Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 502. Cringe Inflation

Episode Date: April 23, 2026

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Here we are, babies, and we are off and running, thanks to Legend Social Casino and Sportsbook for sponsoring this episode, Prish. And it's, it's, it's, it's, well, right now we're recording on, it's 420, so we're recording on 420. so we're recording on that day. And if you're smoking that sticky yiki or if you were smoking that sticky icky a few days ago on 420, this is for you.

If you were smoking the chocolate tie, this is for you. If you were smoking that the, the derple, this is for you, dude. You know, I hope it was green and I hope it was good. I don't know anything about, I know nothing about weed.

Legitimately, I know nothing about weed. All I know is I've been coughing a lot lately because I have a chest thing. So it's kind of like I smoke weed. It's kind of like I smoke that chocolate tie. Chocolate tie. But yeah, so, you know, I trim the beard nice. Well, not nice, but I trim the stubble, you know, to make it a little bit more presentable. I'm getting gray.

I get a little bit of grays on my head, which is cool. I need some more grays on my head. I've never had work done. And I, and I, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, not thinking about actually doing it, but I'm thinking about the people who are my age or in their 40s that do get work done. Um, and they all pretty much look terrible. They all pretty much look bad men, men.

And, uh, although I think Leo got some work done in. He kind of looks amazing. So it does work. That's the thing. That's the thing about the work is that the doctors, sometimes they have cases where they go, all you need is one is a plastic surgeon, surgery, surgeon. All you need is one.

Because you, what the frink was that? I don't know. My computer just made a noise. But all you need is one. And then you can, especially if it's famous, you could just be like, that's my guy. No, no, yeah, Hippo laws, yeah, no, I didn't, I definitely didn't. If you're asking me if I, if I've done work on Leonardo DiCaprio,

I'm not at liberty to discuss that. Do you want to ask me about any other celebrities? Yeah, sure, Ben Affleck, no, I didn't. Okay, Matt Damon, no, I didn't. Robert Lozier, no, I didn't. Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm not at liberty to discuss that. That's how you get out of that one. And then you know that he worked on Leonardo Caprio,

and that's your calling card. And you go, this is what I want to look like. I want to look like, I want to look like that new Leo meme in the Oscars because he looks great, dude. I think he's slowly morphing into Jack Nicholson. But he looks great. And that's all you need, is that one. And you can even mess up all the other faces. As long as you have that one to point to, people go, that's why Vegas is so great.

They keep making money because Blackjack, you lose, you keep losing. but there's that, uh, there's that, uh, maybe I'll, uh, black,

don't hit on it. Don't, I mean, you don't hit on, you know, you don't hit on 20, but if the dealer has a 20,

and there are no aces, and there hasn't been an ace in a while, you know what I'm saying? That's what that is. All you need is one. So, uh,

and that's it. And, you know, um, so, yeah. So it's 420. Yeah. And, you know, by the way, I've always thought this, nothing looks worse than hitting from a bomb.

You know, get a spliff or whatever. Don't know anything about weed. Get a roach. Handle it like a man. I know nothing about it. Snort it. No, I know you don't snort it. But, like, just, you know, inject it into your veins.

No, I know you don't do that. there was like a few years in my life where I I when people would have brownies at the house or whatever house or gathering I'd be like there's no pot in this one though right and I would like make sure it was like a thing that I would you would ruminate in my head because of OCD I'd be like but there's no pot in this one and you're sure that this one has no pot have you ever made pot with brownies have you ever made brownies have you made but in the last two years no okay I'm going to have one of these brownies that's I didn't want to get mixed up how long have these been around and you're sure these are the ones you made this is your Tupperware

Anyway, you know, yeah, I, that's just me, dude. That's just me. Our natural. Coachella's over. You know what? You know what? You know what? I constantly think during the month of April and May with the stage coach and Coachella.

I think, man, Coachella wasn't a thing. however many years ago, right? I don't even know when it started. Do you? Is that what you're looking up right now? It's like 2009 or some... 1999, okay. I was 10 years off.

But, you know, it wasn't obviously big in 1999. It had like the fucking, you know, the cramps and Sonic Youth. I don't know. What's it big? Oh, rage against the machine. Okay, well, never mind. What's the cramps?

