Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 500. Crying At The Burbank Airport

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. 🎰 Legendz Social Casino and Sportsbook. 100% match on your first purchase. (up to $100) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠legendz.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ It's the 500th episode! This week Chris cried at the Burbank Airport. Plus Bob Barker, parking at Erewhon, and more. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk. 500, 500 episodes of congratulations. This is amazing. So, guys, welcome to the 500th episode of congratulations. It's lit. Dude, 500 episodes, and thanks to Legends, Social Casino and Sportsbook for sponsoring the episode, it's pretty crazy that it's been half a million episodes we've done. I just can't believe it, dude.

and that's great. But that's 500 over 500, probably over 500 hours of podcasts. And just, I have a thing with numbers and I love counting. So let's just keep going, dude. Let's keep going for no reason, you know. I mean, yeah, okay, I make money doing the podcast and I certainly enjoy talking. Most of the time I enjoy doing it. Even, you know, obviously I said I've been going through some stuff recently, but it's, I feel good today.

I worked out. I ate 8 ounces of chicken and two cups of rice. And I'm absolutely freaking killing it today. And, you know, it was Easter. It was Easter. And it was, and I was in, what do you call it? Ohio. I was in Ohio.

I was in, no, Cincinnati and Columbus. Now, Columbus is, I can't imagine a place more someplace than Columbus. And I don't dislike Columbus. It's just a place where you can open your eyes at any moment there and be like, wait, where am I? And went to Cincinnati. And now let me talk about Cincinnati. You know, not the place I'd live. However, boy, do they buy merch.

Isn't that a weird thing? Like the merch went crazy. And speaking of which, if you didn't get it on. on tour. You can now go get it on my website, chrysleya.com. And you can also go get the other stuff. I came out with that, you know, drunk girls, uh, merch and, uh, a bunch of different, uh, merches. There's workout stuff even, you know what I mean. So that's, that's, uh, what it is. Uh, but yeah, it was Easter. Dude, I was in, um, Cincinnati, then drove to Columbus, but I're going to be honest. I feel, look, I know I feel good. That's mentally, but my body,

is not in pain, but it's like, because I didn't work out for three of the days this week, which is rare. I usually, well, it's rare that I couple them together. And I didn't, because so Saturday night, I did the show in, no, no, no, Friday night I did the show in Cincinnati. Saturday, packed up, drove to Columbus.

Never. Okay, I remember to tell that story. Did I write it down? Hold on one second. Let me make sure I wrote that down. I didn't. So let me tell that now. Okay.

Before that, I was in Columbus. No, no, no. I'll tell like this. Okay. So I'm in Columbus and, no, I go to, I'm in Cincinnati. I leave for Columbus. I get to Columbus. Once I get to Columbus, I realize I,

I didn't bring my toiletry bag. Yes, dude. So I have nothing, dude. I have nothing, nothing, nothing. If I don't have contacts. So I have, so I don't have my contacts. I don't have my toothpaste. I don't have my toothbrush.

I don't have my medicine. I don't have my glasses. Do you know how many contacts I have, too? and they're in my eye. Do I have overnight stay extended wear contacts? No. Even if I did, are you secretly not supposed to wear them overnight?

Yes. Even though companies tell you you can, you're not supposed to, yes. And why is that? Because they want money. And they don't give a fuck about your health, especially your eye health.

No one cares about. So they just tell you you can. And it's not a good idea because your corneas will be, will be, will be, your coroners will be your cronions will be hold on

your cornees will be starved of oxygen yes dude I couldn't think of the word starved man deprived that's what I was trying to get deprived the most quiet renter sting okay so

yes deprived that's what it was God that pisses me off I read that and I just forgot it So here's what happened. So, all right. So, yeah, so I did this. So I go, all right, no. Now, now I'm, I'm, I'm messed up here because I, I'm two hours away from Cincinnati.

I'm not going to drive back and go get this stuff. All right. That means I'll be driving six hours today, back, forth, back, forth, you know. So I'm like, could I Uber Messenger it? And then I'm like, Uber Messenger is one of those things that I don't even, know if it exists, but I think it does. And I just make, if it doesn't, okay, but it's a thing in my head. And I go, maybe I just Uber messenger it. And then I'm like, is that even a thing? And I don't Google it. And then I think, you know what? I guess I'm kind of fucked. Look, my flight,

the next day on the Sunday from Columbus back to Los Angeles is really early. The longest I've ever my contacts are about 16 hours. But I say, okay, if I take my contacts out, you know what I am? Toast. I might as well be hanging upside down because I'm a bat. I cannot see, dude. And it's not like I can use sonar. So I'm like, uh-oh.

