Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 516. When Men Were Men

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris started listening to Black Metal! Plus Fifa Trump shenanigans, risky confessions and Mentos! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here we go. Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year too. A round of Jameson, Ginger, and Lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time. New friends pulling up a stool. Debates about whether that was a handball.

Cheers rising like a roar around the room. Because match days are about the shared moments. How did Jameson to your match day lineup? Jameson, it's what you bring. Please enjoy our products responsibly. Here we go. It is episode 516 of congratulations. Yeah, dude, we're alive and we're cracking.

It is 4th of July. We did 4th of July and it was gorgeous. It was nice, you know? We went to look at fireworks with the Griffins and there, it was very nice here in town and on the golf course. just exploded a bunch of fireworks. And Calvin liked it and Billy liked it. Calvin liked it and Calvin doesn't like loud things.

So he's growing up, you know. Dude, the two of them are so excited. First of all, let me just get into this here. I'm going to be in Brea this weekend. I'm going to be in Miami. I'm going to be in Louisville. I'm going to be in Spokane. Go to Chrissy.com, get tickets.

And also, there's going to be a European tour. So go out there. I'm going to be in Portugal, even, and then Europe and all that. So go to Chris Leah.com and Spanx. The kids, my boys, are absolutely, you know, I don't know how much of it is me or how much of it is just kids being kids. But when I'm into something, I'm into, like, I started listening to, I watched, I read this book called The Ritual, which is a movie of it. It's now on Netflix. It's a very good movie and a very good book. They're quite different, but they're both very good. And, you know, it's based on, they're based on, the movie's based on the book. It's a good movie and a good book. And so I watched a movie in the middle of reading the book, started reading a book,

and finished reading the book, whatever, that's in the here or there, but the book, the book, not the movie, but the book goes into this topic of black metal, which is a metal that started metal genre of music, black metal that came out from metal in 1980, 97, 1990,

and the difference between black metal and metal is who knows, okay? Because when you listen to a metal song, you go, oh, okay, so this is metal, and then you hear black metal. metal and you go and someone goes and this is black metal and you go oh okay and then you just pretty

much are the same exact person including any sort of idiom or iota uh that that that you that you uh that you could grow because you don't learn anything cause it's dis say all right now i understand there's difference and people will be like well melodically and then the the the two-thirds of three third two-thirds And it's about not hearing the singer, you know, black metal's more about, yeah, okay, whatever, dude, froth, froth, okay? It's froth, froth, music is what it is. And that's fine, and the first song that really kind of paved the way for black metal was called black metal by this band Venom.

And I'm just like listening to it, and I'm like, Kay. And the song and the genre birthed this, for some reason, Black metal was born in the Nordic area, and which is like the most beautiful place ever to live. And basically teens were like, nah, instead let's make black metal and worship Satan and burn a bunch of churches. And that's what happened through the year of 2000.

And then black metal kind of became a little bit more, a little bit less of a thing. But it did turn a whole like, society into this, they were scared of black metal and then black metal across, you know, Europe, they burned churches and shit because it was against Christianity. Anyway, whatever. The point is I had to start listening to the music because when I read a book, I'll watch the movie of the book, I'll watch the movie sequel, the next one, the one that's in English, the one that's in, you know, Japanese. and I'll read, I'll look in articles about it.

I read a book about black metal because this story had references of black metal and some of the characters were in a black metal band. So I go, okay, I'm going to read about them burning churches. I just am a crazy person, all right? And so I'm listening to black metal. A guy who doesn't like music and I'm just listening to it. And by the way, it's not even in English. It's in whatever the hell they speak all the way up there in Vikingland. It's like a song will be called like Kraft Lugin or some shit.

And it just like, The lay a knife of nighuroy, and you say craftlugan. And then there'll be one song that's 30 minutes long that just goes like this the whole time. And you're just like, all right, I guess that's the second song. And then it goes to the third song, horse clogging or something. And you're like, what the fuck is this? Horse clogging a young doll, rim and a fizing and lug and horse crogging.

And you go, oh man, this music is really cold and eerie for some reason. and you go, that's crazy metal music. And then someone says, it's actually black metal and you say, okay, all good. So, anyway, that's just the first kind of metal listen music that I'm listening to and I'll probably listen to all of them now. But my point is, I'm deep in the black metal shit.

Now, do I like it? I don't know. I have one album that I like the most. And it's called, hold on. it is called Apple Music, because I'm not kind of guy does Apple Music.

