I know J.K. the other one in the drum movie.

Simmons? Yeah, that one. He's great in the fucking commercials. How come we can have actors in commercials now? And it's like, remember when Bruce Willis needed to fly to Japan to do sunglasses ads because if he did it in America, everyone would have thought

he was a loser. And now you got like fucking Jesus hawking Rosetta Stone in between fucking the pit. When you want to learn a language, use Rosetta Stone next week on the pit. It's fucking it takes. next week on the pit every hour is an hour it's like one of those shows where the time is the time the time is actually time

the pit like the fucking first show like that show the 24 every minute is the minute that it happens oh yeah who gives the fuck yeah no that's true but anyway it's good the pit from fucking the guy who you forgot about in the ER

What the fuck? How can he just be in a TV show now All of a sudden after 30 years Just stopping and then starting again? What the fuck, dude? Like, he's got no business being a star Of a show now. What?

The guy missed his... Nope, he didn't miss his shot. Here he is again in basically the same fucking show. But it's called The Pit. And it's also every hour is... Every minute that ticks by is the same... is it takes a minute in the show. If it takes a minute in the show,

it takes a minute in the fucking real life, the pit. God, how many pit fucking shows are there going to be the next few years? I'm so pissed already. See, you know what? I got to chill.

I got to take my feet out. It's unbelievable. Who's J.K. Rawlings? Is that the one with the drum movie? What? The one with the drum movie with the kid who's in that fucking movie. You know, the kid plays the drummer.

the kid in the movie where they have the house party and it's found footage the fuck are you talking about what's that movie not well whiplash but then the movie that the kid the what's that kid's name the man he's a man miles teller and then he is in uh that todd phillips movie that found footage movie of the best part of all time in high school what the hell's that movie called that movie was funny what yeah it was called something like that you know it was called something that not x but something anyway he's in that okay so uh did you find out project x hell yeah dude that movie was funny as shit whatever happened that fucking one guy was so funny in it it's crazy anyway um yeah i love that movie was so funny uh so yeah i don't know what's going on anymore

but i guess we're still alive um um so that's good the Olympics are happening Hey guys that's the end of this episode if you want to catch the two-parter I went right through

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such Christalia. Thank you very much.