Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 518. Hüzün
Episode Date: July 23, 2026Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler....baby/chrisdelia 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: WATCH 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris went to a credit card cafe. Plus the World Cup, I Play Rocky, a new mile world record and robot fights! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Runk.
Yay.
518 of episode, episode 518 of, well, you know, dude, you know what I'm trying to say.
But welcome to congratulations.
That's right.
It's episode 518.
We're just, you know, I'll tell you right now, I landed.
I was in Washington, D.C., which was on, I saw people walking around with masks on, and I go,
this city's really liberal.
but then I realized it was because the air was smoky.
I didn't know that there was a fire nearby.
And then I was like, oh, I thought this was just how Washington, D.C. was.
I thought that this is how it is.
I just thought that since however many years ago, not many,
that it's just going to be like looking like end of days there
because that's where the, you know, all of the politics happened and everything.
And then there's troops.
There's always four troops standing around.
somewhere, you know, outside of a kookaroo.
And it's just like, you know, in case something goes down,
so you gotta go to war for the chicken.
But it was orange skies.
And by the time, like I was two days into Washington, D.C.,
playing there that beautiful Washington, D.C. improv, which is awesome.
Shout out to them out there.
I was, I'm like, I'm like, why?
Everyone wears masks out here.
And then I can't remember who told me, but they were like, yeah,
no, it's because of the fire.
And I said, oh, there's a fire?
He said, yeah, it's all smoky from the fire.
I said, oh, where's the fire?
And they literally said Canada.
So I don't know what was going on, dude,
because Washington, D.C. is not close to Canada.
But that's where they said the fire was from.
So I just kind of believed them
because I'm at the point where it doesn't matter
what people say, you know,
now that I'm 46, I'm just going to like take everything
with a grain of salt because it's not worth getting emotionally involved with.
Now, I say that, I say that, but then I also, I, you know, I get upset about certain
things and I shouldn't, I don't need to, you know, it really is dependent on the mood.
Because let's face it, Washington, D.C., it's too muggy.
It's always under construction, and I don't think I could ever live there.
Now, I went to a Starbucks in Washington, D.C.
And there was a guy who, how do I say this?
He wasn't homeless because of his shoes,
but because of his teeth, he could have been.
You know?
And he was hanging outside of the Starbucks, kind of like swishing around.
He wasn't really like...
walking the right way.
But there was nothing wrong with him physically.
Okay?
This is how I describe him.
Mentally, who knows?
I don't know.
You know, I find that usually people with less teeth,
you know, they're, they, I would say probably there's a higher percentage that they're not mentally all fixed, you know.
But he's out.
outside of the uh
Starbucks then there's another
then there's a worker outside of the Starbucks
and she is spraying
the window to clean it
and the guy says
sis
and she says yeah
he says I can't handle this neglect
and I go oh what
what the fuck did I step into
okay are they
do they know each other are they are they gonna
are they gonna fight is this
abusive but then
I realize
I go into the Starbucks I go
I say not my business you know because when you're in Washington
D.C. that's what you do. You walk around you go this is not
my business. There's not my business.
By the way don't get scooters in Washington D.C.
You get scooters. You roll around with the lime
scooters. You got to find a place to park. It's a
disaster dude. They don't let you park anywhere.
So
I get into the
into the
Starbucks and you know I don't like
Starbucks, but I go into the Starbucks. I get four shots
over ice. That's, you know, it's fine. Can't really
go wrong with that, even though Starbucks can, but they didn't.
It was nice. And
they go and the and the and the lady
uh, the lady behind the counter is like,
here you go and she gives the guy with no teeth
his coffee.
And I'm like, oh, this guy is just like a friend
of theirs. It was really
confusing, but what my point is is
while the smoke was in the air
uh, and
Washington and and and this
dude was kind of just
what was he you know
there was just a very Washington DC moment
also with four troops outside of Starbuck
I don't know what about four troops
I don't know why they need to have four together
all the time
um
but yeah when I go to
every time I go there's four troops
and there's and then I walk a few blocks
there's four more they must be stationed with four
they're strong though man some of them were like
shaking my hand and they fucking
dude they really lock on i you know you know those guys which was just tight hands and they shake your hands
you're like oh my god dude imagine if i fought you i die but it is what it is i you know
was nice i'm going to miami this week tickets available louisville tickets available
tulsa spokane tickets available and then i got to hit portugal which i keep forgetting about
but i guess i can't wait to go i'm just going to get on a plane and go to portugal and then perform
and then come back.
