Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 527. Out of The Further

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

Get a shoutout on Congratulations: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠holler.baby/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎤 The 'B-SIDE' Special is on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WATCH⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. Chris is back from Springfield MO and he had some delicious smashburgers. He also saw the new Insidious movie. Plus the Clancy trial, JD Vance and the end times, and more! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🕺 TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎮 Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitch.tv/chrisdelialive⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 𝕏 X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/chrisdelia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👤 Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some? The future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion-dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money.

Learn more at Bloomberg.com. Spotify advertising connects you with an audience that's engaged and ready to discover your brand. Launch a campaign with Spotify Ads Manager. Runk. It's episode 527 of congratulations. Yay, it's episode 527, dude. And we're, we're, we're, it's September already, man. Which is nuts.

It's nuts, dude. September. End of times, J.D. Vance said it himself. We will not know until it's too late. And that's okay, because what the heck are we going to do? Yay, I'm a nightless, yay! Going to be in Phoenix this weekend. Tempe also I'm going to do stand-up live, and then I'm going to do the Tempe

Improv. Then I'm going to do Birmingham, Alabama, then I'm going to do Atlanta and Buffalo, and then I'm off to Europe. So go to chrisley.com, get those tickets. You know, it's interesting. I didn't know that I was going to be in Atlanta. I forgot until just right now. Yeah, dude.

You know, I ran into, I got back. Well, no, yeah, I got back today from Missouri, from Springfield, Missouri. Yeah. And I was at the Dallas airport connecting because Dallas Airport connects through everything. It's so annoying. Dude, when I have to connect in the Dallas airport, I go, damn it. There's a few. I mean, I guess it's better to connect than Dallas Airport.

it is to connect to like Chicago or like Atlanta. Denver's okay though, but you know, there's different hubs. I am going. So I'm in the Dallas airport. I'm at gate 37 because that's what it said on my app to connect to LAX. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I do 100 squats in the airport.

I wanted to know how hard it was and I did it pretty easily and I'm not bragging, I'm saying that's, it's, I thought it was going to be harder I've never done 100 squats. Had a nice tempo to it, did it. Nobody bothered me while I was doing it. I probably looked like an asshole

but I don't really care when it comes down to it because I think we probably live in a simulation. So squats at the airport are pretty much okay if you're just an avatar which I probably am Or if I'm not an avatar, then everyone else is, you know? Well, I don't know.

I just the more things that happen, the more I think that reality is probably way different than we think it is, yes. So I'm waiting at Gate 37 and I hear Delia. And I go, what? And I look, and it's Felipe Esparsa. The dude is just great. he's a comedian if you know who he is you know i'm you probably know who he is if you don't check him out he's really funny um i hadn't seen him in years but he's like what are he doing man did you have gigs

in dallas i said no i'm just connecting to springfield he said oh he said um my gate's over here 36 i was like oh where you going he said L.A i was like oh i'm going to L.A. here on 37 he's like oh yeah mine's over here and then i sat there you know we talked we caught up a little bit nice guy I love to see him and then and then I go and then I say all right dude well I'll catch you later and he goes to gate 37 and I'm sitting at gate 36 and like nobody's there for a long time and then I'm sorry I'm sitting at gate 37 I'm nobody's there for a long time and then I'm like what am I well hold on a second I look and it's boarding group already group six at gate 36 that's the gate I'm supposed to be at they switched it one gate over from the app when I it's

it's like don't if they think they're going to switch it don't don't don't put it down yet because i almost miss my flight dude could you could you imagine if i miss my if i ever miss a connecting flight and it's my fault i'm just going to live where i where i am there i'm just going to live dude and i'm going to forget everything that i've ever done and start anew like dude i people are like what would you do if you didn't do stand-up I don't know. I'll figure it out if I ever miss a, if I ever miss a connection and it's my fault.

What? Who's that? Is that Chris Leia? No, his name's Ralph. Ralph? Yeah. I swear it's Chris DeLea, but it's like fucking madman. He just kind of has been in Chicago ever since he,

I met him at the airport and, and Denver, Denver, Dallas, one of these stupid fucking airports, and he just became a new person. just works at J. Crew. This is kind of what he does. You never really had real aspirations. God, how amazing would that be?

