Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 514. A Round Of Sausage

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

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Runk Hey guys, welcome to episode 514 of congratulations. Dude, you know what I was actually what I've been thinking of is that I've had stuck in my head is the Batman theme song. And I think that might be the best theme song. It's definitely the best superhero theme song. But when Denny Elfman made it, right, he just made it. Oh, by the way, I'm not talking about... I'm not talking about that one.

That one sucks. Okay? Batman. Not that one. The one with no words, it's just good... Br... That one. Br...

That one. That one. That one. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dun. That one. Dude, that one is so great. It's so ill. And I think it's the best theme song.

No, it's the best superhero theme song. It's not the best theme song, of course, but it's the best superhero theme song. I mean, and the fact when Danny Alvin made it, first of all, I heard he was on the airplane. And it was, you know, in the, what, 90s, 80s? When did that movie come out? The first Batman, 90, 1990 or something?

and he was in the airplane and he didn't, you know, there were no iPhones and he got this melody in his head and he was like, oh my God. And he had a recorder and he had to go to the bathroom and record it. And that's really funny to me to think that he was on a continental flight somewhere in the bathroom just with the recorder, with his long hair, with his long orange hair and tattoos. Dan, dan, dan, dan, da, da, da, da, da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Get back to your. your seat. So I think that's cool. But yeah, because I was in Pittsburgh and they were, and I, the reason why I even, I think I saw it was that clip was because of Danny Elfman was playing in Pittsburgh, I guess,

which I didn't, bro, you just, people just, I didn't realize that, like, how many people tour. I mean, sure, of course Danny Offman tours. Why wouldn't I think that? Why wouldn't I think that? I mean, I don't know. I don't know how, I don't know at what point you, like for, okay, look, making money touring is the goal, all right? Until you, you kind of cross over the threshold and you just start printing money like, you know, I guess, I guess Kevin Hart, you're doing movies, you're, you're, you're sponsoring underwear, you know, you're doing, you got oatmeal, he's probably got oatmeal somewhere, you know what I mean?

and um and and and that is then i guess touring you know i'm sure he still makes a lot of money touring yeah definitely but you know like Nate bergatsy made what 80 million dollars one year touring jesus jesus and he uh then did a movie and i don't think the movie did crazy well so touring is where it's at for him and it's just going to be where it's at i guess i don't know unless he comes up with a sick sitcom but but but he's not going to be $80 million a year on a sitcom. I don't understand, honestly. Once you make $80 million, I love Nate.

The nicest dude. But I don't understand when you do that. You then want to make some kind of movie, dude. Theme park's interesting. He's doing a theme park, and that's interesting because he, you know, it's like so different. It would just be like if I, you know, you make a bunch of money and then you're like, oh, dude, you know what I'm going to do? Open up a forest.

I'm going to have a forest. coolest. Probably not as expensive as it, but maybe. There's probably so much red tape. But anyway, I was in Pittsburgh and I saw Danny Elfman perform. He's going to be performing there, I guess. I don't know. On the radio, it was like, hey, I'm Danny Elfman.

Come see me in the, anyway. And I heard him on the radio, which is crazy that I even heard a commercial on the radio. Okay? But I did because I was at a gym in Pittsburgh. I was at two gyms in Pittsburgh. Both gyms in Pittsburgh might as well have been, and I'm sure they were, but it might,

when I stepped in there, it might as well have been 1984. And, and I'll tell you something, it was awesome, okay? Both gyms, the both gyms that I happened upon, all right?

There was fitness, uh, F, F, F, something F, F, fitness. fitness something fucking fitness

I have no idea fitness fitness factory that said yes got it should have known it because the laugh factory but did it

now I'll never forget it and and then I went to another one which something warehouse and these things bro first of all you walk in they go like this

you walk in and you go hey can I get a day pass they go day pass they go they pass. Yeah, sure. And they go, how much is it? And they go like this?

10. And you're like, all right. You give them a card and they're like, we just give us cash. And I'm like, oh, bro, I am already worked out. I am so happy that these guys

were like this. Dude, to pay cash in a gym that's been around, and hasn't changed. Oh, you know what? It made me feel grateful and lucky. And I'm going on these machines

and every machine is like just so dangerous. You know? Not really, but you know, it's fine. But it's, it also feels harder to do. You know, it's like you go to Equinox or Lifetime Fitness, anytime fitness, whatever the hell. And this shit feels easier.