It is called it's by Burzum, Burzum, you know? And it is called Umskiptar. Oh, dude, a children's song. Umskitart of the lake. Umskitart of the woods.

A children's song, that's a children's song now because it used to be about the black plague when it was and nobody knows about it. I'm skittard from death. Umskitae keep your teeth. Umskittar to keep your legs. Umskittard.

Uh, so anyway, the, the album's called, I guess, umps guitar. And my favorite song on it is Alpha Dons. A children's song. Alpha dance to keep your teeth. Alpha dance to keep your legs. Alph catans. Alph Gittans, you can feel your body.

So, okay, it's playing. Sorry, guys. By mistake, I put Sertor Sunan was playing. Anyway, I'm well into this black metal ish, all right? And so, and I say, ish, because it's, I don't, I guess we could swear now, it's more a few minutes in. But, um, so I'm just like watching, I'm, I'm just like listening to this.

And I'm not just riding in my car, just, you know, literally going to meet my friend for lunch, just, and just, and I'm like, I rolled down the windows and I'm like, I don't want anyone in here that I'm listening to this. You pull up next to me, like, like a famous comedian with a cool car

and then you go, and you go, what is this dork doing? So I'm like, all right, I'm going, turn a little arm. Keep your feet on. Keep your feet on your body. Feel your body on. So, So I'm, you know, I go to pick up my kid from camp.

I don't know what the fuck I'm listening to. I genuinely, I don't know what the fuck I'm listening to, okay? But I did watch a Papa Meat video on it. Anyway, anyway, so that this is the guy that I'm telling you about me, the dad, dad, a dad, okay? And here I am watching my kids watch these. fucking videos on YouTube where you put Mentos

or as I say in a commercial Mentos the Freshmaker Remember that? Ooh-doo-doo-doo-do-do-wa Mentos fresh and good Mentos fresh and fucking cool Mentos fresh and full of life

Mentor fresh and new you're taking Mentos and be immortal and you're never duck and die watch all your friends are Rentos, wrenches, get new friends and then you watch them die do, do do, do nondung.

The Mentos, the Freshmaker. I think that song was about immortality or some shit. I don't know. Rof, Ruff, Rhymmotality, Ruff, Ruff. We keep your feet.

Rof, Ruff, feel your body. Die. Die, die, die, die. So, yeah, it's a children's song. Yeah, no, it's The plague, the fucking, the Spanish plague. Was there a Spanish plague? I don't know.

It was in there. The Nordic plague. The fucking Irish famine. I don't know. It's about something where everyone died. And now people sing it in a preschool. Yeah. It's froth, froth.

So I fucking love froth-froff music. So, um, so anyway, uh, they're watching these Mentos, videos of Mentos in, Coke, Diet Pepsi and shit. And we all know what that does. It provides a, you know, soda.

Cato Gano, Sodagasm. Soda explosion. So it's explosion. And you put the Mentos, we got put like three Mentos in there. The whole thing's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it shoots out, you know what I mean, like a geyser. And so, they're watching these videos. of Mentos, putting Mentos in the Coke,

and they're just watching it all day. And these YouTubers really figured it out, dude. They just go, you like, oh, they go like this. Uh, a thing? I'll make a 50, I'll make a two-hour video on it. And the people who like it will find it. And thank you, $15,000 because it has 19 million views. And you're like, man, they figured it out.

So there's guys like making videos of just dump. I mean, first of all, it's in, you know, Europe somewhere or over there, you know. And, you know, because there's all sorts of sodas that I don't even understand. Like, what the fuck is bitter lemon? I mean, I know what bitter lemon is, but lemon's already bitter. So bitter lemon soda? How bitter are we talking about here? You know what I mean?

Like that is it just You drink it and And fucking concave Because of how your face just goes Because it's so bitter I just lemon is fine But what is lemon? I don't know.

Foreign people, they just will Yeah, describe it more. We know it's bitter But what? We know it's lemon, but describe it more. I don't know, lemon's bitter. Yeah, so say that. Say that.

put it on the bottle lemon put bitter lemon on the bottom on the bottle piece of shit it's nice and talking but I'm nother on thurskoggin

point onto plaguing Alcatans proff and so so now they're watching this video and they just won't stop

talking about Mentos the freshman they don't even know that it's the freshman Remember those videos? Can we watch a commercial like that on here? We could. Do do do do do. Who are? Mentis, Frist and full of life.

