Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 522. Backdoor and Yiddies

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

This week Chris has tales from Spokane, watches Drake meet some Goth chicks, and saw the He-Man movie (spoiler, it isn't good.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk Hey guys What's up And this is episode 522 of congratulations I'm a pirate Hey guys Man again hey guys You know

Wow I got I'll tell you this dude And I don't know what this means for the episode But I woke up today Well actually Let me go do it like this Okay I was in Spokane Up until Spokane

I was taking these this this this sleep aid trazidone prescrup of my doctor one of them kept me too drowsy tried to do two tried to do a half of one

woke up too drowsy and now I'm like a sleep scientist so I'm trying to figure out what the perfect amount is to where I wake up I don't get drowsy now if you've heard Lifeline you've heard about this

if you've heard golden air you've heard about this if you've heard it congratulations heard about this is my sleep studies I'm a sleep scientist okay now um I took a fourth of one it didn't do anything, all right? It didn't make me drowsy, but it also didn't help me sleep. So I'm somewhere

between half a pill and also, and a fourth, okay? Now, that's just too hard to do. I'm, what am I, you know, gonna, I don't have like a scale and like a, I do have a scale, but I use that for my food, but like, I don't have. So what I did was I went to Spokane and I didn't take any of the trisodone, okay? Got not great sleep, okay? Was tired the whole weekend. Came back last night, and I go, and I am like, all right, I don't, I have my trisadone. I don't have to wake up early. It's Monday morning. It's kind of my day to chill. My kids are still in summer. So I'm going to, I could take a tracidone, but then I go like this, you know what? I'm actually real tired from the weekend. I haven't taken it in about a week.

I think I'm actually due for a really great sleep. So I didn't take it, fell asleep, woke up once at 3.30, back to sleep, woke up again, and around eight something felt good was like seven hours and something sleep. And I go, you know what? I bet if I just wake up now, I won't feel groggy, and I'll feel rip-roaring ready to go. And I did. and I feel today, today, I feel better than I felt just, you know, I don't know what you want to call it, anxiety-wise or physically and mentally, all of it, better than I have in weeks.

And I'm like, sob, sob. And I go, let's go, let's go, let's eat right, let's go to the gym. I went, hit 205 for 10 reps on chest. whoopsie daisy, right? And that's a PR for me, oops. And I'm like eating chicken and rice, and I'm like, God, it's the third month I'm into my peptides, which is awesome. Era, thank you, era, era. It's new A-I-R-A-R-A-O is the website,

and you can use the code Chris 50 for $50 off of those peptides. They're great. new era. I'm in my third month. They say in the third month, you really start looking and feeling good or whatever peptides you're taking. I really kind of get into full swing,

and that's how I feel right now. So thank you, ERA. And you can use that code. But yeah, if today's the day where everything goes, okay, let's go, then I'm good, man.

If today's the day where we turn on and we go, I go, I'm happy. You know, hopefully tomorrow's more of the same or even more. How good can I possibly feel? That's the thing. I don't feel too good, you know.

But anyway, so that's what's going on. I am going to be going to Bakersfield for some reason shows. It's a beautiful protest that's going to, that they say that are going to happen outside of the show. Hey, don't let Christa perform here. All I want to do is make people laugh and do my job. And, you know, it's really hell out there a lot. for a lot of reasons. And God forbid, for one, one hour,

somebody comes, these people are able to come to see some people, you know, look, I'm some people's favorite comedian, and they want to come see me, and it's like, no, some, like, blue-haired lady is like, no. And she's going to stand outside of the comedy club with a, I don't know, and it, and it, then it's futile because I'm still going to do the shows. So people are crazy, but if you're going to come to the show,

come to the show, and if you're not, come to the protest, you know, come outside. and just hang out. We'd love to have you. I'll do some crowdwork with you out there. Maybe you misspell something on a sign. But yeah, dude, I just, you can't let people's crazy imprint on you. For imprint, for certain. And so that is what it is, dude.

