Consider This from NPR - How To Talk To Kids About Abortion

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Talking about abortion can be difficult even among adults. So how do you talk to kids about it? We asked listeners to send us their questions — and brought together two experts to answer them. Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert and licensed educational psychologist in San Diego, California, and Dr. Elise Berlan, a pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist in Columbus, Ohio, join us to talk about ways to broach the conversation around abortion with kids of all ages.In participating regions, you'll also hear a local news segment to help you make sense of what's going on in your community.Email us at [e-mail]. Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

This message comes from Indiana University. Indiana University is committed to moving the world forward, working to tackle some of society's biggest challenges. Nine campuses, one purpose. Creating tomorrow, today. More at iu.edu. So there is never a perfect time to have hard conversations with your kids, right? I was sitting in the living room in a recliner chair watching Netflix or something, and she climbed up in the chair with me. That is Catherine Cotterill from Maysville, Kentucky, and her daughter, she's seven years old. I have not had the sex talk with my daughter, so it was a bit bizarre for me to have a conversation about abortion with her.

But since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade last month, a lot of families have found that conversations about abortion are not only unavoidable, they're necessary. I was having lunch with my kids. I had the news on. My eldest son is six years old, and he turned to me and he asked me, like, why are people so upset? That is Nikki Ebo. She lives in Powder Springs, Georgia. Abortion can be difficult to talk about, even among adults. So how do you even begin to explain it to kids?

I mean, obviously, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. When Ebo and Cotterell sat down with their children, some really tough questions came up for each of them, and we asked them to share how those conversations unfolded. And I said, well, there's been a decision made by some important people in government that says that women can't decide what to do with their own bodies. She attends a Catholic school and asked me why those people want to kill babies. I explained to her that no one wants to kill babies, that abortion was a discussion that should be had between a woman and her doctor. He was like, what do you mean? And so I explained to him, it's like, hey, you know, do you like to run and jump and stand and sit

and lay down and sleep sometimes? He says, yes. And I said, well, what if someone told you that you had to stand all the time and you couldn't sit down and you couldn't run and jump and play or crawl or do the things that you couldn't sit down and you couldn't run and jump and play or crawl or do the things that you want to because they said so. It was really awkward for me. I feel like she responded well and she has mentioned a few different things to me a time or two since then,

which makes me believe she does understand the topic as much as a seven-year-old really can. And I said, what do you think about that? And he said, yeah, it sounds, it doesn't sound fair. It doesn't sound nice. Ibo and Cotterell are just two parents with two points of view. And those kinds of conversations can be daunting. So we brought together two experts to answer some of your questions about how to talk to kids about abortion.

Questions like... How do you invite your kids to wrestle with really complicated, painful, not black and white questions? You know, all four of my kids, and they're all absorbing this, and I'm thinking, man, how do I explain something like this?

How can parents make sure that they're not just saying, this is about abortion and women's rights, and that's the end? Is it just kind of child-dependent on what you think they can handle, or is it like... There's a lot of questions

that I didn't know how to answer. Consider this. The next generation will likely grow up with vastly different access to abortion than previous generations had. So how do you talk with children today about abortion? From NPR, I'm Elsa Chang. It's Wednesday, July 20th. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things in other currencies. Send, spend, or receive money internationally, and always get the real-time mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees.

Download the WISE app today, or visit WISE.com. T's and C's apply. It's Consider This from NPR. The debate over abortion in America is not just happening among adults. We've been preparing for this moment for decades, preparing young people, getting involved, building relationships. That's Kristen Hawkins, the president of Students for Life of America. It's an anti-abortion group that recruits on high school and college campuses. We need to start with this discussion that if we say every human life is valuable,

then we need to protect human life in the womb. And that's what we're saying in the pro-life movement. On the other side, progressive groups like Advocates for Youth are trying to rally young abortion rights supporters. Kids are going to hear about abortion, whether their parents want them to or not. So we asked parents to tell us their questions about talking with kids about abortion. And we brought in some folks to answer them. I ask you a question, a favor, before we get started. Could you introduce Reena and I to each other? Absolutely. That is Dr. Elise Berlin, a pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist in Columbus, Ohio. And Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert and licensed educational psychologist in San Diego, California. Thank you for having me.

We started with a question that lots of listeners asked us, and that is, when do I even bring this up? Like, what's the right age to start talking about abortion? I want it to be age-appropriate. That's Megan Workman from Indiana. She has a six-year-old daughter. I don't want to get into too much detail of what it actually is, but just knowing that she can choose

if she wants to have a baby or not. So just mainly keeping it age appropriate, I would guess. First of all, it's a question that many parents have, and it's important to find out what your child already knows, but use that guiding point to ask your child as simple things as just even do you know where babies come from, but do it in a way that they're really guiding that conversation and you're almost scaffolding. You're kind of filling in the pieces. Parents know your child the best. It shouldn't be something that you feel forced to do, but do understand when your child is at school age, history is already being taught.