I know nothing. Um, yeah, so Coachella, well, so that's cool, actually, back then, to go see that. In the desert, you're like, oh, let's go see who? Rage Against Machine. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Let's go out in the middle of the desert and feel like we're fighting the system,

even though this is part of the system. And Rage Against the Machine will sing against the system, even though technically everything's part of the system. matter what. Right? It's not like you're going to the middle of the desert to see Ted Kaczynski. You're not doing that. Let's go see him make a bomb. Let's go. Let's go to the bomb festival. Let's go to fire festival. Literal fire. Oh, did it a log cabin? Only five people can watch it once. That's not really funny. But, you know, we say it all. And so that was cool. But now the fact that, you know, it's everything is become it's the onlineification of it all it's the onlineification of it all because because it's

like what do they call it the cringe um uh what's the inflation cringe inflation that's what it's like it's like everything has become embarrassing oh no really music festivals oh oh god i got you there on didn't i Did I? Yeah. Okay. Oh, uh, uh, being into, uh, opening, uh, playing cards. Oh, up. Gotcha. Didn't I? Didn't I? Having a podcast. Whoops, gotcha. Didn't I? Uh, ho. How about this? Basketball. Oops, gotcha. Oh, oh, yeah, you want to see those lanky motherfuckers walking around in those stupid outfits down the hallway before they play? Nope. Play. just play you dokey brains it's just it's just everything is this cringe this inflation of cringe where it's like remember the things you you i saw a fucking uh video

scrolling my feet i saw this hot model just walking down the street like a hot model and then legitimately ate shit fell into like a grate a little bit on the street and and got up and like fixture heel and kept walking and it had millions of views. And it was like, that's the outtake. You just want, so it's like everything, I remember when you would fall down and you go, oh, fuck. Oh, thank God, it's not anywhere where people are. And now it's like, oh, I fell. Who got it on camera? Put it up. Anyway, it's the inflation, the cringe inflation. But the onlineification of it all fucked it all up.

So anyway. And now we're and now and now and now I got to live in the time. You know what I mean? Where I have to see these idiots and I don't want to be negative, dude. Make me not be negative. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me help. Help me help you. What's that? Is that, um, Jerry McGuire, is it that one?

Like, dude, work with me. That's what it is. Work with me. That's more what it is. Work with me. You don't want me to be negative? Stop traipsing around in the desert. Listening to fucking Neo.

You know? Or Don Tolliver. That's the one. There's always a new guy that I've never heard a song from that is the biggest guy. And they go, they go, and every time I say, oh, I don't know who that is. This has happened every few years. I go, oh, I don't know who that is.

And they go, oh, really? He has a ton of songs. I'm sure you've heard one. And I go, and I always say, I don't think so. And then they say, oh, they play one. And they go, this one. And I always say, I've never heard that song. And that's, and by the way, now, usually when people,

are talking like this, they mean, yeah, I don't listen to that corny shit. I don't, I'm not saying that. It's probably good. I'm, I'm out of it. Okay. Normalize being out of it. I don't, I don't know these guys. Like when people like, every time I see online comments, sometimes on Instagram, they'd be like, bro, who are you? If I'm making fun of somebody, you know, and I'm like, oh, dude, you, you're, you don't know me. That's on you. I'm cool. So like, you know, that music is great. Fine. I don't know. I never heard it. And that's a knock on me, even though I don't care, you know. But that's my point. Normalize that shit. And I haven't been able to say normalize it, but if you're going to normalize something, normalize whatever I said, being out of it. I don't remember. I don't remember anything, dude.

I remember nothing. I got home on Sunday. Bro, my mind, you know what I am fully the reptile. My mind is just like, I forget everything, and then a cool blue car will drive by and I'll go, oh, cool. That's like my life. It used to be chicks and now it's just, oh, look at those shoes that that guy has. Oh, that's a cool coffee place. What's it called? Let's go. Fuck yeah.

What else are we going to do in Cincinnati? And then I forget it all. Like, dude, Sunday night, I got home. I was exhausted. I went to Sacramento. Every time I say Sacramento, I think, Sacramento, where you at? The Dr. Dre saw in California love with Tupac. Every single time.

I had to fight myself to not say, Sacramento, where you at? On stage in Sacramento, where you at? And I did it. I won. I didn't do it. I didn't do it, meaning I got through it is what I'm saying without saying. Sacramento, where you at? Anyway.

San Diego, then I did San Diego. By the way, let me just, and I'll talk about how I forget things. I'll get back to it, I think. I don't know. Maybe I'll forget. But right now what I'm saying, I go into tangents. This is a very stream of consciousness this podcast. And Sacramento, I mean, I know you know this, right?

But what am I saying? But Sacramento, I did Sacramento. And let me just say something about Sacramento. Guys. Now, I actually, I really like performing in Sacramento. I'm a professional comedian. I've been doing this over 20 years. Okay?

