Consider This from NPR - When Your Parents Are Also Your Roommates

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

More and more young people are moving back in with their parents — and staying there. According to Pew Research, from 1971 to 2021, the number of adult Americans living in multigenerational households quadrupled.There are several reasons that many young adults have moved back in with their parents, including: low pay, high housing costs, caring for loved ones – and more recently, the pandemic. NPR's Claire Murashima spoke with a handful of young adults between the ages of 25 and 34 who are experiencing the highs and lows of living with their parents. In participating regions, you'll also hear a local news segment to help you make sense of what's going on in your community.Email us at [e-mail] more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

This message comes from Indiana University. Indiana University performs breakthrough research every year, making discoveries that improve human health, combat climate change, and move society forward. More at iu.edu forward. Monica Lee has 12 employees and runs her own business in St. Louis, Missouri. But she can't leave the house without being asked where she's going, who she's going with, and when she'll be home. It's kind of like I was back being a teenager. Lee is 28. She lives at home with her sister, parents, and 97-year-old grandmother. She used to work in China doing PR, but then the pandemic hit while she was vacationing here in America. I essentially got

locked out of the country when the borders closed and they weren't letting anyone back in or frankly out. She started working remotely from her parents' home and then her contract ended. And then the pandemic was still ongoing, so I didn't see a reason to move out and try to find my own place. Things soon got better. Lee, who's Korean-American, recently opened up a Korean dessert cafe in her hometown. But living at home has not always been easy. I had my full social life and my full work life in China, you know, I had my independence and privacy, essentially. Coming home, you know, all of that's gone.

It's definitely tough with the generational clashes with the language and cultural barriers as well. Lee is among the quarter of adult Americans who live in multi-generational households, which means two or more adult generations living under the same roof. And multi-generational living has been on the rise for the past 50 years. According to Pew research, from 1971 to 2021, the number of people living in multi-generational households quadrupled. It definitely accelerated in the early months of the pandemic. The number of young adults living in their parents' home, it hit a peak in the summer of 2020. Today, it's still a little bit elevated over where it was pre-pandemic. That's Richard Fry, senior researcher at Pew. He says one big factor

contributing to this trend recently is falling wages when adjusted for inflation, particularly for younger men. Their inflation-adjusted wages have fallen, and so effectively it's become less affordable for them to be able to live independently. Consider this. There are several reasons that many young adults have moved back in with their parents, including low pay, high housing costs, caring for loved ones, and more recently, the pandemic. And now, a lot of them are staying there.

So what's that like when your parents or your grandparents are your roommates? From NPR, I'm Juana Summers. Send, spend, or receive money internationally, and always get the real-time mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees. Download the Wise app today or visit wise.com. T's and C's apply. It's Consider This from NPR. More and more young adults are living with their parents and grandparents. And as we mentioned before, there are a whole lot of reasons why.

In terms of multigenerational households, the kind of people who tend to live in them tend to have fewer economic resources. It's also much more common amongst non-white families. That's Natasha Pilkowskis, an associate professor of public policy at the University of Michigan. She studies children living in multi-generational households. Pilkowskis says as the U.S. gets more diverse, multi-generational living will likely become more common. That swears with Monica Lee's experience. We heard from her earlier. So I'm Korean American. And for a lot of Koreans, living at home up until you get married is super common. And it's not necessarily frowned upon. But, you know, I was born and raised in St. Louis. And Americans, we tend to be a lot more independent.

And myself personally, I am very independent because, you know, I moved across the world. Pilkowskis, the professor at the University of Michigan, says the growing popularity of multi-generational living won't end anytime soon. It's very surprising to me. It's in some senses that it hasn't kind of plateaued so far. NPR's Claire Murashima recently spoke with a handful of young adults between the ages of 25 and 34 who are experiencing the highs and lows of living with their parents. And for some of them, like a young accountant from Denver who moved into his parents' basement, one big challenge is learning how to navigate their love lives.

Eric Salazar is 28 and likes hanging out at punk rock concerts and drag shows. He was doing all right until... I broke up with my girlfriend of like three years. And for Eric, that meant moving into his parents' basement. And it was easy. I didn't need to go like sign a new lease or anything like that. A quarter of 25 to 34-year year olds live in multi-generational family households. In Eric's case, he hopes to buy the whole place one day. He's an accountant with a master's degree and says he can't do much to increase his earning potential.

He invests around 60% of his income, but says he'll likely have to rent out the rooms to make ends meet once he owns the house. His parents don't charge him rent. Because I think part of the idea is that, like, if Eric can save, then it puts him, like, closer to being able to afford a down payment on a house. Still, moving back in was an adjustment. Even though you're 28, or, like, even though I'm getting close to 30, right, your parents are still your parents.