I'll have to honestly wear these contacts for longer than ever. It's like a Jason Statham movie, but if he was like just a patient somewhere. The most I've ever worn him was 16 hours. Well, sir, you're going to have to wear him for 30 plus. Oh, Christ. Has anyone ever done that? Yeah.

Who? That guy over there. Just fucking walking around sunglasses on in one of those sticks. He's blind. Ah, fucking great. Um. No contact starring. So, uh, update your contact.

Update. Update your contacts. Starring. Jason Statham. Man. These are mighty dry, mate. I think one flipped around. This, this March, or whatever month it is, this April.

Anyway. Me eyes. So, so I go, all right, this is what we're going to do. This is what we're going to do. I make a decision. We're going to wear these contacts. We're going to sleep in these contacts, I guess, for a minimum amounts of time. And then wait, anyway, because I've got an early fight, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to go home.

As soon as I get home, I'm going to take my contacts out. All right. I was going to do it as soon as I land as soon as I get into the car because I'm, I wasn't driving. I got a car. So I was like, I'll just take them out then. But then I can't because I have to go pick up the kids and take them somewhere. So I'm like, okay, I got to do this. And I got to.

So I get my assistant. I tell her what's going on. And I'm like, you know, can you meet me with the contacts? But then I Google and it's like, and one of the I think it was Claude I was using it was like if you use by the way Claude is so like

that's such a Danish name for like a fucking you know or whatever or Russian I don't know what it is but it's just it's weird why don't they just call it gym but anyway so I hit it and they're like definitely don't wear your contacts longer than 30 hours

and I map it out to I'm going to be having the contacts in for 31 hours. So I am like, okay, that's okay, that's okay, that's fine. That's fine. I'm going to be fine. So we have Easter. By the way, we have Easter.

I have to take them out. Okay? I'm at my parents' house with my kids. I take my contacts out. I'm blind. I'm fucking blind. And you don't really realize how many times people go like this. Hey, look at this.

until you just can't. First of all, I told you 12 times to my son, I'm like, buddy, I can't remember, I can't see shit. I'm just sitting in a chair like I'm 85 while he's watching fucking sprunkies on YouTube. And so I finally got the contacts. She brought the contacts. I put them back in for two more hours. Okay.

It sounds boring, but it's not. go to back home with my kids, and then I put them to bed. I take my contacts out, so I had the contacts in it again for an extra two hours. Okay? Then I go to bed with Calvin. I'm like, you know what? I might just sleep here. It's 9.30.

Fall asleep. Wake up at fucking 9.30. So 9.30 to 9.30. I'm sleeping. Yes, there was an hour in there. I wasn't sleeping. But, bro, I woke up. Eyes felt fucking fantastic.

And then checked with Claude if I could put my contacts in again. And they said, yes. bro and that's the kind of shit that's the kind of shit that we fucking honestly if it was sexual that is what would make me splurt dude i love timing i love numbers i love when everything works out i love when i figure it out for the best of the way i could given my circumstances oh i did it that's the end that jason's did them at the end no update your contacts uh we finally did it he wakes up eyes open we did it might credits it's a fucking nickel back song we did it might or it's fucking creed oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no not my fucking contact lenses you know oh fuck man but i love you guys you know not true love but i'm not true love but i'm you guys here. There's somebody at the Columbus show I'm remembering now. Remember I said I would

remember the story and I got, I'm remembering it now. I was at the Columbus show and there's a meet and greet. No, let me just tell you about meeting and greets. Okay. Meet and greets. I sell about I think 50 to a hundred of them each show. And people can, you know, meet me, take pictures afterwards, whatever, tell a story, whatever the fuck. I don't know. Um, um, and there are there is a time where like the fans of someone there is a window where the weirdest ones will be at the meet and greet and it is always at the end okay it is just it's never at the beginning which you might think it might be you'd be like oh well If they're crazy fans, they might want to line up first.

Dude, that's not the case. The case is they want to be in the caboose and they want to wait because they want to do something different, quote unquote, or special or have the most time, which is fine, really. I mean, some people take more time than others. That doesn't bother me. Okay. But, and this isn't even about what bothers me. this is about the craziest interactions that I ever have are always at the end, always, always at the end.

Or it's some like, you know, it's either a crazy person or some, oh, that's just like, what are you doing? And I'm just like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. You met me at the wrong time. So, um, but yeah, no, so this girl, woman comes up to me. I mean, she's got to be 30 alone at the show. Fine. All good.

