Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 526. Oh My Cod

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Chris is back from Portugal and he has some thoughts on their airline food. Especially the cod. Plus Daejon Love, GTA6 and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Runk. Hey guys, it's episode 526 of congratulations.

It's what's up? I just got back from Portugal. So I'm international, been international, I'm even more international now. So hop on the train here. I worked out in these clothes and I'm just staying in them. Because it's my podcast, dude. It's my podcast and it's my house. So that's how I'm going to do it.

I got to say, when I would go through my date, I look at my website when I look through where I'm going on tour. And I see, I would always see Portugal and I'd be like, man, what if it's, what if, I can't believe that time is going to happen. And then it's going to be over. And it did, dude. And so that means Springfield, Missouri is next. Phoenix is next after that. And then Tempe, Arizona, Birmingham, Alabama.

Atlanta, Georgia, Buffalo, Buffalo, New York, Buffalo, New York, New York. And then I do my European tour, which is Bali, France, store selling in Oslo, whatever that is. But, you know, I got a bunch of European dates. Go to Chrissley.com. I'm going to be in San Diego the day after Thanksgiving or two days after Thanksgiving. I don't know. But whatever, dude. I'm international. And so that's great.

You know, I actually think about when I went to, when I was in Portugal, I went for the, first of all, I, okay, so I flew over there. I took, it's called, it should just be called Air Portugal, okay? It's called Tap, airline. Tap P is for Portugal. Tap, Portugal, airline. I don't like that, okay? Just tap is weird and it's colorful. So anytime like a company's too colorful, I think it's going to be not good.

Mute it, dude. You know what I'm saying? You can have a little bit of red in air, but then like Delta, you know, or United, even though it sucks, you know, it's not good. And no airlines good. But like continental, they don't exist anymore. But like, that was great. They muted it. Jet blue is all right.

They got that mint, you know, a little bit. But mostly it's just blue. Airlines are just blue. So tap Portugal comes up. you know, you get the foreign ones sometimes. And it's like, what are you gummy worms? Are you an airline or gummy worms, dude? And I don't want to go on gummy worms air, you know?

So, but, and so let me tell you, I did the airport, or tap, tap, tap, whatever, tapy, tapy, and the main thing, look, I sit at business class, okay, great. It was, it's really nice. it lays down. I didn't really sleep much. The flight out there was 11 hours, which is fine. I watched two, three movies and also slept a little bit and also, what do you call it? Did the thing where I read a book.

And that's cool. And then they brought the food out. Okay. Okay. So when you bring the food out, okay. What you got to do is make sure it's edible, all right? Because you don't bring out just for, dude, if you have, hey, and, and, you know, I know first world problems and all that, fine. If you have, if you have cod on the menu, then at least the beef should be good. you understand it's like that age old adage if they got cod at least the beef will be good because you can

fuck cod up i'm a beef so if i choose the beef because i see cod on the menu let's go let's go taste buds let's start dancing but i ate the beef where's the beef i ate the beef i ate the beef i ate the beef and it tastes like tree bark. It was bad, okay? Bad. Not as in not edible. And here's how you know it's bad. The appetizer to, look, what a work first world problem. What a dick. But the appetizer for the meal for beef was chicken. Hey, don't put a whole other meal in front of the meal. That's like, well, we've got to hedge our bets, dude. We got chicken too. and we know the beef tastes like tree bar. What do you want to do?

We're basically gummy worms there. Okay? So they, they, I ate the chicken, which was ho-hum, and then the beef, which was just, I mean, no. Okay. So, so I go, all right, okay. I ate it all because, dude, they're not going to, when I'm in the air and there's barely any food in this tin bus, this metal bus that, in the air that we're taking. and you're going to give me bad food, I'm going to eat it all, dude.

Okay? I'm going to eat it all. I'm not going to be like taking a bite or two and be like, actually, it's terrible. Oh, man. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I eat it all. And let me tell you why. Because that's the food that's there.

And just because it's bad and you fucked up doesn't mean I'm going to not eat it and fuck up, right? Because my body needs food. so oh congratulations you made a bad meal i'm eating it okay so jokes on you tap airline right or tap whatever the fuck tap dude it's like red lime green and and yellow the you know i guess that's the portuguese colors but like make it blue and red anyway um so that was that was that food was was was would was obnoxiously bad, okay? Now, let's skip to the flight home.

