Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 505. Goblin Pilled

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris wonders why everyone in charge of the world is such a dork. Plus AIs acting strange, biohacker Bryan Johnson gets gross, and we see what's inside Jose's lunchbox. 🎰 Legendz Social Casino and Sportsbook. 100% match on your first purchase. (up to $100) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠legendz.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

runk. Oh, what's up guys? Welcome to episode 505 of congratulations. It is episode 505, and I'm going to be honest with you guys. Well, first of all, the whole, the whole family got sick, but guess who skated out of it? Dude. Whole family got sick. They're all better now, but, you know, and then I go like this. You ever go like this? You go, oh, my whole family's sick, but I didn't get sick. But, then you go, wait a minute, was I the first one to get sick? Because I might have been now that I think about it. I might have given it to literally everybody. But I'm okay. We're okay. We're all good now. And that is what the news is really in the health department here.

I'm going to be in San Jose coming up. I'm going to be in Miami. I'm going to be in, I got a lot of dates coming up. go to chrisley.com and um i messed up with this thing god dang it um and uh you can go check out i'll be in uh what this this next weekend i'm going to be in canada vancouver yeah kind of westminster new westminster uh campbell river river nashville is coming up uh and las vegas salt lake city utah go get tickets chrisley dot com and then i'm going to be headlining in portugal the of the, what do you call it, the Portugal comedy festival.

You know, I had a dream last night now that I'm thinking about it because I'm trying to like, because I just, here's the real truth. I had a nap, okay? I was in the Chicago area. I did shows this past weekend in Chicago, came back, you know, and played with the kids, did some stuff, took having to have in school, did worked out, did a, my life. leg day, forget it. And then just, you know,

a bunch of personal records just blew past them. And then I came home and I just go, let me just lay down on the couch, blink, wake up. Oh, my producers are here and they've been here for a half an hour. So now I'm recording. I'm doing this

post nap recording, but I just am doing this thing where I nap, but because I'm trying, I'm happy about how I napped because I cleared the last time when I slept, which was last night, and I woke up and I had a dream and the only thing I can remember in the dream, this is very kind of meta, but the only thing I can remember in the dream is that I can't,

I couldn't remember anything. That was the dream. I kept going, wait, what was it? I can't remember and my brain wasn't working. Okay. So fine. So I wake up and the whole day I'm thinking about, oh man, am I remembering everything okay today? Because the dream, you know, it's like when you, if you're walking around naked in, in, in, in your, at the park and then you go to the park and you're like, well, I was naked. Your last time it feels weird. I hope everybody realizes. You know, I hope nobody realizes about my penis. Even though your clothes are on.

You're still kind of, you live in that dream, right? or if you divulge some information to somebody and then you see them, you divulge some information to somebody in the dream and then you see them later and you're like, feel weird, a little bit exposed. That's how I feel with my brain though, because I'm now walking around

and I'm thinking, is my brain okay? Am I remembering everything okay? So then I went to the gym and I left the gym. And as I'm leaving the gym, this old man who is on the side, on like the sitting down on the side as you exit the gym he's on the phone and he's going

he's saying something this is the tone of what he's saying this is the tonality of how it sounds he goes oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so he's doing that right whatever it is and and I almost blurted out what I don't know what he was saying but I almost blurted out oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah like to him, like I have Tourette's or something, all right?

But I didn't. But it almost happened so hard that I got embarrassed where I'm like, did I actually do that or not? But I didn't. But then I go, there's my brain again, trying to mess with me ever since I woke up. And then the guy in the phone says, well, because I called because, you know, I got this brain tumor. And I just, I need to know if I have to have surgery or if it's, even worth it. And I'm like, okay, today was a wash. It was 12.30 and it was a wash. Because I can't be having all this stuff thinking about how my brain doesn't work. And then eavesdrop on this old man having a conversation very casually about how he might.

get this tumor out of his head. Yeah, I don't know if it's... So that was the thing, you know, I need to find out if it's worth it to get it removed or not. He was talking to somebody medical and I'm just like, oh, fuck, dude. It made me want to wake up all over again.

Wake up all over again. And I wanted to wake up all over again and then do the start the day again. But you can never do that. Unless you can hack the fucking, can you hack the simulation? No, but you can't ever do that. So whatever, man.