No, do, do never thy own. Mentos. The Freshmaker. Such a dumb. Sounds like a wrestler. Oh, no. Here comes Mentos. Oh, I remember this one.

1992, bro. They killed it. Well, how about how I fucking pretty much kind of nailed it. a little bit. And I haven't heard it in two or three, maybe three decades. Do do, do, do, do, do, do, how about I fucking nailed it, dude? And I was 12 and I heard this shit. Anyway, here we go. Okay. How did, I know the 90s was a different decade than the 80s, but how was some shit in the 90s even more 80s than the 80s, dude? Just so many bags, these people. behind a fucking mercury

stable oh the guy got caught first of all this dude who didn't make it in between the two cars because his friends did is a bitch dude look at this

one two three the chicks make it and then dude this dude this dude is a bitch across Canada in a Volvo

destination Vancouver turn left to leave travel west through Approaching. Continue toward. You've arrived.

Adventure and comfort with Volvo. Whether you prefer gas, plug-in hybrid, or fully electric, there's a Volvo for everyone. Learn more at VolvoCars.a. On July 16th, The Hawk lands on Netflix. From the mind of Will Farrell.

Oh, Mama, I'm back. Come in a month. Come in a new original series. Get ready, get ready. That's it. Did I stutter? When an iconic pro golfer. Lonnie?

Monty! Hawkins! Takes one last swing of greatness. You were a big shot golfer? I still am a big shot golfer. No one. Dad, I'm the Hawk now. We'll stand in his way.

That's how it's done. The Hawk, only on Netflix, July 16th. Doesn't matter what comes. And then they're watching them, like, oh, no, shit. Look, all whites in it. Fucking, back when men were men. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm saying it because it's the thing, you know.

I'll be there one minute. Look, on the way, dude. Oh, man, how much of one of these guys is Kip, Perdue. Oh, dude, he gets in the car. Oh, dude. The guys, excuse me, there's another white guy in the car back with men, we're men. I'll see you later. He goes through the car.

Look at this. Mentos, the Freshmaker. Bro, gets out of the car, then goes like this to the guy who went in the car, and the guy's just like, that guy just abused my car.

That guy just non-consensually went in my backseat. And fucking, he shows the Mentos, and there goes, ha, ha, ha. Bro, if, let me tell you something. First of all, first of all,

the kid could have gone around the back of that car. All right? You don't have to fucking, it's taken longer by unlawful. First of, also, the older dude in the car, lock your goddamn doors, okay? But I digress. Somebody gets in the backseat of my fucking car like that.

Oh, okay. All of us, hey, have you seen the game crazy taxi? Well, buckle up, bitch. Oh, dude. Oh, you're player one? You're, we're, we're, you're now a pass. in my car. Fucking fish tailing,

no seatbelt because he thought he was going to be leaving soon. Crashing up against the Mentos fresh. Just bashing his skull, bleeding, fat lip. Still the music going, Mentos freshen, mentos freshen. Mentos fresh and full of life. Like this. Mentos, the Freshmaker, fizzing out of his mouth because the fucking Mentos says,

full of life. Do noong. Friends crying, looking at it. Frof, froth. Arcadans. Alcatans. And so the guy died.

So anyway, that's my Mentos commercial. God, that would be a great Mentos commercial. That would be a great spoof to do on Mentos. Oh, just a new candy. I got to do that. I got to shoot that. Just making a new candy. Someone bothers Sam on Instagram and tell him we got to shoot this thing.

where the new candy where the guy every time the guy takes a new candy, he dies a horrible day. Oh shit, dude. Call it fucking ImmortalOs. Or I guess immortalos or something. Where's cereal. Anyway.

So, you know, they're watching these fucking, and Calvin's just like, hey. You know, he's at the point where he's, level with me he just goes hey and i'm like huh and he's like we got to get pepsi i'm like what are you

talking about he says we got to get Pepsi we got to get a bunch of mentos and we got to put bentos and a Pepsi and i'm like cal it's kind of a waste and he goes yeah but it's fine and billy come and i look over and billy's looking at me he's like yeah haptych am mental and i'm like oh, memtoes playing the Pepsi hands blowing. I'm just like, yeah, okay. Maybe, guys, I don't know, you know. And all day, all two, three, four days, we've been watching these Mentos fresh and full of,

those Mentos, you know, coax and explode and orange soda exploding. And they're so into it, you know. And so I'm thinking, sitting there and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, dude, this is literally exactly what I'm doing when I'm driving, listening to Alka dance. Umskatar. It's exactly, I'm, I can't, I start to read one book. I, I, I, I, I'll catch a whiff of a hamburger and then get a, and get a, and that fucking three weeks later, I have 10 hamburger tattoos on my back. I, I just, and they go,

oh, you don't put cheese? I go, I smelled the hamburger. Hamburgers what I smells. That's what I do. So I'm going to get on a fucking hamburgers. I don't know. It's just, so is that a kid thing?

