Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 497. Clinky Dink

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

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Where is Territoff? Am I? Don't miss the return of more. television's daredevil born again so what's next i'll be liberated we're to take this city back in an all new season now streaming only on disney plus they're hunting us it's time we started hunting them i can work with that this should be tons of fun marvel television's daredevil born again now streaming only on disney plus runk hey what's up it's episode 460 496 wow i'm deslexic Or what's the one with numbers?

Anyway, it's episode 496 of congratulations. No? It's not even 4.96. It's 497. Dude, it's episode 497 of congratulations. Hey, guys. Thanks to Legend's Social Casino and Sportsbook for sponsoring this episode. And we're already off and running.

We had no idea what episode it was. Three more into 500. You got to stay tuned for episode 500 is going to be absolutely amazing. We're going to do nothing special. I don't like to do that kind of stuff special, dude. I don't like anything special. I like chilling. I like hanging.

I like doing the road. I like being with my family. I, um, I, you know, I've done it. It feels like, okay,

so the last episode, I was so busy and burnt. I had just landed and I had to record and I was alone with the kids. I couldn't, you know, I had to put Calvin to bed while I was doing the podcast. It was a disaster. So it was the,

the disaster episode. So I do feel a little bit recharged and rejuvaded now. So hopefully, not hopefully, it will be. I just, I just, you know what, dude? For the first time ever, I just couldn't do. All right? And I still gave them all, but couldn't do. All right?

And did 45 minutes, but gave all couldn't do. And so it's all good. But now, ripping and roaring. And, you know, a lot of stuff happened since last week. Rejuvenated, recharged, did the poker world poker championship over in the ARIA hotel. Got my money from last time. Didn't lose my wallet this time. And then came in 32nd plays.

But there's 60. So not so bad. I played a little bit too conservatively. I realize when I have aces, I need to be a little more aggressive. But I was just like, you know what? Here's what happened. Bryce Hall is his name, right? Yeah. He was the guy. He's a YouTuber, by the way, that does just bare knuckle fighting. He's a guy that got big on YouTube, I think, or something. TikTok, I don't know. And then was like, hey, why don't I just actually fight people? And so he just cage fights, bare knuckle fights or whatever. So I was literally, the table was seven fighters, UFC fighters. him so you could argue that, you know, that's eight fighters, because he does fight, you know, and then me. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do at that table, you know.

McKenzie, uh, is it Dern? She is a, an actual sweetheart, though. Um, she's like really sweet and cool. And she's the champ, you know, so that was cool to be at a table with her. And then, you know, these other dudes, I was at the table with, uh, um, Paolo, who's actually a really great poker player and just a stud and then a bunch of other guys but yeah it was fun it was

you know I don't know man I put on a Vegas alpha and then I just left it on you know I just left it on man I left it on for the next I put it on wore it next day I go I go to Austin and I'm like dude what do I wear for today's for today's shows

oh I looked in the what do you call it the um what do you call it the suitcase i say i mean this i'm going to wear the same thing and i friggin ripped it in that shirt again with the two chains then i put two chains on to uh my uh i left the two chains on for a little bit and then i had my my i don't like two dude i don't this is honestly a personal thing i shouldn't get into it so much but i don't like two chains with a t-shirt unless they are visibly separated one's very very much visibly shorter than the other. If they're too close, I don't like them.

Too close. But two chains. Oh, and this is something I hate. Any bottle, water bottle bigger than this one. This is what I hate. Any water bottle bigger than this one, borderline on this one also. Don't like it. Oh, was that a coffee shop?

A guy had a straight up suitcase of water, dude. It was so obnoxious. Dude, it had different, like, mechanisms on it that you could clamp down. Like, I don't know what all the clampings were. But it was a straight up carry on of water, all right? And it was so annoying. And he was just walking around holding it, like this, like it's a, like you're a, Ebenezer Scrooge waking up in the middle of the night.

except you're just carrying wah-wa. And I don't like that. So any water bottle bigger than that one or borderline that one, if you have a bottle this big, you better be really cool and personable, you know, or something or to yourself. Just don't, don't that, any bigger than that, you're, you know, you piece.

But so I, I have that. And I tell you what, man, I've been carrying it around. I saw some woman on TikTok. She goes, you're not going to change your body unless you drink so much water. And I go, we'll see, bitch. Got it. I go, we'll see, bitch. One hydroflow, please.

Now I put the, you know, I put the sink on. I take it the filtered water I go. I take it around and I drink it, dude. No microplastics for me. me. Apparently a high school student found out how to remove microplastics from water, right? Is that right? Yeah.

