Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 95. Build A Rocket Ship

Episode Date: November 20, 2018

It's the 95th episode, wow! On today's show, Chris talks about the bombshell Tekashi 6ix9ine news. Also discussed: what is racketeering?, San Francisco is always freezing, unpacking at hotels, who eats complimentary breakfast?, luggage racks, hotel showers, Raya, and Jawzrsize. Tweet your questions and spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Twitter and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. For the true babies: Merchandise: https://store.chrisdelia.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial/ YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/2rA0sI0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. You guys, what's up? How you doing? Okay, well, first of all, we've got a huge show in Los Angeles this week. And there are still tickets left on the late show. The first show sold out. We're playing the Will Turn.

That's where I shot my special Incorrigible, the first Netflix special I did. So we're coming back and we're doing two. Second show will sell out uh so uh you know i'm just posting about it and doing my due diligence but we're doing that uh so that's very cool i love playing los angeles i love doing my hour in los angeles too a lot of times i'm doing these spots like 15 minutes or 20 minutes spots in the at the uh you know at the comedy store laugh the improv. But this is going to be a full hour. Follow the leader tour just like I do on the road. And I'm doing it. I'm doing the road.

What I'm doing is I'm bringing the road to fucking to home. You know? We did the home show in Montclair, New Jersey. Now we're doing the other home show in Los Angeles. So there's that. So get your tickets now uh so there's that and then there's also um new merch these shirts fucking are I this is the best shirt we ever had it's just gone I mean it's it's there's still you know we got we make them to order or something like that but it's all good so you can get them whenever you want but uh they we got these shirts and if

you want to show someone that you fucking no matter what you do it wouldn't make a fucking then all you got to do is go on the go on chrislea.com and get the fucking wouldn't make a damn shirt uh and it's a long sleeve it's a cool one man it's kind of like the one i have on now this is a uh and and uh an undefeated uh shirt which i've been wearing uh a lot lately because i'm fucking trying to make a bowl of fuck you know i'm not even trying to but it's just like people look at me and they go like, this is that a fucking bowl of pasta? And I'm like, what? And they're like, oh, sorry, dude. I thought you were a bowl of pasta for a quick sec because you got way too much fucking sauce.

And then I just say, nah, it's just because any of this clothing, I got no dents. I got no fucking dents no dents anyway get this wouldn't make a dent t-shirt on crystalia.com and uh to show you to show you and to show your fucking crew no dents 2019 that's the hashtag no dents 2019 no fucking scrapey dents in these bank accounts do it um you don't roll around in a jalopy in 2019 you got a fucking dentless tricked out bank account anyway uh so los angeles show and the new shirts man i can't wait to see this fucking cult in these Dent shirts, bro. Or any of these shirts. You know what I mean?

It's a free conch. You can get whatever fucking shirt you want. But those are the hot ones. Anyway, that's it. I'm live on my app. Hi, babies. I see you all on my app. And, well, this week is a new week.

And every week, you can say that because every week is a new week. But sooner or later, weeks are going to stop because the world is going to explode. So while we still can, we say, every week, we say, it's a new week. It's a new week. So, well, fucking hot news for the congratulations cult, man. So, well, fucking hot news for the congratulations cult, man. Kerplanchi Sam Fine is going to jail for at least 25 years. And I feel really bad for her.

I feel like, I feel like, so, Kerplanchi Sam Fine, the rapper Sordachi 75 is going to jail because, first of all, he plead – he pled guilty? Yeah, pleaded? Pleaded? No, he pled guilty to the – he described what he did with the underage girl. And then he got on – then he got probation. And the judge was like, hey, don't say anything gang-related in your songs. And don't put anything gang-related on Instagram. And if you say Treyway, the gang shit, on your Instagram or on the songs, you're going to go to jail and you're in violation of breaking your probation.

So what Tintanchianchi 70 bobbins did was fucking brandished a gun at a gunfight and also got fucking uh hit for racketeering which is how do you even do that anymore? Like, are you in the mafia, you know? Well, I didn't even know what really racketeering was. And it's just kind of like being around. It's basically bitch shit. You're not really doing the crime, but you're there and you're showing people that you have a gun.

Racketeering, often associated with, whoops, and one fire went back. He had it and then went back. Racketeering often associated with organized crime is the act of getting involved in a dishonest and fraudulent business dealing or offering a service to solve a problem that wouldn't otherwise exist. The law of. So it's not like you're really doing it, but you're like, hey, dude, I got some secret shit. If you need to. The list includes gambling, kidnap, murder. Wow.