Or is that a me thing? Or did I never grow up? If it's a kid thing, did I never break out of that? Because Calvin loves, you know, just what he loves, bro. And I know kids love what they love, but my man, Calvin is just,

I mean, dude, we saw a Torst Story 5. He dressed like Woody for five days. Blisters in his feet because of cowboy boots. Made me be Buzz Lightyear. My son's starting a cult, you know? Wear this. It's pure. Where this and eat these fucking mentos, it's pure.

This is the body of Christ. So, you know, we figured because he was artistic, we put him in art camp, you know. So we did. And, you know, we're like, oh, you're going to have to do art camp. summer and he's like oh yeah great and uh art camp turned into uh he he turned into uh he turned into uh like just he's like what is what is it once it got closer he's like hold hold on what's you know this is what by the way this is what i do too somebody will be like you want to go to fucking somebody just invited me to rick rubin's multiverse what the fucks he call it la la land

Shangri-la, right? Is that what it is? I don't know. A listening parties. And my instinct was to be like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, sure, yeah. I'll let you know, but I think so.

And I'm like, what am I going to fucking do there? Listen to music? A listening, a listening party is crazy. I know it's the thing now. A listening party is crazy. Send it to me. Oh, it's 2026? Send me the link.

At best, I'll listen to it when everyone says they're listening to it at the same time, but in the comfort of my own town. Also, is it black metal? I'm not listening to it. Black metal is my thing now. So is it from the makers of Umskatar? From the makers of Umskatar comes Alkadan's. From the makers of Umskatar comes Hyder. H-E-I-D-R for some reason.

Hider. So, can you take me hideer? I had no myself at this point, dude. But I know a lot of music. No, you're enemy. So, but anyway, so we're bringing our class. And now he's just like, hold on, when is that?

And we go, it's tomorrow. And he goes, what the fuck is that? He doesn't say, fuck. You know, because what's this? There's a class. You go, it's like summer. It's like, school? Like, which is, I, I, I already did all this.

I get it. I know exactly what he's to get. My parents say, you go to camp, I go like this. What's it like? Oh, it's like you go there, you go, when is it? Nine to, you know, noon. Oh, this is a fucking school? No, it's more fun than school.

It sounds like fucking school. What do you do? Well, you know, you bring your swim trunks and shit and a pen and paint. so it's supposed to be more fun. Yeah, but do you fucking... Are there a lot of kids there? Yeah. It's fucking school.

We're just not doing math. I... I... I... And I know that's what my son's thinking. He's like, well, there's an art class. I don't want to go. The day before.

We're already signed you up. It's gonna be fun. He's like, but I'm scared. I'm like, yeah, but of what? I don't know the people there. He literally said, what's the room look like? I'm like, wow. Yeah, this kid's me, bro.

To be scared of a place because you don't know what the room's going to look like, is the most crystallia-coated shit. So I bring him, and I bring Billy too with me. Dad's bringing him the first day. And he's worried, dude. And he gets there,

and we meet the teachers, and we're at the class, and, you know, I brought the roll of paper towels, just like they asked me to. And he's tripping, know he's like i don't i don't know if i don't want to do this his other buddy's there but he's like i can i don't know his other buddy's like he's like are you okay and he's like i don't want to i don't know and um

you know i'm like all right buddy look i'm gonna stay here for 10 minutes i'm gonna stay here for a bit with billy we're gonna chill make sure you're good get you acclimated and you're gonna be all good he says okay and he keeps so he's over near station he keeps looking over at me every now and then i could see he's like starts to well up you know and i'm like i give him a wink you know he comes back up to me and he's just like, Dad, I can't do this. And I said, yes, you can. Don't say that.

You can do it. I know it's hard. He said, but I'm scared. I said, I know you're scared. And that's part of life. You're going to be scared and you're going to get through it. I know exactly how you feel. And one thing that's cool about, I'll tell you this,

me as a dad, when my son is saying he's scared of something, I can look him in the face and truly, say, I know exactly how you feel, because I did feel that way. And that is the truth. And that's awesome. And I feel good that I can do that. Okay. I'm not like, yeah, I get fear. I understand the deep I, this is, I was always, I was more scared than you, bud. And I was dude. Poo. I would have came up with ways of fucking breaking out of that goddamn, you know, camp. Anyway, he's like, uh, I realize that he's scared and I'm starting to think of like what's it like being an adult?