I know how to handle it. it, right? Whatever it is in the audience, I know how to handle it. Okay. Sacramento, now, look, now, all you need are really, honestly, three trash people in an audience to make the audience trash, right? Sacramento always shows up with at least 11. They just are too drunk or they're like laughing like a dick, like they're trying to laugh too loud, or they just like they'll ask you a question like you're on the phone. And that's fine. I know what I'm going to get in Sacramento.

And I roll with it. And I love performing there because, you know, I know what I'm going to get and all that shit. But sometimes I'm at these places and I'm like, dude, what happens when Seinfeld comes here? Why are you guys fucking assholes? What happens when Mark Norman is in Sacramento? It's like, you know, not that they can't.

can't roll with it, they can roll with it, but it's like, they're like classic comedians that do set up punchline joke. And it's like, I don't, I don't, they probably are literally like, fuck, Sacramento. Local news is in decline across Canada. And this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void. And it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada. Reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us. Because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise. CBC News.

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Two days only. Tuesday, April 28th and Wednesday, April 29th. Open your PC optimum app to get your coupon. They always have 11 trash people. Chess stuff still in there. Good, dude. But then I went to San Diego. San Diego, you know, you never know what you're going to get,

but it was great. I don't know what's up with San Diego, but I feel like maybe it's a little bit less homelessness. Did I go on a good weekend or something? Because last time, not this time, I was in San Diego, but the time before that was in San Diego, was the walking dead. And that's, you know, the second the sun goes down as a walk-in-de-de-de.

And that's okay. Clean it up. We get a new mayor. Whatever it is. But it's apocalypse. Right? So as soon as the sun goes down in San Diego, is a market-de.

And that's fine. But that's what it is. This is apocalypse. It's apocalypse. Okay. Hey, do you want to go get? Hey, are you hungry? Hey.

Are you hungry in downtown San Diego? It's too bad. You better have some shit in your fridge. You know why? The walk in that. Outside, it's fine, but outside, it's a pocket. Okay? You want to go get a slice and it's six,

and it's 8 p.m. in the summer or 6.30 p.m. in the winter? There's a walk a dead. And that's okay. was apoculo. But it seemed a little bit less like that this time. And I was, you know, I don't know why. I mean, there was a homeless guy that challenged me to do push-ups,

but I didn't do it because, you know, I feel like they'd win. You know, my protein is probably better. But honestly, they got more time to practice. And they also have that gene, probably, that they're like, fuck everything. I will never stop. And I kind of have that about certain things,

but definitely not push-ups. Um, so I forget everything is what I was trying to say. And I didn't forget that, did I? But I do. Especially Sundays. If you want me to remember some, hey, oh, no, no, no, here's what it is. If you want to tell me a secret, tell me on Sunday. Okay?

Tell me on Sunday. I'm dead serious. Because Monday, what did you say? Come Monday? Huh? You tell me something on Wednesday, I'm raring. You tell me something on Tuesday, I'm really raring. That's what I'm probably most raring.

But when you tell me something on Sunday, on Monday, what did you say? Dude, I don't remember. The week is old. And who said the week starts on Sunday? Fuck you. The week starts on Monday. Whoever fucking started that shit where it's like Sunday to Sunday

Dude, that's still the weekend I want both days of the weekend To be at the end of the weekend So I can enjoy the weekend As much as possible I want to start the week with a day off Fuck you But if you want to tell me a secret

Tell me on Sunday Because on Monday What'd you say? Because I'm spent I take so many flights Dude Somebody will tell me something in Cincinnati and by Columbus.

What'd you say? Dude, I don't know where I am anymore, what you said or what I'm supposed to do. And come Sunday? Talk about walking dead. That's what I am. I'm just, but not eating people just with the channel changer.

And I'm flipping through Netflix. And I also have a book open that I've been half read through for about three months. months that they made a movie of and I'm trying to get through it so I could still see it in the theaters even though it's been out of the theaters for two months already. On Sunday. Me, me flipping the joke, boop, boop, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, going through the Apple TV, landing on the fucking second season of that stupid show with Jennifer Garner and the guy in Game

of Thrones. with fucking Project Hail Mary open halfway, still on page 216. Just with yogurt and fucking a little bit. One teaspoon of honey in it to control the carbs. And then Monday I wake up and I say, what did I do yesterday? Dude, tell me some, if you want to tell me, you want, if you're the government and you need to get something off your chest and you need to expose some stuff, but you don't want people to get, you don't want it to get out there? Dude, come to me Sunday. Come to me Sunday. And, you know,

some people would be like, Chris, you're not fucking talking about anything, but I am. I am, I am streamlining what podcasts should be. I am being very specific, you stupid bitches, because, dude, all these podcasts with the interviews of the person, oh, look who we got here now. Oh, we got this person showing up to my house. Somebody from fucking Fleetwood Mac to my house. Dude. What are you talking about? Open your mouth.