Well, someone's going to kill her because the cancer society needs that to happen. Microplastics, dude. I'm not talking about that again. It's plastics. So, but yeah, so I have a bigish water bottle and I bring it around and I've been drinking so much water. And my body's physically changing. So it's amazing. Dude, lower abs are coming in.

What the fuck? I started really taking my hanging knee raises seriously. Yeah, I have been putting weights on my feet and bringing my knees up to my chest. Next, dude, we don't need to talk about it. But, uh, Ved out. And, uh, you know, so I was at the poker tournament, uh, got to vague. I thought I lost my wallet. Almost, I mean, almost just broke down and cried

because if that happened twice in Vegas, I couldn't have done it. You know what? I couldn't go on. And I feel like you'd get it. What happened to Chris? Yeah, he, he bought the farm. What would happen?

Oh, well, he lost his wallet again. When? Oh, at the poker tournament. What, again? In Vegas? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I get it. So, yeah.

I was at in Vegas. I like that ARIA Hotel. It's a bit congested, but I like the Aria Hotel. And, you know, poker's just, it takes too long. Make it shorter. Get, get, like, there should be, like, moves you can do where you, like, go. Okay, well, there should, okay, no, you know what it is. Maybe a time limit.

right i don't know i just it's not any games are just so bullshit to me i just want to go i want i want to win money won nothing won five thousand dollars the first time so now even it out that's two thousand five hundred dollars each time not worth it um i went to austin after that and i did um the uh vulcan gas company there's a good room over there i guess they do a lot of comedy? It must be a music venue, too, though. I think during COVID, it turned into a more of a, they did comedy there because it's so, it's so much cheaper to do comedy for them or for anybody than it is to do music.

So I did that and I had a real, I did five shows in two days. So I mean, I was, dude, when I go on, when I, hey, you know what's Zen for me now? Flying. What's, Zen for me is legitimately. having to do three shows in one day and flying that day earlier because I zen out, dude. I really do. I just go, nobody can have anything from me. I'll just be a vessel.

And I fly. And it transports me. And I get there. And I go to Austin and I go, three shows, let's do it. And I just, you know, just montage of me just absolutely crush it. People's heads exploding. And then I said, good night, everybody. montage ends at me in my hotel room like this reading the book that ryan goss thing movie is

that's in that ryan gossack movie coming out because i need to read it and finish it before i see it in the theater because i just i just impose you know things on myself dude i i i am mr gets an idea and started immediately i'm you know what i am a chick that's what a chick does you know what we should do today? And then goes and does half of it. That's me. I go, oh, dude, that Ryan Gossack movie's coming out, huh? I did it with the housemate.

I go, oh, yeah. Oh, Helmerie Project Helmerie? Oh, they think that that shit's going to come out before I can finish the book? Yeah, right. Dude, let's go to Barnes & Noble. Let's do it right now. Hello, one please. Get it.

Start reading it 60 pages in. Leave it in a hotel and fucking Colona. Okay. buy it again. So now I'm out fucking $25 twice. But pick up right where I left off and now I'm out 200 pages in, dude.

Yeah, the movie came out, but it won't be... I'll read it. I'll finish reading it before I see it. Apparently that movie killed it. Which is cool, I guess. I don't care. I saw the head. I saw the thing.

It was like, it made $140 million and it cost $170 million or something. So it's well on its way to be a hit. And I'm like, ah, cool. I say, oh, cool, you know, because it's not like a fucking Avengers or Spider-Man or something. I literally go, oh, cool.

And then I go, who fucking cares? I say, the companies that make these movies, they're fucking assholes anyway, right? Who cares? What am I happy for? You know, who am I happy for? Some producer that gets sucked off on his way to work? Who the fuck are you happy for? You know?

I saw this thing. It was like, ah, it's so cool when a movie that's a movie that's a movie that's a real. original gets made and then, you know, from a book that everyone likes and then you, you know, it's not. And then you go, dude, who am I happy for? Some producer getting sucked off in his Maybach. By the way, I saw a Maybach at the gym today, the other day, today? I don't know.

Dude, if you have a, and the guy, you know what? A Maybach Mercedes-Benz, okay? It's a Mercedes-Ben. version that is just an elite version. It costs like half a mill, okay? And the back seat is just disgusto. Dude, it's awesome. It's got like quilted seats and a desk and a fucking, you know,

an ejection seat if you want it, you know? It's to be driven in, right? If you get a Maybach and you just get out of it and go to the gym and you drove? The fuck are you doing? Like it's so funny These rappers are like, yeah, got the Maybach.

