Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 521. The New Scurvy

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris shares his thoughts on Spiderman, Elon, and how the internet killed the urban legend. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli meat products for always 375 and get life brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready, with a whole world and more. Runk. What's up, dude? Welcome to

whatever episode it is of congratulations. Hey, you know, I don't know what episode it is. So sorry. The document isn't even updated, I don't think. is it?

It doesn't look like it. Okay. I basically, oh, that's why it's not updated because of how bad the Safari is. I'm going to be in Spokane

this weekend and Bakersfield, the next weekend, which is a new ad. I'm going to Bakersfield and then Tulsa, Oklahoma,

Portugal, that's Springfield, Missouri, and Phoenix and Tempe. Then I'll be in Atlanta. Go to chrishlya.com to get tickets. And that's that. I'm going to tell you some right now,

real week today with my bent over rose at the gym, okay? And it's all good because I made up for it with my chest supported dumbbell rose. Anyway, that's boring. I'm not going to talk about it, but you guys should just know, you know. I am, well, okay,

So I was in, what was I? Where was I last? Yeah, man. Oh, Louisville, yeah. Louisville, Louisville, which is great. You know, it's cool. I guess, you know, it's the South. And, you know, big ups, you know.

Rained, was hot and all that. Got back. It's hot. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's. hot one but but but it's just i'm i'm trying to like do this thing where like i'm staying to get sun and i'm walking outside and all that to try and kind of like you know stay nice with the sun i love the sun but uh i've got this i've got like a rash or something on my face and it went away and came back so that's maybe alarming but i got to put well i don't want to talk that that's too early to

talk about that that's disgusting i'm going to put cream mine oh it's disgusting but why even say that but i you know it is what it is um but yeah i i i i had bad sleep last weekend which is what we're going to say in a little bill the sleep is bad in lorville uh apparently and then i went to uh home and i slept last night 72 hours now it's i forgot my Trazadone on the trip. And I'm not, you know, that's like a sleep aid. It's not addictive. It's just a, you know, it keeps you asleep.

And I took it last night. And I woke up and I don't know what the deal is with this. Because I can't seem to not be groggy afterwards when I wake up. I don't know if you've ever taken it. But my gosh. I mean, I go to the, I wake up, make breakfast, go to the, go to the, you know, go to, hang out with the kids, fam, go to the gym, go get coffee, go to the gym. I'm still zonked, dude.

And here's what's going to happen. A lot of people are going to tell me now, because I said this, in the YouTube comments or, you know, in some kind of comments somewhere on my social media, this is what you got to try. And I'm here to just say, not going to, okay? I know that this is going to be how it is. I love my sleep. I love my sleep, dude. I love my sleep, man. When you wake up after eight and a half hours of sleep,

you feel like Wolverine. You feel like you've regenerated. You feel like, you know, lizards probably do when their tail grows back. You go, oh, you ever wake up from a long sleep? You ever wake up from the night? and you finally got good sleep and the first thought you think is oh hell yeah do you do that i do that and sometimes i say it i and i'm not that's not a joke i don't say stuff to be cute i'm saying i'll go hell yeah it's not like a you know oh hell yeah oh hell yeah oh jeff bezos um

oh put that thing on the list where where Elon Musk is like oh actually everyone hits you remember that um yeah the interview with the lady uh actually let's we should look at it i i but um so i got good sleep which is great but i to ungrogify me is is is just something that i got a i really got to get going i i i legit what um i legit i'm so groggy still. What's up? Are you going to give me that? Thanks.

Did you hear me say I'm groggy? Whoa, same wavelength. Got three coffees a day. Didn't help it all. I need to do magic mind still and keep doing that and just, you know. But it's really good. My sons are playing this Sasquatch game on. Dude, all right.