You know, because I was in Spokane last week. And, man, it was just on fire. You know, they're having their own kind of, for those of you in L.A., their own kind of palisades. right now it's just 60,000 people displaced people came to my show that didn't their houses were burned they they they they lost everything and they came to my show and it was just like man i'm just so grateful that they got to get away from that for however long my show was you know and and i mean it was really really nice you know people you know not to sound like uh david brent rickie

you drift phrase from the office but afterwards people were like you know thanking me you know that sounds very office but but it's just very sweet that they were like man i needed this this was awesome everything's kind of shit it was just so nice to forget about that uh and i i super i'm super grateful for that as well to do that uh because you know it's just it's just really um unfortunate what happened and you know look i know i make money doing this shit but it's like it's just really nice to do that let you forget about that because dude going through shit sucks and you have to and thank god for some relief here and there's a lady that just wants to ruin that for everybody in bakersfield so by holding a sign and that won't work because dude it's fucking tough enough out there man you know

uh and it's annoying too because like people are like uh uh you know people will get like all in like they'll be like, well, this stuff happened to me, and I'm not going to stand for it. And so I'm going to protest. It's like, okay, oh, did it? Then go after that, the guys who did it to you. What the fuck do I have to do with it? My shit is, I know what's bullshit.

You know, there were lies said about me. But you, whatever happened to you, you're taking out on the motherfuckers. take it out of them. Well, you're holding a sign at a fucking random comedy show. You got nothing to do with. Ah, but he makes too much sense. Oh, I would, but he makes too much sense.

Oh, shit. You know what I would? But the censometer broke. The top of the censometer exploded, dude. So I'm going to hold a sign outside of, You know what I mean? We're outside of where some guy works and everyone wants to just forget their problems because everything's going to, is a drive-by radio edit.

So, you know, people do what they do and just do what you do, man. Just keep doing what you do. So I'll be in Bakersfield. Can't wait. Can't wait. And then I'll be in Tulsa. Then I'm going to Portugal. then

going to a bunch of different places Springfield, Missouri, and like Phoenix, Tempe. Phoenix Tempe both of those. I'm doing both of that stuff. It's just a be a good time. And I got my European tour, that's kind of getting out there,

so I'm excited for that, Chrissly.com. Oh, let me actually tell you about this thing that happened in Spokane before I even get to what happened with the upside down guy. I remind me, I got to tell you about the upside down. down guy. I have news about the upside down guy. God, and more I think about the upside down guy fucking pisses me off to it. Should I just tell that? I'll do the outside down guy now. And then I'll do tell you what happened in Spokane. All right. So I go to this gym. It's a chain.

All right? I'm sure I probably talked about it before. The chain. I go all around the country where there is one. I have one of those memberships. You know, you go to, you know, sometimes they have them in like Washington, D.C., so you go there. Or do I have it in like a Boston, Boston, you go there. Or New York is probably like 12. Anyway, you know, if you haven't seen the episode, the ballot of the upside down guy of this show, congratulations. Go watch that. You'll know what happened.

This guy who's constantly upside down at my gym, meaning doing workouts upside down. Like he's upside down, his workouts are upside down 80% of the time. And I, you know, it's unbelievable. I, I, you know, I got a group chat every time. he's upside down, I take a picture, I send it to him. Because fuck him. Well, not, actually not fuck him. It's just annoying because I'm not just upside down too close to you, right? Like, if someone's too close to you, that's something. But if they're a little further than that, that's okay. But if they're at that point upside down, they're too close. You got to get a

little further away if you want to be upside down from me. Right? There's like a scale. Like, you're too close. You're good. But are you upside down? You're too close. You're too close. You're good now. So, uh, this guy confronted, it's at some, just watch episodes. See, he was shitty to me. And then, um, I found out that he was shitty to so many different members. And he is like, he, he, he, he showed up to someone's apartment complex because he lives in the same apartment, apartment complex as the guy at the gym. okay so he knocked on his door and it's like i'll kill you like you know your dog he's gonna get it so now he's exed from all of these gyms he's got a hard uh uh you know excommunication from all of these gyms all around the country and i'm like dude it made me feel really good and the reason

why it made me feel good is not because he did this shit to me is because when you go there you see him sometimes and i just want to fucking work out and it's a normal that he's going to have to do this, you know, look, I'm a man, I'm six to, I'm 200 pounds. Fine. But like if he's going to be doing this to people who are 5, 8, 160 pounds or whatever, it's like, dude, it's like you shouldn't have to feel that fucking anxiety spike. Get the fuck out of here, dude. So he is. So he's gone. Thank you know what. I fuck him, dude. Guy's so new. And I always crazy. It's hard to, sometimes it's like when somebody's super crazy and their brain is just broken or whatever, it's hard to be like, uh, fuck, fuck them because you're like, oh, they're just,

it's unfortunate. But also, Hitler was insane. Okay. So fuck, fuck, fuck that. It's like, oh, yeah, how far do we go for that? Oh, yeah, you know, but Stalin, oh, yeah, but, oh, you know, but his childhood, I don't give, I have a fucking, so anyway, he's gone. So that's awesome. God, I can't stand that guy. I try not to hate crazy people, but crazy people are the worst people in the world. I was in Spokane. This is crazy. You know this. You don't know this.