It's like, oh, you're a driver. Oh, really? You're driver. Who you driving? Nobody? You had a work driver. Sit in a fucking back. Get some work done.

Write some rhymes, bitch. Write some rhymes in the pull-out desk. Getting sucked off in the Maybach, though. I bet that's fucking kind of ill. just fucking crazy nice seats massaging you just fucking it's crazy nice seats massaging you heat if it's cold air if it's heated if it's hot just fucking getting twisted in the maybach just getting screwed in in the maybach you know what i mean dude um so yeah i was in austin let me tell you a little bit about

the men you know first of all i was staying at uh the south congress hotel i think it's called and that's a really nice area it's cute it's got cute restaurants it's got a coffee shop or two some some you know stores if you want to shop you know they have like a real cowboy western store or something and then like a armes for some reason and you're like all right i can do this then you go to the sixth street and there's just like a guy there's just like first of all there's people who are doing drugs you can't turn around a corner or you might get stabbed and and there's a hundred cops and a guy with like a blue stocking over his whole face and he's holding a sign and he's wearing a pinstripe suit and and you want you to read the sign and i don't read it

I don't read it. If you're a crazy person and you have a sign and you're, you know, doing it like this, oh, dude, guess what? I'm not reading it. No matter what happens. I block my, even if, even if I really want to, I block it because your craziness doesn't affect me. I do not read your sign. I don't know.

To be honest, I don't think I've read signs in a long time because you're not going to put that on me, dude. That's my brain. Those are my eyes that get to see whatever they want, okay? Um, but Austin, that 6th Street is, it's not okay. You know, it's all these comics moved to Austin. And God bless. It's, you know, the scenes, great. You know, it's got a bunch of clubs, comedy clubs.

But oh my God, when you step out of those clubs, I can't believe what I'm looking at. It's worse than anywhere in Hollywood. 100%. 100%. Because at a Hollywood Boulevard, at least they're dressed up as people you recognize. You're like, oh, Jack Sparrow. Ah, Spider-Man.

In Austin, it's like, is this a fucking extra from Lord of the Flies? Who is this person with tribal tattoos on their face that just stuck me with a syringe? It's dangerous. And also you're like, cool, a hundred cops.

That makes me feel safe. But why are there a hundred cops here? Oh, you know, I just, I can't, I couldn't believe downtown Austin. I simply couldn't believe it. How about that? How about them apples? Yeah, I just didn't. I was taken aback, dude.

I just go, wow. you know i guess sure you could say what you want about hollywood boulevard but at least it's got that like you know that mall that you could go in and like there's fucking live performances and shit oh my god but i'm chilling a lot of waymoes out in uh austin a lot of waymos like i don't know why there's not many waymos other places but in austin there's

many waymos um speaking of waymos this is uh something it's kind of kind of unbelievable taken away mo oh my god's why man i'm trying to figure this out like oh no why are you in it huh they just put me in here

who put you in the what the people I'm like that's what I'm saying just look oh my gosh and that's what was burning up in here 183 Just guy so used to lying this guy, you know?

That's crazy. Dude, the way he was lying. You know what? This guy deserves to be free just because of how quick he lied. Look at that. That's why, man. I'm trying to figure this out. Oh, dude.

What are you doing in the drug? That's why, man. I started to say that's why. and oh wow that's amazing actually said that's why to buy time and then realized he could say they put me in a trunk that's amazing bro what are you in the trunk

what do you mean dude just wake up oh you're Ryan Gosling's character in Project Hail Mary I woke up I didn't know where I was I have no memory I'm in the back of a Waymo oh yeah it's all coming back to me now I'm homeless and I need sleep

That's it. That's it. Credits, Day, Na, NeNe. Starring Deenone. Why are you in it? Huh? They just put me in here.

