Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 507. Hanta Claus Is Coming To Town

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

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Runk. Hey guys and welcome to episode 507 of congratulations. We've got a new one. Hopefully I can't, dude, I can't wait till it comes out in our city. I can't wait till it's on tour right now only in the middle of the ocean or whatever. I don't know. I didn't listen. What are they going to do, man?

All I know is I put all my money in traw. Yeah. Because I saw one conspiracy video. I watched half of it and I go, front loaded on traw. Do I even know what it is? No. But whatever.

Made $16 on Traa today. So go eat yourselves. I, uh, anyway, yeah, happy Hunter. Hunter Claus is coming. Hunter Claus is coming to town. Um, he knows when you, he knows when you've been coughing. he knows we haven't been wearing a mask

he knows if you didn't get the friggin uh if you didn't do the social dissing he knows all that I don't know man I don't even like that I did it but you know it's the hauntavirus I might have the most annoying comedy of all time but uh that's okay you know uh that's okay and I'm gonna stand by that and that's fine

and I don't think it I actually don't think it is I'm gonna be honest because I've seen some annoying comedians out there But anyway, that's fine and that's nice and it's all good. But speaking of Hanta on tour, I'm going to be in Westminster that's in Canada and like Vancouver Island or something and San Jose, Washington, D.C. And even though the great thing about Washington, D.C. is that my web guy put up Washington, D.C. And I told him to fix it and he said, I'll do it right now.

And then the next day I looked and it said Washington. So that's cool. And then I will be in Miami. I will be in Nashville coming up and a bunch of different places. I don't know off the tall of my head, but go check it out. It will be

it will be absolutely gorgeous. gorgeous. Oh, gorgeous. No, gorgeous. Gargous. That's what it was. Gargous. Absolutely gorgeous when I'm on tour.

And so go look. Chrisley.com. Come see me on tour. And, you know, I've been pumping out these clips. I really been pumping out these crowdwork clips because I do, you know, sometimes you'll do crowdwork

as a comic. You need that skill and I'll post them. I'll be in San Jose coming up here. Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, that's right. Denver, Colorado, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Brea, California. Look at all these. Tulsa, Louisville,

Spokane, and Portugal. Anyway, you know, how was your mother's day? It was cool. Went over, saw my parents. And Calvin's been on his fort making detail. And make just, we're doing the Harry Potter, sorry, the Wizard House for the Airbnb.

And And, you know, my wife is in there doing all of the buyers. It's unbelievable how she does it. I've said this. And when this goes on the Airbnb, you're going to flip, go stay in it. But Calvin has just been, you got blankets, you know, like it's fentanyl. Blankets? Is it any blankets over there?

Did I see a blanket in there? What? For what? I'm going to add it to my fort. Pillows? You're not using those, are you? Pillows? Like, dude, I don't know.

Blankets? You got blankets up in there? Is there a blanket outside? Is this one dirty? And he just has made another house in our house. And I went to get Mother's Day gifts. And I brought them back and Calvin was like, Dad, this is awesome.

I said, oh yeah, he said, I'm going to put it in my lost and found room in my fort. And I was like, you have a lost and found room in your fort? And he said, yep. So he did. And the next morning, of course, he ruined the surprise. I was like, hey, Cal, come here. Don't tell mom, I got her balloons and flowers and this for Mother's Day. He goes, oh, okay. And you know how they say the shortest time between two spots is of one line or whatever? He went that way. towards Kristen and said, Mom, we got a surprise for you on Mother's Day. And I said, what the fuck?

What's wrong with you? And he was like, well, I didn't say it. Anyway, he's six. What do you want? So, happy Mother's Day, happy haunta, happy haunting guys. And, um, been really on,

I decided what I'm going to do is, because I ate some sweets last week. Not going to do it now. That's it, dude. Shredded and forget it. Dude, I'm going to be shredded and forget it on this summer, dude. Just absolutely, you know, you know how it goes. I'm going to look like fucking dukey and just be so shredded. With the out in the sun, I took a walk today with my shirt off. Oh, is that Chris Lee? Yeah, but why does it look like dukeye? I's been taking walks. Shred it and forget it. That's him, dude. It is. Is? Yes. With the blonde streaks in his hair? How? I don't even know. It's just something natural that happens after 46. The sun, you know, and you guys are going to be jealous. And I don't give a fuck. How about that? And I'll tell you, I'll tell you what, dude. I didn't even, I didn't watch this Kevin Hart roast. Now, Kevin Hart's nice as fuck. I like Kevin Hart. I don't even, I'm going to be honest. I didn't watch it. I don't know who the people, all the people were on it. Okay. I do not know.