What do you need when you're out? I'm like, oh, you know what? I open up my wallet and for some reason I have cash even though it's 2026, right? Or or or and even though I'm not in Pittsburgh, right? Pittsburgh all day fucking uses cash. All we do is take cash. All right.

You do use Veno? The fuck is that. All right. Do you have a, do you take Apple pay? What fuck? You're going to pay me in apples? never mind here here's four dollars um so uh i i go oh you need i i can give him money i i have uh

a hundred and eleven dollars in my wallet okay i have one hundred and a five and six ones so i give him five the five and six ones and i say hey buddy i'm going to give you some money you see how there's like stuff over there you can buy like soda like a like they got poppy drinks and snacks and water and here if you need anything or if you're feeling kind of like nervous and you want something take some of this money and go ahead and get get something over there you know popcorn or whatever the heck you want and he goes oh my gosh really and i said yeah and he says well you don't have to give me all your money you don't don't waste it all on me i mean this kid's the sweetest kid in the world and i say it's okay buddy and i look i got a lot of money look i got this one this one's a hundred

And he was like, oh, whoa. And I was like, so you take this $11 and you use it if you need to and have a good day. She's okay. So he walks back to the station. And I said, I'm going to leave with Billy. And he's scared, you know, and I leave with Billy. And on the way out, I call like five minutes later. I'm like, hey, I just left.

Is he okay? And they're like, oh, yeah, he's doing a little bit better. You know, it's okay. So I go to do my day. And then I get home. And I get home around the same time Calvin gets home. And Calvin comes running in the door. And he goes, Dad.

And I said, what? I said, was it good? I knew you could do it. And he said, yeah. He said, but I'm so sorry. I used all your money. And I said, oh, that's okay. Good, good.

What did you get? And he holds up five rolls of Mentos, dude. He got fucking men. And he says And we have And Joe got Coca-Cola So his day

When Dude, he had the best And I'm like Yes! This is the fucking Are you kidding me? Sometimes life It just works out

Just crying at camp Fuck yeah, dude Sometimes life walks out You've been fucking scared and you'll be at camp and your dad gives you fucking 11 dollars. Then he lives a man. Sometime during the four hours of camp, you realize you can fucking get Mentos, Mentos, the Freshmaker.

Yeah, dude. He fucking, so anyway, I'm so proud. And man, we fucking went out there and put Mentos in Diet Pepsi and that shit exploded like a geyser, dude. and Calvin hid behind a pillar because he was like, well, I don't want to get it on me. I'm like, Cal, it doesn't go that far.

It's not a fucking atom bomb. Billy was right up there. He's like, I'm putting my face. The difference between the two of them are crazy. Can you do it my nostrils? Can you put it? Can I put my nose in it when you do it? How do we get it to come out my ear?

My ears. Anyway, dude. We love it, dude. I love, uh, I love being a dad, man. I love nothing more than being a dad. Oh, boy.

Okay. Beatboxing to another level. You know, beatboxing is so silly, and this guy's kind of owning it. Dude, you know what? How about this? When beatboxers do a little bit of words, I'm out. This episode is brought to you by L'Oreal Group. Beauty is a powerful force that moves us.

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Dude, it kind of slaps, but it sucks, but it sucks, but it sucks too. Like, what's this guy figuring out? What's that hat the guy's got to? penis on his head. Wicked, dude. Don't ever fucking say wicked during a hit. That's great, though. Good for him to do that.

I'm skittar. I think that that's pretty, you know, bad to do that. It's pretty bad to do beatboxing, period. Fucked my best friend's son. Ha, whore. Dude. I fucked my best friend's son. Ah, that's what?

I fucked my best friend's son. Go to each double hockey sticks. I fucked my best friend's son. Just an all-around mixed up. Is this too much? Intentionally? No, so it was kind of funny because Going to hell.

So I'll tell you the story. I'll tell you like the quick version of it. Well, he's, I mean, he's hot. He's 25. He's in the Marines. Hell yeah. Good military guy. Well, he was home on leave.