And I'll tell you, dude, it's kind of the life.
But I miss my kids, man.
I got home today and I went, I got to the house.
And I mean, I was so tired.
I didn't get good sleep this weekend.
And I don't know why, but I didn't get good sleep.
Okay.
I usually get good sleep.
I didn't.
Got back today.
My kids, I go, oh, man, I'm going to be able to rest at least.
My kids wanted to do a hundred million things.
They go,
here's your pickax we're playing
Minecraft see what you can dig up
and I'm like oh all right
so I took it and we're walking around
and he's like now you got to hold it up dude
and I'm like oh yeah no no I know
he's like all right well what should we
should we go get some blocks
I'm like yeah he's like well you know
sometimes they're just if you drop your weapon it just
hovers in the air and I'm like I'm all for
it baby whatever you want to do dude
so we were mine in a little bit
he showed me a secret hideout
which is pretty much just some covers bunch
up and he was like can you help me make it a little bit better and i'm like it's kind of just covers
like dude yeah i could if you had better materials and i don't want to make it feel bad you know
but it was nice you know uh and my wife was wearing uh a like costume like a lord of the rings
costume and i'm just like oh you look good you should wear that more and she's like nice there's a
costume. I'm like, yeah, but it's like, we're like, fucking, I'm an elf or something, you know.
So, uh, then I came back to this house and, uh, you know, look, here's the thing, dude.
It's like, I'm so sick and tired of fucking airports.
I gotta go again on Thursday.
I try to get the, like, there's two airports in Washington.
I don't know.
I went to the one.
By the way, I went to the, one of the, I was coming home.
This is the fucking, to me, and I, and, you know when you like, see, you, you, you
know of things, but you don't solidify them in your mind.
Like something can exist and you know it exists,
but you don't solidify it in your mind until one day you go,
oh, that's what razor scooters are or whatever the fuck it.
You know what I mean?
Oh, that's who George Hamilton is.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
That's Sam Rockwell, right?
Or like, oh, those are those new, you know, hats, everybody are taught.
is talking about.
That one with the brim and the fucking sock on it, right?
This happened, do you understand what I'm saying?
This happened to me with the,
and I finally solidified this in my mind.
And I don't know if you guys know this.
I know a lot of people do because there are a lot around,
but Capital One landing, okay, is,
Capital One is a credit card, all right?
You can get it and you can use it to buy things
just like you can a regular credit card.
Capital One landing, you know, is a fucking cafe, all right?
There are a lot of them at the airports.
I think there are other ones around.
The city, two.
There's two what?
Get the fuck out of here.
No.
There's only two in the airports.
Okay, so I've seen them.
Capital One landing.
Okay, so these solidified in my mind,
premium airport dining spaces
focused on chef-created sit-down tapas
and craft hot.
Hotels.
All right.
Like, dude.
Okay.
All right.
So, uh, Capital One Venture X and Venture X business primary cardholders receive
complimentary access, okay?
This is not an airport lounge, just so you know.
It's a place like Starbucks is a place.
All right.
Cardholders can generally bring one complimentary guest.
This is fucked, okay?
because space is limited,
guess they'll last be sure.
All right.
I walked in
because I've heard of capital.
I thought there were more than two,
but I've heard of them.
I've seen them
before, I guess, in LaGuardia.
And then there's one in Washington,
Dizzy.
So now it's a thing for me.
I go, Capital One, capital land.
Do I do banking here?
What the fuck, right?
Dude, this is not,
this is not it.
This is not what I was
looking at. Capital One landings are, there are. Okay. So anyway, it's a food place. You get food there.
Like you can get dishes, right? And I understand that it's from Capital One and you get half off if you have a Capital One card.
I, how can you eat somewhere that's called Capital One Landing?
this is this is i i went in i said what's the deal here he says if you have a capital one card
everything's 50% off i go really that's kind of good but i'm not getting a capital one card let me
get a coffee i don't have a capital one card he gets he gives me a coffee he says 12 dollars i'm like
well dude if you just jack up the goddamn prices and then put him down 50% it's bullshit and call
it capital one cafe capital one food or whatever but this is the thing that i'm i'm talking about
is this is going to start a whole fucking chain of of different uh credit card it's just the business
businessification of everything and it's just we're going to be walking around with american
fucking chalupas and shit.
