Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 517. A Godly Woman

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris learns when and mostly when not to snitch from Crip Mac, meets Owen the foodie kid, and spends some quality time with his Italian mother. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My name is Peter Parker, but I'm also Spider-Man. This July, we're faced with a threat. That can be anyone. The world may have forgotten Peter Parker. I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor. But he hasn't forgotten them. Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing. That's my responsibility.

Talk to Banner? I didn't know you could get that big. Spider-Man, brand-new day in theaters, July 31st. Hey guys and welcome to episode 517 of congratulations. What's up? It's lit. Dude, uh, finally my facial hair is gray enough to where I like it again. Yeah, dude, because I didn't like it for a while. It wasn't gray enough and it wasn't black enough. And now it's gray enough. I wanted, I've been wanting to dye my hair gray. I want it to be gray. I'm finally getting gray as kind of. I'm finally getting gray's coming in and my hair hair, my head hair. And that's going to be just game over when I got it like that, dude. But yeah, I will be in Louisville, Miami, Washington, D.C. this weekend.

I will be in Portugal. I mean, I got a bunch of European dates coming up, Tulsa. That's not European, but I will be in Tulsa. Buffalo, New York, Springfield, Missouri, all these spots. Um, it's been fun. I was in Brea this last weekend. I had a tough weekend, man. Like not, not professionally, just like, emotionally, you know?

When you have it when you're just like, oh, man, what's going on? What am I doing? I'm just walking kind of from place to place. And then I'll get in the car and go to the other place. And then it's, it's time for that thing. You ever do that? and you know it is what it is though i feel healthy except you know sometimes you just get these in this mind state where you're just like oh what's it all for but uh and the answer is your kids it's for

it's all it's all for my kids and my family uh and all that uh but yeah so it is um july now oh And it was a hot one, man. I actually, July, 2006, I remember when I saw a, when I was young, I was maybe,

I mean, I had to be, I don't even know if I was a teenager. I must have not been because this doesn't sound congruent for a teenager. But when I was, uh,

younger than that, I guess, I was so younger. Um, I was, I saw a thing on the checkout line at some grocery store, and it said that the world was going to end in whatever it was. I mean, we're well past that now.

We're well past that date now. But I remember it freaking me the, I mean, just freaking me out. It was like the inquirer or something, too, nothing reputable. It was nothing reputable. It was like the inquirer or Rolling Stone or something. thing. But it said this and it was just like really messed me up. I thought about it for a long time. I was very scared. I told my parents my parents like, don't worry about that. And that should that should be illegal. Is it illegal? No, no, no. It's not illegal to say somebody claimed that.

But it really messed me up, dude. And I'm thinking about it still. The things that you think that you think about still are unbelievable dude and then the things that you forget are unbelievable you know i went to my parents and i stayed over there the other night they're getting old and um slept in some my mom's like why don't you take to good bed upstairs and i went upstairs it was after i drove home from brea and she was like you want something neat my mom's basically not she's a fraction of Tony Soprano mom. She's not evil like Tony Soprano's mom. I don't even know if Tony Soprano's mom knows that she's evil,

but my mom is a fraction of that without the evilness. And like, you know, I posted an Instagram where she's like, guess who's dead? You know, and she just calls me and tells me this. What's up with moms just all being the same? I posted that and everyone's like, oh, dude, when did you call my mom? my mom is that same thing what is what is it about moms it's not dads dude if you want to argue men and women are different the number one thing is once kids leave the house moms just start telling you

who dies it's like all right well i guess i'll just hang around like you know once we left you know my dad was at work and my mom must have just been like all right i guess i'll start talking to myself and get Facebook now. Like, and just, just forget it. Because what is there to live for after that? And I don't mean, obviously, there's life to live, and you want to enjoy it, and you can go on trips,

and you can do anything, and you can, you know. But, like, after that, after you've fulfilled what most women, the need, the motherly need, after that must be, dude, if I tell you what, if I was a woman and I had kids, and then they left the house after, after, you know, high school, I go, all right. Honestly, I'm going to join the Marines.

Or, you know, or, or, you know, I let it take me down the dark path. Or I'm like, okay, I'm going to robbing banks or I'm going to get into serial killing. Because I can't imagine what it's like to have something so amazing to take care of and grow and and guide, rather, and then have them leave. And now I say that I'm, you know, and I am, I am a dad. I think it's probably different for mothers because you came from them. I mean, you came from the dad, too, but you know what I mean? The mother stored you for a while. But yeah, dude, I went over and my mom was just like, it was so funny, dude.