Hell yeah. And my best friend knew that I've always had a crush on him because this is, dude, you know, you know, women, you know. Just fucking, you know, and by the way, this woman, yeah, hell yeah, dude. Do a fucking Spanish tutor high five with her. I used to have a Spanish tutor where he would give me five like this when I get a good on the test, which was like twice. Give her that. Give her the fucking App Roberts high five.

And I'm just like, this is great. Bro, the roles were reversed? Hale! Dude, I, I, I, women just, you know, it really fucked, it really fucked everything up. It really fucked everything up. The, the bitch-ass motherfuckers, dude, the dudes. The dudes fucked everything up. Guys, we had it made.

We had it made. And the second these losers came out and was like, oh, let me pretend to, you know, like the same things you like and be like you to women. That's when women started being like this is what I like. And they started walking all over these cuck motherfuckers. And now, you know what, dude? You made your bed, man. So if your female friend is going to fuck your 25 year old kid, oh, you done

fucked up, dude. Oh, and you can't do it, by the way. You can't do it. if you're her age as a guy and fuck your friend's 25 year old daughter oh bro hell to pay because of the cucks that were just like well yeah okay no i'll listen to your problems and talk about them like you fucking want to dude you go just you nod your head and you go yeah that's cool all right cool i'm gonna go chop some wood you know what i mean not actually that but something you know like that i'm gonna go i'm gonna go out there and be defensive bye

These cucks, bro. These chair sitters. They fucking ruined it. Like, I'll show you a picture, like, he's hot. Just tall and muscles. And she never said stay away from my son. Never. No.

She's very, like, open. Like, she was like, she was the porn star that was never a foreign star. She wanted her son to get some pussy. For sure. Props. You know, she was a dancer. She was a feature entertainer. Let me imagine that's reverse, dude.

The dad. I never told her to the fucking, you know, she's 25. Yeah, you know. That she should. For sure. So she was just kind of, you know, she was very open. But so anyhow, he was home on leave and she was like, oh, Josh's home. And I was like, oh.

And she knew that I wanted to tap it. Tap it, dude. And I love military men. I have. Can't tap it? That sounds like the dude's job. Like, I love it when it, when it. sometimes like it's kind of okay if a woman says yeah i fucked him but when a

sometimes a guy be like man she fucked me so good it's like bro what are you saying in your ass hey dude she did what hey dude you did it was she behind you she She fucked you, man? With what? You say with what? If your friend said, oh, she fucked me so good. Oh, yeah, with what?

A roll a fucking stack of rollo's? Mentos. Mentos fresh in, fresh in mentos. Mentos fresh and fresh and fresh and full of life. Mentos. You're a cock. Mentos. She fucked you.

I don't know. This is a joke in here somewhere. I don't want to do it. I like the basicness of the she fucked you, okay? but anyway such an appreciation for our military men I'll say I'm from the

battalion So anyhow they were out drinking And she brings him To my house afterwards Oh bro this mom's crazy I mean you know he's 25 so it's okay Like a sacrificial lamb Imagine if a guy

fucking said Any of this Holy shit Oh my God dude Yeah and she And he brought her to me like a sacrificial lamb Bro this guy's listening to fucking Umskita while he's doing it

It's like You took it though girl Oh fuck yeah I did And I fucking I was like oh she has no idea that I am just going to destroy him With what And like ruin his life

And I remember Oh I'm mad if I said it I'm going to drain his fucking bank account and give him scurvy. I'm going to withhold fruit from him for a year and give him scurvy. Women are evil, and they can get away with it. It's crazy. They're not all evil.

But the ones that are evil, holy fucking cock sucking shit. And they'll pretend like, they're not. I'll not say she's evil. Props to her. I remember the night she dropped him off. It was pouring rain. It was dark because they all were out drinking at the bar. And I was like, well, when you guys are done getting lit,

so he was drunk too. Dude, Ray Charles on this accountability. Stevie wander in a bar called accountability. This hurt around accountability. White-ass eyes Wonky-ass shit like this Oh my The fuck this double stand you're lover

I got a bottle of wine opened Drugs you're winning in your lingerie I was coming over So I had like a cutie outfit But I had the lingerie underneath Like I had full game plan And it was probably some of the best Dick I've ever had

Lies Lies. I'm sorry, but I call cap, dude. That is fucking cap. I will tell you right now. First of all, you know, she's lying because she said, some of the best dick. I know, I know this woman is probably,

she knows a way around a dick. But, dude, cap. And I don't mean 25 is cap. 25, you could be a superior fucker. Bro. And look at me. Look at me when I say this, everybody who's watching YouTube.