I know a few of the people that were on it. But I will say, you know, watching that kind of stuff now, you know, you see Cat Williams went on it and he's like to, I don't know if it was to squash the beef or whatever, but it's like the business is so whack, dude. Because, because they, all of those people there, they hate each other, you know? And they don't, they don't care. I understand business is business,

but the Acklic friends, they don't like each other. Everyone in there is jealous of each other, except maybe two or three people, you know? And they go on there and they, and then Kat Williams goes on this podcast and he's like, fuck everybody. He goes, fuck all the, all the, all the, all the comic,

I don't know, so many comics. I didn't watch the whole thing, but. And then he just comes on. on like he's like, yeah, I'm going to patch it up. I don't know. He didn't say he was going to patch it up. He's going to come on and do it. And then Kevin Hart's going to be like, oh, man, this means a lot. No, they both hate each other. That did it. They went on because Kevin Hart did it because obviously you're going to make money. He's going to be more exposure. He's still relevant. He's great. And then Cat Williams was like, sure, of course I want to do it.

Because it's exposure. That's all anyone gives a fuck about. It's so weird to play into our emotions like that to be like, oh, they squash the beef, look at that. And also, roasting is, it's never really been my thing, honestly. I'll do it in a way in my style on, when I do stand up with a, with, with, if someone heckles, of course, but I'm just, I'm not like a joke guy, you know, okay? So, but like, they went. I saw, uh, Tony, a little bit of Tony's. a little bit of, uh, shanes and a little bit of, maybe someone else. And they just went so hard.

And I, I go like this, oh, not that it's not funny, but I go, oh, it hurts my feelings. And I, and, and, and, and I, and, and I, and I guess it's good for comedy, you know, these people are popping off being stars from the roasts or roasting. But just like everything else, it fucking, you know, now that it's a thing, it ruins the culture. Even stand up crowd work these things, it ruined the culture. Everyone thinks that they could do stand up now because they saw a guy with a microphone. And whatever, bro, I don't know. But I just, those roasts makes me uncomfortable, bro.

Why do they make me uncomfortable? Because they, you know why? Because they hate each other. Because they hate each other. Like, I don't even know, but with Shaq there, yes. Were there like two running backs there for some reason? I don't know, but yes, you know? Was there a WWE guy?

I don't know, but yes. You know? Not W.W. What do they even call it now? I don't even know. WWE? Yeah. Raw.

Raw. They call that shit raw. But it just, I don't know, it makes me uncomfortable. You know? But that's me. I'm obviously the odd man out people love that shit I mean it does stupid numbers but that's me fucking walking around

looking like dooky this summer and you know watch as many roads as you want still gonna be walking around looking like dukey this summer um dude um my algorithm has been infected with this um

the the the women AI women just fake women that don't exist cooked up in the in the with AI and

they're like it'll be like a woman in an elevator and she'll be like what floor are you on nine oh I'm on six that's funny six nine what an interesting number together and you're like, what idiot is falling for this? Number one, what idiot is falling for this? Okay, because there are people,

and by people, I mean Saudis, in the comment like, oh my God, BB. Okay? You're gorgeous, BB. And they're in those comments. And so number one, who's falling for them? And number two, this, if a real person was doing this, have they uncomfortable.

Dude, if I got into an elevator, okay, and a creme de la creme, tipi top 10 said, right, and I'm single, right? And I said, hey, what floor are you on? And I was on floor nine. She said, I'm on floor six. Oh my God, funny, six nine. I would immediately be looking around for cameras because this is, is a, this is a prank show.

It just don't, you know what I mean? You don't fall for it, guy. My friend was talking about how there was a woman at the gym the other day and she was bent over working out like for him pulling up her thong and shit. And I'm like, yeah, that's a trap. That's a trap. Either it's a trap. You're going to get caught on camera or it's a trap.