First of all, dude, both flights. Both flights. Me. Both flights, in the beginning of the flight. No. I see the fucking stewardess. Hi. Talk about tap.

Tap airlines. That's what I call tap airlines. They tap on. They go, are you sleep? Tap, tap, tap. You go, oh, I. Oh, I. get it.

I get it, bitch. They tap a, dude, the first time I go, what, what? This, on the way home, dude? Oh, I wish I saw my face. I wish I saw my face. I screwballed it so hard because, like, the first one didn't obviously work. So the way back, I, I was sleeping.

I was aware enough, you know when you're asleep and you wake up and you're like, what's going on? I was aware enough when the tap happened because of the first tap, right? The first tap on the way out, maybe caught me off guard. The second tap, even in my sleep, I was prepped. Do you understand? So I was out sleeping. She taps me, boom, boom.

Before I even open my eyes, dude, I go, here it is. son of a bitch she woke me up for something menial so I go like this literally like this like I look like a John Bernthal character

or like De Niro and I go what and she says are you going to want to eat I is the food the same as as it was on the way out

well it doesn't matter because i'm eating it okay so what did your boy do your boy open is the menu first of all um we it's got like it's like origami opening up this menu they got the the they got it in portuguese they got it in english they got it in korean they got it in all sorts of shit it's like yeah that's fine dude just but you're like it's like that that that thing when you were in school where they do the thing where you got number three. And then Dan Cook made that funny joke about it on stand-up. But, and so I go, oh, yeah, the card. Well, I'm not getting a beef again because it's like donkey balls.

So I go, literally, oh, yeah, the card, which is, let me break it down to you. if you're human, which we all are, I mean, other people, other things, species might be hearing this podcast, but they can't make any sense of it, like a dog or a cat, you know, maybe a parrot somewhere. They might be like hearing this, but they can't make sense of it. So what I'm saying is to the human species listening to this, don't, if you've been put in a position to literally think the words, oh, yeah, Yeah, the card. You've been had, dude. Like, you, you've been played. You've been fucking utterly just, I mean, oh yeah, the cod is definitely top 10 things that humans have thought of the least when it comes to sentences. When it comes to sentences, oh yeah, the cod is. is in the top 10 least things humans have ever said.

Okay? And I'm thick at it after she fucking wakes me up on tap. Oh, yeah, the cod. So I look at her and I say, Cod. And she says, what? And I go, there's nothing else on this menu that fucking sounds like Cod? What was it?

Cod, beef, and fucking the vegetarian one. What'd you think I said? Fucking Fusili pasta? Was that mushrooms? Fuseli or is that the fucking mushroom fuseli pasta? What would you have? Fucking, oh, oh, oh, got beef with the appetizer chicken makes no sense. We got Fusili.

We've got mushroom Fusili, cream pasta that's vegan and cod. And I said cod. And you said what? Oh, what? Mushroom fuseli vegan pasta. Oh, she go, oh, no, really? Is that what you said? No?

Oh, so you did hear me. Yes! You got to get these dudes. You got to get them. Don't be played. So I'm on tap airlines, woke in the fuck up. And I know, you know, when someone wakes you up,

you go, I'm not falling asleep for another seven hours, dude. You know why? The anger. You what I'm saying? Right? You know why, right? The anger. And, oh, but because of your heart palpitations, right?

And that's all good. How are you doing? Heart palpitations. Oh, nice to meet you. Let me hop inside you. Okay, cool. So I get, you know, I wait for the cod, dude. And you know what?

I fucking fall asleep. And I fall asleep on purpose. Okay? Because I go, I know they're not. waking me up for the when the food I know this I know deep within humanity it's not allowed in our DNA to wake someone up to eat because that is just when someone wake man if anyone if if anyone ever wakes you up to eat honestly uh you write that person off dude you don't deal with that person that's what the phrase you're dead to me has you know it's just I'm already doing the thing

thing I want. You're waking me up, doing the thing I want, getting what's necessary to find out if I, if I need something else, that's necessary? Well, let me finish the what I'm doing. Let me finish with this necessary bullshit. And then I'll eat your fucking Mark ass food. You know what I'm saying? So I fall asleep and I try and I do it on purpose because I go, if they wake me up,

dude, I'm going, I'm going nuts. Okay. So I'm sleeping. I hear clink clink you know I'm like uh the food's coming out hell yeah but I'm like I'm like a twilight like the kind when you're in uh you're getting your uh your colonoscopy and you're like oh what's I got doing back there and never mind doesn't matter now I don't fuck it and you go oh shit you wake up later and you're like that that was weird I kind of was okay with that I was in the twilight right clank clank clink clink you know this is fucking round ass silverware so nobody fucking hijacks

the airplane with a fucking spork. All right. Fucking, we're going to Iran with a spork. No, we're sporked. Oh, great. We're sporked. So I let the clinkety clankety kind of subside and I go, hell yeah, dude. Looks like they're not waking me up for my cod.