This is really crazy. So, you know, how they say, you know, how they say, like, liberal cities are all gone of shit. You know, that's like a kind of thing that they're trying to spin, especially the right, which is like, oh, you know, that's what happens. You know, I, we're in Spokane. It's on fire, you know. It's really unfortunate. Downtown Spokane is Anisville. It's just, it's just Anisville.

Can't really, I want to look, and I'm not, not, Spokane, the greater area is great. Hiking, beautiful trees, waterfalls, it's got a big radio flower wagon that you can take a picture in front of. Spokane in the city Welcome to Anusville, right? It's terrible. There's just a 7-Eleven there that is just unbelievable. As a matter of fact, so unbelievable

that I went on stage and I said, I'm sorry you guys are on fire. It sucks. There's fires everywhere when genuinely the only place that should be on fire is that 7-Eleven down the street and the whole room erupted in laughter. So everyone knew what I was talking about. And these people aren't all from right there.

They're all from all over. And it was probably the biggest laugh of the night. So that's how bad the 7-11 is. The 7-11 is so bad. And it's what you think of when you think of, you know, it's unfortunate. There's people doing heroin. There's people with guns.

There's people out there with, you know, just yelling. You know, like how sometimes people would just be yelling for no reason near a tree in a parking lot. Like they'll just be like, yeah, so I'm a tot her. And you're like, what could he, what could he be talking about?

There's no one around him. But then there's a bunch of shopping carts which is crazy because 711 doesn't have shopping shopping carts. So it's like it's just basically, you know, the walking dead. And so there's, you know, when you're outside of the 711, people are like following you.

When you're inside, they're just looking at you. It's just like, you just want to be like, hey, snap out of it. Come in if you want to buy something or like even if you want to do. So you go into this to 711, it smells like shit. It smells like Mothballs and under a penis. Now, I've never been under a penis. I mean, it's never been close to under a penis,

but you know what I mean? I can imagine. And Mothballs under a penis. Mothballs under the penis starring Liam Neeson. It's so muggy. Why is it so muggy? Ow.

Balls. So, I mean, so we're at 7-11 and we get this stuff we leave. I'm like, I'm never going again. And so it's a very almost dystopian kind of just the city. It's a lot of homeless, hot as fuck, not pretty. Anyway, we're walking around. You know, we're on the road.

We just got, we're just walking around. We don't really have much to do. Found a good place to eat. He just got nice spots, Spokane. Like this good breakfast place was a house of something and it was really good. Oh, and what was the gym I went to? I want to shout them out. PTC, the PTC gym.

It was called something. Hold on. It was really good. Spokane Gym PTC. Chrome, right? Chrome, yep, Chrome. This place was awesome. I walked in, they let me in for free.

Wait, is this it? no hold on is this it no no it looks like it looks like it is it but it's not it hold let me find out before even go hold on um i think this is it though hold on yeah this is it chrome prong c underscore is their instagram um and it was great i walked in they let me in and it's just great it's a great gym thank you to them it's a really good gym if you're in Spokane go there. And it's over 24 hours. You're going to get a pump on it.

So anyway, I mean, so there are good places in Spokane. And so we were walking by Nike and my buddy was like, going to go to Nike. I was like, sure, let's go to Nike. Let's just walk in Nike. It's just Nike. It's just a Nike. There's nothing special about it. It's not a special Nike.

It's not one of the Nikesys you walk in and you go, oh, look at this Nike. You're just walking in Nike and then you're in a Nike. and we're looking at the shoes and we're looking at the, you know, clothes and I got a shirt that has a tiger on it, so you know, I'm legit. And after that, I even realize it says Nike lifting on it, which is kind of gay, but whatever. Who cares? I still wore it to the show, two shows. And I'll wear it again. But so we're in Nike. just chilling. Some dude who looks like, you know, he looks like some,

he looks like, well, he looks white trash, but it looks like he would be like, you know, you know, one of the guys from eight mile, I guess, but not hip hop, maybe less hip hop and more kid rock, right? So he comes in, you know, he doesn't look homeless, but he looks

like he stays a lot of different places. Do you know what I mean? I guarantee a lot of people are like, where is this? Where is that guy? I haven't talked to him in a while. Like that kind of guy, right? He has a beard kind of. It's kind of growing, but not really.