When you get to heaven, they go, psych, and they drop you down below. It's a trap one way or another. So, so, so, so I'm like, that. now that i watch could i really look at these fucking things because i'm like this is amazing and you know the women are the ai the ai women in the algorithm are are engineered to look you know i don't even want to say real but like perfect uh you know what not even perfect uh yes perfect but no no flaws right and uh you watch you watch this and you go wow you say what if a woman looked like this like this because none do

there isn't a woman that looks like that it's just it's not because AI isn't you know they're not at the point where they can trick the regular guy

who's 45 in calabasas you're not you can get some people and by some people I mean

Saudis but you can't trick AI women you can't if you're a woman isn't an elevator she's got blue eyes dark hair

hourglass figure and she's like um you might hitting my button. I love when guys hit my button. You're not tricking me. Okay. Maybe there's some people from South America like, oh, Bibi, oh my God. But not me. You're not going to get it. Okay. So they look, what do you call it? engineered. And you know what? That's fine. Because they started getting the lips good. And by they, I mean doctors. Doctors started getting the lips good.

these places where you can go in and get lips. Remember women would just be out here like Fire Marshal Bill? And that was their thing. They couldn't help it. If a woman look like this, they're just, and now that woman can legitimately go to the person and be like, can you fix me? And they go, let me see what I can do. And then they inject you and it plumps it out. And all of a sudden, it's, it's, you know, far, you know, go from Far Marshall Bill to fires Susie Tits for days.

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please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Fire a Susie plush lips. And so, let me show you something. Knock, gawk. And so, but, so the point is, here's my point. All right.

Everything will be able to get done. All right. Like, AI's bonkers. I forget about AI. And then I go, oh, yeah, AI. I got an email today. And I go, how many times a day do you get an email? And you're reading the email.

And in the middle of the email, you go, well, what the fuck is this about? And you're, you're clueless. And I'm talking about, I read an email that was, you know, CC and BCC, which I still don't know what that is, by the way. What's the difference between BCC and C. And don't tell me what it is because I've been told what it is and is different. It's not whatever people say it is, okay? Because sometimes I CCC people and sometimes I BCC people and it goes to the same people. So fuck off with all that shit.

Take the B out. It's just C C. Anyway, because me, I'll be fucking BCC and a motherfucker about the person I'm just CC in about. And then the CCC gets it anyway. And I'm just like, well, then what the fuck is to be there for? Can we just, you know, I don't even do group emails,

but I get a group email. And it's in the group email. And it's a business email. And so when I get a business email, you know, it always starts with something like, well, first of all, it usually starts with something like, re colon, y, And you're like, I don't even remember the first one.

So you go, all right, let me see what's going on here. You look, business manager sent it. Okay. I start reading. Sentence three, I go, am I holding an oar? Because where am I? I'm lost. I'm lost.

I don't know what this is. I don't know what this email is about. Right? Like genuinely. friendly. Okay. So, so I'm like, oh, yeah. I go, I go, fuck this. I'm not, life will be fine whether I read this or not, you know. But then I'm like, oh, wait, I can just take a screenshot of this email, send it to chat GPD and be like, what's this about? And pretend I'm five. And now I know what the email's about. So my point is everything will get done because of AI. So then I started thinking, right? Women got the lips done. They used to have to live with the fire marshal billness,

but now they don't. Now they can have a fire marshal bill affliction. Go to the, what do you call them, the lip doctors, botched or whatever the fuck those doctors. And they go, ah, fuck this, I'll give you nice lips. And not only does it as the year, progress, the lips look more and more natural the way they do it, we are getting tricked into liking that fakedness more because we're seeing more of it and you become attracted to things you see more

of. Yes, dude. Now, stay with me. Okay? That coupled with how good the work is getting. So you take how good the work is getting. Also, oh wait, but we're seeing the fakeness so much that all of a one day the apex of it is going to be met. We're going to meet the apex of fake work and good-lookingness. Okay? And we're going to have that be totally achievable by any woman. Okay? So check this out, dude.

Why choose? anyone the men will become the bitches you understand they will become they will have bitch status we're boarding all bitch status members uh come on to the here i'm gonna be if you're a um if you're a man your bitch status you can board it's a french flight blah blah blah blah blah Bench, bitch, fly. Blah, blah, blah, blah. La bitch. Blah, blue, blu.