Hey, over here. military bro I guarantee you and I just I love hey God bless our troops God bless our troops you know

you're everywhere you go about our troops in America the ones in the Middle East the ones for some reason they're in fucking other places too I don't know if you know this but like we have troops fucking stationed in like

you know Spain for some reason and like fucking what do you call the Nigeria like they're there for some reason i don't know why just in case all shit goes crazy but if you were to round up the top and i mean this 20% of male fuckers and i mean ability wise right according to women okay that aren't brainwashed in any way and i'm i'm i'm dead serious dude maybe six or seven of them are in the military.

The top 20% fuck. I mean six or seven, not percent. Guys. Okay. And you, oh. And you got one? I don't think so, dude.

Military guys can't fuck. Period. I said it. Oh, dude, I don't, you know, they mostly can't. They can be kind of good, but they can't, they can't really get that

creme de la creme. to kind of where the women goes, oh, that kind of shit, no military guys accessing that portal. No military guy is accessing that, oh, make the woman do the interesting. You're going to make the woman do the interesting? You can't. Oh, huh. Get out of here. With what?

I'm talking about, you know, who can make the women. You know who can make women do the interesting artists. And I'm sorry to say it because I hate those motherfuckers too. I hate the heroin ass. Motherfuckers, good dudes that go like this. What? They can make women do the interesting. Oh.

You know, when you access that portal, there's no military dude. Prit, Prit, Prit, Prit, Prit, Prit, Prit. No women are like, okay, let's get through this. I'm sorry. But the top 20, percent of fuckers how many are in the military five six seven I just don't believe it he don't believe it

but anyway congratulations to this woman who's who's basically Stevie Wonder in a room full of accountability like military guys why because it was served to you or because it was just that good of dick he was just I mean we were

good question Props on the question, dude. This is the hard hitting porn journalism that I like. It is because she's she's kind of in a way slightly calling out her bullshit. Like we had each other's numbers. So we were like I wasn't he was just like a stranger? No, no, no, not at all. Like I was talking to him when he was in Germany.

I would send him little care packages and, you know, we would flirt back and forth. You're sure you still haven't been in love after lockup. You don't have a prison in there. No, we're not doing love after love. See, here's the thing. And now I get it. And thank you to the hard-hitting journalists that asked her this question. That's a porn star, too, I'm assuming.

The reason why it was some of the best dick ever was because of what happened before the fucking. And that arguably is what makes, that's the most, that's great from women. Like they say, never stop dating your wife. You know, you never try to woo, stop wooing your wife because it keeps it interesting. It keeps her wanting to, you know, foreplay is everything up until sex. Everything. Everything. Even, you know, it's from, it's literally from the last, you know how like when you're a kid, you're like, okay, Christmas ends and you're like, 365 more days till Christmas.

That is when the poor four play starts, the 364 days before the sex. And, you know, uh, So that's what it is, you know? And then there's the thing about, here's the thing about it for guys. And it sucks. We got to do that. Because once we, once we married, it's like, all right, just fucking, you don't want to give it to me, man. Especially guys in the military.

You think military guys are still dating their wives? No, fuck no, dude. So, so this is what you liked. And that's fine, but don't say. And I know I sound like a dude that's like a hate. I'm not a hater. I'm glad they did it. But bro, do not sell me this fucking snake oil that a 25-year-old military dude is some of the best dick that anybody ever had.

No hate on the guy. Do not. Do not. Do not fucking sell me that. My mom texted me at one o'clock in the morning and four o'clock in the morning the other night. I'm just like, Ma, what are you doing? And I woke up at one. Dude, I woke up at one.

No, I woke up to pee. And my mom sent me a text. And she was like, are you doing peptides? What are you doing? Don't, we don't, don't do this. What if something, you, this and that, I'm like, Mom. And I woke up and I go, what? No, no, no, no, no.

What she first said was take that video down. What are you doing? The videos, don't, don't do videos like that. You're showing off your body. And I'm like, I say, what video you're talking about? She's like, the one about the peptides. And four o'clock in the morning, then she raised me. I'm like, ma, my doctor said,

to do it. I fucking checked with my doctor. I got other doctors involved. It's fine. And then she apologized, dude. All that happened pretty much without me. Nothing. I didn't really have much to do with it. That's the best when you can just like just ride till the wheel. The wheels are fall. off and I'm really not even in the car. She's just driving, just thinking about me. And I'm, and nothing's happening. I said, Ma, she called me. I said, Ma, it's fine. It's, it, it, they're sponsoring me to do these peptides. It feels good. I have fucking less lower back pain now. Like, it's all good. She's like, yeah, I knew. I, I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, well,

you know what? Don't be thinking it. Don't be thinking it. Don't be. be thinking at one and four. Maybe be thinking at one of them, but not both of them. Be sleeping, at least at one of them. Do you go to sleep, later, wake up early? Pick one. Think when you wake up.