They are learning about current affairs, current events. So having those natural conversations is so important. Okay, well, so much of what you said is leading to our next question from Jacqueline Cuevas. She's a mom of three from Detroit, Michigan. The nine-year-old is a little confused as to why people would want to get an abortion. And she doesn't understand what happens once they get it. Where does the baby go? Who takes it? It's a lot of questions that I didn't know how to answer. So, Dr. Berlin, I want to turn to you because as a pediatrician,

how might you explain an abortion procedure to a child? When I think about how to respond to this mom, I might think about talking about that some parents need to end a pregnancy and that it might be better and healthier and safer for the parent to end the pregnancy. So I tend to use kind of terminology about the pregnancy and not refer so much around the baby, even though that can be where children go. I do think it's okay for parents after they've shared what an abortion is as far as they're comfortable sharing to let young people know that people have a variety of views about abortion. And also, I think it's okay for the parents to share their views because young people do really look to the

parents for anchoring on values. I wanted to talk more about that. Thank you so much for bringing that up because parents have told us that they are wrestling with how to help their kids talk about it with sensitivity if it does come up. Like, take James Memmott. He's a dad of four in Kaysville, Utah, and he's talking here about his seven-year-old daughter. I have a different opinion on it than most of the other people she can interact with. You know, we live in a very conservative area. All of my family that we live near is religious, and they definitely have an opposing view to mine on the abortion issue. And I want her to learn how to be sensitive talking about this stuff, if it ever even does come up.

Any advice for James, either of you? So it's a great life lesson to teach children that it's okay to have whatever opinion that you have. There's no right or wrong. And I think that's very, very important to encourage that, but really give them the appropriate facts for them to make great, critical decisions to create their own opinions, but be respectful for others, and then where and when to have these conversations with individuals. Well, Dr. Berlin, I'm wondering what you're thinking. As a doctor, how should parents answer when their child asks, why do people choose to have an abortion? What's your advice there? One of the thoughts I have is how much information is going to be helpful and how much might be scary.

Because I think what we don't want young people to have is to think that women are doing harmful things to themselves and to pregnancy and doing scary things. And that the abortion is a scary thing. So I think we want to really support moms and dads in assessing kind of how much information is going to be healthy and good for the young person. And then how can we explain that abortions are safe and they can really help families and women and pregnant people kind of move forward with their lives? So our next question is from Meg Embry. She's a mother of two from Colorado, and she told us that she grew up evangelical, and this is her question. How do you invite your kids to wrestle with really complicated,

painful, not black and white questions in a way that's curious and compassionate, without just encouraging them to accept what you think about the issue? And Meg Embry is just one of many parents who reached out to us who had concerns about imposing their own beliefs on their children. And I'm just curious, Ms. Patel, what advice do you have for parents navigating this potential conflict of opinion and wanting their kids to make up their own minds about this issue? What I would really recommend is first really understanding where you are in this whole process. What are your thoughts?

What are your feelings? So much has risen in terms of high-level emotion with the outcomes and the overturning of Roe versus Wade. So check in with yourself first. Then allow for that openness and check in, empathize, validate what your child says. I think it's important for parents to use the words, I feel, I see, I hear, because what does that do? It shares and shows that respectful dialogue happening and that you're letting your child know that you really do hear what they're saying, even though you might have an opposing view or opinion. Well, you know, we all talked about how much this conversation might change depending on the age of your child or how much your child actually knows.

But I'm also wondering, like, how much of this understands how these measures affect people with a uterus, him as a male, and his choices and responsibility for family planning. So, Dr. Berlin, I understand that you have two adolescent sons. And I'm just curious, like, what do you think personally? Should you as a parent have a different kind of conversation about abortion based on the gender of your kids? You know, I don't really think so. I think this is, again, about really listening to where your kids are. You know, we've talked about in our family abortion with our sons. And, you know, there's not a perfect time or a perfect conversation.

This is a journey. And I think if parents wait for the perfect time or when they have all the information, the risk is that they're not going to have the conversation and somebody else will. So I think as parents, we want to share our values and share the information that we have and our point of view with our kids so that they are prepared to have conversations and process this information within the safety of their family first? Yeah. It can be very overwhelming. We have to give children, especially young children, just time to process and come back

with questions. And we've got families who have multiple children at different ages. So I think it's very important also to think about what our little ones are hearing as the older ones are talking. And so do you want, as parents, to have some one-on-one dialogue just separate from the older kids so they're able to hear and also share things that are at their age-appropriate level is so important. That was Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert and licensed educational psychologist in San Diego, California,

and Dr. Elise Berlin, a pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist in Columbus, Ohio. It's Consider This from NPR. I'm Elsa Chang. This message comes from IndianaPR. I'm Elsa Chang. visionary work in the arts and humanities and prepares students to become global citizens by teaching more languages than any other university in the country. Indiana University. Nine campuses,

one purpose. Creating tomorrow, today. More at iu.edu.