I got Pocket City, too. And I know I told you, but I'm building cities. And I got two cities. going now and i'm gonna get them together i'm transferring funds and all that shit and yeah maybe i'm a dork but it's all good i was i was i was driving today and i it was really hot when i i rolled down a window it's one of those things where like you you put the air on that gets too cold because you put the air on too high and then you roll it down and it's too hot and then you're like air conditioning car in cars as far as i'm concerned has always been shit yeah you can never get it right i mean you can if you're

forensically fuck with it, but it's like, dude, I'm not, what am I a scientist? Just let me hit a button and have it be good for me. But I know. But I know it's for me, it's me. It's, uh, I'm, what do you call it? Specific. But, uh, it's just so hot. And I was thinking about like, you know what I was thinking about is, here's, and I, and I thought

about a few times today is like, this is why it, super heroes are bullshit because they'd be so fucking hot. in their outfit. Like, maybe not like the skimpy ones, but like Batman, who's just a regular dude running around saving the fucking world in the summer, guys are going to have his heat stroke. There's no way, just with the armor,

needs the armor, black, just, how heavy is that suit? It's lightweight. It doesn't, even if it's lightweight, it doesn't matter. Batmobile, cars dark, 10 degrees warmer than a white Batmobile. all of a sudden Batman Alfred, they're not that smart, you know? Linen, right?

Short sleeves and shorts and shorts and and you know flip-flops for Batman. But Spider-Man is the biggest grossing movie of all time on the weekend. And I don't know what it is about Spider-Man. I just don't care. I never cared about Spider-Man. I never cared about Spider-Man. Never thought it was cool. I think it's too colorful for me.

You know, I guess it's for kids, but it's got made like a billion dollars this weekend worldwide and like 400 million in, in America. And, and, and they're saying Tom Holland has been in the, they misled me because they go, Tom Holland is in the four of the biggest opening weekends of all time, the top four. And I was like, what are they? They're all Spider-Man movies. So I'm off. I just, they're all Spider-Man movies. Spider-Man is the biggest fucking thing. And I'm not about it, dude.

I'd way rather see almost any other superhero. It is what it is. But dude, I start wearing the sleeves off, dude. You know, start wearing his sleeves off. Jeez, dude. I think the peptide's really kicking in, man, now. At this time, I see. Thank you, ERA for that.

A-I-R-A-com. New, your era? Era. A-I-R-A, that's the website. I think it's newera.com. I don't know. I don't know what it is, but era, they're sending me the peptides. Look it up because, you know, your boy's case in point right here.

Newera.com N-E-W-A-I-R-A-R-A-C-O. And they said three months on this and forget it. And already two months, I go forget it. The fucking the DELTS dude Forget it But yeah

Let me pull up this Elon clip Okay, here we go Yes, some people do Back in a business Back in business Some people do love you Yes, some people do But do understand why

I don't get First of all I don't get I care I care If somebody hates me I think I care You can't care You can't care But

you kind of do a little bit. It's what makes you, look, dude, Elon didn't get this way without people hating on him. People bullied him for sure. Well, you think you become a trillionaire without people bullying you? Do you think what you're doing is helpful for Western democracy?

Maybe some people do love with me. And that's probably true. I don't care. Ah, baby. Dude, I, uh, that's like when Calvin hits his head. He goes, no, I'm okay. Just welling up with tears.

I'm fine. I'm not crying. No, nobody's mentioned anything. The, but the fact that, as you pointed out, a quarter billion people follow me is... Oh, sad. Didn't he... Do we even have to follow him when you sign on Twitter? I think a lot more people actually like me than...

Oh, also, also, don't you... Don't you follow people you don't like to? I do. I almost exclusively do. No, but what Elon Musk has done with a lot of stuff is good, and then also he's a lot of the time he's annoying, you know? And I think a lot more people hate you in the media more than you realize. A baby, dude!

Do you realize the media is despised? Oh, flipped it on him. Do you realize that journalists, the view of the view of journalists is like it's like the favorable view of journalists is like 15% so so the shoe is on the other foot oh dude it took nine minutes to say it dude i i think that this is first of all this goes back to and adam carola said it to on golden hour but i've always said this why are these people even on camera take your billions take your trillions take a trillions, I just don't get it. Why would you sit with someone? I wouldn't be sitting with anyone.

I'd be by myself. You know how they say like, oh, dude, but you really want to, you know, the richest world's richest people are the loneliest people. Yeah, good, dude. Get away. Get away, dude. I want to be, I, dude, I want to be chilling with just by the time I get to be. well we're all going to leave to be like a hundred right so a hundred just i'll be fine dude with just hulu and a fleshlight man and put me in uh you know some just upstate new york or something and i just drones will just be dropping shit off i i don't die alone i don't want other people see me die for fuck all that are you supposed to love them oh hey watch me die by the way Hey, stand around while I croak.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you later, dude. When I know, when you got a few, when you got a few months left to live and you know it, go croak by yourself, dude. I never understood that. Oh, yeah, but you want your loved ones by you. Nope.