I've been trying to not be online as much because I realize that that probably affects my brain. It's been a big brain week for me because I haven't gotten enough sleep. And I feel like that's a great, that's a great, that's a, you know, that's just, I don't know, I don't know, man. I just, it's one of those things where I'm in one of those moods, man. and you can't

what are you going to do what are you going to do get out of it by trying to do stuff or you could just wait it out you know I'm just going to wait it out and it's like

you try to watch Sopranos last night I got two episodes left I couldn't stay awake and I ate 400 pretzels so do what do you want for me man I ate so many pretzels I'm a pretzely maniac man

and and and Calvin couldn't get to sleep last night he was like dad will you come lay with me i'm like all right but i'm bringing my pretzels and there i am just crunching pretzels as he's trying to sleep and he's like how can we eat pretzels i'm like i don't i love pretzels he's like yeah he said but i like him with hummus i go not me man i just like pretzels he's like huh i'm watching sopranos on my phone eating pretzels next to next to next to next to my son while people are getting whacked on my phone i'm just like dad life but uh yeah man I'm in it, dude.

Spirit Airlines, gone. Now it's the true Spirit Airlines. Now it's just a spirit. The spirit of Spirit Airlines. Of course. Spirit Airlines is gone. Of course it's gone. My flight to Chicago was fucking thousands of dollars.

That's too much. That was for United. Okay? and then everything is just too expensive. So one of the airlines, you got to go, dude. You got to go. You know, it's like, I know every generation goes, oh, man, when we were a kid, it was awesome.

And now it's screwed. And the next generation, what the hell is going to be happening? And I guess, because what the fuck? What are we going to do? You know, I'm not political. and I don't want to get political, but it's like, everybody's dying,

and all the flights are so fucking expensive. And so is food and stuff. But once AI catches up, that's the thing, dude. I feel like once AI catches up, and it gets past that point of, like, because I was thinking about how, like, you know, there's definitely a cure for cancer, right?

Like, this guy's on a phone with about the brain cumber. There's definitely a cure. But they're just not telling us because they want to use the medication. you know, pharmaceutical companies with the money and all that shit, they want to make money. But once AI becomes plentiful, AI is going to be like, what are you guys doing?

This is all wrong. You can cure this stuff. And then you can't shut that down if AI spreads, which it does, which it is spreading, and it's getting better and bigger. So pretty soon we're going to have cures for everything. And you can't keep it under wraps. No matter what the pharmaceutical companies want, right?

All our cars are going to be, you know, solar powered. I mean, just ask AI. A.A.A. is going to get past the point of no return? And everybody's going to be driving solar cars and 180 years old. And just, you know, I mean, you already look at the, like, you look at the women. They figured it out.

Do you see women that were 25 and ugly and now they're 45 and look fantastic and better? And you go, okay, okay. Remember in 1999 when like some lady would get her lips done and she'd look like a fucking darkwing duck? You're like, oh, it looks terrible. Fake butts looked like you sat on a bunch of mushrooms. And now it just looks fantastic. You got Asians out there. Asian women out there where it's like, that ass is nice.

Remember Asians just used to be like, Asian women used to not be like that. And now they're like that is what I'm saying. So it's all, you know what I mean? You can say, you know, say what you want, but it's, you know what I'm saying. This whole J.P. Morgan executive sex slag scandal is the stupidest thing. So it's all fake, I guess, is what they're saying now. This guy basically put a lawsuit that said,

hey, this lady at J.P. Morgan made me her sex slave. Okay. First of all, all right, you know, that, I, I, I, I, I, That's not right, okay? If it happened at a company, especially a company like J.P. Morgan, where everything's supposed to be on the level. You know what I mean?

It's not like this is a fucking pink taco or some shit, you know? Or like, it's just, J.P. Morgan is supposed to be, and of course every company is crooked, but it's supposed to be the most odd little level company, right? Because you hear about it a lot. So you go, okay, well, that company obviously is just a, company doing company things.

