Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 523. Piecedom

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

In this episode of Congratulations Chris recounts his time in Bakersfield, has some sage self help advice, and has some words for all the pieces out there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk. Hey, what's up? Welcome to episode 523 of Congratulations. Oh, man, listen to those people. They're so excited. So, guys, it is among us. Episode 523. It's the first ever episode of 523.

Congratulations. It's the first 523 episode ever episode ever. of congratulations. So that's something to celebrate. And other than that, there's not really crazy stuff to celebrate except for the fact that the Tupac murder trials are finally underway in 30 years later. This is 30 years later now, which is wild, which is kind of like time is, okay, so there's time and that exists. And then you want to be like, all right, Well, it doesn't exist, though, if the guy gets caught eventually, then time is a sham. And then you go like this, but it took 30 years.

That guy got to ride it out for 30 years. So I'm like, they should have got him sooner, you know? But, you know, obviously they're going to do their work. They're going to take, it's going to take as long as it's going to take as long as it's going to take. I always think about that. Won't tell you the story. Just this in my head. and that's what that's what that's what's going on with that and i'm you know i don't know uh apparently

the guy admitted to it but that was in some i he wrote about it in a book and who knows if it was stories or not uh or if it was true but the guy was gang affiliate here's the thing dude if you're just if you're just you know i i i just like this and then um I saw the thing about, I was talking about it on Lifeline. The, uh, the only fans model to, she took the plea deal for killing her boyfriend. And it's like she did that. And she already served four years. She dropped it down to manslaughter.

So she's going to serve like two or three more years. Uh, and her defense was she threw the knife at her boyfriend in defense and, uh, in self-defense. and I'm just like, ah, lock them all up. I just, I don't know. You know, and then they go, I think we're going to get to a point where, you know, at least publicly, I don't know if the law is going to do this, but we're, maybe we're already there, but where they just go, you know what? Who was in the room when the crime happened?

Everyone's arrested. They're all, they're all, they're all, they're all got to go into jail. Right? Because it's going to be like when you write a song and people are like, well, he was in the room. If you're in the room when you wrote the song, then you created the song and you get royalties. That's what it's like. When somebody dies at a party, lock the whole party up. Just it shouldn't be a party where somebody gets killed. Okay? Lock everyone up. what happened here you got you got killed uh the girlfriend did it uh the boyfriend got stabbed did the boyfriend live i locked the boyfriend up because there was something going on i know there's just

crazy people out there that just kind of go stabbing right they just are like you know what i might be going stabbing tonight i don't know but they don't know until something in their mind goes ah it's time to go stabbing. They grab a knife and just start, you know, poking people. And, uh, but most of the time, you know, if somebody's getting a stabbing, you might deserve it. And I don't mean, look, relationships are toxic. If a, I'll put it this way. If a woman is poking a man, right, in the, in the, in, in, in, in this relationship, a guy probably somehow had it coming, right? And I don't mean, she should have done it. What I mean is, you know,

when you live by the gun, you die by the gun, right? If you're out there acting like a, like here's a deal, here's another one, you two pranksters, you're going to get your face fucking smashed in. And, uh,

I don't care. You lived by, you lived by that energy. So what, that's how it's, Oh, okay. You know what I mean? It's almost like this. We live in a society. Work with us. You're not going to go out there and, you know, in a in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, you're going to get poked. And yeah, that's illegal. They shouldn't poke you. But you got to know you're in poking. You're, you're, you're in poking.

distance poking distance you're in the mindset of pokey pokiness like there's no way let's stop acting like we don't know

what's gun happen okay so my point is you know you could say it's victim blaming or whatever but if you're in a position to where you're you

You know, I don't know, man. I just get into it's like, I think about these things where it's like just, yeah, I know, I know life's hard. But it's hard for us all. You know, nobody's kind of above that. And so just kind of don't, don't, don't be shitty to people, you know? That's it. That's it. Just don't be shitty, dude.

And I know it's hard because sometimes you see a fucking guy with like a black tank top on at a taco place and you're like, why the fuck would you wear that here? And you want to be shitty because it's like put on a goddamn shirt. At least wear a white fucking tank top. Guys, wearing a black tank top like it's fashionable.