That really took a jump. It includes fucking washing your clothes hanging someone gambling and then goes right to kidnap and murder arson drug dealing and bribery law provisions and racketeering convict to serve up to 20 years in prison in addition to fine up to 25 000 that's like if you're going to jail for 20 years who gives a fuck about the fine you know hey man you're going to jail for 20 years also you owe us 25 grand that math oh really talk about it i'm making a fucking den you're in jail you're surrounded by fucking cinder blocks take all my money who gives a shit what am i? What am I going to do if I had the money by a flat screen? Not loud. Hey dude, take all the money in my bank account. They seized his $1.5 million, which by the way is hilarious. Cause he was, he had $1.5 million

in his bank account. Like he's a fucking, like he's an Asian that just moved to Southern California. That's like, well, I don't, you know, I don't know what to invest in yet, but he, an Asian that just moved to Southern California. That's like, well, I don't, you know, I don't know what to invest in yet, but he, uh, that's so much money to have in your bank account to just have it rolling around in your bank of America, fucking savings account.

Although how, how hilarious is it that a rapper, a hardcore rapper even has a bank account like that? He's like, yo dog, hell yeah. And then he has to go to fucking bank of america or wells fargo to make a deposit with his fucking rainbow bright hair but she's a cool

chick i i think that uh so anyway he got caught on racketeering like it's the prohibition era and he um and he's going to jail uh for sure because he broke his probation. He was like, yeah, don't say gang fights. And so he just, don't say gang fights in your song. And so he was like, okay. And then brought a gun and there was a shooting. And he was like, I just like, how real do you have to be? You know?

How fucking real do you have to be? And how much do you have to be it? That's what I want to know when you're a fucking rapper this guy had it all he trolled his way to the top and then was just too real so keep it real my my my thing is out there keep it, but also don't keep it that real. Because if you keep it that real, then you're going to go to jail for 25 to life. Then, then, then, then. Yeah.

Oh, man. Dude, it's also crazy like this guy's gonna get out of this she's gonna get out of jail in like 25 years or whatever and and people are gonna be like remember that fucking person and people are gonna be like no you know oh yeah he she had fucking blonde she had the this guy's gonna get fucked in prison too wow it's crazy that i start to feel bad for people who are like that even because he's like he's just a pro also he's a product of his environment. You know what I mean? It's like, you got to put a person like that in jail. Otherwise, they're just going to keep doing shit like that.

I don't know. Anyway, whatever. It's a fucking sad story. Yeah, she did it to herself, but it's still a sad story. You know, the whole thing is sad. But whatever. Let's not get it too down. Let's not get too down in the fucking podcast because i'll tell you what i woke up early for you babies i have a fucking full day couldn't do the shit yesterday because i was busy doing the game

show to tell the truth just to fucking because i i needed a little bit of fucking did two guess what did fucking two episodes so fucking extra paper scoop that up fresh off the jet to private how long does this fucking fresh off the jet to europe extra paper scoop that up um so yeah so i did that so i and now i have a full day today but i woke up early for you babies i woke up at fucking eight o'clock and And I'll tell you what, dude, a lot of you guys wake up at eight o'clock. Cause you got those, those, those, that early commute. And you're listening to me at eight o'clock in the morning. And you also listening to me at five 30, when you're driving back home before you have to be with your family and roll your eyes because your wife's mad at you for something. And I get it,

dude. I get it. And I'm here for for you I'm listening to me right now on your way home from work I am here for you I know you don't want to go home and deal with all the bullshit and I know also you love your wife and I know you also love your kids but I know you don't feel like going because you're tired and I know you love your husband and you you don't want to go home or or or or you're either driving home and and you got to go meet your husband and your husband stays at home with the kids or whatever it is. Or if you're a stay-at-home mom, because I know in this cult we have a lot of stay-at-home moms because that's my demo. 45-year-old women who have 12-year-olds. That's my demo. And I know life is stressful.

But, you know, we're here for you, babies. We are fucking here for you. I woke up early for you guys to do this. Could have done it Wednesday. Didn't want to do it Wednesday. And also, it's thanksgiving so i hope you fucking have great plans on thanksgiving but whatever you know or if you're alone that's sad and i'm not gonna pretend like it's not get friends um yeah i gotta go to san

francisco uh on saturday which, which I'm happy about. But let me tell you something about San Francisco. And people don't talk about this enough. The weather in San Francisco always fucking sucks donkey balls. No matter what, it sucks. Dude, it's freezing no matter what. August, you're freezing. Hey, December, you're freezing.

Of course, natch. Also, March, you're freezing. Spring, but still freezing. And in San Francisco, you're like, but wait, why is it freezing still? Because it's March. And it's like, yeah, but it's spring. Sometimes it's still freezing. Okay, cool. April, still freezing. And also May, why is it still freezing?

But San Francisco, let me check you right there in July. Hey, dead summer, why are you freezing? Because of the wind? Yeah. Now, what we need to do in San Francisco is build a bunch of fucking, talk about a wall. Trump wants to build a wall in fucking Mexico? No. Build that shit on the fucking, right at the fucking end of San Francisco so the wind doesn't blow. Because that wind is free.