All right, go to Montreal. Um, go to Quebec. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. La bitch. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah. Bitch.

Um, so my point is, dude, dating now, think about it. That shit's going to be so old school. Because all you have to, some woman's going to like you. Some woman's going to like you. Some woman's going to like you. like you. Get that one.

Get that one. Oh, but she's not my type. Get that one. The apex is coming. Get that one. And then just, hey, sweetie, you know. And then I go, oh, personality's really going to matter, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Because now these ho, these thoughts, I should say, on Instagram that's like, I don't do porn,

even though, yeah, you do. What are you posting? That's porn. Oh, yeah. You don't get it inserted. But your tets are all out. Okay. So, and you're on Instagram.

Okay. And you normalize it. Okay. And that's fine. But you're going to have to develop a trade or an or, or be witty. You can't just be a fucking, we, what? You can't just be one of these women that's like, who we, what? But gets by on the, oh, no, you can't.

You can't. You cannot coast on it. You've got to fucking develop something, right? Now, check this out. So every woman is going to be the pinnacle of what we agree on is good looking because of the work done and the good lookingness. All right? Dude, check this out. You think it's, I'm driving along. I go, oh, it stops there.

And then I go, no, it doesn't. What? Well, the truth is you'll be able to engineer inside. your mind and you can engineer your personality. Who cares? Who likes who? I'll meet someone at whole food. I don't give a shit, dude. Oh, dude, oh, you're, you're, you're, there'll be no more in cells. You're an in cell? No, you're not. Go get a, oh, there's homeless people. Go, go, hey, sup, you see the work they're doing? Let's go. You stink? Yeah, it doesn't matter. There's a thing for that. Come on.

just knee deep in it i mean dude you women will be obsolete they choose now the women choose the women choose the men dude what happens when every woman is the pinnacle and they're doing it to themselves that is cruel i used to think wow men are really getting fucked now but they are not dude you will see you will see mark my words they will play this podcast in 20 years and be like well he knew okay yeah ha ha ha oh hey uh whatever the fuck you know activate hey neuralink activate wit i need to i want to get this person horizontal activate wit but she's not hot doesn't matter we can fix her oh she doesn't like me cool on to the next on onto the next we're fucked we're fucked i mean he made so much sense, he makes so much sense that it's going to give him a heart attack.

Anyway, happy Hunter. That's what we need Hunter to fucking take us all out. We can't, we can't get that far. But I'm going to be like, yeah, your mother and I, you know, your grandmother and I, we had to date old school. She would yell at me because I put my shoes in front of the fireplace and I'd have to just kind of fucking take it. It was before the good-lookingness and the...

And the work met and the apex. But nowadays, you guys can just find, you know, you guys can just find bitches in a parking lot and fix them. These holes really fuck themselves. Oh, God. I'm not right. Fuck you. You know?

Nah, I don't, I don't, I don't do that. You know, and look, I would say the same goes for men. But what the fucks it matter for men? Dude, men are slubs anyway. women don't want to even be with a good looking dude sometimes. And I'm not saying it's not better to be attractive as a man. It is better to be attractive with a man. But sometimes women are just like, give me a fucking fat piece of shit.

I want to chill. So it doesn't matter. You know? And of course, you know, you want a rich guy. But some, you know, since when do women really know what they even want? It's just that we're fucked. we're so fucked there was a reckoning when we hit the apex I'll let you know

because these AI women I go it'd be trouble if women looked like that and this happened that's what happened or we'll just be virtual world you know what I mean she dreams in digital remember that shit so it is what it is but happy Mother's Day and happy haunting

this this Kevin Hart roast uh look at that see look at how real it gets I don't like when the roasts get this real of course they had to I assume that all of you will be signing up to go fight in Iran

or do you tough talking pussies only go to the Middle East for comedy festivals that is a good joke and it's too real it makes me feel bad

what can I do it makes me feel bad look at this one this one Chelsea is a Zionist it's too real make fun of a dress

I'm not saying that's good or bad. Speaking of dead kids, she's a big fan of abortions. Ha! It's too real. I'm not saying it's not good. It's good, but...