I actually am a proponent of going to the show. alone because it's fucking cool because you get to like not. I mean, it's cool to share moments that you like with laughing with the people, but also, dude, I would love to go. If I watched comedy at all or wasn't in stand-up, I would go alone all the time. But so she comes up to me and she says, she goes like this. She says, oh my gosh. And I said, oh, yeah.

And she says, it's so crazy. Because last time when you were in Columbus, I saw you. drive by. And I said, in my head, I'm like, okay, it still kind of makes sense what she's saying. Could totally make sense. But I realize she's at the end of the line. And I go, this is the window when the crazies come. And so I'm like, because I saw you drive by last time you were in Columbus, isn't necessarily a crazy thing to say. But you can get a sense of somebody when they say their first thing. And the way this lady said their first thing, I go, all bets are off. Okay. So she said, I said, oh, you did?

And she said, yeah, you were driving. I said, hold on, I was driving. And she said, yeah, you were driving in your car, that black car that you used to drive with the windows tinted. And you had the license plate that said, Cuda. And I said, uh, what? Wait, you're talking about here in Columbus? And she said, yeah, on the freeway.

And so I just skipped to the most. a definite thing that she would understand when I, like I was trying to, like, talk about nipping it in the bud. I'm literally trying to like cut the ambilical cord here by saying this. I say to her, oh, I've never in my life driven in Columbus. So like that removes all doubt from her head that this was me. Okay.

And she says, what? It was you. and I said, was he driving? And she said, yeah. I said, that it wasn't. And she said, but you used to have that black car with the license plate that said Kuda. And I said, no, I didn't. And she said, I know it was you.

And I said, okay, that's fine. But it wasn't. And she said, well, then why did the license plate say coupa? And I said, well, I don't know the fucking answer to that question. Because it's not mine. Now, and then I said to her, if you drive by somebody in a car and their car has a sticker on it that says, go angels, does it mean it's Tim Salmon? And she said, well, no.

And I said, there you have it. And she still was convinced it was me. And at that point, I just go, okay, let's take a picture. and we took a picture and she left thinking, you know, the stuff that people, that goes on, like I saw this fucking thing the other day on TikTok or, no, I don't go on TikTok or on Instagram. And it was this conspiracy, like I follow this one guy who's got a conspiracy documentary out and he's like, he's always like posting stuff and he's like, you can buy my, my streaming documentary online. And the first one I saw was like, oh, that's kind of interesting.

I don't necessarily believe anything anyone ever says. But I'm like, oh, that's interesting. There are similarities there. And I haven't really. Well, if that part is true, then okay, then that's interesting. So I follow the guy. And now every time I see something from him, it's like more and more diluted and watered down. And he's like, he'll just be like, fucking George Bush pet a goat once.

You know what a goat is? A goat with the horns? Okay, yeah. just it's right in our faces and then i'll go and i'll look at the comments and it'll be like this is only the tip of the iceberg and i'm like the tip of the iceberg for fucking what he pet a goat what's the iceberg what's below that he went to the zoo just my my point is there's so many fucking crazy people around now do people in power do bad things of course they fucking do. Sam Altman, his sister, is suing him for grape. That's not really anywhere on Google

because he's paying. So, no, I don't know if that's true or not, but I saw a post about it. That's the whole thing. You never know what's true or not. So don't say, did Sam Altman fucking have someone killed? As dude, but dude, you know, don't believe me. This is a copy. comedy podcast. But did Tucker Carlson back him into the most uncomfortable corner alive? Yes. Well, did you kill someone? You know? So, yeah. So I'm just saying, so this, this, this lady. So here's what I'm saying. Being crazy, I guess there's levels and we don't really know. Like, I don't know if this lady fake like saw a, you know, when you think of a crazy version, oh, they probably saw something and turned it into something that they think they saw,

but it didn't see that. That's, to me, that's like the crazy, that's the user-friendly crazy, right? But then I start thinking about it even more. And I'm like, you know what the craziest actual part is? The craziest actual part is that, okay, so she thinks I was driving in Columbus. First of all, that, if the sentence ended there, that you're already, uh-oh, why the fuck would I be driving in Columbus? Okay. Now, yes, there are reasons.

My family's there. It's not. I have to go to a thing. I didn't, right? I have a show there. Easily Googlerable, didn't. Right? So I go, okay, so she thinks of driving in, in Columbus.

thinks I have a car with a license plate that has cooed on it, easily find outable, didn't find out, all right? Now, besides that, after I'm saying, oh, I never drive in Columbus, she's not taking my word for it. Okay, so that to me is the less user version, user-friendly version of crazy because what you're doing is you're making up a whole world and you will not let it be shattered. Now that, that, that is where I want to be.

