Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 493. Kissing Cousins

Episode Date: February 26, 2026

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drunk. Okay, guys, welcome to episode 493 of congratulations. Yeah, we did it. It is episode 493 of congratulations, and thanks to legends, social casino and sportsbook for sponsoring the episode. You know, I am going to be in a bunch of different places, Christalia.com. Go to Krista.com.

I'm in Australia. When this comes out, I should be in Australia. Good eye. My, God, Australians must be sick of that. Right? Just doing that. All right, Isaac Cowan. But I will be there in Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane, and who, you know, just go to Chrissley.com, and I'll be in St. And then I'm coming back. I'm going to Austin, I'm going to

St. Louis, doing a golden hour live in Austin there. Go check it out on atchley.com. And, you know, I'm going to be in Vancouver. I just have a lot of beautiful dates coming up here. Speaking of beautiful, it is a beautiful day. And not that, you know, maybe you care, maybe you don't, maybe you're on the East Coast in one of those storms that's going on. I, they keep saying like there's storms happening on the East Coast, and they keep on reporting that there are storms in the East Coast. And the thing is, it's just kind of always going to,

the whole year has just kind of been a storm. So just everything is, the weather's bad. The political climate is bad. Everything is bad. So let's just assume that everything is pretty much bad except for the weather in Southern California. That's it. And I'm not saying the political climate is great in Southern California. I'm simply saying the only thing that's good, if you have your health,

barring personal things, personal positivity, is the weather in Southern California is good. And it is. And it was cold last week, but it was good. it's good this week and um uh i had a whole family uh thing dude a whole family trip like forget it i had whole family trip so uh i was supposed to go to calgary and then i had to reschedule it i will be now in calgary in the fall i'm so sorry they emailed everybody and of course i still get the messages that say hey we're at the show what happened it said it's canceled why didn't anyone tell us you were told I'm sorry I don't know what to say I hate that um you know I don't always check my email

too but yeah that's what happened and I'm sorry it will I I am now doing shows every weekend for the rest of the year I believe something like that but this weekend I had to not do it because of I it was Calvin's birthday and we were going a great wolf Lodge and I messed up. I messed up and I'm sorry. And trust me, I love performing in Calgary. But I do. And it was supposed to be freezing there. But I will say that the Great Wolf Lodge we went to, Great Wolf Lodge. And it is an indoor water park, I guess, which it's like indoor. It's like completely inside, which is you'd be like, well, that's probably not good because why wouldn't you want it to be outside in Southern California, but it is good, okay?

Because they keep it nice and warm in there, dude. They keep it nice and warm in there. And I'm loving that because it's so beautifully warm. It's a little humid when you walk in, and that kind of sucks, right? Especially because you're staring at a bunch of fat people and stuff. But, you know, humidity is okay. But once you start looking at people with weird bodies and you're in humidity, it's not really so good. Okay?

You start realizing how sweaty everyone is. And look, I'm not here to shame anyone. You know, we've all been fat every now and then. We're a little bit chubby. I looked at a picture of me from a year ago. And I go, oh, I go, I go, oops. I was, sometimes I think it's better to be just a straight up fat guy than a guy with somebody, you know?

Like just a guy who just didn't commit either way. I was just man, you know? And I understand that it's cool to be a man, but I was just not fit and not not fit. And that I am not into. I can, you know, because here's the thing. I was, I still, as non-fit as I was, because I'm not going to say I was fat,

as non-fit as I was, though. I was still thinking, I shouldn't eat that. I shouldn't eat this. I shouldn't eat that. I should have just went for it, dude. Because my personality speaks volumes, dude. My personality speaks volumes. Okay?

I don't, I can, I don't need to be regular. If your personality speaks volumes, you can be a fat slob. Now, don't be unhealthy, right? Don't be going to die. But, you know, I saw this picture of me and I go, Oh, no, dude. Whoops. Didn't know I was so regular.

And now, people got to go, yeah, come on. Come on, dude. You're taking some sort of supplements. And I'm not, dude. Anyway, dude, I don't want to talk about the gym. It's a personal thing. But I will, I do, you know, we did, we went to the, we went to the Great Wolf Lodge with weird bodies.

And they have a wave pool. They have, you know, what do you call them? The tunnel, the, the, the, slides, water slides. What kind of thing is it where you forget the word slide? And then they had like, you know, scavenger hunts. And then I ate a whole pizza. By the way, I posted it.