Chelsea's been scraped more times than the grill at Benihana. Speaking of tossing tiny shrimp into a child's mouth, Chelsea Handler went to dinner at Jeffrey Epstein's house in 2010. Just... It's just a fun one.

You can look it up. There's articles. Just like fucking, you know, basically just being the daily male right now. Chelsea Heller did what? And just It makes me comfortable.

It may be uncomfortable? But good job for all those guys. Jesus Christ. But it has to be. It has to keep one-uping itself or whatever. Back then, Sinatra and Dean Martin would be like, you got a big head. Kick it.

Ba-da, bow, pow. Prow! Oh, he's got a big head. Hey, he drinks more than a fucking wet fish. But ha, bah. Hey. And now it's like, you have AIDS. Your HIV is activated into full-blown AIDS, and you could have cured it, but you're in debt and can't afford it. And the crowd's just like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.

It makes me uncomfortable. And maybe that says a lot about me, but it's just pretty soon the roast are just going to be. All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Um, whatever comedian in 2035, hey, you heard about F,

uh, Zingbat Jolly Puss? Shing Bat Jolly Puss. Just gets killed. Oh, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha. Zingbat Jolly Puss.

The assassination of Jinn bat Jollypuss. Comedian extraordinaire. Hey, the writers, you know, do you think would be great? If you just fucking assassinate fucking that comic that has a special,

just assassinate him. Go up. Poison him. Poison them. And then go take the, uh, uh, the dais.

Take the, sorry, the, what do you call it? The podium. And then when he dies, do jokes while he's dying. The death of,

I don't know what a fucking new comedian will be. But it's just like fucking nuts, dude. it's and I'm not saying it's not rude to it I know that's the point wow um so I'm I'm you know I'm doing I'm doing good dude I I do my fucking barbell rose and it's just nuts fucking throwing weight on it and you know I don't work out with headphones and everybody comes up to me and it's fine but uh there's too also there's too many people that are Like, look, I know all of you don't understand,

or you don't live the life of comedy fan. You know, some people just like, I guess, this podcast. Oh, man, the people that went to that Netflix is a joke luncheon. And that wouldn't stop posting the pictures of it. Stop. The plus ones? up. I mean, it's, it's, I don't know, man. Instagram and everything has become so fucking embarrassing. I just. And you know, you could say, oh yeah, well, you know, you're on the other

side of it so you didn't fucking, you're mad. Fine. You can say that. And who knows, man, you know, I suppose I'm just, I'm, oh, God, being unplugged sometimes is just nice, dude. It's just nice. I'm not saying it's. better. I'm saying it is nice, dude. To figure out your life outside of the fucking matrix or whatever the fuck it is, you know, unplug and to just be like, oh, dude, to be able to say all this shit. Because here's the other thing, too, I, some of the people at that fuck it, like, this shit makes no sense. It's a joke world that we live in. And I'm not going to expose anybody, you know, I'm not trying to, you know, but dude, some of these people are so awful, bro.

And everyone's just fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, we love each other, best friends. No, they're not. I know. I know. But, yeah, it's just nice. It's nice because I get to fucking do what I love, stand up. I know people who are coming to see me are coming to see me because they like what I do. it's not because of, oh, the fervor of, oh, you know, we got to go see fucking Christalia,

because other people are going to see Chris Leah. They're coming because they want to, dude. Fuck yeah. Chrisley.com. And I'm not saying it's better, but it's just nice. And I need, you know, sometimes I'm like, you know, this podcast, it's like a lot, but like I kind of need it because, like, I haven't been going to therapy lately because sometimes it's just too much therapy.

It's like, all right, dude. You know, at what point do I get to fucking shut the fuck down, right? Because people just be sharing, they're feeling so much. If you get caught on that side of TikTok, you go, oh my God, bro. Hey, guys, check this out. I want to talk to you about legends. Legends with a Z, that's with a Z, is sending one lucky winner to L.A. to watch USA versus Paraguay, Paraguay, live in the 2026 World Cup.

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and you can grab it today. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every customer is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. But I watched this fucking movie last night. First of all, I turned on Shutter.