That, that is where I want to live in my own way. That is where I want to live, dude. Like, it's fucking amazing. And I'm getting, I think I'm getting there. I actually think I'm getting there. I mean, dude, my uncle, he's 72 years old, okay? Every time I see him, every single time I see him, he tells me the exercise he does when he wakes up first, first thing in the morning.

And I know that. I know the exercise. I know the exercise. I know he does it. I don't know if he remembers he told me or if he just doesn't give a fuck. That's where I want to be, dude, right there. Hey, you know, whenever I go out in the morning. I do this exercise online.

I'll send it to you. Sent it to me already a bunch of times. and the exercise is just squatting and lifting your arms up. He shows it to me. He sends it to me. He tells me about it every single time I see him and I see him all the time. It doesn't not happen. Do you understand?

That at 72, bro, that and not watching what I want to eat is the fucking creme de la crem of living. Oh my God, bro. That's the goal. That is happiness. That is hedonism. That is on the way to heaven shit. And to just not, because I was thinking the other day, dude, you put on the air if you want. I was singing the other day, dude. Like, and I, and I voiced it really for the first time. I don't know how all we know is how we feel. All you know is how you feel, I should say. and all I know is how I feel. You don't ever feel what somebody else is feeling, all right? And I know people are like, yeah, but there's people out there that are sympathetic and

like they feel what others are feeling. And I, okay, I understand that if somebody's sad, it might make you sad. But that's by proxy. You don't feel their sadness. You feel your sadness for the situation or for them. Okay? Fine. It's different because the base level of sadness of mind could be way different than

the base level of sadness of yours. And guess what I realized the other day, dude? And this is 100% true. And this fucking is just, this sucks, man. I always have sadness. Yes, dude. I am never 100% happy. Yes, dude.

And I owe and I've got a fantastic. life. Yeah, there's shit going on. But bro, I'm living the life. If you told 20 year old me what what I was going to be right now at 46 years old, you go, whoa, really? First of all, you go, what's Netflix? But then you describe it. You're like, three specials on there? And you go, you know what I mean? And then, and then you're like, two kids, beautiful wife. Fuck off. But I, and I'll tell you, I'll tell you right now, dude. Sometimes I'm so, I'm so happy. And even the happiness elevates, elevates the sadness.

Oh, fuck. It does. Because I am reminded that the happiness is finite. Yes, dude. And now this is something that is true. I am not lying about and I deal with I yes dude

I deal with it my computer's dead I don't know why but um it's a bad chord um so I'm like fuck man

is this how it is for everyone you know like this is what makes me think talk about this I'm like is this what I it is for everyone oh you know what I do this here

I got it because if everyone has that and if that's just what living is sucks donkey balls okay now if there's a way to take medication to not feel that fantastic so what i just realized today of the other day of 46 is i'm going to talk to my fucking doctor about it i'm going to talk to my doctor about it and and it's like what the fuck have i been doing dude why didn't i realize this you know it's like when you fucking when you know something's true but you won't let

so fucking accept it. God damn it, dude. The mind's crazy. Because then I start thinking about other people and I'm like, well, yeah, certain people are miserable. Like they, you know, I know them. And they're just a miserable people. It's just, I was talking to Denny and Sam, my camera guy about it. And they were just like, oh, that's, that's tough. You got to start thinking about what you're grateful for. And I do, dude. I do. But I try to. But the thing that happens is I'll wake up. I'll be like, all right, what am I grateful for? Beautiful day. beautiful you know billy ran in my room started talking about easter eggs fantastic oh he opened the patio door god it's so nice out uh it's fucking actually annoying that he had to open a patio door because the

whoops whoops whips ups up so up so beautiful well up here comes calvin calvin is so amazing six years old such a pure heart oh look he's got the basket of the rest of his eggs that's so awesome why does he have six and bill only has one i need to teach calvin to share a little bit better Uh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Very grateful that they get along, though. It's beautiful. Dad, can we go downstairs? Fucking, I don't want to get up yet.

You know what I mean? And then you're just, it's like, off to the races of sadness. So you've got to stop those thoughts, I guess. That's what Denny said. I'm going to try to stop those thoughts. I'm fucking so happy, dude. What are you going to? I, oh, I.

You know, what are you know? But you know who's happy. You know who's fucking happy. My uncle who fucking tells me about his new exercise. Or the fucking lady that fucking swears I was driving in Columbus, Ohio. You know? I just want to take a break. Talk to you about Legends.

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And also, this is something that made me think of that. Last week, I was at this, I was at, I went to, I think I was, I don't think I worked out. I went to, no, no, I did. I went to the gym. And then I went to eat something at Arawon. And I went after that to go get my car. and there was another car blocking my car. Okay.