It's just clean. But you go to these gyms. where they're like, the guy asked to pick, he had a dog with him. And he was just like, yeah, we don't take cards. I'm like, oh, okay, here. I'm like, yeah, I had money. I never even have money anymore, you know? The only money I've had in my wallet, which I just changed it out, was Australian money and euros.

I'm like a fucking Tom Cruise character, but just kind of doing nothing. I'm like Tom Cruise, if he played Sully in the fucking airplane. movie where he did nothing. Just kind of landed the plane weird. And then the rest of the movie was just him just kind of being like, yeah, I landed the plane weird. And so I gave him a 10. And I was like, all right, cool.

He's like, all right, go ahead. Don't slam the weights. I'm like, okay. But then I'm like, what does that mean? Don't purposely slam the weights? Or what if I'm doing incline? and then I got to let go of the weight. Because it was one of those, they had those dumbbells.

They were so old school, dude. They had dumbbells that were just basically like they would have like a 20 pound dumbbell, a 20 pound weight on one side and then another 20 pound weight on that same side. And then another and then two more 20 pounds on the other side and that's 80. And you're like, oh, dude, just make it all one because you can now. But back then they were like, it only goes up to 20. just add more 20s.

Guys be sitting there with a hundred and twenty pound dumbbells and this shit would be just just out, just so far out. You couldn't even get it all the way up. They would click kink, kink, kink. And, um, and, and you, you grab one of these weights, dude. And it's, it, it is, you, you, you, you walk out like you're a coal miner.

It's dust city. bro my hand i go i go oh i got a this is terrible but the this is how old school this gym was um this is how old school this gym was they had i loved how they had rules and the rules made simply no sense it was like it was like one of those things was like who was the asshole that made them make this rule. All right. Now, let me just break down,

let me just break down some normal ones. These are some, these are normal rules they had. Dude, there were so many rules I can't even believe it. Here's one. Gym members only in gym area. Okay? So that's already a weird rule because

who else is even going to be there? Also, the guy I checked in with had a dog. Okay? Number two, sign in at front counter and then in parentheses print. Print your name, I guess, which I didn't do. This is great. They didn't even ask me to do it. Return weights to proper racks.

That's fine. Okay. Always use a spotter. Didn't use one. And nobody was, right? These willy-nilly ass rules, now check this out. Always use collars on bars. That's crazy.

If you use collars on, uh, Bench press, you die. The clamps to keep the weights on. You die. If you put the clamps, click, click on the chest and you pop, pop, pop, pop, can't get the last one up. Ha, ha, ha, you die. It just gets crushed. You need to go, ha, klan, kitty, clang, clank, clank, clang, clang, kittie clang, clang.

But that's where the, that's where the one. The rule goes to the next one, don't drop the weights. So they'd rather have you die than drop the weight. Okay? Loved it. No street clothes. Fantastic. A guy in there with a leather jacket and ski pants.

Just fucking rings. A mohawk would gel up and like, this was great. No profanity. These were just regular in a gym? What is this a courtroom? This is, this is profanity central. This is where you come

when you can't say fuck anywhere else. You go to the gym and you go, you literally just go, fuck. And so, so these were, by the way, these rules were just written or printed, no, printed, I guess, yeah.

And laminated and just stuck randomly in different sizes and, and, and, uh, just wherever. And it was a big gym, dude. Then it goes, then, then there were other one, there's another one that said, no plates against the wall. Okay. Which is fine. But also there were brick walls.

Okay. I get it. Then there was another one. No standing on benches for the bench press in the bench press area. What asshole, what I love is one guy did something once and the owner was like, all right, fuck it. I'm making a rule. Like, dude, who's standing on the bench press?

What are you one of these fucking, what do you, you know, one of these fitness influencers? Just, God. Where are the videos of them dying, by the way? Just fucking, hey, watch as I'm on a rowboat. And I deadlift 900. Oh, out in the middle of the fucking Atlantic Ocean. Oh, shit, dying. But yeah, so there was another one, no chalk.

I guess you can't use chalk on the. And then there was another one that was great. And I can't remember it. But then I went to the bathroom to wash the coal miner off my hands. And on the sink, it said, no spitting in the sink. And then I went to the bathroom and it said, flush every time, no exception. And I'm like, what kind of fucking? Who's, who's, what is this Stalin?