Think when you go into bed. But don't only be getting three hours of sleep. So I'm just like, I don't know. Bro, why you put this red card reversal? Is it interesting? President Donald Trump conference he asked FIFA to review. Oh. Oh, I saw this.

This is crazy. For the president to step in on a fucking game. It's a game. At the end of the day, it's a game. Ah, you're bombing someone. You're in the president of bombing someone. Oh, shit, yeah? You want us to re-card?

You want us to check the card? Oh, dude. You're in a president of bombing someone. Oh, dude, focus on bombing someone. And he's our best player or one of our best players. It's a very... And he gave him a... I didn't know what that meant.

I didn't think it meant much. Oh, he didn't even know what it meant, dude. And it intervened. And intervened. Dude, talk about, holy shit. Hearing that that means you can't play in the next game, at least in the next game. And I said, boy, that's a big, you know, if it happened to another player, it would have been unfair. But when they take your best player or just about, they have some great players, but, and they say you can't play.

That's very unfair. That's, you know, it's one thing. Oh, you know what it is, dude? Soccer. Hey, dude. It's football. It's not, that's, that's actually, that is what it is. Those are the rules.

Does he really listen to the rules? But how do you penalize them for a game that hasn't been played yet? It's very unfair. You can't do that. George Carlin. Yes, I asked, what's on review by FIFA? Oh, dude. dude

could you President Donald Trump said Monday he called FIFA president Gianni Infantino By the way Are you fucking kidding me with that name

Infantino Ah chilevenorno I'm gonna be the world He's seven Oh no Here comes Johnny Infantino I fucking hate when he shits his pants Oh, it's a dump.

To review the red card given to United States men's national team striker, Filarian Bologan. I mean, you know, Game of Thrones. Only till Fularian Bologan shows up with Giovanni Infantino. Hey, where are the dragons? Do you have those big golden eggs? In the teams match against Bosnia, Herzegovina, I feel like they make new fucking.

countries, bro. And I know that sounds so ignorant, American and stupid guy. But like, you're gonna sneak. They're sneaking some countries in into the new, and the World Cup, you're sneaking some new country, new countries

into the fucking game. Bosnia, fine. I get, I have heard of that. Herzegovina? You fucking snuck that one in here, 2006. You snuck it in. Congratulations. You did it. It's here. in the round of 32 at the World Cup calling it a horrible call.

I'm just taking that fucking call. Hi, Gianni Infantino, please. Let me transfer you over. Hello? Hold on a second. Take the diaper. Take this one and then put that in the one. Hello.

Hi, it's Trump. Yeah. That was a bad call. Infantino, dude. Love it. What did, ruling, they didn't go for it, right?

Did they, did they, did they, did they, they reversed it? This is crazy. So this is unfair, right?

I mean, all I did was ask for review. I didn't say, you have to do this, Trump said, at the White House media briefing Monday. Yeah,

but dude, you can't be the president and fucking ask for something like this. What do you think they're going to do? No, and they get hit

with all these fucking taxes and shit? Actually, I don't know. Ah, well, okay, fine. We're going to audit you. I'm in Italy. Nah, we're going to figure out a fucking way to audit you.

This man is a smart, tough man, Johnny Infantino. He is a smart, tough man, and his stock has gone through the roof because the job he has done in the degree. As if that's what should be about the president. That's what being the president should be. I feel like we have to have all the best players on the field. That's crazy.

Look at this. Yes, I regularly discuss matters related to the FIFA World Cup with the president of the United States. And on this matter, I did receive a call from president. or Donald Trump, just as I received calls from the heads of state, government officials, football stakeholders, and business executives from around the world on many different issues. That's a government's tracks.

Why did they even give him a fucking red card? He just killed someone. And I guess that's that. So I appreciate you. Thanks for listening. Go check out my schedule. I'll be everywhere. Go to chrysalet.com.

And thank you very much. See you this week, Brea. fucking five you're scared fucking fucking wilds. I don't know fucking wild fucking wild