Consider This from NPR - Anne Lamott has some ideas on getting older in the United States

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Getting older has been a punchline for as long as anyone can remember. And while there are plenty of jokes to be made about aging, it can also have some negative implications for how we see ourselves and others. For writer Anne Lamott, aging has been a challenge, and a gift. "There is grace in not being able to see everything so clearly with all of its faults and annoying tendencies." Lamott has been reflecting on growing older in her latest column for the Washington Post, and shares some of those insights with Consider This host Mary Louise Kelly.For sponsor-free episodes of Consider This, sign up for Consider This+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.Email us at [e-mail] more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

The last birthday cake, I couldn't blow out the candles, the heat drove me back. Getting older has been a punchline for as long as anyone can remember. From Rodney Dangerfield to Phyllis Diller. You know you're old when your walker has an airbag. And when you can remember when fast food meant you ran over a chicken. From Patton Oswald. I broke my foot. It took two.

It happened in two parts. The second part was I slipped off a curb and I landed wrong. That was the second part. The first and most important part was I turned 53. That is the crucial part. I, you turn, once you get past 50, everything's fatal. To Wanda's sakes. If I go four days without tweezing, I could have a nice situation going on right here. The other day, I pulled the hair out of my neck that was so long. I thought my neck was growing bangs. Those are the humorous takes on aging, but it is not all fun and games.

Unfortunately, there still is quite a bit of ageism that we need to navigate in everyday life that we see on television and magazines and advertisements, social media. Becca Levy, professor and researcher at the Yale School of Public Health. She studies the psychology of aging. Levy encourages older adults to keep in mind how they are affected by stereotypes and age bias. It impacts everybody. So we all are aging and we all have loved ones who are aging. And so I think it's very much part of everybody's existence. Consider this. Aging isn't always easy, but it is universal.

The writer Anne Lamott has been writing about her experience with aging, how it has made her see things differently. You know, we've got this weird judgy thing inside of us. And age has softened that. god what a blessing i think you realize that there is grace in myopia that there is grace in not being able to see everything so clearly with all of its faults and annoying tendencies when we return a conversation with anne lamont from npr i'm mary louise kelly When we return, a conversation with Anne Lamott.

From NPR, I'm Mary Louise Kelly. It's Consider This from NPR. The writer Anne Lamott turned 70 in April, and as it turns out, she has a lot to say about growing older. Lamott has been collecting her insights in columns over the past year for the Washington Post. Like this, quote, we know by a certain age the great palace lies of the culture. If you buy or do or achieve this or that, you'll be happy and rich. Nope. Love and service make us rich. Here's another thought. Quote, age teaches us that kind, simple, and practical are enough, even in the face of the worst things we've lived through. When I spoke to her, we talked about that idea. Yes. My friend Dawn got a call from a very depressed and

in fact suicidal friend who just couldn't really remember what the point of it all was and asked Don to give him one good reason to stick around. And Don paused for a moment and then he said, mornings are nice. And that's that's enough mornings are nice and you wake up and it's kind of a small miracle when you're older to still be alive and to look around and to look out the window it's funny because when when you're younger when I was younger there was so much strive and hustle and trying to corral the horse of the day into my will and my hopes and what I thought would make me happiest and most fulfilled. And when you're a little older, when you're quite a bit older,

you've given up on that and you look around and you spend a little bit more time looking out the window at the hummingbirds who like to come to the butyl lawn because it's very sweet. And you look outside in the spring and the very first daffodils are up and it gives you a little lift. And I still work. I'm a writer. I'm a grandma. I'm a Sunday school teacher. I'm an activist. At the same time, the image you're conjuring up in my mind is not like old folks in their rocking chairs serenely rocking on the porch till they expire. You're writing about a life that is still, of course, full of things that scare you, that rattle you.

Is the difference you're trying to articulate here the differences that as you get older you deal with them differently? I used to care a lot more about what my butt looks like, you know, and how everybody feels about me. And I don't anymore. Let me tell you a quick story that I really live by. When my very best friend since high school was dying of breast cancer and we went into a store, she was in a wheelchair with a wig on about a month before she died, and I was buying a cute little dress for the current fixer-upper boyfriend. And I came out, and it was tighter than I'm used to. I usually dress like John Goodman. And I said to her, do you think this

makes me look big in the thighs? And she looked at me and she said, Annie, you don't have that kind of time. And I think one of the great blessings of getting older is that you realize this. By my age, I've lost a lot of really precious and sometimes younger friends. And boy, is that a wake-up call to start making some smarter choices about how you're going to spend this one precious and fleeting life. Yeah, and wear the dress you want to wear. Yeah. And everybody else can just deal with it. Or the big welcoming pants that are forgiving about what you had for lunch.

What you're describing, there's so much gentleness in it towards yourself. There's so much gentleness towards others in these columns. Which of those do you find harder? I think gentleness towards oneself and forgiveness towards oneself and just radical self-love is the very hardest work we do. When Bill Wilson was getting AA started in the 30s, He had a priest friend who wasn't actually an alcoholic. And the priest friend said to Bill, sometimes I think that heaven is just a new pair of glasses. And I have learned to put on those pair of glasses and to look at how touching people are and how hard everybody's life has been, what rough edges life involves, and how heroically they've tried to rise to the occasion. Anne Lamott, for folks listening to you right now, for whom getting

older feels so far away, maybe people who recognize their parents and their grandparents in what you're talking about, is there anything you would wish them to take away from this? Yes, that it is definitely hard and confusing to get older. And it really, as they say, it isn't for wusses. And my body is not what it was. You know, a lot of things hurt, and my mind, I have what I like to think of as age-appropriate cognitive decline, but I am spaced out,

and some days it does feel like there's a sniper in the trees picking off people I can't live without, but by the same token, life just keeps on giving. And it's such a beautiful thing to have been given a human life, aches and pains and spacing out and all. And you will be amazed by how much you love it if you put on those better pair of glasses and you start looking around for all that still works, no matter how much has been taken away. I want to finish with one last quote. This is from your column this week. Oh, okay. Which I don't even remember, but you have it right there. I'll read it to you. What you wrote is, my pastor said you can trap bees at the bottom of a mason jar without a lid because they don't look up and fly away. So I look up.

Today, darker fog covers the lower part of the mountain but becomes a soft, heathery gray where it meets the deep green of the hills. So my question, Anne Lamott, when you look up today, right now, what do you see? I see a very blue sky. I see the trees around me beginning to change color. Oh, that's so touching. And I see my dog right now racing toward me. And I see that a friend is on her way over to take me to Target. And I couldn't be happier today. And I just love talking to you. And I to you. Anne Lamott, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Anne Lamott, her latest book is Somehow Thoughts on Love, and her columns on aging appear in the Washington Post. This episode was produced by Jordan Marie Smith and Tyler Bartlam, with additional reporting by Andy Tegel. It was edited by Sarah Handel, Courtney Dorning, and Jeanette Woods. Our executive producer is Sammy Yenigan. And one more thing before we go, you can now enjoy the Consider This newsletter. We still help you break down a major story of the day, and you'll also get to know our producers and hosts and some moments of joy from the All Things Considered team. You can sign up at npr.org slash consider this newsletter.

It's consider this from NPR. I'm Mary Louise Kelly.