It's just annoying.
Like imagine being,
hmm,
the Chase Premium Sapphire burger.
Have you ever had the fucking Chase Premium Sapphire burger?
Dude,
did fucking make a whole new thing?
If you want to say buy Capital One,
fine.
Capital One fucking landing.
And you literally can go order meat.
I hope it fails.
You know, and I don't, just I hope it fucking fails.
And I don't want to put that negative energy out there.
Here's the other thing, too.
People think I'm a dick.
I know they do.
I know they think I'm a jerk.
And I'm not.
I'm a nice person.
I have this podcast and I bitch a lot and I fucking talk about things.
And I, you know, I saw this other thing the other day.
On the Tim Heideker podcast, there's a clip and he was just like talking shit about
these other comics.
And I'm like, man, I don't want to do that.
I'm not talking shit about people.
businesses
music
you know what I mean
I hate how everyone
talks shit about everybody now man
it's so awful
and it gets clicks
I click on it sometimes
and I go I shouldn't have done that
and then we just believe
everything everybody's saying too
like dude
what is this
what is
what is what is happening
in this world
here
Like, what is just happening?
I watched the taking of Deborah Logan.
That movie should be talked about more.
I understand people say it's great, but not enough.
First of all, whoever that 70-year-old lady is in that movie deserved an Oscar nomination.
Okay?
She's amazing.
She's also beautiful for 70.
All right?
I don't know who she is.
but she's great in it she killed it right uh it's you know she's got dementia but it does she or is she
possessed or whatever the fuck it's a great movie and um then i watched hell house hell house
hell house LLC two and then hellhouse LLC three because that's how i fucking do it and
Hellhouse, you know, was good.
It was very, it was good.
I can't understand how they can make a Hell House too
and have the acting be so bad that I just like get,
if it's a movie's a success, get good actors in the second one.
And then I go, how come they can't make good sequels?
You know, there's like two good sequels, you know?
Maybe more, but there's just like, that's why I always say,
don't do a sequel to a prequel.
I'd rather see how the fucking guys got like
Fasten and Furious 1 through 10
Fuck off
I want to see Vin Diesel
As you know
How we got
All that way
Like what do you
How did he get bald
You stress from all the driving you know
But um
Yeah that's a good movie
I love horror movies man
I just
There's so few and far in between the good ones
And you gotta fucking
You gotta watch the
You know the one
that nobody talks about too because you'll you'll find a good one um the uh spain wins the world
cup which i didn't even know until and then let's see how argentina acts afterwards
up and fighting and fighting and knocking them down well that's not nice who these idiots
these idiots
what would have to be
you know
what would I have to be that passionate
what would I be that passionate about
that I would push another guy
I just don't even fucking
I'm like I'm not a sociopath
but like dude
I definitely have that thing where I don't like music
I'm really trying to get into this
black metal
um
this guy said they're known for playing dirty
and has
This has been a thing since I was a child.
My dad and uncles would root for any team except Argentina.
Wow.
Are they really a disgrace of a team?
I didn't know that.
They should go to jail.
Go to fucking world jail.
If you get fucking, if you're punching, dude, if you lose and then act like a cry baby, go to fucking jail, dude.
If you punch people, I'm tired of bad dudes.
I'm tired of bad dudes.
Okay, yeah.
So Spain won the fucking World Cup, yeah.
I don't know.
What's the Tom Brady, Logan Paul thing?
I see them, like fighting, quote unquote.
It's all obviously staged, and we all know it.
But is everything wrestling now?
Everything is wrestling now.
Everything.
Politics, football, it's all wrestling.
Tom Brady assaulted Logan Paul across the face.
But it's obviously fake.
what is Tom Brady doing, dude?
Like, I don't want to, is Tom Brady,
is he going to be in the WW?
I thought I saw him maybe like talking about that
or doing something.
Tom Brady, uh, wrestling.
There, here I go right up here as the first thing.
Tom Brady to WWE NFL legend talks with wrestling promotion.
You know, I don't.
I don't know why, you know, look, he's what, 45, 4, you know, he's like young.
He's like still killing it in the looks department and he's made, but he's got a lot of money.
Why do you, this is the thing that I just, look, Logan Paul is talking shit to Tom Brady.