Is this Stalin fitness? Is this the furor warehouse? Yes, we are not going to do that, actually. Oh, you get burned. You get fined $6,000 and we kill you. Is he standing on the bench? He's not standing on the bench, is he? Walk in viscim to the bathroom, see if he spits in the sink,

and make sure that he... Make sure that he flushes after each time he takes action. You fart in a gym. Go flush the toilet. I'm not in the... Kill him. I'm not in the... Oh, God.

I smell something. Everyone go in and everyone flush the toilet to clear it. I don't care who it was. I need it. So anyway, that was fun to do that at those gyms. it. I like Jim culture, bro. I like to, so many pictures on the wall. How many pictures

you think there are of Arnold Schwarzenegger? How many printed pictures are there of Arnold Schwarzenegger? Like, could you even, I bet you ask you have TBD, they go like, they literally just write back, fuck you. Or there's more than there is sand in the world. You know, I mean, this gym that I went to had already six pictures of Arnold. And two of them were the same. When there was a blank space, they just go, oh,

he's an Arnold pick, you know. They just, the guy was a behemoth, though, wasn't he? The guy was a behemoth. Anyway, dude,

um, the gyms were really good in Pittsburgh. I even came back and I told somebody from Pittsburgh, I go, yo, the gyms are really good

in Pittsburgh and they say, yeah, they really are. So I was like, pff, hell yeah, props to me for realizing that. And also saying it to somebody with confidence,

and then they agree with it. Props to me for that. Because sometimes you just say shit, you know, and you're not even really behind it. Sometimes you're just like, like, I do that plenty. That, that just sucks.

I do that plenty. I did it yesterday. I can't remember what it was, but I remember I said something. And I just go, I don't even know if that's true. And it was about me. And I'm like,

what, who am? Who am I? What am I fucking, who am I, what am I telling this person this for? It's not even real. So I had to fucking offset it with the Pittsburgh gym.

comment and I killed that one. I killed the Pittsburgh gym comment. The Pittsburgh is, is, you know, it's not a great place, the city, okay? It's fine and it's annoying that there's so many sports, but I'll tell you this much, dude. There are some pretty parts, but I'll tell you this much. The people, there are people in Pittsburgh,

certain people in Pittsburgh that just fucking rock. They rock. You know, there's the annoying Pittsburgh, you know, you think drunk kind of guy. Almost like, you know, the people from Pittsburgh are basically the people from Dublin without an Irish accent, you know. They're just drunk all the time and like beating each other and fucking fives. You know? you're you're if you're at a bar and you and you're and you're pasty and you bring home and fuck a four or five in a city you're in Dublin or Pittsburgh okay period so so uh but but dude

the old timers bro get got when you reach old timer level in Pittsburgh forget it everything old in Pittsburgh is fucking sick. Dude, I got the driver that picked me up from the airport. I mean, I can't even believe. When I click on Uber, you know how you click on Uber and you go, and they go, you want us to talk to you or do you want it to be freezing or hot? You just, you know what I do? Silent. I go, don't talk to me and also make it fucking hot, bro. I want the dude saying nothing, sweating. Okay? Because that's what I'm comfortable.

My hotness, my heat level is way, way higher, or my threshold is way higher than a normal person's. Oh, is it 75 degrees in the hotel room? I'm freezing. Turn it up. They go, okay, turn it up once. Nah. You're not understanding what I need.

Put it all the way up. It's not even going to work anyway. That's me, bro. Anyway, the driver picks me up. Nice as hell. And I think Pittsburgh doesn't switch to Donnas. I think they just have a new airport. I had no, I go, this isn't the one last time, is it?

Dude, life is so funny when you think you remember something, but you're not sure. And you just kind of like, fucking don't tell anyone about it. And then you just fucking keep walking. You know? Like, what a dumb, dumb. You just go, dude, that's so funny. to me that I landed to me, that I landed in Pittsburgh, and then I just look around and

something feels off. And then by the time I have a baggage claim, I'm like, I think this is a different airport. They make a new one. It looks kind of new. And then I just don't say anything about it. To anyone, I don't ask. I don't ask. Imagine being in an annoying fuckface. Hey, is this a new airport to the driver? But I didn't want to because then I didn't want to open up the conversation. Guy, I'm sure he's nice enough but like you know my whole shit is talking i talk so much dude my kids already roll my eyes they're six and three which is why i'm wearing his buzz light shirt i'll explain it later or i won't you know you kind of probably can get it we saw fucking toy story five and now calvin's a lot like me he watched one through four in one afternoon and and and is wearing a woody outfit got cowboy boots you know