Dude, you're a piece of shit. Just own it. Wear a white one. You're going to fucking change the color of your tank top, and all of a sudden that's fashionable? Dude, you're just a colorful piece of shit. You know? What is it?

A-Lo set? Allo? A-lo? I don't know what's the fucking brand every woman has. Allo. That's like the, that aloe is like, it should be A-Lo, by the way. It's A-Lo from now on. Because al-O is what you put on your fucking rashes.

is aloe is what you put when you brush up against some poison oak or poison ivy and then you got to put aloe on it or if you get too sunburn so alo is not taken so congratulations alo you're the company um it'd be like if i fucking started a clothing company called trazadone people be like is it trazadone no it's tracadone but isn't that what you use to help you sleep i guess so yeah but i don't know my clothing line is trazadone that sounds like a medicine okay well it's not it's tank tops and matching sets um yeah i don't know what to uh really kind of you know i i i'll tell you this much i slept 11 hours last night 11 and i i don't do that okay uh a monday and tuesday are the are the go hard sleeping days okay because i do my my uh my um shows in Bakers. I did my shows in Bakersfield. And I came back and I'm getting to the point where now,

I guess I don't know if I'm at the age or whatever. I'm 46. I'm at the age where when I come home from the road, whatever's happening from then until I wake up. And I don't mean I'm going to sleep right then. I just mean whenever I get home, whatever's happening from that moment to when I wake up next, I'm not going to remember it.

That's, it's like I'm partying drunk, but I'm not. I'm just, dude, I got home yesterday. I drove back, got back at like one, okay? I laid down in, I said hi to the kids, hugged them, you know, we were playing a little bit, laid down where I was in the entryway and fell asleep for an hour, in the entryway of my house, okay? woke up and I and I and I I I woke up like it was 2.30 a.m. And here's the thing. I didn't get bad sleep this weekend.

I got fine sleep. I got about eight hours, two nights before and six the night before six, six 30, maybe six and a half. And like that's enough. I'm a, you know, 46 year old man. That's fine. I'm smooth sailing with with six and a half and eight. as long as I got eight the night before and then six and a half, I should be good.

Dude, I got home, fell asleep in the entryway, woke up at, you know, 2.30, three, and then just was kind of like cuddling on the couch with the boys. And then, you know, just what else happened? I don't know. Tell me. Oh, I remember. I started watching a British show. Dude, I was fucking Brit Brock's up last night.

I mean, I was fucking Brit box up. I go like this. What's on? I look at Apple TV. I see a movie called a show called Gone. Bro, it's got a guy who is, looks like he's the British Kevin Spacey, I guess. I mean, there's, by the way, there's too many guys that look like this guy. Go look up Gone and look up the guy.

It's a British show. It couldn't, it actually couldn't be more British. The guy couldn't be more British. He was one of the bad guys in Walking Dead for a season. And he looks too much like guys. There are guys that look like, I would say, okay, so like, let's say, you know, what percentage of men look like Brad Pitt, 0.05, 0.01, okay? What percentage of men look like Sean Aston? 1%, right?

What percentage of people look like, you know, let's say Jerry Rice, one percent, okay? What percentage of people look like this guy and gone? What's his name? David Morrison? Morrissey? I would say 4.5% of men look like him. I just can't even believe. Like, from him to look up.

Curry Graham, C-U-R-R-I-E, Graham. He's a friend of mine. Look up him. He fits in the 4.5%. Okay? Look up Spencer Garrett. He's another friend of mine. He's an actor.

He's great. You look him up, right? You got him right there? You're going to show him all right, yeah. Okay. You got him? Bam, boom, he's right there. Okay?

No, he fits in the 4. point five in the four point five look up Kevin Space you know what Kevin Space is like bam that's him you know obviously 10 15 years ago but dude it's just like every fucking uh 10th guy no every 20th guy looks like this motherfucker dude and it's just a user friendly type beat man and he's the british version dude I swear to god you go to fuck you go to somewhere in Tunisia, you see it. Really? Here too? You look like the fucking guy.

He goes, Spencer got it? Yes, dude. Yeah, yeah. No, I know it's like 4.45. We know that here at Zimbabwe. Really? Yes. Corrigam, yeah?