Go play pickleball. Go do, go watch that new one on Apple TV. I'm good. You're probably annoying anyway. You know? I mean, with the amount of shit. shit. When I go over my parents' house, they're like, oh, I don't know. They're all complaining and shit. I'm like, oh, you don't even want me around, you know? They do. They love me. But you know what I mean?

It's just, yeah. It's like the whole thing when what I was saying about how like, when they say, oh, just no, you're not alone. That makes me feel worse. When you're when you're when you're like, like I got OCD and you go, ah, you're not alone. Other people got it. Yeah. Oh, that makes me feel worse. You. They hate you. A musical the way he's saying it. Far more than they hate me. Ha!

A valley girl. A valley girl, dude. I do know that. In the United States. So, so, the shoe is on the other foot. Okay, like. They hate you. So like, oh my God, like, they hate you.

Okay, like. Far more than they hate me. Okay. I think there is. That is a valley girl, dude. Wow. The trust in journalism. I think in part.

there have been mistakes by journalists and journalism. I totally acknowledge that. But I also think that the kind of polarized environment, particularly on social media, fostered by the kinds of things you are... How is she not... This is like an actress is playing this person. This is like a person that would win an Oscar for this role.

You know, this is not a real journalist. This is an actor playing a journalist that would win an Oscar. And she's good. and she's really good. And you go and you watch the movie and you'd be like, why aren't there more journalists like this though? There should be more journalists like this.

But there's not because this is Hollywood. So props to this lady. She's probably super woke. I have no idea. Actually helps this. Look at the way he's dressed, dude. He's dressed like a cool penis. I don't think so.

Oh, dude. Elon dresses like a cool penis straight up. Like a dope penis that's just kind of, you know, you know like hey look yeah easily i'll go in i go in a kick it's going some uh pussy or whatever you know or like you know i'd say piss could um yeah yeah standing off i got also with balls you know they're gonna be uh beyond behind me and or under or you know and uh yeah so i would say, you know, piss or, uh, just, you know, like, er. I say, it's a piss.

Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back to school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli meat products for always 375. And get life brand pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready with a whole world and more. I think, I think you're the problem, the media. Dude. I'm just a cool penis. I'm dressed like a cool penis.

I'm the same color as a penis. There's nothing. My, I'm an alabaster. And speaking of loathing. Gonna bring it home, dude. Gonna bring it so, going to bring it so home. That he's basically, he is basically, cooking a beautiful dinner

and getting candles out and I'm talking about loathsome who are low is far more than I am fucking made her a pot roast dude heat up a fucking chicken pot pie my mom would be happy I don't see if you even realize that I think very few people know who I am relative to you

so I don't think I play in the same game smashed them, smashed him beyond belief okay well effectively I can't hear I'm in some pussy right now. I'm pin it. So, I mean, you're hated. Ah!

Oh, dude! Started. You know how they say in every scene? You should start somewhere and then get somewhere else. Otherwise, the scene doesn't matter. They say that in, like, movie making. This is a bad scene in a movie.

He starts off by saying, you're hated. And then at the end, he says, you're hated. It's a waste of time, dude. Hell yeah. Today we're sitting down with the cool penis. Elon Musk. The reason why I call him a cool penis is that he's dressed in a leather jacket

that only a penis personified would wear. Elon, you're hated. Actually, you are. We'll be right back. Anyway, props to both of these people for just being so great and lovely. I don't know, man. Man, it's all good, dude.

Here's his face. His whole account is about, I'm about to reveal my face. Here it is. Saved you some time. Saved you some time. The saved you some time guy is good. I'm not making me. A Texas teacher has been fired after turning a free pizza party into a...

A feature and asked to a student. He was giving a pizza party, but only gave him one size of pizza and one drink. And if they wanted more, they have to pay for it. And they made a video showing off all the money. made. He was fired to save you some time. That guy's great, dude. 100% somebody in my family would know him, not me though.

So pop this world's biggest balloon. I'm not making you wait. Save you some time. So I'm going to a wedding in Florida this weekend, and I'm thinking about wearing this dress. She tailored and dyed the dress. This is a before. In video two, this is the after. Save you a lot of time. Dude, this guy.

