Consider This from NPR - Remembering The Victims Of The Sandy Hook School Shooting, 10 Years Later

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Each mass shooting has a grim number attached to it. But that number is made up of individuals, each of whom had a full life and a family who continues to cope with their absence. Ten years ago, 26 first graders and staff were murdered in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. In this episode, we make space to think of the individuals who died. We spoke with the parents of four students about how they'd like their children to be remembered. In participating regions, you'll also hear a local news segment to help you make sense of what's going on in your community.Email us at [e-mail] more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

This message comes from Indiana University. Indiana University is committed to moving the world forward, working to tackle some of society's biggest challenges. Nine campuses, one purpose. Creating tomorrow, today. More at iu.edu. When Robbie Parker thinks about his daughter Emily, one of the memories that springs to mind is when they were in the checkout line at Costco. You know, you have that huge cart and you're putting everything on the conveyor belt. Because he was busy with the groceries, it took Robbie a moment to realize that six-year-old Emily had been talking for a while, but not to him. I realized she was talking to the worker at Costco that was like helping scan things and stuff like that.

And they were having a conversation and I realized like it was like they knew each other. This wasn't the first time they had met. Emily had like created this bond. They had talked before and she recognized her and they kind of picked up right where they had left off before. She was such an amazing old soul in a way. That's Emily's mom, Alyssa. She was such an amazing old soul in a way. That's Emily's mom, Alyssa. She was very intuitive and she was very gentle and very sweet. The Parkers say this is how they would like Emily's life to be remembered, a life that is often overshadowed by her death. Emily was one of 26 people, first grade students and staff, who were murdered

in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting 10 years ago. Being one of the Sandy Hook families, there is a community around that, and there is something that we all experienced at the same time together, but at the same time, it's so, so individual. Consider this. Each mass shooting has a grim number attached to it. But those numbers are made up of individuals, each of whom had a full life and a family who continues to cope with their absence. So now, 10 years after Sandy Hook, we will remember some of the children who died that day. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that it's been 10 years. I'm older, the people around me are older, and yet my boy is still six.

From NPR, I'm Elsa Chang. It's Wednesday, December 14th. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things in other currencies. For NPR, I'm Elsa Chang. It's Wednesday, December 14th. It's Consider This from NPR. It has been 10 years since the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. We wanted to give some space to think about the individuals who were killed that day, specifically four students whose parents shared with us how they want their children to be remembered. Jesse was non-stop. I feel like in my life, I am dragging a lot of people around behind me. I always have felt that. But Jesse was literally dragging me.

It was pretty amazing. Charlotte just kind of brought us out of our, I guess, our shells a little bit for her sixth birthday. I asked her, I said, you know, Charlotte, you know, what would you like to do? Do you want to, do you want a birthday party or do you want to experience? And she's like, oh, I want to experience, which is so like her. And so I said, what would you like to do? And she's like, I just want to go into New York City and walk around and see what's happening. She did a lot of living in those six years. Dylan was definitely the center of our family, possibly because he was the youngest, but more likely because of his autism. He wanted to be part of something. So like, if the kids were playing

kickball, you know, we'd roll the ball to him and all the kids would be going, kick it, Dylan, kick it. He would kick it. And then he'd kind of sit down and they'd be like, no, run to first base. And they would like run alongside with him. And he was just having the time of his life. Emily was a very spontaneous, fun-loving, creative being. You know, I kind of look at people and sometimes put colors to them. And if I was to put a color to her, she was a rainbow. It was just everything all at once. Jesse, he had his own style. He was very preppy. If it was the summer, a t-shirt and a sweater vest, or if it was the winter, he would pick a turtleneck and like a polo sweater or

something, but he'd put the collar up, you know? Charlotte loved to wear her hair in pigtails. She called them piggies. I want my hair in piggies, mom. That, or she would want her hair braided. She was starting to outgrow that a little bit. People gravitated towards Dylan. There was just something about him, this cheeky little smile, these chubby little cheeks. Pink was her favorite

color and pink was always incorporated in some shape or form in her outfits that she would wear. And she was just this toehead blonde. She had these stunning, stunning blue eyes. The day before she died, I had asked her, I said, Charlotte, can I braid your hair? So I braided her hair and she went off to school and she came home that night and she's like, oh, mommy. One of the little girls in her class said, I look so cute with my braids today. Will you braid my hair tomorrow? I said, oh, I'd love to. You know, I was so excited because I'm like, well, she's not growing up too quickly. And so that's one of the memories that I really hold on to is that the next morning I got to braid her hair again before she went off to school.