I don't even know. Like, at this point, it's like, you know, I got my life on all cylinders here. I'm firing on all these cylinders here. You know, I got the podcast. I got two other podcasts. I got my stand-up career. Do you for projects I'm starting you don't know about.

And like, that's great and all. But I was in Springfield, Missouri this weekend. And it is, at least for this week, it was hell on earth. You know, Springfield, Missouri, Missouri in general, sup. I, first time I went to Springfield, Missouri, Missouri, I don't know what the weekend was, but it was so lit. Okay. So I say,

and I don't do this kind of humor a lot, but I go, Hidden gem much. I go, Hidden gem much? I go, I say, what is Hidden Gem for 300, Alex? You know? I do all those great jokes that people did in 2002. and and and and i i say we got to i guess we're adding springfield missouri to every single

frankin tour we're doing it been there three times since then god awful i'm talking about stark difference so i don't know what's going on maybe i went at the wrong times it's so hot that it's not cool it it's just not cool man you know it's not the heat that i'm not the heat that i mind because I'm going to be in Phoenix and it's going to be hot. I don't mind the heat. I mind the humidity, dude. The humidity sucks. Know why? I'm not in water. I don't want to be in water. I'm not in water. So I don't want to be in water. I don't want to be wet. I'm in air. So come on air, be air. Don't be a pool. Don't be a swamp. And, you know, I'll tell you what Springfield does have that killer besides a price of living, small, you know, you buy a house. Well, everything's expensive now.

Everything's fucking too expensive, dude. What are we going to do? I got to work every weekend. You know? Um, but my point is that I, um, that I, was the coffee is great and let me take us a little bit something about i don't know what it is about these like cities that like concentrate themselves into kind of liberal territory and then feel like they have to prove it that that's the thing that i i never you know if you're liberal if you're conservative, just stop proving it to me, you know? Just, you're, yeah, just drink coffee there. And don't, don't be all having me know what char, you know?

Because you step right outside of Springfield and they go, you know, we got to keep you back in there, you blue hair. But the, uh, just a wild coffee shops are just, full of when you do the road coffee shops in cities are just full of trans people working there. I don't really understand it. They'll make a heck

of a cup of fucking coffee, dude. They may be unsure about what they are, but I'll tell you something that they are sure of a real good, my good cup of coffee. You know, I talk about gender fluid. The fluid in the cup is good. Ah.

I don't know. don't know, but there's so many, so many, so many, so many, so many. So we had a good time, you know, I was out there. The club was nice. The crowds were I couldn't, you know what I felt, dude, for the first time in a long, long, long time. I felt burnt, dude, you know, part of it was my eating part of it was my just i you know i i was trying new stuff it wasn't really working you know as much as much as i wanted it to and i was just burnt dude and i when i'm burnt i'm walking around i'm i'm like you know i worked out and it was good and i've never been more i i i've never had people ask for more pictures of me when i walk by

than in Springfield, Missouri, though. I don't know what the deal is, but I'll never move there. So enjoy it while at last, but thank you guys. I'm home now, and I didn't eat good. It's too hard. You know, you walk around, it's like, because I was in Europe or I was in Portugal two weeks ago, and there were just nobody was fat. And then you go to, like, the Midwest and just a lot of fat.

people, you know. And it's the food, right? But it's also our habits and sure, whatever. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I saw the new insidious movie in the theater. And guess what he did? A double fetech. Yeah. I did, dude. At a Sunday, I did a double fetech. Okay? You want to know what I saw? I saw Insidious and I saw this movie called Onslaught. Now, this movie called Onslaught was fine to see on Sunday. It was cool. The lead is cool. That chick is hot and good at acting.

The way it was directed was nice and scary. I enjoyed it. It had problems, but every movie kind of does. But I don't care. I'm in Springfield, Missouri, before my show, before my half-full show on a Sunday. and I'm fine with sitting and watching on what I say it was called onslaught. Onslaught.