Save you some time. Dude repetitive shit is so funny, man And I love it And sometimes people hate it And when I do it on stage Then I post on the internet And people say, oh man, people go like This is awesome

And then another person right under It'll be like He's just saying the same thing over and over again This guy fucking sucks This guy sucks dude I hope he gets punched in the fucking teeth That's how people treat me online anyway It's all good

Um Uh We Oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I saw this. Jonah Hill says jujitsu has some... Yeah, dude.

Oh, man. Hollywood... Did you see the fucking thing where Sam Altman was like, here's the cool thing you could do with... Chat GPD. Oh, my God, dude. Like connecting it with your calendar and having it make a podcast about create a podcast about your kids soccer game and then play it when you're driving them

and it's like no that's that's that's okay that's okay uh sure cool okay bad okay yeah it's cool bad right okay because uh talk to your kids also uh If you're using AI to make a podcast about your kids' soccer game, who have you become? Okay? All right. You suck. Congrats. Nice to meet you.

Dude, it's all. So these, these like super tech and rich and Hollywood and whoever you want to say are so out of touch. Could you imagine, I might be getting in the fucking car. Hey, Calvin, how was class? well you know what let's listen to a podcast about it and then also a podcast about people who aren't really people talking about man that's just another level of so look at this joanna hill says jiu jitsu has him ready to annihilate anyone who still sees him as that fat guy from super bad i love brazilian jiu jihitsu except my body is begging me not to love it wow my wife is often like you're not

going to become a professional fighter you know that right you're a comedian if we got to into it i would fuck you up i would fuck all three of you up wow he's just on so much coke you know my favorite thing is people are like oh john a hell fucking fat guy from super bad and i'm like i will fucking annihilate you dude i'm not kidding try it if you see me try it dude bring it who's got it that's great no uh yeah he's joking let's just go with he's joking because that's not that's not a real thing this is what happens when a guy does class for three weeks um that's funny. You know, I just think honestly, everyone should not do podcasts. I heard, I overheard a guy say, yeah, I have a podcast the other day. And I almost fucking melted, dude, almost melted

in my fucking chair. I just go, oh, oh, oh, fuck yeah, dude. Hell yeah, man. Another guy with a podcast. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Now here's what I'm pissed off. Oh, I remember. I remember. I remember what I was going to say guy on the phone at the airport. Fuck yes, dude. I walked by.

Where was I? Was it Louisville? Yeah, I guess because I was coming home, I guess. Yeah. And as I was coming home, going to the gate to get to my flight. Oh, no, I was going to Louisville, actually. That's what it was.

Flying to, I think I was connecting in Dallas or something. I can't remember who gets Charlotte. That's what it was. Okay, it doesn't matter. I'm walking down, by the way, I'm at LAX. I say this to just kind of color the, this can sound braggy, but I would say seven or eight people stopped me. by the way TSA is the most I guess it's because you've stopped and whatever but at TSA they're

like oh man I love your stuff and I guess because you're just waiting around and they're going to say something anyway so but yeah I'm I'm walking to get onto my flight and it's eight you know probably eight people have said oh dude I know you or I love your stuff or I saw that one clip or whatever right and that stuff is nice you know that stuff is really nice I really appreciate it when somebody says something like that and i i i think one time one time i was in uh i i can't remember where i was somewhere on tour long time ago it was when that when i did this was doing the show whitney and um some guy comes up says hey you got you're on that show whitney right i said yeah he says that show fucking sucks but you're all right i guess and i go oh my god oh just the rudest guy

you know and and anyway uh i'm walking to my gate to get to my flight and this dude's on the phone and he just looks like he looks like a school shooter is what he looks like and he says uh while i'm while he's on the phone as i walk by he says oh my god to the person on the phone oh my god the most annoying guy ever is walking by me right now is what he says about me okay And, and I, you know, he just, you know how, you know, some of these people, they just look like they know you're going to look. They know they're going to look. You know they're going to look this way. This guy, like how to fucking, like a white button down short sleeve on with a shirt under it, like a real asshole, you know?