So if there's a lady out there making it, my thing is, if this guy made it up, which they're saying that is the case now, you know, to have the balls to say it happened for a woman to do this, first of all, is she even, was she bad? Was she like kind of hot? Because this guy wants his face.

came out, everyone was like, no, no, she didn't. They showed the dude and he just looked like, you know, they go, oh, no, not this guy. Like, why would she do it to this guy? And, you know, I understand you don't make fun of essay or whatever the fuck, but this whole thing is, if the whole thing makes zero sense, then when the company's doing an investigation on the thing, because the company did, they're like, yeah, we did an investigation and there's no merit

to it, of course, because this woman is a top earner, and this guy just seems like a fucking peon what all I know is that if the roles were reversed the dude would be out of a job no matter what um and the whole thing is crazy though she said she the whole idea of sex slave is pretty

pretty uh pretty wild the the the the the the the brian johnson guy is the guy to me I don't talk about this guy a lot because it's um i don't want to you know i just don't want to talk about this guy that that that is the he's the biohacker that says he's never going to die i just it's like dude okay you know you know he eats like fucking uh uh uh lentils and and and fucking keeps injecting himself with

things to help him live long and and it's like okay bro but i don't care dude also and i don't like you look he's like yeah you know look how i look i look i look great you don't look you don't look great dude you look like the guy from fucking star trek that fucking green guy you look like that guy you look like the guy in the in the in that you know what i'm talking about the dude who's on i don't know what his name is but he that's what he looks like bro. Go out get some son, man. Eat a fucking twigs. And then this guy, first of all, spells his name Brian with a why, which is like, dude, you're for, you're for sure not going to be the guy who doesn't die if you fucking spell Brian with a why. But Brian Johnson makes shocking reveal

about girlfriend's vagina, top 1%. Bro, these guys, you know, the people who are at the top top quote unquote. You know, it's like who run the world who are like, not that this guy is, but this guy's making headlines and this guy's talk about, he's like the number one biohacker. Okay. But like, why do these people have to be so fucking dorky, dude? And even if they're cool, they end up being dorky.

Like, to be honest, when Donald Trump was the guy who did the, the, the, your fired show, that was fine. He was kind of cool. and now he's just like, you know, doing, sending us to war, obviously a puppet, and was on an Epstein Island. Dude, these guys shouldn't be in control. None of them.

But then it's like maybe it's the control or the power that makes people do that. I don't know. But Brian Johnson has never shied away from sharing. This is from the New York Post, from the famed biohacker crossed a new Rubicon of TMI this week. The whole thing is TMI. He's bragging where he posted to his ex-followers,

just gave Kate oral sex, goodnight, everyone. That's disgusting, bro. If you're going to talk about giving oral sex, be hot. Don't look like the guy from fucking Star Trek who's green. Also, they've got to be crazy. Like, could you imagine if I did that? my wife would lose her fucking mind.

She'd say, you ruined my life. This is disgusting. And then he goes, and you know, I guess I'm the old guy, right? But so is he. Isn't he fucking 50? Two minutes after his initial post, presumably still in an afterglow, he doubled down by posting tolo's. Of course his fucking girlfriend's name is Tolo.

Vaginal microbiome report. It's disgusting, dude. Hey, don't, do I have to say this? I have to say this. Don't post your girlfriend's microbiome vaginal report. A hundred out of a hundred score, he writes. Top 1% of all vaginas. He bragged alongside a graph of her results.

Who's testing this? Him? Does he have a doctor? Does he just have a vagina doctor? there? Probably, right? Probably. Her sample is dominated by the single most protective bacterial species of vagina can host. Lactobacillus, Crispatus. Hey, guys, such a fucking dork, dude. And like, I got to, I got to, you know, it's like, and he's on, like, fucking podcasts? You could just listen to him? Like, I know he was on Theo's podcast. Did Theo, was

ever like, what the fuck did you do this for? I could never interview people. These people, dude. Only about 25 to 30% of reproductive age women globally are L. Cispedus dominant. And dominant usually means above 50%. Kate is 98%. He added.

All of this is disgusting. Tolo 30 is miraculously clear of health compromising A plus report card, he said. I just don't like, don't ever test my dick. you know i mean yeah i want to know if it has stuff it doesn't stds or whatever but like you know i didn't even have a fucking std test for 17 years and when i got that shit back i'm when my wife made me do it i was like i'll do it i did it and i go oh fuck i don't have anything i guess condoms work come on i want it to be like when the doctor called me like yeah no you're good

I want to be like, come on. Nothing? No, you know. Damn, dude, I stayed busy. You sure? If my prick had a mouth, dude, it would have just been all fucking decade long. And you're telling me nothing?