I got there, and I was like, I'm just going to eat some ice cream. So I took some ice cream out of the freezer, and my mom goes, like she was like, oh, boy. Give in, you know, or like, be comfortable. Huh. Just so happy. The next morning, I noticed she's like, take the good bed.

So I'm like, all right, I go upstairs. I don't even know what she's talking about good bed, you know. She just talks, you know, so I just go up. I'll just take the first bed I see. And to be honest, it was a shit bed. It was too short. I couldn't even fit in it. But I'll be damned if I'm getting up.

Dude, that's something about me, man. If I'm already in bed and I need something, guess I'll get it tomorrow. I'll go to sleep with sand in my mouth. I'll be so dry. Speaking of which, can you grab me a bottle of water, dude? Thanks. I'll get, I will be so dry and go to bed and I go, fuck this. I ain't getting up.

Nah, body. Nah, body. Nah. And then I go and then I wake up and I wake up like, bro, one of the memes I saw is like, no one. He said, no one. Then it said me at 3 a.m. and a guy was drinking a huge glass of water

and I love that meme because dude it really is. It really do be like that. I mean, I can't believe. And if I take tracadone to help me get sleep, forget it, dude. Sahara, in my mouth just so dry.

You know what I mean? And but yeah, but I'll be taking me. I have a, I haven't i don't take tracetone too much but when i do oh my gosh the dreams and the dryness are mental mental my and absolutely mental the way it is dry and and with the dreams mate i'll just have a dream about an ex that i had you know 20 years ago what what you doing still in there what we doing so uh then i slept in a bed woke up and my mom kept on saying like how great is that

bad. And I'm just like, I don't, you know, moms get to the kind of age where you don't have to say things back to them too much because they're, they're not really saying things that you need to talk back to, you know what I'm saying? Like, they'll just be like, the weather is so nice. And you go, like, what do you say to that? Yeah. That's fucking, I got to go, yeah now. Yeah. you know sometimes I'm tired sometimes doing yeah it's like a push-up so I come downstairs and she's just like that bed is great huh I love that bed I when I sleep that in that bed I sleep it just on and on about this fucking bed and I'm just like I don't know what she's talking about the bed's

not that good I must have been in the wrong bed there's two beds up two bedrooms upstairs you know I must have been in the wrong bedroom because she slept on the couch downstairs for some reason that she'd been doing that and and I was like I I eventually had to be like, Ma, I don't know what you're talking about. The bed was not comfortable. And she's like, what? And I said, yeah, but I slept in the one on the left. And she's like, oh, well, why'd you do that for? And I'm like, I don't know, Ma. I don't really give a fuck, you know, I just, it was just too short. Well, of course it's too short. You're big. Why didn't you sleep in the other one? It's like you died and went to heaven. That's what she said. She actually said that. I didn't know people actually said that.

Oh, you get under the covers. It's like you die and go to heaven, which I, you know, is support. I don't know why they throw death in that saying. Just say go to heaven. It's like you choke on a fucking marble and it takes you a while to fucking suffocate out and then you go to heaven.

It's like you slip and fall and the back part of your head crashes against a loose rock and it just concaves your skull, uh, shorting your brain. and smashing it into smithereens, and you die and go to heaven. Oh. So anyway, I, I said that.

And then she was like, oh, God. And she was like, you want to eat something? I mean, it's just like the most Italian mom shit of all time. And I'm like, I don't know. She's like, we got eggs. And I'm like, yeah, thanks. She just loves me so much. and I'm trying to like, you know, navigate around that.

Thanks for loving me so much, but it's not time for that. I just woke up. But anyway, no, obviously I'm joking. Jesus Christ. We're so sensitive now. Now sometimes I make these jokes and I think people are going to get offended. And I'm like, oh, dude, I got to, can I just understand humor now?