By the way, they're at the, what do you call it?
The World Cup.
They have all have terrible seats.
Oh, that's a box.
That's a box.
No, no, it's not a box.
Uh-huh.
Oh.
Got it.
Okay, so they're all sports people watching the thing.
But so they're doing that.
And then Tom Brady's going to be in the WWE.
But everything is wrestling.
Everything is wrestling or McDonald's.
That's how it goes now.
It's everything interpersonal is wrestling.
Like politics is wrestling.
And then everything.
is now you can get, remember, you could go to Starbucks, you could just get a coffee.
Now you go and you can get a fucking McDonald's cheeseburger.
They got the fucking capital one landing.
You can get, it's a credit card fucking place.
You can get a fucking beef bowl.
Like everything, you can go anywhere and get anything.
And everything is wrestling.
Pretty soon you're just going to be able to go to a target and fucking, it'll be matches.
They'll be like, in this corner of the fucking bagger,
and they're just going to beat this shit out of each other.
And you're going to walk home with a McDonald's cheeseburger
and just, you know, whatever the fuck you want.
I don't understand, dude.
Is it that, you know, because like I'm reading this book
that takes place in the 90s,
and they're interviewing these people.
You know, it's a, what do you call it?
a not a biography but it's it's non-fiction and and they're interviewing these people in it and they're
like well because people are much they're saying people are much stupider now and uh and the world used
to be good and now everything's going to hell in a handbasket basically and it's like that's how
i feel now and that's how everyone felt before me and is that the thing that's making it happen
You know what I mean?
Like his self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like Tupac always talking about how like he's going to die young
And then of course it gets shot in a fucking head
And when he's 26
Maybe maybe we need to be like, no, you know what dude
Actually there's more positive in the world than negative
Let's just fucking realize that
Because we're still here
I mean, except for the people who aren't right
But it's just like
It's just the whole thing's so weird
I saw this how the dude broke the record for running
he he an average of speed of 8 of 16.2 miles per hour
like if a car hits you and it's going that fast you die
Scottish runner Josh Kerb just broke the mile world record in three hours
three minutes, sorry three minutes 42 seconds
that's so fast bro this guy is 40 pounds this is unbelievable to do that how did he do it it's a 27
how do he do it and he's not from kenya either dude wow i hope you can make now fucking i guess
you could probably make good money now they broke the record i got to work on i'm i got to
rake that record dude running is hard as fuck running is my least favorite thing to do uh uh
workout wise i swear to god i'd rather do anything
wrestling jumping fucking lifting weights anything dude the monotony of running sucks and it's too hard
oh i don't have the stamina bro but when i pushed the weight though or over 200 pounds he i did it
dude i fucking did it yeah na da yeah not da yeah not da over 200 pounds bro that's all i wanted 205 i want
210 is what I want.
Bro, if I was 2.10,
I play Rocky.
If I was 2.10, dude, of Hulk
muscle, forget it.
Bro.
Oh, man, dude.
I can't wait till my fucking hair goes gray.
I swear to God, it's going to be
on a different fucking level, dude.
When my hair goes gray,
and I'm, and I'm fucking,
yeah, and I'm 210, dude,
I, you know, maybe I'll do some more biohacking
or whatnot, but like, dude,
fuck, it's all.
awesome too my body fat is lower but it's still up there a little bit because of my
cock you know what i mean a lot of that's cock to the doctor
so the dexican the dexas scan didn't really measure the the the cock shit but yeah anyway
um how much of that is cock excuse me sir you need to leave my right um but yeah so i'm i'm i'm
you know, moods are the, I'm dealing with a mood right now that's just like, you know,
you get in a good mood and a bad mood.
And sometimes you fucking, oh, dude, the fucking thing I figured out, which was the,
there's not a word for it in America.
What's the, or in English, what is the word, the Turkish word?
The Turkish, Turkish word, uh, uh, uh, that means stop with the fucking fizzing out.
Why is it doing that?
Stop with the Turkish word.
I'm just unplugging for a little bit.
That means, what's the, what's the Turkish word that means that, that means sadness within happiness?
Oh, dude.
Here, come on, please do it.
Huzun.
Dude, Huzun.
Why is that not a fucking word in English, man?