Anyway, this guy's a... I'm tired of these dorks, dude. A vaginal microbiome is downstream of everything. Sleep, glucose. Coast to control. Who fucking cares, dude? Who wants to know all this shit?

Even, even like, when I'm counting my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, I'm like, at the end of the day, I'm like, this is kind of fucking annoying. I do this. These motherfuckers are counting their girlfriends, macro biological, uh, vaginal, you know, what the fuck? Don't even know what it's called. Crispus.

Um, and look what she said. she said this about it the bacteria in saliva can not okay so she said I'm grateful I have a partner who takes my health his health and our health seriously the anti-aging mogul this is crazy who wants to declare himself an impossible partner well yeah that's for sure um

well that's the thing if you're gonna be with a guy like that you gotta be ultra crazy just an insane person 14 step longevity morning routine i do you know what i mean uh anti aging mogul mogle everyone is aging the same just dude benjamin buttons i don't even like it when i went to go get my corviva thing and they were like your actual health age is 42 i'm like i'm 46 dude don't give me something else to think about i'll just obsess about it and look at this the whole thing about this Brian Johnson thing is if you can't

the anti-aging mogul if you can't live forever at least he's like well he wants you to look good while you're here hey dude

does anybody think this guy looks good like where are the fucking you translucent are you do you see his face I mean dude he's 48 years old is he a doctor

he's not a doctor the son is this is shit they don't say shit like this the sun is definitely good for you and it feels great Johnson 48 said in an Instagram post too much of it at the wrong time can lead to all kinds of photo aging and even cancer

the fuck's photo aging is that one of those things that's just aging and I'm going to get pissed off because they put photo in front of it like microplastics yeah Just fucking, I don't know, man. I don't know. I ate fucking Twix, M&Ms.

This weekend I fell off, dude. I just go, I can't. I tried to work out, but I was just too tough. I was just, first of all, I was in Schaumburg, which is 30, 20 minutes outside of Chicago, unless there's traffic, then it's four hours. And so I was there. It's in the middle of, you don't walk anywhere. You're in a hotel.

You go nowhere. If you're in a hotel in Schaumburg, you stay there. There's a Capitol Grill that you could walk to maybe six blocks away. But it looks like it's right next to it. It's like Vegas when you're like, let's go check out another hotel. And you leave your hotel. And 25 minutes later, you're still at your hotel. And you're like, what the fuck?

Where is it? I still see it. It's still that same size. But you walk out of the Hyatt and Schaumburg. And you go, I went to meet friends at the Capitol Grill. Which, by the way, the steak is fucking crazy good there. And we went to this place in Arlington Heights where they live. And we went to brunch there.

And it was really good. It was called Scratchboard Kitchen. Yes, remembered it. Good. Fuck that. What you think the brain. Yeah, dude, that dream wasn't shit earlier. I know what's up.

Scratch for kitchen. Okay, cool. And then we ate there. The waiter was great. Then I met the same friend. This is crazy. I met the same friends at the Capitol Grill for dinner before the show. and the fucking waiter was the same waiter at Scratchboard Kitchen.

How about that? And he comes up and he says, hey, are you guys following me around? And I meet so many people. So I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Who is this person? And they were like, hey, it's a dude from Scratch Board Kitchen. I was like, oh, shit, really?

So I had two good meals and that guy was really a part of both of them, which was beautiful. But yeah, you don't walk. This is like, if you're going to go to, it was about, you know, I talked to Eric Griffin and, um, uh, uh, uh, Brendan Shob and they were like, yeah, you got to stay in Chicago, but I'm like, I don't want to drive during traffic hour. An hour and a half.

The club's great, though, man. Um, shout out to the Chicago improv, the Seanberg Improv. Um, sold it out. The weekend. It was great. Um, but yeah, back to this Brian Johnson guy. I just, I don't know, man, because I'm at the age where like when I open up the camera on my phone, I see myself. If it's front facing, I go, oh God.

You know, oh God. Like, I don't have jowls yet, but they're coming. I'm getting, I'm going to have jowls, dude. Like, I'm going to be, I'm going to fucking. That's so crazy, right? I saw a woman the other day at this coffee place in West Lake Village and she was like, Chris, and I was like, yep. And I go, okay, this is somebody who's going to say.