You know what I'm saying? Like a fucking white t-shirt with a then, another white shirt button down, open over that white t-shirt, just like a piece of. piece of of like if i see this even if he's not talking shit i go what a fucking slob you know but i do that in my head not out loud so he can hear it on the way over it's like here's the thing say it to me or don't say it do what the guy did about the fucking my show uh when i used to be on whitney when he said that's your fucking suck do that and by the way don't do that but if you're going to do it do that but he did it like loud enough to where i would maybe he hear it where he got a thrill out of it and he's like, fuck it, I'm real anyway. I'll say whatever

I want on the phone to my other fucking friend. And so I sit down, you know, because it's one those things where you go like, that couldn't have just, it was the quickest. You know how like something happens? You go, oh, that couldn't have just happened. But then you sit down and you're like, no, that actually did happen, right? Because I'm just me and I heard it. It was the quickest. That didn't happen to know that happened. I've ever had. Okay. I go, oh, this is, And so I sit down and I'm, you know, like mad, but not mad because he said it. Because I know a lot of people don't, not everyone's like a comedy or think I'm fucking cool or, you know, maybe I'm annoying to people.

I tell you what, I'm annoying to people that love me actually. I'm fucking so annoying. So that's not even really a, that's not even really a bad thing being annoying. It is bad. It is negative. but like, you know, anyway, I looked at him, I said, actually, shoes on the other foot, you're annoying. No, I didn't say that.

But I went to, I sat down and then I'm sitting there and I'm like, man, I'm angry that he just thinks he's badass for doing that. Do you know what I'm saying? That's the thing that made me angry. And I'm like, and I got one, only one spike of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, anger. And I don't really get spikes of anger really ever, right? Like, you know, where it swells inside of you and you go, I can break metal, but you, you know, you can't, but you just. So I got one real quick spike of that. And then very quickly I go, I go, eh, it's whatever. He's probably, he's miserable, dude. Like, what kind of person does that? And then I, but I did tear up a little bit because I got like emotional because I was like, why would somebody want to be that negative? in the world and then i just i texted my friends and and and and and and i just realized that like man he that's actually so miserable because like nobody would even i don't know man i know like the internet's got everybody fucking pissed off at everything so it's just like nobody would even be

nobody that you respect would ever do something like that so i'm like that's okay. Fuck it. And I got over it. But I was like, I had to think about like, dude, actually, you know what? Why am I resting my fucking hat or head, whatever the same? On this dude, when eight other fucking people said, and then I'm like, that's wrong too, dude. Like, I shouldn't even be, like, I should, I obviously appreciate compliments all the time.

But like, that is just a losing game, dude. Wow, I'm 46. Wow. You're supposed to already know that, Chris. Yes. Nice to be reminded of it. Completely forgot about it. Yes, dude.

But it's just like, so after like honestly 10 minutes, I was completely fine. But and I forgot about it so much so to where I put it on the docket. And I got and I can't remember it until now. So anyway, that's fine. I just, uh, it is pretty. crazy though. Because sometimes I think about that and I think about how like how how how how shitty online culture is because you just say people just talk to you but like just say to the person's face. But anyway.

She's like that meme when they go, babe, what are you doing? You know the fucking guy on on Instagram that does that? Oh man talking about this guy is getting fucking he roast the guy and he does like the effect on it. What? Look at the ump, dude. This is, where is this? This is, okay, I'm going to tell you right now, this is my favorite singer on Plen Earth, because I don't like singing. I don't like the people who sing.

I don't like when people sing, you know, songs over and over again. I don't really love music. Yeah, it's nice when somebody could really really. really sing and really gets you and hits you, and it gets you right there like some A1 sauce. I get it. I understand. But man, for the most part, fuck singing and fuck music. And then people like this come along.

Hell yeah. Me, me, me. Standing. Everyone's laughing. Not me, dude. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, screaming. Oh, my.

Who gave her? the job. There we go, dude. There we go. They go like this. Oh, fuck, dude. We don't have a singer. We forgot. Or we the person got sick and

can't do it. Who do we get? And then they just go, we got to get a school teacher somewhere. And then they go, but what school teacher can sing? And they go, doesn't matter any school teacher. Don't check. Just get her. I love this stuff. Bro, I love it singing when somebody takes an extra beat

and fucking rolls it off at the last moment, dude. And the rock gets red Oh, fair. Like that kind of shit? Look at the ballpark laughing. This is Adam Seller movie where he comes back as a singer. I have to do what? At the ball game?

Yep. Killed it. Absolutely fucking murder it. You know what's fucked up? The internet now makes us know this person. That was just supposed to happen and go away. You know what I mean? Like these things, like if this happened in the 80s,

nobody, only people would do it, they remember that one time and they'll become lower. There's no lower anymore. That's what it is. The internet's fucking laura. The internet's fucking up. not even lore, what we call it, urban legends, you know.