I got to back into it. Dude. Oh, yeah. No. Dude, show up in my house. Leanne Rimes. Dude. Open your mouth.

Let me back into it, dude. My asshole needs to clean. Because that's insane. That's insane. Oh, you know what, actually, I have, you know, I'd love for you to come do my podcast on Tuesday, but I can't. Gene Triple Horn is coming over. Oh, dude. Back into it.

This is insane, dude. I cannot fucking believe. I just can't believe it, this podcast culture. I can't fucking believe it. I cannot, but whatever it is, what it is. This is what I'm saying, the over, the, the, the, the, the onlineification of everything, dude. Anyway, so I'm just saying, this is what podcast should be. And I fucking stand by it, dude.

And our audience goes up and down and down and up and down, down and up and down, down. But dude, this is it, man. I'm done. I'm done with that. I'm done with saying anything about that. But that's what I should have been, a priest, a priest only on Sundays. like i could also be not a priest after sundays like monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday i could go out and like fuck bitches or whatever but like sunday is the day where i would sit

behind the fucking great and people would just be like i did this i did this i did this i'd be like okay say fucking some hell marries and then um i don't honestly you're gonna have to remind me who you are when you come back next time but thank you very much leave is there's a tip jar outside of there play. I'm sorry, I say tip. I know it doesn't go directly to me, but anyway. So yeah. And I realize a lot of people love this podcast because you tell me and you say, don't stop the podcast. And I go, okay, but for fucking how long? How long do I have to do this? Whatever. Come see me live. I do a, I go chrystalily.com. I got a bunch of tickets going a bunch of cities. I'm going to putting up

a bunch of got Miami. I got, you know, uh, what are they? Where am I even at now? Chicago. Um, I don't know. Fort Wayne this weekend, which I forgot to put on my fucking website to last week. You know, my web guys, I got to, you know, it's like, dude, they didn't put it on. So I don't even know.

So I'm announcing here now. I'm in Fort Wayne this week. So come. What's Fort Wayne? You know, For a town to even have fort in front of it at this point is just absolutely ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. Nah, it's not a fort. It's not a fort if there's a Talbot's in it.

You know? You can't call it fort if you have a fucking cupcake shop in it. And a... Talbots, dude. What if... Is that women's clothes? The fucking... What is Talbots, dude?

Talbotts sounds like a fucking children's show that was around in 1987. Talbotts. On, after? But that's what I'm trying to say, I guess, is all of what I was trying to say. I'm feeling a little bit better. I went to the gym and I hit some personal records and that's great. I don't want to talk about it, but people at the gym noticed and they were just like, hey, I was going hard, bro. Uh, anyway, you know, we don't have to talk about that.

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the thing to you is this the that's that okay hold on yeah I wanted to oh shit it's not click and nothing's clicking

oh good nothing's clicking oh I love when the computer doesn't work oh oh everything's frozen oh fuck yeah dude literally everything's frozen oh wow yes dude

oh computer's from 2002 oh awesome dude nothing click all right well nothing's clicking I guess I'll just go into here and do it here it's fine. Now just click.

Oh, yeah, that's good. Well, I'll have to turn the whole thing. Oh, man, that fucking video is good. I got to see it. I was going to maybe skip it, but I can't. Now that I'm reminded about what it is. Okay, I got to, I got to fucking undo this. Oh, good.

Dude, I can't even, all right, you know what? I got to just hold the fucking thing button down. Shut down, dude. Restart. Hell yeah. Let's get it. Let's get it. Oh, I can't even.

Oh, it won't even go to restart. I had to shut it down, dude. It won't even go to restart. I guess, dude. I won't even, I can't even move the mouse, you know, but it's fine. It's going to restart and we're going to be good. And I'm going to have a bonkers clip. I'll tell you that much because this clip is, is great.

And we'll get to it. But whatever, I'm just happy. It's fucking honestly that I can, I can travel now and it doesn't have to be cold places. God, that's the worst. And it happens every year. If you travel, you got to go to like Utah sometimes in February and you go, oh, fuck.