I ate a whole pizza. Because here's the guy I'm not, okay? I like being healthy. I like being, you know, fit and capable. We'll say capable. Not in the name of fit. Fit is good,

but capable is right. Okay, that's what I like being. And when you eat a whole pizza, you're not capable of doing anything except sitin. Okay? And shittin. And going like, oh, you know? And I did that.

We got two pizzas. My kids and wife ate one and I ate the other. Okay? and some of my wife and kids, honestly. Because I, you know, my body just doesn't stop no matter what it's talking about. Food, nonstop. Working out nonstop. A sex nonstop.

No sex, nonstop. Zero to 100. I've never coasted. I have never. Evercoasted in my life. Stand up? Let me go out on stage 86 times in one week. Oh, you know what?

I'll do jiu-jitsu for six years. And then the day I get on stage to try stand-up comedy, I will quit Jiu-Jitsu. Did it from when I was 19 to 26. Did stand-up when I was 25, quit Jiu-Jitsu and became a comedian. Because I go 100 miles an hour, or zero. I never coast, dude. Jack of all trades, no. King of one trade. And so, I'm at this

water park, you know, Calvin wanted to go for his birthday because he saw YouTube videos. Now, I don't know what life was like before YouTube. I don't know what we were watching. I know what we were watching because I was, I'm me and I remember, but I don't really understand or wrap my head around how that was happening, that I would just wake up and go turn on a TV. And by the way, we didn't have flat screens. We had TVs that you'd turn on with a dial, and it would take 14 seconds to turn on.

And then it was today. That's how it would turn on, like that. You go like this. Oh, no, it's TV. Oh. Oh. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Rine on tink-tang.

ring that's how it would turn on and now the only TV is that take a long time to turn on are the ones in hotels for some reason the hotels didn't get the fucking memo it's so annoying dude hey let me turn on a hotel okay let me start the hotel turn on TV and we'll go swimming after this and then by the time we come back an infomercial will be on and so um so yeah so woke i would wake up and watch TV and I don't know how it worked. But YouTube is just like, why wouldn't you want to watch YouTube? Like, I'll turn on Netflix and Hulu sometimes.

But then I'll be like, like I started The Sopranos again because Matt, my brother got mad at me for never finishing it. So I started watching it again. And then in the middle of watching it, like the fourth episode, I was like,

how do you set up a ring cam? And then I'd just go, stop YouTube, set up ring cam. because everything's at your fingertips, dude. Now, is setting up a ring cam more interesting than watching Christopher Montesalti or whatever the hell his name is talking about how he wants to be an actor in Hollywood and wants to sell his rights to the mafia rights? No, no, it's not.

But it's what I wanted to do right at that moment. And I could always get back to watching The Sopranos. Now, I did that. And I'm watching. And so, but my point is, YouTube wins, dude. So when my kids like, YouTube,

put it on. And then I said, what do you want to watch? And they go, and they say, cars, um, going off a ramp.

I go, oh, cars going off a ramp on YouTube. Xing, a whole minority report screen of cars going off ramps. No, I move this one.

I don't want that one. Let's get this one up here. Okay, let's play it two times speed. Come on. Here we go. Oh, you want to.

redo, okay, let's make a list. Here we go. We're going to do a playlist. Now start it. We're good for another day and a half. And you used to watch G.I. Joe? And you used to watch Silverhawks. And you used to watch Thundercats. And you used to watch He-Man. And you used to watch Batman. And then the monkeys for some reason was on after Batman. They really didn't get programs. back then, you know. It'd be like, Golden Girls, and stay tuned.

They'd be like, thank you for watching Golden Girls. Now stay tuned for Hunter. Like, what fucking old ladies are going to be watching? Well, jokes on you. The guy was an old ex-football player and he was pretty sexy to old ladies.

I don't know, but my point is, you know, my point is that Ah, who! Ah, who! Excuse me, we went to Great Wolf Lodge. And Calvin was, you know,

it's so humid in that motherfucker, and Calvin was like, it's too humid and too loud. And I'm like, stick with me. Just stay with it. And Billy goes, ungo in. Billy just runs in with floaties on. Just can't get enough of being in the water. And Calvin's just watching,

like that guy on that that that black guy with the striped polo shirt with the cell phone meme that's how Calvin looked at the pool and um with the glasses and uh and billy's just in the in the in the wave pool just learning how to you know be chaotic learning how to not you know hold his breath and and he wanted to go on a a water slide he's not three yet just went up waited in like line at the water slide and then went down. And I will, like, without me. And I'm like, or is he? I can only see the top of his head going down the water slide.