I did a TikTok. I put a TikTok up, a crowdwork. And I'm fucking killing this. lady who interrupted the show. I go on Instagram and I post it. It does really well. And I see all the comments are like, wow, this is amazing. I go on TikTok. It does really well. And I go into the and I comments are like, well, dude, this drags on for so long. Why did you do this? Why are you mean to her? And I'm like, do you don't get comedy. I didn't fucking do any. This lady wouldn't stop talking. Okay, bro, 30 seconds is good, but keep it moving. I can't help it you have a dumb fucking

attention span? Like, do people like that even watch movies? I don't think so. Anyway, it's as long as it's gonna be. So, God, the stuff that pops in my head. One time I was in college at NYU, I went for one year,

and we were watching some stupid video of masks where a guy put on masks and was like acting. It was like stupid, almost kind of kabuki-like theater. It wasn't Japanese, but it was just like this is what happens when I put on my mask and I'm going to do now you have to feel the mask first you have to feel them feel the mask first you put it down and you just take in the energy and then you put it on and now this part it takes as long as it's going to take so you're just

going to have to sit there and you're going to have to wait because it takes as long as it takes and I'm like what the fuck are we watching dude so now I always think when I see a mask it's it's going to take as long as it takes so anyway uh I I I realize I'm going to be there for a little bit Now it's a Sunday, you know, and I'm just going to chill with my family before I go home. And I get, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to make fucking eggs. And so I grab eggs. I make some, you know, three or four fried eggs.

I put it on my, on my island and on her island. You know, there's like a little island in the kitchen. And as soon as I put it down, she looks at it, she says, oh, good, Chris. I'm just like, she's like, she's like, Yeah, good. You just make the net? You just made the eggs? Look at that. And I'm just like, and she's on the phone with my aunt, her sister. She's like, Chris just made eggs, you know? Just came in here and made eggs and things. I'm like, good for him. And I'm like, dude, I got to navigate around this love, dude. And I love it. But I got to navigate around it sometimes. Do you know what I'm saying? And here's the fucked up part, dude. I go to Billy, my second born. And he's playing. And I go up to him and I say, can I give you a kiss?

And he says, no. And I'm like, this, it doesn't, okay, I get it now. I get it. I get it. It fucking, you know, but all for the kids because like I want to. And this is why I hug my mom more now. I try to make it a point to hug my mom more and kids aren't a cheek more because I know how it feels. Dude.

And, you know, I'm still young. I'm only 46 and I got a lot of learning to do. But it was weird to stay the night at my parents' house. It made me feel all fucking like. I was in some Ed Burns movie that came out in 1999. Or like some fucking, ugh. Boy, was there a worst time in movies than 2000 to 2009 or something?

All those fucking stupid comedies, like road trip and fucking American pie? You know, look, I didn't like American pie. But after American pie, it was just horrendous. everybody on the poster like this. Oh, I hated that, dude. And there was a stoner somewhere in the back on the, on the poster. All those fucking movies, dude.

Oh, they were terrible. The most piss poor fucking comedies. And, you know, I started, I was thinking about that kind of shit, but about how it used to be so bad. They're still bad, though, dude. In 20 years, we're going to look back on these movies. We're going to be like, what the fuck was that three billboards won? What the fuck was that three billboards and Mississippi won or whatever?

And we're going to be like, which one? Anyway, it won awards and shit. Fuck off. It is what it is. Anyway, R.P. Lindsay Graham, I guess. I don't even know. What did the guy do? Is that the guy who got sucked off in the Minneapolis airport?

No, who's that? Who was the guy that was tapping in the Minneapolis airport? get a fucking suck job. Who's tap dancing? Who's playing Gregory Hines in the fucking Minneapolis bathroom? Do you remember who was? You?

Larry Craig. Okay, two first names. Can't trust a guy like that. But, I can't trust a guy named Larry, period. But leisure suit Larry, remember that game? But yeah,

Lindsay Graham, he probably fucked a bunch of like twinks though you know this is the thing about the republicans that do that they just fuck twinks man and then they vote against it no twinking 2006 um but yeah i i love how people are saying like rip lindsay graham and then other people are like wow fuck you can a guy just rest in peace no matter what like i i don't care who you are and you you could be the worst person just like when you're dead just i hope i hope it's not i hope it's nice for you man whoever where you were snitch?

I didn't know about this guy. Crip Mac. I've heard his name. And he had as a tattoo on his forehead. So I'm obviously in his camp. But Crip Mac says there's never an acceptable reason to snitch. Okay, so let's listen to this. I saw this.

This is the first thing I saw this morning, by the way. So it's great. There's no situation where you would snitch. No, cah. Fazi. No. done at all. Wow.