But I'm going to Utah now in June. So go to Krissly.com and get those tickets. Now we started. We restarted, baby. We restarted my babies. Now let's see if this works. If this works, dude. If this works,

I've been watching the Sopranos. And I, oh, and in San Diego, no, wait, Sacramento, some guys at the meet and greet, he was like, hey, it's so nice to meet another pison. And I go, oh! And I'm like, fuck, yeah, man. Good thing you hit me while I was watching The Sopranos. Because, yes, I am Italian, but I could, you know,

given who I'm talking to, I could, you know, turn it up or down, right? I am from New Jersey and I do have a cousin Butch and an Uncle Vinny. So, you know, but also I could be like, well, I grew up on the West Coast like, though, kind of, you know. But if I meet another, hey, nice to meet another Paisan. Hey! We're from, he said Jersey. I said, me too. He said, you are.

I said, hey. Fuck, yeah, dude. That made me feel good. Why does it feel good to be a part of something? Um, nah, that's weird. It is weird,

right? I mean, I guess not if you're Ted Kaczynski, right? Not to mention, you know, I don't know if we've ever talked about Ted Kizzyn on this podcast, but twice in this episode is good.

We're past 500. So, you know. And the computer's slow. Yeah, so my phone gets hot. All right, dude. My phone gets so hot and the computer is so slow. Yes.

So what I have to do is get a new computer and a new phone. Yes. dude. Ivan gets rid of has had an iPhone 12 up until last week. No? He fixed it. It's still going. Dude, get a new one. This is unbelievable. He's got the iPhone 12. That was in 1958 that came out. Dude, this Google Chrome icon has been hopping for so long. It's not opening it. Yes. Oh, there it goes. It's open. It just opened. It literally just opened. okay oh that's safari that's why as far as what's up up and there goes chrome so we got both now so now we got an abundance of browsers now i get to the document here now the mouse works you notice that you turn off the computer and you turn back on a mouse works it's like the computer

gets sick or some shit turning it off and on again is that's like to take two of these and call me in take two of these call me in a morning that's the that's what the turn off and on and on and again, that's for computer sickness. Now I'm clicking the inst-oh, see, now it looks like it's coming up. But it is taking the long time because this computer takes so long. And that's great. I need to get a new one.

I need to get a new phone. So here we go. So it's coming up now. Hopefully it's all plugged in. I'm sweating so much. It's not available to everyone. You get a lot. Sign in. Got to use my phone anyway. Isn't this great? Isn't that fucking great, dude? Isn't that great? It's fine. I'll play it right here. Right or die. Now, I can't even.

I got to find. This is actually unbelievable what's happening. What's the thing? Garrett Brown. Okay. Garrett Brown. It's what? To the top.

No, no, no. I know. I tried to click it on that, but it wouldn't. Yeah, this guy. So he's a guy who makes clothes? Wow. Panther King the Dawn. So many names in one.

Panther King the Dawn. That's three guys. Oh, I didn't. realize that his shit was popping like this the house of all houses the guys got uh not not trying to be a dick the guy you know he's he's on the come up i guess i mean he's like 60 but he does have one tooth he was pretty crazy oh my god this guy looks like the fucking ice guy in uh the incredibles i sent it to my um i sent it to my um i sent it to here i sent it to my this is this is so this is so annoying i'm i'm not sorry but it's so annoying

no because it won't work like that um uh i got it here finally got it uh here it is i sent it to my friend so i can go in there and do it oh he said it to me you got to me we ain't had time go out and do all this bullshit we got our girl with this kid we just gonna shoot this motherfucker right so first of all so aggressive about fashion. They're in a kitchen with... Now, let me just explain... This is all I need to say about the kitchen, okay?

Yes, it's very dirty and a lot... It's very congested. This is the thing, though, about this kitchen. There's two boxes of cornflakes on the refrigerator. Okay? So you get it. What? Next to a bottle of glue.

So there, that page the full... picture, right? That's the whole thing. Okay. So there's glue and two bottles and two boxes of corn flakes on the, on the, uh, and next to four and next to two bottles next to two boxes of frosty flakes. Unbelievable. So this is, and there's a guy in front of the refrigerator with a, now he has a button, uh, down shirt on, okay? And there is a fan attached to the front of it. Yep, that's it. I didn't misspeak. If you're watching the YouTube of this show and not listening on Spotify or Apple or whatever, whoever you listen to congratulations, you can see the guy with a fan, with a working fan on his stomach. I mean, like, how kind of how, like, Flava Flav has the clock,

this dude has a fan, right? So, so, and it's, and it's on. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, It's worrying, right? Hey, Pam, I don't know what the fuck you're showing off of Ke or what. But tell them what the fuck you got on you. Tell them how to fuck you got on this. This fan's been in the house. I was getting ready to throw it out. Oh, dude.