Was that what it was called? I don't know. Did you look it up? Yeah, it's on slot. So then I saw the insidious in the theater, the new one that came out now. That's the fourth one, right? No. It's called The Outer of the Further Out, even further than that.

Insidious. so far. The further out of the further now. Now out further. What is it? Out of the further. So dumb, dude. Out of the further.

Here's the thing about insidious. I don't like it. Okay? I never liked it. And is it the conjuring? I don't know the difference. I know they're different. I don't know the difference.

You could put a poster of the conjuring in front of my face and say, what is this? And I'll say insidious. Do they both have that guy in it? Do they both have that Vera Vermega woman in it? Maybe. Also, what's Annabelle? Because people will be like, Annabelle's the best insidious. movie. And I'm just like, what? What the fuck is an insidious movie is basically what I'm asking?

Because there's too many, first of all, there's too many insidious movies. And second of all, there's too many insidious movies that aren't insidious movies. Okay? When you're going to build universes and you're going to do all that shit and you want to do it with Marvel and you want to do it with DC and you tried to do it with the fucking monsters of Hollywood until that Tom Cruise movie came out and it was dog shit central. Okay. I'll let it slide. But if you're just going to like fucking willy-nilly make up some piss poor shit about a different astral plane that other demons can travel to and then also involve a real-life dog. that somebody in the 70s said was possessed by some six-year-old

that got hit by a car that there's no proof of. You're going to try and shoehorn that into the insidious universe and then call it an insidious movie? I'm out! Dude, when I watched those fucking who are those, you know, because I saw it with Sam, my guy, and he was just like, well, who are the people that it's about,

the fucking the real people the warrants and when i fucking dude when they did it's such a cash grab for these fucking people man i if i i was on a plane i'm sitting there in a plane i'm looking at a video of what the warrants are you know just like old footage and i go okay if there's if there's if there's if there's someone i if there are people i hate it's this kind of people dude because you You fucking bitch. That's not real. Dude, when you hear whatever the fucking guy Warren is saying, and that's when that doll stood right up.

And then adds a fucking addendum or disclaimer, he's like, well, yeah, you know, those doll feet, they don't, they're fabric. So you can't, you can't stand above if you try. But across the room, that doll was stood up. And somebody's fucking interviewing them. and it's 1978 or whatever the fuck, where the hell was Reddit back then? Where the fuck was, uh, you know?

Do you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siyaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. apparently that's how I roll

so bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC gem pre-loose change or whatever the hell that 9-11 documentary movie was you could just and people will believe it I guess and now you got Matt Rife like dude revamped it Matt's a smart person okay Annabelle's fake it's a raggedy and all

that some mom gave a 20 or her daughter who was 27 at the time and said this is a this is from my childhood enjoy it and then this lady is just like well that's fucking crazy i got to call the warrants because she's possessed and everything and the warrants come by and they're like yeah let me bring it to a psychic they're brought to a psychic i guess and then said that they said that there's a six-year-old that didn't name to anabel like by a car that's what the warren said it was never documented and do and now They just, there's, now not only do they have Annabelle as part of the insidious movie franchise, they have three Annabelle movies. And it's just like, you bitch, I can't deal with it.

These fucking lames, dude, just being interviewed, a husband and wife, just wearing all brown, you know, some flowy dress to fucking. You know, I cannot stand people. And I'm not knocking. I am not knocking. Like, look, if you, like I said in the beginning of the episode, reality can't, it's way different than we think. I'm not saying there's no afterlife. I'm not saying there's no ghosts.

I'm not saying there's not paranormal shit out there. But when you look into, when you look at. a guy like whatever Warren, his name was, talking about, and then his wife with the crazy hair, talking about what to talk about, about the raggedy and doll, and the lore that they created, and you literally think that that that's real, that's the shit I can't, that's a shit I don't like. And about that's a shit I don't like. And I'm just so tired of the fucking, you know, Zach Bo Baggins or whatever the fuck his name is out there trying to fucking Hello

With cargo fucking pants Making up fucking Yo, you see that? No! Look here on the TV. Something glitched. It's faulty. I just, and I know people who are ghosts who look for ghosts and power to you.