Okay, let me ask you a question. Fuzzy. We leave out of here. Yeah. We jump in my car together. Yeah. I love how connected he is. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, you think of a gangster-like guy, just like not being with you a moment to moment in the conversation, you know? You know, what, dog? Like, you feel like that is the energy they're going to be. But this is just up.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, he's a, yeah. like he's like he's a fucking telemarketer or something on a self-help hotline. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you. Okay. Are you alone?

Mm-hmm. Do you have scissors and knives or guns in the house? Um, we get pulled over and they find a gun in my car. All right. And I said, I don't know whose it is, even though it's mine. Yeah. And you know, I mean, so, uh, what do you call that?

In tune, dude. No, it's mine. You don't bring a gun. Yeah. And I said, I don't know whose it is. Yeah. Would you say that's flat? I would never tell on you, because we both going to jail.

Oh, dude. Where? We both go to jail. We both going to jail. So you'll go to jail because I'm not taking responsibility for my own... Street code and my moral and life to the day I die is to stand on Cisness through 55th straight. The rest... Oh, dude.

Standing on Cisness. Oh man, and I saw a comment under this. My friend Alan, dude, you know when you just see your friend's comments and shit? Bro, he's so funny. He goes, man, if your gun's in my, if my, if your gun, if it's your gun, then you are going to prison and I'm having this a suitable day. And dude, I've fucking commented to his comment. And I never do that. So my life

We're both going to jail So mad at it Didn't happen We're both going to jail Fuzzy um We and you We're going back you shit now There is a serial

Planning on it That's a serial killer And you know that he just kid Killed a kid Would you call the police on him? Never Oh dude Backwards

Really That serial kid Never Oh There's no form you can snitch ever in life. Oh, there's no, you heard it from him, dude. There's no form you can snitch ever in life. But that's, you know, having a code is good, honestly.

It really is good having a code because then you know where that guy stands. I know this guy's never going to snitch. Now, are there other problems that we're probably going to have if we hang out? 100%. But snitching isn't one, you know? It's why, you know, it's like, you know, I, I tell you. tell my friends or whatever, oh, yeah, you can get divorced, but like, what, what do you want something better?

You're fine. Just write it out, you know? I tell my friends or my wife that. And it's just like, you know, we think there's somebody better on the other? Okay, then go get, go get that person. And I got to be real. I'm standing on saysness. Okay.

You can't come from it. You can't come. cat from it hood back cack you can't from come khack from it he's saying because he's a Crip Hey do you understand that he you understand this what he's saying right you can't come cack from it because he won't say

back bees because that's for bloods you never know about this well they try to but obviously it slips out you can't but you can't come cack from that dude that's unbelievable I'm having a I'm having a beautiful day. He'll make you get home boys crying the grave. Lorre. Lord. So Armenian, dude, to make up things like that. Eat all your food or you have an ugly wife. One time I was at a diner and I heard an Armenian

guy see another Armenian guy. Come on, bro, eat all your food or you're going to have an ugly wife. Bro, are you Armenian or a witch? Hey, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? What do you got a cauldron full of Dracar? A dog. A dog. A for real? A for serious dog?

Go, um, go, go finish all the leftovers or you're going to have a fat, ugly wife. Stand, standing on Cisness, too. You can't come cack from that, dog. I never want that. I love this guy, kind of. But I mean, I think there's a serial killer next to you. You got to tell the police, right? Here's the thing.

No snitching is like the shit, right? When it comes to, though, something that is like that, that, you got to give the cops a call, you know what I mean? A dirty cop put some drugs on you that aren't yours. Put some drugs on you that aren't yours. A dirty cop. By the way, shout out to Vlad, who's sometimes super annoying.

But the fact that he's not letting this go and keeps coming up with situations is amazing. Yeah. Would you tell on the cop? Hell no. Oh, dude. Well, don't admit that. Okay, so hell no.

So, okay. So is that telling? Yes. On a cop. Foszie bear. Anything. really yes do you realize this puts you in a disadvantage in life

you're okay with that it's what it is come stay on this crippin to the damn gone oh dude I love the hardcoreness this dude makes me want to be 16 again bro and just believe this because uh there's something real pure about having a code man and that's why I like Dexter now look this guy

obviously means if a A cop plants drugs on me. I'm not going to snitch on him, but I will kill him later. This is what this obviously means, which is crazy. Okay. That's my real. So even though... I'm not, but F, F in class.