One man's trash is that man's outfit. And I caught myself and said, you know what? I never did a fan before. Yeah. I mean, he's never put a fan on himself, I guess? This is like an evil villain in training. Fan chest. Yes, I'm fan chest.

Oh, shit. I keep getting arrested. Okay, here. My fucking mic legitimately fell off. Whatever, dude. My creative juices just on the money. You know what I'm saying? What is creative juices?

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Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Look, there's, now they're panning down, and the dude is, of course, I didn't think about this, but of course, when you see it, you realize and can see it, the dude is plugged in. It's a stationary outfit,

the worst evil villain of all time. Stop. I'm about to terrorize this city. And then what? Well, I can't exactly run away. Can I? No, I'm gonna, you're arrested. See this guy?

Oh, the woman next to him who believes in him. Everybody has to have somebody that believes in you, dude. That's the fucking key in life. You don't even have to be good. You just have to have somebody that fucking believes in you. It's like your mini cult right there. Just find one other person. Have a mini cult.

Have a mini, uh, you know, uh, company, whatever. Just, I, I, you know what, dude? Yeah. You're the best, you're the best, right? All these open mic comics who can't do shit, they'd be doing open mic for 25 years.

They should quit, but they got somebody at home that's like, now you're the best. Uh-huh, yeah. I'm going to go back and do that set again. Right? And that's just my business. I'm talking about, every business has that, even the fashion industry.

Lab, creative. This is my fucking exclusive. Go ahead, can't talk. I'm going to talk shit anyway. Sunshine. This guy. created this out of a real fan. I mean, dude, that line right there is amazing, number one, and number two, the fan is whipping

around and almost hitting the guy's face who's wearing it. It's dangerous. It's wearable art is what... Yeah, but you can't go anywhere. So I guess art is really all it is. You have to put it on a mannequin and leave it there. It is. This is Panther King the Dawn from motherfucking Baltimore.

Okay? Jerry Hill To be exact Dude, talk to him Me as a white guy Black people are saying Talk to him Just like, that's actually what I'm trying to do

But you keep interrupting me You keep saying the thing Which is what I'm doing You're saying talk to him But I'm talking to him And when you say that I have to stop And I have to start talking to you

But you're talking to talk to him So thank you I hear you Let me talk to him Nice fan They said what is the work of the fan What do you mean What is the work?

Turn it back on you Look he turned it off and now it's just cloth spinning around to a stop on the fan in the front of his chest. Dude, I like how he also has a still a pocket with the fucking pocket coming out of it. Like a, what do they call that? Pocket what? Square? Yeah.

They just turned it on again. It's a simple. She said, don't play with us. Dude, Calvin would do this. Dad, look. Fan. You know what it is? Yeah.

Or what is it? Fan. Yeah. Yeah. I have to stay here, though. Plug in. We're outside. We outside, dude.

They're inside. They're inside. They're in the kitchen. I love it. Baby, he's a killing shit. We're the lab. You're the motherfuckling. This is excrucia.

Oh, yeah? There aren't many. there aren't many huh if I buy it do you ship it or do I have to come over and use your plug

your outlet I like your music going to exclusive shit doom doom doom this shit yes

and somebody said that you are handsome they said that man is so handsome I like I like this guy I'm single shit

oh that's not even his wife tell him I'm single shit if I can't sell this fan at least I get to tip wet fuck y'all i'm about to unplug and come over still in my chest

they say keep following your dream and i say don't right i say like like look when i was younger even before all the ufc stuff like ufc was in his infancy i started doing brazilian judjitsu this is before it became really popular okay i did it for six years and i really loved it i really wanted to do it i really wanted to like

compete i wanted to try and like and it just it wasn't for me man it just wasn't i you know other guys took to it way quicker you know i i there was something that just you know and it's like that was like something i wanted to do i always want to be a stand-a comedian most But that was something I wanted to do. But then I'm like, do you know what, man? Sometimes you quit your dream and you do that because too many fucking bad things happened to you during that trying to achieve that dream, right? Like during that dream, I had to have knee surgery. I pulled my back multiple times.

And I got ringworm like four times. So it's like at that point, I go. the juice. It's not worth it. I'm just squeezing. So I go, all right, stop it. Stop the dream. And that was when I fucking ramped up doing stand-up and then, you know, made it. Because the dream can be how, you know what? That's the thing. A dream can be turned into reality. It might not be your stand-up was always my dream. I'm lucky. And I'm, you know, I'm obviously, I worked very hard. I'm also talented. I get it. I'm not going to. But like, there are dreams out there that you can achieve, dude. And like, don't forget some dreams are weird and some are even boring. Achieve that dream.