but now I'm like excited. God, I'm such a fucking whack job, dude. Now I'm excited to like wake up. No, I'm not excited to wake up. I'm excited for when I wake up. And that makes me want to wake up early. Do you understand? Fuck.

It is so specific, but it makes sense. All right? Bitches, there's a difference between waking up because you're ready and being excited to wake up so you wake up. now it's different and so and so i wake up i walk i get i go to the bathroom right because you got to pee when you're 46 you just have to pee like do you have to pee yes and so i go to the bathroom i'm in it pissing i mean it took like 45 minutes i'm pissing right and then as i'm pissing and someone walks in, I go, what the fuck?

The latch was broken. So I'm like, all right, I don't care when somebody walks in. When I'm pissing, somebody walks in, that's on you, dude. So then I flush, I walk out, the dude says, Chris Delia? It's a guy waiting for it. I go, yeah. And he says, it's cool to meet you. I said, oh, thank you, dude.

I'm on, I'm on my, I'm on my Cod mission, dude. Thank you, but I'm on my mission of Cod. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar. raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca. Caught of duty. And so I'm playing caught of duty, dude.

Thanks, but what have I said that to him? Thanks, but I'm playing Cod of Duty. Okay. So I, I mean, it can't all be winners, but Cod of Duty is fucking absolutely the peak of this podcast. So I go back, so I say to the one of the stewardess, by the way, TAP Airlines has one of the, you know when like, they're like stewards and stewardesses,

I don't know if there's like a right way to call them or what, but like, okay, here are. everybody that's okay to be a steward or stewardess. Look, it's okay for anybody to be a steward or stewardess, but this is always off-putting to me, okay? These are the people who are okay to be stewards and stewardesses, okay? First of all, any woman, okay? Any woman, any older woman, any younger woman, any fat woman,

any fit woman, ugly, very hot woman, any woman, short, tall, any woman, okay? That's, that's, those are never off-putting. You go, oh, yeah, oh, hello, woman, oh, yes, oh, hi, yes, do you mind if, this isn't weird at all because you're supposed to do it. Okay, cool. Gay man, any, any gay man. portly tall twink, twink kind of, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, any, any of any, any, any, any, gay, you guy comes up, hi, I'll be taking care of you. Oh, yeah, of course you will be. I didn't get the woman. I got the, the twink and that's fine, but I got, I get it, right? Look, for me, is it off putting to have a twink as a steward or stewardess? No. It's all putting to have a twink in my bedroom, okay? But when you're, but when you're, you're 30,000 feet in the air.

That's how it goes. You don't look at it and go, why the fuck is this guy doing all swishy up here? Why is this guy swishing up so high in these clouds? Right? And don't even get me started on why that's a job for gay men. I don't get it. Why gay men like to be higher up, dude.

You know? So, okay. Here's another thing that's okay. to be a steward or stewardess. Young, you know, 30-somethings fit guy that's probably not gay, right? You know, and the only reason why you think he's gay, he's like, because he's a steward, but he's not, he's not.

You know, here's another one. Short, black, portly guy. Stewart, you get it, you know, you're like, oh, okay, yeah, that's not off-putting. Here, here they had, this is what, what's off-putting for tap tap portugal is so fucking screwy dude all right so uh they had 55 to 60 age range regular man with glasses that to me is portly one portly one and one really thin one that to me is wild dude that's wild to me you're telling me david david you're telling me david

straight therein in good luck in tonight good luck and good night is going to be my fucking steward where's the wispy black guy right where's the any woman it's real weird when just some guy that looks like he would be a doctor dude is just like peanuts i check my pulse pretzels that bullshit uh uh uh would you like something to drink. Here, check him, see if I've hernius. Oh, sorry. I have no idea why you're fucking not a doctor. Anyway, where's the wispy black guy? So, with, yeah, with reds. So, here, boom. Hey, I'm going to need a wispy, uh, black guy with dreads for my, uh, to be a steward because you're, you miss your calling as a doctor. Or any woman. Yeah.