So we'd say business. It's called. Even though people told on you, you never tell on them. Neighbor of Crip, never. So you won't tell someone who just told on you. Never. Once you're a rat, you're gone. I love that.

I live by street morals and codes. This is the gangster Dexter. Dexter. I will say this, though. The next one is crazy. Just stay tuned for the next one. Here we go. Earning stripes gangbanging.

Take your face in jail cracking enemies down. And also. Can't let your dead home voice is starting a fucking grave. I'm never telling them no one. I'll never make my dead home boys cry. Let me ask you a question, dude. This guy must sleep like a fucking baby. Like this is exhausting to do this.

To be this bunched up. He must be so, I took a huge nap after this interview. Man, God damn. Got to take a nap in my sand room. home. Oh, dude. You have a daughter, right?

I have Kalani Bear. Okay. Somebody. Let's just say somebody, your daughter, and you can't get to them. You can't get to them. You have to cooperate with the feds. Someone kidnaps your daughter, and they want a ransom, and you have to, the only way to get out of this is to cooperate with the feds.

I can never. It's backwards. Your own daughter. damn i can't tell hood we'll never snitch wow it's morals to this gangbanging shit wow somebody steals your car and you have to file a police report to get the insurance money i mean went way but already kind of brought it home with the daughter one you know can't do it you can't do it your own car nope

bro this is this is like how my wife is with getting stuff on amazon though Can't do it. Well, $6.50, dog. Yeah, well, why don't you go to get it at CVS? Ah! I make my, make my girlfriend sad. Can't do it, Cod! Gotta go get a kinch on Facebook marketplace.

I just can't do it, Cush. Can't with a fucking, by putting on... That's how my wife is putting stuff on chat GPD to make art for, like, Harry, Potter characters. Can't do it good? Gotta be on. You chat's your pitie of Claude. Make Harry Potter

Little Road driving around on a cordage. Ah! I make my own boy sad. This guy's What's it like to hang with this guy? I like people with a code, man. I got to admit, I just, I like

when people have a fucking code. Even if the code is bad. If you have rules to go by, you're kind of my guy. because I have rules like that that just make them up. I have the most bullshit code of all the time, you know?

But it's a code. I watched Obsession. Did I talk about it? It was great. I don't even know honestly if I wanted to talk about it that much, but it was great. It was great.

Shout out to those guys for doing that, spending $750,000, I guess, and then making a whole bunch of money. Now, granted, I know, obviously they're not seeing a lot of that money that it's making because i think fox searchlight bought it or jason lumm or something whatever but anyway uh blumhouse but yeah they they killed it they killed it the movie's great you know uh and just i can't you know just

just just wait to like i get my hands on on the on my letterbox account and i put that out there it'll be fucking really really doing really well but um yeah and i tried to watch that send help movie last night which is good which was funny and good but i couldn't stay awake bro i took the tries of doing i had the treasidone dreams and um i was out dude i was out you ever do a text and then fall asleep and then the person that you texted is like hello hello and you're and then you wake up and you're like oh i'm fucking so sorry dude but yeah i've got this kid here talking about this up with girls is no longer cool my guy eat a meal like this with a godly woman thank me later what first all why does he sound like crickmack but young uh what well what happens though if you eat that with a godly

woman also yeah there's a comment here and this is true what's up with fucking food on a woodboard dude fuck you huh put it on a goddamn plate right we all figured that that was it. Now, I'm not saying if you're going to cook like salmon on some cedar wood, okay, that tastes good, it's nice. But like, this kid's seven talking about eat this with a godly woman. And it's all

kind of different foods on a fucking wood wood thing. Like, so it's all, it was all put there. The avocado, the potato, the beef, whatever. Getting drunk and hooking up with girls is no. I mean, the way he said girls, you know.

Girls. The longer cool, my guy. All right, so that, okay, so, and why? Eat a meal like this with a godly woman. Thank me later. What's one have to do with the other, bro? And I don't want to dunk on this eight-year-old, but also, dude, do another take. Somebody said thank you in the comments.

Dude. Yeah. Yeah, the kid is, hopefully the kid's got a good, this is like a kind of silly. but I don't know if this is a real thing. I can't wait to eat this meal and hook up. I mean, this isn't, you know? What's one to do with the other? This guy's got two things that are fucking diametrically opposed,

and he just gets, No, eat a little meal with a godly woman. I use many fit, which gives me all the healthiest. I mean, they're paying them to do this? Wow, so this guy doesn't, wait, the fact that he tried to shoehorn it in like that, I'm going to eat. I can't wait to eat this and then hook up.