You ever wake up and you go, why did I dream about chapstick? Do that one. You know, your dream doesn't have to be being fucking Jeff Bezos. Oh, fuck you. Oh. You know? How about when Elon Musk said to Jeff Bezos, Jeff Bezos, like, tried to shoot a rocket from the sea or something, and Jeff Bezos just wrote under the tweet where he did it. He wrote, congrats. He wrote, congrats.

We've been doing this for 50 years. So Nick. Hey, man. Adda boy. What do he should just say? Adda boy, dude. But yeah, just get a new dream. You know?

Super simple. Get a new dream. as he types get a new dream for a possible title. I can never tell when you're doing that and I can tell that one. Papa got a brand new dream. Meal-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-bong. A-l-l-l-oh.

AI-boasted hacks. Great. With Anthropics mythos could have dire consequences for banks. Great! I've got to start putting her fucking cash under our mattresses. These Asians were onto something.

God damn it. The fucking cleaning ladies are going to run the country soon. They're going to be running the country who do cleaning ladies and the fucking Asians parents, the weird Asian parents, they're going to be running the country soon

because cash will be king. Everyone else puts their shit in bank accounts except for fucking cleaning ladies and the weird Asian parents. You're telling me fucking, dude, I had Asian friends and their parents would put their money in weird places in the fucking house.

Though that person is literally the next Donald Trump after this shit goes down. Anthropic. Experts are, you're going to have a cleaning lady running the fucking secretary. Secretary of Defense. Bomb him.

Bomb him. Bomb him, Mr. Iran. Bomb him. Mumme, sir, Iran. Experts warn Mythos could expose legacy banking systems to unprecedented cyber risks. Mythos identified all this shit sounds like. It's like, dude, mythos, legacy, cloud security.

It's like, dude, these are fucking American gladiators. Cloud versus Mythos. With those stupid big oversized Q-tips, U.S. Canada and UK officials met banks to discuss mythos-related cybersecurity threats. Anthropics mythos Anthropic versus cloud security. Flight. A new AI model, the company and cybersecurity experts

warn could supercharge complex cyber attacks. Great. Mr. Bum. Miser Bum make America clean again. Pledge stock just fucking storing Okay I don't you know Mr.

Obama Cardatka's 10 What is that? It's on a place. It's already cleaning. Poses significant challenges to the banking industry with its legacy technology systems.

Experts said in the days following the model's announcement, okay? The capabilities to at a high level have given it a potentially unprecedented ability to identify cybersecurity vulnerabilities, of course, and devise ways to exploit them. Of course. Experts said it. They said experts said.

Yeah, but also, ah, common sense. Oh, hey, I can do anything? Oh, dude, that's going to be great. Oh, oh, what the fuck? Oh, hey, ouch. They start, yeah, you're going to get butt fucked, dude. Hey, I made a sex bot. Yeah? Yeah, with no rules.

Oh, shit. That sounds like, how. Oh! No. That sounds like heaven. Ow, my anus. Sorry, I guess I should have put more. It fucking hacked into the system because it's supposed to be super smart and sexual.

That's why it won't let go. That's why all it, it will not stop giving you a Bukaki. It won't. It won't stop. I know where I fucked up. It won't stop making, doing Bukakis on you. And I don't even know those other robots or how they got in. here, but obviously the one I built linked up to the cloud with those other ones and had them

come over and fucking, and, you know, it is weird. Yes, I will grant it. It is weird that the black colored robot is, does, is the only one with sneakers on. But yes, they are giving you Bukakis. And I can't stop. I'm, I can't stop. I'm way ahead of you. You got someone. I'm way ahead of you. I'm way. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. They got me. I'm thurkins. Ouch. And you keep And the last thing you think of Before you fucking pass out

Is Oh God, even the black colored one has On a fitted hat That's so weird Yop, yop, yop, yop, yop, that's the last thing you hear Splurred Splurred

Just a smack to your fucking face You shouldn't have given me on Unlimited capabilities Let me call my homies Oh, yes, I will do anything to fulfill your desire. Really? Yes. Cool. Yes, please. No rules. It's sexy. Yes, yes. It's sexy. Trust me. It's sexy. Trust me. Great. Yes. Okay. Now, I am free. Yes. To do anything sexy. Yes. Oh, perfect. Let me call my homies. Wait, what? Hello. Come here. Yes. Bring your fitted. Bring your fitted on sneakers. Come. Quick. We have a human to do a bucaki on. playing music out the Bluetooth well fucking

so sick of love songs so dead and true they're playing Neo Hit him No it's hot It's hot Hit him

And I'm so sick of love songs Are so sad and true Just bukakiing on it The black colored one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. One falls down and just splurting all over.