Is the Korygram effect? By the way, good-looking dudes. Really good-looking dudes, especially Curry. I think Curry is a fucking cool dude. Good-looking dude. Anyway. yeah dude it's just he's the British version I so I've I've turned on Britbox and I've fucked it up I leveled it I just go click zone out like I'm one of the cogs in a minority report

just like you know touching two other heads just zoning the fuck out like I'm in foot deep liquid predicting future crimes like I'm let you know what I mean like I know anderton personally. I hate that his name is Anderton in that movie, dude. Anderson. Okay? And so just zoned out on Britbox and just, by the way, that shows awesome.

It couldn't be more British. The only way we more British was called beans in a tomato. No, breakfast, colon, beans in a tomato. Wow, that would be. be the worst show of all time breakfast colon beans and tomato but you know where it would be filmed straight up in fucking manchester the outskirts speaking of which i'll be there chrissley dot com go get tickets i'll be in manchester i'll be in london i'll be in a bunch of different places i'm going to be in uh springfield missouri i'm going to be in paris i'm going to be in

ben salem pit uh pennsylvania i'm fucking going all over the place dude go get tickets at christie dot com just added like North Carolina and stuff. Anyway. So yeah, I did that. And then I went to, and then I just was like, what even happened? And then by the time I go, it was like 11.

I was trying to stay up. And my wife was doing something that only she does, which is like she was in the dining room, fixing, trying to do this, put together this game that she was created. I mean, dude, she's basically my, honestly like when you watch blown away the movie who's the bad guy in that was it Tommy Lee Jones

whatever movie that is where Tommy Lee Jones is the bad guy is it blown away he he is that's who my when I watch that movie and I go and I see Tommy Lee Jones making the bombs you know or whatever yeah that's him okay my wife could do that I go oh you go who would do this and you know my wife but she's too hot you go you go oh yeah well it's obviously a man who turns into this because

he feels like he's not getting his due and not getting access to what he needs to get access to. So he's turned to bomb developing and terror and terror, right? But a hot woman would never. Like there will never ever be a hot woman serial killer. They just won't. They have too much access. They have too many things to do. Why are they going to go poking?

Right? They didn't. And, you know, and even if they, even if women try to kill people sometimes, it's usually from poison, right? which is very, what do you call it, removed from the killing, right? Like, you ain't shit unless you kill somebody look in your eyes while you're doing it. I'm sorry, but that's up.

You should honestly go to jail for extra time if you don't look in someone's eyes when you kill them. Because you're a bitch too. You get bitch years. For the crime of murder, you get 25 years to life with no parole, no

what do you call it? No thing for parole? No possibility of parole. And also though you are to serve 10 years, 10 bitch years because you didn't look in their eyes, you poisoned them. So you'll be there already

for life, but then also 10 years for bitch years. So you're never getting out. Cong, gunk. A journey. I'm standing outside of the courthouse where they convicted the killer and 25 to life. So he's not seen the light of day. But even if he does, he's also got 10 bitch years.

Back to you. Where's the news brief? And so, yeah, yeah, yeah. Time served for looking in eyes. but anyway so I woke up this morning woke up this morning and got yourself some breakfast

and then fucking fell asleep again breakfast beans and a tomato on BBC on Britbox so I went to I woke up at 9 no no no no no I'll go about 10

something 10. Let's just say 10. Don't remember. Calvin was already downstairs, just running amok doing his thing, you know. Wake up, make breakfast. I don't even remember what. I was still in a blur. I don't understand. You know, and everyone, every time, I posted something on Instagram and they were like, get your blood levels. Everyone's like, get your fucking blood levels check.

Get your levels checked. Everybody. all right dude i'll get my levels checked how about that i will okay and then uh i go to uh i i i eat and then i go i'm so tired and i literally think fuck this i go back upstairs get in bed another hour of sleep another one and then i woke up at noon. It was like 12.5. Oh, what a dis... I felt really like, ugh. Woke up. Woke up this moment. But then I went downstairs. I got dressed. I went downstairs. I went to the get coffee, oatmeal, and then the gym crushed it. And here's the deal.