So, uh, I'm any woman. It's okay for me to be. a stewardess. I'm every woman. It's okay for me to steward. It's okay me to be a stew. I just fucked it up again, dude. It's because it doesn't. No, it does.

I'm, I'm every woman. It's okay to be a stewardess. Yeah. Dude. Peanut, pretzels. Coke. Zero. Coke.

Coke. I'm every one. What is it? I'm a, What is it like I didn't make it up? I'm any woman. I can be a stewardess. Get your feet off the wall in the bulkhead.

Roo, Roo. You do. Yeah, well, yeah, you sit in the front, but you're too tall. Roo, brew, ro. You got to sit like Professor X. Roo, brew. I'm every woman.

You can't put your bag there. Why the fuck can you? Roo. Oh shit. What the fuck's a bag do? What's it going to ping pong all over the fucking cabin? You ever see a backpack flying all over the place on a plate? No.

And if you had, it's going to be the last thing you see anyway. Roo, Roo. I'm a wispy black guy with dreads. Roo, roo. I am a poorly heterosexual black guy with all of the kids. Mad, potter ball this. Roo, Roo.

I'm definitely not. It's 55 to 60-year-old white guy with glasses. Roo. Roo. So I'm on my card mission. Oh, my God. And I go, and I go,

and I go. Hey, to one of the fucking Stewart. There's too many, too. It's like, I know this is a transatlantic flight, but, you know.

And I say, I have a can I have my dinner please if that's okay and the lady's eating she's eating like you know how they eat in their little what are the what they're called the jump seats a little bitch eating in a jump seat dude it's like you dude you're such a you're I mean I'll tell you what if I ever am a steward if ever was a flight attendant flight attendant flight attendant um and I do my and I and I have to eat and I'm not eating that fucking jump seat dude that's bitch shit to be cutting little tomatoes like this. yeah sure i'll bring it it's one thing to serve someone that's great it's a noble profession to be a

server but then to have to sit down and do shit like that what are you fucking praying mantis that's bit shit no not both one or the other so i row row and so um so i go all right cod mission let's go and so i so she's eaten but i say uh can i have my dinner and by the way no rush. Whenever you're through eating, I don't want to, and then the 50s, eight-year-old doctor flight attendant comes up and it's like, I'll do it. I'm like, are you even, are you, are you, are you a passenger? I got so confused. So I go, go sit down, all right? I'm, I'm on my thing. I'm watching the second half of the movie, the amateur. Bad, okay? Saw the first half on the way out. landed, saw the second half on the way back, Pat.

I love Romney Malik. I love him. I love him. I think he's great actor. Nice guy. Met him once at the coffee bean. John Berndhal's in two scenes. It's hilarious when John Berthel's in two scenes in a movie, dude. It's just like, you see him in one scene, and then you go,

he's going to be in another goddamn scene, isn't he? You know what I'm saying? You go, he's going to be in another goddamn scene that's kind of long during the back half of the movie. And that's the only other scene he's going to be in, isn't it? Right? I mean, John Bernthal is the most going to be in two scenes in a movie guy, where the one first scene is going to be short,

and the second scene is going to be a longer scene in the back half of the movie, dude. I've never seen an actor more like that, except for, again, in the back half of the movie for about, 15 minutes. It's unbelievable, dude. It's unbelievable. And I know he played the Punisher and all that shit. When he's the lead, he's the lead. But when he's not the lead, they go, two scenes. Who do you got? John Burntall? Oh, but the character has four scenes. Take two out. And action. And he's like, Hey, Hurrah. Just with a great hair. The guy's got great fucking hair. And he's got great hair. And he's got great hair. And then you see his hair in a movie and you go, fuck, man. Really? What is he a fucking

Chia pet, dude? What, did somebody just rub that shit on him when he's, and he sat near a window still for fucking nine weeks while somebody watered him day and night? It's unbelievable John Berthor's hail in the amateur. In the movie The Amateur with Rami Molle, it's unbelievable. John Berthos' hair is, is, he looks like a fucking cauliflower. His hair is so beautiful, but, you know, not white like that, but, you know, and we love John Burnto, but.