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You know, When you're my, actually the guy who opened for me, Nick Callis in Austin has a funny bit about that. And it's not that, but it's something like that. And that's funny that I'm seeing this now because he literally was doing it all weekend. That's crazy.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I mean, there isn't a more starting out lie than that. That's why. That's why I'm saying, oh, you know what he was? The Mexican Vince Vaughn. but yeah that's an man that's amazing

well look at this who is Dayton Weber what we know about quad here's a headline dude well what we know about uh now it fucking went away god damn it fucking computer stupid that's why computer is stupid

okay um who is who is Dayton Weber what we know about quadruple amputee athlete accused of murder. Okay. Wow. That headline took you a lot of different places. Who's Dayton, wherever you go, what we

know about quadruple amputee, you go, oh shit, okay, well, he's definitely not capable of doing much. And then he says, athlete, and you go, oh, shit, what? And then you're like, what kind of athlete? What do they, what do they do? Just, what

he's not playing? What is he playing? What is he playing? Lim flailing? well, you know. And then the rest of it accused of murder. And you go, oh, I didn't do it. Hey, Your Honor? Didn't do it.

Why? Look at them. How? Dayton Weber, Carderrupal, amputee, and professional cornhole player. Faces charges of first and second degree murder in Maryland following a deadly shooting. What? He's locked up in Virginia

after he was arrested in Charlottesville according to who did he shoot? Allegedly. Weber was the first quadruple amputee to compete in the American Cornhole League. I mean, wow. And then he fucking shot someone.

I would, do it if I had it. I'd tell you what. If I was an amputee, I realized I could use a gun, everybody's getting it. This is crazy. God, he's a go-go-getter. that's why. How do you pull a trigger? Oh man, that's sad. Weber lost his limbs to a bacterial infection at 10 months old according to that or... Dude, sometimes I'm like, now that I have kids,

I'm like, why do they grow up, why do kids grow up to be adults? You know? I wish they would just fucking, the innocence and the, yeah, I wish we could just keep that. We can't because there's too many assholes around and they harden us. Right? Did it say how he shot it? Oh, the two people say they had been in a backseat of a car, Weber was driving.

How's he driving? The fucking guy. I mean, is he just putting his arms in his sleeves? Yeah. We're going to go with the amputee defense. I don't have, I have arms and legs. tuck him in the next fucking Ryan Murphy these two people said they had been in the backseat of a car

Weber was driving when the athlete shot and killed a man according to the news release with what his tongue dude this guy really is a great athlete we'll say that deputies and Weber deputies said Weber then drove off with the body still in the car nearly two hours later someone living in the 10,000 block

of Newport Church Road in Charlotte Hall reported a body was found in their front yard. So this dude fucking took it out of the... Oh, this dude, honestly, Muhammad Ali move over. LeBron James would move over. Dude, you literally at sports bars,

there should be black and white pictures of Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, and Dylan Weber. How do you do all that? No, are you kidding me? Look at the... He asked other people to help him.

Investigators, said Weber then pulled over in the area of radio station road and Lano Drive, Yano Drive, whatever, and asked other passengers to help him pull the body from the car. The witnesses refused. Got out of the car and took off. Really a shitty not to help

someone who's disabled, but Oh, really? Then his car tracked him down. How do people, my friend got his car stolen? How does that happen now? Don't you know where it is? Did the get to everything? Whatever.

You're talking to a guy who fit both his cars in his fucking garage today for the first time I saw. Moved the fucking Christmas decorations. So we saw that movie Hoppers, you know? Went to the movie theater with the whole family. And nobody else was in the theater. I've never done that before.

It was just us. Nobody else was in the theater. And Billy, It was just unbelievable. Dude, he has his little toy skateboard and the character in Hoppers had a skateboard.

And he would, once he saw that, he just goes, I'm my skateboard. And wouldn't shut up about it. In the whole, in the whole movie, it'd be a quiet, tender moment. I'm my skateboard. Dude, and it was so funny because we didn't have it and he cried the whole time. Oh.

But that's good. I think, I think those movies, those kid movies, the Pixar and the Disney ones, I honestly think those are the best made movies nowadays. Like, they're just good. They have a good message. You know, if they're not too woke, they, they're well done. They're interesting, you know, from the animation to the kind of the characters and the storyline.

It's like, oh, I don't know, man. They're just really good how they do them now in Toy Story 3 or 4, whatever's coming out. Hey, I want to interrupt this show to talk to you about legend. with a Z. It's a free-to-play social casino and sports book. Tons of games to play. Things to spin. You like spinning.

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Look at this holler right here from Rich. Asking for a shout out asking folks to follow the TikTok account of our fun small family hobby farm living with kids, pigs, goats, chickens, horses, dogs and cats at gray sea blue farm. No, there's a holler. Go to hollered up baby slash Christelie. If you want to go to a shout out, get a shout out on this podcast. That's, go look at all his chickens, dude. Go look at all that guy's chickens. Look at all these chickens.