I'm seeing distractions. Okay. So it's all good. You want me to open on my arms like that? Chest wicked. All right? Especially my chest days. open up the wingspan chest wicked all right yeah and i was supposed to do back today and i was too tired and i go let's do chest i went super heavy chest wicked what'd you work out today my wicked what if a guy asked and he said that what'd you work out today my wicked chest what day was it for you What day was it for you? No, what, what do you say? What, wicked chest?

Uh, yeah, my wicked chest. That's what I worked out today. What did you work out today? I need to be more like that, dude. I know I'm like that in my mind, but I need to be more like that, honestly, up front. You know, I got to, I gotta be more like that. Because I was at, I did my,

I did my show in Bakersfield and I was getting coffee the next day at the hotel which was nice. It had a good coffee place just downstairs. Got the coffee super strong. Sat down. It was with my opener. And this lady walked by and said,

hey, great show last night. I said, oh, thanks so much. You were there. She said, yep. And then she looked at my opener and she said, you're a dick and walked away. and I go, what? And I said to him, I said, what did she say that for?

And he says, I don't know. And I was like, really? He's like, yeah, I have no idea. And then we figured it out because she was at the show. And he was on stage and she heckled or something, just called something out. And he said, oh, you sound from the audience, he said, you sound like you have no teeth. And she didn't. so yeah i mean that's warranted but also it's comedy show and you know i hate to say it but get your teeth fixed

you know the well or don't don't or don't you know but then if somebody says you sound like you have maybe less teeth than normal then you're just kind of um yeah it's kind of you know well yeah i get it but uh there are so many different and i mean so many and i mean between 40 and 50 kids dental places in Bakersfield. And I say that because we looked online and there's between 40 and 50. And that's too many and something else is going on. And people said that it was because of meth. And I go, oh yeah, well, meth destroys your teeth.

But then I said, but wait a minute, that doesn't make sense. Because what six-year-old is doing meth? And they said, no, but you can like, it's a generational thing. You do meth. Your teeth get fucked up. You have kids. Some teeth fucked up. And I said, wow, that's crazy.

I didn't know that. because Bakersfield has a big meth problem. But whatever. Dude, I'll tell you what, these shows in Bakersfield were great. I love the club. The owner's great. It's the well in Bakersfield. Go check it out.

It's a great comedy club. And I had a great time. The people there were awesome. They were really appreciative. And, you know, it was so funny because, and I put this on my Instagram story, but I should talk about it here on this podcast because I'm trying to get the word out there. there was like these this i don't know this woman or something was trying to put together a protest to have me to stop me from performing at the well uh and that uh that wasn't going to happen you know

the owner's like fuck that i'm not doing that i don't give a shit and so uh the you're like show up uh so we uh did the show and all week you know for three weeks we we booked the show three weeks out it was late. And there was supposed to be the big protest, and people were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was supposed to protest all weekend. Didn't show up Friday.

Didn't show up Saturday. So, uh, you know, I mean, you can say a bunch of things about people like this. Obviously, uh,

these people do this. You know, you could say, oh, they do it and then get, then then something else comes up. But it's like, dude,

you're a lazy asshole. Uh, you're doing this for clicks and content. and you don't actually give a shit about anything, but people liking your video. And you know, you can say, oh, you know, oh, it makes me feel like a good person. You're virtue signaling.

You're virtue signaling. And you piece. And it's okay, but you peece. And you look. This is the thing that I don't like, okay? It is very obvious who is crazy. Do you know why? Vision. Use your vision. Okay. When someone comes up and they're like, uh, hey, I'm a businessman. You go, oh, no, you're not. No, you're not. Why are we

pretending like these motherfuckers are CEOs and towers? You're not. It's very, very rare for a businessman, to be limping with an unkempt beard. It's very rare it happens, but it's very rare. So why do we give these people who pose online with see-through skin suits and tattoos everywhere?

Why do we take them serious? It's so very obvious. You can say, oh, well, that's a pot call in the kettle, You're a crazy person. You're the guy streaming alone in a room in a podcast. And yeah, dude, that's my job. It is now people's job, though, beyond podcaster or whatever, to just be a crazy person.