Now, this is, let me describe the situation because this is how, this is the situation. There are two spaces. There are those tandem spots. You either park in all the way or you block someone and give the valet guy the keys. And that, that is just. a fucking obvious thing, right? I mean, there's nobody on the planet that's that, if there's someone on the planet that's looking at that car going like,

looking at a car that's already parked and you go like, well, but I, okay, I, I just block them in and leave? That person is sod. You know what I mean? You just, you're basically a chia pet. You're just there. You're just there on, you should be on a window cell sitting because you're a fucking, uh, in that, you're,

you're an object, okay? And, uh, sure you got some life to you, but, you know, so, so I get back and I, and I say, hey, to the valet guy, uh, I'm in spot 100, yada, yada, yada, this person's blocking me. You want to grab a key. He goes like this. Uh, yeah, okay. So I'm waiting and he comes up.

Hey, you know what? I'm going to have a... See, they didn't leave the key, so I'm going to have to... Give me a moment. I go, oh. Fuck this, dude. You know? Because I'm like, I got to wait or does he have to find out who it is?

Are you going to call it tow truck? I can take it so long. So he comes back with these four things on wheels and he goes to put them... You ever seen this? Where they put the wheels under each wheel. And then they just fucking push. the car. So he gets four other guys that are working and they all start pushing the car. And it's just rolling. And I'm looking and I'm like, please person who parked this car here come back before I leave

so I can see what is going to transpire. I need to see this. All right. Now, this is the negative of me talking because I want to be in this situation where, okay, well, if something's going to happen, I'm going to fucking blow my lid, dude. So two, I spot them from far away too. I see these two Persian women walking. And I go, it's them. I go, you know what? How about this?

You can be like, oh, but Chris, that's racist. Okay, fine. You know what? It's them. And if it's not, I'm racist. How about that? That's the fucking, that's, that's the bet. They start walking.

They're walking. And now I'm like, is it them or not? Because they're looking at that area. But a lot of people look at that area. Because the car's on fucking wheels being thrown around by fucking three valet guys. So, so she's walking up. And she finally gets too close to the car to say this. Like she should have said this way earlier.

But she says, Excuse me. What are you doing? That's my car. And I said, you didn't leave your key in. And then one of the valet guys says, you're lucky we didn't toy it. We put it here. We didn't toy it. And she says, but this is my car. You cannot. How am I supposed to know I put my key in there? And I said, because of my fucking my car is here. How fuck am I going to get out? And I also, I've been watching the Sopranos. So it's like, she She's in trouble. But I'm like, but she's like, what, how am I supposed to know? I said, because you're a person. You're not the only one in the world. Look at this. How am I supposed to leave? Am I supposed to wait for you to get your fucking Haley Bieber drink? And then, and then, dude, and then, and then she was like, well, you know, she kept on snapping back. And then finally she's, oh, bro, I, I, she finally, oh, bro. She finally said, well, what am I? I, I, I don't know. Nobody told me. She was like, and then she says, sorry, but how am I got. And I cut her off.

And I said, there you go. Thank you. You said. I said, there you go. You said it. Oh, fuck. And then I got in my car and left. And I'm leaving.

And I'm like, I fucking, why did I pop off? Yeah, she deserved it. But why did I pop off, dude? Why did I get myself? I'm only affecting me. You know? I'm all fucking. And then the valet guy.

you know, I rolled down my window and I say, thanks, buddy, I really appreciate it. And the valet guy says, hey, you should never yell at a woman. And I said, what? And he said, it's not right. And I said, that was fucked up what happened. And he says, yeah, you do that.

And then they get confrontational. It's never a good thing. I was like, yeah, yeah, you're right. and I left. And I'm just like, and then I'm like, well, what the fuck? He was yelling at her too. He's the one that's like, you know, we didn't tow it. And I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with everybody just saying everything and doing the opposite?

Always. That's what I'm saying. The happiness is the sadness. That sucks, dude. The happiness elevates the sadness. And it's bullshit. Dude, I'll look at my kids. I'll look in my kids eyes.

I'll think about how beautiful. I am and then I'll think about how I have to go do something else and not be with them and how that sucks, dude. And I know some of you guys do that too. And it's like, what are we doing, dude? And then I'm like, well, I made, I helped make these kids. So are they going to feel that way too? Why would I make people if that's how it's going to be? You know, I'm a fucking lunatic, bro.

It's like, try my product. But anyway, I'll be in fucking Chicago and a bunch of different areas. Miami, Fort Myers, Chrysleya.com, get tickets. I mean, Little Rock. Just, I got a tour. It's crazy. Also be in Portugal.