You know, you want to go into what? fucking haunted jail cell and stay the night and see if it's scary. Yeah. Okay. That's something, I think. Because it's, even if there are no, even if there's zero ghosts, it's still scary. It's still spooky. You know why?

Might get stabbed by an old guy. Okay. So, you know, to each their own. But when you're trying to make money off the shit, that really pisses me off with the fucking, you know, the guy, he's like, the dude that died in 2001 that used to have the raggedy and all, he would take it on tours and he would handle it with gloves like a fucking bitch ass. Well, I don't want to get possessed.

Dude, I do. Put me in there. What's up? Me to Annabel. What? What's going on? Sleeping like a fucking baby. He's still scared, though, because it's just so conditioned.

Anyway, dude. I can't be doing all that. I can't be, I can't be. Maybe worst kind of person. Besides, you know what the worst kind of person is? Not that. Ah! Worse kind of person.

I'm sorry, I'm a loser's the ghosts. Worst kind of person is guy who talks shit about you to sleep with your girl. and I've thought that since 2016 and you can't change my mind, even 2015. That, I, I, not even talk shit. Guy that says, it's a very specific kind of thing. Guy that says, your boyfriend is a bad dude. That guy, dude. That guy.

because one time, dude, somebody who was, you know, a celebrity, and he'll remain nameless. Actually, no, not just one time, like three different times with three different women who were my girlfriends. Not like I wasn't just, you know, they come up through, you know, this guy, yada, yada. I'm not going to say what it is. Let's just say it's not him, but let's say Kenneth Brana because it would be funny, you know. Did you see that fucking trailer of the Kenneth Brana movie where he's fighting like John Wick? And it's like, oh, oh, no, he's not.

You're like, oh, oh. It's called Sean Sick. Dude, they should make a fucking, like Sean of the Dead. Sean Sick. But, so Kenneth Brana, not really him. Names disguised to, not to so I don't dox the well I don't want to say innocent this guy was he's like your your dude is he cheats you know he's a bad dude now this was over 10 years ago and

look at that point of my life the guy wasn't wrong uh I did do that and that's not right and you know this guy would do that to my girlfriend and then he would also have a girlfriend and cheat on her and I'm like Kenneth fucking Brana dude not him obviously but you know what I mean I go

you can't do that you're playing both sides man. Su. You know? Sup. And that's the only kind of person that's worse than the Warrens. So it's them and Jeremy Piven,

or Kenneth Brana. And it's like, do you? Also, dude, don't actually. You've always been cool, you know? Um, but yeah, so anyway. It's the end of times is what I was saying.

Maybe it might be. But also, dude, remember how funny fucking... I know, I got to plug it in. I know, I know, I know. I got to plug it in. Remember how funny it was to do fucking... Have you said thank you once? Dude, I will never...

Have you said thank you once? Hell yeah, they did it quick enough, didn't hurt. Have you said thank you once? Times, okay. What I'm trying to focus on... Dude, how much is J.G. Vance God, you just know he was like a fat kid, you know? But he, he, I know nothing about JD Vance, okay?

But God, is the memes still, still kill me. Focused on is doing as much of God's work as possible right now. And if that leads to the end times, okay. What I'm trying to focus on is doing as much of God's work as possible right now. And if that leads to the end times, okay. I know it's just a clip. but uh what the what happened after that because not okay right the least okay thing end of times anti okay only bad so what i don't get is you know a lot of people you know what i

And I'm a father of a five-year-old, actually. What I don't understand is, you know what I would love to know if the end of times are real? Because, you know, I'm not a religious person. I'm not a political person. I don't like anyone in charge, period. I didn't even like Charles when I was growing up. That's stupid, dude. You know, don't be fucking thinking about how I said that.

But I want. I want God or whoever, when that does happen, the end of times, I want him to come down. And I want him to just fucking hang everybody up by their underwear who actually doesn't believe in it and said they did. I don't care if you do believe in it or don't believe in it. But I don't like the hood winking. Have you said thank you once? Um, fuck yeah, dude. I went to this place yesterday.