None of that anymore. None of that. Now you can make a podcast about your kids' soccer game. Drive to school. Fucking not talk to them about it. And just play it. Yeah, and then Bobby got a goal. Oh, yeah, remember that?

Yeah, I do. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. And it was fun because because I don't want a podcast about any fucking soccer game. That's not FIFA, I guess, or World Cup. Cup. FIFA. But she took some liberties.

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I guess this is something that you can just kind of geek out on nerds and stuff, you know. Damon Alburn studio tour. And he's bringing a big African. DeVold de Bolly. And this was the instrument I played most of it. Worst. Worst. That sounds amazing.

Guy says it sounds amazing, dude. What a cuck. That sounds amazing. Is it like, you? any other kind of wind instrument is it all in the cheek it's amazing that's amazing is it like any other kind of piece of shit that sounds awful mate this sounds awful you realize that right it doesn't take any shit right in an echoey fucking airport bathroom right just checking also it was so insecure harry blue in it so go back to where harry is born in the west africa and i use that

basically as the centerpiece of an opera i did i love it uh year before last in Paris at the Chalachalé called DeVold. My fuck, I got this Steve Zissu. This was the instrument I played. Here, so it's a good watch. Oh, Sint. Oh, Sint secure! Goes a little bit back into the closet to the second note.

Ah. That sounds amazing. It sounds amazing. Is it like any other kind of shit, yeah? On the cheeks, is it quite challenging to get a sound on that. After a while, I mean, I haven't played it for like a year and a half. Oh, yeah.

Oh, so it's not your favorite. Oh, you played your favorite within the past year. And I, and when I was, because I performed on the first run of the opera. Dude, imagine that you buy tickets to the opera. And then you just get some British dude blowing in a fucking fart bin. Just trying to get away the whole time. Trying to fucking sneak away like you did, trying to get into the car. This is the same guy twice, by the way, both of these guys.

This is the Steve Zizu version and the fuck of Michael Stipe version. In the band. No, this is Michael Stipe on the left with the red Steve Zizu had on it. And then Kevin Spacey's playing him on the right. Dude. Who are these guys? Famous guys? I had a voice changer on it so I could muck about with the sound.

Oh, so you don't like it. Really high. And weirdly, although you get that. Cindy. Down there. When you take that up a few octaves, there's so many more notes in it than you think there are. So it's beautiful. Love you.

Yeah, it's amazing. Hate it. Do you remember that time when we went to Mali and I bought a traditional drum from Mali and then I said... Man, okay, you know, and it's all good. And you should geek out on your shit. You should. And props to these guys for that. But man, it's not my shit, dude.

Do we really like those insurance? Do we really like those instruments? so. I mean, I say, you know, you understand we're in West Africa. Maybe that's how you got a few inch, but it's not like you got the electric guitar, right? You've got nowhere to plug it in if you do. But like, you know, okay, so you got this and you got some other ones that go and you make music that, you know, and then all of a sudden the, that one comes out. You go, oh, that's pretty fucking cool. Actually, it reminds me the elephant that came by the other day. And okay, I understand maybe it's okay.

But then you get introduced to a drum machine, right? Or that song that goes, uh-huh, but-d-p-p-pon-p-pon-p-pon-p-pon-p-pon-pah-pon. And they go, and you go, and you go, oh, actually we like this one.

Oh, actually, put that far's been down. Oh, yeah. Stop blowing in that big bell thing. What's that? But anyway, dude, I get it. Or maybe I don't. But it's a gorgeous instrument. Gorgeous instrument.

My eyes are still good. They don't have the thing where I'm 46 and I don't have to use whatever you call them, the reading glasses anymore. My buddy was using it. It was good. I saw my buddy. He came over the other day.

I got two buddies. They're both cool dudes. One of them is a director. And he flew in and we got, they came over. And the other one is, he's great. He's like, well, he's done a lot of stuff in his life. But he's, they're both 50. And one of them won't sit down on anyone's couch because he's got OCD.