So go check it out. Chrisley.com. Get your tickets to the Go for it tour. I've been having a fun on tour. I was at the airport. And, uh, bro, the flight that I had,

what is on my phone? Is it a fucking, is it duck shit? Get off. Dude, I, um, was on. I was in my flight to go to get to Cincinnati, which boy, let me tell you something right now. Having to take a flight to Cincinnati fucking sucks. Just that sentence, dude. Hey, I'm on a flight to Cincinnati.

Because you know why? Because you know it's not going to be direct, even though it should be because it's a big city, but you're definitely going to have to fucking go through Phoenix. Right? Or, yeah. So I did. I get the thing that was going to go through Phoenix. I go.

I get to the Burbank Cocksucky Airport, which is cool because it's close, but it has nothing, dude. It has nothing but fucking, like a few matchbox cars for sale in a bodega and a fucking Guy Fieri restaurant. And you're just like, I should have went to LAX. But anyway, I get there and we're not boarding.

I'm like, what the fuck's going on? I got a good thing I got an hour and a half layover. And I'm like, oh shit, but is it going to encroach? And they say, well, so we're a little bit pushback, but it's because the the flight from Dallas needed to, they kept saying, they needed a bump. So they came over to refuel and then they're at our thing. So they're leaving and then we'll get it going. And they

every time they did it. They're sorry, but the flight from Dallas needed a bump. Hey, dude. What the fuck does that mean? Okay. I only think I know what it means. So if I only think I know what it means, say it maybe once. Don't keep saying it because then I have to keep thinking, do I know what that means? I'm sorry, but you know, the flight from Dallas needed a bump. And I'm in my head, I'm like, dude, is this like lingo for them or is this just the way fucking she says it? And what's what does she mean?

And how long's a bump? Oh, you know how long a bump is? Fucking at least an hour. Because that's how long the bump was. And I'm like, have more spots, Burbank Airport. Don't be a small fucking airport. If you're going to have to give other flights bumps and move to other flights later, and I'm going to miss my connection.

So I did. I miss my connection. Then so I went home. I go, fuck it. I go home. And then I booked a red eye from L.A. I do this, the weekend of sleep was just. a disaster, okay?

And no, and contact, you know what I mean? So the contacts, so, yeah, I don't know. Some lady at the Burbank airport said, and I didn't realize that this story didn't make sense. So I'm going to tell it to you, and then I'm going to tell you how I realize it didn't make sense, but it happened. Okay?

So help me figure this out. Lady said, did you go to LCHS? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is what she says. I think you went to high school with my, with my daughter. And I say, oh, yeah? She says, yeah. I said, where?

She says, LCHS. She said, yeah, I went to LCHS. She said, yeah, she graduated in 98. I don't know when you graduated. I said, I graduated in 98. I said, who is it? She says her name. And I go, and I, and I say, oh, yeah, that name absolutely rings a bell.

I don't, you know, you know, it was someone that I didn't deal with too much, but I do. remember her being in like the either musical or drama department. I just remember her. I remember her name. And then she starts talking about, yeah, she was in this and she was doing that. She was trying to do this. And then she works and had a whole conversation. And I said, well, tell her, tell her I say hi. And she says, okay, what's your name? And I said, oh, Chris. She said, Chris, what? I said, Chris, what? I said, Chris Delia. She says, okay. And what do you do? And I said, I'm a comedian. Yeah. And so, we leave. She was a sweet, nice lady.

And now I'm sitting there next to her. The conversation is done. And I'm like, wait a minute. Does she know who I am or fucking not? I was had, dude. She fucking took me. I don't appreciate this because

do you know who I am or not? Now, I don't care if you know who I am or not. But don't. ask me if I went to high school with your daughter out of the blue and then ask me who I am because later I'll fucking realize how the hell did you know I went to high school with your daughter, dude? By my face. So, do you know who I am or not?

She had me, dude. She fucking really had me. Such a sweet lady had me. And that's not really a big deal. it just goes to show that people truly, truly don't show you their fucking real self. They just don't, dude. And it's okay. It's okay.

It's really okay. I did it earlier. I can't remember what it was, but I did something where I was like, oh, dude. The fucking on that at the Burbank Airboard. So I told you I've been going through stuff. That's been tougher lately. And it comes in waves. And some days I'm sad all day.

And some days I'm just like, all right, this is okay, you know. And I didn't want to leave, you know, I'm going through that stuff. And also I have to leave every weekend or something. And I don't want to. But it's my job. And I do love it. When I get there, I love performing. But like, I don't really want to be away from my family.