Mm-mm. All right? Now, when I turn on Shutter, now, Shutter is an app. It's a streaming app for harm movies, okay? And it's, P-thong, is... Mm-mm. Okay? So when I say I turn on shutter, that's the fucking, when I turn on Netflix, you know what I'm saying.

So I turned it on and there was a movie on the front page that I guess I had put on my list and I don't remember called the whaling. Now, I've seen the whaling. In 2016, it came out and I saw it years later on streaming. But what the heck? This poster doesn't look like the movie that I've seen. And certainly there's not two movies called The Whaling, because The Whaling that came out 2016 is a masterpiece. And it's on a lot of people's top 10 horror movies of all time. And there's no way that somebody else, eight years later, made another movie.

I'd be like if I fucking made a movie called The Godfather and it had nothing to do with the Corleones. Yeah, hey, dude, come see my movie. Ten Cloverfield Lane. Oh, shit. The movie that, didn't that come out in 2016? I don't know. This is a different thing, and it's about 10 Cloverfield Lane, but it's not that one.

Oh, the guy from Girls isn't in it? No, it's new people, and it's about something different. Don't even think about that movie. But it's called that. So you go, yeah, okay, whatever. So it's a movie. called The Wailing that is not, it has nothing to do with that movie. It's its own movie, which is some boss player shit, really.

For someone to make a movie and call it one of the top, tipy top horror movies. And for it to be a horror and to have it be like, they pick that title? Ah, you know what? That's going to be my title now. That's, that's, that's, that's baller shit. And I like that. That, yo, it's my title now. You mad because your title chose me, dog.

So, um, so I turn it on. I go, wow, well, all right. And I look, you know, I don't, I'm not, I'm not one that goes by these ratings. It's got like 70% on rotten tomatoes or something, whatever the fuck. And I turn it on and I'm tired, okay? Because I'm 46 and it's late at night. I turn it on. And I go, I want to turn it on.

I'm going to go, probably. falls on the couch, you know. Turn it on. Five minutes in. Okay. 10 minutes in. Something happens. That's very subtle.

And I'm like, that's fucking creepy. And then the rest of, an hour, just a two hour movie, almost. I watch an hour of this movie and I'm fighting sleep.

It is really creepy. Okay? And I go, this movie's fucking scary. I got to go to bed. I have to go to bed because I take Calvin to school tomorrow in the morning.

And so I go, I go in my bed and I'm kind of creeped out, but I'm like, I'm a man. I don't need to fucking, you know what I mean? Be scared in my bed. But as I'm falling asleep, I'm like, good thing I'm a man,

because otherwise I'd be fucking scared. And I fall asleep and then I wake up. I take Calvin to school, come back. Billy's not awake yet. So I put on the movie. It's 10 a.m. I'm going to finish that movie.

And I watched the rest of the movie, and it is, it's terrifying. And it's great. It's so well done. And I love it. And you know what, dude? The fact that they made two movies called The Whaling, and they're both in my top horror movies and have nothing to do with each other is so very cool. I just love that.

But this movie freak me the fuck out. I'm like, thank God I watched the end of it at fucking 10 a.m. I'll let these thoughts ruminate for a few hours and I'll be okay to go to sleep later. But my God, dude, I loved the movie. So go watch the wailing and then go watch the wailing. I'm still thinking about the end of Sopranos. I cannot stop thinking about the Sopranos.

I never felt like that during a movie or a show. It really, really made me feel a certain thing. I don't even know how to say it or what kind of feeling it was. But it's a very important. Uh, anyway. And now I need a new show. That's like the thing. It's like, I tried to watch that, what's it called?

Something really bad is about to happen or whatever, you know, with Leonardo Caprio's ex-girlfriend. What the fuck is that, dude? Don't just make somebody. Remember, Leonardo, Caprio just had sex with someone and now she got a show. That's crazy, dude. To have the mightest jizz. You know what I mean?

to have the fucking Midas Spunk is unreal. Yes, give her a series. Give her a series. I have Midas Spunk. Oh, that's disgusting. She just dated him. She was a model, you know, pretty, sure. And, you know, not bad can act-ish, I guess.