Nah, kidding. Can't wait to eat this sushi with a godly woman. That's insane. Hold on. What was he said at the beginning? Why can I? Meal and hook up. Can't wait to eat this meal and hook up and pulls out a hot dog.

This is this guy's wild, dude. What's this about? Who is this person? I'm honored to be an official partner with Domino's. Really? Go get the Owen pizza. available at all dominoes across the globe. Really?

I'm honored to be... Dude, who is this kid? Owen? This kid's killing it. Guys got Domino's sponsorships? Godly woman. It is really wild that people will... That sponsors will go...

Just... This kid is a disaster waiting to happen, and I feel bad. But, yeah, this is not... I can't wait to eat this meal and hook up. Just fucking so gross, you know. I'm done, babe. Come in.

I mean, everyone's calling him Pipsqueak, you know? So dick. Let's see. Let's see. Imagine this. Eating real food like this with your boys. What could be better. Oh, a fucking...

What? A musical. Imagine this. Eating real food like this. With your boys. What could be better. better. Why did he say it like it wasn't the end of the sentence, but it was?

What could be better? That's a really weird thing, dude. This is really weird, but the guy's got Domino's money, dude. Imagine this. Eating real food like this with your boys, what could be better. Look at the boys, dude. They don't even, they're not even, they don't even want to be here. They look, they're held ransom, bro.

Well, you know, shut out. to him. That's great for him. He's got that pizza money. What's his little boozy thing? Rapper launches lawsuit after paying 600K for Trump pardon that never came. First of all, okay, so boozy badass,

which I think is his given name, is taking legal action with an all-new lawsuit after claiming he paid $600,000 for help securing a presidential pardon from Donald Trump that never came. So now that means he was going to jail and he was going to pay to not go to jail.

or to get out of jail, right? So first of all, shouldn't be able to do that, okay? You shouldn't be able to buy your way out of jail, you know? And I'm not saying he deserved to be in jail. I have no idea what he did or didn't do. I don't know this at all. But buying a pardon shouldn't be possible.

If you were going to buy a pardon, you should either do it from the warden or directly to the president. I don't know who handles this shit. But that, it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If you're like, yo, you know, I got a fucking direct line of the president. I'll get you a pardon. How much is it? 600K.

Like, that's a lot of money. Now, okay. Now, he's spent hundreds of thousand dollars to secure clemency from President Donald Trump. And now he's left with nothing in return. And these dudes are saying these guys, uh, what, uh, uh, whatever his name is. The situation escalated on New Year's Day when Boozie's lawyer received a call claiming that a pardoned and had already been signed by Trump and was waiting a public announcement from the White House. Okay. So this would have helped him avoid an upcoming gun possession case.

Now Boozies suing them for $300,000. Was he part of 36 Mafia? What was he part of? I can't remember. I want to know basically how he made his money because that's crazy money to be thrown around I mean obviously you'd throw a lot of money around for that if it was possible if that was what you're going to do

but what to to hire the lawyers to do this and so that's half the original payment setting a clause in the contract requiring a partial refund if a pardon was not delivered and the lawyers are like yeah we never had that agreement and then they claimed financial hardship stating their firm is broke following millions and dollars

and fines from past legal issues. Oh, you don't say. Yeah, yeah, I got pardon. Do you want a pardon? Yeah, you're 600K. Oh, fuck, man. You know what? Actually, dog.

We're not going to... Look at this. He said, the other... This is great, too, because I love when, I love when, quote, unquote, victims leave out shit like this. Like, this is him.

The other factor is that Boozies quest for a pardon was made much tougher by an arrest for an alleged crime of violence in Texas earlier this year. We tried very, very hard. Yeah, you know, if that's part of it, you know, eat crow, right? You don't fucking, and let's not mention that I beat the shit out of this guy at a fucking Ramada in in Texas. Now, you could, some guys, you just, you got to go to jail. You can't pay to get out of it.

Like Trump gives a fuck about boozy badass. Um, but yeah, uh, I, I don't know. Know what I didn't do and I'm happy about? I didn't watch the Connor McGregor fight where he fought the other guy. Connor McGarters are a huge star. It was on in the green room. C.J. Managan, was a manigan, I think man, man, man, man, man, man again. He opened for me, Embraia. He's great.