Just loving it. It was cool. And then Cal got in and we had a good time. You know, he needed to warm up to it all. But, man, I was one of the things that I loved about that water park was how fucking hot it was inside to it. I just loved it. And I didn't realize how much I loved it until I got in the water.

The water was warm. But when I got out of the water, I go, that. That's why they keep it so hot so we don't get freezing afterwards. It's lit. So anyway, I had a whole pizza. Felt disgusting. Posted it on my story. Can't believe I had a whole pizza.

Now, here's the deal. Okay? I guess I certainly know about PizzaGate. I know about how the Epstein files has rejuvenated the whole, you know, pizza thing. again, you know, they used to talk about pizzas and emails and stuff and all that stuff, which is just what were they doing, honestly, talking about that? Hey, get better code words. You know, or you know what?

Just say it. Just say what you were doing. We get that it was something nefarious when you're like, yeah, but can I get a medium sausage pizza? I really like the young sausage pizzas. You know? Extra cheesy. We get it. So just say it.

You're going to jail anyway. Oh, dude. We'd love some extra big tittyed pizza. Shroom. Flong. Oh. Bill couldn't want some extra big titty pizza. Can we crack that code?

Book them. Clank. What? Um. So, yeah, I'm just like, it's annoying that they made codes for it. Whatever they were for, we don't specifically know, I guess, what the codes were for, but lock them up for using codes like that, honestly. Lock them all up.

It should be illegal to have code words. Straight up. Sausage pizza, life in prison. Unless you're talking about ordering from Domino's. Sausage pizza, life in prison. Meat lovers? 15 to 20 veggie pizza

two sentences back to back two life sentences I just uh so I I just without even thinking was like

oh I can't believe I ate a whole pizza bro I never had a story go so bonkers just the views of it and people were like dude talking about by the way the first like 10 messages talking about

pizza today in times like this i i literally had no idea what the fuck people were talking to me about and then one day i'm like oh yeah like the next day i was like oh yeah it's the fucking stupid pizza code word shit that's how out of it i am so i'm like you know oh shit do i take it down no fuck it i I ate pizza. Fuck you. I ate pizza. You know? I'm not, I'm not changing what the words mean because of some losers on an island made up some dorky-ass code words, you know? It's like, it's like I've watched the Sopranos and they're like, and when Christopher Maltesante or whatever his name is calls Tony Soprano at home from a payphone, he's like, get on a secure line. And then Tony Soprano had to hang up and go to a payphone and then talk to each other on a payphone about stuff that they were handling. And they still used. fake words and code words on the pay phones. And it's like, dude, that's so dorky. Like, remember when you were seven and eight and you were like, yeah, make code words.

If you like a chick, if you like a girl, just call, do this or, or that. You're, you, you were eight, dude, dork. Um, just be straightforward, you know, uh, but anyway, uh, you know, they say do the 80-20 rule of eating you know 80% healthy and 20% kind of what you want I don't know you know who knows but uh we yeah we did go to the great wolf lodge and it was uh it was it was you know it was it was it was great to see my kids so happy dude i mean they were so happy they had to do a scavenger hunt where they were running around trying to collect these fucking things i don't even know what it was i went to the buffet to eat i

thought it was free and until afterwards i was like oh shit you got to pay for it and i ate twice like a fucking uh derelict just free i walk out i'm like what the fuck at when i'm leaving i was like oh you got pay for this year there's a belly full of eggs and sausage oh dude what are these family's writing on the table. What do they write? Why are they filling out forms on the table? Sockers. But I woke up in the middle of the night.

Dude, the whole thing I was a zombie. I think something happens to me when I check out, when I go, okay, I'm not going to stress about what I'm going to eat today. I'm not going to work out today. I'm going to basically live my life relaxed in the sense that I'm not going to stress myself that I need to do anything. And in fact, I'm here for someone else, aka my kids, right? Great Wolf Lodge. Okay. I was so tired. My brain just goes, oh, you're going to do that? And I was a zombie. And Krista kept saying, you're right? You're in a bad mood. And I'm like,

and I'm like, I would look at her and I would go. I would say, no, I'm honestly not in a bad mood. I'm having a great time. I'm just tired. And I'm not going to make any faces that counteract that. I'm tired and I'm happy. The tiredness takes over the happiness. So that's what my face rests. That's how my face rests.