I don't know what the fuck's up with San Francisco, but it's always freezing. I swear it could be hell on earth. The world could be exploding. And also it's still be freezing in, in San, San Francisco. And you'd just be like, why is it still freezing?

And you'd be like, I don't know. And they'd be like, they're dropping bombs and everything and everything's on fire. But why is it still freezing? You still be eating a fucking, you can still be eating some ice cream and it wouldn't be melting. Uh,

so I'm going to San Francisco and then I'm going to Boston. I'm doing the Wilbur Theater. Four shows sold out and then I'm doing Medford, which is not sold out yet in Boston, near Boston. But anyway, so I'm going on the trip. I'm taking my fucking opener. I'm taking Zach Doncovio. That's the guy who laughs like that if you don't know he is my fucking tour guy and i'm taking him and let me tell you something about this motherfucker first of all let me tell you something about my opener he always he's the kind

of he's the guy and i want to talk about this because i don't understand people like this all right especially we go to places for one night. The people who go – the first thing he does – how do I bring this up? The people who go to the hotel room and unpack. Do you know what I'm talking about? They don't just zip open their briefcase, zip open their suitcase, and then put it on that fucking thing that all hotels have, just the suitcase thing. You don't need that. That's a waste of money. Just put it on the floor.

But they have that like to pretend like it's nice and fancy. But they'll even have it at the day's end. It's like a thing you open up to put your fucking suitcase on. It's like relax day's end. You're not fancy because you have that fucking fold-out thing that you put your fucking suitcase on it's like relax days in you're not fancy because you have that fucking fold-out thing that you put your suitcase on what the fuck is that even called a suitcase stand anyway whatever it doesn't matter that thing right there yeah suitcase stand i guess luggage rack that's what it. Don't have a luggage rack days in.

Hey, days in, get rid of your fucking luggage rack. You know why? Because, you know what I mean? I catch fucking polio in your rooms anyway. You don't need a luggage rack to spice things up. It still feels like when I turn on the shower, I'm getting pelted with fucking, what are you, fucking paintballs. Hey, dude, am I fucking dude?

What the fuck? Am I playing paintball or am I turning on the shower in a day's end? You turn it on, it's just like... You know what fucking showers suck? Let me tell you. This is the worst because I stay in some nice places because I'm not going to... Dude, I'm not... First of all, I'm not sparing any fucking expense.

If I got to be in these fucking cities, some of these bullshit-ass cities like Buffalo, I'm staying in the nicest place. By the way, the nicest place in Buffalo sucks donkey balls. But if I got to stay in these nice places, I'm sparing no expense, baby. I'm staying in the nice places. I'm staying in the nice places where you check in and they just act so insecure just because they want to help you.

Hello, Mr. D'Elia. Okay, so hello, Mr. D'Elia. Actually, is there anything? Just so you know, there's a complimentary breakfast. Always with a complimentary breakfast at 6. And we start at 5.30 a.m. And it's over at 6.15 a.m. So if you're a goddamn owl, you can come down and you can eat.

If you're an owl, you can come down and you can eat food. Because only people who are up from 5.30 a.m. to 6.15 a.m.m are owls so if you're a fucking owl and if you can't move your neck i don't know i don't know why it's mark walberg fucking mark walberg's the only person an owl and mark walberg that's who that's who wakes up for the complimentary breakfast for an owl if you're an owl or if you're mark walberg you can wake up and you can just hey what's going on oh i get a fucking bunch of owls in here what the fuck am i doing working out just trying to be better gonna eat my complimentary breakfast and then go work out with some owls it's just fucking mark walberg and some owls at the fucking complimentary breakfast. Dude, go fuck yourself, man. Make the complimentary breakfast 11.

Okay? Make it at 11. And maybe that's me because I'm fucking – or at least make it go through 11.30. Start it whenever the fuck you want. But dude, it's always like – it always ends – even if I have an early flight the next day, it always ends before my flight that I have to leave. I'm like, oh, I got to leave my flight. When are you leaving tomorrow? 7.30 a.m.?

Ooh, sorry. The complimentary breakfast ends at 5.15 a.m. But if you're an owl, if you're an owl or Mark Wahlberg, feel free to stop in. And by the way, just get some oatmeal and raisins or some hot coffee because that's all we have. Those complimentary breakfasts suck dick, dude. Fuck your complimentary breakfast. That shit's free because it's leftover. Dude, fuck your luggage rack and complimentary breakfast, you goddamn daze-in.

Anyway, I go there and so i go to these nice places and let me tell you these let me tell you what i'd rather have the days in shower that feels like you're getting hit by some fucking paint guns i'd rather have that than the shower that they try to make nice that looks like it would be in a fucking futuristic movie with Jeremy Renner, that you'd walk in with, by the way, no door on a shower? Go fuck yourself. Put a door on it. I don't care how fancy it is.

I don't care how much we're supposed to feel like Jeremy Renner walking into a movie in the fucking 2035. I don't care. Put a door on it. You know why? Ground gets wet. Know why? Almost slip. Know why?