I'd been working to get him to have a liquid multivitamin every day. And he really didn't like the taste. And that morning was the very first day he actually drank the entire dose of multivitamins. And he was so proud of himself. He had this horrible grimace on his face because of the taste. But he was also so proud and, you know, flapping. He jumped and flapped a lot when he was happy.

Jesse's dad was picking him up at the end of the driveway. I walked Jesse out. I turned around to give Jesse a hug. And I noticed that he had written in the frost on the side of my car, I love you. One of my last conversations with her, she was pointing to these flowers that we had painted on her wall. And she said, mom, this one's pink with a blue center. And this one's blue with a pink center. Do you see it? And I was like, yeah. And she goes, mom, they're connected. There's connections everywhere. Everything is connected. And those words were incredibly powerful to me.

And I've always remembered them. I think I'm almost in a little bit of shock that it's 10 years. It feels like it was so recent, you know, that he was just here. And yet a decade's gone and I can't. I mean, I'm older, the people around me are older and yet my boy is still six and I can't, I can't connect the dots in my head. In some aspects, it seems like it was yesterday and in others, it seems like it's been a lifetime. The first few years we would go to the cemetery and I found myself not wanting or not needing, I guess, maybe to go to the cemetery as often as I used to.

I guess I feel her in different places than there. As grief kind of evolves, the way that we remember her has too. I always go to a beach and just wander a few hours and just reflect on Dylan. And reflecting on him makes me smile, and it also makes me cry. The days leading up to the anniversary are awful. But your body has a funny way of saying enough is enough. And typically by the time that the anniversary rolls around, my body says, it's enough.

And I usually feel pretty numb that day. And that reprieve, I look at now as a blessing. I used to be frustrated by it, but now I look at it as an opportunity. You know, Emily's on our mind all the time and we see her everywhere and feel her. Having family around and being able to disconnect from the world. It really does just help kind of get us grounded back into what happened and what was lost and what we had and feel sad and feel happy and cry and laugh all at the same time and just hold all those emotions. And to think about our child's life is really what I want to do that day. And I'm grateful that I'm able to do it.

There is a ritual that we have not been doing, and that is getting a tree. And that might sound a little harsh for some people, but we had just put up our tree when Jesse was murdered. And I just couldn't find it within myself to do it again. But this year we put up a tree. And we have plans to decorate the tree together. And so that's going to be a beautiful thing. So we'll have a tree and this is a big, it's a big forward

step for us as a family. That was Scarlett Lewis, mother of Jesse, Alyssa and Robbie Parker, the parents of Emily, Nicole Hockley, Dylan's mother, and Joanne Bacon, the mother of Charlotte. Bacon also serves as commissioner of the Sandy Hook Memorial that opened last month in Newtown. It's a granite fountain with each of the 26 victims' names etched in a circle. And she says she has a hope for visitors who stop to pay their respects. I hope that they walk in a circle and say each victim's name. There is a tendency when there's these mass shootings to talk about the Sandy Hook victims as a group,

but they were all unique and individual, and they all deserve to be remembered. The victims of the Sandy Hook shooting are Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Rachel DeVino, Olivia Engel, Josephine Gay, Don Lafferty-Hawksprung, Dylan Hockley, Madeline Hsu, Catherine Hubbard, Jesse Lewis. Ana Grace Marquez-Green. James Mattioli.

Grace McDonald. Anne Marie Murphy. Emily Parker. Jack Pinto. Noah Posner. Caroline Previty, Jessica Ricos, Aviel Richmond,

Lauren Russo, Mary Sherlock, Victoria Soto, Benjamin Wheeler, and Alison Wyatt. You're listening to Consider This from NPR. I'm Elsa Chang. This message comes from Indiana University.

Indiana University performs breakthrough research every year, making discoveries that improve human health, combat climate change, and move society forward. More at iu.edu slash forward. Support for NPR comes from NPR member stations and Eric and Wendy Schmidt through the Schmidt Family Foundation, working toward a healthy, resilient, secure world for all. On the web at theschmidt.org.