But it could have been three years ago. Who knows? Because time is an illusion. Uh, called black sheep in Springfield, Missouri. Now, I go, I, I, you know, my diet hasn't been crazy on point this weekend. It's been, I would say, less than mediocre. Okay. It's not, it wasn't the worst.

But I went out with a bang last night. I go, Sam, because we had a little sushi, but it was healthy. It was like fish and rice. And then they did the show. And then afterwards, I say, Sam, I go like this. Let's get smash burgers. Okay. So he goes, let me look up smash burgers.

So we looked up smash burgers. Best smash burger place, apparently in Springfield, is called black sheep. Now, what do we know? if we had to do a test, if we had to test the audience, what does the host of the popular podcast congratulations think of a burger? It's a snack. That's the answer, right? Okay.

So what did the popular host of congratulations get when he was at the smash burger place? Two, he got two cheese burgers. Did he get the same one twice or did you get two different ones? Now, that is a tricky question. You don't want to ask me about that because what I would, what I would normally do is get two of the same burgers, but I was in a place that I didn't know which one was going to be the best one. So I got the two top dog looking ones. Fuck, dude. I really played it nice.

Okay. So I say, give me the ugly cheeseburger and the American girl. They both come. I go, tat, tat, tat, tat, no sauce. I'll take it on the side because I like to distribute my sauce by itself because that way I can put as much sauce on each bite as I want. Yes, dude. And that's really a way to play it.

Same thing goes with brownie and ice cream. Don't bring it together. It'll melt on it. Fuck you. If I want that, I could always do that. But I can't un melt it, can I? No. So I'll dictate how much ice cream goes on each bite of the brownie.

Thank you. So I did. And I got them. and I go, you know, it was like whenever I would go to Dodgers Stadium, I would go there sometimes with my dad and my brother and family sometimes, you know, when I was younger. And we would go and I'd be like,

I'm not going to get a Dodger dog this time. And the first thing I did when I went there was get a Dodgers dog and two, you know. I used to hit how they'd stick out of the buns. Just make the buns longer, you know? You're not getting me with that. That's a coup of shit. make the bun as long as the fucking thing.

I don't want it hanging off because it tastes good with the bread in it, but whatever. This isn't a food podcast. I got these two burgers and I didn't get fries because that's the secret kind of move. Is getting two burgers instead of burgers and fries. It's a secret move, dude. What do you want for me? It's a fucking secret move. I tell you, it's definitely a secret move when you're in fucking Springfield, Missouri.

And it's still 100 degrees out. And it's 11 p.m. Sam fucked up. You got one burger and, like, got a fry. The fries weren't good. I took one bite of the fucking burger that I thought I would like the most. But boom, dude. Flavor explosion in my mouth.

Just a sunrise medley of absolute taste. Dude. And I go, I'm going to eat every single one of these bites of this burger before I even touch the second one. Because let me tell you what some bitch shit is, dude. And man, oh, hey, careful, he's cooking. Speak. Hey, all right, all right, calm down. Let me tell you some bitch shit.

All right, careful. Ooh, he's cooking back there. Hold on, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, order, order, order, order, order, variety. Variety, variety is, you know. where some see heroes and others see egos Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes while others follow the noise we follow the money

learn more at Bloomberg.com Variety is the illusion Yeah yeah that's the word Variety is illusion of fulfillment There you go Hey, well, to he cook. I know, order, order, order, order, order.

All right is. He said it, bride is. Order, order, order, order. When I get two burgers, and this is, God, I get, ah, fuck, I love this kind of shit, dude. This is the stuff I like thinking of, you know, and my wife, my mom, you know, my brother, they'll all be like, you know, if you put half the time,

you think about fucking the way you eat cheeseburgers into trying to help. the world somehow, you could be president. And I go, yeah, dude, well, you know what? We're already cooked. Let me try to help with the basic shit because there's no way we're going to figure out world peace. Order, order, order, order, order, order.

Order, order. It's cooked a no order varieties of women of order. Guys, when you eat, when you got two burgers and you eat, and this is bitch shit, just so everybody knows. when you eat two burgers. And when you have two burgers and you eat and you pick what you think's going to be the top dog one. And you munch and you go, oh,

Antonio Benderas at the computer. You go, you take that first bite, you go, Antonio Benderz on the computer. You do not touch the second burger until you're done with the first burger, dude. Because you'll fuck up the bites. That's not how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be a burger Somalia.