You almost get a lawsuit. That's the thing too. I'm not going to be the guy who sues either. That's the worst part. If I slip and crack my head, I'm not litigious. Am I litigious, my babies? No, I'm not litigious.

I was way too old when I figured out what the word litigious meant by the way but um yeah dude i'm not suing so that's the thing too don't have a door on your shower so the water doesn't leak out uh and also but these are the worst showers besides the door here's the thing too if you're gonna have a door on your i got rules you motherfuckers if you're gonna have no door on your shower you have a fucking shower head that's attached to the wall not the ceiling okay these fucking shower heads that come out from the ceiling are bullshit. They're disguised as nice, but they are not nice.

And let me tell you why, dude. Because when you take a shower, and guys with long hair and chicks know, you don't always want to fucking wash your hair. Okay? If you're bald, doesn't matter. If you got short hair doesn't really matter but if you got the ceiling fucking thing and it's shooting down on your head it's you can't you can't get your, you can't really position your head.

You can see in the video podcast, but you can't really position your head to not get it on your fucking hair. And here's the other thing, too. People are like, wear a shower cap, which I'm all for. I fucking, I'll wear a shower cap. I don't give a fuck, dude. That's not just for ladies. I'll wear that shit. But when you're waking up early in the morning, you're not thinking, where's my stuff?

You're not thinking, where's the shower cap? Where's this? Where's that? You just get in the fucking shower. Okay? shower cap where's this where's that you just get in the fucking shower okay so put your fucking it's not nice i don't care if it looks sleeker or whatever put this shower head on the side on the wall dude and if you've got no door you better put it on the wall because that fucking top shower head from the ceiling constantly spills out into the fucking uh outside of the bathroom and what we're what you're trying to do is you're trying to make us litigious you're trying to make us litigious as fuck.

Why would you try to make us litigious, Days Inn? Hey, no, not the Days Inn. There's some shit like the fucking Soho Grand would do it. Or the Mandarin Hotel in San Francisco. You litigious? You trying to make us litigious, dude? Yo, fucking...

Nice hotels. trying to make us litigious, dude? Yo, fucking... Nice Hotels, you trying to fucking make us litigious as shit? I mean, I don't... Who the fuck would listen to this podcast is what I want to know. I talk, but I swear I talk about the hard-hitting issues. This is the real shit you can go out there you can listen to your fucking political shit you can listen to what's going on

you can listen to the new york times podcast you can listen to you know uh sam harris and all the real shit or you can come here and you can listen to the hard-hitting shit that's really a problem with the world and really what's going on. Like top-loading your Berber and the fucking ceiling showerheads and putting them on the wall. Because I'm just trying to fucking fight for a better society, dude. There's all this extra shit that people are trying to do that make the world makes the world worse keep it real babies keep it the way it was we figured out how to do it we figured out how to do it don't let art and fanciness fuck up with the way we do it because this is how this is how we do it it's all of the days

And then you come in here And you get artistic and fucking up That's what happens You think you're being cool But you're not being cool And then you slip and fall And you get fucked up And then you get litigious

So it's not cool. Donna Rawlings just texted me, man. Sorry to hear about 69 son. I know how close you were. There's a killer on stage. Donnell Rawlings. Uh, let me do these ads here. Uh, here we go. My babies.

So yeah, man. Anyway, I couldn't read the rest of Donnell Rowling's texts on air because it was ladled and riddled with the N-word. So anyway, dude, so what else, man? I don't know. Some of these notes, I have written these notes i gotta be more specific oh so yeah so my opener packs unpacks in a hotel that's weird man we'll get there and he'll fucking take his shirts and his pants hang them up put them in the drawer like what are you a fucking lady what are you moving in for 19 hours we're here for fucking 19 hours it's you know it's weird that he puts his day outfit the outfit ready for the next day he'll lay it out on the fucking lounge chair yeah dude

he really does like a fucking bitch i walk in and i'm like what dude no what are you doing and he's like it's what just what i do it's nice i fucking lay it out he's got like a t-shirt by the way it's always some swag some swag that he got like like a free thing. Like a podcast shirt. And it's like, come on, bro. And just like shorts, because I'm going to work out. So I got the fucking shorts there. And then I always have like, oh, by the way,

Zach, my fucking tour guy now, dude, he fucking has always – like in my rider, I'll have – I always got the – that's what I got in my rider. When I get to the – a rider is what you have ready for you when you're there to do the show. I always have salmon and some vegetables, Tabasco sauce, club soda, and a toothbrush I like with toothpaste. But they always are, like, that's not a lot. A lot of people go crazy with the writers. I'm sure Cat Williams is like, I need a fucking sheep there too. You know? Strippers, a sheep, and some fucking peanut butter that you can only get in, like, Wisconsin. You know? And so they always, like, you know, pepper it with other shit.