Because you go online, you get clicks, you monetize it. And then that's your job. And we're acting like, oh, yeah, that's a content creator. No, dude, you're crazy. You're the CEO of crazy enterprises. And let's not forget, you peace. At the end of the day, you peace. I mean, dude, who are we kidding?

And we're at the day and age where pieces can come together and strike a revolution or some sort of. sort of, but guess what, dude? I'm tired of this shit. You piece, you piece, you piece, you piece. All I want to do is make people laugh and get bags. And that's it. That's my job.

Dude, the world is in turmoil. And I just want to get on stage and make people, dude, there were people in the audience that literally, and this sounds very David Brent, but called out and said, I'm just so excited to be here. Thank you. And I go, what?

And it was a lady that was like an aunt or something. And I said, tell me about it. And she was like, I just never thought I get to see you. And now that I'm, you came to Bakersfield, I'm just, I'm just so happy. And dude, I could cry. And the people who want to ruin that moment because of their own gain, uh, uh, with clicks and follows and content. those people have entered, and I don't say this lightly, peacedom, okay?

Not only are you a peace, you've created peacedom. And that sounds nice. P-E-A-C-E, dumb sounds nice, but that's not the kind of piece I'm talking about. I'm talking about the piece that comes in front of of shit. okay, you piece. P-I-E-C-E, he spelled I before E except after C,

dumb, peace-dum. That's what you've created, okay? So go ahead, dance around and all your sheer clothing with 955 tattoos and your 50, but all we're trying to do is just forget that there's a, war going on and the price of everything is nine thousand dollars so please dude whoever the mayor is of peacedom just stop uh you know and but whatever what what's what's what's what's going to do

stop it's not going to stop so you get a fucking twitch you get a kick and you fucking you know all right fucking spilled of water on my penis. It's okay. I've been taking electrolytes. I don't even know. What does it do? I guess you got it. If you work out hard, I do. Every gym I go to doesn't have 85 pound weights. They have fucking dumbbells that go up to 80 and then 90. The fuck is that. It's like the 13th floor on the, on the hotels. All I told my kids, I told my kids, guys, you got to go in the other room because I'm going to do, I'm going to do my show. I'm going to do my podcast. You got to go in the other room. So just stay in there. and they say, oh, I don't want to.

I say, okay, then please just be quiet. And all I hear the whole time is through the wall. Dude, hey, guys, be quiet. I mean, that's all I said. They go, yeah. They want to play their fucking sneaky Sasquatch game. And that's fine. I said, turn a volume lower.

They did. And they're still, and here's the thing. You can't hear them, but I can. And the rage, the anger, you know, I try to flip my rage into kindness, but how can I, how can I do that when I'm just sitting alone, right? I do flip my rage into kindness a lot, a lot. It's actually quite beneficial. Like, I'll do shit, like, you know, here's an example.

I'll talk about this in my act, but I, I, when my wife talks during a movie, in intense rage, just intense rage. But I know that that's not. acceptable, right? Like, you know that part where he's like, the real where the guy goes, and you interrupted me. You know, that shit is so funny because,

and every man thinks it's funny because it is exactly what it's like. And he go, interrupt me. Or whatever the fuck. And you're crying and you're interrupted me. Right? Just because it's like, dude, let him get his fucking words out, cry later.

Okay, you know, I understand that's not acceptable. It's not acceptable to do that. What that guy did was not acceptable. It still was, uh, just, you can be just and acceptable and just and unacceptable. Because there you go again. I'm trying to fucking talk and you know, and that's just every relationship, okay? So when I'm watching Gone on BBC or on Brit Box, when I'm tearing Brit Box up, dude, when I'm in full, I'm in full mid-Brit box mode, you know,

because I'll tell you one thing right now, if someone's wrongly accused of something in a show, if someone's wrongly accused about killing his wife or, you know, woman wrongly accused killing her husband, and the detective is playing like a cat and mouse game with the person, and you're not sure about it as an audience member for like six, seven episodes until the eighth episode

and then it wraps up on the 10th episode. Put that shit on Britbox and I am all in, dude. To me, to me, that's my coming. Okay? Right? That's my busting. I go, I go, I'll bust it on.