He's been doing comedy for like four years. He gets a stud. So he was playing it streaming on the UFC. First of all, let me ask a question, dude. How much money does the UFC have? I mean, basically they rented out the White House, right? Which is, you can't, you know, you got more money than, right? So they got money.

So, and, and, and here's the thing about that. Make the streaming fucking not ever buffer. Dude, it was on in the green room. I wasn't watching it. But every fucking 10 seconds, it was buffering, dude. And it wasn't the internet connection at the improv. Okay? I can't understand how all.

It's like a comedian and the microphone doesn't work. It's the thing you need besides the fighters. So anyway, I didn't watch it. I don't know what the fuck happened. saw the highlight at the end. Highlight, I want to say highlight, low light. When he, uh, hit his, his knee, man, it's got to, it's got to be rough, dude, when you're an athlete and you're like world class and then you just can't hack it anymore, you know? It's got to be awful. Like, even, I'm saying for like Tom Brady, you know, who's got like most of his life left to live maybe.

It's, it sucks that he can't do what he loves anymore. And now he's going to be a, you know, he's going to be an announcer, whatever, and that's great. And he's made money doing all sorts of other shit. And that's great. But it's just, I just to, to, to, to, the, you know, the walkout was longer than the fight. The fight was fucking 19 seconds or whatever. And it's just like, people bet on it and lost money. And like, man, I just don't.

That's so not my world. Why is fucking comedy and UFC tied together so much? That's what I want to know. what what and you know you say oh joe rogan but it's not really it's not it's not it's like why do you have c fighters then well i guess actually shop did it because maybe he knew calen i don't know maybe callin was the thing that kind of fucking you know ruined it no i'm kidding uh but yeah it's just uh i don't know But I am absolutely, I just don't, I don't know, man.

I'm not into so much shit. I'm into fucking four things. I tried to get into, I'm reading this book. I know I talked about it. Last episode, but I'm reading this book on black metal. And I'm just involved, dude. I got the audiobook too on Audible, you know. Paid $21 for the fucking guy to read it to me.

Like I'm a little bitch. I'm sorry, but if you do Audible, you're kind of being a bitch. Oh, dude, really some guy needs to read it for you? Oh, do you need a binky? You fucking asshole? Pick up a goddamn book, start turning pages. And don't even use a Kindle. And I have a Kindle too, and I do use a Kindle.

And it's nice, save the planet, whatever. But like, it's also nice because you don't have to get a fucking light. You can read in a dark. Whatever, dude, I'm backtracking. But my point is having an audio. So I'm driving, but you drive a lot. So I'm driving and the audio, Audible book is playing and it's telling me all sorts of fucking,

you know, talking about bands named like vomit and shit. Dude, the fucking metal, all music is pretty much corny, but metal music, dude, then when they,

when they like rip off like Lord of the Rings style artwork on their cover and that's so corny. And you name your band Cannibal Corpse? E. dork. You're from Tampa. dude. You know? Oh, Norway, you birthed this black metal that supposedly, you know, worship Satan in. Norway's nice. It's the closest thing to heaven on earth. It's beautiful.

And you're just going to be like, no, you know what? Fuck this life, man, against this system. We need to, we need to rail against Christianity. Christianity's only been around for 1,000 years. Before that, it was, you know, they took, they took the crusades and fucking killed all of the, what are you talking about, dude? Fucking Grand Theft Auto

is a thing. That's a rock star video games. There's a, there's a fucking, there's trampolines now. Pack it up. Your life's fine. I know everything is relative, but it's just like, it's

cornball shit. And I'm reading all of it. And I will, dude. You know? But I don't, you know, I'm so into the black metal thing, man. I keep, I'm reading, I'm watching documentaries.

I'm looking at, uh, I'm looking at, uh, it's just so interesting to me. You can really start a movement, dude. You really can. Like scapegoat, you just use a scapegoat and then be like, you know, this is why. And they go, yeah, well, there's got to be some reason.

So fucking hell yeah, dude. And then they go, all right, well, what do we got to do? Well, we got to make it right. We've got to do what our forefathers wanted. It's a Viking culture. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that got lost somehow, huh? And they go, yeah.