But, but, you know, anyway, I'm sitting, I'm waiting for my, I'm waiting for my, for my fish, you know, because I go fish, because the beef was terrible. You got caught on the menu. It's going to be fucking night. It's got to be, something's got to be nice. And I, you know, so they go, I don't, I don't eat. I don't see it first. I smell it first.

Okay. All of a sudden, I smell. You know what I smell? And I don't want to be gross. I don't want to be gross. but you want to experience it? You want to experience what I experienced? Now, you can't experience what I'm experienced

because it's a story and you're not there, but I was. But do you want to get to the depths or the heights of how it might feel? Bad pussy is what it's, you know, and I don't, and I don't want to be gross, but that's what I smell. And I go, what's the interference? You hear that? And I go, who's who's, who's backing up, you know? So anyway, I'm like, who's backing up?

Because it smells like bad. I'll do the radio edit. Is it hub? That's better. It smells like bad. He's up? That's the radio edit. You know what I'm talking about, though?

Because if I don't mean to be, I shouldn't even have said it, it smelled like that. But it, dude, we all know that what that smell is and we all know what fish smell is. So it's not funny, though, and it's hacky and I shouldn't have done it. But I want you to feel the depths and the heights. of this story, okay? So I smell it. And I go,

I go, here, here, here comes my food. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, here comes my food.

They put my fish down. And the smell is inside me, right? It's all of a sudden, inside me. Right? And I go, oh, God, I better, when food smells kind of bad, okay?

There's two things you can do, okay? One, very obvious, not eat it, okay? But there's a second one. And I already told you, they're not playing me like they did the first time out. I'm eating the fucking meal, okay? The second one is get that first bite in as quick as possible. So you get the taste of it, and then you acclimate to the experience of,

you know, the experience of the munch or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Experience of the munch. What the fuck would that be? John Bernthal, in experience of the munch, two scenes. Are you munching? And so I get,

I go, all right, well, let's do this. It's so creamy, which is fucking disgusting, dude. Okay? I take my first bite, because I go, it's probably fine. I take my first bite, and I go, oh my God. No, tires. Tires in my mouth. rubber

erasers oh my cod right the food was so bad I actually almost heaved and I go

no no no no no no this is going down because they're not playing me like that so I chewed it chewed it kept wafted inside my nose chewed it and I go

I'll swallow it. I literally swallowed it. I made the same face as the lady that woke me up. I go, and I go, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, you know what, they, they came through. They, they, they fucked me up. They went. I can't eat this one.

And so I didn't. And the flight was 13 hours. Dude. Oh my God. Then I said, if you are, I'm like, all right, look, that food, that bite of, that, that cod took me out. You know, like when you're like really hungry, you eat a little bit of bad food, you go, hey, I'm actually good for four hours. That's all the nutrients I needed. And I'm just not doing much. I'm sitting watching that fucking end of the amateur. And so, uh, four hours later,

I walk up, I like, got any snacks? And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, right here. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, Join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced delimed meat products for always 375.

And get life brand pure vita shampoo or condition. for $8 each at Real Canadian Superstore. When you're ready, we're ready with a whole world and more. And they pointed over to, you know what? I don't know what it was. They were sandwiches, I guess, I think, maybe. And so I just, I landed and fucking motherfuck I was so hungry.

But tap airline, if, my whole point is, you got to have good food. Good, you know, good. You got to have somewhat ed. No, somewhat good, I'll say. Food. You have to have somewhat good options of food on an airplane. Not just for business class. You got to. I know it's public transportation, but dude, come on.

At least like get, honestly, get lunchables. At least this shit tastes okay. I mean, I'm not a fan of it, but you know, it's like, for the masses, dude, fuck you with your cod. Fuck you with your beef. Oh, really, dude. Potato's all grottin. Get the fuck out of here.

You can't even do beef? So anyway. But Portugal was great. The only guy that could go to Portugal for four days and come back and only talk about the flight is me. You know, yeah, the cities were nice. I mean, there were so much up and down walking and shit and cobblestones. You know, I got a lime scooters and none of them use it. None of, no, no, they don't, they don't use it.

And then I, the city is very walkable, but everyone's walking. And you slowly notice there's no obese people. There's just none in Portugal. There's fat-ish people, but very few and not obese people. There are zero, right? Okay. So you go, wow, man, that's crazy. They don't have any obese people.