And, you know, but it's how we make money. And it's so, okay, so that's fine. It's what it is. And so, and I'm like, Cincinnati. bro, if I have to go to like fucking somewhere, like I'm going to Sacramento, that'd be fine. It's an hour flight. I'm going to Sacramento next weekend.

Get tickets to Christopher's there. But I'm like, oh, dude, I'm going to Cincinnati and I drove all the way to Burbank. They canceled the flight. Or no, they didn't cancel it, but I had to change it because I wasn't going to make the connection. Now I got to drive back home. At least I get to see my kids again. But then also tonight I got to go and leave to go to fucking Cincinnati at L.A.X. So, man, this was so funny to me.

So I talked to my travel agent. I'm like, I just, I'm not going to be, I said, how long am I going to have for the connecting? She said, 10 minutes. I said, all right, let's just get the, let's just get the red eye flight. I don't want to do that, but let's get the red eye flight. He says, okay. So she changes the reservation for me and Denny. You know, Denny and I are both at the Burbank Airport waiting a go Cincinnati.

Natty and I go, hey, buddy, we're, you know, actually, we're just texting at this book, because I don't even know where he is, but I'm like, yeah, we're going to LAX later on tonight. He's like, cool, send me the itinerary. I sent him the itinerary. And then I realize, oh, fuck our bags, dude, our bags are on that, this flight. So I said to the lady, hey, um, our bags, uh, my bag is on a flight. And I'm not going to take the flight anymore since the company, you guys messed up. and now I'm not going to make my connecting flight. So I need to wait. I need to get my bag.

And she says, oh, we can't get the bag. And I said, and I said, yeah, you can. And she said, no, no, that's not possible. And I said, well, get it off. I looked at her and I said, get it off. It's all good. Just get it off. And she said, it doesn't work like that.

And I said, okay. Tell me how it does work. And she says, so what happens is your bag will be on this flight. It will be transferred to Cincinnati in Phoenix. And then it will get to Cincinnati. I said, oh, but it's not because it's not going to land in time in Phoenix, right? And she said, yeah, so what would happen is it would get on the next flight to Cincinnati. And I said, but there isn't one.

There isn't one. and I know that because I have to take the cock-sucking red eye at LAX at 10 p.m. And she says, so what'll happen is it'll get there then on the first flight the next day to Cincinnati from Phoenix. And I say, well, when's that? And she says, let me look. Ah, it lands at 10 a.m. And I get in at 5 a.m. so now I got to go to the airport so many times this weekend, dude.

I had to go to Burbank. I had to also go back home, go back to LAX, then go to Cincinnati, then go to the hotel, then go back to the Cincinnati airport, then go to the fucking Columbus, no contacts, be blind on the way home, all while I'm dealing with shit. That's why, dude. It's hard to understand to only live happiness 100%. Oh, fuck, whatever. But, you know, you got to learn great.

You got to learn gratitude. You got to learn gratitude. Hey, here we go. Let me do a holler. Happy birthday to fart daddy. Mitch Goodrich. We like that, fart daddy. My sweet little man, my stinky boy.

Who the hell wrote this? My stinky boy, my precious. Ew. Cream demon? My most cherished. Ew. Gooner. Gooner God?

No. No. Pookie says she loves you so much. Pookie. That's who... I love you so much. Pooke. Yeah. Yeah, they're calling him Pookie. But whatever, but either way, it's all mixed up, dude. Happy birthday fart daddy, you know? That's a holler. Go to holler.org.combe.combe slash Christalia if you want to get a shout out to this on this podcast. And you know what? Honestly, shout out to these people for not even... They didn't even disclose anything about themselves.

They just talked about how Mitch Goodrich was fart daddy. But yeah, it's just like, I'm so sick of online. Nothing matters. Nothing really matters. Any time I just finished, finished pod and will go when you get back. Okay. They're having fun of the beach. Great.

Beautiful. Fantastic. But yeah, I'm chilling. And I didn't just finish the pot, but I know by the time she gets here, I'll be done. You did you see how I'd do that? It's not that impressive. It's just fine. It's whatever it is, what it is. Oh, Bob Barker, dude.

That's right. Bob Barker just fucking born at the right time for missing me too, you know? Have you? Really? How long have you waited for that kiss? Oh, I don't know, years, years since I was little watching. Friends. Right?

Yeah. Yes. I've been waiting for it myself. I have a feeling. I have a feeling. I beg you pardon? You look great. I couldn't hear you.