i mean it's just like that's how i am and i love it and i love it but i also see myself in it and I go it's gonna be a tough life kid it's gonna be a tough life you know you think you're gonna all right well we'll see later when you watch a movie and you realize then it's a foreign movie too that was remade and you'll have to watch it in the same night

we'll see and then this is a sequel too and you're gonna watch that you can stay up until 3 a.m. I'll say and then you get a dress like the character like Jake Gyllenhauls character in guilty uh but yeah so I

um that movie guilty dude. Anyway, I uh did the in, yeah, so in Pittsburgh I'm in the car and about half uh, the drive

go. First of all, we get in a car and the guy says, I look it up on my Google and he said, and it says, 50 minutes. I hate when the airport's fucking far. Hey, how about this? Denver. Fuck you, dude. Move it closer. I swear to God, if you want to take it,

it's in the middle of, and, and you know what it's not haunted okay by the way if it's haunted fucking demolish it and move it how far the Denver airport is

is obnoxious and I'm not saying because of anything like traffic or anything like that you're driving so long open field like what did they think I gotta know

what the thought was what did they go what if Denver gets fucking crazy exponentially bigger it what's that flip it you hear that no okay just in mind um you hear it yeah what is that is that better that's better

it's okay all right um yeah so the pittsburgh you leave that in i don't give a fuck be the be be with us for the technical difficulties dude you know what i mean it's the least that could it's happening again so sorry we had some technical difficulties there you weren't staying with us the whole time. We couldn't do it. But listen to this dude. We're, we're, the Denver, okay, no, that's where I was. The Denver airport is just too far. It's just too far. And so move it closer or make the city closer. It's, it's fucking obnoxious. And then they got that blue horse and people think it's haunted. But anyway, the Pittsburgh airport is 50 minutes away because of the traffic. And that's a little bit more digestible. Okay. So I get in a car and the guy says, 25 minutes to the hotel and I'll go, oh, really? Okay, cool. And it was 50. So, uh, That's fine.

The guy was nice enough. But look, this is him. And by the way, the nicest guy. And I love, I really like the guy. But bro,

you ever get with an old timer and they just don't stop? He was going starting his route. A bus right here, right here. It opened up. Wow. It doesn't look at now.

But it opened up and it went down about 25 feet. When was this? Two years ago. Oh. Like I should know. And, uh, so you know what happened?

some kid from Carnegie Mellon University he was a genius inventive he made an ornament around Christmas time that's when it was he made an ornament put a bus inside of it

sticking out oh there you go and he patented it yeah that's great he patented he made a lot of money yeah and I happened to drive the chancellor of CMU once

or twice of course you heard about the ornament, snowball. He said, oh yeah. He says, that's what we trained him for, but he's got a good head on his shoulders. And he was studying structural engineering. Oh, okay. So it's related.

Yeah. But he made the ornament. I could just see him in his dorms, you know? Yeah. Yeah. He has some weed or something. Right, right, right. He had him and his buddies.

We could do something, man. Yeah, we can make something. Yeah. Nobody was in it, thank God. He was going, starting his route. a bus right here dude that was one of the videos I took

and sent to my group chat now I the guy really brought me around because I was like oh no he's gonna talk but then he was just so happy to tell me this shit and I go he must have said this 900 times before the guy's a driver

it's like he works at fucking Universal Studios Pittsburgh Studios dude yeah that's where that guy got killed for cheering for cheering for the for cheering for the Marlins Yeah, that's where that guy got killed For wearing a Dodgers hat

Yeah, so I just It was, the guy was unbelievable And he turned me around And I was like, man, I actually love hearing this shit Because all I had to do He didn't expect me to say shit Because if he was asking stuff I'd be, but he was saying so

I could just literally go like this Oh, oh yeah, cool So anyway, he dropped me off, dude That motherfucker talked a whole time And it was beautiful but it was crazy but that's some Pittsburgh shit or at least East Coast shit

God, drivers in L.A. don't, they'll just think you won't talk because they think you're going to shoot him. He-Man came out, it's been a month and it's a fucking bomb. And here's what I want to say about He-Man, and I haven't seen it, and I want to see it, and I will see it. I don't know if I'll see it in a theater or anything, but

Corse Bond. It's 2026. you know what? For them to make He-Man is fucking idiotic. It's a dog-shit idea. And I grew up on a He-Man, okay? And I'm telling you it's a dog-shut idea.