And he's just like, he doesn't want to. sit on fabric. So that's great. And so he just stands around. And I've always like, I said him the other night. I was like, yo, why the fuck are you? Well, I made a joke. I said, hey, man, you standing around really, weird? Oh, good. Keep that up. Oh, man, dude, make sure you're standing around real weird and making us all con. Oh, great. You're doing that? I did that. And then he was like, well, because I did that. And he was talking about why he did it. And I was like, oh, fuck you got, yeah. I knew he had OCD, but I didn't know because of that. I'm like, but then he sat on like this fucking little stool thing that my kids, uh, said.

on and he was like sat and we watched a movie and he sat on that the whole time and it was so uncomfortable and he was no it's fine um this is so i do a letterbox and i i try to you know do my uh to do my letter box like my i don't know i have some followers in it and all that shit and uh you know it's a movie review thing. Who's U-Bol? This is just a random dude? Oh, he's a director. Oh, he directed all the Resident Evil movies.

Okay, cool. That's hilarious. That, well, he didn't. What do you direct? The dude. Oh, bad movies. Yeah. Okay.

And then he fucking. Oh, okay. Well, he didn't have that many followers on it. Oh, that's not his real one. Got it. U-Bol. What? That's how he said.

say it. Uve-Bol. So this isn't even his real. This is here, right? Or is it? He only has 200 followers. I find that hard to believe. Is that him?

Okay. Well, whatever. I mean, they're definitely, they see the reviews, so it's okay. But anyway, he goes, the fact that he watches all these is hilarious, by the way.

Spider-Man across the Spider-Barrs, half star. fucking asshole if you like this. That's gangster. Midsomar. Midsummer. I know everyone won't like this movie, but this movie makes no fucking sense. It's just a simplistic movie with nothing. The story is bored.

The actress is crying like a poor three-year-old girl. It's telitubbies with rituals and other bullshit. Suck it, you know? Grown Man. Avengers Endgame. Just half a star and says, this review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

Marvel Avengers bullshit dirt fucking terrible in all forms Captain Whitey Tomlinson man iron man's Ant mans fucking man man's whatever woman Wonder Woman the fucking iron giant just stay home Wasn't didn't didn't spoil anything um Morbius dude oh he said four and a half Star from Morbius well this guy's mixed up huh? What fucking movies did this guy make? A bunch of bad video game magazine? Dude, the guy gave Amelay, Amelay, half a star is hilarious. I mean, 500 days of summer, I did not see that.

I did not see that, but I can't think of another movie that I would rather see less than 500 days or summer. The two people in it is Edward, Jason Gordon-Lovett, or whatever the fuck his name is, right? and the other one in the girl in a new girl right i'm out bro they should call that movie white uh they should call that movie off beat fucking dude i could i would if i had to sit through that fucking movie dude i wouldn't and it's supposed to be good i guess oh my god just jason gordon jason gordon slid jason gordon lovett joseph

What the fuck is his name? Gorson. Joseph Gordon Levitt. Oh, Gorson Lovin, Sevit. Got it. Dude, I, I, what happened to him?

Is he still in stuff? Dude, he was in, he was in, that one where they were all falling off the bus off the fucking insidious. No, Inception.

Into the thing. But anyway, I could never, I could never watch that movie, 500 days of summer. Bad title, too. Bye. Um,

And almost every movie sucks, so that's cool. And so maybe I should, Uve-Bol, I should be, I should look at his letterbox a little more because that's what they're, I heard about this, by the way, this, how women can smell you, how women can smell you, your pheromones. Let me tell you something right now. And I want to be honest with you. I got fucking fantastic pheromones.

My shit's really pop in the pheromone department. And, and, um, So okay, okay, so fine. But like when you meet me and like if I take a picture with you or if you just meet me on the on the on the on like on on the on on on the on like on the in on the on the street you go I actually fucking got some great fair amount. You do do that. And you do that subconsciously too. That's how I get inside you. So.

Um, you ever, uh, be with a somebody that you think is hot and then you start kissing them and then you go, oh fuck. This is all topsy therapy. Dude. I might as well be fucking eating some parogis. This is just, I'm not, yeah, I'll, yeah, all right, I'll do it. But I'm not going to do it again. And this sucks.

I don't like parogies, you know, I get it, but it's just like, oh, sweetie, aren't coming here, sweet bite, oh, fuck, already like, I don't know, well, maybe I'm just in my head. Oh, God, no, it's fucking, you know what, well, I'm hard. Well, let's get through it. Oh, fuck. man, my mom used to make fucking parogis, dude. I swear to God, I never smelled anything worse.