All right, so what are we going to do? All right, let's burn these churches. Yeah? Yeah, because there's Christianity that's fucking everything up. They don't let us pose a hang our crosses up. upside down. Yeah, they do. Anybody can do whatever they want. You know? I don't know, man. It's just

wild. And the music is just just, wow, blah, wow. Black metal started because some guy's microphone didn't work, and they were too broke to buy a new one. So they started recording their vocals through like a guitar

amp or some shit. And that's why, that's why it's like bra. Now. Did you know that? Well, now what you do? You learn a lot of shit on this podcast. Sad Sam Neal died.

That's a motherfucker that looked healthy as shit, too. I mean, I guess you never know, but RIP Sam Neal. Well, look at this guy. This is the most British guy ever. He's not even British. He's Australian or Welsh or something? What is he? New Zealand, New Zealand.

How long has it been since... This is a question asking him. How long has it been since you've seen the original Jurassic Park? The last time I watched it is in its totality was sitting beside Princess Die at Leicester, Leicester Square? What? Leicester Square, whatever the hell it is.

At the London opening, wow. On the other side of me was my son Tim. He was 11 and completely swept away by it. But about the time the T-Rex turns up, Tim started to fart. And the draft was drifting across me to me royally. I spent the whole film in a muck sweat thinking Princess Dye is being exposed to the horrors of a little boy's fart, but she's going to think it's me. I'm going to be subliminally blamed for my son's crimes, and I don't think she'll talk to me afterwards, but she was well brought up and never mentioned it.

And then Jeff Goldblum said, I love that story, Sam. I've heard him tell that a couple times, and it's just amazing the links that he will go to to still blame. name the boy. Wow. And then, you know, we know how that ended up for her. So she died. And so did he. So the moral of that story is,

don't have a kid fucking fart in movie theater in front of a princess. Event Horizon, I've never seen people love that movie, right? I know I got to watch it. And it's been on my list. Now I've got to have a good reason. I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it maybe tonight.

But yeah, that original Jurassic Park was the shit. um uh jeff goblum uh is how did he make it out of the me too area you know what i mean he's the shit though he is i'm just saying i'm not saying he did anything i'm just saying that's a guy you would be like well that's like they're trying to get um maybe they did i have no idea but anyway uh love him great actor is just deserve it scales let's do some deserve it scales

Pasadena police officer shoots co-worker while playing around with their firearms. Oh, no. He's to talk about dorks. What? Why are they playing fucking black metal? What, dude? I got shot. Oh, my God, dude.

Everybody is every, no matter, even the people in charge are stupid. You know what I mean? There are stupid people in charge, too. what could go wrong throwing a heavy rock to collapse a melting snow bridge okay let's see what's going on here wow no sound on this one but that one is he i mean he threw it on the bridge that he was on what a bitch ass the way he did it oh oh god that hurt fuck well god bless hopefully he's okay you know uh that's a eight an eight on the deserved scale women a woman woman and electrocutes herself with a taser.

Oh, shit. Is that AI? What? Oh, shit. It looks like it could be real. But whoa. Bro, she's a cartoon, dude. I mean, she got up.

She's basically this. She's the Michael Jordan of shocking herself. Dude, she got fucked up, dude. That's actually, why would you be, yeah, don't be standing up when you do it, you know? See, this is why. I can't fuck I'm not a jackass fan

people I know where they were loved to go see the jackass movies and a lot of those guys are super nice I just can't watch a fucking thing like that it's so it it looks like people get hurt and fucked up and I'm just like I'm not about it I'm not bowed it I'm just simply not bowed it

here let's look at this one now jumping over a fence is it's just already a disaster you wait till they open it you starve if they didn't open it With the boots. Boots like that fucking song. Oh.

You gotta be fucking kidding me. The dude hopped over backwards and fucking just smashed on his head. Look at the way this dude did it. Has this guy ever jumped before? This is like you hit the wrong button on a PlayStation game. Oh, fuck. I made him crouch while he jumped. This is unbelievable.

Actually, how do you make your body even do that? I love how there's no sound, dude. The guy doesn't even do anything. Fucked himself up. No sound. I've been screaming and crying But anyway I digress

I appreciate you guys Come see me Christelia.com I'll be on I'm everywhere man I'm in Europe I'm in Europe I'm in Tulsa

I'm in Springfield Missouri I'm in Buffalo, New York I'm in Miami I'm in D.C. this weekend so go get it Chrisley.com appreciate you thank you Thank you

congratulations you motherfuck Thank you.