You can't make a movie, a fucking every cartoon. Who gives a shit about He-Man the movie? Honestly, except guys my age, who grew up and don't really give a fuck anymore. But like they made this movie, it made $110 million in four weeks.

And they spent $200 million on it. And like then, advertisement, which is like, dude, don't you know it's not going to fucking make that much money? you stupid fuck faces. Don't you know that? I swear to God, come to me. I know it's gonna bomb.

I'm actually surprised it made $110 million. He man, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Bro, what do you call it? It used to be so corny theme songs, but the Batman kills it.

Hey, guys, you want to get so jacked? People think dances with wolves was filmed on your back? look, the, get lumped up. I love how this person's hauler is. Get lumped up. The Lyft book app makes it easy.

Go download it from the Google Play Store. Go to holler. Dot baby slash Christelie if you want to get a shout-out on this podcast. I love that this guy wrote the holler like he thinks I would have said it. Get lumped up is, I must have said that somewhere. Anyway, yeah, dude, dances with wolves. Yeah, okay, I get it, bro.

Shout out. Cuvicchio. clavicular got tricked bro they're saying he got tricked because he's hitting on so many women in paris or wherever he was france and then um he got a dope one and i was like he was like talking to and i saw the clip i was like oh man he he got a dope one huh she looks hot and then the kiss it and i look at a comments and everyone's like that's a man dude she has her own account that's a man and i go oh shit and everyone's like oh man he didn't even know he was a trans person and i'm like oh fuck It's a trans person, and then I got to thinking, I'm like, okay, well, that sucks, you know.

The last thing you want to do, not to say that they fucked or anything, but the last thing you want to do is lay horizontal with somebody and think they're one thing and then realize there another, okay? Right. And so I got to thinking and I was like, all right, if somebody, if I or if you or if someone, if I hook up with a with a hot woman, okay? and then I find out that that person, it was a man. Okay? Like some crying game shit, right? Still haven't seen that movie, but I know what happens. I, okay, let's break this down.

If I do that and the woman that I do that with, I can't tell it was a man, okay? I don't know how good the surgeries. I don't know how good bottom surgeries I've never seen an inverted pussy or whatever they do it. But, or an inverted penis, I guess. But they just smash it all up in there, you know? They just push it like it's, I think that's good.

All right, bring him out. Bring her out. Whatever the fuck. And so I am, if, think about this. If you hook up with a girl and you find out. And you don't find out. The girl used to be a man. don't find out, all right?

But then you don't find out. You never knew. That's kind of, that's kind of, in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Now, if you find out, if you find out, that changes to a whole big deal. As much as, because, you know, whatever you think, it doesn't, it, that's what matters. right like if i think oh yeah as i chigs not chick and then 30 years later i find out wait what that was ralph then i think i fucked a guy and you go well shit that guy go to jail girl guy whatever go to jail go don't even have a trial did did they did we do it yeah does does ralbidtick kitty dink kitty dink

Oh, he's going to have a fun time in jail, huh? Oh, shit. Is he a bought him? Oh, put him in jail. You know what? Put him in Salt Dirk and Vimy. He's going to have too much fun in jail. But so, I mean, because I was talking to one of my buddies about it, and he was like,

if I found out it was a guy and I didn't know and I found out later, I'd just be like, ah, fuck it, you know, it sucks, but who cares? And I go, nope, not me, dude. It's taken after that. It's taken. After that, it's taken. After that, it's taken the train. It's taken in parentheses, transversion.

I have a particular set of balls, and so do you. I didn't see them. I know you have an inverted penis. I will find you. He's just at the fucking clubs. You're always at the fucking clubs. You're always in fucking Portland or Denver. I will find you.

Come June, you will resurface. You'll be in a parade somewhere with your particular set of balls. I will find you. And I will kill you, and I will fuck you one more time before I kill you because it was bomb. But then I won't tell anybody about it. I've already done it, so who cares?