I don't want to have to do extra work, moving all my facial muscles and shit, you know, to try and make sure that everyone else is okay with my face. I don't like that, dude. It's fine at like 11 a.m. on Friday. And you're like, it's going to be the weekend, dude. I'm just stopping by Starbucks. Hey, how you doing?

Oh, this is going to be great. But dude, I'm not doing that all weekend. I'm not keeping my face nice for you. But then, you know, when I see somebody with a face that isn't doing the face stuff for me, I get upset. So we're all a little bit codependent. I'm codependent, is what I'm saying. I'm so codependent that I'm codependent that I'm codependent for the other person when I'm around. That's how codependent I am.

Oh, I hope they're okay with my face. literally it doesn't get an easier um life doesn't get an easier um so it's all in the head though right it's all on your head which is the craziest thing because calvin said he was shy the other day i said you know what honestly it's just in your head being shy being nervous and he said no it's not i said it is though because if you're not nervous there's not to be nervous about it's like oh yeah and i go man why can't i just fucking do that fucking you get so smart when you have kids and you realize how dumb you are and you realize what you can't fix. Yes. Dad, you used to get scared like me? Yep, still do. Way worse. It's called dread. Yes! I'd rather be scared than stressed. Are you kidding

me? Give me fucking 20 vampires over a mortgage. Ha! Oh, I got to worry about fucking blood tests coming back? Nope. No thank you. Five werewolves instead. Last night, my son comes running in my room. I'm scared of what? Of a monster. Oh, what does he like? Oh, he's brown and white. Oh, yeah? Yeah, where'd you see him?

I made him up. Me. When he's in... Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Me, just, fuck, worried about... I hope I could keep up this. I hope I could keep up this lifestyle and just...

My stress is just... And I hope my fucking... Everybody gets cancer or dementia. I mean, it's one or the other that'll take you out. If not, then it's Parkinson's. I mean... Come on. No.

Give me 10 zombies. It's just it doesn't get any easier. It only gets harder. And, and, that's where we're at. But, you know,

look, are we, are, do we believe in Tourette's syndrome or not? That's my, that's my, I think I have, and I'm not,

I'm not even joking. I think I have a percentage, a very small percentage of Tourette syndrome. And then when I heard, I heard recently that Tourette's syndrome is like cousins, kissing cousins with OCD. And I go, oh, that makes sense. Because OCD, you don't really, you're choosing to do the rituals. I get it, but you have to do them. But you don't have to do them, but you have to do them.

And if that's what Tourette's is like, I get it. You don't have to say the N word. you never have to say it. You don't have to say the F slur. You don't have to say, you know, and a lot of times, too, it's always, you're in the precarious situation. Like, if you're around a fatty, you'll be like, fatso, right? Like, why don't you say the N word then because you're not around, you know what I'm saying? But then when you see Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindo on stage, that's when you get hit with the N-word version of it, right?

And do we believe in it or not? Look, it's hard. It's hard to believe in it because it's all in the, it's all in your mind. Okay. Now, studies and scientists and all that stuff and, you know, uh, you know, the doctors and okay. I get it. I get that.

They say it's real. Okay. You know what? Hey, fine. Okay. Right? Like, how the fuck do I know? Sometimes they're like, because sometimes doctors are like, yeah, HIV is going to kill

everyone. And you go, oh, shit, really? And then where is it? Oh, but there's no cure? Where'd it go? Right? And you know, maybe one friend that died with it in the 80s. And then it's like, yeah, but I'm just thinking it's real because some doctors are saying it's real.

Okay, fine. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. You know? I was sick in December of 2022. Everyone told me it was on the Kron or whatever the heck. I'm a Kron COVID.

Okay. I guess that's what I had. That's what a doctor said. That's what the thing I took said. I don't like the flu if it's even what that is. Do you know what I'm saying? We're just basically like believing what we want to believe. And people are saying, yeah, but this is a problem and that's a problem.

And we go, okay. And someone says, yeah, but that's what science backs. And you go, okay, well, I believe in science. You don't really, the whole world could be tricking you. You could be in the fucking Truman. show. You could be an EdTV. I'm about that one? You brush my teeth.

But, yeah, so I'm just like, all right, I don't know what I was talking about. Oh, but yeah, so Tourette's syndrome. So they say, oh, yeah, but they're, they've got this urge to do the, okay. Now, look, there are people, you know, Tourette's syndrome can also be like Twitches and stuff. So the guy at the, what was it, the BAFTA Awards, right, Del Rilindo and Michael Basketball Jordan were up on stage. and some white dude with Tourette syndrome just screams out the N-word.