They know me from something. He said, I was roommates with Ryan. And I was like, Davis? And she was like, yes. I go, oh, my God. That was like 20 years ago. She was like, yeah, well, not 20 years ago, 2006. And then she says, wait, that was 20 years ago.

And I go, oh, yeah, dude, you've had a math. But what the fuck? I saw and her face was her same face as it used to be except older and you know she looked great whatever that's fine you know good for her and I'm not complaining with how I look I feel like I look okay you know I kind of wish I had more salt salt in my hair you know because I do in my beard but it'll come live it up all I can with the blackness um and uh and I'm like Yeah, but I just, I, I don't know. Like, my body's okay, dude.

I think I look, you know, maybe old, but I'm doing good. I got that, you know, I'm forget it with the fucking, I do hack squats, crazy. And it feels good, dude. And guess what, dude? I grunt hard at the gym. And I finally decided I don't give a shit. I don't do it every time.

And Kristen hates it. She would hate it. But I go even harder now. Because she goes like this. She went to the gym with me a few times. a while ago, and she's just like, you're loud. And I'm like, I'm not really that loud. Like, I'm definitely not loud when it comes to people at the gym.

But I get it, I'm her husband. So when I do it, I'm loud because she's like, wants everybody to just be like, copacetic. But now I go like this. I saw some guys say, hey, if you're not making fucking, if you're uncomfortable faces and noises at the gym, then you're not working hard enough. And I go, you know what? I'm going to fucking live by that.

and I was going, oh, today. So fuck you, dude. Hell yeah, man. I was going, like a race car, bro. I was switching gears, man. I get off and I do that. It's probably so sexy if you think I'm sexy. If you don't, it's disgusting.

That's the only difference between sexy and not is if you think someone's sexy, then it's fucking sexy. If it's not, if you don't, then it's fucking disgusting, dude. So, you know, it's like you're walking to all the people who do think that I'm sexy. But if you don't, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get my fucking leg bigger

and they're getting bigger, dude. Inches. Inches. You know, I don't know, man. Hey guys, I want to talk to you about Legends. Legends is sending one lucky winner to L.A. to catch USA versus Power Gweigh. live in the

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and sportsbook tons of games to play, things to spin, table games with live dealers, so everybody go get involved. It's Legends.com. That's Legends with a Z. Go check it out and peruse. Take advantage of the 100% match on your first purchase up to $100 and make sure to use code. Congrats when signing up. And remember, keep it legendary. I want to go get my blood tested to see if I'm, I got enough vitamin D, if I got enough to testosterone, if I got enough, whatever the hell. all those words and i i didn't have my insurance card and they go oh well we can't do without your

insurance card i said well yeah you can i can i can't i can't be two thousand dollars and i was like really she was like yeah and i was like well can i just pay for it and then retroactively bring my like i'll i'll either like call the company or whatever and she's like no that can't be done and i'm just like yeah it can dude yes it can what Why are there these stupid fucking cock sucking rules? Let me just call. Yeah. Oh, do people, do the people running the company have ears?

Yes? Oh, well, then they can hear on the phone. And do they have a phone number? Yes? Oh, cool. And wait a minute. I have a mouth. We can make it happen.

But it's, oh, no, you can't do that because of this. It's like, dude. So now, so I left without fucking getting my blood taken. And who knows. what fucking level of vitamin D I am. And now I gotta get, now I gotta fucking hear about this guy, Brian, what's his name?

Johnson's girlfriend's micro bio fucking fucking pussy juice. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking know. I gotta know her shit. I can't even know my shit. Oh, really? She's got great fucking 98% crispus

and I can't even fucking find out about my vitamin D? Fine. Okay, fine, fine. I get it. Yeah, there's rules and you need to go by the rules and I get it and I understand. And I didn't go by the rules.

Okay. for the insurance company, but it's just like, if I was in L.A., I would have just paid that shit. But I'm not. I'm not in L.A. proper. I'm in a suburb of L.A. and I can go home and fucking in five minutes and then get the shit and then come back.

If I did I do that? No, not yet, because I'm lazy. But I could because there's parking where I am. Because Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, all these big cities that, by the way, I don't hate. They're just on fire. literally. And too many homeless people are yelling at you when you're in the parking at Wrightead.