Like, they'll put, like, pretzel bites or, like, other, you know, a Clif Bar, too. And sometimes they'll just have like starburst which i never eat that shit but um zach eats like a fucking garbage disposal and also so anyway so he, so he has, so he, so, so I'll note it, I notice too,

like whenever we get early morning drives, because sometimes we don't fly after the show the next night, it's close, you try to route it so it's close, so you just have like a two hour drive to another city, and you're just performing that city then, so we got a drive, and you know, I got,

you got the driver, and then there's two rows of seats, me and Michael sitting, my opener will sit in in one and then he'll sit in the back and in fucking at like 9 30 in the morning i'll just hear we'll just be tired of shit uh because we stay up way too late for for no reason watching forensic files and you just will just be and we'll just hear. And I'll look behind me. And Zach's got the fucking shit that they left for me. Like Skittles.

And he's just like. And I just like, are you fucking opening candy? By the way, my candy that they left for me in the green room at 9.30 in the morning. Are you opening gummy bears, you fucking trash bag? Are you opening gummy bears at 9.30 like it's part of the fucking continental breakfast? And then I'll just be like, and then he'll just be like, then he'll just be like well whatever you're not gonna eat it and i'll be like yeah but dude it's candy and it's nine uh gross and he's got like an iced tea we'll go to starbucks and i'll get an iced tea and fucking egg bites and eating the skittles that we got from the night before.

Dude, like, what is it? It's always Halloween for this motherfucker. Because the guy's saving candy like it's November. Like, well, I ate the stuff I liked on October 31st and November 1st, but I'm saving it. This guy. God, what a big kid.

And he's also got the highest ass in the biz. Dude, his ass is so high, it's in his shoulders. This is how he wipes. This is how he wipes after he takes a shit. The video podcast. You got to check that out. This is how my buddy, Zach Doncovio, wipes after he takes a shit,

dude, his ass is so high, even the, even, you know, black guys have high asses, black guy looks at his ass, and he's like,

oh, god damn, his ass, is so high, his ass is his shoulders, so that's cool, hey man, you shitting out your shoulder blades,

he's got the smallest, so that's cool. Hey, man, you shitting out your shoulder blades? He's got the smallest fucking esophagus and what do you call it? Fucking small intestines. It's all bunched up in his fucking throat. The back of his backpack smells like shit because he always farts on it. So dumb, dude. So dumb. Oh, man. He can get...

I can't think of anything else I don't want to think of a fucking he get fucked in the butt joke and also do something at the same time but it's not really oh man he's so funny yeah I think he

what's up with this fucking my buddies are talking about Raya. It's like an app, these apps. I've never been on a dating app, but... And I don't say that like I'm better than that. I don't... I think it's cool. I don't, you know...

I don't think it's bad to be on a dating app. Get your fucking, get your fucking, get your bolt sweat however you can, you know? But yeah. Everyone's talking about. Girls don't... I don't think girls really fucking do the dating app thing. They play it like it's a game. You know?

My buddy was saying he was on Raya. I'm stretching being fucking respectful as shit. But my buddy said he was on Raya and he was like, he kept on encountering like married chicks that were like happily in relationships. They just fucking swipe left and right like they're playing Bejeweled. They don't give a fuck.

It's not Raya to them. It's fucking Snake. Remember that song, Move Your Body Like a Snake, Charmer? This is specific. Wait, what was I going to say, though? I was talking about Raya and then... Damn it, I had something to say. This is how we do it in this fucking podcast,

and I can't remember. God damn it, it was going to be funny, I think. Or maybe not. Probably not. Probably fucking not. I don't remember. Doesn't matter. Yeah, so they're on the...

I don't know. Whatever. Oh, wait. You know the, I don't know, whatever. Oh, wait, you know what I want to talk about? This is amazing. First of all, I want to talk about this fucking thing that was invented called Jawsercise, okay? Now, this guy is on Instagram.

I follow him because it's way too funny. But this guy is a thing called Jawsercise, okay? Now, this guy, it's called Redefine Your Jawline in Only Five Minutes a Day. Tone Your Face and Neck, okay? So it's called jaws or size. Now this guy was in a motorcycle accident, which is no joke.

He's got like half his ear missing. But he's a good looking dude. They put him together. He's in fucking shape for sure. But without even explaining it... Okay. I'm just going to find the best. Here we go.

Here we go. This is a good one. This is what I'm going to do. So you put it in your mouth and you chew it. But it's, let me just try to have this guy explain it to you guys. Inventor of jaws or thighs. It's not going to have the level one, the sl he's doing it. He's chewing on the jawsercise and pointing to his jaw, like showing you where it works.

Still doing it. I don't know if you can see that American-made face workout, but it's a game-changer. I back jawsercise with a 100% 60-day money-back guarantee. If it doesn't work for you, simply cut in half for a full refund. It's that easy. With 2,000 combined reviews on JawsResize.com or Amazon Prime, you got nothing to lose. Until next time, fitness for your face. Aloha.