Okay? Now, I didn't even see the clip yet, to be honest. I just know about it. Is this the clip? So it's going to take 900 years my wife to click computer, but here we go. I didn't watch this because everyone sent me this

and then I go, I don't want to watch this. This is going to make me uncomfortable. In a way that I didn't want to be uncomfortable. I'm fine, I'll be uncomfortable, but not in this way. It's like, it sucks. dude. Like as a white, this, here, okay, look, let's just, uh, Delo and I are delighted to be presenting

the first BAFTA of the night for a vital part of moviemaking. Oh, uh, we're here to, uh, some. Oh, dude, Del Rolinda with the tongue and the side of his mouth. Like he's band, ban. Dude, I mean, you know what? I don't believe that it's, right now I don't believe it's Tourette syndrome. Because if that's Tourette's syndrome and you did that after, you go, ah, fuck my bad. Dude, I have Tourette's. I'm sorry.

And then maybe one, another one for good measure right afterwards. I would be presenting the first BAFTA of the night for a vital part of movie making. Ow, Cartman. Dude, I cannot believe that was a loud one, too.

Under your breath, dude. Just have a sign, you know? Hey, dude. What are you writing? Why are you writing that word? I'm trying to thwart my Tourette. there's going to be some black people on stage i'm just i'm going to hold the sign up if i really feel like the urge wow and then i and then so wow wow dude okay so this guy said he has Tourette's i mean okay yes uh you know of course because that's a very weird thing to do not i get

sometimes people will be racist and say the N word it's a very weird for a guy to just do it here in the middle of them talking at the BAFTAs, you know? So I'll argue that, yeah, that would be Tourette's syndrome. And I'm no doc. But why didn't they edit it out? It's on a delay. Look at this. Akinola Davies.

Akinola Davies. Echinola Davies Jr.'s free Palestine remark. is confirmed to have been cut from the BBC coverage of the BAFTA's 2006. This is let fans know that the coverage wasn't live. And the N-word, Hard R, that was shouted at Michael B. George, Michael Basketball Jordan and Delroy Lindo could have also been edited out, but wasn't. Oh, my gosh, dude.

Well, we've got to leave the N. Well, you know. All right. So here's what's going on. They said we've got about 19 seconds to bleep out free Palestine, mate. I want to, because it's going to affect our sponsors, but here's the deal. We did not bleep out the N-word from that guy. He screamed that Michael Basketball Jordan.

Well, blake it out. Wow, that's wild. It was a two-hour delay. You know what? We'll get back to it because it's not. We've got two hours, right, mate? Later on, what the fuck were we going to bleep out? Is there something?

Something like, somebody had OCD or something like that? What's kissing cousins with OCD? I don't remember, but that Palestine one would get it out there, right? Don't want to fuck up our sponsors, huh? Oh, and then at the end, oh, it was the N word. It was that redneck guy who says he has Touretel syndrome. The cat member, the Cartman yelled it out like a cartman. Yeah?

Right, right. Why didn't he say, oh, fuck, I have Tourette syndrome afterwards. I'm so sorry. I don't know. Makes you not believe in Tourette syndrome, yeah. You'd think if you had Tourette syndrome, you'd like at least wear a shirt that says, uh, pardon me, mate, I've got Tourette's or like a fucking tattoo on your forehead or a muzzle. Yeah. Maybe the hostage tape, right? Like you're sleeping? Well, whatever. Anyway, we got to Palestine one off, so thanks. That's great. That's wild. Oh, and then there's some follow-ups, Delroy Lindo follow-up. Let me just say this, okay. I don't know about Tourette's syndrome too much. I do know that this guy who has said it looks like a white racist guy.

We can all agree on that. That the guy looks like a guy that would be sitting on a porch somewhere. That's just like, well, you know, the crowd in the neighborhood, all right? Say they're not, right? No. Oh, he's Scottish.

So even worse, then. So he's got slaves. I mean, I know he's not. I know he's definitely, if he's at the BAFTA Awards, he's not from fucking Louisiana. Whatever he is, he's at the BAFTA Awards.

One fire's telling me he's Scottish without fully knowing, which is not one fire, but he is. Okay. God, and how'd miss that? So he said, so who is this guy, by the way? Why did they just invite this guy?

Is he an actor? Oh, he's a Tourette's campaigner. Oh, well, then all bets are off. You invited him. Hey, don't invite the guys with Tourette's at live TV. Or be like, look, invite him. They were like, invite him. We've got a two-hour delay.