And the fucking Lyme scooters, and they call it Bolt over there instead of Uber, but they got the, the, the, bolt is the Uber. and then also they have the the scooters and bicycles that you can do and pay for and I got on one of those and I just kind of drove it around, rode it around let me tell you man

that is not why that's what keeps people not fat is that you cannot use those fucking scooters and bikes on the cobblestones without rupturing your L2 okay it was and then one time

there you go up never one Oh, well. So yeah, but so because of that, they tricked everyone in Portugal to be thin, which is great, you know? They had good coffee. The show was excellent. I mean, I'm not saying I was excellent.

I mean, I did good, I think, but like I'm saying, the crowd was excellent is what I mean. Shout out to Henrique, who put the show on over there. And the festival, the mock Wharton festival, dude. When I came back on

almost missed my flight because it was so, they were like a fucking idiot. I hit chat, GPD, they go, my flight was at nine or something, 905, they go, get there at six. I'm like, chat, GPT, what are you? My father? Get there at six?

No. So I say, I'm going to get picked up at 645. I'll get there at 7.05. I'll have two hours. So I went through security, which was fine. then I ate. I don't, you know, by the way,

different countries have different, what do you call it? Customs. Like, when I go to Montreal, is there even customs? Sometimes I'm just like, oh yeah, yeah, hey, oh, were you coming here? Oh, yeah, fuck it, go.

You go, you want to see my passport? And they go, oh, no, we got it on the, somebody's, somebody's looking. They trust you. they're looking at you. So I go, okay. But like, so I did the security. I go, oh, I guess we hit customs when we come back, right?

And so I get four eggs and toast. And I get the thing on my thing that we're boarding. And I go, oh, cool. So I go over to the flight and I notice that I have to go through customs before I get on my plane. And the line is longer than the line in Russia for bread in 1910. dude it is the longest line and i go i almost start i almost start crying but i don't i'm a man right but i do have that okay well i could you know would have missed that cot i'd i tell you that

you know there's a silver lining for everything but i go fuck i'm gonna have to take different flights i'm because i got a straight shot from from uh portugal to lax oh i fuck myself i fuck myself because of four eggs and now i'm gonna have to go to storzelin and then fucking make a connection in Brussels and then back to New York and then I have to hit Chicago. And it's going to take fucking nine days before I get home. How many pieces of card are going to? So I'm like, all right. Let's just do it.

So there's a guy in line. And I goes, Chris Delea. And I go, yeah, he's like, uh, uh, maybe 20 people ahead of me. And I'm talking about there were, how many people were in line, 150? I mean, Fucked city And he goes Chris Leargo

Yeah he said oh man You're an inspiration I go oh really And he says yeah I said thank you so much He says you're one of the reasons Why I started comedy And I thought I'm fucking sorry

Everyone wants to see his fucking reels With crowdwork reels You know No but shout out to the dude He was real nice And good luck to you And you could be a great Who knows who fucking knows right

So he goes yeah And we're doing the thing Where we're crossing like this Every you know When you see somebody and you keep, and then you see him again when you cross back and you're doing this with the airport. You're like, this is so fucking annoying.

Like there's, this is like a glitch in the matrix, you know? Oh, that's that cat again. And so I see the dude and I keep seeing him. And I keep looking at my watch. He's like, when's your flight? And he says 11, 15. And it's fucking like 8.30.

And I'm like, Jesus. He's like, yeah, I know. He said, when's yours? I said, he said, you on the same flight? I go, no, mine's it in half an hour. He goes, you fucked. I was like, I don't. That's the worst bedside.

manner to don't do don't say that but he was like just go out cut cut in the line and i was like what because i don't like to do that i do not do that but i will say i have let people cut in front of me because dude people are late shit happens and you know if they're like do you mind i go yeah fucking of course dude if you got your flight i don't want you to miss your flight right um so he's like i said bro can i just come in front of you and he goes yeah so I got in front of him and that helped and then he goes dude keep cutting you're good trust me I see people do it all the time and I'm like what do you mean all the time you're always in the fucking Portugal air guys from Philly well how often are you in the fucking Lisbon airport