Like only on like the, like the, like maybe, like how Leo grows a beard where you're like, it's not good enough. And he walks in, sits down, takes off his shoes, takes a box, puts other shoes on, okay? Then grabs three other boxes of shoes and walks out. Okay? So he is robbing the store. Now, this place has a ton of employees in it. like too many, you know?

One of those places where you're like, you know, it's Nike. It doesn't matter if, you know, it's, if there's too many, they don't give a fuck. They don't like just, we're a company. We make a trillion dollar. So there's a security guard who looks, you know, thin and capable of running. Not, not thin, but like, you know, fitish. He's shadowboxing in the corner, actually. Like, so he, he, he, this guy leaves, all right?

two employees standing next to close to me that one of them says hey that guy just stole a bunch of shoes and the other employee goes like this that's all right let him go okay he walks past security security does nothing and we're like oh my god okay that's crazy right now that's what you think you know when people tell you quote unquote liberal cities are like this you i don't believe it. I don't actually believe that they don't stop robbers from, you know, leaving with their shit. But they do. Saw it. Okay. And I've even seen videos of it on Instagram. And I still go, eh, I got to see that go down. Okay. Saw it go down. All right. Um, we're standing there and we're like, wow, that was crazy. Oh, the story's not over. Right. That, that, that's so, that to me, that, to me,

that's so crazy. crazy, the story should be over, right? You go, that's, that's, that's, that's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, that's the story I'm going to tell, okay? Not done though. As we're walking out, that robber walks back in, okay? Now, I'm just thinking balls, huge balls, right? Walks back in, but I'm also thinking crazy. but then I realized how not crazy he is. He doesn't have the shoe boxes. He's got his brand new spanking new shoes on from where he just walked out of,

walked back in, and literally said to an employee, hey, sorry, but I left my keys here. Did anyone find them? And the security guard gets them from behind the counter and gives them back to the guy. And the guy leaves slowly. now if somebody told me this story i wouldn't believe them i don't care who said if it was jesus that came down and said oh also i got to tell you this story about this guy who went into nike he left his keys and there stole a bunch of stuff left and then went back inside and the

security gave back his keys and he robbed it successfully i would be like jesus you didn't see it right you're not lying because you're Jesus, but you didn't see it right. Okay. I saw it. I'm me. I believe it. I'm not saying I'm better than Jesus. I don't think I am.

I don't know. I don't think, you know, nobody's better than Jesus, right? Jesus is the shit. That's why everyone's like, fucking Jesus is so awesome. And, uh, yeah. But it happened, dude. And, and Spokane is on fire. and I just go, this is fucking, what was that Ray Fines movie?

Strange Days? Was that what it was? Yeah. Is that even right? I don't know. There was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie I mixed it up with. End of times. End of days.

End of days. That's what it is. Because I used to do that. End of days. But yeah, how crazy is that, dude? They literally just, because it's not worth it. They're like, it doesn't matter. If there's any sort of, I'm sure it's, if there's any sort of like threat where you could

presume there'll be a threat you don't do anything that's crazy though that's just crazy so go pick up so go pick up nikes if you need them they're free um i was on my way to to the air i was i got to the airport to go there to spokane in this dude you know people you know pretty much every time everywhere i go somebody will say something and at the airport many people will be like saying something so this guy's like hey can to take a picture and i'm just in the mode of like getting it all I was like, yeah, sure. He does this selfie with me, and I look, and he's got fucking black eyeballs. Black eyeballs.

And it's not a filter because I look at my eyeballs and my eyeballs are not black. Okay? So he has black hair eyeballs. I almost, I like almost jumped. You know, when you see something and you like, did I jump or did I not, I don't, did I jump? You know, like you shake someone's hand and they have like three fingers and you go, oh, fuck. Did he know I jump? Jumped inside? Or did he not know?

Fuck. I hope he didn't realize I jumped inside. Jump inside. Starring Liam Neeson. Ah. We're going to have to get in there, but it's high up. Huh! This summer.

Um, made it. Um, we jumped inside. Worst movie. So, um, actually, dude, that's kind of. kind of a fucking lip movie. If there was a short called Jump Inside and Lineas

and all he did was jump inside some fucking place that was higher up. I'll have, how many views would that have on fucking YouTube? Move over fucking, who's the guy that does Gangam Style?

Move over Sue. Suckhead. What's his name? Sanghi? Sai? Oh, right. Suckhead. So yeah,

but like, Gangangang style. Dude, I remember when I showed that to Calvin for the first time, I was like, oh, love this. He goes like, I don't like this. I'm like, why? He's like, I don't, it's, no. And I turned it off. And I was like, okay.