Remember that? This Alan It was his name Alan Richson, right? Beat the crap out of, beat the shit out of some guy. Where's the... We gotta find the video of him just beating the guy. What? Oh.

This is Instagram. But yeah, he just got fed up. You know what? dude, I'm so tired of, I don't, knowing legitimately nothing about this, just like, I'm tired of people fucking with people, dude. I'm so tired of people fucking with people. Like, if this dude's just jumping out in front of Alan Richard, what's his name? Richson and his motorcycle, you deserve to get your fucking ass beat, dude.

Especially if he's with his kids. It's so fucking annoying, dude. You put it on here? Where is it? Yeah. That's the other one. That's the one of the guy talking, right? I want the video of him fighting.

Yeah. It's like through someone's window and shit. He's just beating the shit out of him. Because it's just like, dude, here's the thing. When you live in a neighborhood, you're living in a neighborhood, okay?

Things happen and it's just, just annoying sometimes. You know? Like if my neighbor was always playing fucking that Indian music, just, oh, fuck. Yeah, it's annoying. And maybe I could go be like,

yo, you think you turn that down a little bit or play something else? But, yeah, it's like, so a guy screams down your street on a motorcycle every day. Whoops. Charge it to the game. You know, yeah, sure.

You can call the cops. It's not going to work. He's still going to do it. He's a TV star, movie star, whatever the fuck. Yeah, but also charge it to the game. Dude, if you jump out, oh, dude, you deserve to get your fucking ass kicked. And I'm glad it happened.

Is it on here now? Okay, the fight is right here. because here look this is ritson fighting the guy because he allegedly jumped out in front of the motor school i don't know what happened for real but if this is what happened oh oh oh he's really fucking him up dude guy gets up oh oh the guy's stumbling

uh he picks up his fucking glasses or phone or something oh didn't handle his bike too well right there He, because he hit the, oh, man, he was so mad at that point. Look, now he's going back for more. Dude. Hey, imagine your jump, you're, you're getting mad at a guy on a bike running around every day. And then you look, and then he takes his helmet off and it's fucking reacher, dude. Just all fucked up on royds.

Look at his kids. Just sitting there. Wow. Oh, dude. A biker gang. A biker gang. A biker gang. A biker gang.

Dude. A fucking biker gang. The kids afterwards just follow them. Nothing happened with the kids. They go, oh, wow. Hey, kid, just what you do when somebody jumps out in front of your bike? So, Reach, Star, Alan Richson. No, no, no, thank you.

I don't care what you have to say about it. That's my job. And then this dude, fight victim, Reacher's star Alan Richson fight victim explains his beef. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. I'm riding bikes for my life. Oh, dude.

riding bikes in my life switch all right here we go so he's fucked up well he's got a scrape so you know from dirt bikes to street bikes and etc

but I'd heard this this incestuous revving and speeding through our neighborhood this whole thing is so white so far so instead of

yeah why would you walk in motorcycle eventually saw the guy on Saturday I didn't know who it was yeah no shit shit, if it was, you would have called the cops probably. And I sort of like flippantly sort of said, guy, like, he was quite away. And I said, can you just slow it down, please?

And then there are numerous people. No, dude, shut up. Shut the fuck up, dude. I don't like, sometimes I'm like, sometimes you'll be driving the speed limit and people will still be like, and you're like, yo, you're a fucking bitch, dude. You're all right. It happened today. I took a right out of the parking lot and some lady was like, and I go and I, and I

I tried to roll down my window and be like, you're all good. Don't worry about it. You're all good. Everything's fine. Hey, you're going to be good. I can't fucking stand bitch-assness, dude. People in my neighborhood who caught all of this on ring doorbells of him speeding through the neighborhood. Caught it on ring doorbells.

On Sunday when I was cleaning my bike outside my house. Oh, he's got a bike too. So he's like a, he's not how you do it with a bike. It's not how you're doing. Oh man. You rode past once, twice, and on the second time, I walked out in front of him, and I said, you've got to stop. Someone's going to get hurt.

And it escalated quite quickly from there. I did push him because he was coming towards me on his bike. He did it again for a second time. I pushed him a second time. And I think the second time he got off his bike and kicked the crap out of me. Yeah, dude, all this sounds like... Sounds about right! If you're a guy like this, hide.