My name is Brady. Dude, the best is where he says, his tagline is fitness for your face. And he always says, fitness for your face. Like, say the T in fitness, dude. Fitness for your face. Until next time, fitness for your face. Speak right. If you're going to work out your...

I don't know if you can see that American made face. Let me go to... Like, say it right. It's for your jaw. Everyone's going to think you're fucking up the... Dude. Aloha. Brandon Harris, inventor of jaw exercise. Coming to you live from Maui, Hawaii

with some facial fitness. That's right, folks. After a motorcycle accident that left me in a coma for 13 days, I designed jaw exercise to restrengthen my bite and I proudly kept it made right here. And now I feel bad. And now I feel bad I'm making fun of him. You got to see this. I've been coming so hard.

Fucking a robot. It's a hands-free workout for the face and neck made right here in the USA with four levels of resistance, whether you look at a slim, toned, strengthened, or bulk. It will work for you or simply cut in half for a full refund. It's that simple. Buy now. JawsResize.com or Amazon Prime. Until next time, finish with your

face. Aloha. Dude, he flexes his jaw at the end. It's the best. You've got to go to JawsResize on Prime. Till next time, finish with your face. Aloha. Dude, he flexes his jaw at the end. It's the best. You gotta go to Jaws of Size on Instagram. And one of you guys gotta get it and see if it works. This is a promo for it, too. But, dude, I just, like, whatever you're trying to, slim, tone,

bulk, or I don't know. Who's trying to fucking bulk their jaw? Who's trying to fucking, oh, Jesus Christ, this fucking world, dude. Props to the guy for doing an American business and fucking keeping it real legit. I guess people swear by it.

Some people do. But it's just so funny to me. You got to see it. I'm realizing now when I'm showing you guys this, you got to see it. Hey, guys. What's up? I'm Aubrey Ebony,

and I wanted to talk about my jaw's exercise for a second. So I came across this product when I was trying to find a remedy for the puffiness that was under my chin. I model and so I was looking through some of my photos and saw that I had this puffiness. I work out and the jaw's exercise is perfect for me because it's a workout for your jaw. The music, you know? Literally. You're able to do it when you're on your way to the gym or leaving the gym, going to work, when you're laying in bed. It's super convenient, and it comes in different levels that targets what you're trying to do

and helps you achieve your goal for that perfect jawline. So I am definitely recommending Jawzercise for anybody who's having any issues or trying to tighten or get rid of puffiness in the jawline, chin area. Go and get you one. She's cute when she said it and made me want to buy one. I got to get one. You know what? I got to get one.

That's the thing. I got to get one and do it on this podcast, and I'm going to do that. I mean, dude, Georgeaz finished for your face. What are you looking at? Slim tone bill or bulk or just wasting money? Jar Jar Taz finished. Here's another one. here. 33% smaller than the current jaw exercise with full resistance levels. Whether you're looking at slim, toned, strength, or bulk, the jaw exercise that will work

for you. You boil them all at one time with fat. There he's doing it, pointing to his jaw. There you have it, folks. A hands-free American-made workout. Hands-free! Your face, your neck. With a 60-800% money-back guarantee, you truly have nothing to lose. So buy now. Jawexercise.com or Amazon Prime. Until next time, finish with your face. your neck. With a 60 to 800% money back guarantee, you truly have nothing to lose. So buy now. DrawsRisize.com or Amazon Prime.

Until next time, finish with your face. Aloha. And he's flexing his jaw at the end. The best is at the end, he goes like this. Why is it still going? Dude,

sometimes it goes like, he points it, like if you're watching the video, the podcast video, it goes like this. Finish that bottom of one time with your face face and you gotta strengthen it with the strength tone build or bulk you know finish it for your face and he goes he's always like trying to find the best way to point to his jaw too

like it'd be like like when he does it oh man wow uh okay there's so there's the blue level one slimming and strengthening pink level two tightening and strengthening purple level three toning and strengthening green level four bulking and strengthening so basically all of these help you strengthen your jaw but one of them only one of them helps you slim it and only one helps you tighten and only one helps you tone it and only one helps you bulking bulk it Who wants to tighten their jaw? Hey, guys, what's up? Hey, how's it going? Oh, no, you're not very good.

What's different about you? Oh, well, I got the zinc jaw size, and now my jaw is tight as fuck. I want to get the, well, you know what? No, let's get the two because I don't want to get the well you know what no let's get the two because I don't want to be a pussy let's get the tightening and strengthening one we're getting that how much is it

they're 33% smaller now 30 bucks alright gonna swing it yeah get me that one on the amazon or whatever and i'm gonna oh and you think i'm not gonna leave a fucking review dude i'm gonna leave a review okay so uh yeah i don't know but so there was that that guy makes me laugh dude he makes me laugh dude i sit and i watch it for fucking

i mean minutes laughing, dude. So there's that. And then there's this guy, too. This guy who I found doing spoken word poetry. And it is. Let me just say right off the bat i am not a fan of fucking uh really any poetry you robert frost because here's the thing are you in the year fucking uh you know, 1612? Or are you in fucking now? Then what are you talking about the wind for?