Huzun.
it's a deep communal melancholy a bittersweet ache of the soul yes dude that tinges beautiful moments with a tender sense of grief for or longing
whizoon dude this is when i saw this i go you know for the first time on my life i'm like okay
you remember i said me remember when i said we say hey you're not alone fuck that i want to be alone when i saw
I go, I'm not alone.
This is all right.
It describes a bittersweet emotion where you feel beauty joy and the passing nature of time all at once.
Huzoon, dude.
My life is Huzoon.
I can't.
Why is there not a fucking word?
Bittersweet is the, that's a fucking, that's a terrible one.
You didn't even work hard at it.
Stick two of them together.
Make a whole new word up.
Huzoon, dude.
And I go, I'm Turkish.
I'm fucking Turkish.
I look Turkish anyway.
It's a great word.
But there's nothing for a matter.
Why is there no?
Huzun.
Turkish culture has a word for the sadness
that arrives inside beautiful moments.
I thought, I didn't know this was a real thing, dude.
I just thought I was like fucking
figuring out a new emotion.
And I'm like, there's no word for it.
What the fuck?
And now somebody's calling it Huzun.
And I go, yeah, it sounds like a street fighter.
character, but whatever.
When's that movie coming out?
The Street Fighter character movie?
Dude, I was on a fucking...
You know how you just get locked in a hole online?
I was watching Mortal Kombat.
The evolution of all the Mortal Kombat characters,
just fucking scrolling.
Just watching reptile, like, oh, yeah.
What happened to video games in, like, 2011 to 2015?
They look so awful.
They were better before they.
that and after that.
In 2011 to 2015,
they did this fucking jerky
polygon thing or whatever.
What the fuck was that, dude?
It's so bad.
I guess it's when they tried that started the new technology
and they just couldn't like really get a handle on it.
Why is that happening?
That pisses me all.
I can't plug the computer in great.
But yeah, dude.
Mortal Kombat too is fucking Mortal Kombat.
I can't get over it.
I really can't.
New video game
game characters.
Let's look up to characters too.
Mortal Kombat.
Roster.
Look at this.
YouTube is amazing.
Somebody was saying that they don't look at YouTube.
I think it was Sam.
I don't use YouTube.
I was like, what are you talking about?
It's the greatest thing.
And they're like, what can you watch on there?
And I'm like,
monkey throwing baseball.
Monkey throwing baseball.
That's just something I picked right now.
It'll be on YouTube.
There's monkeys.
There's tons of videos of monkey throwing baseballs.
I have no idea if there is or not, but go on there and they'll be there.
But like how, look at this.
How evil is every mortal combat character?
Not evil.
They're not real.
But they'll just spend a fucking, look this.
an hour and a half.
These videos are not have long.
How evil is every more of combat character.
And then the first comment,
you should have included a flawed category
or just more buffer between perfect than to evil.
These fucking guys will watch it!
Unreal.
And what's up with people who make these videos, dude?
I do this.
I'd, fucking, I'd watch it, though.
I'm an hour and a half, no.
But I watch fucking workout videos.
It's like, we are breaking down the top five workouts for,
at least that's, you know,
you know, there used to be the argument like,
don't play video games, you're a fucking loser,
but you're not a loser now.
You can be the biggest earner in the world now.
You stream on the video games,
you can be one of the fucking most successful people in the world.
Ah, fuck.
I can't wait to Isha Speeds is the fucking the president.
But my clips have been killing online lately.
anyone um i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna how many of these this shit just gets so dorky list of
mortal combat characters it just it's it's when it's it's hard to know like people just love lore and
shit like this but it's like you get you get you know one guy just made this bullshit up you know
baraka how can you name a character barraqa when there already is barraq obama
and he's the fucking guy with the big teeth
what
he was not around before Barack Obama
Barack Obama is 70
oh the
you're saying when he was president
okay
uh
well when did the Baraka first come out
more come at two really
all right so
so he was already in that
yeah yeah okay so fine
so I'll give it to him that's cool
Bill Clinton
I'm gonna
finish him
cigar in his pussy
oh boy
oh man
Bill Clinton
dude
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
um
China had the first
MMA fight with robots
which I
I want to say who cares
but then you watch it
and they're just kicking the shit at each other
And they're, you know, they're not, they're more, they're definitely, like, look, if this robot kicks you, spin kicks you like that, you die, right? If it's you. So an army of these guys are fucking tough.