Order, oh, they said burger Somalis. Guys, guys, guys, guys, relax. You need to drink club soda in the middle of the first burger and the second burger. So that's what I did, dude. And if you mix bites, you're a bitch, dude. Ha, fuck your, for your bitch, you fat motherfucker. Take money.

And I'm, and that's gospel. So, yeah, dude, I knew a guy who ate fries first before the burger. And I don't think that's right. But God bless, he did not take a bite of that burger. He did not take a bite of that burger until the fries were fucking done. And that, that's, that's a guy I'd like, for period um hmm so yeah so anyway i did that and i fucking house both those burgers god damn it dude luck you know and i don't want to be president i don't want to be president mom i don't want to be

president we're fuck you are you kidding me dude i don't want to be president i don't even want to be president i don't even want to be in any kind of corporation dude i wanted i i i'm You think I want to deal with lobbyists and shit? No, dude. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, I want to deal with me and my family. Oh, but Chris, this company paid you to do this and we don't like what this company stands for. I don't give a fuck, dude. I barely know what the company stands for. You know what I stand for? If it don't make dollars, it don't make sense. Fuck, we got to get back to that Tupac shit, man Don't even be just because they breed and be

If you ain't in it for the money Then what's your motherfucker purpose main? Like one of the outlaws said about exhibit In the fucking, I just, you know It's like everything is too expensive So I'm gonna worry about how I eat my burgers, dude Because you know, you go to the movie I go fucking, I did a double fetech

The shit was like $350 for the, two movies and a popcorn. And it's fine. You know, I'm fortunate. But it's just like, I don't even know how anybody does anything, man. Sam fucking gets slushies and shit. Like, you know,

what slushies he got? This is what he says at the fucking counter of every movie we've ever been to. What slushies he got? I didn't even know they had slushies at movie theaters. And he's always like, what are the flavors of slushies? I'm like, bro, you seven? He'll get that. then also milk duds.

What the fuck are you doing, dude? You want feet later? I'm just like, I get club soda and, and then he'll get popcorn and butter on it. Oh, dude. Just all the flavors. And this guy is a guy I'm arguing about

how to eat the burgers with, by the way. Because he didn't know what the fuck's going on, but it's fine. He was raised different and it's okay. But, you know, is, wait, what? Is sex without, pregnancy gay uh maga husband giving wife orgasms not babies is gay sex is what he's saying this is a maga guy

i guess he's got mega hat on and then the other person is saying i'm not going to have gay sex no no and then he says i'm not going to have gay sex if he gives his wife an orgasm but not pregnancy right right right uh how does he know the top post is. Oh, is there a video of it? Okay. I mean like seriously though, like the best part of it's why as soon as we got together, like she's off birth control. As soon as we're together, it's like no birth control, nothing because I'm not going to have gay sex. Oh, that's fantastic. That is fantastic. I know these. I know these. I know these. I know. this, these influencers, I think, they're online. And I know them.

I don't know them personally, but I've seen them. And like gay sex is more than just like another man and a man. It's just like, like the idea of looking at sex is such a materialistic thing and just like, oh, well, like, we just have an orgasm and that's fun or whatever. No, like, dude, sex is about having children. It's about having babies. Well, that's just not the definition of it. You know? He's changing the language, which is fine.

I love that kind of stuff. Change the language. But you got to put something beforehand, be like, hey, just so you know the meaning of gay is changing. You pop in your wife on birth control. You basically ought. You understand? You go popping?

You go popping. you go popping with no candy that's basically what we're saying from now on popping son's popin sans tic-tac for you you know

but you didn't think you'd hear that sentence when you woke up this morning but you want to do that that's fine but just having an orgasm with a woman isn't gay right because that's unless you want to change the name

of the words And I like how she, but I'll tell you what I do like, that's a woman right there standing by her man. Either way to go, yeah, that is gay and we're not gay. Like you are, you pump yourself full of birth control and then you have sex with your wife and like there's no purpose there except just pleasure. Hell yeah, pleasure's gay. Yeah, pleasure's gay. Everybody knows that. man that's wild to think like that that's dope though this dude is fucking so beyond in his years

the this funny dude a lot of people are so people say stuff like this these people can't get gay sex off their minds even when they say they're talking about straight sex they're obsessed with it now i understand that thought i get it you know you could think he's closet or whatever but I think kind of like, I kind of think everybody's kind of eight days away from being gay. You know how they have that thing where it's like, yeah, we don't have water in nine days. Society shuts down. It's before that you start fucking men. Because you can't do it after you die, right?

I think it's like four and a half days most guys crack, probably. At least thinking sexual thoughts about guys. I've never, okay? Never had to. you know i don't know what it's like out there on a desert if you're in prison or you know if they're just guys around if you're in lord of the flies and there's no women i don't know if there were women in that or just about a bunch of boys but like all i'm saying is the the the average male four and a half days me i could go eight i could go eight i can't go nine you know um especially if i was

going to be in prison for like one and a half years or something So I think it's cool though You know do whatever you want Pop in your wife No can pop in your wife's candy Call it straight Whatever you want dude

Dude the Clancy trial Speaking of I don't know we weren't really speaking of it But This Lindsay Clancy trial Uh Just honestly At this point

don't just put her in jail and also everyone that has to do with the case. If people are still kind of campaigning for it either way, just put them in jail too, dude. It's just all too much. Everyone is just, she should be in jail, okay? She did all that bad stuff, right? I don't even want to say it. Put the husband in jail too? For negligence?

Sure. Okay, fine. I have no idea. but don't say she's innocent. Don't say that. Can the medical system fail someone? Yeah, of course. So you want to put them in jail too?

Maybe there's a few of them you're thrown jail. Maybe you throw the doctor and like some of the nurses in that hospital and the therapist and then, you know, maybe the receptionist, you know, you clink them up, right? She was just holding the appointment. She was like, you were a little too close, though, you know? You were a little too close. So we got to keep you in a clink. She died.

She killed her fucking old family. The husband's in jail. I got to go. This is the doctor saying it. You're going. And you didn't want me to get rid of it for AI, right? Well, this is what happens. You can't put AI in jail.

But now, come on, let's get in the clink. AI could have set my appointments, but you had to be a fucking bitch about it, right? Yeah, so it is crazy the stuff that you bitchy. Like you, they're showing, the stuff, the way they manipulate you, it's never been more apparent too because, like, they'll show you pictures of her smiling like T. Hean at the trial, but that's the fake. You'll go, this fucking, this fucking, who's she,

fucking Baba Duke? And then you go, and you read under it, you go, oh, this is AI. Fuck, I'm an idiot. So, you know, I just hope that justice happens with them and poor kids. You know, you start to see these really, really, really crazy liberal people saying certain things like, imagine if they weren't kids. Imagine if they were just pots and pans.

Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. while others follow the noise we follow the money learn more at bloomberg.com you know and they stole them at Target and you're just like

no that's not what happened though anyway we're pink I don't know what's going on with that but you know I just the more time goes on it makes no sense it's like now there's like copycat well I go well I

I don't even know if it's real, but I heard there's copycat stuff going on. Now, what about this, dude? I mean, what's real, dude? How did they keep this under wraps? 824, the preview. I can promise you that. I thought this was AI. It's not.

I don't have anything to deceive you on. Of course, I'm not deceiving you. I'm engaging with you as a human being. Why would I deceive you? There's no reason for me to do that. Okay. Okay, good shot. You're being real right now?

Always being real. Please. What the fuck is this, dude? Like, honestly, so this is the woman, Elizabeth Holmes, that went to jail. She was basically doing what an agent does, which all agents should go to jail. But she was like, yeah, we got the product. This person is signing up for the product. You want to get in on this?

Because it's going to be the thing to do. It's like, yeah, she's basically doing. David Sullivan of my friend group. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Chad's going to be there. You want to go? He goes, oh, yeah, I'll go. And then you call Chad. You're like, you're going to be there?

He's like, beware. This is basically what she did with medicine. No, you can't do that. She's like, yeah, everything's working. If you just, you know, in her mind, I'm sure she's like, positive thinking leads to, you know, just act like, fake it until you make it. And then the, you know, the feds go, actually no.

Everyone's, people are dying. So she went to jail, prison three years ago. And then this is a trailer for a movie called You Can See Everything, directed by Nathan Fielder, who's amazing. And Lance Oppenheim, I don't know who that is, but people are saying he's great. I must have seen some stuff he's done too. You can see everything is the true events of notorious Silicon Valley founder Elizabeth Holmes.

34 days before she was sent to prison. She invites a skeptical film crew to document her every move. I guess my question is why did they... Why did she trust him? Did she not know? Or did she think,

fuck it, everything's content? I'm going to be famous. Oppenheim directed the new Chris Hansen movie. The whale? Oh, I didn't see that. Okay. Yeah. I just don't want to see a movie about a guy that's just, isn't it about a guy who's just going to be fat the whole time and he's crying about it?

No? Is it? Is it reductive? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But I will say that that's what the trailer. I think they do trailers wrong. This is a great trailer.

I think they do trailers wrong. We have this going viral. What is this? Oh, my God. Okay. All right, here we go. Elliot Page. I meant to click on Elliot Page thing,

but this guy is always getting so many millions of views, that guy. I always see him. I'm not that person. Ellie, Ellie, what was her name before that? Ellen Page. And now she's going by Elliott Page and she's being a guy. Um, what the way I said it? I mean, you know, it's like, whatever.

I don't give a fuck. Here's the thing. If you cut your penis off or add one, fine. Then okay. All right, ma'am. Guy. But if you don't do that, it's like, what's her name? Uh, uh, uh, the one, the Bruce Jenner.

What did she, he turned to? Caitlin Jenner. She cut her dick off, dude. Or he, he cut her dick off. He cut his dick off. He cut his dick off. And then he goes, I'm a girl.

So I'm like, touche, dude. You know? Yes. People don't know that. He got bottom surgery. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

So I'm like, and I'm not saying, look, if you're a guy that gets tits even, I still don't know. But if you lop it off, if you John Wayne Bobbitt, on your dolo, then okay, ma'am, all right, ma'am. I mean, what more do you want? And I'm not even saying that as a woke thing.

I'm just like, man, you played the motherfucking game, dude. Right? So if you've got, you know, no, you know, you were born a woman and you go, actually, I'm a guy. No. Uh-uh. I know, I'm sorry. But if you, you know what I mean?

Lop the chest off and trunk it up. Excuse me, sir. Are you in line? Right? Because it's, you played that motherfucker game. And you played the motherfucker game. And then the thing is, we might even be in a simulation. So props, dude.

Props. You made your avatar the way you wanted, right? You didn't just cut your hair, did you? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. you know that's as kind of woke as i'll get right so i'll say this in clothes in clothing in closing uh both of my boys are potty trained and billy smashed it dude the dude love we fucking go when he i go So we, Pied train Calvin, it was a little tougher. So with Billy, I say, here's what we're going to do.

Whenever he uses the toilet, I'm going to cheer like my dad when the Mets won the World Series in 1986. And I do that. And it worked day of. I mean, he got so happy that I got so happy that I got so happy. I mean, and I'm talking, you can't cheer like, oh, I forgot my show's on tonight. That's amazing. Nope. You got to do it.

On, um, uh, at bat the, the, what's the fucking, an injured Kirk Gibson, whatever was 89 or 90 something. Not looking good. And then knocks it goes yard over the fucking. That's how you got to cheer. And dude, day of. your son without diapers.

They won't even tell you. You'll be looking to be shit in their little potty that they use. Anyway, so that's the hack there for you. And I appreciate you. So I'll be in Phoenix now this weekend and then a bunch of different. I got Atlanta, Birmingham,

so many different days in Florida. Days in Florida. I got Austin out there. I got a bunch. Just go check New Jersey. And then Europe. So go to Krista.com. Thank you very much.

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