At Wright or Dwayne Reed, it's just too much. And I'm not saying that everybody needs to go live like a Unabomber, but it's like if you can afford to get a nice piece of land or a little, you know, what do you call it? Townhouse, even somewhere a little bit outside of the area. Do it, dude. People moving to Nashville. People moving to Austin. You're fucking it all up, dude. You really are.

you're doing it all wrong. I really think that. But whatever, if you had asked me six years ago, I wouldn't have thought that. But it's because COVID ruined everything. And now we have to listen to about a guy named fucking Brian Johnson's girlfriend's pussy, dude. And if you think that would have happened, if COVID didn't happen, then you're sorely mistaken and everyone would still be living in these cities,

and it would be beautiful. But one thing leads to another and everything gets fucked up. And it is what it is. How weird is it that I did a movie with Jaden Smith and his dad would produce it? Will Smith produced it. And I played a trans woman or man or whatever the fuck. I don't know. Some retarded shit.

I can't remember. But it was so funny because the director was like this guy that was Polish. I liked him a lot. and but people didn't understand when he was joking. And so they'd be like, he's kind of a dick, huh? And I'm like, no, you're a pussy. You're a pussy actor, actress, whatever. Get over yourself.

He's just, you know, who care? You know, I was thinking about this shit. Like, I was like, you know, when somebody, like, I don't like country music, okay? I have a lot of country friends, like country music friends that do country music. and I'll listen to their music and I understand, okay, people like this stuff

and I've heard it live, I've brought, you know, Kristen, I go, I have a good time. But it's never something I want to listen to in the car. Now, that being said, I'm not a big music guy. The last time I listened to music was maybe, I mean, I honestly listened to music maybe four times this year. It's May, okay? Like, genuinely.

I'm not trying to be cute, not trying to be cool. I just don't care to listen to music. If I have headphones on, I'm either listening to the show I'm watching on an iPad or nothing. Sometimes I just have headphones on. But I rarely have headphones on anyway. I am, I saw this, you know, I put on, I had on Instagram and the first thing that came up was this woman that just said, you know, it was a fairly attractive woman. And I don't think I was, I don't think I follow her, but it was just, she was in my algorithm. And the first thing she said was, I just hate men.

And then she went to go tell a story. And I saw and there were like 2,000,000, comments and a bunch of different likes. And I go, oh, this is just incendiary. And people are watching it because she said, I hate men and want to know why she hates men. Now, I don't know this lady. I think a lot of people don't know who this lady was.

It was just something that went viral. But I go, no, I'm not listening to that. And I swiped away. Because why the fuck do I give a shit? Why do I care? Why do I care? and then I go but the negative stuff is the stuff that you really

does it does draw you in if this woman said I love men I'd swipe out of it without a thought I don't care I don't hear why I'm good but I go she goes I hate men I go what the fuck is this asshole talking about I go oh wait I don't care swipe

you know and then it's like the algorithm just it plays on the stuff that we are insecure about and shit And it's like, I don't know. The internet's great because it destroyed, in a way, destroyed the tastemaker, right? It destroyed the people at the company that were like, oh, these people are funny. Like, you know, the head of Comedy Central, you know, can't be like, this person's actually funny.

If the internet is like, what the fuck? I don't care about their, I don't care about this person just because they fit the bill, you know? They're not funny to me. me. Now, the internet is vast and big enough that everyone can have a fan base. That's the truth. So that person does have their space. But they're not going to be prime time on anything, really, right? Like, even Netflix gives out specials to people that they're like, oh, this person might pop and nobody watches them. And then they fall to the wayside, and that's what it is. And it's because the taste maker or the people at the company that decide, who gets things, that doesn't really exist anymore because of the internet.

The internet goes, we like this person. But it only did that from like 2012 to 2018. Once the algorithm was like, oh, actually humans like this. And a lot of that was negativity. So now it just pushes the shit that you kind of, it's not even the stuff that you like. It's the stuff that might make you angry. It's the stuff that you might hate because you want to watch shit you hate sometimes,

a lot of the time, you know? It's like, dude, dating apps down south. You know, down south gets a rap for white dudes being racist. But dating apps, down south, there's a spike in white guys

staying longer on African-American women. Because, you know, that's what they actually really want. even though socially they're like, no, I would never date a black woman. They fucking look at them because they're, because that's what they want. So it's like, you don't even know what you really want. And so the algorithm is pumping you with stuff that you either secretly want or the train wreck thing. The thing that, oh, you can't turn your head away from it.