I never smelled anything worse than these parogis my mom would make. Never. Because you used the fucking butter to cook them and shit like that. And then she told me they were Polish and I go, I'm out. I would say, I told my mom and I was fucking seven at the time probably eight, maybe. I was still in New Jersey, but I was like, mom, if you're going to make parogies, please tell me so I can stay upstairs. Dude, and now Calvin is that guy. Whoops.

Oops. But it's beautiful, man. And Billy goes, I go, I love you, Billy. And he says, I love you too. I say, oh, thank you. And then he says, I don't. Okay. You don't?

No. Okay. But it's playing his fucking Saswatch game. And I'll tell you, I'll tell him not to, I, dude, I'm such an addict. It's crazy. Because, like, I'm so addicted to fucking things, man. I play Pocket City too. It's like, don't fucking bother me, bro.

I work out. It's like, don't bother me, bro. I do stand up. Don't bother me. Let's see what I can do. You know, crowd work clips, don't bother me. Let's see what's up, dude. I always wanted to read one of these on the air,

and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to read one of these on the air. Mind trap. We talked about this once, right? Mind trap. And I had this here, and I want to do it. This one's too long. So this is the answer.

Okay, the question is the purple part. Okay, here we go. Art Khan was at the post office looking at the wanted posters when someone approached and asked him who the man on the poster was. Art replied, pointing to the poster, brothers and sisters I have, oh, no, fucking, God damn it, dude. Brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man's son is my father's son whose picture is the poster to Arcon's looking at. Who writes this shit, dude? Arkhan was looking a picture of his father. All right.

The positive of the statement is this man's son My father's saying. Who writes this shit, dude? I don't try to do ones like that. I don't try to do ones like that. One fire is asking me, why don't you want? Here we go. Shadow was examining an angle measuring

for math, bro. I'm not doing it. Let's do another one. Let's do another one. This one's way too long. Hold on. Oh, look at how long is. Okay, here go.

Ben can never tell a lie. George can never tell the truth. One of them said, the other one. said he is George, which one said that? I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't want to know. I, I'm not even going to look, dude. How about that? How about that, dude? I don't play games. I don't play games, dude. And this is just a stark reminder of it. And when I'm with my wife's family, dude, and my mother-in-law and my, uh, uh, uh, what's her aunt to me? Ant-in-law, I'm not playing

Yatsy dude I don't like it we'll compromise on a puzzle we'll compromise on a puzzle okay fine bring the puzzle out I'll be back and forth you know what I mean oh I think I found something no no that doesn't work I'll go get some chips

I don't eat chips but you know what I mean it's just I guess mind trap you know it lost this luster for me honestly because when I was a kid I used to think about these fuckers for so long but then i'm like you know kids do fucking silly shit really honestly i don't want to say this too loud but calvin wanted to put it wanted to with arts and crafts he wanted to make a fucking full-blown furnace like what he he he had a box he taped the box up put fucking

wrapping paper silver wrapping paper over it and then drew flames on it and i was like what is he's like it's a furnace i'm like what the fuck he's what he what oh but you're oh cool You go, oh, well, yeah, it is kind of a furnace. That's good. It is good. Very creative. But, but, like, what the fuck are you making a furnace for? Why do you even know what a furnace?

You know what? I don't really know what a furnace is. I think it's like a thing that it makes, it's like a heater, right? Right? It's a heater? Or is it for food? It's not for food, right? A furnace?

It's a heater, right? And so he just is like making a furnace. He made it. It's out there right now. I just got fucking flames on it and shit. And, uh, You know, props, but I'm like, kids are fucking crazy, dude. Billy's been walking around with a backpack all day, all day.

A backpack, and he says, I want blue shorts and a red shirt. And he wasn't happy until you got it. He's got blue shorts and red shirt and a backpack. And he's been walking around, sitting on the couch with the backpack, fucking eating dinner with a pack pack. And he calls it a pack pack. It's so cute, dude. I say, I love you.

He says, I love you too. I said, oh, thanks. He says, I don't. Okay. We'll see. We'll see a place. Squatch later then. But yeah.

Anyway, appreciate you. Thank you for listening. Congratulations. Episode. What was it? Episode 521. I can't fucking believe it.

When can we stop, dude? We'll never stop. We might stop. I'll tell you what. I fucking become the trillionaire. We stop. But I appreciate you. And thanks for listening.

And also subscribe and like and all that shit. But come see me on the road to be in Spokane. Crisley.com get tickets. Thank you very much. Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up?

That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca.cair, every style, every home.