Now, I'll walk. watch the shit out that. Okay. And when I watch the shit out that and my wife is there not watching it and then says something in the middle of when the fucking guy saying something, intense rage. And that's, you know, you know what it is? It's just how it goes. It's how it be. Right. Your wife's not a piece for that. You're not a piece for getting mad. It's just how it be. Okay. So when that happens, I know it's not acceptable to start throwing chairs. I know it's not acceptable because I'm 46. And I learned this when I was 36.

Okay. I learned it when I threw a chair outside once. And that was the last time I did that because you just shouldn't be throwing chairs. But I did that because Ron White got mad at me for something. And I didn't feel like it was right. he later called and we patched things up i you know i like run white but it's just you know i threw a chair and if the chair was iron and it just kind of bounced around it didn't break or anything but it was just still stupid it was in the middle of the night nobody was going to get hurt

but still it was just yes i threw a chair yes your honor yes i threw it guilty through a chair two bitch years and so um you know I know not to do that now because I've grown as a person because evolution I believe in evolution because evolution is something, dude. People, people,

people can change. There was a fucking electrolyte down there and fucking making me cough. But, so when my wife does that, you can flip your anger, dude. be a life coach. Being dead, being dead serious, dude. Not the kind that they do. A real life coach. That's what it's called. You know when you get mad? You get mad because your wife's talking during a fucking movie. Yeah, what do you do? You get fucking rage, right? Just literally, I'll book all the venues. The night after Tony Robbins does, wherever he goes, I follow him. And I go, this is the real life coach, though.

Did you see Tony Robbins? That's great. Do that. If you want the real shit, come to me. I follow him everywhere. And then I go the next night and I go, how about when your wife fucking talks during the movie when you're watching it? Intense rage, right?

You could flip that into kindness. Now, you know not to throw a chair? Because you learned it. Well, how old are you? You, how old are you? 42. You learned not to throw a chair, right? Yeah.

How old were you? I don't know, 33. Right. You throw one chair as a guy, you look at your fucking wife, you go, oh, I shouldn't have done that. Okay? So what you do is you flip your anger. Emotion is emotion. Emotion at the top is emotion at the top.

So if you're emotionally angry, flip it, reverse it, and make it kindness. So flip it, reverse it. Flip it, reverse it. Gotta work it. It's never. Yefnyev. It's Nerf of a Niem and Yefnev. If you got a big, Ro, let me work it. Tony Robbins with fucking missing Mr. Meena Elliott. That's, and so that's what's happening. Okay? You're flipping it into kindness. What you do is you pause the fucking movie. You look at her with a huge smile.

Like one of the ones on the cover of the fucking movie poster. Smile. Like this. Tell him a kindness. Hit it. Beon, weo. If it's a big, Let me work it. It's Nerfif, Fennib and the FNF&Fs. It's Nerfibna FNi FNFs. This is the real life coach. Man, would I fucking sell out or what? You stupid bitches.

Nah, but everybody wants to fucking clean cut guy who takes ice plunges in the beginning of the day and then fucking goes right into a sauna because that's healthy. Fuck you, bro. I don't wake up and do ice plunges. I wake up. I make up.

breakfast and if I'm tired I go back to sleep for a fucking other no bro this is the real you tired yeah well why don't you sleep more oh I don't know I don't get much sleep stay in bed yeah I know but I can't well fucking wait till you fall asleep again hit it it's nerf if it nivin nef yaf fuck it sounds like a party to me and I'll tell you right now if somebody did that I'd attend and I would pay top dollar for that bitch nah but you know okay fine don't do that you know I should do that. Book the venues.

I want, you know what? And I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even make money on it, but it's, it's a just cause, you know? These fucking life,

these, these snake oil salesmen, these fucking, you know, remember the AlphaCon and like the, you, by the way, you go to Miami.