What are you talking about the fucking wind for? What are you talking about the clouds for? Whoops. Yeah, this shit is, I'm going to find this shit here. Sorry, I'm playing on my computer. Finished for you. Your face. This shit was some shit I found that was sent to me.

And it is a great... Here we go. Nope, nope, nope, nope. This guy, you got to see. I'll tweet this out. But this guy. I've been thinking about creativity. First of all, it says, we are creativity.

Spoken word by Kurt Pellequin. I don't know how I found this. It's got 333 views. But man, this is how we do it. I'm not a fan of spoken word, so I'm just going to say that. But I'm going to make, I'm going to, you know, this guy is probably a good guy. And you know what, dude? Anybody out there doing their shit, congratulations. That's good.

Dude, trying to make a fucking, I don't know what this guy's trying to do. Just listen to this. that's good dude trying to make a fucking i i don't know what this guy's trying to listen to this i've been thinking okay about creativity okay as a two-way street up and down the mountains of our lives oh well okay going down for supplies before we embark toward uncharted heights a dance of gear he did he's doing this he's walking down the fucking street and he's doing like this dents of gear and we fucking we got creativity i've been thinking of creativity from fucking yada yada and he's doing like that shit okay so here you keep going and he keeps walking the camera's going with him in front of him and take bottlenecks until bottle breaks. Dude, he did a Britney Spears move.

He fucking straight up did a Britney Spears move. He says, and takes bottlenecks until the bottle breaks. He's doing it like that. Guess if he's white or not. White or not. And out comes life. When the moments we might meet our might. And we conquer the sight of the blank page

An empty stage, strangers gaze and seize our days You see, I think it boils down quite simply to the fact That we are creativity Splitting cells naturally Stretching, crying, craving to see, taste, touch, feel and breathe Believing, grieving and still deceiving our own design The mind's like I'm not creative Face, touch, feel and breathe. Believe in grieving and still deceiving our own design. Oh, okay. I'm not creative.

Okay, well, okay. I don't dance and I definitely can't sing. Oh, the laugh. Not even in the shower. How about after two or three happy hours when your guard comes down and you feel your power. The power to play. To make your way from the bed to the moon, but we keep burying our dreams in tombs of it's too soon.

They won't understand. What if I just started crying and it hit me? I'd better not say, and what's the point anyway? The point is any way. Oh, wow. Learn about what you love and show us how it moves you. How it shows you the way because you decide if you'll leave or stay and it begins and it ends today.

So weigh the scale of give and take, but make no mistake, there is no given fate, there is only live and make. Make memories. Make thank you cards. Make strawberry shortcakes. Make new friends, bad bad choices funny voices make love make a fucking rocket ship oh he swore to keep it real time to see something you've never seen make someone by the way make a fucking rocket ship flowers make room for more and more mistakes

along the two-way street of love and hate what even is that that part to see something you've never seen make someone smile make yourself a bouquet of flowers make room for more and more What even is that? Hold on. I'm going back. They're not... Ah, what? what like time to see something you've never made mistakes along the two-way street of love and hate fear and faith laughter and wait from time to time to take in the view for life is not only the things that we do life is me life is you and then he walks away you You know what, dude? I was laughing at this last night, but I bet this shit would help some people.

I mean, it's definitely pretentious, but this guy is probably a fucking good guy. I bet he is so nice, but guys like this... You know what? This kind of guy is a guy... I bet he would...

I don't know what to make of this guy. I want to meet him though. I bet he's a fucking nice guy. You got to be a nice, well, let me tell you something too. If you're going to be doing this kind of shit, you got to be a nice guy. Make a fucking rocket ship. I don't understand that part. I'm a dumb fuck, I'll tell you that see people like this shit this guy writes

comments the only comment this was awesome may i post it on my facebook page and do you have a facebook page why do people ask that it's on the internet dude oh man i really love that video you posted for for all the world to see do you mind if i share it it's what do you mean it's on it's not somebody's fucking address the guy made it for that and the guy didn't even respond he's too busy making a rocket ship when did they post this um oh wow it was fucking over a year ago i like this i i've i go backtrack i mean the guy's being pretentious but i like this guy i bet i'll make it the way the fucking he does so many hand movements it's like he's in minority report like he's checking the fucking future make a fucking rocket ship.