I've already crossed the line. But then I will kill you. So I will get some more, whatever, bussy. But then I'll get some more bussy. And then I will kill you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

This June, get taken all over again. Get taken for a ride. Fucking, God damn it. You're a man. You've got a particular, son of. falls. And then it's so good. How is that not a movie by the Daily Wire?

How's not Ben Shapiro not fucking, we got to make the movie. How is he not? We got to make the movie. Dude. And I'm not and not a spoof movie either. Not a spoof movie. An actual real movie that like Army Hammer is in now because he did that one

movie with the fucking. My friend Army Hammer. He did the fucking movie that looks actually the trailer look, take the politics out of it. I don't know anything about the politics. I genuinely don't know what side the character is on or what happens to anybody in the movie. The trailer,

kind of looks sick, dude. Omni Hammer's a good actor too. And he's especially good at that shit. That like, uh, calm, badass type. I did, dude, six three,

he's 250. You know what I mean? Go fuck yourselves. So anyway, have Army Hammer do it. Have Army Hammer be intaken where he fucks a chick and then finds out a few years later, it was a man.

Hello? I will find you and I will kill you. You've got a particular set of balls. When I find... You lied to me about what you are. And then you had this whole trance thing where it's like, oh yeah, but I felt like a woman the whole time. So I was a woman. And just because, you know, I had a dick and cut it off doesn't mean I'm not a woman.

I don't care. I didn't get pussy that day. I got pussy. I will kill you. I will find you come June in a parade somewhere. And I will kill you. But first I'll fuck you one more time. Since I already crossed the line, I'll just do it.

it again. Who cares? My body count doesn't go up even for men. I'll will fuck you and bust in your bussy one more time and then kill you. Ha! Hey, how are you? Oh, yeah. Oh, I remember me? Yeah. Oh, anyway. This June. Anyway, dude, starring Army Hammer. The Daily Wire presents. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I basically did the same joke twice, but you i do that uh i if yeah i don't i'm not that's not that's not cool to sneak to sneak fuck someone that's what it's called i think sneak fucking um bro think talk about all man what about this this is great we need more guys like this to deflect questions related to law enforcement misconduct resulting in a multi-million dollar law

suit. This is what this cop does after he gets on. How did that meeting go and do you think that Lindsay Isaacs deserves an apology and what's the status of those? All right, so you just pissed me off. Now, I'll let him decide if he's going to answer your question.

But all this, you want to ask him about some other case? We're talking about children. Now, if you're getting that from one of your people that it typically is behind the phones that you all have wants you to ask that question, tell them to have the gonads to come here and ask them that. Bro. What was you, Bob Newhart?

Bob Newhart would say Gohnats. Oh, dude, there's one part in one movie where, I don't know what movie it is, but I laughed so hard. Bob Newhart is giving a speech. And it's something about, the speech is supposed to be a formal speech for people and he has to be presentable. And he says,

and somebody is like, I don't even remember, but he's supposed to not think of anything sex or anything related to anything taboo. And he can't get it out of his head. And he's got to give the speech. And he says, and he has to say something like,

it's a grown up thing. But he says, and it's, he says, he says, he says, it's a gonad's thing. It's a grown-up. thing and I I laughed so hard because it's such a stupid good joke that I just and then he

sells it bro you don't have the gonads to ask me hell yeah dude I love that cop that's my cop right there Sheriff Billy Woods of course he says go now his name's Sheriff Billy Woods um hey wheel of fortune finally understand social media y'all get it Superman and spider woman No. Just no fucking clue, dude, about the multiverse and how they don't mix. Zero. The fact I love that they have to, I love that they're so excited that they get it. And they just, and they have to say a little louder.

I'd like to solve the thing. Superman and Spider-Woman. Dude, W-O-N-D-R is on the fucking thing. It's wonder Not spider I want to know if that dude Fucked up Like in that actual moment

Like knew it was Spider-Man Or just what did his brain do What's the other one that I sent With the guy who did the Oh man Oh sausage The sausage is one Did you see that one?

The sausages one I have to look it up on my phone The sausages one Nah be Nah, B. Let me look up the sausages one. Nah, B. Was it will of fortune?

Wheel of. Here we go. The fucking sausages one was incredible. They should keep They finally understand social media and how they got to do the funny stuff. Here it is. Got it.

Okay, give yourself. The thing is, it's got blank, blank, blank, O-U-R-S-E, blank-F, yourself. That word is obviously yourself. Okay, then it's a, which is seen, round, okay, blank. Then of, and then A, blank, blank, blank, a-a-blank-blank-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s.