The Manosphere is like, the Manosphere shit, you know, it's like, come on, man. Can we all just take a fucking beat honestly i will too i'll take a beat i'll take a beat i'll take a beat i'll take a beat dude i'll take a sweet beat like a genuine sweet loving beat because people don't man they're so

wrapped up in their shit be unwrapped be unwrapped dude you know if you like a massage go get a massage i don't like massages because my lower back skin has always kind of felt I don't like people touching it, you know, not like in the Armenian way. And like the, it just kind of aches a little bit. My lower back skin from the middle of my back to the top of my ass has never really been the hot zone to touch. And by anyone, really, someone I know, someone I don't know. And, you know, not in the, I say not in the Armenian way because you know what I mean,

because they'll just do shit like, hey, hey, hey, don't touch me there. That's actually not, eh, eh, eh. my back from the middle to the bottom to the top to the top of my ass that's off limits dog that right there is a no touch zone dog I don't come to your house and put my hands all over your stuff dog what yeah

anyway you don't your food or you have an ugly wife just making up sayings um yeah I just uh just take a beat man relax we need to relax more I just, everyone's so mean, you know, everyone really is so mean.

And then you go, well, but you believe in the good in people. And yeah, you do. But some, some, some. Like every day more and more, I look, I go, yeah, nah, Thanos had a fucking point. But you'd want him to pinpoint the people that he snaps and takes out, right? And, you know, this new Avengers movie coming out, Doomsday, it's Robert Downey Jr. as the bad guy. And they get him a bunch of money and I don't even think he shows his face, which is crazy.

And I don't know if it has to do with a multiverse thing where they're going to have Robert Downey Jr. You know, is Dr. Doom also Tony Stark? I don't know. I don't even know if they're going to show the face. If they don't, I guess it doesn't really matter. Right? because it could be anybody, right? But or is it, you know, just look, hey, we got the same actor and who cares, that's what we want to do.

He's a good actor. And we want him to play Doom now. But I saw the trailer. And the trailer is cool, I guess, you know, whatever. Like, it certainly was an undertaking. And, you know, Robert Dundee Jr. sounds cool in it. You know, I say sounds cool because you don't see his face. He's just a fucking robot.

I didn't know Dr. Doom was so powerful. He wasn't, he isn't because it's all made up. But there are plenty of adults online talking about it. Funny thing actually about Dr. Doom being, since people say Thanos is, they're like, oh, but Thanos is actually the most strongest person in the galaxy. Oh, actually, that makes me laugh because then, okay, oh, I'm sorry, Thanos is actually the one then who not only has technological capabilities

of genius and can create kind of anything about he makes McGiver look like fucking a three year old okay but also oh his mom was a witch

okay his mom was a witch oh and oh yeah he doesn't have witch blood in him and doesn't know sorcery and learned that as an early an early age okay I'm sorry

that's oh we're talking about Thanos not Dr. Doom no that's actually Dr. Doom okay so so yeah so when Thor throws a camera at him and dr doom just kind of pinpointed it and make sure that it doesn't move even one iota that yeah so it makes much much more sense than time townhouse anyway yeah i just don't know where they're going to go from here um so so yeah that was the uh those breakdown of the trailer and uh when doctor when uh what's his name um robert dyn junior takes off his mask at the comic con

when he did that two years ago or whatever and everyone was crazy he would do this face was crazy like you know he was just like man his his brain was just going gangbusters dude he was just feeling so much adrenaline dude you know he did kind of make marvel uh he was hit a huge hand and making marvel cool though i will tell you that uh but anyway but he's not he's not tony stark because he's uh russian in there i think no anyway The Tupac trial does begin, which is crazy. And... Well, it's...

...Napley, Fathers... NASCAR prayer. Thank you tonight for all your blessings. You said in all things, give thanks. So we want to thank you tonight for these mighty machines that you brought before us. Transformers. Thank you for the Dodgers and the Toyotas. Thank you for the fords.

And most of all, we thank you for Rouse and Yates partnering to give us some... power that we see before tonight. Oh, my. Thank you for GM performance technology and R-O-7 engines. Thank you for Sonoco racing fuel and

good year tires that bring performance and power to the track. You know, dude. Ah! In Jesus name, Bugany, Pugety-Buggin' Hey, Bluggett. Dude.

God. God, up in heaven. Just like this. The guy with the cigarettes in his hand, just the too many cigarettes. Who's that dude? You know the meme of the black guy Where he's got 40 cigarettes in his hand?