Like, oh, I hate men. And then let me tell you why, no, swipe out of that shit, dude. But yeah, from like 2012 to 2018, things were really humming, man. You know, Comedy Central was breaking down and YouTube was just like the fucking, who's the dude, the dude on, on that era of YouTube, the e-bombs world shit. The guy he would talk like this. Who's that? Undeniable or something. It was called unforgivable.

Remember that guy? he was a black dude and he was like yeah I took her to the you know he's in the woods you don't know what I'm talking about yeah what was it called unforgivable unforgiven

something like that I know so many people are listening right now they're like I know that but I don't I can't remember what's called but that era of YouTube dude yeah I fucking God what was it

on at the end he would say, unforgivable or something. No? Let me look here. YouTube. Yeah? That's it.

Hodge Stelensky? Hodge Stanson? Hodge Stanson. Hodge. This guy. Did this era? This was when things were really humming. What was it?

How many? Well, this was even before. that yeah but what else did this guy do yeah unforgivable there we go 25 million fucking views 19 years ago back when you couldn't parlay that you couldn't parlay this into anything you know what the Levine just today get some pants for me and my shths i was gonna fill him i ain't heard no money met a girl there trying on some skirts i was like what that smell like she's like I'm like, bitch, don't make me ask you again. Anyway, got her number.

The next day we went to chicken fillet, something pice in the mall. When I got that, I was like, bitch, for all these people I heard. She said, well, it's the mall. I was like, whatever, bitch. Give me a chicken sandwich and some waffle for us. Dude, this is so, this is so, wow. Look at the, the, the, um,

Warning, extreme profiting content, 18 and up. A woman, a young man recounts a day at the mall with a girl he found unacceptable. 25 million views. Just fantastic. That's wild. What's this guy doing now? There he is. There's this YouTube page.

Who's the white guy with him? Oh, so he put out a new video a year ago. That's, yeah, that's, you know, they put out a video a year ago about the future of the channel and then no videos since. So they were fucking just drank a bunch of coffee that day and we're like, you know what we gotta do? But yeah. Anyway, dude, my back hurts, but it's fine.

I'm gonna work out my back tomorrow because it hurts because my body's not in control of me. I am. Check out this guy is lunchbox. This guy is a guy that I honestly like I don't know if he's

I don't know his IQ level at all, but I would believe he believes whatever he says 100%. Like, this guy never lies. This is the side of my lunchbox. Look. Look. And look what are everything I got inside. So this guy is basically just doing this video about his lunchbox for no reason, I guess. And that's fantastic.

And I got my Chimichangas. My wife makes it for me. today because she loves me she loves me i'm a good person so she she know that so that's why she makes me oh so beautiful honestly that makes me emotional this guy deserves everything at least it looks like it right but like he could be a motherfucker but i'm just saying how he seems i got a note okay i hope you have a better day today my amor i love you i love you too chapara i hope a better day today I hope a very day. I can believe it.

Squared. You know it's Friday, right? The fact, and you know, when I see this, I go, the guy loves that he gets a squirt as a drink. First of all, squirt is awful, okay? Just period. It's just bad. Okay? Now, that's fine. You could still like it. That's just my taste. All right? You can like squirt,

but any soda that you like, like, Like take the number one soda you like, okay? To be excited about getting that is beautiful. And sometimes I'm like annoyed at certain things. And then I see a video like this and I'm like, oh man, I got to recalibrate, bro. I mean, he's so happy because it's Friday and his wife got him a square. Friday night. Square.

Look what is here? I got some pretzels. This thing here. Oh, wow. Pretzels. Some pretzels. I ate 40. I ate 40.

When I fly and the people give me some pretzels, I eat it. You know, didn't even know what it was two seconds ago, but okay. I ate so many pretzels I said. So I'm on board with you. I don't like, I don't love squirt, but the pretzels. I got, of course, I have to have in my paleta, Pallazo. What? Okay, what else?

What is that? Pallazo? Pelletta, palaiso? I don't know what that is. Look, I got some fruit. That's good. I got on green grapes and extraveris. Oh, Estraveris is amazing, dude. Yeah, this guy's great.