Now, did you just see it? Did you just see it for the first time? Okay. So now, it's obviously give yourself a... Here, here's what. what is said. Here's what's up on the board. Eh, or Seth, a round of a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-old.

This dude clicks, oh, I want to solve it, which means he thinks he knows it, and then says, Treat yourself a round of sausage. Wow, dude. A fatty. Treat yourself a round of sausage. First of all, not a correct sentence. Like, are you from fucking Ukraine?

Treat yourself a round of sausage. Or also a round of sausage? How many sausages is that? You fat fuck! You're... Hey, dude, you're the... You know what? You know what?

You're the next president. That's what you get for that. Hey, dude, this is unbelievable. You are a Kevin James character. You know what? That wouldn't even be good in the movie. You'd be like, that's what they picked. Treat yourself a round of sausage.

Gosh, that's amazing. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. The fact that they go were so quick on the... Oh, he's fucking up. They knew he was fucking up in the middle. Because they treat yourself. The sausage. They go, oh, dude, he's swallowing.

Get the fucking guy, the guy we paid to just hit the button. He's about to say something fucked up. Saucing! Yeah, that's a fucking idiot up there, huh? He... How does it... That's great, dude. dude. I just don't know.

I don't even know how you fucked that up, but that's fantastic. And thank you for that, sir. And how much did you not win because of the... Bro, how do you not... How do you live that down in your family? You don't. I mean, good thing they love you. Oh, good thing of my family loves me.

That's what he should have said right after. Treat yourself a round of sausage. Oh, you know what? Good thing. My family loves me. I got my buzz light your shirt on. and bro my son makes me wear it and he calls me buzz light year dude the shit love does when you have kids is insane okay guys i have a buzz light year shirt on right now i haven't because i said

dad's got to do his podcast and he said but you're buzz light here and i said all right i'll be was like you just got to do his podcast okay i'll be right back and then he said okay watch out for any adults to they watch out your the adults don't see you you got to act like a toy and i'm like okay yeah i'll do that and then he every now and then drops to the floor like a like a dummy mannequin dummy you know and because he said grown-ups are coming he doesn't want to see them and he falls down on the ground hard like the toy stories do like the toy toys do and he fucking loves toy story one two three four five and i seen one in two and five i think and five is bad so i don't have the heart to tell him but he loved it i went on letterbox

and i reviewed a bunch of movies dude oh did i talk about mortal combat too yet here oh bro did you know they even made a movie mortal combat too okay now mortal combat was and i want to say this with Zero respect. Of course bad. But you know going into that movie, it's going to be some sort of bad. If you go into Mortal Kombat 2 and you just walk in expecting a dope movie,

congratulations, you're a Mexican 8-year-old. You know what I mean? And I don't mean that racist, but it's funnier to make it more specific. I could have said white, but I'm white. It's not that funny. Right? You're just, you're trolling in with an icy

and you have no idea that it's going to give you cancer when you get older. You're just fucking fine. You're a white eight year old. It doesn't matter the color. But you know what I'm saying? Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I did and kiss my whole asshole.

Now, you know, mortal, my point is you go to Mortal Kombat 2, you know what you're going to get, at least a little bit. Okay? Now, I go to, uh, So this is my whole thing here. The best experience I had watching any of these movies was Mortal Kombat 2.

Now, it was far end away the worst movie, okay? But when you watch a movie with someone else, and I'm here to say this because I finally accepted this. because sometimes David Sullivan comes over and he's like, why don't we ever watch good movies, man? And sometimes I put on a good movie and we just sit there and we watch it. And then, you know, the other day, One Fire was here and we watched a movie. And we were having, it was a fucking terrible movie.

It was called Striking Distance. It was awful. It was in fucking 90s of Sarah, Jessica Parker and Bruce Willie. And dude, it was terrible. And we had a fucking blast. But I'm here to say this, dude. If you're alone, I'm sorry, if you're with. somebody watching a movie, it is absolutely more fun to watch a bad movie than it is to watch a good

movie. Yes, dude. I figured that out this weekend. And I'm telling you, so you know, Mortal Kombat 2 is dog shit. It's pure, wet, dog shit on wet grass. So you can't even scoop it up. it's miscast okay first of all fucking uh carl urban who i like is not johnny cage he's not johnny cage okay uh

the guy who played raiden is an asian guy that just did not have a handle on the american english language or or he did but it was too i couldn't understand him you might as well got fucking what's his name uh farce woodaker to play it i never understand that motherfucker

Watch a forest Whitaker movie Tell me what he says You got rewind it It's the deal with what we're talking about What? What? And that's the fucking climax What happened?