Man. Maybe it was the music that was going on during it, but I felt like I almost cried. He would fuck your girl for sure. If you look at him. The guy looks like he would be an extra in Swingers, that movie in 1998. Make a fucking rocket ship uh so anyway um okay now i'm sweating my balls off that's what happened man oh wait i got the fucking quiet fan i forgot

we're almost done anyway. You got Twitter questions coming up? I was thinking about, did you guys ever watch The Golden Girls, that show? Somebody gave me a shirt that had The Golden Girls on it. A fan gave it to me. And that show I used to watch. I was talking about my grandparents the other day with my family. And I was thinking about how the difference between them and all that and i have one grandmother left the other ones passed away and i really liked all my grandparents and i was thinking about how my grandma dotty felt more like a mom to me not not more like a mom than

my mom my mom felt like my mom but felt more motherly to me and my grandma carmella is italian uh felt more like a friend you know uh my grandma dotty is still alive my grandma died still alive my grandma carmella died uh years ago uh from cancer from cancer because everybody gets cancer and then we got to figure out how to cure cancer because everyone dies of cancer so that's a fucking big problem. But she was. Felt more like my friend. Because we used to have like sleepovers. Me and my brother used to go over there. And we would watch Hunter and the Golden Girls.

And I fucking loved it. I loved the Golden Girls dude. And my grandma would always be like. Come on. Time to watch the golden girls and we'd all like i mean i was like fucking seven and my brother was like four and we would go and watch the golden girls with my grandma and i loved it dude i loved it because uh my grandma i don't know why i loved it i thought it was But how weird is that, that a seven-year-old loved the Golden Girls?

You know? I'd just jump into bed, and I remember that fucking blanket, too, that she had. It was the flimsiest blanket. It wouldn't keep you warm at all. But I would go in there, and it would be me and my brother and her, and we would just fall asleep. We watched Golden Girls, and then Hunter came on, and then we'd always fall asleep at the end of hunter and we loved it dude

and my grandma had a swordfish hanging in her basement and i was scared the shit out of me i would never go in her basement because there was a goddamn swordfish in there uh but it was so fun to do that and now when the i had a fan give me the golden girl shirt it made me think of my grandma and i was like oh that's so fucking sweet that you know the fan didn't even know that but uh but i now i think of my grandma when i see the shirt and i loved my grandma um but i don't remember much of things i never really remember shit i have a really bad memory and um i remember that like i don't remember like one time when my grandma was dying she was staying at my parents house and, uh, up to her room and I was like, oh, I know she's going to die soon. I should sit and talk with her and like learn about her and

all that stuff. And I sat and I talked with her for like over an hour, maybe two hours about how, uh, her life was and how she met grandpa and how she, um, you know, different parts of her life. And I was like, I got to remember all this stuff. And I don't. I don't remember. I have a bad memory. But I remember I did that. I remember how I connected with her.

So that's kind of important. And that was really sweet. But I do remember the fucking watching her, watching the Golden Girls with her. And I do remember watching, I do remember that fucking blanket, man. I like that blanket. And I like the Golden Girls with her, and I do remember watching, I do remember that fucking blanket, man. I liked that blanket, and I liked the Golden Girls, and I loved being at her house for some, I don't know, I don't know.

It's weird what you like as a fucking kid and what you remember. I wonder if my brother liked it too. I should ask him. We're going to make a fucking rocket ship is what I'm trying to say. But yeah. I remember once I was at my grandma's house and for some reason we thought it was a good idea to take mud and throw it at the house next door. I don't know why.

We were little kids. I didn't even think about how it might be bad. And the people came out from next door, and they fucking yelled at us. They were like, you're going to go to jail. We're going to call the cops on you. And then I ran inside crying. And I was like, they're going to call the cops.

And my family was there, and they thought it was so funny. They were like, they're not going to call the cops. You're not going to get arrested. I was like, can we get arrested? They're like, you're not going to get fucking arrested for throwing mud at a house. You're not going to get arrested. I was like, can we get arrested? They're like, you're not going to get fucking arrested for throwing mud at a house. You're fucking nine. Oh, man.

They fucking laughed at me, dude. Wow. Fuck, it's crazy to remember that shit. It seems like another lifetime. You ever think about when you're a kid? You don't even fucking think about your guys you're a kid when you're a kid you don't even fucking think about like how uh i mean so long ago another lifetime man i gotta watch hunter again is what i gotta do i gotta watch the golden girls again um all right we gotta wrap this up i gotta do this phone call but you guys

remember thanks for your face um and uh the store is back get the new wouldn't make a fucking dent shirt so people know that your fucking bank account is dentless uh and it's continuously being restocked plus black friday deals my babies uh you guys are the best uh and we'll get that log cabin soon but subscribe to the youtube channel follow the leader new dates for 2019 on on sale we got the uh the will turn in los angeles this weekend and uh san francisco and boston uh coming up boston coming up and fresno and uh uh what else? Bakersfield, Austin and San Antonio, Austin and San Antonio,

St. Louis, Phoenix. So go get those tickets. Now they'll sell out a subscribe rate and review the show. It really helps. And all that videos go up the next day. Always download my app to see it first,

to see it first. You can download my app and that's it's it remember dude go the fucking rocket shit huh Outro Music