What are we going to do? Forget. Invitem. What's it going to say to Enwatt? So highly unlikely. What's he going to do? Say it when fucking Michael Baskippon Jordan and Domoilinda were on there?

No. He did it. Oh great. Okay. All right. Fuck, he did it. Um, Daphcon 5. Look at him.

Look at him. He looks like a fucking guy to be sitting on a portrait of our overalls on. God, definitely looks like you fucking get the Palestine one out there. Jimmy Fox. Follow up. What, he just sing his response? Jimmy's, fuck, Fox be singing, dude.

Jimmy Fox just sings when for no reason Like during a comedy special and shit And like remember he came out with a song And you're just like oh I thought it was an actor But he was just like Marvin Gay Luther Vandros Was it? I can't get over guys who wear shit like this dude

I'm sorry I can't get over guys who have cakes in their hats I just can't And I never will Look what the fuck Jamie Fox swearing. Well, this guy definitely brought awareness to Tourette syndrome. I'll tell you that much.

Jamie Fox called out Tourette's activist John Davidson for yelling a racial Sirwell, Michael B. Jordan and Del Rey-Linda were presenting a award of BAFTA Awards 2006 on Sunday. Fox 58 comment on an Instagram clip on covers remark, calling Unacceptable. Yeah, no shit, man. So is HIV. Do we believe in it or not? If it's a, if it's a, uh, no shit, it's unacceptable.

Nah, he meant that shit, he said. The Oscar winner wrote. Out of all the words, you could have said, did it make you say that? Yeah. It makes you say the worst one. That's why nobody's out there just going, chicken, hard-boiled eggs.

It's a devious mental disorder. Nobody's out there going, focus. You know? They're waiting until the fucking, you know, pimply faced 45-year-old fat, balding dude walks into a 7-Eleven and they go like this. Pimply-faced fatso.

You know what I mean? They're not... You got Tourette's syndrome. If you walk... If you're in a Costco and some ladies got her titties out, you're going to be like, titties! You're not going to be like, get Mexicans out of here.

You're just going to fucking say the thing that is on your mind. Maybe if you're at Chili's, you'd say the other one. But it's just like, that's actually the whitest place you can go. But, um, oh, he wore that hat on two occasions. That's amazing. In the Super Bowl and the Bafters. Oh, that's his party hat.

That's his, uh, awards hat. That's his, yeah, that's his celebrity hat. Uh, you know, shit, it's unacceptable, dude. Ah, so was a messy kitchen. Um, uh, uh, uh, man, this guy, died Eric Dane. That's so sad, dude. So fucking sad. And then the next day, Netflix put out a documentary about him. Like, what the fuck were they holding onto it? They just go, well, you know, I got the fucking thing. Unless he's wait till he dies. We thought he was going to get more famous, but he's not.

So just wait till he dies. Hey, guys, from Olympians to regular people, IFBBB Pro, Corey Curtis takes out all guesswork, a functional hormonal expert with real strategy and real results. Instagram at Cobra Bodies or CobraCore.com. Go to hollered dot baby slash Christelie if you want to get a shout out on this podcast. That's what that was. Hey guys, let's take a break and talk to you about Legends. Legends is a free to play. Legends is a free to play, social casino and sportsbook.

Tons of games to play. Things to spin. Table games with live dealers. It is very fun, very addictive and passes the time. If you're in a waiting room, get on Legends. If you're just chilling at home, get on. Legends. That's Legends with a Z. Your Legends Hub is live. It's your all in one spot for missions, daily rewards, badges, and more. Start with missions, complete challenges, earn rewards,

try the daily drop, the new daily reward eligible guests for eligible guests who've made a purchase in the last seven days and get free SCGC spins and more. Keep an eye on your new inbox for updates. Keep it legendary. That's legends.com. Legends with a Z take advantage of the 100% match on your first purchase up to $100 and make sure to use code congrats when signing up. Thank you. The cartel thing, the notorious Jalisco, Jalisco, Jalisco, Jalisco, New Generation, Generation, New Generation Cartel. The notorious Halisco New Generation Cartel reportedly began a ruthless attack on Puerto

Bayerda, Mexico, over the weekend, following the killing of the crime. crime organization's leader. So Drug Kingpin, Jesus, these names, Nemesio El Mencho or Seguera Serrandes was reportedly slain by army forces like he's a dragon.

Sunday, which unleashed a retaliatory strike obliterating part of the popular resort town of Porto Bayerta. Also being launched at Guadalajara International Airport. Yeah, this is crazy. I mean, if you're, here's the thing about people going to Mexico.