They still see you as their kid. I had, like, this expectation that I was like, oh, man, I must be a real loser to be back in my parents' house, right? And then like, I was like embarrassed to bring someone over, right? Because that, you know, it's like a mark of failure. Now he's back on the dating scene and says that deleting dating apps has improved his love life. He's been meeting people through friends and has found them to be more understanding of his living situation. Dating apps are like the worst thing for you. For me personally, it commodifies your self-worth in a very dangerous way. He says the apps made him more lonely despite the sea of options.

It doesn't actually put you in a community of people who like the same stuff you like. When you have a sense of community with people that you enjoy being around, you're much more likely to find successful relationships and partners. Meeting the parents is usually something that happens later in relationships, but when your parents are your roommates, that's not always the case. I don't want that like meet the parents moment where it's like, hey mom, look at this person. And it's like the second time you've ever seen me. And he's had some awkward moments. Me and my friends had a board games night and she spent the night at my place. And so like she was up before I was.

And then when her parents were home, they were like, oh, hey, you. Despite the uncomfortable moments, he says living with his parents is mostly positive. His situation allows him to save money for the day when he does buy the house. For now, he plans to replace some of their old kitchen appliances as a Christmas gift this year. NPR's Claire Murashima also spoke with people who are living at home because they're their parents' main caregivers. According to a 2021 Pew Research study, almost a quarter of people 25 to 34 living multi-generationally say that caregiving is a major

reason for their living arrangement. And that's true for Lauren Algren, a 34-year-old swim instructor in Healdsburg, California. She spoke to Claire about what it means to live with her mom. My mom used to semi-joke when we were younger that once she got older, she's like, just take my license away. And I thought of that when we did have to like take her car away from her. She grappled with societal expectations around living at home when her mom developed early onset Alzheimer's. At first, it was, there was kind of like a little bit of shame or like, I guess I kind of felt weird about being in my 30s and living back at home. It's not what I had envisioned for myself. And I definitely didn't expect my mom to get ill so early on in her later years. So that really didn, sit well with me. Before becoming a caregiver, Lauren used to go on weekly hikes and travel. One day, she wants kids, but she doesn't have a partner, nor does she have time to date.

I just feel like a single mom, and I really miss all the other aspects of my life. She's dealing with something else as well. It's also really hard to grieve someone when they are alive. It's such a drawn-out process with Alzheimer's. She's asked her two siblings for help, but... to grieve someone when they are alive. It's such a drawn-out process with Alzheimer's. She's asked her two siblings for help, but... At this point, even though I've asked for help many times, it just kind of like always ends up being on my plate anyway, so I just take charge. For the last couple of years, she's had to evacuate because of the Northern California

wildfires. She also lives with the uncertainty of whether or not she'll be able to even afford more advanced care for her mom one day. But Lauren says one of the toughest things is the isolation. She's been vocal with family and friends, but it's all a growing burden. This has been ongoing for five years now, and I'm tired of talking about the same thing. Lauren says the one silver lining of the pandemic is that she was able to save money. For the most part, she could still work, but wasn't spending very much.

Before the pandemic, though, she says they were living paycheck to paycheck. My mom is low income, and her Social Security doesn't even cover half her mortgage, so I have to cover everything else. She's in the process of selling the house they live in, and once they sell it, Lauren hopes there will be enough money to move her mom into a memory care facility. As it is, she spends a lot of money on making sure someone is always looking after her.

So in order to go to work, I have to hire a caregiver to hang out with her, which is great. She loves it, but it's definitely expensive. Lauren has developed strategies to make it work, like starting each day with the same ritual. Hi. Good morning. I make a point of spending every morning waking up and then going into her room to cuddle her and the dog, just so we can start the morning off on like a good note. How come you're hanging off the bed here? Oh, the dogs took your spot. She's making the most of their time together before someone else becomes her mom's primary

caregiver. And maybe then she'll find the time to go on those hikes and start thinking about building a family of her own, the life she thought she'd be living at 34. That was NPR's Claire Murashima. It's Consider This from NPR. I'm Juana Summers. This message comes from Indiana University. Indiana University drives discovery, innovation, and creative endeavors to solve some of society's greatest challenges. Groundbreaking investments in neuroscience, climate change, Alzheimer's research, and cybersecurity mean IU sets new standards to move the world forward, unlocking cures and solutions that lead to a better future for all. More at iu.edu forward.