I wanted to show him, Ant Man, man. Man, that's one thing that my wife does. Holy shit. She will push something on you like it is, like she's trying to make money off of it. Dude, I know everyone's wife sends them reels. And you go like this. Okay, I'll watch it. Right. That's just part of it. You go, I don't know. this is in your head you're like does she even know me you know what I mean okay oh nice this is about oh okay this is a couple in therapy talking about how they met oh okay yeah yeah I'll check this out right

that's just how it is men and women are interested in different things this is no news but man when Kristen is like I mean Calvin came in this morning and he was just like I'm looking for ants because we know it's the summer and we got ant problems. And we're like, okay, cool. And he's got one of these, like, things that he's turned into a weapon and he holds it.

And he's like really looking for ants. I mean, it's so funny. And, and Kristen says, we should show him Ant Man. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, that would be really cool. We might like that. It might be too scary, but, you know, she's like, nah, show it to him. I was like, all right.

So she's like, I want to see Ant Man trailer? And he's like, it's a superhero. Like I was really small. And Kevin was like, Yeah, but not now. She's like, oh, okay, not now? She's like, no. It's only two minutes.

And he's like, okay, but not now. Okay. And we're in bed and she's like, we should go downstairs and show him the Amman trailer. And I'm like, well, yeah, sure. Yeah, if he wants to, we go downstairs. The kids are downstairs. And she says, Calvin, I want you to watch this. And he says, what is it?

The Ant Man thing? And she says, yeah, he says, I don't want to. She says, please, we just. just watch it? What is that? Sao. Sa. What is it about wanting people? And it's not, it's not just wives. What is it about wanting people to do what you do? So what are we all cult leaders? What's up? And so he watched it, you know, and it's cute because my wife is like going like, oh, cool. What they're, you know, you do we try like get kids into it. You're watching it and you're like, whoa, dude, did you see that? It was an apple. And the kid's just like,

hey, dude, I'm not, I'm way smarter than what you're giving me credit for, you stupid bitch. And he watched it and afterwards, he literally turned to her and he said, can I watch my videos? And it's just like, what's up? Man, having kids makes you think about being a kid when you were a kid and how your did shit with you and you go, why didn't they fucking do that? And then you're going to fuck them up to and then later on they're going to be like, why didn't dad and mom do that?

Why was dad always talking about working out? Your summer travels deserve an upgrade. With select Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac vehicles connected by OnStar, you can stream, game, and more on the go. Whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway, you can access hundreds of apps on Google Play

right from your center display. explore OnStar tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar, better never stops. Billy does muscles, he goes. But it's more like this. And he's just shaking his head at rapid pace. Odyssey went over one billion in box office. But Spider-Man more or no?

No, not. Yeah. Spider-Man more, right? I never was in a Spider-Man, dude. Oh, man, I saw this reel on Instagram. It made me laugh so hard. I posted it on my story. He said, I think I reposted it, too.

It said, dudes that in superhero movies, people become superheroes by doing anything. And the guy was hammering a nail, and the hammer hit his hand. And then the hammer fell on his head, and it started bleeding. And then he became a hammer. Dude, that's the kind of shit I like. so much. And I get so happy when I see that kind of stuff, man. Fuck, I loved it.

Wife watched it, didn't crack a smile. It's all good. Dude, how about the WMBA dude? This is so gangster. I have one problem with it, and I wish he wouldn't do this. But, you know, they can't all do it the way you want to do it. But this is how I, this is how this person should have done it. But first of all, let's look, let's look at it.

Because there's an ex-NBA player that's saying he's eligible. and wants to be in the WMBA because he identifies as a woman. So here. I'm transgender. I'm a woman. I identify as sometimes identifying as a woman for purposes of basketball, professional basketball. So I'll be declaring for the WMBA draft in 2027 as well. Okay.

I don't like how he's saying I'm transgender when it comes to basketball. I wish the dude just said, I am a woman. I love I I it's my true self and we all know he was bullshit but this is the thing about the black community you can't really do that you know they don't do gay jokes they do not do gay jokes and if they do them they got to be like for basketball I do this but not for but dude the way this guy's doing this well I mean I think I'd be unstoppable what would stop you from the clan for the WNBA draft

um I think the WNBA could come out and make a definitive statement about about guys with with a pair of balls playing in the women's association. You know, you know, hey, that, that'd be, that'd be probably too much like, right. And unless they do that, you're very certain you're going to be declaring, right? Oh, no, I'm declaring. Yeah, no. And I don't want to be discriminated again. There you go. I want, I want fair treatment. Yeah. I'm a black. I'm a young, black, hopefully, United States Senator. I don't know what that's all about. That, that would like a fair chance to, to participate as a sometimes identifying as a transgender woman.