Hey, dude, they got blurry footage of you getting your ass kicked. Leave it. Sue him or a try. You probably will lose, but this whole on TMZ, now he's going to be known as a fucking bitch ass. You know Alan Richardson though fucking gets livid. Like fucking, he's too, like his Instagram and stuff. how he's nice and he's like let me just sing a little tune for you and he's super woke bro you know he just

gets like the kind of livid that the the rock character rock's character got in that uh bad movie by softie what was it the killing machine right um that's how maddie gets i you hit me in the back of mad i went to the ground and covered myself i'm i've had such a shitty day today and i don't wish the guy any malice or ill will but we just don't need people writing through their words like this and I just decided you know I'm taking a stand because someone else has to because it's going to end up way worse than it could have

I mean dude he to me honestly seems kind of level 100 I'm gonna go ahead and say yeah she's gonna want it the end made me fucking change my mind he's like look man we just I don't wish any malice I just like you know it's like can you just not be fucking reacher

can you not be reacher in the neighborhood Hey, dude, be regular neighbor. If you're being reacher, you're going to do some reacher shit, dude. That's the thing. He's too big to be regular. He's too big to be regular. Dude, I saw, what's his name before he did Conan? I had a dream about him last night, the fucking good-looking guy with the long hair.

Jason Momoa. I had a dream we were buds last night. But dude, I saw him before he was Conan, like before he was famous. Before, I mean, that, even after Conan, I was, I guess it tanked, you know. But I was like, the remake of it, you know, and I was like, oh, and I was like, oh, that's the guy who plays Conan. And I was like, Brian Callan. And Brian's like, really? And I said, yeah.

And he says, oh, I'm going to go up to him. He goes up to him and starts talking about his body and shit, like a fucking idiot, you know. And I was like, that's, that's, he's too big. dude if you're too big and you play two big guys and you keep taking steroids you're going to do big guy shit he should just start saying he's reacher dude reacher that sounds so gay it's halfway to reach around um reacher hi i'm reacher last name around reacher round uh Hey, dude, that's gay.

What the fuck did you just say to me? Beats the shit out of one. Drives away in his motorcycle. On his Kawasaki, dude. On his green Kawasaki. Fuck yeah, dude. I am Reacher. So that's,

nobody knows what happened, dude. But I am tired of bitch-ass motherfuckers. Like this shit. This is another one. Where's the Taylor Frankie Paul girl? First of all, don't have three names. And if you have three names, don't go. go by them.

Change it. Are you one person or three people? So this is, where is it? This is just the homepage. Oh, wait, here it is. Okay. Here it is.

Here it is. Taylor Frankie Paul attacks Dakota Mortensen. Too many fucking... Okay, hold on. Oh, Jesus Christ. This already makes me sad. The still of it. I'm just so tired of people who are like...

It's like, dude, from somebody who's been... portrayed in the media as somebody he's not. When I see motherfuckers who are actually shitheads, fuck you, dude. It's like, come on, man, where's the fucking, you know,

this, Taylor Frankie Paul repeatedly attacked Dakota Mortensen during the 2003 incident in which she pleaded guilty to aggravated assault. There we go. Yeah, look at you. Look, look. Oh, she looks like she's trying to dunk on him.

Looks like he's trying to dunk, and she's fucking trying to swat the basketball away from him. Oh, she fucking raised her a moan on his ass. Oh, shit, DDT. See, Taylor, this is all you do. It's the only thing you know how to do is hurt me. Jesus Christ. Why, you think this is okay?

Hey, hey, guy, get out of it. Let me go. Stop. Fuck. Oh shit. Oh. Your daughter is right here. Fuck.

Oh, I'm running at that. This is such a real fight, dude. No, no, you. So real. Dude, this sucks. Fuck this asshole. That's a thing. Like what I'm saying,

it's like when you're in, when you're portray. Dude, the media sucks, bro. This is like, get this fucking, go, go. Jail, jail, thank you. Jail, clinky dink, thank you. Bread and water, thank you. Bothers the shit out of me, dude.

Throwing a fucking stool from goddamn IKEA. Your husband were your daughter around. Hey, jail, thanks. Clinky dinky, dude. You see P, did he kick? give a fuck. Okay, whatever. Got it tried to think.

You saw him kick fucking who's her name in the hotel? Clinky dink! Clinky dink, Brad and order. It's so fucking Taylor Frankie Paul, dude, three first names. Clinky dink for that, honestly. Clinky dink. Taylor, are you, Taylor Frankie Paul? Yes.