You're very handsome. Thank you, Denise. There's no sense of going on with this game if you have anything else you wish to say. Denise whisper in my ear, how old are you? Just right. That's superb. So he did that with a white. They're saying that this is racist because he did that with a white woman or a girl.

I don't even know how old she is. And then Bob, Parker, now he's with a black contestant. Okay. And she's running after him and he's trying to get away. Well, I don't really agree with this being racist because the lady, the second lady is not attractive and running after him. And it's scary because of he's 14 pounds, you know. That I don't really necessarily agree with.

Now, I will say. Hug on Barker. and he would kind of shrink away from them. Again, another not attracted person. Kind of running after him. Don't touch me, you know? Don't. How shitty is that?

It definitely revealed an even darker side of the show. You know, no pun intended. But that honestly is not a big deal to me looking at that. If a fat, unattractive white lady did that, I assume Bob Barker might do the same thing. Maybe I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

And the racial profiling, even down to the contestants. What I'm looking for in a contestant is someone. Now, this is a guy who was like one of the producers. They would go through potential audience. She's got to suck my dick. You know, if it's a woman, she's got to at least play with me a little bit with my shirt off, kind of just give me scratches. It's got to at least be that. And I'm not going to say no to some wrong.

sex. Dan ta-ta-da-da-na-na-da-da-da-da-oh, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. Ha! Oh, no, with his little fucking penis microphone. That fucking microphone, I would say, I would probably say, I don't, I don't even know if a bitch would exist if it wasn't for me seeing that bitch-ass microphone as a child. That is unbelievable that somebody would have had had.

hand a grown man, that bitch-ass pencil microphone. And he would be like, yeah. That's crazy. I like that. Look at that. It doesn't have a little. It looks just straight up and down. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'll poke someone. It'll hurt. It was stereotypes that were definitely pushed on the show. Negative stereotypes of black people. Like the overweight black woman.

I mean, I understand, kind of, but also, you know, don't be on her way. How ridiculous person. Also, isn't this lady kind of being racist, if she's saying? hear that they were only allowed to have two black contestants on the show at a time. But how many contestants did they have for one episode? Oh, at a time. Yeah. Okay.

So that's kind of a fucked up rule. And that was a direct instruction from Bob Barker. Only two blacks at the, we can't have three blacks. Oh, we went over. Three blacks. Oh, you went over. And we're, I'm looking for a Jamal. Oh, never mind.

Uh-tun-da-na. To let Barka know. That fucking microphone. The race of the contestant that's about to come on down. Oh, that's crazy. They would have the letter B for him on the car. Oh, dude. That's crazy.

Who cares? I think he just didn't care to be that close to somebody that was not white. Oh, dude. It's so fucked up when a documentary does. this kind of thing. Because it's like he's just smiling and they're zooming in

on a picture of him and they're just like he fucking hated black people and it's just like it just adds to it the picture and you're just like oh fuck this motherfucker motherfucker.

It was pretty sad. Dude, fucking wow. Somebody said in the comments what I said. Could it be that the white chick was hot and the others were behemoths?

Cras. I mean, I'd prefer a hug from one over the other based on looks, too. Yes, men are shallow. There you go, brother. Oh, look at this. Executive produce, this person wrote, executive producer, your show and run it how you want. What the fuck does this mean even mean?

I bet he was shocked when he took his last breath and realized Yeshua is black and we are the chosen ones. Who's Yeshua? Jesus? Why does Jesus have so many fucking names? Hey, what the fuck? What are you, a rapper? That's why they call me Yeshua. What?

Tass why they call me the chosen one. Are you mean Jesus? Yeah. Can you, um, there's here, look, there's a bunch of names you could call me. I wrote it out. Ouch, my wrists. Anyway, this is pretty wild. Yeah.

I don't know, bro. I mean, whatever. I can make a fucking documentary about plants and I can make it seem. You know what? I should. Make a document about fucking plants. A six-part documentary, docuseries about how bad plants are. I just have black and white photos of plants fucking, you know, zooming in.

And then some lady just talking head saying, you know, well, you know, and it was a spider plant. And at our house, it just pretty much was the focal point. And honestly, it shouldn't have. I feel like it took away from the family. Bim, damn, da, now. All right, well, it is what it is. I appreciate you guys.

Oh, wow, it's a lot of stuff I didn't get. I'll get it next episode. I appreciate you guys. Thank you very much for the 500 episodes of congratulations. Keep going. Sign up for the Patreon. It's fun. Come see me in wherever I am.

I'm going to be in Sacramento, a bunch of different places. St. Louis, and also Portugal, Portugal, and Miami and Chicago. Go to Chrissly.com. Thank you very much. Appreciate you.