See, that's where I don't like it. Athlete. You got to say. If you make it to the WNBA, you plan to use the women's locker room and all that with them? I mean, of course. Nice. I don't want to be discriminated against it. I mean, come on.

Why wouldn't I use the women's locker room? Is there any player in the WNBA that you think could match up well with you? No. Yeah. No. Maybe Enis. Maybe me and Enis should play on the same team. Nice.

Enis rhymes with penis. That's just something. But it's interesting, right? When it comes to the gender stuff, but whatever, anyway. It's a joke in there somewhere. I won't do it, but I'm just pointing out that there is Enis rhymes with penis,

and that's it. So that's great. I hope that this woman makes it very far. I will say, though, did you see Sophie Cunningham, the thing where she was like, biological men don't whatever she's like they don't belong in women's sports

and then people are trying to tear her down and I saw Jeff die and he was just like they're just trying to ask they're just asked her a question she's not trying to be political she just asked a question she answered it because these race baiting gender baiting

uh media oh man it's just awful but whatever anyway dude can we just stop man um I did see this thing that was all over the for one day i don't really see stuff honestly that much anymore um if like i don't watch stuff on the internet i really i don't i mean i guess i'll see like workouts i like to watch that uh you know

or like i'll watch one of those fucking one of those accounts that's like uh shocking history revealed or something and it's like did you know that and it's always wrong you're like there's not That's not, that didn't happen. Look at this and then they show you and it's obviously AI. But I saw this everywhere. Drake with, what is this thing Drake did? He met like a million women. Why is the volume not really work?

Oh, the volume's too low on mine, on the computer. Yeah, technical difficulties. We couldn't get that video play, but now we can. What are we fixed. Just give me like one. Hold on. Here we go. I need to role play.

Drake just like. like a fucking survivor of spy. Drake, Drake looks like a detective in heaven. Hold on. Are you into role play? Why is he dressed like it? Like.

Silly? Like silly. A little silly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I am absolutely, by the way, you can look me down in my eyes. If you say do it,

I would. Okay, okay, okay. You're saying this, and now I'm gonna like test it. Okay. Well, why are they blocking out her boot? Did they come out or something? That's weird.

What do we? Just give me like one... Would you bark for me? Ar, hir, hark. Oh. Good, boy. Yeah, you know. Oh, dude.

Fuck. Wow. What, who is this? Look at this other... Ew. She's just spitting in another guy's mouth. What's going on, man? Internet.

What's up? What's up? Elon just... It's allowed, you know. Um, a video, yeah, put up. What is the heading? Yeah.

I'm sure. Free speech. That's crazy, dude. Har, har, har, ar. Someone did it with the, uh, what's his name? Kendrick beat. Har, har, har, har. They did that.

I saw it. Uh, I don't know. Oh, the Edinburgh festival is happening, right now? Rick Glassman's over there, I think, with this puppet. Amananax slams petition calling for cancellation over Edinburgh for show. What the fuck? Okay, hold on. Let's see what's up.

Why does she have a show? Isn't it, is it a comedy festival? Why does she have a show there then, period? She is? She's doing comedy. Of course she is. Oh, silly me. What the fuck's wrong with me?

Of course. Okay. There's a petition. Why? Did she kill someone or what? No, she didn't, right? She got to quit it. So she didn't do it.

And what's the petition for then? Saying it doesn't matter she did do it? I guess because it's taking a while to load, but here we go. Okay. Amanda Knox hit back a petition calling for the cancellation of Edinburgh, Edinburgh Fringe show, saying the critics have made many false assumptions about her work. Oh, okay. Here's the deal.

It's loading, and it's taking so long, and that's okay. Either the author of this petition or anyone who signed it has seen Cartwheel. What the fuck is Cartwheel? Oh, that's her show. So she does a fucking show. How the hell? I don't know anything, man. Anyway, this is a load.