It was a little kid man This is what happened In the beginning And then the climax is That's why I know Always what am I talking about that What? What?

Fuck did we What is that Is that English? Even the subtitles are fucked up Because people work in them Don't know They go I don't know what he said

Just put in something About plants and so yeah but dude oh god and the acting was so bad and the green screen and and what the fuck were they thinking dude and it was a blast it really was because we were making fun of the whole thing laughing so hard dude there's one time where luke kang fucking stops being in the movie and then he comes back into the movie and you're like what the fuck dude why why are there so many characters Barraca Barack Obama

Let's fight to the death Here Finish him Worst fucking joke of the podcast ever Oh that's fine Finish him Finish him

Get over here Come here Get over here Dude I okay the best part of the movie though is so so terrible this is so terrible there's two there's two scorpions

one's young one's old I don't give a fuck you know one the young one for sure has done like solo if you look at the actor you just know and I have no idea if you did or not but I guarantee it's out there he's done solo like hardcock jerking off

picks like and they're out there. 100%. And he's not gay. You know what I'm saying? But he's like, I did it for money a long time ago, you know? I guarantee it. I'd just see in his face. You see it.

Pull that up. See if that is. And the fucking guy who played the young Scorpion. So the guy, so then there's, who gives a fuck about that guy? But then there's old Scorpion, all right? Who is like this actor that everybody loves because he was in the ring, but everything he's done since the ring fucking sucks.

He was also an army of the dead. Um, so he also doesn't have a great grasp on the English language. Now, I know that guy. I've, I've worked with him. He's a fine actor. You know, I have no hate for this dude. But you put old Scorpion in this movie. And though he sounds like this.

Just like the raiding guy. The raiding guy's worse. You can't understand. But this guy is talking like, like they say, all of his centuries for centuries. And it's all. And so he fights at the end of the movie. And he does the fucking come here or get over here thing that Scorpion does where he shoots the fucking spear connected spear out of his. Which is so stupid if you think about it out of his sleeve and then brings the guy back.

And when he does it at the end, he, dude, it's so stupid. He goes like this. Get over here. That's not how that guy sounds. he's got a mask on so you don't see him saying but he's talking to the whole movie like this and then get over here and you and and and and and and and and i guarantee it in the theater people like oh hell yeah fuck yeah eight year olds with our icies he don't even know back then but me the older people my age oh fuck yeah he did it dude he what do you mean that's not how he

sounds that that's literally like you're watching forest gump and then all of a sudden tom Hanks goes, My mother, Oliver is sad. Life is like a box of her chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. And then goes back to being like, I was running. Bro, it's just,

how do you get the guy fucking the whole movie? And then he goes, get over here. I go, that's how he sounds to say. Damn. I don't think he got how fucked up that was, dude. Anyway, you know, Mortal Kombat, dude.

Mortal Kombat 1 was bad. Mortal Kombat 2? You know, you think of these fucking executive producers that are just like, all right, yeah, he's doing it. They don't even fucking like more combat, probably, you know. Johnny Cage saves the day at the end by learning he can do a super kick.

The whole movie's like, I don't have powers. I don't have powers. I'm just an actor. And at the end, one time he does like a super kick where he turns green and he saves the day. And that's how they win. That's how they win. When everyone else is killing each other

by ripping out their spines and decapitating their fucking brain out of their head. And Johnny Cage is like, all right. I guess I'll try a superpower at the end and does it. it's a fucking green kick. The movie's horrendous.

I don't even know if I don't know what the percentage of it is. If it got 2% I'm shocked. But it was it was a blast to watch with another person though. So anyway, I'm here to say that it's better to watch something that is bad than is good with a buddy. Period. Because all movies are pretty much bad anyway, you know, unless you're watching some other shit. I'll just keep going. we can do a two-parter for the

hang I guess, where are you? You were just going to say that? Yeah, sneakily. We got poorer arrest video here. Watch the rest part two of this episode on Patreon.