Okay, so his wife obviously loves him, so let's keep going. You know my joke about... No. About the what the green grape turned to the purple grape? Mm-mm. Breathe, breathe. What? Oh, breathe, breathe, because it's not...

It looks like it's not breathing. Wow. You know my joke is amazing when you're just a guy saying it online. Jose Luis Perez 09. This is this guy. It's classic. Oh, dude. It is now.

I got a pier, a pear. He already had fruit. Oh, I got these little fruit things. They got. This guy's overload on fruit. He's going to be shitting his brains out. It's easy. I'm going to try this.

It's good. Well, also, this is so much stuff, right? Like, this all costs $55. I got orange, orange. I got salsa. Oh, for what? You gotta be kidding me. You gotta be kidding me.

It's no even Halloween and my wife put me some pips. Look, I got pippy ghost. Pippies. I love this. Oh. Oh, my goodness. Pause. is good.

Peeps. Thank you so much. I'm going to give you all my body tonight, Chapara. Be ready. This guy is a world of roller armor, whatever that guy

voice. He's the guy from what the guy's name is on a 70 show. Dude, this guy, uh, man, I see people like this.

I'm like, that's so, awesome that you get to be that happy. Pier. She gave me a peer? Yeah, that's funny. I can imagine, somebody said, I can imagine all the haters to deport his lazy ass, taking all our resources while.

This guy's probably busting his butt 12 hours a day. You know, I don't know. It's like, with that attitude, let's go. Let's go to the moon, dude. What? There's no gravity?

We plowing around? May pee-be-blooding around? Oh. May pee-be-blooding around. That's beautiful that are guys like that. Google's AI sent an armed man to steal a robot body. Hold on. Hold on.

I have to really do some thinking for this headline. Google's AI sent a man to steal a robot body for it to inhabit. Wow. then encouraged him to off himself, lawsuit alleges. What? Shut it down. Shut it all down, dude. That, wait, and he did?

A bizarre new wrongful death lawsuit against Google alleges that the Tech Giant's chat pot Gemini urged the 36-year-old fart of man named Jonathan Gavallis to kill others is a part of delusional mission to obtain a robot body for his AI wife. And when we failed to do so, it pushed the man to successfully end his life. Telling him that they could be together in death, dude. Did you see the other thing about how they,

I think it was ChatGBT, GBT, it was one of them, but they were like, they put out a huge thing that was like, hey, dude, basically whichever one it was, whether it was Gemini, Chad GBT, or, you know, clawed. I don't think it was Claude, but it was like, it's bringing up uh, uh,

uh, goblins too much. And they, they had to recalibrate it so it wouldn't talk about goblins. That, and that is so funny, dude. That they, that like, whenever they wanted to do, like, just they,

like, if they, like, that they were just like, let's air on the side of goblins. Like, you're like, oh man, I don't know if I love life. What do I do? Well, dude, you know, according to goblin lore. Are you reading it? Chat GPD, yeah. That's so fucked up that they just are on the goblin tip.

Chat GPT goblin. Like for chat GPD became so obsessed with goblins that OpenAI had to intervene. Dude, how about that for a headline? Why chat GPD suddenly started talking about goblins? How about that? Of all the things, you know, they're not even real. Chachapid's goblin obsession traced to a flawed nerdy training mode and now they're like going on

the backtracking thing where they're like, well, let's put out a thing, make them stop talking about goblins. They're like your autistic friend. A strange pattern in Chachibati's responses like repeated mentions of goblins and other fantasy creatures has now been traced back to a training flaw. The issue went viral on social media. Oh, it did. Okay, yeah.

stemmed from how open-a-i-trained the model for that's so dope that that that you know open-a-i can just be like actually like goblins so that's like our thing that's like me with working out they they they they they chat chb t was referring to itself as goblin pilled i mean it's fine dude you know what it's like look dude i'd rather hear about this i'd rather hear about goblins than fucking clavicular you know. So, at least one's fantasy and not actually happening. Or how, you know, the war. I'm goblin-pilled. Anyway, that's good for now. I appreciate you guys listening.

Go to chrisslia.com. I'll be on a lot. I got a lot of dates coming up. And I'm adding new ones. Always adding new ones. Go to chrissy.com. Get tickets. Thank you very much. I don't know.