But in the meantime, disrespecting merit of this memory as well as normalized violence against women by taking light of such harrowing events. Oh, so she's talking about her experience. Okay. Comics rarely treat these experiences lightly or make them the butt of the joke, she concluded. Instead, they use a comedy way to explore them, creating space for audiences to engage with complex ideas. I'll fucking shut up, dude. Knox was convicted of Kircher's murder. She was convicted. You said she wasn't. Oh, in, since it's 26 years in prison, but conviction was overturning 2011. Oh, wow, okay. Before she was fully

acquitted in 2015. What the fuck is all this shit saying? After release, Knox became media personality writing books, hosting a podcast, and producing television series. So, so she didn't do it. I mean, honestly, dude, Edinburgh festival, that's a comedy

festival, is don't, like, comics go there and they do a show for a month, right? Now, come on. Do they do it? Bye. I don't know about being somewhere for a month. I don't know about being any.

I've never done Edinburgh Festival. Doubt I ever will. I'm sure they would not have me. But don't want to ever be somewhere for a month. Also, isn't it, is it nice there? Do people like it? What is Edinburgh? Where is it?

Scotland. Yeah, I know. So anyway, go check out a man of Knox over in a It's a good review for that. So go on over and check the Indiana Knox Wildflower Show what the fuck is called? Sunflower. Fucking, what?

Cartwheel. Wow, so far off. Sunflower. Shashmet, if you could sleep with anybody dead or alive, who would you sleep with? Bro, Indian accents are wild. Alive. Why are you taking a video?

I'm not a necrook. I would like to put it on record that I'm not a necrophile and I only like alive women. Oh, but I didn't ask. When you were sleeping and I kiss you, that was to wake you up. It was romantic. What? It was not necrophilia. I don't like dead people.

I like alive people, I like dead people, but not sexual. I like dead people platonically. Stop the video. Dude, honestly, that was fake and that was great. He is good. That guy should be on fucking SNL. with that kind of an acting. He's good. I watched He-Man. Fell asleep during it. That's not a knock on He-Man because I was dead dog tired, okay?

But it's bad. Okay? And I wanted it to be good. Did you see it? Yeah. No, you can watch it on Prime. Streaming. I watched it and it's just not good. It, you know what it does? It misses, dude. There's a tone and it's not the right tone. The script, first of all, is bad. You could have made that script into something campy and cool, and they just didn't. Furthermore, they marketed that movie wrong. They should have marketed it as a funnier movie, but also the jokes didn't play anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Bad performances, the only one that's good. And I am not a fan of this dude is Jared Leto. So that was great. for a last performance in Hollywood because he'll never be in anything again probably and maybe in 10 years you will because of that documentary that came out, I guess. He was supposed to be in something,

but he has, I guess they said it was how he has a cult or I don't know what the fuck. I don't know, you know, I don't know who I don't know anything. And, you know, it's like, everyone's like, oh, you know, they'll say, oh, the media fucking lies. And then they'll read it and then they'll be like, oh, dude, fuck Jared Leto. You know, you know,

what, did they lie or not? And then also, are you believing everything? Okay, congratulations, you're your mom. Congratulations, you're your mom.

Mons believe everything. After moms, after the kids leave the house in college, moms believe everything, whether written or said, they believe it. Congratulations, man.

That's you. So I don't know. I don't give a fuck. I don't know. But, but he man was bad, but he was good. And it just wasn't funny.

And, you know, it's upsetting that people were trying to act like, why did this movie bomb? It bombed because it fucking sucks, dude. Ha! It also bombed because nobody wants to see fucking he-man,

unless they're 50, because it was on 50 years ago. And even if you're 50, you go like this. They made a human movie? Oh, cool. Well, we should watch that. And then you don't.

Okay? The movie is, is bad. You know what it is? And I'll tell you right now, I could have made it so good. Fucking, it's one of those movies

where like the guy fights one guy and, and, and, and you're like, why aren't the, they want to eliminate He-Man. Why are the other guys

just standing around? Bad acting. The guy who played He-Man was okay. I have no problem with that, dude. But, um, they explained nothing.

If I didn't know, He-Man was so big in my childhood. Okay, for me, if I didn't know anything about He-Man, yo, I would be like, what the fuck is this garbage? It's too scary for my kids. Skeletor with his red eyes and trap jaw with his one arm and iron jaw. It's bad anyway. So that's my review. There's also a movie called Master of the Universe that they made.

I love how they could just rip shit off. and it's a fake human and it was made last year. I don't know if you know that, but I'm going to be watching that too because of my OCD. And I'll be watching Master of the Universe as well. I'm going to look at some of these here. Tinders. Do you have Deservat Scales or no, just Tinder's? Okay, I see Tinder's here.

You said the Deservate Scale was the good one though, right? Let me look at this deserve it scale here. He said he wasn't sure, though, because the guy might get hurt too much for me. Thanks for looking out. I haven't get rid of. Wait, I can't even see what's happening. Okay. Oh, no.