And my friend brought this up recently to me. Going to Mexico, you know, there's risk in everything you do, right? People say that. And going to Mexico, there's a risk. you know, if you wander, you're going to get beheaded. They're going to turn your tongue into a necktie. Okay?

You could become a hostage. Okay? Now, if you're not, the weather's fantastic. You know? Oh my gosh. If you're not, If you don't receive a Colombian necktie,

martinis. You know what I'm saying? So it's the balance, you know, if you stay in the areas that are like, you know, Cancun and beautiful, chances of receiving a Colombian necktie drop considerably, all right? The problem is it's run by the cartel,

a lot of Mexico. So multiple fires were visible near a Costco store in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico during ongoing security operations in the area. Wow. Jesus. Oh, Jesus. It's weird that like, they, that the governor, Halisco governor, Pablo Lemares, Navarro, set an axe.

Federal forces carried an operation in Tapala a few hours ago, which has led to clashes in the area. So they just go, hey, we're going to kill this drug lord. And then they just do stuff like, all right, well, your parked buses, a few cars in parking lots and Costco's are fucked. Like, weird that they just willy-nilly it. Hey, let's get that Costco. Why? He's fucking easy.

It's down there, dog. Let's get the, okay, but let's get the buses on the way. Okay. Um, yeah. El Meno was regarded as one of Mexico's most violent criminals. He reported a game more prominence after the capture of Joaquina El Chapo Guzman. Now, these guys, they're saying also that Americans need to be careful that the kids, they closed down the airports. People got ticket into custody in the airports.

people got I think attacked in the airport anyway fucking scary shit dude and we got to get worry about people yelling stuff out like that at the BAFTA Awards

I mean where is this world what's this world coming to but you know it's just it's just it's just is what it is I am going to Australia and I One of the questions I get the most is

Oh man you're always on the road Do you do you I can't believe why I was an answer this question Do you go out and like experience the city? Is that you see? And I'm just like resoundingly no you know i i would like to be these places but like even when i was in amsterdam for a few days doing shows i'm dead dog tired and i have enough energy for the shows and i was telling this to

somebody today and they said oh that's really unfortunate and i don't it's not dude because i'm just fucking i'm i'm i'm just like cart me to where i need to be and I'll just do the show. I love it. All the hard work is done, you know, because I cut my teeth in the clubs and shit. And now 20 years later, I, you know, I get to show up and do this show. I mean, it's still fucking hard.

And this traveling, I get so tired. But I'm 45. I love when people say, I love when people convince us that we're not, that they're not gay. There's no way to do it. I love it. But I was very proud of it.

President Pena of Paraguay is here. President. President, thank you very much. Young handsome guy. It's always nice to be young and handsome. Doesn't mean we have to like you. I don't like young, handsome men. Women?

I like men. I don't have any interest. Good. That's right. That's right. Thank you very much. You're doing a great job. Smoked a guy in college, dude. Just smoked him. But I was... I mean, dude, did the...

In college, dude. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. I don't like that. What the fuck? I don't like that. I like women. Yeah, I did a... In college, okay?

But one time I did... Realized I didn't like it. Did... Oh, I realized I didn't like it. was a young had some men. I don't like him. I know a reason why I know it, because one time I went,

well, they had some man, and I realized it's not for me. I love it. Flick, flick their, like, flick their bean, flick their bean. I'm not into the guy, you know, hey, he's not into the guy.

That's just crazy. They love it. Well, you know, see, this is the thing about presidents. They should go off script and do some stuff like this every now. But I was very proud of it. President Penna.

Let's look up President Penna. President. President. President. Pena. Is that? Okay, there is. Baragway.

Let's see how he looks. Oh, yeah, bro. He's worthy of the, of course, he's worthy of the, in college. But that right now. I don't have to do you. Met some bed. only women afflict a beat A fling a bit

A fling at a bead A fling at a beat Um Worthy of the Oh yeah of course He's worth Uh I don't like you

Um smashed him to oblivion Uh Young handsome guy Always nice to be young handsome Doesn't mean we have to like you I don't like young handsome Men women I like men

I don't have any interest Said the same thing 900 times Where is this country going to end up? Is it going to be, you know, because if you think about, somebody said today to me, you should start a business that you think that isn't even necessarily something right now or is not a business right now that you think will be a business in five years. And I go, wow, that's actually good advice because you have no idea about the next. five years. You may as well just

I mean, remember video games when people were like, I saw this online, but people were like, oh yeah, you were when you played video games, you were a loser, dude. And now you're millionaire.