They're not, they're, they're doing a lot of fighting that isn't like they're, they can't, if, if a human who's noticing somebody like this robot doing this, they would catch them off guard in a lot of ways. Like a lot of times the robots are like, the back.
is facing the other robot.
But the thing is, a robot won't stop.
And you can bet on them.
But I guess what the fuck?
They shouldn't make them black and white, though, you know?
One's white, one's black.
They got to fix that because that's just,
that's just asking for it.
I mean, America will make that a racist thing.
But I think that these guys, look,
you just kick the fucking head off the other one.
They just keep spin kicking, dude.
Yeah, dude
Spin kick after speak
Oh, he knocked him the fuck out
How do you win?
I guess you just destroy the robot
Yeah, the head flies off
That's pretty fucking cool
But I don't know
Is this gonna put, man, is this going to put like
You know, I'd way rather watch this
Than the fucking MMA
Is that bad?
That's pretty wild
Um
Gregus believes in the art of living
In choosing the pleasurable
over the practical.
It's why we craft our premium vodka
in France using pure spring water
from Jenzac, and why you hear
the celebratory pub of our
quirk reminding us to make
every martini cocktail count.
So go on and make
every moment count
because there's no better time than
now. Grey Goose.
Make time wait.
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That's one of the most important...
Okay, hold on. Russian spy.
The perfect spy blowjob.
That's...
You know.
One of the most important skill any woman can have.
They're like many, many techniques, but one of the most important is deep throat technique.
is one of the most...
This is a podcast, you know?
Dip throat.
Also, dude,
you can kind of take the spy part out of it.
You know?
Deep throat is good, period.
If you're a spy, you're not a spy.
Nobody's going like,
oh, this fucking spy blow job is amazing.
Did she give me a...
Sweetheart, is this a spy blow job?
Desirable thing.
any man want to have. There's certain things you have to know before actually doing it. Otherwise,
it will be painful for man. Also, it can be painful for your throat. There are techniques to learn
before doing that because otherwise your husband would hate it. So when you do it, try it maybe
at least on a banana, even like plastic dildo because like before performing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Practice on a banana because it would suck to practice on your husband.
I'm sure he'd hate it. Sweetie, not until you iron out the kinks.
Is this a spy blowjob or what?
On human body.
Look at the other woman.
The other woman looks like a woman that my mom would just be friends with.
We really, right, right.
So it has to go on top of your mouse,
and at the same time you do like a brace in,
and then you swallow it.
The word, dude,
tacks motherfuckers with microphones.
Also, your heart has to be like 90 degrees angle.
Otherwise, if you do like any other angle, it will be painful.
What the fuck is this woman talking about, dude?
What first of all, abandon the spy part five seconds in to give a good spy blowjob.
You have to dip throat and then you can pretty much you can't do anything painful.
You just suck it and then and then you have a 90 degree angle.
What about the fucking spy part?
What's, who's?
this woman.
I can't be, I can't.
This is just enough.
You know what?
Honestly, enough's enough.
This is where the truth is for real.
That's the enough's enough.
When you get two people on a podcast talking about spy blow jobs and they give up the
fucking spy part five seconds in and just start talking about deport.
Can't help.
Yeah, you want to come over with my podcast and we're going to do a spy podcast.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't get to talk about spies.
All spy stuff.
It's amazing.
We're going to try and get the niche.
And they just fucking find out their hos.
Yeah.
And then even, what if I said you want to fuck a spy?
You lay down, you let his dick inside you and you start fucking.
You let his friends come in.
You do bucucky.
You do a spy bucaki.
You let all the spies come in and just jack off on your face.
You just, you know.
Yeah, you guys are hos.
You guys, a cut.
Can we get back on?
to the spy shit.
You keep talking about sucking and fuck it.
Dian-n-ling-ning-ning-ning-ning-ning-n-ling-n-ling-n-ling-n-ding-n-n-kning-ling-n-kning-kning-knit-lap.
Um, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-d-l-h.
Anyway, that's how you give a spy blowjohn.
I'm going to ask my wife.
Sweetie, what I know about spy blowjuffs?
I guess Tom, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
and Christina Pishitsky are getting divorced.
That's sad.
I don't like what kind of shit happens, you know.
Stay together, dude.
Fucking, even if you're unhappy, be unhappy.
You know?
It's not going to change.
You're not going to be fucking happier.