he's like yeah I see it trust me nobody says shit I go really he goes yeah here I got you and he opens up the thing he goes go and I'm like Jesus man he's fucking manhandling me all right and I go and I skip another 20 people and nobody sees and I go okay I skipped like 40 people i think and i'll tell you what that's probably the reason why i got on the plane so shout out to that dude from philly got on the plane fucking four eggs deep thank god i got on four eggs deep and and and one sourdough deep otherwise i've been wolfen and vomited in that cod um yeah so a rare a rare a rare no-shit round trip on the on the airline on the flights and that was fucking 26 hours total of flying 13-hour flight dude

on the way back. Anyway. Oh, how about the dude, the fucking Philadelphia, the, the, the, the San Francisco 49ers guy, the liar guy. Did you hear about this? We got to talk about that. You know what? I actually, speaking about them, I got to go to the bathroom and I'll come back and then we'll kind of go to the bathroom. Had to go to the bathroom and change computers because of my last computer.

Ah, who should have done that already, but didn't have to until I started. anyway change computers don't know if you notice but it doesn't matter now you know had to go to the bathroom and did all that anyway

so I'm going to be looking at this Dejean Love stuff yet that computer dies if I don't turn it charge it immediately so frauded women Dejean Love

he's allegedly frauded women out of $1.6 million pretending to be an NFL player or re-impressed or should he be punished for this? Well, he's got to be punished, but you can also be impressed. Well, yeah, it's impressive to kill 30 people in a row. It's still illegal and you got to go. But I will say, you know, Ted Bundy was impressive.

He was shitty. He deserved to be, you know, what's his name? Not Ted Bundy, but yeah, Ted Bundy, but also. who's the other one? Jeffrey Dahmer, I mean, that's impressive. He ate people's heads for real. Not good, right? You can't say somebody's impressive, though,

if they're, like, kind of bad. If they've got to stink on them in history, you know? Like, you cannot say, I mean, you can't say, you know the guy who, the German guy who did everything really badly in the 40s. You cannot say, he's impressive.

You can't. You know, it was very, very bad and wrong. Don't say it's impressive, right? Even though, you know,

work ethic and hard and like he rose to the ranks, but whatever. It's like, my point is, what Dejan love? Is that what it is? Did was impressive.

It was shitty. But also, you know, the minds are weird things, but how do you, how, what this dude was, saying to there are videos of what this guy's saying he's like i'm a share he said i'm a shareholder

in the manhattan Gucci store that's not something and then he also said um uh oh dude the patterns he was running on the beach was just fantastic always with the redskins or i'm sorry the 49ers helmet dude my buddy did a skit not my buddy but this dude i know did a skit. It's so funny where he has, he's driving in the car doing a video and he's pretending to use him and he's doing a, and he's got the 49ers helmet on in the car.

But man, it's funny. But this guy, work ethic, impressive, illegal, right? So, you know, God, how do you swindle people out of money like that? I'm a shareholder of the, of the, oh, that's what he said, of the Gucci store. That's what he said on Sacks Fifth Avenue. That's what he said. That's what he said. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer.

That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it.

I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. I'm a shareholder of, I own some of the Gucci store,

Manhattan shareholder or Gucci store on Sacks Fifth Avenue. Mixing up brands. Not a street. Dude, unbelievable. That is where you go, okay, well, he's worth one. Give him $1.3 million. If he got, if he got you with the Sacks Fifth Avenue Gucci line, your money's gone.

Toast. Just donate it. You're done. You don't deserve that money. I know I'm being harsh, but, man, it's such an insane, it's such an insane story. Very obviously didn't play for the 49ers, too. Very obviously didn't play that much football. But dude, the guy fucking...

So nice. You know it ain't my Fripped down That's hilarious This guy couldn't He looks like a white guy But black That's interesting

The way that this guy's doing A sitcom humor in real life Just on the fly It's funny as shit The face changes and shit I hate that all that Happy Happy birthday It's your fucking birthday

You shoot a fucking birthday And now you're it's your birthday Just sing the fucking regular song or how about the person who goes cha cha cha cha i'll fuck him up happy birthday to you and then so with cha cha cha dude there was a girl who did that every time in fucking high school when it was somebody's birthday in drama class and i i it's not healthy for like a 16 year old me me a 16 year old to feel that much anger from that chill baby chill baby chris um oh first day of school at ron clark academy in atlanta this dude this newscaster is getting it

oh oh oh my god dude this white dude's hilarious who was that guy though he's a principal look just a little tom broke out he got a little flavor in him though huh oh oh i mean it's a little fucked up they're dancing to this but it's cute though oh well no no there's just the instrumental never mind Um, that is that, that, that dude, what was that fucking Tom Broca? I was killing it. Oh. Come on, bro.