Just God doing that when he's saying Bibbidi-booby-booby. That's just crazy. Dude, I do... Dude, I do... I taught my kids Marco Polo in the pool, but I told him,

I, we don't play Marco Polo. We play Tom Broca. So we go, Tom, and my kids go, Broca, and I'm just fucking,

they don't even know who he is, and they think it's fucking hilarious. What do they find out who Tom Broca is? And I'm Tom Brocault. Let's look up some fucking Tom Brocaulte stuff. Dude, how about that name, uh,

Brocault? That's a fucking ill. name the guy should have been the guy should have been more uh no he's probably probably cool he's still alive huh whoa he's 86 or 85 there's a little new news news tom brokaw who is tom brokaw who is currently yeah so he he here i'll play i'll put this i don't have a facebook can i still do it Oh yeah, I think so But where's the Now this sound

Come on Tom Get this out of here Come on Tom Why can't I play the fucking Oh see now I'm getting pissed There we go And get tough frankly About changing that mindset

I know you'll love your doctor I know you think he's a great guy Or she's a great person The fact is unless they've got the skill set They can be a bastard but as they're good it was they're doing, go to them. This fucking stupid song in everything. This is like, what is this?

In Gray's Anatomy? Why do they play that fucking song in the stupid doctor shows, dude? Right here. This song, right here. They play it all, they never don't play it. About something. On the other hand, I do think that the medical community

could do a better job. When they're up to something, you know? Looking through files. Hey, wait a second. Oh, the stupid fucking the guy who created that in cinema, talk about a piece, dude.

Talk about a frinque piece. But yeah, so anyway, Tom Broca, I like how he when he says his owls. He's got that guttural owl. Mark Marin has that too. God. Like, oh, that's so weird. weird, dude. I'm very lucky. Oh, gross, dude. I can't ever be with somebody. I can't ever talk.

I can't talk to this. I think, do women do that? You know what I'm talking about, right? That guttural L. Lucky. Oh, bro, bro, bro, bro. The tongue comes up to the... L, L, L, L. There's no G and L. I have a friend like that. I don't want to talk to him too much. We could text. And this guy's a news. and he does that that's kind of crazy actually when you think about that he's not newscaster anymore but now he's just talks shit about doctors i'm just kind of uh oh dude when i got home last night i want to in and out so bad this is this person's first person's in and out what got you today this is my first time ever in california in general

um i mean i was told to get a double double yeah Doggy style That guy fucking says doggy style Dude I hate you guys I hate you guys I'm sorry these are ones that told me to order That's crazy Both of you are recording

That's crazy Yeah so same thing with the fries too I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life That's so embarrassing What do you want to drink on that? Do you have cum?

Do you have cum? Oh, what? They don't, oh, they fucking got me again, man. I thought you guys had cum soda. What? And is, and, and, a missionary Dr. Pepper. Is what they said. Nice.

I don't like cum soda better, but, that's cool, dude. See, this is the thing that, like, women kind of don't do that. That's the reason why I think it's better to being a guy. The only reason. No, not the only reason. The number one reason about being a guy is that you can do that.

And nobody goes, oh, no, guys. Oh, my God. When you're in, when you're talking shit and you're like, yeah, fucking Frank's a loser. And everyone, all the dudes are laughing. And then one of the guy's girlfriends goes, oh, no, I love Frank. you go, oh, now you made it fucking real. Now I got to help get him a job. Fucking, he's not an actual loser.

I'm just calling him that. Well, David, Rick, there we saw it from Dr. Joseph Owanick, Charlotte, North Carolina. And I know you took a luck at it as well as we did. A very serious injury. Very serious. A moment ago, we had a tendency to start hollering. Just so zooted, it's unbelievable. If Rick Flair has ever been unzuted,

It hasn't been, it wasn't until recently that he's been unzuted. So let's go into the Patreon episode now so we can go into the Patreon episode, sign up for Patreon and listen to the next episode. Because that was the first episode. And then I'm just going to swing right into the next episode. And we're going to watch Rick Flair being super zooted. And so do that right now, patreon.com slash Christa Leah. And listen, here we go.

I'm gonna do. Grab the legs and motherfucking five. You're scared. I'm fucking fucking. This motherfucker.