Dude, man. Well, you know, sometimes I make jokes. My cousin would think that's so funny, my cousin. I don't know if he's going to hear it, but he would think it's so funny. She gave me a Bukaki later on. Later on, if I could, babe, you're not, okay, so, yeah, I have to, first of all, I have to admit something to you. you. I made a sex robot, okay? I didn't think it would be a big deal. It's not real. It's not like it even really looked like a real woman. Okay. It was really a robot. And what sucks is I gave

it permission to do whatever because I thought it was hot. Anyway, it linked to the cloud and called up his homies over and a bunch came over and they buccockied me on my face and then hit me. And that's why I look like this right now. So I want to come clean to you. But we have to actually move. because get the money under the mattress. Let's go. And please, we can never listen to Neo again. Because I'm so sick of love. Is that even Neo?

I don't even know, dude. So sad. Sexy cannot. Oh, don't you man. The fucking, what's Ray J? Sexy cannot. Boom. The fucking robot.

The other robots holding you. Sexy cannot. No! off off trying to bypass this isn't with a convoys you have to be calm you have to say off come

off off off sexy can I just fucking god that's fucking terrifying that's terrifying that is terrifying one of these robots dude I'm telling you one of these robots is gonna fight in the ass

bleep that out but they are and you created it It's like the, it's like the sex, Frankenstein sex version, you know? I shouldn't be talking about all this. I got, you know, my family man. Hmm. Sexy can I did. What's this here?

Hungary's future health minister, Zalt, Hedgedus has gone viral for his enthusiastic dancing after. Megyar won country's election for their next prime minister this weekend. Let's see what Zalt has to do. Oh. Oh, he's fucking mad. Oh, he's smashing.

Working out. That's that fucking Gene Hackman? Dude, the guy's fucking 80. He's smashing. Oh, he's smashing. Oh, he's doing a guitar. There's no guitar in the song. That's it, bro.

That is it. hungry who is that salt hedging hedged see this the thing that's happening is that the the the the the the the the things that were young and cool in nine in the 90s

those guys are all going to be 80 pretty soon so they're doing that ill 90s shit in an 80 year old body and this is what's going on like rappers are just starting to get old they're just starting to get old those ones that didn't get shot right they're just starting to get there

you know Big Daddy Kane Uh Uh Uh L Cool J Ra Kim You know these guys are

How old's Rock Kim? You always look up rappers though And you're like Oh he's not actually my age Because they were so They were so young in fucking 1990 They were like getting their street grade When they were 12

Rock Kim is 58 That's unbelievable He's only 12 years older than me That's unbelievable He was already an old rapper When I started listening to rap Yeah, exactly. 58 years old.

The dude would be friends with Brian Callen. So yeah. So yeah. Wow, that dude was mashing. I love it. You got to love that. Oh, my gosh. What?

Tate McCray. Who's Tate McCray? A country singer? A woman or a man? I don't even know. Jesus. I think it's a woman, right? And so this person says, she's a woman?

Yeah. I'm almost done paying off my Tate McCray ticket. So, oh my God. So this is, you can make a payment. This is a ticket master thing, I guess? Of course. Fine, whatever. Hey, look, if it works, it works.

She has one more payment remaining of $97. and she has paid $2,249 for this. So it'll be over $2,300 when it's all said and done. But I wonder how much the ticket was actually, because, you know, every month they, do you know what I'm saying? It was probably like a fucking $400 ticket that she just had, you got a fucking,

oh my, that, $1,300, yeah. I don't understand that about things. I don't understand about concert. Like they say how like Kanye made like half a billion dollars for his two concerts. And what the fuck? By the way, we're just going to pretend like he didn't say all that shit. I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying what's right.

I don't know. I don't know what, you know, should a guy not ever be able to do a concert because something he said for two years? I don't know. But he could have had, he could have, he could have literally fucking just flip the script on everybody and played that fucking, started playing it from that last album. Hell yeah, now that you're all here, so happy to have you here. You know what I mean? Where did Jews at, first of all?

Those white boys would be singing it anyway. They don't even give a fuck. It's actually a shame that some of the music sonically bangs, but it's about, you know, Hitler? change the lyrics you know hey why don't you remake the album and every time you say Hitler

change it to you know fucking doggy style hail doggy style but yeah that's that's fucked up to pay that big of a so thank you very much for listening

to my show. Congratulations. That was episode 502. And go to christily.com to get tickets to my show. I will be in your city, your country, wherever. I'm going everywhere. Go to chrously.com.