Okay. Dude. He's backwards on. Nah, dude, this dude kind of deserves. If this dude intentionally got on the fucking C-Doo like this, fuck him, you know? You read about this? Okay, I got, I got a look at this. Hold on.

You got read about a Reddit video, you know. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Fuck.

The guy in the thing's still holding his iPhone. No, it's a GoPro. Um. Oh, my. Oh, this is fucking horrific. Oh, fuck. Okay. Nice.

Good. I got you. I got you. I got you. Are you okay? Jesus. I got you. I got you.

Oh, this is harrowing. This should be in a fucking, this is amazing. In a bad way. They got to put this in Criterion Collection. Oh my God. If this was black and white, it would be in Criterion Collection. What? From what?

Who the fuck's the other? This stupid TikTok thing at the end of every video. Sometimes it's way too loud you in a Bluetooth speaker. You go, oh, fuck, I'm dying. Oh, no, that was horrific. Ah. What the fuck? Is the guy okay?

it? Okay. Oh my God. That could have been it. He fucking passed out, dude. Oh, my God. No, that was, yeah, okay. Did I ever tell a story about one time when I took a woman to my comedy show and then, I mean, this, this woman was a, I mean, she looked like a cartoon. She looked like that, what's that cool world? Looks like that. She looks like that. What's that cool world? It looks like that. woman like i'm just like this is impossible this woman is the way she looks and i invited her to a show i hadn't met her and she was like sure she was like this russian i don't know and she was up my show was just her i sat her down we watched the show and then or i'm sorry she watched me and then i i i just i i uh we were talking in the back and i was she's like what do i don't know i'm probably

just gonna go home and want to kick it and she's like yeah i would love to come so i was like oh awesome And I went to, so she met me at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, I drove to the show. So I get in the car with her to leave. Cause. I'm 35 or something. And bro. Walk home. You know what I mean?

Like, I would get it. I would get it. Now, here's, I wouldn't do something like this now because that's kind of whack. but I actually, I wouldn't care personally, but I probably wouldn't do that now. Well, I mean, if I was single, I'm saying, right? And my buddy was, I wouldn't leave him stranded somewhere. I mean, but my head in my defense, I'm like, there's Uber, he'll figure it out, I'll fucking text them. But I get in a car with this cool world chick, start the car, and then I get on my window.

No, no, no. sorry, sorry, dude, sorry, dude. On her window, I look over, all I see is my friend's jeans. And I go, oh no, I never want to see my friend's jeaned.

You know what I never want to do? Look, look, when I was 45, Did I want to be in a car with a hot chick? Yeah. 100%. Know what I never want to do? Be in my car with a hot chick with the windows closed and beyond her window are my friend's jeans. Okay?

So I go, oh my God. And I rolled down the window, hey, a little bit. This much. I go, yeah, he leans down. Hey. Hey. Hey. Yeah, we were just getting at.

Okay. You want to, are you going to, are you going to, you drop me off at the, hey. Was that meme? No. Dude? I go, ah, I can't. just such a dick but you know and then i fucking texted him and we were laughing about it so hard this motherfucker i'm in a car with the cool world chick we laughed so i love that dude and i'm also

you know that that's stupid that i did that honestly but you got to grow up but man she's something else huh no you didn't see her but uh anyway totally cool too cool chick dude and russian you can't do that well maybe me dropping off a dude with a russian chick in my car she wouldn't even know what the fuck is happening she'd be like what is why is their man here he wanted to show us his jeans babe what do you want i'll drop you off at the macdonald it's close enough um oh man that was funny dude that you know what that was a dick moved by me, maybe. I know, I know it's arguable.

You'd be like, bro code. And I'm telling you, if I'm on the other end of that situation, I go, peace, bro, have fun, right? But not all guys are like that. You can't really play like that with a lot of guys. But my God, dude, I'm so glad I have that memory. I think he is, too.

It's so funny. We laugh about it now. Well, I laughed about it then, too. But not then. Then I was, the anger in me. Well, I was full blown to my addiction, though. So good. Um, anyway, dude.

Yeah, so that being said, come see me in. Where am I going to be? Tulsa and Portugal. And also friggin, what's that other place that I'm going to be in this week? Bakersfield, Missouri, Springfield, Missouri, and Tempe in Arizona

and a bunch of different places. Go to Chrissley.com. Thank you very much. I appreciate you guys. I don't know. I'm a lot, I don't know, fucking child,

I don't know.