When you played video games too much, you were a loser. And now a millionaire, dude. You fucking, what's the guy's name? the Twitter streamer Sonat

you're a millionaire you're synat dude you Kai Sanat dude uh yeah it's not a waste of time anymore which is crazy now can you get you know it's good for hand-eye coordination okay but

my gosh you know my parents were just like you can't play video games all the time but guess what dude you can didn't know that was going to be a business, but it is. So what would be a good business to start?

I got to start a, gosh. You know, I don't know. Everything's going to be changed so much. Like, I was talking about teaching my kids to drive, and I'm like, oh, they're not going to have to drive. There's going to be teleportation. There's going to be, you know, they're going to be just, everything's going to be just remote, you know,

remote control or whatever the fuck. So we're fucked. He's worthy of the, is what he's worthy of. I just can't even, can't get into it. My son, Calvin is worried about losing his teeth. He doesn't want to lose his teeth. And I'm like, well, it's going to happen.

He's just like, I don't want to lose him. I'm like, it's fine. Everyone does it. He's like, well, what if I eat him? I'm like, well, what if I eat him? I'm like, you mean swallow him? And he's like, yeah. Well, don't say it like it's a fucking lunch, dude.

And he was like, I was like, you're not. They fall out the other way. Don't worry about it. This guy said, just learned our nine-year-old did an experiment on us. Lost tooth, told no one for third, for three days, kept tooth under his pillow, no money. Then he told us he lost a tooth. Next night, there's money under his pillow, then confronted us with the scientific evidence that the tooth fairy isn't real. That's, there you go.

Young Elon Musk. Young Bill Gates, dude. Young Steve Jobs. By the way, Steve Jobs. Boy, did he pick the right time to die. This motherfucker. me, they would have been doing what they're doing to Bill Gates to fucking whoever. They would have been like, this guy, he's trying to get our daddy.

He's the worst. He was definitely eating baby feet. You think Steve Jobs would have been? No, dude, he would have been so fucked. He did it right. See, that's the thing. That was like when Hugh Hefner died right before me too. That was just like, oh, dude.

They're doing what? Who's mad? They're starting to get a little bit of power? socially? Yeah, that was just, I mean, Q. Hefner woulda went down, you know? Oh, boy. I don't know why this stuff happens with certain people and then it just goes away like Jared Leto.

They were like, oh, yeah, he's just been with underage girls and cults and stuff and he's drink, you know, blood and they had a fucking, you know, whatever the fuck, drink blood. They go, and then they go, oh, but yeah, but Tron. And also, cancel him for Tron. Tron sucks. But that guy Evan Peters is in it, and he's so good. And Evan Peters is so good. And I watched that show, The Beauty, the Ryan Murphy show, the gayest show, the gayest show.

The beauty. But that's fine, because it's about beauty. and that show just got done with that too. Ashton Coucher in that, I can't. To get a real fucking actor in there. Now, I don't think Ashley Coochard is bad in everything, but don't, you know, have them do goofy shit. I just, I can't get not dry, dude.

I'm literally, when I do, when I wake up, in the middle of the night now. By the way, having to pee two, three times a night is driving me fucking nuts. I got to stop this. I mean, I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow. Great. He's of that age. Great.

I mean, dude, I just want to piss in the fucking bed, dude. And just deal with the consequences. I have to get up. I pee so long, bro. Remember, you know what? I used to be like, as a kid, I'd be like, why the fuck? Sincerely, I used to have serious thoughts of, why the fuck is my dad still pissing? Still?

How much pee does he have? And now I go, now I'm peeing, four o'clock in the morning, waking up. And I go, fucking Cowan's going to be thinking the same thing of me, dude. Trying to not get my heart rate above a certain thing so it doesn't, so it doesn't stop logging my sleep from my garment. So dry, dude. The doctor told me not to drink water before I go to bed because I'll have to pee. And I still do anyway, even though I don't do it.

So I'm gonna you know I just I want one of those fucking portable things We just strapped to your your penis and you just let it go That'd be great man That'd be just fucking great But that wouldn't be enough dude How much IP is unbelievable You ever in the car and you go and you know

I got a water bottle and dude that's not even close to enough I keep empty water bottles there Not even close to enough Um Thanks for watching dude Thanks for watching this podcast man It's got such a unique point of view like and subscribe uh thank you very much you guys go see me on beyond a row chris lea dot com

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