I don't know. Fuck who I know. I watch a little bit of it. But, like, the show is so bad. I don't like harm. movies that are just too weird and too it's like makes some kind of sense and i'm sure it does but you know me i'm too stupid but but i'm just i need a new show is what i'm trying to say and i'll flip the fuck around it you know what it is it's too it takes too much time to find a good thing

to a show a movie or something because there's so many options you pick one Most of the time, 9 out of 10 is going to be bad, even more than that. And then you get one good one and you're like, I wish it to fucking wasn't so sparse. Anyway. I wish to go to turn on that fucking apex one on Netflix. And I'm just not. I don't care, dude.

I just don't care. You know, oh, what's her names in another movie? What's her name in that movie? Charlize Theron? Like, okay. Karen Egerton is good. But I don't care, dude. when there's so many scenes where like people are running and shit and then you add it all up and it's like 35 minutes of the movie and you're like I've just been watching people running for 35 minutes the fuck is this shit probably more it's an it's an action it's like dude say some shit uncover some shit don't just be snapping twigs I don't know I'm you know but I don't dude this this was crazy an individual front-te

Airline, a frontier airlines. What's Frontier Airlines, by the way? Is that like a Spirit Airlines one? Okay, yeah. Now they're just like, Frontier Airlines is now, okay, they go, all right. Now it's time to fucking level up because there's no more Spirit Airlines, right? And this is how they leveled up, which is a disaster.

Frontier Airlines jet struck and killed a pedestrian on a runway at Denver International Airport late Friday during a planned takeoff to Los Angeles after the individual reportedly breached a perimeter fence and entered the runway. Forcing the flight to a departure, Jesus Christ. And you can see this video right here. It stops beforehand. I mean, that guy got creamed. He obviously wanted this.

I mean, how do you get caught doing it? I don't know how you are like, I mean, how oblivious you got to be to be like, what? A jumbo, Jed? First of all, you know you're on a runway when you're on a runway. I don't, there's no world in this where the guy is, didn't purposely do this, unless he was just whacked out on drugs.

And I guess we don't know yet, but hearing stuff like this. Tower, frontier 45, we're stopping on the runway. We just hit somebody. We have an engine fire. Frontier 43, 45. I'll do that. Tower southwest 29, 21, left base for a one-two-buts. Forger me an answer for south-lose 4212 continue down the runway.

and then Fox Trot and then Charlie Sierra. This guy was 5612. Just hold your position. Oh, Jesus, man. And this guy just, they, you don't hear somebody getting run over by an airplane, you know? You do not hear that. Usually airplanes take off where people aren't. Southwood, French are 43, 45.

I'm going to be rolling the trucks now. Do you, can you know, the souls on board and, uh, uh, fuel? Souls on board. Who's he fucking shang sound? Are the souls on board? Finish them. Get over here! We have 21,320 pounds of fuel on board.

There was an individual walking across the runway. Oh, God. We are rolling the trucks down. Off 7, Denver, did you copy all of this? That guy just saw Mission Impossible. 231 souls. We're rolling the trucks down. Souls, dude.

the fucking guy shang sung why he's any souls why why do they do that that's so fucking like you know spiritual of them why don't they ever call us souls when we're on the plane

because they don't want you to think about dying that's a full flag we got a bunch of souls on board um was just talking to goro and he was having an argument apparently

with sub-zero and sub-zero pull out his spine. So we're going to be taking off here, and we're going to get to 30,000 feet, soles. Uh, yeah, I didn't know they do that. 27, turn left on Papa 7, left on Echo. I'll have more for you. Okay, left Papa 7 and Echo, Scott 627. I know you're busy.

Southwest 9-21. Are we cleared to land? 16 left. Southwest 9-29-21, yes, sir. 1-6 left. Jesus. Lapis. Oh, seven, yes, sir.

Oh, seven, yes, sir. One seven left is closed. What is that? Oh, he did? His fucking 21 Savage is the pilot? Oh, 21, 21. Excuse me. Is there a rapper flying the?

There's a guy who made that weird elm with Drake on the, for some reason Drake made the album with him. Even though he's Drake and 21 Savage is fucking terrible. honorable. 155 souls I have to listen to 21, 21. But anyway, I, uh,

yeah, that, that's, uh, that's sad, dude. Jesus, man.

I don't like how the, you know, it's like, you, you know, you used to be able to not see this stuff. Wow.