That is so dope. That's great, dude. It's great when everyone gets along. You know what I mean? Um, first day of school, dude. Uh, I, I, when, when, oh, dude, I, so I guess it's just, you know, Billy's starting school, is, you know, he's doing that fucking thing where they don't really do school, but they, like, go to a place and they play with monster trucks for a little bit for like two hours for two days a week or three days a

week, whatever that thing is, not preschool, but before that. What is it? And so he's doing that and he's excited for it. It's his first day tomorrow, but of course, he's got a little runny nose. And they were like, if they've got a runny nose, keep him home. So I don't even know if he's going to go in his first day but um it's uh it is what it is and and that's a that's a beautiful thing i can't believe how old the kids are getting man it's so weird so weird our life just keeps going um and we love it i um i'm i'm doing my uh my peptides i think they're really working dude like to get rid of some belly fat trimming out just from that new era stuff n e w a just it's called era but n-e-w-a-i-r-r-a-r-a-r-a-a-a-a-a-a-co is the website if you're going to try

peptides i know they're all the raid but try them through them it's legit and then use the code chris 50 and you get like uh fit i don't know like something off fitting me i was so young uh and um anyway uh is what it is but but do that if you're going to do it I think peptides are good. I know they're in the gray market. But, you know, it's hilarious that people will be like, I would never take the vaccine. And then they'd be, but they like do steroids.

You know. And I'm not, I'm not, look, I wish I didn't take the vaccine, but I did. I took it once. Or I did the two one, whatever the two one was. But yeah. Let's see. Derseravit scale.

This guy. Oh. Balancing. Balancing on the... Oh, he fucked himself up. Don't do that. Dude, these stupid things that people do with the fucking gym, it's so annoying.

Everyone's... Fuck, everything's content, dude. You know? I still sometimes can't believe the shit that people put on the internet. Why is this on the internet? This guy fucked up. And he's just like, okay, got to post it, get the views.

Why? What do the views do? You broke your fucking pelvis or whatever. Testing a homemade self-driving car. Unbelievable. He's going right into that truck. He hit the police. You got to be fucking kidding me, dude.

What is he saying? Who's honking? It just honks for no reason? Oh my God, Kame. You hear that? Oh, that is the most mind-bending orgasm that that guy had right there.

Binday, bidea, boulde. Oh. That sucks. Guys, getting fucking cooked. Congratulations. You're getting fucked in prison now. What if that's what it took? just that trying to look badass oh fuck dude what's better than a guy trying to look badass and then

fucks up you know do you think like that main character shit or the man on fire shit bro the fucking twisted beard goatee where they put the hair ties on it what what the fuck are you doing you know what do you doing? Do you have that beard or not? Just have it or cut it? That is just such corn bullshit. This shit. Boked is eye. I've done that so many times, dude. Once I saw glasses ad where these people were like, they were selling the glasses and they go like this and he goes to put it on and it does a close up and they didn't, they used this take, but the guy kind of hit his eye and fucking still they still use a take it.

And every time the commercial came on, when I was in the house, because I was staying with people, because it was a local commercial, I go, dude, watch this. And they go, no way. And I go, yupp. And then they didn't.

They go, ah, you fucking flinched a little bit. That's the kind of fucking good times I have, dude. And I'm not sorry about it. I'm loving it. Just try to, don't try to be badass, you know? Or, I mean, I don't know. Sometimes, you know, look, I'm going to say you fall victim

to it. You know, you push a lot of weight at the gym. You walk around badass. Whatever the fuck, you know, and you shouldn't be doing that. There's always somebody bigger than you more badass, cooler than you, you know. And sometimes your hair's too poofy or whatever. And it's like, dude, you're not that guy. Uh, but, you know, is what it is. And that's that. And I guess we could, you know, call it, call it the episode. Uh, I appreciate you. I'm going to be a, and Ben Salem, I'm going to be in, you know, what do you call it? Atlanta, just a bunch of different places.

I've got my European tour. Got to be on those long flights again. No tap Portugal. I'll tell you that much. So go to chrystalia.com and check it out. Appreciate you guys. Thank you. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer.

That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca.