Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 533. Foreign Stinky

Episode Date: October 15, 2026

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Runk. Hey guys, what's up and welcome to congratulations. The new episode, the Berlin special. I'm in Berlin and that's great. I got the front facing camera. I know my producers told me to not do the front facing camera, but also I have to do the front facing camera because if I don't,

then I won't be able to see when the phone runs out of power. And the plug doesn't work because we got those circular plugs the European plugs in what do you call it in Berlin here and so far it's only been circular plugs which is great I mean circular plugs are great

but I prefer the American ones where they're just the little boxy ones if that even makes any sense I don't know you know it might not but it might anyway I got my whole setup here I'm producing this special

this podcast let me see if I get the audio right I'm producing this. You know, I will upload the files to the cloud so the producers will get it. But right now, I'm flying solo on my dolo, you know, and I got the phone facing me, but the window is outside. So I just, right now I literally look like I'm broadcasting on a television show that, and the window is just faced towards the streets of Berlin. And Germans are just walking by watching me do my live broadcast,

which is live for them, which means it's live for about, you know, four. Wow, how many people will walk by here during this hour? 110. I don't know, 110. So that's what's going on right now. And I'm here live in Berlin. The congratulations podcast, episode, whatever it is.

I have no idea, honestly. because I don't have my spreadsheet. I don't have my spreadsheet. I don't have anything here telling me what is what. It's just me. I got my cup of water. And they're good with the, they're good with the, when I went, when I checked into this hotel,

which I'm at the ammo hotel in Berlin, which is cool. The rooms, well, actually, let me start with this. The rooms are you, so far I've been to Paris. I've been to Oslo, which feels like I blinked. and went to Ozo because I was there for about eight hours. And then I went to, and now I'm in Berlin. And then tomorrow I have, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. My tour manager is cool. She's just like, okay, get here at this time. And then we'll go to the airport. And then I show up in Vienna. And then I go, hey, guys, do you understand English? But I thought, but the rooms in Paris, the hotel room was as small as, I mean, there was honestly no way I could have done the podcast in that room. It was the smallest. It was a closet, basically. And, you know, I kept walking by nice hotels that were like big. And they tried to put me in the cute fucking French hotel, which was fine. And the French show was amazing. I actually wasn't sure. I heard France people stick to themselves, that they love their own and that they don't necessarily.

you know, they, you know, they keep their, their nose up to other foreigners, especially Americans, but I just fucking, you know, did, I did, I did, I had a good time. And I think there's going to be some footage of that. So we'll be able to put that on, uh, on my YouTube here. So, on my other YouTube. So go subscribe to my other YouTube channel, my Christalia channel. Uh, anyway, uh, it's, it's super cool here, I guess. Uh, I've been working out, And, you know, I guess let's just treat this like a normal podcast. I mean, it is a normal podcast, but I am in a hotel in Berlin. And look, I bought this for my kids.

Heartwheel stuff because I was FaceTiming them at the duty-free tax where you don't tax. They don't tax you in the airport. I don't like how they fucking make you go through the duty-free no matter what you, no matter where you land. if you if you if you if you if you if you're in an international airport and you land you go to you go through duty free you can't not to get out into the public it's like hey here's a bunch of fucking perfume and vodka and and and toys I guess and candy like everything that will pretty much kill you slowly but hey you're not taxed for it you know and I don't like how they it duty-free? I don't honestly think that that's a good name for it. I don't really know what

duty-free means. Sometimes you go to these foreign places and things mean certain things and they mean and other things mean different. Like I went to a, I walked by a place in Germany. It was like, it was called like gay suck place or something. And it was like just, you know, strudels that they sold. And I'm like, oh, you don't go, you're not a gay guy to go get sucked off here. You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't. You don't. You don't. You don't. go here for the undercover gay sucking. It wasn't really called the gay suck place, but I can't remember. It's called like Fagalini or something.

I can't remember. It was. It was called like Fagalini. And I don't even mean to be, you know, shitty, but it was called, it had fag something in it. And I don't mean, that's not a slur. That's what the word was in either Oslo or Germany or whatever it was. But anyway, I went to the mall of Berlin yesterday to go find it.

First of all, I went to work out at this place that said it was. the closest best gym for my liking. I asked Chat Chupt, what's the best gym that's closest for me? And it said some place called like Pink Frausenhauser. And I went there and I got there and the whole gym was pink and there was a guy at the reception and he said, this is only for women? And I said, oh, this gym's only for women? He said, yes. And then I was like, okay, well, is there a gym that I can go to that's good? And he was like, go to the sports club down at the Mall of Berlin. And so I said, okay. So, and then I left it.

And I was like, dude, why is there a fucking guy working there? You know? Like, honestly, there should be, if women work, if women, if only women can work out at the, at the, at the, at the gym, only women should work out at the reception, right? Because if men are the problem, get them all out. get them all out number one and number two and this is a timely thing because I would like to talk about this because uh you know everyone is upset about well no no no i say everyone but what i mean is a fraction of people are upset about

a fraction of a percentage of people are upset about Shane Gillis and his s and l monologue and uh about how he pretty much called he well he said women dressed like some women dressed like horrors at the uh at the gym, which, like, you know what he means, right? I guess, you know, I put up an Instagram on it, and I was like, dude, that's not even the joke part. Because people were saying, this is the joke, you know, this is the joke that he calls

women horrors, which is not the joke. The joke is the fact that he was in the back of the TikTok videos and whatever. But I understand people were upset about it for other reasons, too, like, don't call women horrors and all that stuff. Yeah, I get it. Okay, whatever. It was a comedy show. He was trying his best to be funny.

A lot of people thought it was fun. people laughed in the audience. You either thought it was funny or you didn't think it was funny. But the, the, first of all, I actually wonder if he said sex worker, if that would have been a lot different. If he said women are dressed like sex workers at the gym, because, you know what he means, and they do dress like sex workers, okay? They show as much as sex workers sometimes at the gym. And you can't say, no, they don't, or women can dress like that. and then when they're also showing their sex bones under the you know the what do you oh did you

that's a little siren that bends at the end on in on in on and on and on no why does it do that it's like you're in trouble and you may be dying but so is this siren on the way there um But yeah, so people get upset and women basically show their their pussies at the gym. You know, at least the lips are, you know, the fabric is tight over the lips. And, you know, it looks like pretty much a sideways burger. And you can, you can see that it's a, you know, vividly see that it's a vagina. And so we know that. We absolutely know that.

If anyone says, no, you know, I guess there are people out there, they're like, no, women don't dress provocative at the gym. I guess there's people who think that. You have a mental illness, okay? And all women don't do this. And here's my point. I went to the Pink Schaer, Jim or whatever the hell it was called in Germany. Only women at the gym?

All of them were in baggy sweats. Okay. Now, look, that might be a. cultural thing in Germany, but snot, right? It's not because you see the German workout girls online also. And they dress, provocative. And that's okay, dude. But to be a man at the gym and to try and not, you know, because you know, you try not to look, right, because you don't want to be. shamed. You try not to look. And then you see a woman in the in the gym like posing and she's like pulling this shit down and like showing her her sex lines and shit. And and you're just like,

who's it who's it for you? You do that for you? That's fine. Okay. So people were really mad at Shane and some people were really mad after that when I posted the video about me. And it's pretty crazy, man, because everyone knows, everyone knows what he's talking about. I get women don't want to be called whores. I get that for sure. And sure, that's valid. But it was a wild thing. It was funny, too, because when that happened, I just wanted to text Sebastian and be like,

hey, dude, looks like you're all right now. Like, people don't actually give a fuck. They just want to, it's like they try to activate themselves into giving a fuck. or they're triggered and just completely in the completely, you know, I don't know, life's easy for a lot of people, you know what I mean? And what I mean by that is not that they don't get trauma, not that they don't have things that are bad that happen in their life,

but like there are times in history where you literally couldn't get too close to someone or you would die because of, you know, some disease. Remember when they used to wear those dick nose things to keep the spices under the nose? So they could smell good. So people could smell good. So they could smell something pleasant rather than the dead bodies on the street rotting

in the black plague. Do you know what I'm saying? That was a time, right? So since that was a time, it's tough. That was tough. And, you know, everyone goes through their shit. Everyone goes through trauma. Everyone goes through their stuff that makes them who they are.

You get shaped, how you get shaped, because of all the things that happened to you. But just all I'm saying is member the dick knows, right? You could be living during the time of the dick knows with the spices underneath. You could. You could be living in, remember the frankincense. You know what I'm saying? Is that a frankincense? Is that a, I don't have my computer here, but Franken, what is frankincense?

Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a, an aromatic smart. Yeah, dude, your boy's fucking smart. Your boy's super fucking smart. And I didn't even mean to be. I was traveling around Paris and, uh, it's cool. Okay. It's cool. Now, granted, people say it's the most romantic.

city in the world okay and i didn't i wasn't crazy traveling around to a bunch of crazy areas that were beautiful and stuff like that there were there were cool cafes i had a lot of great coffee a lot of great coffee dude they got this thing in uh germany called the oh no actually it's not just in germany it's in a bunch of different places i don't know uh how many but it's called the the espresso house this is like they have starbucks but this is like a chain and it's it's it's good it bangs they need to bring that to America. Anyway. Yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, uh, Paris. It's cool.

There are great areas and all that. Uh, I heard often that it changed from people. So I don't know what it changed to. I think usually when somebody says, yeah, it's, you know, it changed. That means that there's less. usually it's a white person saying there and that means there's less white people there now and it was and they think it was nicer with white with more white people and i you know dude i'm white do i want to be around look here here's the thing uh do i not want to be around other

non white people no i don't not want to be around other ron white people i don't i i think being around other cultures and other races and stuff is fun and good. Now ask me, do I want to be around white people? Yes. Right? So that sounds racist, but it's not. It's both racist and not racist.

So I think that if you're as racist as you are, if you're as not racist as you are racist, it can balance it out. Like you can be a little bit of both. Anyway, I'm at the widest place on Earth, Berlin. So, and I went to the Berlin Mall of Berlin. This is called the Berlin Mall, you know.

Not the mall of Berlin. It's not, the way it is isn't fancy enough to make it the mall of Berlin, you know. They said, go to the Mall of Berlin. I go, oh, they're going to have the fucking most amazing shit there. I go there. It's just some mall. It's got like a fucking whatever the German equivalent of Zales is. And then a burger term, which is a burger term, T-U-R-M, which is a,

Place to eat a burger, I guess. Burger term. This is not appetizing. And so, yeah, they got cool cars here in Germany. They really know what's up in that direction, in that specific direction. But yeah, in that specific instance, whatever. Dude, I went to, I was flying from Paris to Oslo. Oslo?

Yeah, that's where I was doing it. And they, I don't know if they do this in America, but I got to the airport. So every European airport is just too far away. Okay. It makes going to the Denver airport look like walking across the street. Like when you land in Paris, you're not in Paris. You might be, it might be technically Paris. It might be technically France.

Not close. No. You land, it's, it's, the airport is horrendous, okay? And then, and then you find out that there's also another airport that's horrendous. So fine, whatever. So it took like an hour to get to Paris from the airport, or maybe more. It was however many kilometers that is. And then I was like, okay, I did this Paris show and I said to my, my tour manager, I said,

So when do we leave tomorrow? And she said, like an hour and a half before the airport. And I go, and that sounds kind of bad with considering how far it is. And she was like, I checked. It's only 30 minutes. I'm like, all right. It took me in a, in my head, I go, it's an hour. But okay, she knows what's up.

And then I get into my thing, my default thing where it's like, I want this to be, I'm going to do exactly what they say this way. When it gets fucked up, I can be mad at them in my head. And I won't even be like outwardly yelling at anyone. But in my head, I'll be like, anyway. I know it. They fucked up. Good. Okay. Cool. Looks like I'm on the right track because I know when to get to the airport. I know when to leave for the airport from the Taylor Hotel in Paris to get to CDG. Um, and and it needs to be earlier than what she thought. But anyway, so I get to, uh, we, we, we go, we're going to go at 9.30 and the flight's at 11.50. 930. That seems too late for me, to me, especially. on a Monday during that time is going to be traffic.

Okay. So I'm like, all right, well, let's do it though. So in the morning, she texts me, flights delayed an hour. So I say, okay. So she says, I'm coming at 10.15. And I'm like, okay. Really pushing it, but okay. And so we leave.

Kind of smoothish sailing until we get close to the airport. that was an extra half hour, right? So we get to the airport at 1115 or 1120. Now, the scheduled flight to leave, it was supposed to be 1150. Instead, it's one. All right. So technically, we're at the airport

an hour and 40 minutes before the flight takes off. Plenty of time. Got the fast pass. You know, they're good in Europe when you got to use your passport from country to country. It's not like trying to get from America somewhere to Europe.

It's like they go like this. Oh, yeah, you're just from going from France. Okay, cool. Come on, Oslo. So we get there. I got two bags, you know, because I brought two bags because I brought, I don't know,

I'm going to be here for like almost three weeks. So I'm like, I'm going to pack more stuff. Which I shouldn't have. I've been wearing the same fucking shit for five days now. So I pack. the so so i get we get there with the airport she goes to check us in and then she goes like he says so we have a problem and i say okay what is it she says we can't check our bags anymore because the time of checking bags is over and i go okay so what do we do we check to drive time

from paris to oslo 20 hours can't do it have a show tonight. So she says, do you want to go on a different flight? I said, when's it getting? She says, 6.50. Shows at 7. It's up. No, I can't do that.

You know? So she says, we have another option. You can get on the flight with no bags. Huh. What's up? And I already, and I'm already checked in. Right? So, and I say, okay, so then what?

And she says, and I can take all the bags and go to Oslo on the later flight and get there at 6.50. And I'll meet you at the show. And I say, that's fine. But I need pants. She says, so get them out of the bag, putting your backpack. So I get the jeans out. I put in my backpack. I say, okay, see you.

And I get on a plane in Europe with only a backpack, which makes me feel like I'm, I'm going to be murdered. You know what I mean? Like somebody's going to track me down, get me into a hostel, just pretty much, you know, ass, play with my asshole a lot, and I don't want them to, and then cut off my feet or something, you know?

Like, when you're a backpacked through Europe, you're like, oh, I mean, I'm either, you know, going through some serious breakup or going to get murdered and my asshole place, with when I don't want it to be or both, right? But it's not. It's not me. I'm this comedian that has a show that 600 people are going to show up to in Oslo.

So I'm like, all right, my asshole will be fine. Let me just go. I'll take this backpack. I'll put my jeans in it. So I've got a backpack with jeans and a toothbrush, you know, a sense. And I leave. And I say, okay, see you later. And she says, see you.

it's going to be tough for me to take these three bags, four bags, to the other airport. And I say, huh? You mean when you land in Oslo? And she says, nope, got to go to the other airport in Paris. So. And I'm pissed. I'm like, oh, you're never going to get these. Bye.

You know, I'm just, bye. I'll never see you again. And not because I'm getting killed at a hostel. I'm just, this is just where we part forever because there's no way you're getting four fucking big, my bags are huge and her bags were huge. And she was like, they're not going to,

I don't know what the weight limit is. I was like, ah, bye. She was, you know, I don't even know how many kilograms this is because I don't use it. Bye! I'll see you later. I'll do the all slow show and then just, I'll try to do the rest of this stuff without you.

Bye. I'll never see you again. And so I did it. I got on the plane, got to the show, put on my jeans. She didn't even get there until after the show. And I went off without a hitch, dude. So props to Europe. But here's the thing.

Why the fuck can I check my bags an hour and 40 minutes before the flight? It's enough time. So enough time to get my fucking two luggage is over to the plane, over to the easy. over to the easy jet that's the other thing too that like Europeans will have the names of their planes are like the brands are like easy jet or fly with me or like you know cool soar that sounds like her piece come on down to cool soar we take it anywhere you want to go cool sore um but yeah So, you know, and they were like, well, they were like, ah, well, the thing is we have to have, you have to be here at within an hour before the time.

And I was like, but it's delayed. It doesn't leave till an hour and 40 minutes. They're like, ah, we, yes, but we cannot have, we have to have when you, before the scheduled flight leaves. And it's like, oh, really, dude? So if the fucking thing was delayed till six, what, then what, you know what then? Why do you text me it's delayed? Why do I get alerts on my EasyJet app or my Norwegian air where the fuck I was flying from? Why are you alerting me to get to the airport later if my bags are going to be fucked?

So basically you're sending me a foreigner, an alert to fuck me. So I can't bring my different tops and contact. lenses and new socks for the show. So now Oslo is going to have Stinky Chris. But so they don't do that in America, I don't think. And I don't know what the deal was, but speaking to stinky, though, I went to the gym in France twice. Killing it. And I got it, I got to say, man, the gym, you know, look, I understand I go to nice gyms in America and sometimes when I'm on the road, I'm not going to have the nicest gym. But the gyms in Paris stink like shit.

And, you know, I don't, you know, I don't want to say Parisians are, because they don't smell bad, right? I know that's the rap on them. And maybe when they sweat a lot, they smell bad. But Americans smell bad too when they sweat. So here's the thing, though. I'm used to the bad sweat, sweating some Americans. I'm not used to the stench.

of foreign so when I'm at in Paris and I get the stinky the stuff activated when they're doing a leg press and then I go nearby and I go oh fuck how fuck well fuck

then I see I go I'm not used to that stinky that foreign stinky I'm not used to that foreign stinky do you know what I'm saying so But it was, yeah, it was bad.

Foreign stinky. We can't talk about episodes, the title. So that will be a good title for this one. I'm letting you know. Ivan gets rid of foreign stinky. And so, anyway, but it was, yeah, it was stinky in the gym.

But it's also probably stinky in America's gym, but I'm just used to it. You know what I'm saying? It's not necessarily that they say, you know, people get bad raps and shit and, and, and it just kind of like becomes a thing. and then it's like, oh, that's just what we say. But, yeah, French women are pretty.

The French men are hilarious looking, dude. I literally saw a dude walking down the street in France with a fucking long baguette and circular glasses. And it was sticking out of a bag, a baggie. And he was just like it was a fucking, you know, what do you even eat like that? I don't even know what you eat like that. Why is it making that noise?

I don't even know what you eat like that. But he was eating it like it was a fucking like ice cream, but like, you know, obviously you don't do that with the cold, but anyway. And I kept walking by French people, dude, and I would laugh. I would laugh. Dude, I walked by a men's grooming place, which was in France, which was like, you know, I guess back in the day, they would call it like this is where the metrosexual guys go, where it's like they're not gay, but they want to print out. And they have perfect beards with the cut. Now, you know, now it's more kind of a little like looks maxing, but looks maxing is definitely more hardcore because you smash your bones and stuff to make them bigger and look chad. But I was, I was walking by and I saw, what do you call it? A, um, I saw the, uh, I saw the, uh, men's grooming place.

And as I walked by, I looked down and there were three, like, perfectly groomed men with like jagged silver beards, quaffed hair, great, like one of them had a great tan leather jacket on and like dark jeans with cuffs at the bottom with fucking, you know. and I walked by and as I walked by they were right next to me. Like I had to kind of like move away so I wouldn't hit walk into them. Bro,

I laughed in their face. I mean, I don't know how many times I've laughed in someone's face before and unintentionally, you know, because you can be a dick and be like, ha ha ha ha. But it wasn't that, bro. I involuntarily laughed in these three French guys' faces.

They were groomed to per, to perfection. And I don't think they saw me, but if they did, they had to know what I was laughing at. Ah, because we are groomed, yeah? Because we look like, how you say, absolute perfection.

And then I'm like, all right, maybe that's the fucking deal here in France. That's how it is to be hot, you know? But, uh, I think, here's another thing about France. honestly, recognized once, at least outwardly. I landed a guy said, oh, Chris Delia, and I was like, yeah, he was like, can I get a picture?

And I was like, oh, sure, but we don't know where the fuck that guy was from. So it doesn't count the airport. They're going in and out of the country. The guy could be Pakistani for all. I know I have no idea. French people, they don't know who Christalia is. And I had a show there. So I was like, are they going to show up?

Because I was walking around. and it was like I was Steve somebody, which is fine. It was actually nice, dude. Because, like, to be frank with you, whenever I go anywhere, people say something, right? And in America, and Europe, and Oslo and Germany, I hear, you know. But in Paris, zero. One guy came up to me, and he was like, ah, I was just looking at your Instagram ad. But I cannot buy tickets yet.

It's not available, apparently. And I said, well, yeah, you can. And the show's tomorrow. When did they open up the ticket sales less than 24 hours before the show? And so he says, ah, perfect. And so he, I don't know if you went or not. But, you know, the venue held like 300 and I sold like 250. So, yeah.

I mean, that's small for me. But, you know, I guess they don't really know me in Paris. But that was, it was wild to be like walking around. Because I had my hood. Sometimes I walk around my hood on because I don't. want people to say anything. Then it mats down my fucking hair and all that shit and it looks bad for the rest of the day. But in France, I put it on and then I was like, I don't have to. I took my hood off and I was just like walking around like Steve somebody. But they didn't know

I was stinky Chris. They didn't even know I was stinky Chris, dude. The food is great in Europe because it's real. You're not eating plastic. And then I saw that there was like, you know, this thing in America, which is like there are 15, my business manager was saying, there are 15

brand, or 15 I don't know, chemicals or or, no, what do you call it? Something that contains 15 products, no, 15 properties

substances yes dude substances that are banned in America for beauty products and in Canada

there's like 350 and in Europe there's like 2,000 you know what I'm saying so hello Americans, women

and gay guys and trans y'all dying. Because that's crazy. You know, whatever though, dude. You know, it's like, what are we getting five? What do you get two extra years at the end? Germans?

What do you get fucking an extra month and a half? You know, I guess I'd want that. But like, if I knew, if you knew you were going to die in a month Would you want to know? Would you live it up in that last month and a half? Not me, bro.

Not me. If somebody is like you have fucking this many months to live, bro, you know who's not living it up? Me. I'm doing everything exactly the fucking same, dude. Coffee, workout. Maybe I won't work out because I could just, you know, maybe I'd eat. whatever I want. Yeah, maybe I live it up. Maybe I live it up, honestly. Maybe I live it up, number one. But what I won't do, skydiving. But that's the, you know, you know, people are like,

oh, well, then we got to travel. Let's go to fucking wherever. Let's sit with the tribes in Papua New Guinea. You know, I got till April. Not me, bro. Coffee, sitting. I think I would still work out. Eating, I think I would still eat nice. Hang on with the kids, when my kids, you know, my family, loving, and then peace. Fuck skydiving. Fuck that shit. Get out of here. And maybe I go out like in a cool, crazy way.

Like, when I was younger, I used to think sincerely that when I got to be like 90 or 95, you know, or the end of life, whatever it is. I mean, you're lucky if you get to live to 90, 95. But that I was going to try and convince somebody I was Superman and I was Superman and I was. and I was going to say, I will prove it, and then I was going to jump off a bridge, and that's how I was going to die. And then they would be like, oh, he's not Superman.

He thought he was Superman, and he's not. He's just a crazy guy. And I thought that that would be a really good way to go. At least you could leave with a, with a, it would be interesting, you know. They'd be like, hey, dude, you remember, you remember Chris? And you go, what? Did you know that his whole life he thought he was Superman? At least at the end he did.

he go what and yeah he brought me up to a bridge and then he took his shirt off he had a whole fucking Superman outfit under it and with the cape and everything and then he goes watch this and he jumped off a bridge and he just hit the fucking ground he died what yeah yeah he was 93

he's obviously he's not a Superman he's fucking aging like terrible he was like walking around all you know how they walk around that's how they walk around remember I said 110 people are going to walk by way more and so many on bikes that's the thing that's good about America or foreign

foreigners is that they ride bikes they're healthy you know what I mean they're really fucking healthy and they do that and they get their shit you know aired out and that's really good by the way I was thinking about doing the podcast starting to do the podcast like this

I'm just kind of like doing it like this. I'm walking around too, so it's a little bit more like stand-up. I don't know if I'll start doing that. I don't mean just in Europe, but I mean everywhere, like when I'm at home. Kind of like, what are those fucking, what are those madball money guys?

Or, you know, the guys who are always talking about, this is the stock that's going up. They'll be yelling at the camera. I want to do it like that. Does any comedian do that? I don't know. But anyway, so what do I have left? I have, let me actually do it like that because that'll be nice.

I have Vienna. I have, what do I have left? Stockholm, Gotenberg. What's the other one in Copenhagen? I don't know. Oh, no, Copenhagen. What's the other one in Denmark? Copenhagen.

And then Hamburg, which is the low ticket sale. I don't even think that's that far from here But tonight's looking good But Hamburg is not So we'll see what's going on But then I come back I go to Florida I go to Pennsylvania

I got the casino gig And then I got Tyler Texas Where is it? You know, what a culture shock That's going to be me getting back Dude stinky Chris coming back And doing all that shit

But yeah I miss my family I miss my kids It's been you know It's tough actually because, but thank God for the FaceTime, man. Like, when I think about, like, my dad would go do like a month or two of work, you know, and I wouldn't see him.

And I wouldn't talk to him either because he would like, I mean, you know, sometimes you would say, hi, hi, hi, but how long you stay on a phone, you're fucking seven. You go, okay, bye. Because my kids don't even want to FaceTime me. And, like, I'm making funny faces at them. but yeah i don't know they just uh i don't know how i guess i guess times changing you adapt with it but like dude if i didn't get to face time my kids fuck that i'd be sad i'd be one sad dude um it's so funny how many blondes are in germany and also all of europe kind of o'slow i guess i

should say but that's super blonde but the steel blue eyes with the with the fucking long like like bleach hair, but still beautiful. Like not bleach like it was, what do you call it? Platinum kind of shit, but like it has a little bit of like real in it. Because they're not doing it. They're not the, you know, like an Asian girl doing it in America, how they do it. And you're going, you know, have blonde hair. Do Asian girls have blonde hair yet?

Like, is that a thing that can happen? Because they have now asses, which is weird. They never used to. But yeah. I have to go to the gym. I have to go do my show in Berlin. I'm excited. I've never played a lot of these places.

A lot of people are like, are you exploring? What's it like out there? You know what, dude? I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know because I'm working and I got to do this fucking podcast. You know, I stacked a bunch of golden hours and lifelines,

but not stacking. Congratulations. Keeping it current. I cannot fucking believe how many people are on bicycles. And they got the lime scooters out here. You better believe I fucking took a lime scooter out here. There was a woman in front of me with a regular bike, and she was going just as fast as me, so I felt like a bitch.

And I was like, behind her, and I was like, I hope she doesn't think I'm following. It was shitty. Shitty American following me. Fucking gas hole. Get away from me. I've heard about your type. I googled you. I heard what you said backing up Shane Gillis on the S&L's mind.

monologue, fucking bitch. Get away from me. I'm going to Fagolini. Stop following me. I'm going to Fagolini. It's a place that sells it's a place that sells fucking

why are you looking at me like that? It's a place that says pastries. Anyway, I feel good. You know what's funny is when you go on the road for a long time, you prep yourself, you go. Mentally, you go, all right. I'm going to be able to do it. And the first six days, like it's been six days.

This is kind of how it was. It's the opposite of going, opposite of rehab. Because when I went to rehab, the first six days are the worst days, period, in your life. They take your phone and then you just go, okay, what do I do? And you just cry six days. And then you kind of get used to it. you're like, I don't really want my phone. But on the road, when you go, you're like, there's all the excited.

You don't want to leave, but then when you get there, you're like, all right, this is cool. Let me see what's up. You're in a different place. It's shocking, culture shock, you know, and then you go do your shows and you're whatever. Six, seven days into it, you go, I'm sad because the fucking you miss your family. So you just got to keep your fucking head down. I go to the gym for two hours, which is good. And I drink coffee, which is good, dude.

my 30s I used to just try to get fucking laid. Oops. Because in my 30s, I just used to try and get laid. Um, I got to, uh, go work out. I went to the, this place yesterday that was, uh, it had, uh, it was like coffee and, and, I guess, dessert. I don't know. It had dessert stuff.

And I walked in on this, and I ordered. and I sat down with just a coffee. You know, I wanted to just chill and write and kind of like get my thoughts out, you know. And these two German dudes walked up to me. I guess they, well, they worked there and they had cake with them. And they said, would you like? And I was like, is this how it happens? Are they fucking poisoning me?

Is this how they did that? We hope you like your cake, my friend. We hope you like it. Bye, bye. and I'm like, oh, do you work here? Because their outfits weren't like, I work here outfits. Like, they might as well have had fucking jeans on and like a tank top. But I looked in a corner, I think they had like a little patch somewhere.

It said something in German. I don't know. It could have said, I don't work here. But I took it as the brand for the place, even though it didn't look like it. And then I say, he says, on the house? this is on the house the food the cake

and I go all right yeah sure thank you very much and I smiled and he put it down and I took a bite and it was so fucking good

and I go I'm eating this whole thing I can't really put I can't if the food's in front of me that's the goal that's the thing is don't put the food in front of you

if you're a fat fuck And you are, and I don't mean if you're a fat fuck, if you look fat. I mean, if you're a fat fuck, that's in your heart, you know, which I am. I can eat, bro. People are like always eating some shit. I'm eating way more than that. People are always eating like some of their stuff. I go beyond the plate.

Beyond the plate. A food thriller with Denzel Washington. Eat it all. Yeah. But I just. eat every morsel. So yeah, you know, I ate it all. And the thing about coffee, when you eat

cake or something sweet, it really activates the fucking coffee. Doesn't that fucking suck about food? I know people like it. People are like, oh, that's what makes food better. I don't look at it as if you have coffee and pastries, it elevates the coffee and it elevates the pastry, people like that. I don't like that. I want the coffee to be the best just a coffee.

Why the fuck would I want other food activating the fucking shit? I guess that's what ingredients is. But it's like, you know, but it's not though. It's not because you wouldn't have, you know, put the pastry in coffee and drink the coffee. That's ingredients. But you'd put the, you know, you take a sip of coffee, you go, hmm, nice and bitter. And then you take an eat of the fucking croissant or the or the cake and you go, oh shit, that cut that motherfucker right through. Nice.

It gets you here, get you right here, like the A1 commercial. And then you go back to the coffee, reset the palate, nice bitterness. And then over to the cake. Oh, shit. I thought I forgot. But that cut right through. And so you keep. cutting it through.

Oh, yeah. But me, I'm like, man, it should be fucking legitimately, the best version of what it is should be the fucking purest single version. I guess it's like marriage, you know. It's like when a guy is like, she made me the best, the best that I could have ever been. There is no me without her. And Gary,

They're right, I guess, right. They're right. Women don't really said about men, though, do they? Women aren't like, without you, I am no one. But men will be like, without you, I ain't shit. I don't know why the guy's from Boston or the Bronx. He's from the East Coast for sure. But yeah, I don't, you know, it's what marriage is.

coffee and pastry coffee and pastry i guess a lot of single dudes out there just being coffee and that's fine but a lot of single women out there they're pastries and pastries are delectable no matter what but i guess the men are the coffee and they need the pastries but coffee is fine on its own i mean i do it all the time not no not you know that sounds gay like i'm coming out of the closet i'm not I'm not like into guys, but I do love coffee. Anyway, dude, I appreciate you guys sticking with me through this European shit. The podcast will be around the same time. I think it's probably a little shorter than normal, but not much.

Maybe not. I don't know. So subscribe, follow me on my adventures. I'll see it in, I think London is when I'll do the next one, and then Stockholm. But who knows? Could be Vienna, could be Hamburg, could be anywhere. Go to chrysliad.com, get the tickets. I'll be in Florida when I get back.

I'll be in Tyler, Texas, and Pennsylvania. Thank you very much. And catch me in Europe, too. Stockholm, I think both of the shows are sold out. I don't know. Maybe there's some left on the second show. Appreciate you guys. Thank you.