Okay, five years in prison. What? You didn't even do the trial yet. Yeah, but you have three first names. And that's unfair. Clinky dink. bread and water for five years clink go ahead put her in the clink a dink for five years

i just this fucking asshole was she the bachelorette or something she was about to be and they just took it right from her now fuck that what they had already filmed it and they just go no nah that's what you that's when you fucking air it dude 100% she's throwing stools

you go like this not only do we air it now we go we do it now we go we do it now because this is when it's hot does she get in an argument Let's go. Is she hot? At least Taylor,

let's see how hot you have, you are if you throw stools. Taylor, what's her name? Frankie, Paul. Those are all fucking guy names. What?

They're all first name guy names. Hi, I'm the Bachelorette. What's your name? Steve, Dave, Jason. Dude, how the fuck do you have three guy names? What a stupid fucking ass.

I do dude now when I see now when I see people on video do shit that's like just awful like that oh fuck I want to get that I want to I want to put it on Patreon the fucking bachelorette get her up in that fucking clinky dink dude sweetie like clinky dink also she's not even that let's see hold on what what's up with the bachelorette sometimes are just like not that hot are the guys good? Is she hot? She's not hot. Not that that matters. It does. Not that that matters. It does. Jesus Christ. Who's this one, though? See, sometimes you get some. I don't know, man. Boy, they really fucked up with that one, huh? They're like, I think this is the one. Really? Yeah, yeah. And apparently the guy cheated, okay? Hey, Frankie Paul Clinky.

Leave him. Okay? Or, for forgive them. Keep the stool where it is. Pick another one. Pick another option. Jennifer Clinky, Maroney, what the fuck your name is? Jim, Jim Dave Frank. Fuck her. Yeah, hell yeah. You're my homie. You're my homie. You're my eighth best friend at this boy. I'm going to write you on Instagram. I won't. I will. Um, yeah, I mean, he obviously, she didn't earn as much as a day as long. But that's, you know, it's like, dude, then fucking just go out and suck some cock, Frankie, uh, John Mayer. Just go out and fucking, fuck and fuckin'awk, you know what I mean? I'll fucking throw a stool, almost hit your daughter.

Bro, if your kids see that, that's crazy. But I'll tell you if your kids see, you fight a guy that jumped in front of your bike, your reacher. That is freaking amazing. It's so crazy when you have kids and you, when you have kids and they're in the house, and you're upset with your wife or your wife upset with your husband, you go, oh, you know, you go, oh, oh, I can't, oh, I can't show my true colors shining. You go, okay, I'll swallow it. I'm a hoe.

Let me swallow it. I'm a hoe. because it's fucking maddening. What did it? Mom gave you another cliff bar? Oh, well, that's great. Yeah. Okay.

Can you hide in the closet for a bit? Sweetie. He's had seven cliff bars and just throws them to the dog. Kling-dik. You get in the closet too. Kling-a-ding. You get in the other closet. My whole family gets in a...

Everyone in my first. family in the closet right now. Except me. I'm going to sit out here and watch Sopranos because fucking Kristen won't watch it with me. Go! It triggers her.

Go! It triggers her because I'm Italian and used to cheat on her. Go! Fuck, dude. Fuck everyone. Yes! You know how it goes, bro.

You know how it freaking goes. I'm part of the G unit. I am. I'm the new member of the G unit. Is it even around? I don't care. It's 50 cent Tony Yeo and me. And that's it. The other guys aren't even in it anymore. And we just fucking tool around. Remember that song? Boom, run. Dude, 50 cent had some of the only songs you can't hum. Remember that fucking brum damn. Dam by damn. Dam. Do you know what song I'm trying to do? Yeah. What is it called?

well, that was a great song, dude. I was thugging out to that song. And then, and then how about P-I-M-P? B-I-M-T-L-D-D-D-D-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-P-P. You can't hum any. 50-Cent was a master at that, dude. Yeah, you won't hum my, you won't hum my son's too bad. You can't hum my songs too bad.

I'm making a fucked-up song. What's it called? It's like, It's the most famous G-unit song. It's not? How about the fucking, oh, dude, how about that one Tony Yale song? Shun, shun-ch-j-j-d-d-d-dung. So seductive.

Yeah. It was the most-favit-un song. And then the other one that goes, oh, yeah, stunting. Stunton, right? Stunt 101. Stunt 101. Dude, and how about the fucking one that goes,

I want to be a lover. Remember that one? And then the whole time I kept thinking, I want to be a lawyer. That's what it sounds like. I want to be a lawyer. Like, dude, some guy that's just out of business on the side of a bus.