You know, I feel like happiness is just a choice, honestly,
at the end of the fucking cock-sucking day,
which is unfortunate, dude,
because we can't just choose to be happy.
But yeah, dude, you know, and I don't know.
You know, I only know them a little bit and they're, you know, I hope that they're good.
But it's like, uh, I just can't.
I didn't even go when I found out that this happened last week and I was like, you know,
when I found out about that, I was like, I can't.
Could you imagine what fucking open micers are saying about this shit?
How annoying they are on Twitter probably right now.
I haven't looked, obviously, but like, I'm just like, oh my God, dude, where you're going
The whole fucking, what do you call it?
The whole community just sucks.
Anyway, I hope they're all right.
You know, and I hope they're good.
I hope their kids are good and shit.
It sucks when people get divorced.
It's, you know, I mean, it's,
sometimes it's for the better, I suppose, but what was this?
Wait, why can't I play it?
Why can I ever play it on the Twitter stuff?
Right here.
UK commentators at the FIFA World Cup Final Thought,
Farrell Williams was ASAP Rocky.
Venture.
I think that's AKA Rocky or ASAP Rock.
Oh, wow, dude.
AKA Rocky?
I mean, wrong on top of wrong.
I think.
I mean, why would you, if you just think,
why would you do that and make that,
that, say that, because you know if you're wrong,
People are just going to come at you.
I guess he doesn't give a fuck.
That's okay.
A.k.a. Rocky.
Didn't say anything first.
I think that's AKA Rocky or ASAP Rocky.
Just.
Oh, so British, dude.
I think that's AKA Rocky.
A sap Rocky.
Who is the fucking guy?
That is beautiful.
Look at these.
Okay.
Oh, Kivicular.
is he's I feel he's not doing well
is he I don't know is this just the media
I love you the hat
the hat
is this fucking real
the fucking hat
I love you
no
I just love you
I love you
I don't want to be
I don't want to be anywhere else
besides you
I don't want to be anywhere else besides you
I don't want to be anywhere
else besides you.
I don't want to date you anymore.
Just stop trying
to force me to do something.
Are you serious?
Just stop trying to force me to do something.
Stop trying to force me to do something.
Okay.
Dude, just so fucking.
Why am I watching this?
This isn't real, right?
Dude, he's got to just be fucking.
Let's just start dating a guy.
Let's date.
Dude.
I'll go.
Come on, man.
You got to figure,
I'm not gay.
but like
this dude needs help
come out
this doesn't end well right
disc clivicular
convicular
it doesn't end well
the guy
either dies or
or ends up looking like fucking
who's the strong guy
when the guy gets strong
and the
the fucking SpongeBob Squarepants
who's that guy
the fucking strong
version of the is a squid word or something i can't remember yeah handsome squidboard yeah yeah
it's just too much man um all right i i i i uh i don't deserve it skills and then get out of
here i i don't i'm i'm fucking i'll come back stronger to next week i don't feel good
what was the goal no the guy fucking dot tried to dive into a bucket like he's
Bugs Bunny?
What the fuck?
To even set it up, that whole thing was a setup and it was above a level.
Like this is what he's like, did you not, what did he?
I mean, that's kind of the outcome, though.
There's no other outcome.
That's nine.
I know it looked like a hurt, but that's a nine.
Oh, no, too many people on the boat.
A lot of water stuff here.
There they go.
Oh, I'm diving in.
if I see that's oh look at this bitch shit oh this guy kind of made it though the
the guy in the top kind of made oh see he's like yeah fuck y'all uh she did they gotta go down they gotta
go down too oh that sucks when a boat sinks fuck dude all that money boats suck dude that's the
worst investment you can make i would never get a boat but having a boat makes it a 10
honestly i mean he's gonna is gonna fall on his dad and shit oh yeah hopefully there was a big shit in his diaper too
that I got it all in his eyes.
Pretty tame, but good, yeah.
All right, guys.
I got to go.
I'm just not, I just got home.
I got to be my kids.
I hope you understand, and I appreciate you.
And thanks.
I'll be out and about.
Come see me on the road.
Love you, guys.
Recently, our company's softball team lost the big game by one run.
Then Dale tried to console us with the quote,
Winning isn't everything.
Well, Dale and I are very different.
I get early payout from Bed 365.
If my team goes up big, I get paid out instantly, even if they blow the lead later.
Sound familiar, Dale?
Thanks, Beth 365.
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