Okay. And now we know. And now we all know. And now we know all the time. And now we, and we're numb to it. Yay. Let's do,

uh, missed connections, dude. It's been a while. Here we go. Tacos and tequila. Happy Cinco de Mayo Taco Tuesday. Any ladies up for some tequila and tacos this evening? I'm a black man.

It's basic. Now, this is honestly the heart of me. First of all, nothing is missed here. He didn't see anybody. This dude is just like, I want tacos and pussy. Where's Craigslist? and he goes Happy Cinco de Mayo

Taka Tuzzi. Doesn't even want Not even making it just It's festive But it's not about Mexicans The guy just goes Really Let's what's up

Here's another one Looking for a pool partner Torrance dude I swear to got Torrance is hell Every fucking other third one Is from Torrance Here Hi I'm in Torrance

Looking for a guy That we can both shoot pool got to have your own table looking for a regular dude I'm 55 white decent shape player looking for some let's meet up

you know not for pool my ball's corner pocket uh show up with a pool stick oh me and you go where's the pool table and you go

oh dude I meant suck it huh you don't rack these balls here we go looking for activity partner, Safarian. I like this one. Looking for activity partner and then to the eighth square. Partner and then eight is above partner.

South Almonte. Looking for friendships, I'm bottom. Darylact. Looking for friendships, I'm bottom. Zero punctuation. This guy said, looking for friendships I'm bottom. Have you ever?

heard of a sentence with no comma like that? Looking for friendships on bottom. Here goes another one. Fun-filled time, West Hollywood. Well, I can guess where this one's going. I'm looking for an experienced F-F. What is F-F? Ford Focus. I'm looking for

an experienced F-F-TOP with small hands who want to play. Dude, so specific. My man... Oh, well, my man needs a serious workout. dude sweating to the boldies hey you got to bleep out that C word uh i cannot host oh dude

what a catch 70 year old gay man in pretty good shape no endless posts if you don't know what f f is we probably not match not a match yeah i don't know what it is i know it was that ferrari that came out in 2000 some um a lot of lonely people out there here's another one You can use a hug, Los Angeles. It's incredible how scarce, sincere, and genuine hugs are. Oh, this dude, you'll be amazed by the power of hugs and cuddles. I'm readily available.

This guy thinks he just fucking invented hugs? Like, dude, well, I guess some people don't get hugs. That kind of is sad. You need human contact, right? This guy's going to do it for you, though. So he's in Los Angeles if you need a hug. Hit him up on misconnections in Craigslist. I can't believe Craigs is still a fucking thing.

How is that still a thing? I miss her, Harbor City. Is this hat? And here's the body. I miss the company of a woman. It's been a while. If you're a F, please reach out. Didn't even bother to write out female.

If you're a female, please reach out is the most desperate thing. But no, it's not. Take out, you know what? I actually don't even want to write female, you stupid bitches. F. that's disgraceful. These are just getting less and less even. You know what it is?

It's like the fucking... How... And if you couldn't get any more disrespectful than that one, here's the next one. Bored is the title. Under it. Bored, let's kill some time.

Just... Who's going to respond to that? Think about... You're definitely going to respond to the other guys for i mean dude you're telling me i'm at least before i respond to the board guy who's so vague i respond to the guy and i say what is ffs suck you shoot pool or you want to suck let me know what's up i i got this guy who's bored he'll do anything so what what what's up you this guy's the last guy you go to the board guy here's another one warm jacuzzi winnetka

It's a selling point. White guy 50 seeking in shape white and Latin guys 20 to 40 who want to hang out in my jacuzzi. Send pick with response. I should send a pick. What's up, bro?

Not Latin? I'm not Latin. I'm white though. In shape white and Latin. Also, dude, I got flavor. What's up? Um The hugs one is crazy, dude All right.

Well, thank you very much for listening. Go to chrissly.com. I got a bunch of dates coming up, San Jose, Nashville, um, and Vancouver, you know, Vancouver area. Go to chrissy.com, Miami. I'm going to be in your city, a bunch of different cities, uh, Las Vegas, Utah, Denver. Thank you very much.

And I appreciate you. The other fucking five you're scared. Fucking five years. Fucking fucking. I'm a motherfucker. Right on the motherfucker child. Thank you.