That's his fucking theme song. I want to be a lawyer. Call 888-88-88-accident. Ah, fuck. Okay, Billy just fell down so hard and I had to go help him screaming outside of my podcast. Dude, it's going to be the biggest black and blue.

He hit his hip. And he won't walk now. He goes, I hold myself. And then he won't walk. And he's just sliding on his bum everywhere. And that's my son. And that like father like son. Milking it for everything it's worth.

Dude, when I'm sick, I'm sick. Take care of me. I need a team. And also I'm emotional, dude. In the crying way. I, dude, I remember when I found, this out. I was like 25. I'm in bed watching Oprah because I could because I was with my my first wife.

And I was forget I was married. And and I couldn't get through the episode about bursting into tears. And I was bursting into tears all the time during the whole episode. My wife was my my ex-wife was laughing at me so hard. I get crazy emotional when I'm sick. I just let him pray. You're not supposed to cry if you're a guy, you know. There's that whole thing going on now. Like with the fucking manosphere. Don't cry.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Your fucking girl will leave you. And it's like there's some truth in that, but no. They want you to be vulnerable, but also you got to be careful because they don't know what they want. You know what I'm talking about? The women knowing what they want is like,

very rare even like just take to eat for example what do you want? I don't know I'm like uh you know it's like oh oh okay oh you don't even know which one because you don't have a cock okay ah you got a slit you got to slit

what do want to eat? Um I forgot I got to slip I forgot you got to slip um so crass dude if I did that to my wife what do you want to eat um oh I forgot you got to you got to sleep you never know what you want I would be fucking sent to the election

electric chair. Oh, you got a slit. Oh, shit. I got nothing dangling between your legs, so you don't know. Okay, okay, I got to. Got you. Gotcha. Oh, your belly doesn't hit your thigh. Okay. All good. That's fine. Dude. That's fine. That's fine. Got no truck. Um, I don't know. This is what I ate today. I woke up, made a cup of fucking egg whites. Then I ate oatmeal with dates in it. Fuck yeah. That was awesome. Okay. Then after that i ate chicken and rice what the fuck then after that tuna and rice what the fuck and after that

zero percent fat yogurt with a teaspoon of honey oh fuck and after that i'm going to eat burgers bro and let me tell you something man i feel good now that helps zero with the anger that's internally from your mental brains are interested things but for me dude I just feel like life isn't real dude look I'm obviously going through something I'm not really I can't talk about it it's just a fucking family thing

and it's so hard it's so hard so hard so that's part of the reason why I couldn't do a long episode yesterday last week it's just fucking killing me dude and I try to grin and bear it I try to laugh through it and I you know my shows are still good Like when I go on stage, it's my escape, but my podcasts are so fucking, it's just hard to sit still, you know?

When I'm on stage, I can just fucking fire away and just, but dude, when, when I'm, I got to do my podcast and you have to end life is happening. And you're like, all right, let's just go sit and let's talk about pants for 20 minutes. I'm like, oh, but there's real things going on. Stress sucks. So, you know, I appreciate. you guys being with me i appreciate you guys like uh um you know some of you guys have listened since the beginning bro and we're gonna make that live lock i'm just trying to whittle this fucking audience down to a few people so we can get that log cabin going and we'll probably be happy in there

it'd be so annoying though you know because you'd be asking me for pictures but whatever we'll fucking share ideas we'll plot how to get those stupid motherfuckers who's who ripped the my idea off the shits and gigs guys with the fucking with our own army uh but yeah it's just i can't talk about it because it's not mine to talk about but i'm going through something why it's not even well yeah it is me but it's you know

family stuff and it's just hard so i'm dealing with the best i can and i said that at the end of the episode because i know that a lot of you guys only listen to the beginning episode anyway and i don't want you to know but um it is what it is and you got to get through it you gotta keep on going

and life isn't really anyway and we're plugged into the Matrix and it's all good so I appreciate you guys listening I have a lot of shows coming up go to chrisley.com support it we love it I love I still love doing stand-up dude I just love doing stand-up

I never I never don't love it dude and I'm so grateful for that man Like, dude, I'm so grateful I have something like that. You should find something like that if you don't have something like that. You know, it doesn't have to be your job. But like, you know, the things that I like, which is four things, I'm just so into them. And I hope you could find those too.

Because life gets so real and shitty. And a lot of times you got to do shit you don't want to do. But get your head up. I'm going to go listen to G unit because that's my group now. I'm in G unit. I appreciate you guys. Like and subscribe. Thank you very much.

Viva La Mexico. I love you. See you guys.